Back with another chapter. This one is a bit angsty and JJ may come off as a bit jerky but i promise its only for this chapter.

Next chapter should be coming soon... hopefully. I pulled on my own pregnancy experience for the medical jargon, but I am by no means a doctor or any of that so bear with me, and I apologize if its inaccurate in anyway.

My knee bounced anxiously in the waiting room. Swallowing down the bile that rose in my throat I closed my eyes and leaned my head back. For the past three days I had been Sarah's roommate, and she was a great roommate whereas I was a complete disaster. Because of me she hasn't seen John B outside of the time between my work shifts. She has been up early each morning to hold my hair back and was there at night when I broke down from the day. Guilt was coming out my ears, but I couldn't imagine not having her beside me right now.

"Will you stop." She whispered taking my hand. "Everything is going to be fine."

"What if someone sees me here?" I hiss taking a big breath.

"Sweetheart people are going to find out at some point, but I seriously doubt it will be here." She said with a soft knowing smile. "We are the only ones here. We came in the afternoon to avoid all the early appointments."

"I know… I just…"

"Your nervous." She squeezed my hand.

"This is going to make it real Sarah." I whispered. She didn't need to say anything she just held my hand, her thumb running across my knuckles as I tried to curb the anxiety I was feeling. It wasn't more then a few minutes before a women came out in powder pink scrubs, her hair in a loose ponytail.

"Kailynn Evans?" she called looking to me and Sarah. I didn't move right away, frozen in my spot. It wasn't until Sarah stood pulling me with her and towards the woman. The older woman smiled at us sweetly as she ushered us through the door to the back of the office. Along the way she ran standard test, weight and height before finally leading us to a room where she had us sit across from her a folder in front of you. "Kailynn…"

"Kail…" I interrupted quickly before looking at my fingers nervously. "I …I just go by Kail."

"Okay," she nodded with understanding. "Kail. My name is Dr. McKinny, but you can call me Joyce." I nodded but still didn't say much and Dr. McKinny took notice. Pushing her folder to the side she rolled around to sit in front of me. "I know this is scary and a bit overwhelming, but I want you to know that there is no judgement here, and there is nothing to worry about. I want this experience to be as stress free as I can make it, and if you will let me I want to be here for you." I finally managed to look up at her meeting her chocolate brown eyes warm and caring.

"I… I'd like that." I said softly taking a deep breath sitting up a bit straighter.

"Great." Joyce smiled looking to Sarah.

"I'm Sarah," she said.

"It's nice to meet you." The doctor acknowledge warmly. "I'd like to ask a few more questions before we start the more involved part of the appointment if that's okay?"

"Yeah. That's fine." I nodded.

"Okay, let's start with something easy, when was your last menstrual cycle?"

"I've never been regular, but my last one was in May." I answered a bit embarrassed by the question. Joyce made a note in the folder before looking back up at me.

"And do you know how far along you are?" she asked. It was her nice way of asking the last time I slept with someone, without outright asking which I appreciated.

"Yeah, it was… June 11th." I answered confidently.

"Okay great. If that's the case, I would put you at around 9 weeks. Now I want to give you full disclosure, you have options and if you would like I can go over them with you…"

"No…" I answered quickly, my hand instinctively and protectively going to my stomach. "I know my options but… but there really isn't any other option for me." I looked to Sarah who gave me a supportive smile her arm going around my back.

"I am happy for you." Joyce smiled genuinely. "How have you been feeling? Any fatigue? Nausea?"

"Some." I nodded but Sarah cleared her throat scowling at me.

"Kail…" she sighed. "She hasn't been able to keep much of anything down. From the time she is up in the morning to when she gets to bed nothing seems to curb the sickness."

"That's pretty normal at this point, and its okay to admit you haven't been feeling well." She addressed me with a soft smile. "The sick feeling normally ends by the end of the first trimester. It is a bit worrying that you can't keep anything down. I would try drinking a lot of fluids as well as eating small portions of bland meals. I have had patients tell me eating crackers or pretzels through out the day or even right when they wake up helps. If this continues before our next appointment, I need to you to reach out to me or tell Sarah."

"Okay." I nodded a bit hesitant.

"What about fatigue?"

"I mean I work so I am usually tired." I shrugged but one squeeze of Sarah's hand I conceded and rolled my eyes. "I don't sleep very well, it could be anxiety or stress, but sleep has been hard, and between working at the pre-school and serving, I guess I am more tired."

"Although there is nothing wrong with working while pregnant, I want you to listen to your body. Your mind may be telling you, you need to work, but the most important thing right now is your health. This baby needs you to be healthy." I wasn't sure what to say so I just nodded and looked down at me fingers.

"Well why don't we start the exam. Sarah, would you mind stepping out while I check a few personal things with Kail and then I will have you come in for the fun part?" Sarah agreed. I changed into thin robe and Dr. McKinny followed through with a normal exam. I kept telling myself it was normal but felt exposed in more way than the physical meaning as looked over me. Finally, Sarah was let back in the room and sat up by my head. "Okay, everything's looking good so right now why don't we listen to see if we can hear this little one?"

"Isn't it too soon?" I asked as she opened the gown around my stomach.

"Baby's heartbeat should be around 140-170. This is going to be cold." She warned me as she squeezed the jell. I turned my attention to the ceiling as Dr. McKinny turned on the doppler she had the white noise filled the small room and only continued as she placed it to my stomach. Sarah's hand found mine. I hadn't realized I was holding my breath until a new sound came through the machine. It was quiet but it was there, and it was quick. "There it is."

"Oh my…" Sarah whispered. I let a breath out and felt arm tears fall down my cheek as I listened. This was real, my baby was real, I was gonna be a mother.

"I don't normal ask this as its not my place… but the baby's father…"

"He doesn't know yet." I said quietly. "I wanted to be sure before… When I found out I got scared but the father, he… he's a great guy I just don't want to be…"

"Kail, you know he won't think about anything other then you or the baby." Sarah scolded me. This was a conversation we had already had after the drama with my mother. She had been trying to convince me to tell JJ since I moved in with her.

"Well, mom and baby look great, and I look forward to meeting the father." Joyce said putting the machine away and wiping my stomach off. Slowly I sat up holding the gown together. "Based on the conception date and what I just heard I would put your due date around March 4th. Sounds like you have some good support surrounding you Kail, hold onto that and let them help you. I would like to see you in three weeks around the time you will be twelve weeks."

"Is there anything else she should be doing?" Sarah asked as I turned my back to put my clothes back on.

"She should take daily vitamins you can find them at any pharmacy and make sure she is getting enough to eat, I know it may be hard but it's important she is getting enough not just for her but for the baby."

"Thank you Dr. McKinny." Sarah smiled and I turned to stand beside my friend. I scheduled the next appointment and finished filling out a few more papers before we walked out of the office and to Sarah's car. I let out a breath and leaned back into the chair closing my eyes.

"How are you feeling sweetheart?" she asked me.

"I… I'm not sure." I admit. "I should be happy, but I'm more scared now then I was earlier."

"That's normal." Sarah stated. "Come on lets pick something up for dinner, what are you hungry for?"

"I'm not really hungry."

"Kail, you heard the doctor you need to eat." She scolded and I rolled my eyes but conceded to the offer and once we picked up food we were back at her apartment. I hadn't said much since we got back and sat in the living room. We sat in silence letting the sound from the television fill the empty space. I snacked on the food hoping the food would stay and settle. My mind wandered to the appointment today, to everything the doctor had said, to the heart beat I had heard. Just thinking about it made my eye water with emotion.

"So, I want to pick you up from your shift at The Wreck tomorrow." Sarah broke the silence. Blinking back the tears I turned and scowled at her.

"Um… Okay." I responded.

"And I want us to go the Chateau." I could immediately feel my stomach roll and my face pale. "Hear me out Kail. I don't want to force you into telling anyone anything, that's now what this is. They are all worried about you, and you need them. They are your family as much as you are there's, you have been a constant in their lives forever and to just cut yourself out… its not fair to any of you. They love you and they will still love you when you do tell them, but if nothing else you need to see them, they need to know you are okay and alive and not… not spiraling."

Putting my drink down I sat forward on the couch and leaned on my elbows looking at the carpet. "How am I supposed to face them, Sarah? After cutting them off, after keeping this secret from them…"

"After everything we have all been through together Kail, I think you owe it to them to have faith in them, in us."

"Okay." I nodded, "But no promises about staying."

"Baby steps." Sarah smiled and I looked up at her raising an eyebrow to her word choice. She just shrugged and I laughed.

The next day seemed to go by in a blur, and before I knew it Sarah and I were headed through the Outerbanks towards the old fish shack that was like a second home. I hadn't slept the night, after a few nightmares about the baby, and seeing JJ again I had given up and resigned myself to lay on the couch. Once at work everything seemed to go smoothly and now as I watched the trees as they passed, I could feel my heart pounding and my hands were shaking.

"Everything will be fine." Sarah said trying to ease my anxiety. "There is no expectation today, just everyone hanging out."

"Easy for you to say. I told JJ to leave me alone, I doubt he want anything to do with me."

"He's worried about you, yeah he may be hurt about what was said but he genuinely is concerned and doesn't know what to do." She explained pulling up to the shack. She was out of the car before I could say anything else, and I sat and watched as she walked up the porch of the Chateau. I contemplated staying in the car, I could just wait this out, but there was a higher percent chance of all the Pogues coming to pull me out of the car rather than let me mope alone. Taking a deep breath, I finally got enough courage to open the door and walk towards the house.

I could hear talking and laughing as I walked around the porch slowly. Coming into view Sarah smiled at me from her spot on John B's lap in the recliner. John B stopped the conversation he was having to look over at me. I wasn't sure what he saw but I could see his eyebrow knit ever so slightly together concerned. Patting Sarah's arm he sat up and walked towards me. Wrapping his arms around me I let out the breath I was holding and embraced him.

"Took you long enough." He said pulling away to look at me. "Where the hell have you been, we've all tried to reach out but…"

"Yeah, shit with my mom hit the fan." I shrugged pulling away from him. "Still trying to just get my bearings."

"So, you abandon us for two week?" Kie questioned from the couch I heard Sarah hiss at Kie under her breath, but I shook my head and turned to Kie moving to sit beside her on the couch.

"I deserve that." I nodded. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you all out to dry and shit, I just needed to get in the right head space to fully deal. It's been a lot."

"Girl, you were there for my almost boarding school fiasco, if you can help me through that the least, I can do is give you a shoulder after your mom loses her shit." Kie said putting an arm over my shoulder.

"When have I ever made it easy to be my friend." I laughed. "I am sorry though." I added looking up at John B who I could tell wasn't buying all of it but was accepting what he could get.

"Don't do it again." He shrugged before sitting in the chair again before adding with a smile. "Sarah won't be able to keep me from dragging your ass over here next time."

"I'll keep that in mind." I chuckled before looking around the deck. "No Pope?" I questioned avoiding mentioning the other person I wasn't seeing.

"He was helping his pops out, JJ was gonna pick him up after he got done at the shop." I nodded in understanding and fell into easy conversation with the group. It was like old times, nothing seemed off and it felt nice to relax, even if it was just for a moment. I was able to forget my problems and sat on the dock as John B and Sarah swam. There was a familiar rumble at the front of the house, and all the calm I was feeling was instantly replaced.

Soon Pope and JJ rounded the corner, and I could see JJ hesitate when he saw me sitting on the railing, but he quickly recovered and grabbed a beer from the porch before moving to start a fire in the bit beside the hot tub. Eventually I followed Kie up towards the house and found a chair to sit in across from JJ. I didn't like this feeling, before I would have sat next to him, if not on him just to feel some sort of comfort but now all I felt was a coldness between us, one I had never felt before. I was keeping a huge secret from him, he deserved to know.

"So, where you been stranger?" Pope asked plopping down beside Kie. I was lost in the fire, but I pulled myself away from it to look at my friend. John B came around with Sarah beers in hand, handing them out. When he got to me, I just shook my head. From across from me I saw JJ briefly scowl at me as if concerned before masking the expression with annoyance.

He wanted so much be angry, but I could see there was a part of him that knew the outburst they other night was something bigger.

"Um… my mom came back the other night on a rampage." I sighed turning my attention to Pope. "Pretty sure she got dumped hard. Took the time to make sure I knew it was my fault. That if I didn't start pulling my weight she would kick me out. It had been a rough day and I kinda just snapped."

"Shit." Kie cursed beside me sitting up. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"You're mom realizes you pay the bills right?" Pope commented and I just rolled my eyes shrugging.

"I left, so I guess she'll find out." I answered standing. "I'm gonna go get some water." Walking into the Chateau. Standing by the sink I let the water run and closed my eyes and my hand shakily lightly touched my stomach.

"Hey." John B said quietly behind me making me jump. "Sorry, I just wanted to check on you."

"I… I'm good." I smiled clearing my throat turning the water off. Looking past him at the glow of the fire. "How's he doing really?"

"Confused." John B answered honestly. "His best friend left him without an explanation."

"You're his best friend JB."

"He wants to know what he did wrong." John B ignored my comment and followed my gaze. "He is almost a bit… lost."

"I never meant for that to happen." I said a pang of guilt gripping me.

"Talk to him." John B offered. "I am sure whatever it is isn't as bad as you are making it." I nodded without responding moving towards the door, but he stopped me holding my arm and turning me towards him. "are you sure you're okay?"

I looked up at him and swallowed hard. "No. but I am working on it." I stated pulling away from him and walked back outside. He stayed close behind me as we made our way back around the fire. Taking a seat, I caught Sarah's concerned glance and gave her a small reassuring smile. As the night progressed, JJ continued to ignore me but kept glancing my way when he thought I wasn't looking. John B and Pope grilled up some burgers for everyone and when I declined it earned me worried eyes from everyone aside from Sarah who was ready to scold me.

At some point a blunt was rolled and being passed around and I watched as it slowly made its way to JJ who stood, took a drag and walked over to me. He hadn't said a word to me all night, he had been drinking and smoking and I could see that he was starting to look intoxicated. I sigh knowing what was coming as he stood beside me holding the Jay out to me.

"I'm good." I said quietly shaking my head.

"Yeah, I'm sure you are." He snipped putting the blunt to his lips and taking a drag.

"Jay…"

"Suddenly too good for all of right." He laughed under his breath. "Can't eat, or drink with us anymore?"

"That's not it." I shook my head with a sigh. "Maybe we should talk about this later?"

"No, I think I'm good." He said and I looked up to see the others staring at us.

"Okay, you know what I think I'm just going to go." I said standing up and watched Sarah start to stand. "No, you hangout I think I'm just gonna walk."

"Too good for us now?" JJ called out as I started to walk away. I could hear John B hiss at his friend but the crunching of footsteps behind me told me JJ was following me, clearly not done with our conversation. "Too good to eat with us, too good to drink with us, to smoke, to just hang out."

"That's not it," I sighed stopping to turn and face him. "And maybe we should do this when you are sober."

"Trust me Kail, I am thinking clearly. I have had two weeks to try and figure out what happened, to think on this. Two weeks to figure out what the hell happened, and you know what, maybe you just realized you were better than us…"

"You're kidding me, right?" I asked shocked. JJ and I had, had our fair share of fights but it had never been this blunt.

"What else am I supposed to think Kail!" he raised his voice and the more I stared at him the more I started to feel anxious, the others started to walk over, and John B was holding Sarah back. "What am I supposed to think when the person I used to see everyday refuses to see and tells me to leave her alone. What am I supposed to do when I can't talk to you, what am I supposed to…"

"I'm pregnant!" I shouted. I could feel my cheeks flush, but I was overwhelmed and angry. My outburst surprised everyone, and they all stared at me shocked. I watched JJ's eyes widen and I closed my own running a hand through my hair. "Shit."

"Kail…" Kie said behind JJ but when I opened my eyes again, I kept them locked on JJ's.

"This wasn't how you were supposed to find out." I said. "You really think I wanted to push you all away?" I wasn't sure if JJ was going to respond he seemed frozen, but when he finally spoke my heart broke.

"Who…"

"Please tell me you aren't about to ask me who's baby it is JJ…"

"Shit, I don't know… Maybe after graduation or before you…"

"God JJ. You have been the only one in the last six month. I don't just go sleep around!" I said loudly hurt. "I have worked my whole life to not be my mother. Everyone has always put me in the same category as her I can't believe you would too."

"That's not what I meant." He tried to defend but I just shook my head.

"My whole life… since the moment I could start understanding things I have been the mistake. I was her mistake. It was my fault my father didn't stay, it was my fault she can hold down a man, my fault she was stuck in cut. All of it. I was her mistake, and she has made sure that I knew that." I said quietly the tears that had been building were now streaking down my cheeks. Placing my hand on my stomach I took a deep breath. "I refuse to let this baby feel the same. I made a choice… We made choice but not a mistake. I may not be sure how the hell I am going to do any of this, but I know I wont make this baby feel unwanted or unloved."

"I…" JJ still seemed stuck in his words, "I don't know what you want me to say, what you want from me."

"Nothing JJ… I don't expect anything." I laughed in disbelief rolling my eyes. "I doubt my dad even knows I exist. My mom took that from him and me. I am not putting this kid through that. So, you know what? What you choose to do from here is your choice, JJ."

After that I turned and walked away leaving them all standing. The tears were flowing freely now, I was shaking, it was hard to breath all I wanted to do was curl into a ball. It felt like my heart was being ripped out. I wasn't sure if I just lost my friends. The only family I ever had, or felt safe with were watching me walk away and I wasn't sure what was going to happen now.

Thanks for hanging out.

If you have any suggestions please let me know. I have big plot points mapped out but i am open for filler suggestions if you have any.

:)