A/N: I've finally got myself together to do traitor arc on some of alts, two years after completing it on my main - the smuggler. What a lovely idea for two weeks of summer holidays - or for b-day time: running whole Iokath to Nathema story. On three characters. In a row ^^'
Knowing what to expect and playing chars with different love interests than Theron, things were much easier than for the first time; still, far from pleasant. And, of course, memories from smuggler's run were popping up all along. Had to deal with them the usual way - by writing a weirdo story on the subject.
"I love you. Stay safe"
Holocall ends - and that's just that. Nothing else to do than to wrap herself in a blanket and catch some sleep before the early morning tasks.
.
Iokath.
Even engulfed with fury, Jace Malcom is ever the soldier. He knows how to handle a blaster all too well.
She dies.
.
Iokath.
Sabotaged throne hits her hard and fries her implants. Unconscious in an instant, she's unable to call out to the Eternal Fleet.
She dies.
.
Umbara.
Derailed train crashes and falls apart into a cloud of razor-sharp debris spreading at high speed. Any object on its way is being shred to pieces.
She dies.
.
Copero.
Valss is a surprisingly powerful Force user. Chiss warrior fights for his ideals with all the might.
She dies.
.
Abandoned Imperial listening post.
Tampered self-destruction protocol reactivates too early. Charges set off and whole station blows up together with the shuttle.
She dies.
.
Oh, but Commander is very much alive; alive and wide awake. She's been woken up with own terrified shrieks. Now she's sitting on the bunk, gripping its edge on each of her sides like a lifeline. With cold sweat running down the spine, she's shivering hard, trying to catch her breath and locate discarded blanket. It's one of those nightmare nights, apparently. Those don't happen often anymore; with time passing by they're less and less frequent, but still - even this rare, they're tough to handle all the same.
There is a single good thing to the whole situation. This one time, her nighttime distress didn't wake Theron up. He's still on Odessen, coordinating actions of the Alliance leftovers. And Commander is on Manaan again, helping with maintaining fragile agreement between the Republic and the Selkath.
"Stay safe", he said. As usual, it's easier said than done. The area isn't exactly close to front line, but the tiny shuttle she spends the night in isn't the safest place, either. Imps could simply bombard the whole of landing pad; Selkath isolationists might come up with more subtle act of sabotage, limited to the Outlander's ship only. Either way, she can die quite easily, any moment - and that's just tonight, when taking a well-deserved rest. Tomorrow is another busy day on the battlefield, where anything might happen. She needs to be in top shape; instead, the woman is barely able to stay upright.
If you're living a dangerous life, you don't like to be reminded how fragile you actually are. And if other people's life depends on yours, you don't like to be reminded how easily things can go wrong - leading to many more deaths than just your own. Commander's nightmares are exactly that, brutal reminders of how quickly she could've been wiped out of existence, back in that darkest time of her life.
Theron's plan was really, truly stupidly haphazard. It's been incredibly risky to put all his faith into person who could just curl up in a weeping ball of human misery any second. Yet, Theron had faith in her all along. He believed in her strength that would put good of the galaxy as the ultimate goal; strength that would keep personal hurt as deep as possible until the right moment. It turned up the faith was well founded - but so many things could've gone wrong, every single step; things neither of them had much of control over. Not only they could lose each other forever. As horrifying as it seems, things could've gone even worse. Each time any would possibly die, millions of lives would perish as well, friends and strangers alike, as the result of Commander not being able to stop the machine god and its masters.
Years have passed since that painful time, some things have changed - and some have not.
Commander is older now; wiser with all the experience maybe, but also more tired. And one would thought she'd be more cautious now. Having already a taste of what it's like, she's indeed more afraid of losing the life she has, all the people and places and emotions related. Age takes its toll on the woman's body as well, not just her mind. Relying on own wits and reflexes is going to be more and more risky. It's only natural that her reactions might start becoming slower, her aim less accurate. Her body will start giving up, won't be absolutely reliable sooner or later. No number of new implants, no amount of fancy adrenals is going to help with that. She should slow down, maybe even retire completely. At the very least, she ought to stop diving head-first into danger.
But, what has never changed is the need to make things right, as she puts it. Of course, Commander can't be everyone's savior, it's impossible and she's well aware of the fact. But if she can help somewhere, if she can limit devastation and loss happening to others, she will - or die trying. And she's not alone in this pursuit. Time and again, the woman is marveling over her luck. It's such a gift, to be with love of your life that fully supports your ventures. She appreciates the gift with whole of her heart. Theron has faith in her - he still strongly believes she will overcome any weakness of body or mind in the fight for better future. And, as much as the ex-spy loves her, as much as he hates to see his partner risking her life, Theron wouldn't want things to be any other way either. He feels the weight of responsibility exactly as she does, no matter the danger it might put them both in.
Commander smiles at the thought of Theron's loving rants over her recklessness. She already misses them, and the comforting embrace that always comes after.
Time to get a grip, pick sweat-drenched blanket from the floor and get back to sleep, even if nightmares are to return. She'll face them again and again, as many times as necessary.
"Stay safe", he said.
It won't be easy, but she will. She wants to, for everyone out there who still has faith in her. And, for Theron and herself.