Though Claudine isn't trapped in isolation like Hikari was, it may be even more painful for her in a way to hav lost her radiance while still being around her friends and classmates, and having nothing else about her normal life altered...
Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.
Chapter 4. Breaking Point
In the days that follow, Claudine shows no signs of regaining even a single sparkle of the radiance she once had. When she's able to be alone with her friends who know of her condition, they all offer their advice and give her reminders to help improve her performance.
Claudine tries her hardest, grateful for their support, in spite of the fact that she knows she isn't getting any better, even after several days have passed.
When she's made to perform in front of her other classmates and her instructors, however, it's even worse. Whether it's rehearsing scenes for the play, or even just simple routines during their dance classes, people are baffled by how average and lackluster her techniques are. She's perfectly fine in her lecture classes, but when it comes to theatre, it's as though she's a different person entirely.
And it isn't as though Maya or any of her friends can tell their classmates and teachers what really happened to her. The excuse everyone else turns to is the reminder that Claudine had fainted during practice a few days prior and hasn't been the same since.
There are whispers in the back of the crowds that she might have suffered some sort of stroke that has affected her physically, or perhaps brought upon a psychological case of stage fright that causes her to panic and forget everything the moment she is expected to perform in front of an audience. The nurse calls her in several times, but can find nothing out of the ordinary.
And while those who know nothing of the giraffe's stage satisfy their confusion with logical explanations and latch onto rumors, the nine girls who know the truth have no choice but to play along.
After several days with no improvements on Claudine's part, their fellow classmates begin approaching Nana and Junna to ask about potentially recasting Snow White, or considering to use the understudy for the performance, which is only a few weeks away. Both of them politely deny the requests, insisting they give Claudine a bit more time to recover and try to get her bearings back.
But as the days pass by, and Claudine has to continuously ask for her lines, or delivers emotionless phrases without any expression, the sense of unease around the school grows heavier and heavier.
Maya can tell their classmates are fearful about whatever had caused this in the school's second-ranked student. The Saijou Claudine so many people had admired and looked up to was suddenly putting on rehearsal sessions that were below average, with abilities so poor that such a person never should have been accepted into Seishou in the first place.
The teachers are perplexed, and several phone calls are made to Claudine's parents in France as well to inform them of their daughter's sudden change.
Overall, the days are troubling for everyone. But not more so than for those directly involved.
Maya adamantly keeps her promise in doing all that she possibly can in order to help Claudine, as do the rest of their friends.
In the mornings, Karen greets Claudine with a jubilant smile and helps her make different expressions.
As they walk to school, Futaba and Kaoruko go over the script and her lines with her to help her memorize them again.
During lunch, Mahiru or Hikari will quiz her on her lines from earlier in the morning and help her get through them.
In their dance and signing lessons, Nana and Junna go over pitch and tone with her.
And throughout all of it, Maya steps in whenever she can, be it assisting Claudine with her lines, or guiding her through a dance, or offering her praises when she remembers how to do even the simplest of acting nuances.
And by nightfall, Maya spends her evenings curled in bed with Claudine, telling her what a wonderful job she did that day until Claudine falls asleep.
But in spite of all their efforts, still the days go by, and still nothing changes. The very second Claudine is told they're starting rehearsal of a scene, her expressions are all wrong and don't match what she's saying, and her tone drops into a monotonous pitch.
Whenever they have dance classes, her body doesn't move like it should. She forgets the steps to her numbers, the words to her songs, and the grace in her movements. Her classmates and instructors watch with forced smiles, and Claudine finishes just about every dance or scene with an apology.
Frustrating doesn't even begin to describe what she's feeling. It's so far beyond that, so bitter and angry and scared, dreading that she isn't improving, that she might never be back to where she used to be, or even close to it. It's as though she loses all control of her body the moment she is expected to perform, like someone else is pulling the strings in all the wrong directions.
Claudine fights it with everything she's got. Every waking moment she fights whatever it is that's messing with her soul - this thing that's robbing her of who she is. Oftentimes, she becomes so consumed in trying to combat it that it only adds to her confusion and has her suffering even more blunders.
It's maddening. It's miserable. It's terrifying.
She can't do anything anymore.
Not the things she wants to do most in the world. Not the things that matter the most to her.
And with each day that passes, she slips farther and farther away from the person she used to be.
Even though her friends are doing all they can to support her, their words of encouragement are beginning to sound hollow and meaningless to her ears.
A week goes by, and she doesn't get any better. If anything, she probably gets even worse.
Nothing works. Nothing.
Not the support of her teachers, nor the help of her friends, nor the confidence she knew she once had in her own abilities.
Not even Tendo Maya - the main source of her motivation - seems to be able to help her now.
Even though she's trying so hard…
Claudine knows she is.
Every morning, Maya wakes beside her and smiles gently.
Every afternoon, Maya stays by her side through every class and practice, supporting her in every way possible.
Every evening, Maya sits with her and shares her dessert.
And every night, Maya wipes Claudine's tears away until she falls asleep.
Claudine knows Maya is truly doing all she can for her.
But still, in spite of how much time and energy everyone is expending for her sake, Claudine never has any favorable results to show them.
Each morning, she clings onto another thread of hope that today might be the day this nightmare ends and her radiance is returned to her.
And every night, that thread snaps, and another piece of her breaks away into the darkness.
A week has gone by since Claudine had been struck by the Korosu.
Maya has been sparing no expense in her efforts to help her partner regain her confidence and her shine. She goes over her lines with her every day, prompts her with the words, indicates her own tone to hint to Claudine what she should do for hers. She helps her stretch, takes the lead in their dances, and covers her mistakes in their songs.
And at first, Claudine would snap at her and tell Maya that she doesn't need her help. But recently, Claudine has lost that spark, and has resorted to hanging her head and murmuring apologies instead.
Maya stays late with her in the dance studio every day after classes, just like they always would. With everyone else gone, she'd hoped Claudine might be able to dance and perform when it was only the two of them, and she didn't feel as though she had an audience to impress.
But it's never any different. Claudine still struggles with her movements and her flexibility, with her figure and her expression. Even though she pushes herself to the point of collapse every single time. And Maya is only ever close enough to catch her half the time.
Maya's heart sinks lower every day as she watches her deteriorate into a shadow of her former self.
Even after eight days, and then nine, Claudine doesn't get any better. Their friends are beginning to lose their hopeful smiles, and in exchange harsh rumors are beginning to spread around the school.
Maya and the others do all they can to silence these, but they know Claudine is already aware of them.
On the tenth day, after yet another awkward and unforgiving rehearsal session, Maya requests that Nana and the others leave them alone a bit sooner this afternoon. The other seven give Maya worried looks, but do as she requests.
Once all of their classmates have gone from the building, Maya joins Claudine in the dance studio. She'd been practicing on her own when Maya had been away, and by now her track suit is ruffled all over, and sweat is beading across her forehead and all down her neck. Maya hastily grabs a bottle of water and goes to meet her.
"Saijou-san. Please rest for a moment."
Claudine hunches forward, hands on her knees as she breathes heavily.
"I don't need to-" she huffs. "I need to keep trying-"
"And you will," Maya says gently. "I've no doubt about that. But you can continue once you've had something to drink."
She can tell Claudine knows she'll never get better if she doesn't take care of her health, though at this point Claudine may have resigned herself to the knowledge that she might never get better anyway. But nonetheless she accepts the water and drinks. Maya keeps an arm on her back and helps her straighten up.
She waits a moment until Claudine is ready to continue.
"Let's do that one from earlier."
Maya dips her head.
"As you wish."
Maya takes her left hand and positions her own on Claudine's waist, then smoothly pulls her into the flow of the dance. Maya only does a small portion of it, then pauses.
"There. Now you take the lead."
Grimacing, Claudine does all she can. But Maya can tell that the second she's offered to do it herself, Claudine can't figure out how to move properly. Her steps are hesitant and her body is stiff. Their shoes collide several times, and their knees knock together as their weight shifts awkwardly. Even with Maya doing her absolute best to compensate, it's clear to her that Claudine is painfully aware of all of her blunders. Just doing such a small part of the routine leaves her breathless and shaking.
"S-Sorry…" Claudine wheezes. She sounds nothing like her old self. Maya's heart throbs with pain.
"There is no need to apologize."
"Let me try it again."
"Of course."
But just like for the past ten days, the results are the same, no matter how many times Claudine tries.
It's sloppy. Laughable. Pathetic.
Such are the words Maya knows other people might use if they knew nothing of the circumstances.
But for her, she knows Claudine is putting every shred of effort into all of it, no matter how clumsy it may be in the end. Claudine's soul is on fire with the amount of effort she is - and has been - putting in for two and a half weeks now.
It's just that now, it's finally gotten to the point where it's started to burn her.
Although Maya longs to encourage her to keep trying, she can tell it's getting worrisome, perhaps even dangerous. Even after just a short while of dancing, she feels Claudine shaking all over. She's sweating and panting for breath after doing what seems like so little. It's just that, as Claudine is now, even that tiny bit requires everything she has.
Maya has no choice but to take control of the dance from her and bring them to a gentle halt. Claudine grunts, sending a weak glare up at her.
"Why did you… I'm not finished yet."
"Saijou-san."
"Let me do it… just once more."
Maya is torn. Who is she to deny her the effort of trying again, when it was Maya herself who promised she would help her? When it was Maya who ensured she would be the mark that Claudine strove for? When Maya herself refused to give up no matter what tried to stand in her way?
She can't bring herself to tell Claudine no to this.
And she'll regret it.
Claudine tries again, for what must be the thousandth time this past week, to get her rhythm back. She takes the lead, and Maya follows, murmuring bits of advice all the while.
"That's quite good," she lies. "Now perhaps a bit of a lean to the left here-"
Claudine knows. She knows Maya is only offering false praises to try and make her feel better. A hot sting forms behind her eyes.
"You're lying."
She tries. She tries. She keeps trying to move her body the right way, but it just won't.
"No-" Maya says meekly. "Claudine, I-"
Whatever she'd been about to say never comes.
All at once, Claudine's body gives out on her. Her knees buckle, and she loses her grip on Maya. With a gasp of sheer agony, she crashes to her knees. This time, Maya is too stunned to react quickly enough to catch her.
"Claudine-!"
She drops down beside her instantly, curling an arm around her back and rubbing gently.
But she can tell this isn't like the other times. In the days before, Claudine might stumble or fall after pushing herself too hard, but she'd always push herself right back up.
But this time it's different.
She's suddenly so pale, her pallor almost bone-white. Sweat is coating her face and making her hair stick to her forehead and neck. Her whole body is shaking, and her heart is slamming violently enough for Maya to feel it. She can't catch her breath, and her face twists into an expression of nauseating pain just before she retches bile onto the floor.
Maya cries out, folding both arms around her as tears spring up into her eyes. The sounds Claudine makes as she chokes and struggles for breath are enough to have Maya sobbing along with her.
"Claudine… Claudine…"
Maya pulls her away and gathers her into her arms. Claudine breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably.
She'd tried. She'd tried.
Harder than anyone else.
Harder than even her past self had tried.
Maya knows this all too well. Claudine had pushed herself far beyond her limits days ago, and not Maya nor anyone else had stepped in to stop her.
Because they'd believed she could do it. They'd wanted to believe she could overcome this.
Song, dance, theatre… They are Claudine's lifeblood, perhaps more so than they were anyone else's.
It's who she is. It's her very soul.
So to have lost it - not to a fellow Stage Girl - but to a faceless monster…
She may as well have lost herself.
It was almost as though 'Saijou Claudine' no longer existed at all. All that was left now was a girl no one would recognize.
Maya weeps as she holds her close, trying to shield her from the harsh reality of what she had become.
"It's all right-" she whispers. "It's all right-"
But it's a lie, and they both know it.
A/N: We all know Claudine is prone to pushing herself way too hard to test her limits. But this is the first time she has to do so and can't produce the results or progress she wants, and her body can't physically handle it...
Please review!