What I really Meant To say
A/N: This is something that I just thought up. Please excuse any mistakes, because, I know that they are there. Well tell me what you thought of it.
When I saw you standin' there
Close enough to touch
Breathin' the same air
You asked me how I'd been
I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine
Oh, but baby I was lyin'
"And then he, Lily, you ok?" asked Lindsey Stradford, my best friend.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking," I said. It was the truth, I was thinking, I was dreaming to be precise.
"Ok, well, anyway, he took 10 points from Gryffindor. Can you believe it?"
"For what, just sneezing in his class?" asked Miranda, my other best friend.
"It's not like you could help it," said Harmony.
"I know," Lindsey said seething with rage.
It was then That I looked around, I faltered when I saw James Potter standing with his friends, they were my friends too, but I hadn't really talked to them science we broke up. He was so close to me, I could reach out my hand and poke him if I wanted to.
"Hey, How've you been?" he asked,
I forced a smile and said that I was fine.
He nodded and then turned and walked away. I stared after him for a few minutes.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dyin' here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby, here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
(And, that's what I really meant to say)
"Lily, earth to Lily, " I hard my name and snapped out of my trance.
"I'm an idiot." With that I fled the ball.
"What's wrong with her?" asked Harmony.
"I've got one word for you: James," Miranda said glumly.
"Poor Lil, said Lindsey softly
"I wish we could do something," Miranda sighed and agreed with Harmony.
And as you walked away
The echo of my words
Cut just like a knife
Cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held on to my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you'll ever know
I Crawled into bed and started to cry silently.
"I'm fine."
Those dreaded words kept replaying themselves in my head. After a few minutes, I heard footsteps coming up the stairs.
I yanked the curtains shut around my bed, and hoped that they would leave me alone.
"Lil? You awake?" asked Miranda.
I wasn't, but pretended to be anyway.
"Man, she is so miserable." Said Lindsey.
I felt like someone just cut open the wound that happened over a month ago when James told me that it wasn't going to work out. Like some one stuck me with a knife over and over again.
"I hope this is hurting him as much as it is me." I thought.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dyin' here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby, here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
(And, that's what I really meant to say)
I lay awake that night thanking god that as Saturday so that I could ignore him and not have to look at him, or speak to him. Though I probably should talk to the others, because it's not their fault that he is tearing me up inside. It seems like each day is worse than the day before. Why did I even go to the damn ball?
I woke up early the next morning, and pulled out a quill and piece of parchment. I wrote , then crumpled it up, when I was completed after several tries, I looked at it with satisfaction. It read: James, ( a/n: it's the verse of the song below end a/n)
What I really meant to say
Is I'm really not that strong
No matter how I try
I'm still holdin' on
And here's the honest truth
I'm still in love with you
And, that's what I really meant to say
I folded the parchment neatly and put it into my pocket. Making a mental note to send it later so he would get it tomorrow at breakfast. I shook Lindsey awake and then Miranda and Harmony.
"Hey Lil, want to go to Hogsmade?" asked Lindsey.
"Sure, when?" I asked casually.
"After breakfast, I'm starved," said Harmony.
I smiled and then a sudden pang of hurt came over her. ' That's where James took me on our first date. And he said the same thing too!' I thought.
It must have shown on my face because Miranda asked me if I was all right.
"Yes, I'm fine. But I need to stop at the owlery to send something." I said as cheerfully as possible.
"Sure, let's get dressed and go down to breakfast." Said Lindsey. "I'm starting to get a tad bit hungry.
" I'll meet you down there. I'm gonna head to the owlery, and then go down ok?" I asked.
"Sure," I walked out of the room, and then to the portrait hole. I made my way to the owlery, and found that my owl, pepper, was snoozing peacefully in the rafters. I called to her, and soon she appeared with her leg sticking out. I tied it on to her and told her to take it to James. She hooted, and went back up. I headed down to breakfast to find that my friends weren't there yet. I sat and waited for them to arrive. After about five minutes, they came and sat down beside me.
That's what I really meant to say
When owl post arrived that morning, Pepper flew over to James to deliver her message. After she had given it to him, his own owl arrived with something. He knew who my owl was, so he pocketed the other thing, and read mine first. When he finished, he looked around the table for me, when he saw me staring at him, I did not look away or blush. Why should I? I don't know how long we were staring at each other, but Sirius noticed, and sudden found that he forgot his homework, and wanted Peter to go with him, and Remus had somehow forgotten to get a quill, so James was left alone. As they past, I head Remus tell Lindsey to get Mir and Harm and go with her to the common room. That they were having a Marauder, and Maradete meeting.
"But what about Lils?" she had asked.
"Well, she is a little busy at the moment," I'm guessing that they all looked at me, because I heard Harmony say, well I guess we'd better be going now. I then snapped out of my faraway state when James stood up. My gaze followed him over to my seat.
"I think we need to talk." He said.
"Yeah,"
"You done eating?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied.
We walked to the door, and stopped in the corridor.
"Look, I'm sorry. I know that you are probably over me, but I had to tell you," I said sadly.
"I'm not," he looked me in the eye, and continued. "I'm far from it," he said sadly.
"Did you rehearse that?" I asked, cracking a smile.
"Nope it came naturally." He said with the mischievous glint back in his eyes.
"I'm sure," I rolled my eyes.
"Ok, maybe once or twice,"
"That's better," I grinned for the first time in almost a month.
"So,"
"So," I repeated.
"Are we now back together?" he asked hopefully.
'I don't know, are you gonna break my heart again?" I asked him seriously.
"Nope," he said surly.
"Then we are," I said firmly.
"Does that mean that I can kiss you?" he asked.
"Yes it does,"
There was cheering, that I'm guessing was from Sirius, Remus, Peter, Harmony, Lindsey, and Miranda.
I didn't care though.
When we pulled apart, McGonagall was standing there. I grinned sheepishly at her.
"Well, now, I suppose that you two may need a little time to breathe, So I will find some punishment for breaking the rules." She said looking a little embarrassed at walking out on them.
"Oh, come now, Professor, may I talk to you quickly?" asked Dumbledore.
"Yes you may." She said following him to the other end of the corridor, and then they started to whisper.
"Ok, you two are let off of your punishment. But next time," she tried to sound scary, "you won't be so lucky," she completed, but sounded the same as always. "What do you have to say for yourselves?" she asked.
"Woops?" James offered politely.
The professor sighed, and walked away muttering about something.
"Well now, I think things will be back to normal now," said Sirius as they all headed to Charms.
"Yep," Miranda agreed as we walked into the room.
That's what I really meant to say
A/N: So, what did you think? Like it. I think that it is ok. But then again no one asked me.
Disclaimer: I own the cheese that I'm eating now, Miranda, Lindsey, and Harmony.I think that is all. But if not, I'm not claiming things that aren't mine, and oh,I own the Maradetes. Don't ask. I was bored.
Um I can't remember who owns the song, but I don't, so blah.
I'm done now.
Goodbye.