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When Antonia thought of monsters, she never thought of children.

She remembered how her mother had reluctantly told her scary stories when she was still a child, how she begged her for the most gruesome ones at night. Her father, on the other hand, had preferred fairy tales, claiming that these were far more suited for children and far less likely to cause her nightmares. After all, fairy tales had happy endings and the good guys always won.

But the fairy tales in which a parent abandoned their children in the woods had unsettled her far more than the stories in which a usually hideous, and sometimes attractive evil came to steal them from their parents. She had wanted to hear about ghosts that haunted houses, vampires that preferred the blood of children, and monsters that devoured those who were the most vulnerable.

The evil witches and stepmothers in the fairy tales never had a convincing motif for their wrongdoings. Why would anyone eat children if they lived in a house made of cake? Why would an animal come up with an elaborate plan to simply eat a young girl when there was a forest full of game? Why would parents leave their children voluntarily?

The monsters and ghost in the horror stories, on the other hand, had been out for revenge or redemption, possibly both.

And now, as she watched the boy being dragged into the court room, she could not fathom how anyone could address him as a monster.

To her, Eren Yaeger looked like a thirteen, maybe fourteen-year-old child. A scared one, on top of that.

With his entrance, the vivid murmur that had filled the room came to an abrupt stop. His steps echoed through the large room.

Antonia flinched as the boy stumbled forward, his movements awkward and unsure.

The boy seemed to become smaller with every pair of eyes that fixed its scrutinizing gaze on him.

And just like all the others, she watched as the young cadet was pushed forward through the court room until they restrained him in its middle, forcing him into an uncomfortable looking crouching position.

Antonia could only feel sorry for him.

Today, the court had assembled to discuss both the titan-shifter's motifs and future.

Erwin, of course, was eager to get the cadet with the mysterious power into his division. And apparently, Eren Yaeger's own wish aligned with his desire. At least that was what Erwin had told them.

And, although she knew that it might have been just naïve and wishful thinking, she could not help feeling hopeful that Eren Yaeger might turn out to be a valuable ally to them. After all, the reports said that he had used his powers to seal the breach in wall Rose, and consequently prevented another humanitarian disaster.

Without him, they would have lost so many more civilian lives.

Levi had told her that the brat wanted to wipe out all the titans – and that he would be able to deal with him if the boy decided that he, in fact, wanted to kill humans instead.

In fact, Levi's ability to do precisely that was the only leverage they had.

And Erwin was keen to use it to win this case.

Antonia knew that it was the only option they had if they wanted to ensure Eren Yaeger's survival and to moreover investigate the nature of his power. Any other outcome would entail the boy's death.

And yet, she did not look forward to seeing Erwin's plan carried out.

She threw a glance at humanity's strongest soldier and the 13th commander of the survey corps. Their faces gave nothing away. Erwin's face was a mask of composed seriousness that fit well into the atmosphere of a court hearing whereas Levi looked indifferent to his surroundings, at most throwing a contemptuous glance at the people seating on the other side of the room.

She could not blame him. There were too many influential people with too many different interests present. And not one of these interests aligned with theirs.

Antonia made sure to not let her eyes linger for too long.

Behind her, Hange and Miche entered the loge. She wondered how well the two of them had prepped the boy for what he was about to experience. Her gut told her that her squad leader might have let out a few very important details. On the other hand, it might be possible that the cadet just had weak nerves.

In all honesty, she would not look any calmer than the boy if she was in his position.

Hange had been so thrilled upon finding out about the existence of the boy with the mysterious titan's powers that she was almost unbearable in her uncontained excitement. But now, as she came to a halt next to her, her superior seemed dead serious.

Looking to her right, Antonia could see that Hange's fists were clenched as she took in the scene below them with a frown on her face.

Apparently, Hange was equally unhappy with their role as silent observers.

Antonia would have liked to ask her how she assessed the boy's situation. But with the grave silence that hung in the room, even a whispered conversation would have been too much.

All they could do was watch and listen.

And so they did.

Antonia soon noticed that Eren Yaeger was not timid at all. Faced with different parties demanding his dissection, he remained impressively calm. Calmer than they had anticipated. Too calm.

And just when she wondered how Erwin's plan would work out, the boy snapped.

Apparently, he and another cadet had killed three robbers at the gentle age of nine. Based on this information, several merchants demanded his childhood friend's execution as well.

Suddenly, the boy's voice thundered through the court room, expressing both (reasonable) insults and demands.

And once the silence after his outburst was disturbed by the sound of cocking guns, Antonia knew that they had just reached the critical phase of the plan. The one she had dreaded.

She did not want to see a child getting shot in front of her. She did not want to see him getting shot in front of her.

The noise of Levi's knee hitting the boy's face made her flinch.

And he did not stop at that. She, just like the rest of the court, watched with wide eyes as humanity's strongest soldier, wearing his usual bored expression, beat the living daylight out of Eren Yaeger.

Maybe it was morbid fascination that kept all of them petrified and glued their eyes to the scene taking place in front of them. The minutes in which no one dared to utter a word of objection about what was happening in front of them, stretched effortlessly

Antonia felt a mixture of shame and pity as she watched the defenceless cadet's blood drip from his chin and onto the floor. She felt ashamed that their plan required Levi to put on this show.

Not for the first time, she wished that she wasn't so powerless. She wished she could make it stop.

Suddenly, as if he had felt her gaze more than all the other pairs of eyes focused on him and the boy, Levi looked at her. Immediately, she could feel her heart sink.

And before she could even attempt to wipe the bitter expression from her face in order to substitute it with something that might have looked reassuring or at least neutral, he blinked and focused back on the cadet crouched in front of him to shove his boot into his mouth.

To her, it felt like it would go on forever.

It was only when Eren Yaeger, shortly after losing a tooth, looked at Levi with pure hatred in his eyes, that the atmosphere changed again.

Nile Dok, the commander of the military police brigade, was the first to free himself from the trance. It was as if he suddenly remembered why they had assembled.

"What if you make him so mad that he turns into a titan, Levi?"

And then, finally, it stopped. Antonia let go of a breath that felt like she had been holding it in for a long time. Levi let go of the boy's hair and, lacking the respect required of any other person talking to a commander, pointed out to him that dissecting might quite possibly anger the boy as well.

As she saw the fear on the faces of Dok and his soldiers, Antonia knew that Erwin's gamble was a success.

Eren Yaeger would become a member of the survey corps and the newest addition to its special operations squad. If he turned out to be threat instead of an asset, he would do so beyond the wall and under Levi's watchful eye.

But as she looked at the slouched form of the half-unconscious boy, she really could not see a monstrous threat.

Antonia felt like she was doing something forbidden or stupid, quite possibly both, as she leaned against the white wall, wishing she could melt into it so that she would look less out of place.

Her heart hammered in her chest. She believed that she could almost feel the muscle pumping against her forearms. While it was not a particularly reassuring sensation, she still kept them crossed in front of her chest. Otherwise, she would not have known what to do with her hands.

She was waiting for Levi.

Knowing him, she was sure that he would not join the others before thoroughly washing his hands after he had dirtied them with Eren Yaeger's blood.

And for some reason that she was not so sure about, she had decided that it would be a good idea to not immediately catch up with the others.

Antonia was not even sure what she wanted to say. She only knew that she felt like she owed him an apology.

But if she did not know what exactly she wanted to apologize for, how on earth should he make sense of it?

Just when she decided that her impulse was too silly to be followed, she smelled soap.

Of course, he was the only person who walked with such a silent step that It would be possible for her to smell him before hearing or seeing him.

For a brief second, she wondered if this was how Miche perceived the world. If his olfactory sense alerted him of anyone approaching long before he could see them. If it would confuse him if they changed the soap they used.

But once she felt his eyes on her, these thoughts were quickly pushed out of her mind. As he walked up to her, she offered him a weak smile that felt both displaced and late – and, of course, was not reciprocated. One of her hands crawled upwards to her necklace.

"How are you feeling?"

He shrugged, his face the epitome of indifference.

"Well, Erwin's plan worked out and we've got the brat in our ranks, now," he muttered, "for better or worse."

"He seems to be," Antonia searched for a fitting word, "passionate. Do you think he will adjust well to your squad?"

"Is that what you wanted to talk about?" he asked, and suddenly, Antonia remembered that conversations with Levi were the hardest when she tried to be pleasant. And so much easier when she was honest.

It was time to pull herself together.

"No. I wanted to ask you if you're okay. And to say that I'm sorry you had to put on that show."

The way he narrowed his eyes made her wonder if he thought that she was slow.

"Why wouldn't I?"

Then again, conversations with him were rarely easy.

She hesitated, wondering if there was a euphemism suitable for this situation, and then decided to be blunt.

"Because you had to beat up that boy."

"So? It was necessary."

"Still, it was a lot to ask of you. I don't know if I could have done it."

"Probably not. You couldn't even hit Hange during training," he stated matter-of-factly.

So he still remembered kicking her ass and shoving her face into the mud all that years ago.

"Yes," she sighed and wondered if he found her pathetic.

"I don't have an issue with getting my hands dirty. The reason Erwin wanted me to join the corps is that I am good at violence. I don't mind playing this role if it helps humanity survive and I can't afford to be emotional about it."

A lump formed in her throat. She opened her mouth to oppose, but no words came to her mind.

He was right.

She nodded, suddenly feeling both sad and weak. Sad because she suspected that this was how he dedicated himself to their cause and weak because she herself was not able to carry a similar burden.

"I won't be soft on the soldiers I have to train because it might increase their chances of survival. I would kick the brat's face again and again if it meant that he could help humanity."

She noticed that the frown on his face had deepened. To her, the colour of his icy eyes seemed slightly darker.

Antonia would have loved to tell him that there was so much more to him than violence. But who was she to tell him who he was?

"I don't care how people look at me for that. If it suits them, they can think of me as a monster," her heart sank, "even in your case, I'd be able to break every single bone in your body if it was necessary to ensure your survival."

What?

Antonia blinked.

"I don't think, I'd survive if you broke every single bone in my body, Levi," she deadpanned without thinking while she tried her best to ignore her racing pulse.

He clicked his tongue in annoyance.

"But I guess, I appreciate the sentiment," she smiled weakly, "And you're right, the end really justifies the means. I have to work on my attitude."

He shrugged.

"I don't know if I'm right and I don't think you should."

Antonia looked at him in surprise, but he just nodded sideways.

"But do what you want. Let's go see the others and find out if the brat holds a grudge."

"I'm sure Eren will understand what we put him through."

"Well, he doesn't have much of a choice," Levi muttered as they came to a halt in front of the door.

Eren Yaeger seemed terrified of Levi and Antonia really could not blame him.

As they both entered the small room, the boy looked at them with wide eyes that quickly fixed themselves on his future squad leader and followed his steps until Levi had leaned against the wall opposite to the young cadet.

It was only when Levi crossed his arms and looked at him that Eren quickly averted his gaze and made an effort to look like his whole attention rested on the wet rug that he pressed against his cheek.

Poor boy.

Antonia tried to offer the boy a friendly and reassuring smile before turning to Erwin.

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

"Not a problem. We are only getting acquainted," Erwin seemed almost enthusiastic.

"I see. Nice to meet you, Eren. I'm Antonia," she forced the corners of her mouth upwards so her smile would not falter, "Hange's assistant. How are you feeling?"

If the boy found her presence in this room full of important people curious, he did not show it. Antonia thought that he probably had too much to think about, anyway.

She watched him straighten up and for a second, she was worried that he might salute. But instead, he gave her a respectful nod.

"I'm feeling alright, thank you."

She highly doubted that, but she could imagine that he did not feel comfortable enough around them to answer honestly.

But as she tried to come up with tactful way to propose a visit to the infirmary, Levi sat down next to the boy. Or rather, he let himself slump down on the cushion next to him, probably purposefully invading his personal space.

Next to her, she could hear Hange sigh. Apparently, her squad leader felt equally sorry for the boy that had just shrunken together again and looked like he would rather jump out of the window than be this close to Levi.

"So, do you resent me, Eren?"

The boy became even paler.

"No, Sir. I know you had to put up a show."

Antonia frowned when Levi shot her a glance that seemed to say: I told you so.

"Did you really have to be so brutal? You could have shown some restraint," Hange pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and unfolded it in front of his face.

With satisfaction Antonia watched Levi lean away from her, apparently disgusted by what she showed him.

"He broke a tooth!"

"I can see that. Still better than being dissected. Why would you pick that up?"

"Eren, can I look into your mouth?" Hange chose to ignore his question and kneeled down in front of the boy who obeyed her request and opened his mouth.

"Huh?"

"What is it, Hange?"

"His tooth is growing back."

"Are you sure?" Antonia crouched down beside her and stared at the boy's lower jaw. Hange was right, there was a tooth growing in front of their eyes.

Next to her, Erwin had also bowed down to look at the phenomenon. Even Miche, who had been staring out of the window up until now, decided that this was worth his attention.

"Eren, do you still have your milk teeth?" Hange asked.

"Eh, no," the boy replied anxiously.

"Fascinating," Hange said with glinting eyes, "I can't wait to start working with you, Eren."

Author's Note: We've finally reached the part of the story where I stopy trying to fill the blanks between No Regrets and The Female Titan arc from a veteran survey corps member's point of view and everything should align closer with the canon.