Labels and Jealousy

Point of View: Jade West

A/N: This one-shot is a combination of two requests; the first is from a user on A03 Jlm; who wanted labels and their impact. Boris Yeltsin. The second request is called jealousy and is a request from . His request was for Jade to help Cat cope with jealousy over her brother. The brother, in this story, has physical, not mental, issues, complete blindness, and Cerebral Palsy, to be exact. Friendship, and later romance. This one-shot will also appear in my multi-chapter Cade fic whenever I get that posted. It takes a bit for Cat to appear in this fic. Please be patient.

April 9th, 2022

The Slap

Cat Valentine

I passed my driver's test! I studied hard but doubted my abilities. Surprise, I did right on my first try. I am heading to pick up my BFF JadeWest R U, ready 2b the first 2 ride with me in my brand new 2023 Kia Stinger? a birthday present from my daddy. Sweet 16, yes, it is! HBD, to me.

Feeling Happy

My lips tingled as I read Cat's status update, which included a picture of herself holding the paper, saying passed on it, and standing in front of her new car. Damn, she's beautiful. She only posted the status two minutes ago, but there are already hundreds of comments flooding below. Let someone make a comment which will piss me the hell off and cause me to make my update. I have a lot of steam I need to blow off. This has been a week from hell for me. I almost pity the fool who pisses me off.

Anonymous commented

Dumb slut, kill yourself. Daddy's money can't buy your self-worth or self-respect.

MandyluvsBeck

Every1 hates u as if that's not obvious. u need 2 kill urself, or I will u r really ugly. Who did u f**k to pass this stupid test? Because u ain't smart enough to pass go in monopoly.

Carrie Lee Manson Commented

Your bf is only wit' you cuz u give good head, lol.

Lynda Myers commented

Aw, Gawd, California just got stupider; how could they let a ditz like u on the roads?

Malicious West commented

How does it feel 2 b the most hated bitch at H.A.? U R a joke with no talent; u r nobody, idgaf; who tells me differently? We all know u only won this contest cuz ur BFF Jade is the school's biggest whore; we ALL heard the rumors, and we ALL know it's true she spread her legs 4 Mr. Paisley, y wouldn't u win btw her sleeping ur way 2 the top and your parent's money. The rest of us had no chance. I used 2 like you, but now I lost respect 4 U.

Greg Lawrence Commented

U have no talent. Rocks are more intelligent than u; kill urself u ain't even a good F**k. Mediocre best, lol, oh, btw we're over.

Keegan Brad Commented

Show ur tits, slut. I saw the pic u sent to Greg, the one with the bunny ears and that black lacy bra. Dumb-slut, u ain't even smart enough. 2 know these things live 4eva online. Call me when your pimple boobs turn into natural breasts. Unimpressive, like your talent and I.Q.

Morgan G commented

I posted your address online; I can't wait for your ugly face 2B curb stomped; you f**king worthless. no1 likes u, no1 cares about your life. People are only friends w/ u because of your parent's money and social status in the industry; oh, and most of us want to bang your brothers; hey, Liam, call me! U R the loser Valentine. Even crazy, J is more likable than you.

Rage burns inside me as I read the abusive comments; the anger is so intense I feel myself shaking. Unable to hold myself up any longer, I sink to the ground, collapsing beside the sliding door to my walk-in closet. A soft ding lets me know more comments have poured in, but this time the hate is directed toward me. I'm not one to cry under normal circumstances, but this week has been so brutal that I can feel my throat closing.

Sticks and stones can't break me; I have tough skin and bruises to prove how much I can take from fists and baseball bats. Silently my body rocks with sobs, the tears quietly leaking down my cheeks. I would never show how much these comments and rumors affect me; I sneer and send glares which cause classmates to shiver and pee a little; I smile at my friends and tell them I am fine.

The older I get, though, the more I feel myself dying inside of myself. To most of my classmates, I would be labeled the mean girl, the bitch with no filter. The funny thing is I can't remember half of what I say to people, yet I can recall everything ever said about me. Every whispered rumor has opened the door to a world I call insecurity. Tiny bugs crawl across my skin. I know they aren't real, but I can't stop myself from scratching and slapping my arms. The words scroll across my screen as I scan each comment.

Takeajoke commented

I heard she was a terrible ride; 2 bad she looks hawt in leather, but who needs a cold sack?

Prettycounts commented

Ugh, ugly bitch like this comment if u think she'll get knocked up by the end of this year.

The comment has 10,200 likes.

Im2pretty4u commented

Fat cow, go do us all a favor; put urself to the pastor, no1 likes used.

BecksHairIsFlawless commented

Stay home gank, no1 likes u. we all know u pretend 2 b tough, but ur really a weak gank; go kill yourself; suicide is 4 da invalid; I'd commit murder b4 suicide. Hmm, maybe ill do the world a favor and kill ur skanky ass. Go take oxy, save me the murder rap.

BeyonceRulz commented

You have ya heard it wasn't just Mr. Paisley, this slut slept wit' Mr. Anthony last year and Mr. Lowe in September; no wonder she's at the top of da class. She's ridin' every teacher to the top. I heard that's why Dickers left. She gave him HIV; stay away from this whore. She'll have ya' dead b4 graduation. Taking bets. It's why Beck broke up with her.

HollywoodArtsReports commented

Do you want to hear some juicy gossip? Head over to my blog. Jade West is a liar! She told every1 her mom died from cancer...it ain't true I got the proof. She's a lying whore like her mama, and soon she'll be dead just like her mama.

Kids we've never met or interacted with have the curliest things to say; how can they listen to these rumors? Cat is the sweetest girl I have ever known. Honey and butter melted together sprinkled with sugar couldn't be sweeter. I deserve the hate; I've earned the repatriation as a cold, hardhearted gank. It's a payback fine, and I have thick skin. Even though no one ever warned me how much words could hurt. I will endure their ignorance, but Cat deserves better. I can take the darkness. It's been home to me for so long most days; I don't remember what the light feels like or looks like; the tunnel seems so long and hopeless. Cat can't take this hate. She feels every comment and lets it wound her heart. Unlike mine, she hasn't learned how to form scars and find a release for the pain.

Tracing the nails from my left hand over my right arm, I count the scars from scissors and razors, which have become my best friend. Deep ones with red x's and small ones zigzagging, never too deep but deep enough so the blood can flow free until I feel sufficiently numb enough to stop the bloodletting. The black cloud will never lift entirely, but I feel better for a while, lighter and weightless.

Willowisqueen commented

Beck's free! Time for him 2 be wit me. Hey, Jade, y don't u go cry in da bathroom and write a sad poem? You obviously need mental help, or wait, do you suck blood? Maybe some1 should warn every doctor in town. Go write all the ways your life sucks. Oh, perhaps I should quit b4 she puts a curse on me.. oh, scary, it's not even October yet. Halloween spirit wants its customs back; Jade, y don't you get on your broom and vanish 4eva?

PopualrGirlsRock commented

Hey, I saw Jade at the grove last night; a bunch of girls surrounded her just like her emo as hell; they were chanting and throwing things into a fire; I bet she sacrificed her dignity. Oh, wait, she never had any, lol.

MandyLuvsBeck

So what is Jade's favorite band? Distributed? It fits her perfectly because she obviously has a mental illness. Should we play celebrate at her funeral or goodbye so long we won't miss u at all? Taking a poll, click on my bio, lol. Let's 51/50 her!

"Jade?"

Lies, all of them, but it doesn't matter how loud I scream; no one believes me or cares. Why would they when my worth is only the value of their words? I glance at my desk, where a picture of a Cat and me from six years ago sits on top. We were smiling so wide, arms across each other's shoulders. Maybe we were ten; I am not sure I know it was taken before my mother passed away, back before I understood the power of goodbye. Inside that picture frame, we were smiling because we had never heard of shame, but now mean girls are why I change my clothes a thousand times. Cat has become a cartoon character personifying an illusion of rainbow happiness all the damn time. We're afraid and ashamed, but we have different approaches to dealing.

"Jade?" Ice coldness descends upon my arm, jolting me back; I am suddenly ripped from my trance, looking into the eyes of my twelve-year-old brother Kylian Tyler West. He's kneeling in front of me, his left arm extended. His face is pale, but his eyes are red-rimmed, given the appearance that he's been crying heavily. His fingers are the ice-cold descent I felt wrapped around my wrist. We're both trembling. I wish I had the energy to shake the truth out of him, who made him cry. Was it dad? Or the bullies at school, but I feel so depleted today.

"I knew as soon as I saw the comments, Jade. You would need me to find you."

"You saw Cat's post?"

"Sure did." Ky's lips press together as he sits in front of me, crossing his legs, hands cupped, fingers entwined. Ky's more intelligent than most high school boys. He learned the tricks of hacking a long time ago. I stopped asking long ago how he has access to a website for students of Hollywood Arts only.

"You know you aren't the labels those assholes are trying to stick on you, Jade."

"How am, not. When am I just as cruel to most of them? If I can dish out, shouldn't I be able to take it?"

"No, words have a powerful impact, Jade. Even if you say something nasty to someone else, it doesn't give that person the right to judge you or spread rumors."

"Be the bigger person, Ky. Walk away? Sounds like advice fathers who give a damn give to their sons."

"Yeah, doesn't it? Wonder where I would have heard such advice because we sure don't have a father who gives a crap about us." Ky pulls out a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey Lemonade; taking a swig, he passes the bottle to me. "You are twelve. Why are you drinking at eleven in the morning?"

"Why not? We drink when we are happy, and we drink when we are sad. Having a drink in honor of someone who has passed away to toast their life and keep their memory alive is a popular tradition observed worldwide."

"Who are we honoring? It's not mom's birthday or the anniversary of her death. Did you murder dad in his sleep last night?"

I take a long sip of the whiskey. It's bitter, not like natural lemonade. The liquid is smooth going down without making me cough or gag, but I've had much more practice drinking than Ky, who is hacking and gagging as the citrus burns his throat. It makes me smile, remembering the first time Cat tried alcohol last year. Her face had flamed as red as her hair, tears had fallen from her eyes, and she coughed so much she threw up into Tori's bushes, but afterward, she had drunk the entire bottle fallen into my lap laughing until she cried; I can still feel the warmth of her tears on my fingertips as I brushed them off, looking down at her, seeing the sparkle of her gorgeous amber hues.

Taking a deep breath, I lean back against the wall, feeling the familiar ache burning inside my chest; remembering her eyes brings back the painful reminder that night was the first time I realized I liked Cat more than a friend, but I was with Beck. She was dating Greg. Fucking loser. I never thought he deserved her or her sweetness, but she was smitten with him; his wavy brown hair and green eyes made her think about shamrocks and mint ice cream. "A football player, Jade! I'm dating the Q.B. of the Hollywood Arts Football team! Me, Cat Valentine! Oh, Jade, he's so funny; he makes me laugh like no one else ever has except you. But I can't date you, duh."

"Nobody else even comes close to this level of perfection. Greg is always checking in to see how I feel; what guy does that, Jade? None! Does Beck?" she never let me answer. Cat kept flying off a list of reasons. Why football god Greg was the perfect boyfriend. "He engages with me when we are together, puts away his phone, talks to me, and listens to me, Jade." Her hands had gripped my elbow as she jumped up and down, beaming, her cheeks a rosy blush that flowed over the bridge of her nose. "He makes eye contact and always touches my face; last night, he brought me flowers for no reason."

"Greg kisses me on the forehead. He swoops in and hugs me from behind while I'm cooking. Greg sends me funny and cute brief text messages daily to let me know he's thinking about me even when we're not together. He's romantic, taking me out on surprise dinners and buying me little presents just because he wants me to feel loved and desired."

Perfect gentleman, yup, till he got what he wanted. Lifting the bottle, I smirk, taking another long sip. "To Greg, the soon-to-be dead ex-boyfriend of Cat."

"Jade, you can't kill him! It's still illegal to murder someone!"

"Only if I get caught, little man."

"Please don't; I need you."

"Get caught wouldn't dream of it." I lean back, sighing. Depression is a monster

. It's taking my heart as prey, leaving me drowning; drinking away my sorrows isn't helping, but I can tell Ky needs to talk; it's difficult for him to open up on his own dad's reminded him real men don't share their feelings. He's slowly broken every thread of confidence mom built inside my intelligent, funny, talented little brother. Watching him vanish into a shell of his former self takes my breath away.

I can't save him. Not when I can't even save myself. Self-loathing and despair fill my veins with shame. Ky is so much wiser and stronger than I will ever be. I am his older sister, and I am supposed to be the one who provides him with answers and security. No matter how hard I try, I can never fly with him.

"I never knew he was in so much pain, Jade. He was breaking before my eyes, and I never saw it; how did I miss what was behind the smile?" I'm a little dazed by the comments, my breakup with Beck, and tipsy from the whiskey, so it's hard to follow his talk. Wrinkling my forehead, I try to figure out what he is talking about, yet I can't stop drinking.

Depression is a fucking monster.

It's taken me away from the one person who needs me.

"He was always the funny boy in class, the class clown, jumping up on the seats pretending to be a phoenix, rising from the ashes flying with the sun. I will never die; I am the resurrection and the promise of immortal life."

Lord, I can't keep up with what this boy is saying. My vision is blurry, and my head is spinning. He's pretending to be a bird, arms outstretched wide, flapping his wings. His voice drops lower as he intimates whoever he is referring to. Ky slips the bottle from my hands and takes a few more swigs, only coughing occasionally this time.

"He was never softly spoken, so I never saw he carried a pain I couldn't see

, but beneath that fantasy, Jade, he must have felt he was all alone; it's my fault. I should have seen he was faking. His heart was breaking. I never told him, Jade, he was everything to me; I was right here, and he was not alone. Why didn't I tell him?" Ky wipes his eyes, which well up with tears, taking his throat hostage to the swell of emotions. The image is slimy, visceral, and uncomfortable. I don't cry ever. Crying makes me uncomfortable. The numbness is taking effect. "I don't know…I mean...I didn't see the hidden pages underneath the fantasy he portrayed Jade." Ky sighed, wiping his nose on his sleeve gross, but I am too tired to tell him to get a damn tissue. Taking another sip, I cough but refuse to quit.

Ky's face is becoming a lovely shade of scarlet, which causes his honey-blond hair to look waxy; he's a typical Californian boy, lean and tall for his tender age with gorgeous azure eyes which could be mistaken for the surface of his precious ocean waves, which he loves to surf early mornings and late into the evenings when he's not dancing.

Ky's just started going through the voice change when he gets upset like he is. His squeaky voice drops in pitch choked up, becoming raspy and embarrassed. He always tries to cover it up by coughing or talking faster. He cannot understand. It only makes his voice squeaker higher. I feel my lips twist into a slight smile.

"It's too late now, Jade. I had the chance to act last week, and I failed him." Twisting his shoelaces into a giant messy knot, I see his fingers shaking as his eyes shift down. Gently, I place my hands over his to stop the shaking. "What are you talking about, Ky? How did you fail? Who did you fail? What happened last week?"

"I pushed him to come out, Jade."

"Pushed who?"

"Ryan."

"Ryan?"

Sitting up, I shake my head, confused; grabbing one of my scrunchies from my nightstand, I tie my raven hair into a ponytail. "Ryan Rose, your best friend?"

"Ye...ah…" Ky takes a shaky breath, trying to swallow against the tightness in his throat. "Pushed him into what?" "Coming out, we've been dating in secret for months. I love Jade more than a friend, and he swore he loved me, too. So I couldn't understand why he refused to tell anyone, but he did. We fought over it, and someone heard us. We were corned after school last week, and these boys kept calling us fags and fairy dancers...they challenged us to fight them to prove we weren't fairies. I refused...I told them I didn't need to prove to anyone who I was.. but Ryan he went ballistic. He said he wouldn't be labeled, and he wasn't a fag...he got us his ass kicked. They recorded it, Jade; it's on the internet."

"I should have checked in on him, but I was so mad at him for denying who he was; I felt he was ashamed of me."

"Oh, Ky." I move closer to my brother, who is openly crying now, tears streaming down his cheeks. Pulling him into my lap, I hold his head against my chest. Ky wraps his arms around my shoulders, his body shaking as the tears rush out in full force.

"He hung himself an hour ago, Jade. His mom just called me." Ky's words stutter, breaking up as the tears rock his body. He could no longer hold in the heartbreak, curling up into my lap in a messy heap as his grief poured out in a flood of uncontrollable tears. Short, raspy breaths overtake the control of his voice. "Ryan was always so happy, but how did I miss the cold which overtook him? I should have seen the happiness wasn't there in photographs or his lack of desire to do anything. Why did I push him so hard?"

Ky, you can't blame yourself for someone else getting lost; you'll be searching for a reason for the rest of your life. None of us can fix someone else when something breaks." "He was my best friend, Jade, the reason I fell in love with dance, my hero."

"I know."

"He felt alone."

"We all do."

"I'm broken."

"No, you feel broken, but you aren't. It's just the guilt talking."

"I was supposed to be his shelter from the rain."

"We all have rain in our lives. Sometimes the shelters can't shield us; this isn't your fault."

"How was I so blind I didn't see his agony?"

"He didn't want you to, Ky. Depression isn't something people easily share with, even the ones they are closest to. There's a lot of shame labeled within the word; it grips your heart and takes away even the sweetest of memories. Depression has become increasingly common among American teenagers; in 2017, 13% of U.S. teens ages 12 to 17, or 3.2 million, said they had experienced at least one major depressive episode in the past year, up from 8% or 2 million in 2007. During adolescence, we will go through more changes than at any other time of our lives. Nothing will stay the same – friendships, bodies, and even our brains change how we see ourselves in the world and make sense of it. For many of us, there will be times it will feel confusing, exhausting, and stormy."

"We are the first generation of teens to move through adolescence with social media firmly by our side. We must learn tough lessons about sexting, cyberbullying, and the internet's capacity to make photos – and mistakes – accessible to everyone on the planet. Everyone. Forever. Sometimes our hearts are too fragile to take the pain of these lessons; I'm sure Ryan's dad told him to be strong, to take the bullying like a grown-up. Don't cry; it only gives them power."

"How did you know?"

"Good guess, I guess."

"Dad?"

"Yeah, it's what he told me years ago; you want to dress like a man, kiss a girl like a man, be that way, Jade, then act like a man, don't cry, take it like a grown-up. Men Don't Cry."

"I'm sorry, Jade."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Ky; you aren't dad."

"I miss him, Jade. I want Ryan to be more than a memory, you know?" "Yeah, I do, Ky. He took a part of you, and you want that part back, but you can't, honey. Ryan's gone, but you can keep him alive like that beautiful bird he pretended to be, the phoenix rising from the ashes, even if it's only in your heart and memories."

"How Jade when he left me with broken wings?"

"Lean on the people who love you and remember his beautiful spirit."

"Like Samantha?"

"Oh, crap, yeah, her."

"Why did you say it like that? Oh, crap, yeah her?"

Sighing, I shift to get more comfortable, brushing away his tears. Ky moves to sit on the floor, curling his knees to his chest. "Last week, Sam and I had a major fight in the cafe."

Flashback to last week

"Cat, I am telling you Mr. Sikowitz will not accept never-land as acceptable for our play; it has to be an original world we use in our script."

"But why! Never-Land is amazing."

"It's not real, Cat."

"How do you know, Jade? Have you ever seen it?"

"No, 'cause it's not real."

"If you've never seen it, how do you know it's not real? If you don't believe Jade, you will never see it, and you don't believe, so peter pan will never show you his magical world."

"Oh, my god, Cat!"

"What! It's true, just like Santa, he will bless only good little children. Do you ever think maybe that's why you get coal every year? Santa doesn't like non-believers, and Peter Pan will only take your hand and lead you to never-land if you close your eyes and believe."

"Oh, I believe," I remember stopping dead short as we entered the cafe for lunch, seeing Samantha sitting in Beck's lap, her head buried into his chest. Rage boiled deep within my stomach. "You do? What changed your mind….oh, shit."

Cat's hand had reached out to touch my shoulder, then her eyes followed mine. "Jade, don't…" too late. I brushed her off and ran to where they were sitting, grabbing the soda from Robbie Shapiro's hands. "Hey, I was drinking that, gank!" "Yeah, now you can drink my rage." Stomping to the table where they were sitting, I flung the cup. It made a sweet swishing sound as the soda flew out and landed over Samantha's head. "Jade, what the hell!" Beck stood up, trying to prevent the liquid from getting on his jeans. Samantha was shocked; her head shook, confused as she stood beside him, hands on his shoulder, which only fed my rage.

"It's not what you think, Jade."

"So you're calling me stupid? Cause I saw you two cuddling in the middle of the damn cafe. Are you calling me crazy, bitch?" I stepped forward, arms crossed over my chest, hearing her small gasps of fear as she tried to step back, bumping into Beck, who put his hand on her back.

"No, you are not; I wouldn't dream of calling you...

"Stupid or crazy, which one?"

"Either."

"So you're calling me a liar then, 'cause I saw you with your hands all over MY boyfriend's chest! Am I lying? Did I not just see you fondling my boyfriend's chest while you sat in his lap? Tell the entire school what you claim was happening because they're all watching, cell phones in their hands. Give me one reason I shouldn't punch you into the next century!"

"No, you aren't lying. I was in Beck's lap, but it wasn't… you are such a…." I slapped Samantha so hard that the echo traveled up the metal platform where hundreds of classmates were standing with cell phones to record this confrontation. Suddenly, they all chanted, "Fight! Fight!

"Owww ."The next slap came out of nowhere. I wasn't planning to slap her again, but an unfilled burning rage poured out of me. How dare she call me anything when she was the one on my boyfriend's lap. "Jade." Cat was quickly by my side, yanking at my arm. "Stop before you get suspended."

"Jesus Christ, Jade, what the hell is wrong with you?" Beck pushed me back hard, causing Cat to lose her balance and fall backward with a yelp. "Look what you did, Beck!" Tori broke Cat's fall, grabbing her in time, but the look of fear and shock on Cat's face was enough to send me into a frenzy. "Listen to yourself!" Beck wouldn't let me get a word in before he started yelling at me. "Your demons are coming through. I hope against hope you will grow the fuck up if I love you enough, but hope is for fools; you are too damaged, and no amount of love, time, or hope can save you from your own demons."

"So what are you saying, Beck?"

I hated how my voice cracked and how small the passageway of my esophagus suddenly became. I could feel every single set of eyes on my body no matter which way I turned front, sideways, my backside. Every heartbeat felt like a struggle between life and death.

"I'm not happy, Jade, and I've matured enough since our last breakup to know when something keeps breaking. It's time to throw it away; we're too different, Jade. I can't be with someone determined to live in misery. Every mistake becomes a Shakespearean tragedy, and every girl I talk to becomes my newest way to hurt you in your twisted mind. The more you try to fight it, Jade, the more you try to hide it, the more infected, rejected, and alone you feel inside, and when you feel these things, you become a fucking viper. Vindictive and hateful, it's sickening to be around you when you let your venom spill. You can't deny it, Jade. Every day, you become a little fucked up; your poison is contiguous. I won't let myself become infected."

"Beck, how can you say those things? Jade is your girlfriend!" Cat's voice contained the shock I wish I had felt. However, I felt nothing except emptiness; ever since we got back together, I felt like I was waiting for the bottom to fall out from under me again. "You're supposed to lift her into the light. She deserves to be happy, supported, and not ridiculed in front of our entire school. Boyfriends are supposed to take away their girlfriend's pain and turn into themselves so that we won't hurt."

"Yeah, I don't want to be Jade's boyfriend anymore. You want the fucking job, Cat, go for it. I wish you luck 'cause you'll need it with someone as fucked up in the head as this bitch."

"Jade." Ky's voice brings me back to the present. "Cat's here. She's waiting outside." He extends his hand to me, helping me up. "Maybe you should clean up a little." "Sure, send her a text to tell her I'll be right out; hey, you wanna come with us to see a real recording studio?"

"Can I? Please, that would be outstanding!" "Sure, little man, go get whatever boys need when they go out."

"Cool! Thanks so much!"

Walking downstairs a few minutes later, I see the brilliant smile which has returned to my brother's face. For a few seconds, I feel a sliver of happiness. "Jade, what the hell is this!" the harshness divulges from my father's lips as he comes out of his office waving a piece of paper in his left hand. I freeze, feeling the hairs on my arms stand up. It suddenly feels much darker again, as if someone had turned off all the lights. "What the hell is what, dad? I am not a mind reader; I can't see what you have inside your hand." He advanced at me so fast I was not prepared for his hand to let go of the paper and grab my hair, yanking it so hard I felt the strands rip from my scalp. He slams me against the wall as Ky screams. The first slap takes me by surprise, stinging my cheek; a strong nasty taste of iron fills my mouth as I feel my lower lip swell.

"Don't take that sarcastic tone with me, little girl."

"Stop screaming at me! I do not know what you are talking about. Are you drunk? You are making no sense!" I dodge the next swing but slam into the hall table, which sends shooting pains through my hip. "you stupid cunt! I knew you were a mistake. I told your whore of a mother to abort you, but no, she insisted we keep your freeloading ass. The dumb bitch had no common sense, and her slut of a daughter has gotten no smarter than she did."

"So which is it, Jade? Did you get yourself knocked up, or did you get some STD? You are a worthless, disgusting tramp; you make me sick just looking at you."

My dad's voice drips in intoxicant. The look he levels at me leaves me feeling more diminutive than a shadow on the walls. I've never felt this beneath my skin as I do now. My stomach turns violently, and waves of anger swarm in my chest, causing it to tighten, but instead of lashing out, I feel like I might cry. "So, how many people have you spread your legs for? Do you even know who the father is, Jade? Or did you catch some nasty disease? Tell me you haven't slept with a woman. You've grown up since I caught you kissing that little hussy in sixth grade. Surely you know how vile a woman being with another woman is by now, don't you?" Every word drips lower in hate and vomit. He's directly in my face now. His breath reeks of bourbon. I'm paralyzed in fear and indecision. How should I respond? Should I even bother? He won't like my answer anyway, so why tell him when all it will do is bring misery to my life?

Fathers are supposed to lift their daughters, especially when they feel brittle and fragile. I glance over, see an open window, and wish I could be like the birds outside and fly away to freedom. I see a flock of them on a tree branch, chirping away and flapping their wings. They look so carefree, so happy. There are things I can never admit out loud, though; seeing the look inside his eyes only makes me wilt. I used to think there was hope that one day I would win my father's love and approval for a minute after Tori helped me get my play produced, he almost seemed proud, but now I can see he will never accept me or love me. Any hope I had was lost.

"Answer me, Jade!" Pain radiates all over my face as his fist contacts my eye. Stumbling back, I lose my balance, falling hard onto the tiles. He will never hear my voice. He doesn't care to listen to it. "Jesus, you are as hopeless as your mother; both of you are delusional, dreaming these foolish dreams of aspirations and fame. Let me tell you, Jade; it will only get you two places." He's standing over me as I try to push myself up, to no avail. I'm too weak. Grabbing my hair once again, he yanks my face to meet his. The harshness of his breath makes me gag, and my tears become brighter, burning my corneas.

"These dreams will get you hooked on drugs, living on the streets, and selling your body like a common whore, which I suppose will fit right at home to you, little miss sunshine, or they will get you dead. Either way, they will land you right out of my house. I'm done paying for a mistake I made fifteen years ago. Get the fuck out of my house, and don't come back."

Finally, he lets go; his footsteps echo against the tile. Slamming my head down, I feel the floor bang against my forehead, leaving me dizzy and nauseous. I don't get up; instead, I close my eyes, trying to regain my composer. The scent of lime and lemon tickled my nose; the floor was just cleaned; aw, how sad I'm getting blood all over his immaculate floor; I spit out a few mouthfuls of blood.

"Open your eyes, little boy, and look at the fall from grace your sister has taken. Don't make her mistake and think you are special or handsome; she is nothing, and so are you; just like your homeless tramp-aids-ridden mother, her choices caught up with her and landed her in the dirt grave right where she belongs. Do you want to be like them?"

"Make the choice, Ky. Are you going to honor your father and quit dancing? Put on your big boy pants and let go of your childhood fantasy. Real men don't prance around like fairies; nope, real men drink beer, fish, and hunt because we are the predators, never the prey. We fuck genuine women, not sluts like your mother and sister, women with class. Do you understand me, Ky? Promise me you'll quit acting like a little bitch and take up football or baseball like your brother, Andrew. He's a good boy; he listens to his daddy and doesn't do nasty things like dance around like a pansy or kiss boys."

Finally, I find the strength to push myself into a sitting position, but moving beyond that is too much in the moment. I am dizzier than ever, and opening my eyes makes me nauseous.

"No, I won't deny who I am to please you. Dance is my passion, the one thing which brings me light and gives me purpose. I don't care what labels you or anyone else tries to place on me. I am going to be the person Jesus created me to be. So what if I like boys? It doesn't make me any less than a real man; you can't shame me; I won't take your fucking blame for your self-pity, and neither will Jade. So what? You made a mistake fifteen years ago; guess what, dad? That was your fucking mistake because you didn't strap it. Jade isn't to blame for your carelessness, and neither am I. You are the worthless piece of crap, not us. Fathers are supposed to love and protect their children. You are not a father; you are a joke!"

My dad advances toward Ky, and somehow I find the strength to pull myself up, throwing myself in between them, taking the blow meant for him right in my stomach. "Daddy, no!" Five-year-old Andrew Johnathan West screams out as my body falls back into Ky's arms. He catches me, keeping me from falling, watching as our father's face changes instantly, seeing A.J. come into the foyer, rubbing his eyes up from his nap. Our father wipes the blood on his knuckles into the seams of his 1,000-dollar pants. I'm sure that somehow it will be my fault his pants are ruined. "A.J., buddy, what are you doing up? You got an hour before your equestrian lesson." "I heard voices, daddy!" A.J. lifts his arms, and dad lifts him up, wrapping his tiny legs around his waist; patting his back, A.J. lays his head on our father's shoulder. "I'm sorry the wicked children were just leaving forever. Say goodbye to nobody and nothing, A.J."

"Which one is which, daddy?"

"It doesn't matter, A.J. They are both invisible."

"Daddy, what's invisible mean?"

"It means something which you can't see."

"But I see them, daddy."

"For now, buddy, but the trash will be gone when you get back from your lesson."

My chest squeezes tighter as I watch our father walk out of the room carrying away his legacy, leaving us alone and cold; my body trembles as I wipe away my blood. "Get your shit, Ky; I guess it's official. We're no longer welcome here. I don't know what you want to do, but I won't stay somewhere. I am considered a stranger. I'd rather live on the fucking streets. I'm getting cleaned up; meet me outside."

"I'm not staying here. Are you crazy? He'll kill me!" "Than hurry, Ky, 'cause I ain't sticking around. Text Cat, and tell her we're on our way out; tell her daddy dearest stopped us."

"Okay."

Every step is painful. As I head into the bathroom to wash my face, I see the blood swirl in lumps as I spit and rinse. Anger and sadness mix tumbling down my cheeks in pools of tears. My head is pounding, making the nausea worse. The acid burns its way up my throat, gagging me and causing me to cough violently. I grip the porcine sink as the spell takes over me. For a minute, as I look into the mirror, I don't see myself. I picture my mother as the virus overtook her body, fear filling her eyes, knowing she was dying, leaving us alone with this monster.

How could you, mother? What did you expect your children to do when you left us in this world without a mother's arms to protect us, love us, or encourage us? What a self-fish thing to do, dying so you could escape his abuse and all the pain life brought you.

"I listened to you, mama. I protected myself; every time Beck and I had sex, I always ensured he used a condom." Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. "Fuck, a lot of good it did me. He cheated on me, mom. I know he did. God knows what he could have contracted from that slut and given to me."

I bent forward, pressing my palms to the sink as my body shook and heaved. It's hard to imagine a life with my mom anymore. The memories are so faded, like a light show, beautiful but hard to disguise reality from fantasy. Do I remember these memories correctly, or did I simply conger up visions of stories passed down to me? Sometimes she comes to me when I am sleeping, an image of twirling chestnut hair performing a perfect series of pirouettes calling me to take her hand, but she vanishes before I can reach for it.

Washing my face, I take out my foundation and apply it to my face. What's the point of remembering? Memories don't take away the pain or give me the answers to the questions I need to be answered, like where are we going to sleep, how are we going to eat, will go hungry until we starve to death on skid-row. Will our bodies be eaten by animals or thrown into a pile by the police and disposed of in unmarked graves? Will anyone even remember us when we are gone? Will our lives have mattered at all?

"Thanks, mom. You left us with a real shit show to call life."

Applying eye shadow, I can already see the swell forming. How will I explain this to my teachers? What will happen if they find out we are homeless? Will CPS split us up? I need to get out of here. Finishing up, I use the toilet, rewash my hands and pack away my things. Ky meets me in the hall carrying two bags. "Your school books, charger, a few clothes, toothbrush, and paste and some feminine products, pictures of your friends and you, and some of mom."

He's strangely calm. How is he so damn quiet when inside I am a mess? "Thanks, buddy; that's sweet of you to think of all that stuff, especially the unmentionables."

"Yeah, let's never mention them again, Jade. I knew you would need them at some point, and since we have no clue where we are going, it's better to be prepared. I trust you, Jade."

So that's why he is so calm. He trusts me to figure all this shit out. I am his older sister, so I am supposed to have the answers. We exit the mansion for one last time; the sun is mocking us in its beautiful, brilliant golden rays washing over the marble and stone entranceway. Cat's Kia is parked out front, rap music blasting from it. No one would ever think she listens to rap. People assume because she has bright red hair, wears colorful neon fifty-like puffy poodle skirts, and bounces around singing about rainbows and cute puppies, she must listen to the spice girls or JoJo Siwa. Cat loves all music, and rap seems to be her favorite. She loves the fast pace and seeing if she can keep up with their vocals.

No one likes to see under the surface, so they don't look past the bright hair and beautiful smile and get to know the real Cat.

I was tossing our bags into the trunk of her car. Ky climbs into the backseat as I yell seatbelt to him; he rolls his eyes and mumbles; I know I'm not dumb. Climbing into the passenger seat, I grab Cat's hoodie, which she has lying on it, and put it on, feeling a chill. "got any aspirin, Cat?" "Check the glove department. You okay?"

"No, my head is pounding. Sorry for the delay."

"No problem, I'm enjoying the freedom my new carzilla has given me."

"Oh, so you named it already?"

"Nah, still thinking. You like it, though, Jade?"

"Yeah, it's sweet, babe. Congratulations on passing told you, babe, you could do it as long as you studied."

"Yeah, you always believed in me; thanks, sweetheart." I smile for the first time in days, hearing her call me sweetheart; no one has ever called me an endearing nickname, not even Beck. Hearing Cat say the word warms my chilled soul. Her hoodie smells like vanilla cupcakes, just like her, so I bring it closer to my body, zipping it up. "Feeling sick? You're never cold unless you're coming down with something." she reaches over and places her palm against my cheek. "You feel a little warm, Jade."

"Just my luck."

She throws her arms around me, and having her hold me, de-ices something inside me. Gently, I caress her arm, taking slow, deep breaths. I feel my body break a little, but I gather what control I have left. Forcing myself to be strong today is about her, not me.

"Cat, you need to believe in yourself a little more; you are not stupid. Don't let anyone make you feel you are, ever."

"It's hard, Jade. Did you see those comments?"

"Yes, Cat. Girls are cruel. They live to spread lies, start rumors, and make someone else feel small. Cat, you are beautiful, talented, and smart. You are on track to be valedictorian of our class and top honor roll every semester. Girls are jealous of you, sweetie; if they can't measure up to you, or be friends with you, they want to tear you down. So they talk shit, label you as a slut or a rich bitch or stupid because they know to hurt you is to strip you of your confidence."

"Why, though? I did nothing to them. My parents have money, but I don't flaunt it. I don't go to school wearing the top designers or jewelry from Tiffany's. Posting about my car wasn't to make me seem like I was untouchable. They don't get it, Jade."

She tried sniffing discretely as she smiled brightly, but I saw the pain she was hiding under the smile. It's in the vacancy of delight which usually shines within her splendid amber eyes. Now they burn in a silent mist, which she tries to sniffle away. Her throat looked swollen as she stuttered, trying to speak the words in her head.

"It's the first time my dad's shown me any attention in eleven years, ever since E.J. was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy and Muscular Dystrophy; it's like ever since he lost his sight, they lost sight of the fact they have a daughter. The world's evolved around my brothers ever since I can remember. Liam, Robert, and Cian have their careers which brought in our family's money and attention, so my parents spent half my childhood traveling to support them, leaving EJ, Jericho, and me alone. Jericho had sports and friends, so it was always E.J. and I."

"When E.J. was diagnosed, their attention shifted to him. All the money went to him for medical supplies, walkers, wheelchairs, braces, medications, and therapies; they traveled worldwide to see every specialist. I've been pushed aside my entire life, Jade."

Gently, I squeeze her shoulders, feeling so much empathy and jealousy for how vulnerable she feels and how easily she allows herself to show it. Steadily the tears gallop down her cheeks, but she doesn't wipe them. She lets them flow freely. "Be patient, Cat; your brother needs a new walker, or E.J. needs braces; we can't buy you new clothes. Sure, we have the money, but baby, we don't have the time; your brother needs our full attention. You don't need new clothes to excel in school, Cat. Just smile; you can light up the world with a smile, baby. Try it. Don't feel sorry for yourself, Cat; you aren't sick. Be grateful for your health. Don't whine. We shouldn't worry aboutyou. Don't be selfish. Figure out your homework on your own, Cat. I have to make appointments for E.J. You are smart enough to do it independently."

Her heart's breaking with every word she speaks. I can feel it so clearly in every shaky pause of her breath. "All my life, I've catered to E.J., so he doesn't have to walk and weaken his muscles. I carried him on my back when we were kids. When he went blind, I learned all the ways to help him adapt. He didn't fall behind because I helped him with his schoolwork. I spent hours in hospitals trying to make him laugh instead of playing with my friends. He was sick, and I wrote songs to make him forget. When he wanted to give up, I taught him how to be strong, use the backboard in basketball, and apply power to positive reinforcement when his muscles failed. I was the one who taught E.J. not to use his disability as a disadvantage but as an advantage. When he couldn't see the other actors in the brief time he tried acting, I told him to hear their emotions and use them as expressions in his mind."

"I know, Cat. I was in that class. It was a beautiful thing to watch. You taught me how to be a better sister. Cat, you've always made E.J. feel loved and accepted; you protected him against bullies in grade school. Even when your parents made you feel invisible, you made him feel like a giant."

"Siblings are a unique bond, Cat, a voice inside our heads, a missing piece in the darkness when we feel lost; sure, we bicker and get jealous, but we never stop loving them, hearing their voices when we feel alone. Only our siblings understand the environment we come from; your parents treat you differently because you are non-disabled. So you have more freedom than most girls our age. No one understands freedom's loneliness until they've had to sacrifice their lives to achieve it."

"Guilt is hard, Cat; you feel shitty for complaining 'cause you are healthy. You are getting to grow up and experience life, but E.J. will never get to grow up; he'll die young; Cat, that's a fact, so your parents focus on giving him the world while he can still enjoy it. How can you take that away from him, right? Yet you can still resent him because he is robbing you of the joy and pain of having parents remember you exist. No one is home to nag you about your homework or remind you to go to bed early so you get enough rest for your test at school; no one asks you about your day, bakes homemade cookies, or makes sure you eat your vegetables. You don't have parents to ensure you don't throw a party, destroy the house, or drink and drive. Or take care of you when you are sick. No parents to fight with over your boyfriend, no daddy to protect you when that boy breaks your heart, and no mom to hold you when you need to cry." I take two of the aspirin and swallow them with Cat's water bottle in her holder. The pills taste nasty, like paste, as they go down my dry, aching throat.

"Sometimes I wonder if I am their daughter or just a prop they can use when it's time for a family portrait to raise money for C.P. or M.D. Smile, pretty Catarina, this is for charity."

"You are their daughter, Cat; remember I heard the stories of how happy they were from my mother, who was there when you were born, April 9th, 2006, the day of the unicorn? In Visalia, California, at twelve-nineteen in the morning, the oldest of the Valentine Triplets. Next came Robert Gale Valentine, followed by Cian Evan Valentine. The boys couldn't stop screaming and failing their bodies like they were being electrocuted, but you stretched out your arms, smiled, and looked right into your daddy's eyes, yawned, and settled into his arms; my mom said your mom called you a star in the middle of a storm, calm and beautiful."

"I was a baby hopelessly naïve, Jade."

"Your parents love you. I remember sleepovers at your house growing up, the endless laughter as your mom baked apple pie, beautiful music, Liam on the flute, Robert on drums, Cian on guitar, you on the piano, your dad teaching E.J. how to dance with crutches, you sang like an angel your Nona had the camcorder she never knew how to use but beamed in pride as she watched all of you. Some days, the past seems so far away, honey, but I still feel your mother's love as she watches you belt out those Celine Dion songs and all the Broadway classics she taught us. She taught us pitch control, projection, and connection with an audience. She showed us how to carry ourselves with pride and dignity."

"Don't you remember the song he wrote for you on your 13th birthday?"

"Don't you dare, Jade!" I smile and bounce in my seat, rapping the song he sang to her at her 13th birthday party, which caused her to hide under my skirt in embarrassment. I am not a rapper, but I try to hear the Hamilton music in my head as I rap at her, watching her cheeks blaze.

"Lil, red my pride

My joy, naïve and innocent

Child of the night

Tough as nails, sweeter than candy corn

Unique and adventurous, unafraid to be herself

No words can adequately describe a daddy's pride

Watching his daughter learn and grow and discover her identity.

I so adored and so loved

.

Oh, so beautiful, little miss, divine.

I know one day you'll be on your own, winning academy awards.

You are taking these growing years as battle scars when you feel run-of-the-mill.

Remember, my little girl; daddy can't walk on water; the world isn't sugar and spice.

But rainbows will come after every storm if you open your heart to see the beauty after the rain.

A room full of silence

You will never be satisfied without applause. Be careful with that ambition, love.

You can build palaces out of aspirations and burn bridges faster than you build genuine friendships.

You have a fire-set desire for the sun.

Your life will be led on the edge of your seat, a bit of dance, a bit of flame, a lot of love and exhaustion; the world has no right to tear apart your heart. Don't give in to greed. You have one job in this life.

Be happy

Don't let them change who you are, my little star.

"I hate you, Jade." Cat blushes deeply, burying her head in between her hands. "Yeah, well, I love you, Cat."

Rolling her eyes, Cat mumbles a death threat as she drives out of the driveway. I don't glance back at the house I will never walk into again. Instead, I turn forward and watch Cat, focused on driving safely. "Kids our age, Cat, they are blinded by the I.G. feeds; they see summer trips to the Hamptons, Fiji, new kicks, money on the counter for gasoline, and doordash whenever you want it, empty houses for endless parties, mom and daddy's money can buy you anything material. They don't see the hell you go through or the loneliness which fills your soul when the lights go down, and everyone else goes home. So they make you the villain in their stories because no one cries for the villain."

"Jade's right, Cat. Kids are scared by what they don't understand, so they lash out because making someone else feel pain makes them feel powerful. Don't let labels define who you are inside or take away your pride or dignity. They are yours only, and only you get to decide who is worthy of owing them."

"Little man is right, Cat. You are beautiful, smart, and funny don't let them ruin your mood. Today is your day, honey, your sweet 16th. You passed your driver's test on the first try. Very few kids accomplish this, babe. Be proud."

She smiles at me and raises her fist, so I can pound it. "I haven't seen my dad so happy in a long time, Jade. We talked for the first time today in months. I know he feels guilty for letting Bobby, Liam, and Cian drop out to tour the world; he feels like they are missing out on a normal childhood by becoming famous so young. E.J. got the M.D. genes from him and mom. Dad feels like he failed him, but with me, he feels like he did something right, so I couldn't tell him how I felt."

Her voice is soft as she speaks, eyes steady as she turns onto the busy road. She was carrying a pain no one else could see besides me. I feel her loneliness, anger, and guilt all seeping through, mixed with rejection, because her parents are always so devoted to her brothers.

"How did you get so wise, Ky?"

My brother looks out the window, his eyes lifted to the heavens. "I watched while they stripped a phoenix's wings. I wished he would have told me how he was feeling, but he hid it all with a beautiful smile trapped inside a desire to change, flooded with hate by our peers; he hid his halo. He was so handsome, had the world at his hands."

Cat looks at me, concerned by the rhymes my brother is speaking in. I send her a look that tells her we will talk later. I wonder silently when it became customary for parents to throw away their children; talking to us, even for a minute, could save our lives.

Did Ryan's parents forget to tell him he was their entire world?

Did Ryan's parents make him feel like he wasn't a real man, and did they forget he was just a little boy who needed their arms to protect

and love him?

Depression is a monster. It captured Cat's heart when we were thirteen, and it hasn't let go; it's left my heart cold and numb since I was eleven, and now it's stopped Ryan's heart from beating at twelve years old; how did it become acceptable in society for a twelve-year-old to choose death over the laughter, love, and light of life? Did his peers in school shame him into denying his sexuality or confuse him into thinking acceptance mattered more than his life?

Why does Andrew qualify as the son dad accepts, and when did my mother's past become my future in my dad's eyes? Dad ripped away every picture and burned every reminder of her, but she's more than a memory, she's a part of me, and I can't erase her presence in my heart.

"I'm so damn tired, Cat."

"I know; I can see it in your eyes. Do you want to have a sleepover tonight?"

"Would you mind?"

"No, I would like it; it's been a long."

"Mind if Ky joins us?

"Course not."

She doesn't know my day, but she rubs my back. She pulls me into a bear hug, crushing yet refreshing. When we get to the studio, we get into the elevator. The hallway is a vivid reminder of all the artists who have come before us, legends in their times, some past, and many currents. Gold Records line the hallway with framed autographed photographs.

We enter the studio, which is crowded with industry personnel. In the center of the activity is Cat's mother, Roisin Valentine. One glance at her, and there's no mistake she is Cat's mother. Slender with an athletic build, she glows in radiance flowing through the sea of people with smiles and flicks of her wrist as she signs papers and approves ideas. Mid-back flaming red hair whips around as she spins and falls nicely over her shoulders; her emerald eyes sparkle as she laughs at someone's jokes.

"Catarina!" she calls out happily as she spots us walking in. Cat grabs my hand, gripping it. "Mom, hey. Sorry, we're late." "Oh, that's no problem, sweetie. Come meet my crew." We walk over to where she's huddled with a team of industry people. She introduces us to them one by one.

"Kenneth Dylan, my producer; Maya Andrews, the president of the Parents Fight Muscular Dystrophy Foundation; and Michael Williams, President of the Parents Against CP. Everyone, please meet my beautiful daughter Catarina Jamie Valentine. She wrote the song which I will be recording. Her school held a contest, and out of 1,500 students, The Grammy Committee selected her song to be featured at this year's opening ceremony." Everyone shakes Cat's hand, congratulating her. I watch her as she beams. "Her best friend since birth, Jalvi Deirdre West, and her younger brother Kylian Tyler West."

I cringe at the usage of my full name, one no one outside of my family and the Valentines has heard ever; she never notices how I hate the way she insists on saying my name; ever since my mother died, she's refused to call me Jade the nickname my mom gave me when I was two.

Heading to the couch, we sink into the softness. I look up as I hear a soft whirl and see E.J. come into the room from the recording booth. "Is that Jade's voice?" "Sure is, buddy." He wheels himself over and fist pounds me; Ky jumps in and bumps his fist against his. "Yo, Ky, my man, didn't know you were coming. Thanks, man, this is such an exceptional day!"

"Yeah, wouldn't miss it, E.J."

"Mom, did you tell Cat!"

"Not yet, honey. They just arrived."

"Tell me what, mom?" Taking a sip of water, Cat leans back, resting her body against my shoulder. "Well, I was thinking about everything which has happened lately with Jericho, and the family's taken a hit with our reputation. Lava got a lukewarm reception at the Grammy ceremony. People are tainted by the image of what Jericho did; they can't separate his actions from Liam, Robert, and Cian. So I thought if we could turn the public's eyes away from yesterday's headlines and make them see something positive, they would get their fanbase back."

"Yeah, mom's making your song an anthem for the C.P. and M.D. charities. How cool is this? I get to sing on the track, Cat! We get to be recording buddies!"

"No!"

Cat stands up so fast her hair whips me right in the face, my lip strings. I remain silent thought sensing this isn't the time or place. "This may be a genius idea to you, but not to me! I wrote this song to express my feelings about always being left behind for my brothers; I am sick of being in their fucking shadows! I will not let you turn my pain into some happy-ass charity fundraising bullshit. It's not about E.J.; for once, it's about me!"

"Grow up, Catarina; stop being a stubborn, immature child; you are fifteen years old. Don't be so damn selfish all the time. Your brother is sick, and your other brothers have their careers hanging by a lifeline because your other brother has a mental illness. It's their time to show the world how to raise awareness and acceptance. I can't believe how spoiled and heartless you are being."

"I can't believe you called me selfish, mother. After all, I have sacrificed for this family. You are so wrapped up in your precious family image you're using one son for sympathy and the others to relieve your failed career. It seems you forgot, mother; I am not a child anymore. I am sixteen, not fifteen."

"Did you forget your medication this morning, Cat? You are delusional."

"No, mother, I took my damn medication for the anxiety and depression you've caused me to have my entire teenage years. Today is my birthday since you can't seem bothered to remember, although I'm sure you sent the boys a wonderful happy birthday package. Did mine get lost in the mail? Or did you not care enough to send one?"

"Cat..I.."

"Oh, no worries, mother. You forgot because your sons needed you the most. I am sorry for not being sorry this time, but I will not release the rights to my song to be used for some stupid charity PSA. I will contact the H.A. lawyers and make sure they know you will never have access. Try to steal it, mom. I will have the school sue your ass for everything you are worth. I know I wrote an excellent song, and I have the vocals to turn it into a smash hit, so do not test me, mother."

Cat storms out, sniffling; Ky and I pursue her outside. She stops and sits on the stone bench, so I pull her into a hug as Ky dances along the curb, giving us privacy. "You are not selfish, baby girl. Living in the shadows of someone else, especially a sick child, is hard. I'm listening to you."

"I'm not okay, Jade."

"I know."

"I love you so much, Cat. In any way I can help, I'm here to listen. Please know I will never forget you. I get you feel angry, sickened, sad, and scared, and seeing you in pain hurts me cause I love you so much. Sometimes talking help."

"My heart just yearns for you… I know I can't say, please don't cry, be strong, or

stop yourself from searching for a reason. Just know I love you so much, even if I don't have the answers you need."

"I'm sick of talking. Can we just get out of here? Go to dinner somewhere expensive? I'll use my dad's card, have mother explain why."

"Sure, Cat, it's your birthday, whatever you want, sweetie."

As we head to her car, I smile, seeing the delivery boy arrive with the flowers I had ordered for her two days ago; good timing, buddy, I think to myself. As I motion to her, hoping he sees. "Cat Valentine?" "That's me!" "delivery for you, happy, sweet 16th sign here, please."

She signs for the delivery, and her eyes light up in wonder. "Who sent these? Wow, they are gorgeous! Look at them, Jade! Tulips, Roses, Carnations, Ivies, Lilacs!" I tip the boy by passing a twenty to Ky under Cat's back, and he slides it into the boy's hand; the delivery boy tips his hat at us; he smiles and turns around to head back to his van.

Handing me the flowers, Cat takes the card out of the bouquet. Instantly I sneeze. Did I mention I hate flowers? Cause I do, but seeing her light up and jump up on the balls of her feet squealing makes it all worth it.

"Sweet 16th, the best things in life are the people we love, the places we've been, and the memories we have made along the way. Thank you for being my beautiful, radiant ball of never-ending sunshine; you've never tried to change who I am; this is my birthday wish for you, Catarina Jamie, comfort on strenuous days, smiles when sadness intrudes above the rainbows, unicorns to fly above the rain clouds. Laughter to kiss your beautiful lips, sunsets to warn your tender heart, hugs when your spirits slack, beauty in your eyes to see yourself through my eyes, friendship to brighten your entire being. Your heart is my forever home, so when yours feels empty, borrow mine, and see yourself through every beat of my heart; let my beating show your confidence and wipe away every doubt, fear, sadness, and tear by offering you the courage to know yourself patience and acceptance because you are unique, a robust young woman, with a beautiful spirit. Never stop dancing in the rain, singing with the wind, and celebrating the gorgeous unicorn you are becoming. There aren't enough ways to say I love you and appreciate you. Forever and always every day with every breath I draw-Happy 16th Birthday, Cat.

Love Jade

"Jade, thank you so much! I have no words."

I'm not sure if my exhaustion kept me rooted to the concrete or if even what happened next is accurate; as tired as I am, I may have dreamed Cat took my hand, handing the flowers to Ky, and pulling me close, resting my hands on her hips. Chest to chest, we stand, our breaths hitting each other, faces vanilla meets cinnamon coffee. Her breasts brush against my nipples, causing a reaction and sending shivers racing across my spine.

Her manicured orange nails glitter under the sun, rainbows with dancing dapping unicorns; she lifts herself onto the balls of her feet, bringing her lips to meet mine. My emotions get caught in my lungs, and my chest screams for air in white, sheering agony. For the first time, I am unsure how to proceed. Although diminishing, the warmth of Cat's breath is anticipated and lovingly accepted. Dropping my arms over her shoulders, I sink into her arms, and our lips move softly, glossy and minty I never knew heaven could taste like a heart attack, but if it's my time to die, I would willingly go this way every time.

Cat's kissing me! Every day for over a year, I have dreamed of this moment. Now her lips are gliding across mine, and her hands push me back until my back lands against the wall. Not one kiss. Nope. She comes up for air, smiles, lets out a perfect little whimper, and dives back into my lips. She's everywhere up my back and over my arms, and suddenly she's kissing me harder, more profound, with an urgent emotional need I've never known. Kissing me for the second time until I had a taste and realized I'd never have enough.

She tastes like heaven.