AN: Miles is finally realizing that having two aliens focused on him might not be the fun thing he had imagined it to be. He did not sign up to get psychoanalyzed by two beings who don't want to deal with their own problems, thank you very much. He prefers to live in blissful ignorance just like they do. So this is slowly hinting at the 'serious' part of crack treated seriously. As funny as this concept is, obviously two aliens coming off of a big civil war are going to have issues and might cling to something they otherwise would not. As for Miles, he's like... in his later 20s/30s and lives on his own and has his own reasons for that that will be touched on more as well.
As a complete aside, because I don't really have anyone to discuss this stuff with besides any lovely reader who gets this far, do you think Transformers have something like muscle memory and/or reflexes? Something so routine that they've normalized it to a subroutine or something their processor barely has to react to? This question has nothing to do with this story, but another idea I've been having with a Sam-turned-mech type thing.
Miles looked up from his phone when the bedroom door slammed open. He was unsurprised to see an irate looking Barricade in the doorway, mainly because the only other alien who would slam their way into his room currently had her head resting on his thigh. She had been like that for the last hour without moving at all in a clear invitation for Miles to sit there and stroke along her smooth metal.
Her little tiff with Barricade had obviously left her feeling a little unsure about things, even though they'd somehow come to the conclusion to share him. Miles didn't bother to ask why because he knew she wouldn't tell him, but almost as soon as he had left the pair in the kitchen to continue talking things out she had followed him. And he'd left pretty much as soon as they started talking about sharing him, because it was way too early for him to be dealing with talk like that.
"Why are you getting rid of them?!" Barricade demanded.
It took Miles' brain a second to process just what the issue was. He had just texted a colleague who may be interested in fostering the three puppies and it was the only thing he thought Barricade could mean. Miles glanced down at the phone in his hand and then a little further down at Ravage, who had obviously been paying more attention than he had assumed given her eyes were open and she wasn't even trying to pretend like she had been sleeping.
"Way to tattle," Miles mumbled under his breath and Ravage flicked an ear in his direction.
Their new united stance might prove to be a bit of a problem, but Miles would have to figure out what to do about that later on.
"I'm not getting rid of them, I'm finding someone to foster them." Miles explained, "I could handle these first two feedings fine, but most nights I do need to sleep and I work throughout the day enough that I can't always stop to do something like this. It would get defaulted to a vet tech, or something."
"I can feed them," Barricade offered instantly.
Miles was beginning to realize this might be an issue, "That's nice of you, but the sooner we can find them a proper foster or someone to adopt them, the better. I might even be able to find a mama dog to take them in."
"But I want them!" Barricade growled.
Actually growled. Miles was pretty sure that human throats couldn't make that sort of noise, but given Barricade was just masquerading as a human he figured he could make whatever noises he wanted. Even with the growl, he was honestly impressed by how good at mimicking a human Barricade was.
"You want to keep them?" Miles repeated, knowing he sounded a bit dumb but unable to help it. "Why?"
"They can be part of our family," Barricade said it as if that should explain everything.
Miles wasn't brave enough to touch the our portion of that just yet, "Do you know what dogs are? They're not like yo–"
"Yes, I know they're not as intelligent as us!" Barricade snapped impatiently. "That hardly matters! Humans have been making them family for centuries. You're a vet, you should know this."
"I do," Miles assured. "I love dogs. They can make great family members. But these ones are young enough that they'll need constant attention, and then when they get older they'll need to be trained properly and introduced to things appropriately to make sure they won't be scared of things. I work enough that it wouldn't be fair to them even when they grow up."
"It's fine as long as I do the majority of it, though, right?" Barricade pressed.
Miles sighed, "Yes, but it won't be fine whenever you and Ravage leave. They won't understand why someone they care about is gone. And then I'd still be sidled with taking care of them."
That got him two matching dirty looks.
"What makes you think I'd leave?" Barricade glared, "Do you plan to make me?"
Ravage didn't say anything out loud, but she did move one of her paws and dig her claws into the meat of his thigh which was all she really needed to do.
"No," Miles denied immediately. "I would never! For some crazy reason I've enjoyed having you both here so far, but I know this isn't permanent. You and Ravage will eventually figure out what you want to do and where you want to go and then you'll leave. I figured like a year or so at max before you got tired of me."
Barricade and Ravage looked at each other and Miles just knew they were doing that weird mental talk they could do. It was the first and only time he was actually bothered by it, but that was because up until then Ravage had made it a point not to communicate with Barricade in that way.
"Do you have abandonment issues, Miles?" Barricade asked finally.
Miles flushed, "Excuse me?!"
"Do you have abandon–"
"I heard you just fine the first time," Miles interrupted. "I just didn't expect such a stupid response. Fine, if you're that desperate, you can keep the damn things!"
Ravage gave him a disappointed look that told him his attempt at deflection and faux ignorance hadn't worked the way he had wanted to. But whatever he could take he would, because like hell was he about to be psychoanalyzed by a pair of alien robots.
"But I still have to take them in for dewormer," Miles added in a desperate attempt to not look like he was trying to avoid the subject.
Miles got to the clinic and parked in his usual spot. He spent a couple of minutes just staring out of the windshield, mind still going a thousand miles an hour from all the things that had happened at ass o'clock in the morning. Barely awake and two aliens fought over him and then came to the conclusion to share him, and then a couple of hours later one asked if he had abandonment issues. He was willing to deal with a lot, but even he was approaching his threshold.
He took a moment to collect himself and then got out of his truck and grabbed the box of puppies from the backseat. He walked in the front door and immediately spotted Jessica, the receptionist he had hired two years ago and who had been managing his schedule ever since.
"Good morning, Miles!" Jessica greeted him with a grin. Her eyes widened a bit and she stood up and leaned over her desk, "Awe, who is this lil' cutie?!"
"These are—" Miles stopped himself when he realized she had asked only after a singular object.
There were three obvious puppies in the box in his arms, but Jessica's gaze was aimed a bit lower and farther back. Miles instantly had a sinking feeling and tried to muster all the patience he could, but—
"M'Bartholomew!" a tiny voice piped up from behind him, "Uncle Miles is lettin' me stay with him while my mama's sick!"
He turned his head to see that there was a little boy standing behind him. 'Bartholomew' looked no older than six, with one of his front teeth missing, big blue eyes, and shaggy blonde hair that came down to his chin. He looked like an adorable little boy but Miles knew this was Barricade. Either Barricade had somehow found a picture of him when he was a kid or he had just figured it out with some program, because he looked strikingly similar to what Miles knew he had looked like at that age.
"Chemotherapy," Miles lied. "So I'll have him for a wee bit while she recovers."
"Uncle Miles is so cool!" Barricade wrapped his arms around Miles' leg. "He's gonna let me help take care of the puppies!"
Miles made a mental note to figure out how to strangle a giant alien robot. But Jessica didn't know about weird alien robots and their ability to make holo thingies, so she took a child that looked like Miles and said he was related to Miles and bought it.
Jessica let out a sound that Miles had never heard from her before, "Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry to hear that! I'm Jessica and I've been friends with your uncle for a while now. I know Miles will make sure you have lots of fun!"
"That's the plan," Miles lied. "Figured I'd take him in exam room A and let him try out weighing the puppies."
So Miles reached down and put a hand on Barricade's shoulder and gently urged him in front of him and towards the first exam room. It was his first time touching the holo whatever it was and the thing felt pretty realistic, even the hair that occasionally brushed his hand while Barricade walked. Once they were in the room and the door was shut, Miles turned to glare at Barricade.
"Did you really have to pretend to be my nephew?" Miles groaned. He set the box of puppies down on the floor, "I don't actually have a sister, so now anyone who I've known for more than two seconds is going to be confused! And why did you make yourself look so much like me? And Bartholomew of all things?"
"I was going to pretend to be your son, but I assumed any coworkers would know you didn't have one." Barricade immediately bent over the box and stuck a hand in, stroking the side of one of the puppies. "And Bartholomew fits the theme, doesn't it? Ravage was Cleopawtra."
"Sure, because that's what I was worried about!" Miles rolled his eyes, "Why did you follow me, anyway? And better yet, how? I didn't see your…" and here he faltered, "...actual body? Behind me at all?"
"My holoform can travel up to fifty miles from my body," Barricade explained with a pleased grin. "And I just put myself in the box with the puppies at first. You never noticed a fourth."
"Okay," Miles was close to giving up. "But why did you follow me?"
"Ravage and I didn't think it was good to leave you alone while you were upset," Barricade gave him an innocent look.
Miles knew the two of them getting along was going to bite him in the ass.