Title: Dance Away The
Heartache
Author: Triggersaurus
Rating: U
Genre: DR/CH/Twins
Summary: Tess gets a place at a prestigous
dancing school, but it means moving out of home at the age of 14
Disclaimer: They're not strictly mine,
but when you consider they're not actually on ER anymore...
Author's Note: Another one of the poll winners
from the WIP page - keep voting, I can't decide what to do next!
For Jo.
It arrived early on a Saturday morning, in the middle of
April. Tess was outside, eating a slice of toast and throwing
sticks to the dog. Kate was still in bed, and probably would be
until about 11. Doug was due back from the hospital some time
soon after leaving unexpectedly the previous night for an
emergency call, and Carol was in the bath. Tess was waiting for
someone to be ready enough to drive her to her dance lesson - she
had an exam coming up within the next two months and the extra
coaching lessons on Saturday mornings werew well worth it. Of
course, she had to BE there to take advantage of it, and at this
rate she was going to have to practice in her own yard. She went
back into the house, finishing off the toast, and yelled up the
stairs.
"You ready yet, Mom?"
A muffled response in the negative could be heard faintly, and a
head of wet hair peered around the bathroom doorframe.
"Tess, don't yell. Your sister's still asleep. I'll be there
in a few minutes."
'Yeah, right,' Tess thought. She still had wet hair, which meant
she had to blowdry it, and that always took hours. It was times
like this that she was glad she hadn't inherited her mother's
hair. Kate had, but even her hair wasn't as out-there. Tess had
wavy chestnut hair that right at this moment was pulled back into
a tight bun and covered with a liberal amount of hair gel.
'There's no way you could be a dancer with hair like THAT,' Tess
thought, imagining her mother flouncing around a stage with her
hair flying in sixteen different directions. It was a cringey
vision, and she blocked it out in favour of trying to remember
the complex pattern of moves that made up one of her exam pieces.
"Hey there, Tessy. You waiting for Mom?"
"Yeah...she only just got out of the bath," Tess
groaned. Doug dropped into an armchair and rested his head back
on the seat.
"Dad....." Tess sidled up to the chair and sat on the
arm as Doug looked at her. His eyes said 'What do you want?', and
Tess knew he had a good idea what she was about to ask.
"Can you take me to dancing?"
"Ugh, Tess. I just finished an 8 hour shift, and two kids
died. You woke me up last night when you dropped something...what
was that?"
"Uh, my desk lamp."
"Well it made one hell of a noise."
Tess smiled at him sweetly, pointedly raising her eyes to the
heavens when the sound of the blow dryer started up.
"Alright, alright. I'll send your Mom to come and pick you
up later as a punishment for being late now. Go on, get in the
car."
He brushed her off the arm of the chair and stood up to stretch.
Tess ran to the door where she picked up a sports back bulging
with various dance items and then left the house. Doug went up
the stairs slowly and stuck his head around the doorframe of the
bedroom he shared with Carol. She saw his reflection in the
mirror and smiled hello, still drying her hair.
Doug went into the room and dlicked the switch on the socket so
the power supply to the blow dryer was lost.
"Doug!"
"Shh. I'm taking Tess so you don't need to rush. You have to
pick her up later though." He kissed her on the cheek and
turned to leave.
"Thanks, Doug. How were things at the hospital?"
"Crappy - lost a couple of kids. I gotta run before Tess
drives there herself."
"Okay, see you in a while."
He left the room and descended the stairs. Tess had left the
front door open and he picked up some papers that had blown onto
the floor. Putting them back on the desk, he grabbed his car
keys, so quickly discarded when he'd arrived home, and closed the
front door behind him.
----------------------------------------------------
"Mornin'"
"Hey. You're up early..."
"Yeah, first Finn started barking, then Tess yelled
something at you, then the car came and went. I gave up trying to
go back to sleep."
Carol smiled at her over the cup of coffee she was drinking.
"Sorry about that. Blame your sister. She was late for her
dance lesson."
"Don't worry, I'll blame her. What's for breakfast?"
"You say that like I'm going to make you something."
"Aww, Mom. You know your scrambled eggs are the
greatest."
"Hah! We're out of eggs."
"Dammit!" Kate sighed heavily, like the end of the
world was nigh, and came around from the counter she had been
standing behind. After inspecting the contents of all the
cupboards in the kitchen, she announced, "We need to
shop."
"No kidding. We'll have to go to the store this
morning."
"But what am I going to eat for breakfast??"
"Toast? Cereal?"
"I don't feel like those..."
She moped around, checking the cupboards again just in case
something had changed. Giving up, she said mournfully, "I'm
going to go and check the mail."
"Okay. Maybe you'll find some food in that."
"Ha ha."
Kate went out to the mailbox, still in her PJs and bare feet.
Happy to find a letter addressed to her, as well as one to her
sister and three for her parents, she went back inside.
"Here, three for you and Dad, one for Tess, and one for
meeeeeeeee!"
"Ugh, bills." Carol looked over the envelopes, pushing
them away. "I don't want to know, if yours is a bill."
"No...ugh! It's junk mail! How do these people get my name?
I don't want a foot spa with thirteen free accessories and a
clock radio if I reply in a week!"
Carol took the leaflet from her and looked at the envelope as
well.
"It's probably just one of those companies that are part of
something you belong to...that magazine you subscribe to, did you
tick the box on that form that said "We will pass your name
to other companies"?"
"Um. I don't know."
"It's probably that."
"Ooohhh, but I'm so disappointed! I thought I had actual
mail. I wonder what Tess's is."
"Maybe the same thing. Now, if you're not going to eat
breakfast, go shower."
"Mom! I'll shower when I want! Besides, I'm playing hockey
this afternoon, I might as well shower after that instead of
before."
"Hmm." Carol gave her a warning look, and went to the
sink to wash up her coffee mug. Kate disappeared up the stairs to
get dressed and re-emerged shortly in jeans and an old, faded
black t shirt with 'Portland Children's Hospital' printed in
small letters on the left. As she resumed her hunt for food, Doug
returned, dropping his keys, once again, on the small desk by the
door.
"Hey Dad. You didn't buy any food this morning did
you?"
"Food? Wheredya think I'd get the time for that?!"
Kate disappeared into another cupboard, grumbling. Eventually she
settled on a large bag of chips and wandered over to the lounge
to sit next to Doug. He'd put the TV on and was flicking through
the channels. Saturday morning TV was a dissapointment and he
gave up.
"Please tell me I don't have to take YOU anywhere in the
next half an hour."
"You don't have to take me anywhere in the next half
hour..."
"Oh, praise the Lord."
"...as long as you can take me to the rink this
afternoon."
"The rink?"
"Yeah, I'm playing hockey."
"A game?"
"No, we're training. The rink got a new coach."
"Training now? They making a team?"
"Don't know. They might make one up but if they do it has to
be one boys team and one girls team, and there's only me,
Charlotte and Lucy that go."
"They can't have a mixed team?"
"Not if they want to play in any leagues...and when I'm 15 I
can't even train with the boys because of insurance or something
like that. In case we get hurt."
"That's a stupid system."
"Yeah, but I can see their point because I'd really want to
sue someone if some big guy who looks like a truck crushed me
into the wall..."
"You'd just hit him right back, Kate." Carol grinned.
"I couldn't if I was lying bruised and mortally wounded on
the ice!"
"You're too tough for that, kiddo." Doug smiled too and
took a handful of chips from the bag Kate was holding.
"Well anyways, can you take me?"
"Sure I can. I might want to watch too, you never
know."
"Daaa-aad! Please don't watch! No other kids' parents
watch!"
"Oh, I think I might come and watch too. We could take a
picnic," Carol joked to Doug.
"Nooooo! Mom, don't put ideas in his head! You never go and
watch Tess at dance practise..."
"We did when she started! And we go and see all the
shows."
"Yeah, but this isn't a match or anything important, and
besides Tess started dancing when she was 5 and ALL the parents
watched! Please don't come? It'd be so embarrassing."
"Alright, alright. Compromise. Ten minutes at the beginning.
I just wanna see what you can do."
"Ten minutes? How about five? Then everyone might just think
you're a cleaner or something."
"Hey! You don't get any more chips for that." Doug
snatched the bag away, smiling.
"ARGH!" Kate, feeling frustrated but trying not to
laugh, got up from the couch and stamped off into the kitchen to
get a glass of juice.
"Got that Access bill this morning, Doug."
"Yeugh, you trying to put me off my food?"
"Yeah, so you'll leave some for the rest of us!" Carol
grabbed for the bag but missed as Doug swung it away from her.
"Any other mail come?"
"Kate got some footspa offer-"
"Oh really?!"
"Shut UP!" Kate called from the kitchen.
"-and there's something for Tess too, probably the same
thing."
"What time does she finish again?"
"Uhhh...I think it's 11 o'clock. You might want to think
about making a move." Doug nodded at his wristwatch, looking
at Carol.
"Yeah. Did she ever say anything about that audition you
took her on?"
"Nope. Said it went okay. She was having one of those
Adolescent Days."
"Oh, the ones where they just grunt?"
"Yeah."
"HEY!" Her parents were unbearable sometimes, Kate
thought to herself.
-------------------------------------------------------
Kate was in her bedroom, putting up a new poster when she heard
her sister call from downstairs.
"HeeelLLLLLoooOOOOOO! Kath-er-eeeeeeeeene!"
UGH. Kate couldn't stand her full name. She was seriously
considering taking up her mother's birth religion so she could
claim a new middle name and be called by that instead. Something
like Madeline, or Christine. Those were nice names. Picking up a
basketball so that she could throw it at Tess, Kate stuck her
head around the door.
"WHAAAT?"
"Hey Kate, come down here." That was her dad. Hurumph.
Must be something important. She bounced the ball along the
landing and let it roll down the stairs in front of her.
"Kate! I've told you not to do that!" Her mom stood by
the railings, and watched her pick up the ball.
"Sorry..."
"C'mere, Kate. Your sister's got some good news."
"What's that?" Her interest piqued, she sat down in an
armchair with the basketball in her lap. Tess stood by the couch,
looking like she was going to burst with excitement. She still
had sweatpants on with a green leotard, and she kept doing little
foot movements that were probably some sort of important step.
Normally Kate got on fine with her sister, but those small,
pointy-toed jiggy things really bugged her. She scrunched up her
nose with annoyence, but tess didn't notice.
"I got into Chelmscoft!!" she squealed and jumped up
into the air. "Look!" She showed them all the letter,
printed on fancy embossed paper. Doug picked her up under one arm
and swung her round in a circle before Carol gave her an enormous
hug. Kate sat in her chair and watched, before smiling and
hugging her sister too. Chelmscroft was one of the country's
leading junior ballet schools that Tess had auditioned for on a
whim a month ago. By attending the school, Tess was almost
guarenteed a place in one of the big city ballets when she
graduated, which was a dream no-one had ever really considered
plausible until now. One thing bothered Kate though, in the back
of her mind. She was sure that Tess had said it was a boarding
school. Somewhere where all the students had to live all year,
apart from holidays. Did Mom and Dad know? Was Tess going to be
moving out of home at the age of 14?? She couldn't imagine what
it would be like without her sister there. Well, she could a
little, from the times when she'd been at dancing lessons, or on
school trips. She hadn't even missed her hugely when she hadn't
been there. But living away altogether? What would it be like to
start high school school alone, to come home everyday by herself?
Tess had always done everything like that with her, if not
through choice then just because it was convenient. Having a twin
around meant you always had soemone to talk to, and someone who
you could talk to about stuff at home. She didn't want to lose
her twin to some horrible, stuffy boarding school. She could feel
her eyes puddling and the lump in her throat making swallowing
difficult.
"'Scuse me..." she left the room with her head down and
rounded the corner to the bathroom at a jog. She didn't want them
to see her crying when they were so happy. Shutting the door
behind her and flipping the lock, she sat down on the tiles
leaning against the door and let the tears flow. 'This is
stupid,' she kept telling herself. tess' dream had come true and
she was sitting there sobbing like someone had died. She grabbed
a piece of toilet paper to wipe her nose and tried to stop crying
with a deep, shaky breath. Standing up, she had a look in the
mirror. Her eyes were red and watery still, and although she
thought she'd stopped crying, rogue tears kept trickling from the
corners of her eyes. Thinking she was lucky not to be Tess, who
wore mascara on dancing days, only made her feel worse again, so
she tried to think of happier things. Just as she was almost
smiling at the memory of the time her mom fell in the lake,
someone knocked on the door.
"Kate? You okay honey?"
"Yeah...I'm just, uh, washing my hands." Her voice was
hoarse and there was no way that her mom would buy the excuse,
but hopefully it was a clear enough signla for them to leave her
alone for a while.
"I don't know...she said she was washing her hands."
"For ten minutes?"
She could hear the muffled conversation through the door and
started running the taps loudly.
"Hey, Kate. Unlock the door, sweetheart."
It was times like this that hearing her dad's voice just made her
want to cry more. The tears that had been threatening to form in
her eyes wobbled over the edge and ran down her cheeks again and
she could hear Tess now too, which only made her feel more
pathetic. Unable to speak, she sat down on the floor again.
"Kate? Are you hurt? C'mon, I can't help if I don't know
what's wrong."
"I'm-" she gulped in some air, "-fine." It
was just about the understatement of the entire century but they
were clearly not getting the message. Or were they? She could
hear muttering but no clear words over the sound of her own
sniffing and breathing. The sounds outside died away and she let
a shaky breath out. Now she could just calm down and let her face
sort itself out before going upstairs to her room again. She
wrung the tissue in her hand until it started to disintergrate on
the floor. She picked up the little pieces, dropping them into
the toilet bowl one by one. As she dropped the last couple in,
there was a softer knock that before on the door.
"Kate? Mom's gone to the store with Tess."
"Okay..." she said, shakily.
"You want to tell me what's up?"
She stayed silent, not trusting herself to say anything in case
she started crying again, but she reached up and flicked the
lock. The door opened a moment later, and Doug stood in the
frame.
"C'mon," he held his hand out to her, "get up from
down there, come and sit out here."
Not wanting to leave the strange sanctuary of her place of
privacy, Kate shook her head, looking down at the blue tiles and
fighting back the need to cry again.
After standing for a bit like that, Doug saw that it wasn't going
to happen and crouched down in front of her.
"What is it, huh? Don't want to see yuour sister go?"
The release of someone actually saying it out loud was too much
for Kate and the tears, sobs and anguish she had been holding
inside successfully broke the emotional dam as she looked up at
Doug and nodded heavily before crawling across the floor to where
he was crouched.
"It's not fair," she sobbed into his arm as he let her
hang on as if she was drowning.
"I know, kiddo, I know." The fact that Kate was the
only one who had emotionally let go and aknowledged the fact that
their daughter was leaving home at the tender age of 14 hit home
hard as Doug rocked his youngest daughter and tried not to let
tears spring to his own eyes.
---------------------------------------------------
The summer passed too quickly for everyone's liking, in a whirl
of camps, vacations and volunteering. Both girls attended the
same camp for two weeks, taking part in as many activities as
they could manage - including chasing their male counterparts,
and occassionally more senior lifeguards. Carol found it amusing
to watch on Visiting Day, Doug tried to find it amusing but had
to resist the powerful protective waves inside him. All four of
them went on vacation for a week shortly afterwards, to the
mountains. They rented a log cabin and enjoyed the break from the
normal rushing around. When they returned home, the girls each
chose to volunteer at the two hospitals their parents worked in.
Kate in order to try and help her decide what to do with her
life, and Tess to be like her sister - or at least that's what
she informed her mom and dad. The truth behind it was that she
knew there was a young med. student who had just started working
in the ER at the General, and having met him twice she had a real
crush on him. Kate found it hysterical that her sister was going
to be stalking this guy every Tuesday and Thursday morning for
the next four weeks. Although she had to admit, he was hot. She
would be working at the Children's Hospital, where her father
worked. She volunteered on the neo-natal wards, where she made up
baby formula for those who could eat, or fetched extra blankets
and small fold-out cots for worried parents. She had chosen only
to work one day a week, on Tuesdays. That meant she could spend
the rest of her time with friends, doing what she wanted - which
usually involved sport of some kind. They spent time at the ice
rink, orginally to learn to play hockey, but now because Kate was
dating one of the guys they trained with and he practically lived
there. He was called Martin, and was about twice the size of
Kate, which was one of the many reasons she had chosen not to
introduce him to her parents. She was convinced they would freak,
if not because she was dating anyone, then because he looked more
like 18 than 15. She hadn't even told Tess, in case she used it
as a blackmail technique.
Tess, meanwhile, still used up a lot of her time going to dance
lessons. She would be leaving shortly but kept attending anyway,
and did her last exam two weeks before she was due to move away.
The dance classes she attended, held in a small church hall,
we're full of talk about her, and whether they'd see her on stage
in a city ballet in years to come. On her last day there, her
whole class presented her with a giant good luck card and a bunch
of flowers. When Carol went to collect her that night, she
couldn't see her daughter behind her gifts. Over the summer, it
was clear that since Tess had got the acceptance letter, they had
all been trying to block out the thought of her leaving, Tess
included. Although she hadn't stopped talking about what she was
going to do when she got there, and what she would be taking, and
who she might meet, somewhere inside her there was a cavernous
pit the she never ventured near the edge of. Leaving home, and
going to Chelmscroft felt like two different things in her mind
and she didn't care to consider the first one. The prospect was
too daunting. She knew Kate had made the connection, and her
reaction had scared her - if that's how Kate felt, how would she
feel? It was as if she was on the outside looking in.
---------------------------
The day had come for Tess to depart for the ballet school. It was
a week before Kate started high school for the first time, and
the letter had said it was so that the students could get to know
each other and the school before starting lessons. They had all
agreed that it sounded like a good time. Upstairs in Tess' room
sat three huge cases, two rucksacks and a large carrier bag, full
of her clothes, possessions and dance wear. Downstairs, three
more carrier bags of her favourite snack foods, coats, and extra
bits and pieces Carol kept thinking of, sat by the couch. They
had agreed, with Tess, that only Carol would take her there. Doug
had to work, and Kate had said she had friends coming round. They
all knew that wasn't true and that the genuine reason was more
along the lines of wanting it all to be over as soon as possible.
But no-one said anything. Doug DID have to work, but if he had
asked he could have taken the morning off with no problems. He
didn't want to prolong the agony either. Carol, on the other
hand, wanted every last possible minute with her daughter that
she could get. Tess was only going to be living half an hour
away, and she could come home every weekend if she wanted to. But
it was such a huge step, Carol thought. Her baby was leaving home
already. She'd never expected to have to deal with this until
Tess and Kate went to college. But here they were. Her first
daughter wanted to be a ballerina. And by sending her to this
school, she would achieve her dream - wasn't that what everyone
wanted? To get to that ultimate place, the one you'd always
dreamed of? Carol couldn't help but draw parallels with her own
move to the west coast, leaving her own mother behind. Okay, so
she was 29 when it happened. But that didn't matter. It was the
same principle.
Everyone was lurking around downstairs when everything let loose.
Doug had moved all the bags down and loaded the car for Carol. He
sat on the edge of the couch. Carol, in the kitchen, was making a
snack that she knew no-one would eat. Kate was looking out of a
window at the lake with a tennis ball in her hand, picking the
yellow fluff off it. Tess had gone upstairs to check her room one
last time, and it was on her descent that suddenly they all
snapped free. Seeing the tear-stained face returning from her
bedroom, the face that they had known for fourteen years, seen
through pain, joy, disaster, love and achievement, seen through
every little moment you could ever imagine, and suddenly knowing
that there was going to be an enormous part of her life that they
would now miss, caused an explosion of emotion. Tess burst into
tears right on the bottom step and Doug went to hold her, his own
eyes dropping tears at the same time. In the kitchen, Carol
covered her mouth with one hand, sobbing silently and Kate joined
her there, hugging her tight from her need to to comfort and be
comforted. Tess was the first one to break free from Doug's
grasp, and called to her sister.
"Kate..." Kate let go of Carol and walked across the
lunge slowly, wiping at her wet cheeks.
"Can you look after Cassie for me?" She held out a
small stuffed bear, no bigger than her hand. It was yellow
underneath the years of dirt and grime and Kate had one exactly
the same. A present from Mark Greene when they were born. They
had no recollection of it, but the small bears had gone
everywhere with them for the better part of three years, and
still now when they were away on trips.
"Why aren't you taking her with you?" Kate sniffed,
taking the bear.
"I don't want to loose her. Please can you keep her?"
"Yeah..." They both dissolved in tears again and Tess
hugged Kate hard, always the initiator of any physical contact
between them. Kate bawled into her twin's shoulder, "Don't
go Tess, please. I want you to stay here." The words were so
muffled and Tess was crying too hard herself to hear them, that
Kate took the lack of response as confirmation of the truth and
cried harder. Doug stood by the stairs, wiping the corner of one
eye with a finger, and holding his other arm out to Carol who had
ventured out of the kitchen.
"I can't believe this, Doug," she said through her
tears.
"Neither can I, sweetie, but it's happening."
In front of them, the twins pulled apart, Kate stepping back and
looked at her parents sadly before turning back to Tess.
"I suppose you should go now...or else you're going to miss
enrollment." She wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve,
but her eyes kept streaming.
"I know," Tess said and looked towards Carol and Doug.
"Okay. Give me a moment to go and wash my face." Carol
jogged up the stairs to the bathroom, running free of Doug's arm.
He pushed his own hair back, taking a deep breath in.
"You all ready?"
"Nope..." This time Tess smiled through her tears at
him, and they went outside to the car. Standing there in the
morning sun, the day could have been mistaken for any other. Doug
looked around at the trees and the slightly cloudy sky.
His attention turned back to Tess, who was shovelling bags to
make enough space for her to sit in. As she climbed back out of
the car again, he addressed her.
"Tessie, listen to me. You know, if there's ever a problem,
if you ever want to come home, you can just call and we'll be
there in a second. Yo know my pager number if I'm not home. I
don't care what the problem is, just call, okay?"
"Okay." Tess bit her bottom lip.
"We're all going to miss you so much." Doug wrapped
around her again, one last time as Carol left the house, car keys
jangling at her side, and Kate not far behind her.
Tess slid into her seat in the car and Doug closed the door for
her as Kate joined him. Carol started the engine and started to
pull away. A tear fell from every eye in the family at that same
point, as Tess waved goodbye from the rear window of the car,
until it was just a dot in the distance.