Chapter 2 - Tension

"Okay, class," Mrs. Morgan, my fifth grade English teacher said with unnecessary pep. "So, what we're going to work on for the next week or so is our family trees!"

This got me thinking. It's always been my dad, Rick, Lori, Carl, and me. We're all like one, dysfunctional family.

So, after school, and after Dad got home, I greeted him with extra love, wanting to butter him up. I've never even thought about not really having a mom. Lori was always my 'mom', I guess.

"Dad?" I inquire at dinner, a frozen pizza and our favorite TV show: Dance Moms.

"What's up, Alex?" He replies, looking over at me as Abby Lee Miller begins to yell.

"Do I . . ." To be honest, I didn't really know how to phrase it. "Do I have a mom?"

Dads quiet for a moment, he simply stares at me. He eats at least half of his pizza before he answers. "No, Alex, you don't have a mom."

He seemed to think that that was the end of it, but this only left me more confused than when I first asked. "Well, why not?"

Again, Dad finishes off his crust and chews slowly, wiping the crumbs off on his sweatpants. "Because, she left us."

I could tell he didn't want to talk about this, but now it was all I wanted to talk about. "Why, Dad? Why'd she leave?"

"Alex, I -" He cut himself off, and met my eyes. For a moment, we were locked in a staring contest. But, Dad sighed and I scooted closer, getting the feeling he was going to tell a story. "It was your dyslexia. And your ADHD. She didn't think she could handle you, so -"

"She didn't want me because I can't read and write like the other kids." It wasn't a question, but I still spoke in a quiet voice, tears brimming my eyes.

"Oh, no, sweetheart -"

"No, its okay, Dad," I give him a sarcastic smile. "Who would want a kid who can't learn to read? Or a kid that can't focus? Who would want a kid like me?"

I let out a sob, running to my room. For a few minutes, I just cry, but of course my Dad comes in. He knocks softly first, but when I don't answer, he let's himself in.

"See, Alex?" He sighs. "This is why I didn't want to tell you. I knew it'd make you sad -"

Oh, no. He had it all wrong. I sat up from my bed and couldn't help the glare that covered my face. "I'm not sad, Dad! I'm angry! I'm angry that I'm not like everyone else! If I was like everyone else, then we'd be a normal family!"

My Dad came and sat on my bed beside me. "Alex, if you were like everyone else, then the whole world would feel empty. To me, at least." He pulls me into his lap, and I cry on his shoulder. "I don't want any other ordinary kid in the whole world, sweetheart, I wouldn't trade my extraordinary Alex for anything."

Peaceful. Almost.

The wind ruffled my brown waves and they flew in my face. I brushed them back, looking over the highway from the spot on the cliff. The air up here was chilling, but I didn't move to zip my leather jacket.

Cars, and cars, and cars. And, in the distance beyond the trees, Atlanta. That's what I could see. From my view point I searched for my dad and Lori. I saw his jeep first, and the pair was speaking in the front seats.

"Alex, we should head back," Carl said from beside me. Come to think of it, he hasn't left my side since shit hit the fan.

"Just look," I breathed. "Look at what the worlds become. Look at the hell we live in now."

My eyes brim with tears, and he placed a hand on my back. "At least we have each other. Our parents. That's more than most can say."

I nodded, because I knew if I spoke I'd cry. I took a ragged breath and turned away from the highway, starting towards the woods to hike back down to the jeep. Carl followed.

That spot became our spot. After Atlanta was bombed and my dad assured us Rick was dead. It was a short walk from our camp, and I went there by myself sometimes, but mostly with Carl. We didn't speak, or really even acknowledge one another. But knowing the other was there was all that mattered, I suppose.

It was early in the afternoon, and the weather was only getting hotter. What didn't help was the humidity, for sure. The air was moist, and it made my hair very poofy. I sat in the shade of a tree off to the side at my campsite, sketching little drawings into a stick. I was only passing the time until my dad would send Carl and I out to get water. Again.

Sure enough, not an hour later, my dad called me over. "Alex! Carl!" Carl came out of the RV, and we met up with my dad. "I, uh, I'm sorry to ask, but, uh, I need y'all to go get some more water."

Carl was about to argue, but I shook my head at him. "It's okay, Dad, we'll go."

He leaned forward and kissed my cheek. "Thanks, sweetheart. And, take the truck. Bring as much as you can fit."

Carl and I sat in silence as I drove, a little shakily. I'm not the best behind the wheel, but Carl is even worse.

We were probably about a mile from the quarry (it took longer to drive there, but we couldn't carry as much if we walked), when I pressed the break as hard as I could. Carl had been low key treating me like shit, and I was getting tired of it.

"What the hell, Alex?" He growled at me as he flings forward.

"Don't be so dramatic," I countered, not looking away from the windshield. "We need to talk Carl."

He sighed. "About what?"

I whip my head towards him at that. Was he serious? "Are you fucking kidding me? Carl, you've been treating me like fucking shit this entire time!"

"I have not!" He retaliated.

I laughed, though its empty of any humor. "Ever since that night -"

"Ever since that night," Carl cut me off seriously. "You've been avoiding me."

I fell silent. He was right.

'That Night: 1 Month Ago'

I walked up to the cliff. It was really, late and I hadn't expected Carl to be there, yet he was. I could only see his silhouette, but I recognized his form as he hung his legs off the edge.

"I didn't know you'd be up here," I whispered, walking forward and sitting beside him.

Carl shrugged. "I couldn't sleep. You?"

I sighed, then mimicked his shrug. "I don't know. I feel like I can never sleep anymore."

He nodded, understandingly. Carl always understands. We sit in a comfortable silence for a little while, until he speaks up. "Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"What would you do . . ." He paused, seeming to rethink his motive. "What would you do if I tried to kiss you?"

I didn't answer right away, but I couldn't help but smile. I've known Carl since I was born (literally, he's barely a month older than me), and I've defiantly thought about kissing him.

"I don't know," I shrugged, still smiling a little.

"Maybe we should . . ." Carl and I turned to look at each other. "Find out?"

His face was incredibly red, and I didn't think I have ever seen him more nervous. I chuckled at him being so flustered, but I leaned forward and kissed him.

It was a quick and sweet kiss, I barely allowed him to start to first base. But, Carl's lips on mine was simply a sensation I'd only ever thought of, and I hadn't imagined his kisses being this addictive. Jesus Christ, Carl was like a drug, and I only wanted more.

I pulled away from the quick and sweet kiss slowly, however, and my brown eyes went to his big blue ones. "Alex?" Carl whispered, his voice, strained a little. I knew he was holding himself back.

I knew he was, in a way, asking for permission, and I wanted this just as bad as him. So, to answer his question, I moved to straddle him. He put his hands in the middle of my back, but it was chilly, and I could barely feel his touch through my hoodie and jacket. So, I put my palm against the back of his right hand, and slipped it into the back pocket of my jeans.

I could feel how wet I was in my underwear, and straight through both mine and his pants I could feel his quickly hardening dick. So, I began to grind my hips against his, and I couldn't help but moan against his lips.

Carl took a sort of control next, keeping one hand in my back pocket and the other on my back he lifted me up and then laid me on the ground. Carl started to take off his zip up, so I did the same, and in less than five seconds I was laying down under him with only my bra and jeans on, and he was shirtless.

The world ending seemed to make Carl stronger, physically. Now, don't get me wrong, he wasn't, like, a bodybuilder, but he had a thin sort of muscle that flexed under my grasp as I tried to hold in a moan while he kissed down my neck.

Carl slid down my jeans, easily unbuttoning them despite his face being on my neck. He didn't bother to pull down my underwear, instead he practically ripped them off, and before I knew it, I was covering my mouth so I wouldn't scream in pleasure as his soft, calloused index finger pumped in and out of me. What Carl was giving me was a hundred times better than anything I'd ever been able to give myself.

But, I knew it had to stop. This couldn't go on. I'd always thought I wanted to be with Carl, but I don't think that right now is a valid time to decide that, considering that the world just ended.

"Car-Carl!" I pushed him off of me, and as soon as he took a finger out of me, I felt empty. Like I was an incomplete puzzle since he was removed from me. "We can't."

He scoffed. "You mean you don't want to?"

I got to my feet, pulling my clothes back on. "Carl, I just don't think that I can make this decision right now!"

He tried to look understanding, but I knew that I was hurting him more than I was hurting myself. "It's okay, Alex."

I could see in his eyes that it wasn't. He wanted me, all of me. And half of me wanted him, but the other half of me didn't know what I wanted at all.

Now

Carl scooted closer to me, and I didn't move away. He now sat in the middle seat of the cabin as he pushed a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"I just want to talk," Carl whispered in a low, husky voice.

"Okay," I knew that if he said anything in that voice I'd do it.

"Alex, I know that you don't particularly favor me right now, but you have to understand, I'm in love with you," I didn't react to his words because he didn't give me a chance. "And you don't have to say it back, but it couldn't be more true. Ever since I knew what love was, and that night I got my first taste of you, Alex, and I never wanted it to end. You're like my oxygen, and I can't breath without you. I can't live without you."

"Carl, I'm still here," I finally replied to him. "I'm still me. And, I know I love you, I'm just not sure how I love you. You have to respect that."

"I respect it," He slid back to his side of the truck. "Let's get the water and head back." His words were emotionless, and I couldn't stand it.

We hardly spoke as we followed my fathers orders, and I know that the tension is only going to grow between Carl and I. The only problem is, I can't figure out how to stop it.