CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
It had been six weeks since their first date. Mike had taken Ginny out seven more times, with Tom watching the boys for them. The more time he spent with her the deeper he fell in. He could tell she liked him a lot too. But it wasn't all sunshine and roses either. Mike was struggling with the mixed bag of emotions that everything was stirring up. Ty had continued to call him dad. As much as he liked this fact…it was also still cutting deep as he grieved for the three children who used to call him dad. Ginny could tell it was cutting Mike and she had asked him on multiple times if he wanted her to address it with Ty.
Mike had begged her off. Telling her not to talk to him about it. Mike could tell that Ty was fully coming out of his shell. He was thriving again. He didn't want to take that away from him, or add any extra burdens, especially Mike's grief. That wasn't something Ty deserved to shoulder. So, Mike continued to stick to his word.
Tom had begun seeing the therapist and was going twice a week now. It was hard to judge the impact it was having on him as some sessions he came out stoic, some he was happy, others he was drowning in a dark mood that was best left alone. But he continued to go to the sessions, so Mike was calling it a win.
Ashley had checked in with Mike once a week which was a pleasant surprise for Mike. He wasn't sure how she was going to react to all this, but he was happy she was keeping in touch. He gave her open and honest updates on her dad's sessions, trying his best to keep her up to date. The big concern for Mike was that Sasha had yet to check in with him. He had gone against her wish and sent her a total of two texts since Tom had started the therapy sessions. The first text simply told her he was going. And the second was a few weeks in to let her know he was still going. But he'd received no response to either text.
Life was moving forward, and Mike was trying to balance starting a new family with the grief for the family he had lost. He was still plagued at night by bad dreams, but they weren't as frequent, and some nights even got a good rest in. Mike had dropped Tom off for his biweekly session and decided to drop in on Ginny at work with Wyatt. They sat in the booth in Ginny's section. After she got his food, she told the other waitress she was taking a fifteen-minute break and sat down opposite Mike in the booth. Mike took a bite of his burger as Wyatt came up and stole his French fries. Ginny smiled.
"You should just order him his own fries," she said with a chuckle. Mike smiled, reached over and ruffled Wyatt's hair.
"Probably. He'd probably still just eat mine."
"But then you could eat his and still have fries," she fired back. Mike smiled. He reached out and took her hand in his, before taking another bite of burger.
"I suppose that would work," he replied after swallowing his bite. "You closing tonight?"
"Yes, but I'm off tomorrow. We going out again?" she asked with a sweet smile. Mike smiled back.
"If you want," he said softly, his fingers gently rubbing over hers. She nodded slowly. "Okay, I'll check with Tom. He should be okay tomorrow."
"How are things going with him? He seems distant lately."
"It's complicated. I think it's going good, but it's going to get rocky before it gets better. He's got a lot of deep seeded guilt and trauma to work through."
"Just like you," Ginny said, her hand squeezing his. Mike looked down a moment to compose his thoughts. He had talked with Ginny on a couple occasions about his time on the Nathan James and after.
"Yes, but Tom…it's different for him."
"I know. I also know that you think you hide your pain and guilt from us, but I see it. Just so you know." Mike nodded slowly. He didn't know how to react to that.
"Thank you," he decided on, not really sure what he meant by it. Ginny nodded slowly and looked at the time.
"I have to get back to work. I'll see you at home later," Ginny said as she stood from the booth. Mike reached out and stopped her as she walked past and stood, kissing her quickly.
"See you at home," he breathed out. It was still hard for him to say that, but it was getting easier. Wyatt popped up and stole another handful of fries and Mike shook his head. He sat back down and finished his burger, paid the bill, and went to pick up Tom.
When they got home Tom was in a quiet mood. Mike was trying to judge the extent of the quiet mood but wasn't sure if it was a dark mood or a brooding mood. Wyatt settled into sorting his wooden blocks and Mike and Tom sat on the couch.
"Want to talk about it?" Mike asked curiously, trying to feel Tom's temperament. Tom slowly turned his head and looked at Mike, but his eyes were guarded, emotionless.
"I talked about it for two hours," Tom replied with no emotion. He shrugged his shoulders as if that was the only answer he needed to give. Mike nodded.
"Have you heard from Sasha?" Mike continued. He saw the flash of pain in Tom's eyes.
"No."
"Sorry," Mike replied looking back at the television. Tom was quiet for a while and Mike respected it. Wyatt came around the couch after a while and climbed up to sit with Mike. Mike settled the boy in his lap and Wyatt leaned into his chest. Mike looked over at Tom. "Think you'll be up to watching the boys tomorrow? Ginny has a day off."
"Yeah, sure," Tom said. Mike could feel the weight in the room. "You think she's done with me? Am I too late?"
"Sasha?" Mike asked. He was stalling for time. He had no idea how to answer that question or to ease Tom's mind.
"I probably waited too long," he mumbled, and Mike thought he might be close to tears.
"Keep working on getting better and when the time is right, you can reach out and mend the rift. She still loves you."
"She's always loved me. That didn't stop her the first time, it didn't…I think she wants the old me back and I don't know that I can do that. Maybe she doesn't love the new me."
"We're fixing that, remember?" Mike tried.
"I'm still a different person," Tom said, sounding defeated.
"You're still in there, just give it time," Mike replied softly. He felt for his friend.
"So, you and Ginny are cruising along," Tom said changing the subject. Mike looked down at Wyatt and smiled.
"Seems that way. The more I get to know her the more I like her."
"I'm happy for you," Tom said with a genuine smile and Mike nodded.
"Thanks."
The next day Tom was still down. He made it clear to Mike that he just wanted to be left alone so Mike went down and spent the day with Ginny and the boys. They played Payday again with Ty winning. After, Ty went to his room and Wyatt was taking a nap, so Mike stretched out on the couch while Ginny was in the bathroom. He was feeling content, the demons staying at bay for the moment. When Ginny came out Mike was drifting to sleep. He noticed her weight as she laid down on the couch with him, draping over his body. He smiled with his eyes closed and wrapped his arms around her.
He felt her settle into his chest, the top of her head tickling against his jaw line. The added warmth and weight made him drift the rest of the way into sleep.
Mike was walking on the deck of the James. There was thick smoke. Alarms blared but he wasn't panicked. Someone was yelling, Contact! Contact! Contact! That didn't make sense his brain warned. He shouldn't be able to hear CIC from here. Something bright. Something loud. The deck shook like a terrible earthquake. Mike stumbled and a new plume of dark smoke billowed all around him.
"Sir! You need to leave! You need to abandon ship!" a familiar voice shouted at him, almost in hysterics. Mike's head turned slowly, the tendons in his neck almost creaking, towards the voice. Cossetti. The look of fear on his face, the blood on his uniform, Mike stared at him. "Sir?! You have to go, now," he screamed at Mike, a desperate pleading in his voice.
Mike turned away from him. More yelling, more bright lights, more loud booms, more billowing smoke. Mike coughed. He walked further along the deck. How could he leave the ship? How could he abandon all these sailors still defending it?
"Mike," a feminine voice broke his reverie. One that cut his heart and made his stomach hurt. Oh, how long had it been since he'd heard that voice. He turned and pain stabbed through him all over again. Her white uniform was soaked in blood. The big holes in her dripping. Her eyes no longer alive and sparkling, but a dullness that haunted him.
"Andrea," he breathed out. He stopped moving, his feet feeling like they were encased in concrete. He wanted to go to her, but he couldn't make his body move.
"You have to abandon ship, Mike, you have to leave," she pleaded with him.
"I can't leave you all. You need help," Mike said back.
"You can't help us anymore. It's up to us to hold the watch. You, need to go. Don't get stuck here, Mike, please. I don't want that. Abandon ship."
"Andrea," he cried out. "I don't want to leave," the pain escaping in his voice. Mike's head jerked to the left. Someone scurried across the deck through the dark billowing smoke. Mike jumped, another bright flash, another loud boom, more smoke. His senses were getting clogged. The scurrying body caught his attention again.
"Mike," Andrea pleaded with him again. "Please, I want to see you live."
"I am living," he said confused. And Andrea shook her head slowly. The scurrying shadow caught his eye again and his attention drifted.
"Let go!" Andrea yelled at him, and when he looked back at her tears were streaming down her face.
"I can't," Mike whispered, and the scurrying body finally came into view. Mike's heart stabbed with pain; his gut cramped with fear. "Lucas!"
The boy skidded to a stop and looked at his father, the fear and pain on his face was devastating. Mike took in his son's appearance and cringed. His face was covered with streaks of blood. His eyes, his nose, even his ears. Mike tried to go to him, but he felt rooted in place. He glanced at Andrea pleadingly.
"Let me help him!" Mike tried to scream but it came out a hoarse whisper.
"Listen to me, Mike," Andrea said more calmly. "You have to abandon ship. You have to let us go."
"How do I do that? How do I let him go," Mike yelled pointing at his son. "I wasn't there to protect him."
"We are now. We have the watch," Andrea said and when Mike looked back at her she wasn't alone. Christine was there, her face streaked with blood too. Mike's heart broke. His girls were there too. Crushed further. Behind them and surrounding them were more familiar faces. Burk, Baker, Tophet, Rios, Cossetti, Tex, Chung, Lynn, Mason, Cruz, Benz…all of them, filling the deck of the burning Nathan James. Lucas stepped forward, his mother reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him.
"It's okay, Daddy," Lucas said, his voice almost lost in the whine of another missile. The ship shook violently. Mike was crying now. "You have to let go to move on. You can be happy; we want you to be happy."
"No," Mike whispered.
"Go, Admiral. We'll hold the watch. Go," Andrea said. The rest murmured their agreement. Mike looked at each of them, hot tears burning his face.
"I loved you," Mike whispered to Andrea. She nodded back at him with a knowing smile. Mike turned towards Christine. "I loved you," he repeated, she simply nodded. He looked at his children. "I miss you all so much," he said, his voice breaking with the pain.
"It's okay, Daddy," Lucas said, his voice small. "Abandon ship."
"Please, Daddy, abandon ship! We want you to be happy," Hannah pleaded. Mike felt stuck. He didn't want to leave any of them. More light, more sound, more shaking.
"It's sinking, Mike, time to go," Andrea warned. Mike looked at her and nodded. Someone was behind Mike, just outside the plume of dark smoke.
"Mike!" a familiar booming voice sounded. "Come to me, Mike!"
Mike turned towards the voice, before looking back at the crowd on the deck of the James. They were fading, some had splintered from the group, running around manning their battle stations. Andrea paused next to his family. Burk on the other side.
"We've got them," Burk said with a nod of his head. "You go back."
The world was fading. They were disappearing, he was losing them. But he knew in his heart it was already too late. He knew he needed to make the leap, he needed to…abandon ship. He walked heavily to the side rail of the ship. He looked down into the dark swirling emptiness that was the ocean below him. He knew what he had to do. He just couldn't bring himself to do it. He turned back around.
"Lucas!" he yelled. He son stopped and turned his head, looking at Mike over his shoulder.
"Just jump, Daddy," Lucas replied before turning back to Burk and fading into the billowing smoke. Mike cried out in anguish and then pushed himself to the brink.
"Jump, Mike!" a voice from below. Mike felt the ship rock with another explosion and new it was time to go. He had to make this jump. He had to…he did it. He threw his leg over the railing and jumped. He assumed the position he had been trained for and hit the water below…
Mike sat forward with a terrible gasp. His body was soaked in sweat, there was something holding him down and he struggled against it. He had to get to air. Someone grabbed his shoulders.
"Mike!" a female voice. His eyes darted around wildly as he tried to orientate himself. "Calm down, it's okay, you were just dreaming."
The words sunk in. He stopped struggling. He sucked in air. He collapsed against a couch. Where was he? What had happened? Hands came against his jaw, and he closed his eyes, concentrating on his breathing, slowing it. His heart was racing. He finally opened his eyes and found Ginny staring back at him, concern and maybe a tinge of fear looking back at him. Reality sunk in finally and he relaxed against the couch. His breathing coming under control.
"Are you okay?" she asked quietly. She had settled down on him again. Their legs a tangled mess. Mike closed his eyes tight and tried to shake the images from his brain.
"Uh, yeah," he mumbled. He looked around. "What time is it?"
"About three in the afternoon," Ginny answered. Her hand gently stroking the side of his face. He felt sticky, his body coated in a sheen of sweat. "I was trying to wake you up, but you were sleeping pretty deeply I guess."
"Sorry…I was…dreaming."
"I know," she replied softly. He could hear the concern in her voice. "It didn't sound like a good one."
"No," Mike breathed out. The message of the dream reverberated through him. "Maybe," he amended. As bad as it was, he felt lighter. He felt like maybe he had reached a turning point. He looked at Ginny, his hand coming up to her face. "Sorry I scared you."
"It's okay, not like you did it on purpose," she replied. Mike nodded. Ginny paused a moment. "You want to talk about it?" Mike thought about her question.
"I think…" Mike started but then stopped. What did he want to say? Was it a turning point? Yes. It was. As time passed and his brain fully came awake, he knew something was different. He had done what they asked. He had jumped over the side. He was glad that Ginny had failed when she said she tried to wake him up. He thought that he needed to finish the dream. He needed to…abandon ship. He knew he wasn't really abandoning those he loved, but he was letting go. He could move on. He could be happy again. He knew they were there. He knew they were taking care of each other. He knew they were in good hands. Now he was too. They gave him permission to move on. They gave him permission to love again. They gave him permission to live again.
He didn't say any words again he just moved his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck and gently pulled her down as he pushed up. His mouth claimed hers and he kissed her deep and with all the passion he could muster. She returned the kiss, and they broke apart for air, both panting slightly.
"My, my," she breathed out. Mike smiled and leaned back against the couch.
"I think I'm ready to move on," Mike said softly, more to himself than to her. She settled her head on his chest, the top of it nestled against his neck.
"That's a good thing," she said as her hand made a soft circle against his tee shirt clad chest. He shifted slightly and kissed the top of her head. They both looked over when a door opened. Ty came out of his room with a look of concern on his face.
"Everything okay?" he asked tentatively.
"Yes," Ginny replied. "Mike just had a bad dream."
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you," Mike mumbled. Ty nodded slowly.
"It's okay. I have them too sometimes," Ty replied then turned and walked away. Mike let himself fully relax, sinking deeper into the couch. He breathed in her scent and let the feelings wash through his body, a sense of home filling him. They stayed on the couch for a while longer, just enjoying the feel of each other. Finally, Mike looked at his watch.
"I think we should get ready if we're still going out tonight," Mike mumbled. Ginny squeezed his middle tightly before she pushed herself up, so she was over top of him. She leaned in and kissed him gently. Mike smiled as she pulled away.
"Okay," she said as she got up from the couch. Mike got up and made his way back to his own apartment to shower and get ready.
To Be Continued…
Author's note: Hope you enjoyed that. I felt the dream needed to play out fully this time. I have more planned for this story so stay tuned! Hopefully the waits will be shorter from here on out . Happy reading. Dark rolling sea.