The
fan fiction disclaimer has been shrunk to the size of this . thanks to microdot
technology and the fact that if anyone claims I wrote this for money, I'll put
em into a crippler cross face so fast he'll be wondering how to spell
lawsuit.
FIC:
Wrasslin is Painful!!! Episode 1
Author's
Note: I stayed up til 7am reading Smittywing and almost blew chunks it
was so good, so with that in mind, and everyone's love of Wrasslin I had to do
this.
Because
YOU demanded it....
'Wing
Wrestling Federation in association with UPN proudly presents
Wrasslin
Is Painful!!!!! (cue the fun music and pyrotechnics)
Brendan:
I'm Brendan Storm and I'm here with Jerry "The King" Laller with
a Standing Room Only capacity crowd here at the HavenArena (Camera pans around
showing fans screaming several women holding up signs saying "Damn
Fine" and "I'm having Roy's Baby too!" along with the usual
John 3:16 and Who's next signs.)
Our
first bout tonight features a dynamic tag team championship match between the
tag team of Dinah and Bruce Versus Christian and Edge in an amazing Death
Defying Ladder Match, later in the show Stone Cold Steve Austin and Wolverine
from the X-men battle it out in a no holds barred lumberjack match.
Jerry:
You know that Canadian Chris Benoit will be on Wolvie's side doing whatever he
can to make sure the Canuck wins at any cost.
B:
You don't like Benoit much do you?
Jerry:
Anybody who can be persuaded to quit the team he made famous is not worth my
respect Rabbit.
B:
Right, well also on last week's episode, Bane called out Superstar Legend The
Rock and we have the tape right here.
(Camera
pans to Trinatron)
Bane:
ROCK! You are a weak little man, and I will destroy you, because I am the
King of my Domain. I will snap you like a twig just as I did that fool
Batman.
(Camera
back to Brendan, a six foot six white rabbit in a nice suit and a silver eye
patch covering his right eye)
B:
Well there you have it. (Rock's Music plays) What's this?
Rock:
Shut Up Rabbit, it is Time for the Rock to talk! (Rock runs down to the
ring with a mike) The Rock does not care about this Bane. The Rock
only cares about the people. And the people know, because you know they
know, that the Rock's new movie is dominating at the Cineplex. What has
this Bung done?
Jerry:
He's done a book tour, hurt the Bat and almost claimed the title.
Rock:
The Rock does not care what Bung's done! That jabroney is about to spend
a night in the Smackdown hotel, if you smellllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!!
(Camera
pans across crowd cheering wildly)
What
the ROCK is .. (people's eyebrow) cookin.
Brendan:
Amazing, did you hear that Jerry?
Jerry:
I heard that Brendan, the Rock has just accepted Bane's challenge
tonight! Here at HavenArena! (Crowd screaming)
(Lights
go down, Elfman Bat music wafts out of the rafters, the signal flashes off the
trinatron along with scenes of Batman and Canary beating up several tag
teams. The signal drops to the stage and there stands Dinah Lance who
throws a Canary cry to the floor with a shriek. She runs down to the ring
and hops up on the turnbuckles showing off. Batman swings down from a
rafter on a decel' line and stands in the middle of the ring silently.
Canary runs over to him and caresses his Val Kilmer Kevlar nipples and then
takes the cape off his neck so people can't strangle him when he wrassles.)
Jerry:
As usual the Batman, that Crazed vigilante from Gotham has defiled the Wrasslin
codes by swinging down from the rafters. Does he have no respect?
Brendan:
No Jerry, but unlike others before, he brings his own equipment, and the
commissioner can't fine him.
Jerry:
Well, it doesn't hurt to have Gordon in your pocket that's for sure.
Brendan:
That's not fair. Jim Gordon is a respected, well loved man, Jerry,
how can you say that he'd ever be bribed?
Jerry:
Who signs your paycheck?
Brendan:
This is about my raise?
(Meanwhile
the music for Christian and the Edge starts and the two bounce around on the
main stage then bring in two giant ladders. Unfolding them once they have
them into the ring. Two belts are suspended from the stadium
ceiling. The crowd jeers and boos at the two)
Brendan:
Forget it Jerry. There's Christian and the Edge, nationally known for
amazing punishment and incredible acrobatic displays in ladder matches like
these.
Jerry:
That's right, Brendan they're historically famous for these matches and OH MY
GOD! Did you see that? Dinah Lance The Black Canary has just started this
match with an amazing flying Elbow right into the Edge, he's down and she's got
a scissor lock on him already. She's Gonna break a rib squeezing the boy
like that, it's incredible! I don't know what she sees in the Bat, but
she's an amazing athlete.
Brendan:
That's right Jerry, Dinah is incredible alright.
Jerry:
Lance gets up and does an amazing suplex that has the already stunned Edge on
his knees now. This is brutal! Never have I seen such a display from such
a beautiful combatant.
Brendan:
You're drooling Jerry. Dinah tags out to the Dark Knight and he's in
edge's face with several punishing head slaps, he throws him right across the
ring into One Of the Ladders!! Amazing, that's one ladder crumpled with
the impact! Edge staggers up and manages to tag Christian who comes out
and spears the Masked Vigilante right into the turnbuckle! Oh That's just
wrong! Christian is head butting Batman in the gut (crowd screams
ONE! Two!! Three!! Four!! Five!!) Batman is hurting folks, I
haven't seen him take this kind of punishment since the DC/Marvel match ups in
the 90's. Christian has the Bat laid out on the ground and is about to
climb the ropes for a flying attack, but what's this? Canary's just
grabbed his leg and OH that's gotta hurt! The ref is warning Dinah now
and Oh my lord The Edge has Batman in a chokehold.
Jerry:
That's a great tag team right there, go on the offensive while the ref is not
looking, Brendan. Batman looks winded, but he's struggling to get out of the
headlock. Christian is climbing the ladder and Oh!!! Look at
that!!!
Brendan:
Amazing! An incredible moonsol off the ladder onto the Dark Night!
Batman's reaching out to Lance, and Christian pulls him back before tearing
into him with a stunning axe handle across the shoulders. The Bat's down
folks. He's hurtin, Someone should stop this thing!!!
(The
Crowd starts chanting "Bat Bat Bat Bat Bat Bat")
Jerry:
What's this? The Caped Crusader is gaining some of his strength back as
the crowd chants. A beautiful scissor kick and Christian is down
again. Oohh A punishing knee to the kidney of Christian! The boy
isn't trying to get up. Batman is heading for the ladder, he's halfway up
the ladder!!!
Brendan:
No! Edge has come out and grabbed Batman by the legs, Batman's chin
connects with three of the steps as he's pulled down, but there's Dinah with an
incredible roundhouse kick that sends Edge into a turnbuckle, he's down!!
Dinah high fives the Bat who's off to the edge and Christian had dragged Edge
out of the ring. Dinah's up the ladder, she's almost got the belt!
Christian from the Turnbuckle! Christian from the Turnbuckle! Oh My
Lord! Dinah was so close! She lands flat and Christian looks
dazed! Backhand Punch from the Bat and he's down! Batman is
reaching for Dinah's hand, she's trying to catch her breath!! She doesn't
see him!
Jerry:
There's the tag as Dinah stumbles back into Batman's grasp. She shakes
her head, what is she doing?
Brendan:
She kissed him!
Jerry:
I thought they weren't sleeping together!
Brendan:
Five years now!
Jerry:
Amazing! Batman's rejuvenated and does an amazing Franken Steiner!
This looks like the end Kids! Edge is still out from the hit he took
moments ago, and the Bat is up the ladder! He's got the belts!
There's the Bell! Dinah Lance and Batman retain the tag team championship
belts!
Brendan:
And we'll be back after this announcement by Spandex, sponsors and Official
costume material of the 'Wing Wrasslin Federation!
So?
Who's next?
