Soundwave recalled Laserbeak from the ventilation ducts as fast as he could. There were some things bots were not meant to see. The bird-like symbiote rejoined him and integrated with his chest as he was walking Optimus Prime back to the brig. An unwanted posse accompanied him: Breakdown and Knock Out, a still-complaining Shockwave, and the traitorous Steve, who was still mooning over Optimus Prime.
An all-Decepticon comm pinged in Soundwave's inbox, a message from Megatron. Soundwave opened it with caution.
Decepticons, Primus has once more given me divine knowledge. All pending spark surgeries are canceled and no longer mandatory. - Megatron. Ohhh right there, yes, more.
"Uh, does it get weird at the end for anyone else?" Breakdown asked.
"I think he was using a text-to-speech function," murmured Knock Out.
Soundwave silently agreed. He supposed Starscream had connived to have the message sent as soon as possible, knowing that Megatron would be too proud to go back on his word later. What Starscream was doing at the time that made him so convincing, Soundwave preferred not to think about.
"So, you have achieved the outcome you desired," Optimus Prime said. "I am glad. And now I hope you will uphold your end of the bargain and let my Autobots go free."
"Well, of course we're grateful," Knock Out said, "but personally I'm not keen on fighting another million years of the war . . ."
"You have my word that the Autobots will not attack you unprovoked. I was hoping, in fact, to propose that Megatron and I have official peace talks. But as you know, we were . . . interrupted."
They all ruminated on that for a minute. Except Steve, who chirped, "Of course we'll let you go! Right, Breakdown?"
Now this was too much. Looking to Breakdown for permission? Breakdown wasn't even an officer!
Soundwave played a voice clip from Megatron: "I lead the Decepticons. I decide where they go and what they do. You would do well not to forget it."
"Wow!" Steve exclaimed. "Soundwave is staging a coup!"
"Steve," Breakdown sighed, "no."
"I believe the intended interpretation is that the original speaker, Megatron, is still our leader, not the bot parroting him," Shockwave said. "The confusion is understandable given the nature of Soundwave's idiosyncrasy, which, incidentally, reduces the efficiency of communication by–"
Soundwave whirled on his heel, plating bristling, and gave Shockwave a stare. Did he want to challenge Soundwave? Did he? Bring it.
After a moment Shockwave glanced away, breaking eye contact. "Well, the numbers fluctuate by the hour. Nevertheless, with Megatron and Starscream indisposed, Soundwave is the highest ranked bot on the Nemesis."
They had reached the brig. Soundwave couldn't wait to throw Optimus Prime into it. What a pity he didn't have an excuse to lock up everyone else. It would make his job so much easier.
"Optimus!" Once again all of Team Prime rushed to the bars at their leader's return.
"What happened?" Ratchet demanded. "How did it go?"
"It was . . . interesting," Optimus said. He stepped willingly into the cell, where his Autobots crowded around him. He stooped to pick up the three humans, setting them on his shoulder plating. "Unfortunately there are certain things I am not at liberty to disclose. I gave my word to keep certain secrets in exchange for our freedom." His optics turned to Soundwave. "Unless that deal is no longer binding.
He was talking about Megatron's spark-placement, of course. Soundwave hesitated. Aside from mere embarrassment, it would be dangerous for Lord Megatron if every Autobot knew where his spark was housed.
"You have to understand, Prime," Knock Out jumped in, "that if Megatron doesn't give his explicit permission, then he's likely to just go after you again once he discovers you've been let go."
"Wait a minute," Arcee said. "Who was this agreement with if not Megatron?"
"It's complicated," Ratchet said. He was eyeing the Decepticons with annoyance. "Where's Starscream snuck off to? He was quick to agree to a peace treaty and he's your Second-in-Command. Let us go, like you agreed to, and let him deal with Megatron."
"He . . . he already is," Breakdown mumbled.
"That is not what I would refer to as 'dealing' with Megatron," Shockwave said. "The proper term is interf–"
"Say!" Knock Out said brightly (and loudly), cutting Shockwave off. "Why don't I just call Megatron? Right now?" Even Breakdown looked like he thought that was a bad idea, which it obviously was. But nevertheless Knock Out recklessly tapped at the buttons on the brig's comm station.
"My liege? Just a quick little question. Optimus Prime and his merry band of Autobots–and their human pets. We were just wondering what we should do with them. Should we let them go, or–"
"Unnngh! Ahhhh!" Megatron's voice was unmistakable, even over the frantic clanging. "Yes, yes!"
"Oh," Knock Out said faintly. "So, are we talking about an armistice—?"
"YEEEEEES!"
Soundwave reached over and ended the call, since Knock Out appeared to be frozen.
Smokescreen cleared his throat. "Uhhh, was Megatron–?"
"Please do not ask," Optimus said.
Soundwave came to a decision. A little willful misinterpretation of his lord's words was worth it to have the Autobots off the ship.
"Autobots: may go."
Everyone stared at him.
"Was that . . . was that your real voice?" Knock Out said, awed.
"War: over." Soundwave pointed a spindly finger at Optimus Prime. "Do not restart."
"Hey," Bulkhead said, "if anyone is likely to start shooting again it's you guys!"
Optimus held up a hand to forestall him and the rest of the Autobots. "Soundwave, we will have no reason to attack you if you do not harm us or the people of Earth."
"Or anyone else in the galaxy!" Miko Nakadai said.
"Or in the universe," added Raf Esquivel.
Optimus continued, "I hope this may usher in a new era of peace."
Soundwave nodded, already moving to unlock the brig. Get them off the ship. Get them off the ship. Get them off the ship.
They were going home, and the war was over. Raf didn't really understand why, but he wasn't going to complain about it. Currently the Decepticons were walking them back to the space bridge.
"So this is weird, right?" Jack said. He was sitting on Optimus' shoulder next to Raf and Miko.
"The 'Cons must have known that we'd break out sooner or later," Miko blustered. She side-eyed an Eradicon who was keeping pace, his optical visor fixed on Optimus. "What are you looking at, you grape-flavored 'Con?"
"There is no need for alarm," Optimus said. "That is Steve, my date."
The kids looked at each other.
"Maybe that means something different in Cybertronian," Jack said.
"Your what?" Ratchet threw his arms in the air.
"Nope," Miko said. "I don't think so."
The Optimus Prime Fan Club gathered around their Autobot idol as Soundwave flipped switches and typed coordinates, warming up the space bridge.
Breakdown didn't really get them. Nice guys, real hard workers, but they'd been Optimus' enemy, like, yesterday. Now they were tearful over his departure. Especially Steve.
"We'll meet again, Optimus! Love will find a way!"
"Oh Primus," Breakdown muttered.
"What's the matter?" Knock Out said with a smirk. "Doesn't your spark ache for their loss?"
"In a week they'll be back to being the Starscream Fan Club."
"Hmm, I don't know. He might have less appeal now that he and Megatron are more 'official.'" Knock Out tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Besides, they might not last a week."
That got Breakdown's attention. "Why not? What's wrong with them?"
"What's wrong, my big beautiful bruiser, is that they're wearing very prominent Optimus Prime stickers while serving on a Decepticon vessel. Soundwave is already annoyed with them and I shudder to think how Megatron will react."
"But, I mean . . . Megatron wanted to frag Optimus."
"So?" Knock Out shrugged. "He's always made exceptions for himself."
Breakdown had to admit that was true. He stared worriedly at the genericons. Steve was currently smooching Optimus' hand.
"If only there was somewhere else they could go . . ." Knock Out tapped his chin thoughtfully. "It would have to have energon for them to drink, of course, and warriors to protect them and a medic to perform maintenance–"
"What if they joined the Autobots?" The idea was so daring that Breakdown could barely believe the words had come out of his mouth. But Knock Out lit up.
"Now that's an idea! They'd be thrilled, wouldn't they? And safe, which is so important. Why don't you go over there and put the idea in their processors, Breakdown? They listen to you."
"When you're right, you're right, Doc."
Breakdown hurried away and began addressing the Optimus Prime Fan Club. Soon they were nodding eagerly. Optimus Prime was nodding too.
Knock Out let his gaze drift across the other Autobots. Some were stone-faced, others confused. Smokescreen seemed enthusiastic.
And Ratchet was glaring at Knock Out from across the room, looking absolutely sour.
Knock Out smiled with the ease of a medic who would not be doing annual check-ups on a bunch of spark-afts.
"Hey Doc," Breakdown said, poking his head out of the backroom, "what kind of flavoring do you want in your drink, triple-distilled mercury or gold shavings?"
Knock Out stretched his arms up over his head before letting them dangle over the arms of the chair he was lounging in. "What I want tripled is the alcohol content. As for the rest, I leave it up to you, my handsome artiste." Knock Out blew him a kiss.
"Aw, Doc." Breakdown gave a goofy grin and withdrew.
Knock Out relaxed into his chair again. After such a busy day, he'd put on a grainy video of a human street race to unwind. He'd seen this one before, but there was a spin-out halfway through that he always enjoyed.
The door-alert chimed, but the bot outside didn't wait for an invitation before opening it.
Knock Out raised an optic ridge as Starscream slunk in, back hunched and wings low. He did not so much sit in the guest chair as melt into it. His hands pressed to his face, hiding his expression.
Breakdown, just entering with a tray of drinks, gave Knock Out a questioning look; Knock Out took a glass from him and shrugged. They waited in silence, watching their guest.
Finally, in a tone of deepest despair, Starscream spoke:
"I liked it."
Knock Out sighed and pushed a glass into Starscream's hand.
"There, there, Starscream." What else was there to say? "There, there."
~The End~