Author's
Note: I would like to thank everyone who has reviewed so far! You guys are the best!
Confusion: I you are confused as to the timeline
of events in this fic, please look at the explanation/timeline attached (last
chapter
Disclaimer: I own none of the Gundam Wing characters or any information from the show used
in this fic. The ideas though are
my own.
This is an HY/RP
story.
Please review!
Enjoy!
"____" Denotes outer dialog (conversation)
'______' Denotes inner dialog (thoughts)
Somewhere in
Between
~Phoenixstar
Salt
to the Wound
~~~
"You're thinking of the way you should've held my hand
And all the times you said you didn't understand
You never had our love written in your plans…"
~~~
Dead, she was far
better off dead. No, that
wasn't right. He wanted her
alive, but still, in his eyes, if she was dead he could remember Relena, as she
was when they had been together instead of how… How she was lying on the
floor cradling Trowa in her arms. If she were dead he could remember her being in love with him, and most
of all he could blame himself for letting her walk away and not being the one
there to protect her. She was
alive; yes, she was alive. The
problem was she was with Trowa!
Heero sat back and
picked up another pencil, flinging at across the room, his face twisted with
anger. On impact, it shattered
into splinters of wood, falling to the floor joining the rest of the
morning's target practice. Then his face would go back to calm, eyes staring into space, seeing the
previous night run over and over in his head. Her scream, Zechs' shot, and Trowa…
"No…" It was too much to take.
Another pencil
bounced off the wall, landing somewhere in the foliage of the plants in the
corner. He was torturing himself,
and he didn't know how much longer he could keep it up. He needed to talk to somebody, he
needed to vent, and he needed to tell someone before he went insane or ran out
of pencils; both of which looked imminent, but... Damnit, what kind of perverse joke was this? First dead,
then... Then…
"Argh," a
stapler hit the wall, springing open, letting the small metal pieces shower to
the ground. Life was getting
harder and harder everyday, and fate was getting crueller by the minute.
She ran straight for
Trowa though, no second thoughts, and to him, this fact was unavoidable. He wouldn't, no he
couldn't, confront them. If
she was happy then who was he to stand in the way? Yes, who what he? Heero Yuy, idiot of the century,
that's who. It was his fault. Yes, he was very much to blame. He didn't treat her the way she
needed him to; that was obvious. He had let her go and broken her heart; that was common knowledge. He had avoided her for months; that was
necessary. He had overlooked
Relena and Trowa; that was unforgivable. He should have
known. His job was to know things, so why didn't
he? Why was he so surprised when
he saw that yesterday? Why did it
hurt so much?
No, this was not
happening. He wouldn't let
it. This wouldn't kill him. He left her, and she left him in
turn. It was over. 'Over.'
"Over,"
he almost screamed. The finality
in his voiced scared him, because only now, he realised exactly how much he
regretted it. Sure, he had missed
her, but this, this was the end, she had moved on. Dead, dead, dead…
~~~
She hated hospitals,
she always had. They were too
sterile, too cold, and too empty. What she hated more though, was the fact that he was here because of
her. First the bomb now this, it
was spiralling down and she had no control. All she could do was try to hold out her hand to the passers
by and hope they would save her, grab onto her before she hit the bottom, but
the current of this river was too strong and unpredictable and the shores
seemed to far out. She was going
down, and now she was pulling people with her.
"Relena?" She
raised her head, watching as Trowa tried to prop himself up on his elbows. Wincing in pain he decided just to sit
up against the pillows. He looked
worried, and he was not supposed to be worried about her. She was supposed to be worried for him; that's the way
these things were supposed to be. He was hurt and it was her fault.
"What are you
thinking about?" She sat up straight, trying to press her skirt with her
hands. She managed a feeble smile.
"Nothing
really."
Trowa continued to
watch her.
"You looked
pretty deep in thought there, but I guess not." She nodded and got up, trying to distract both herself and
him by fixing the bedspread and the pillows.
"Relena
I'm fine," and when she didn't stop,
"Really." She looked
at him with pained eyes for a minute before sitting back down in the chair she
had positioned beside his bed. "Did you get any sleep last night?"
"Yes, some." 'You're such
a little liar Relena, and you know it. You didn't get any sleep.' "Yes, I got some while you were still
in surgery." She tried to
smile reassuringly. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine. How are you feeling?" She pointed towards his shoulder, which
looked twice its normal size, bandaged under the hospital outfit. He noticed her change in topic.
"It's sore,
but that's to be expected. It'll be better soon. I've been through worse." She nodded.
'See Relena,
he's fine. He used to pilot
a gundam, he's had far worse injuries than this. It's Heero you should be worried
about.' 'Heero is Heero; he'll be fine.' 'You saw him walk
away.' 'He's walked away before.' 'Yes, but you walked away from him too.' 'That's
not fair.' 'Life isn't fair, you know that better than most
people…'
"Relena?"
Trowa's voice broke through her inner conversation. "Do me a favour and go home and
get some sleep. I'll be fine
here, don't worry." She looked up with him, her eyes pleading with him. She did not need to be alone now; it
left her too much time to think, and right now, she had made far to many mistakes than she cared
to think about. No, she was quite
fine where she was sleep or no sleep. "Relena, please. You need some sleep; you can come back and
visit later. I'm not going
anywhere even if I wanted to."
"I just
don't want to leave you here by your…"
"Relena,
please." His voice was hard,
and she knew it was useless to argue. Standing up she ran her fingers through her knotted hair.
"I'll see
you… Later then… " He nodded and watched as she walked slowly
to the door, where she stopped hesitantly. "Yes, I'll see you later," he heard her
mumble before she was gone. He
shook his head; he didn't understand her at all, and not for lack of
trying. She trusted him; that much
was obvious, but she kept pushing herself to him and then pushing him away again,
and that was confusing.
He sat up, wincing as
pain shot through his shoulder, an unpleasant reminder of Zechs'
welcome. One minute he's
talking to Relena, then the alarm went off, and then Zechs came in and shot
him.
'This has been
a week from hell,' he concluded. Making a point to ask Relena what had happened when she came back, he
drifted off into semi-consciousness, the product of the heavy painkillers and
remnants of the anaesthetic.
~~~
"Coming!"
Duo screamed over his shoulder towards the door, trying to turn the tap of with
wet slippery fingers. The person
at the door was just about as stubborn as the tap would be closing. "Just hang on a minute!" he
yelled, his fingers finally stopping the water flow. Wiping his hands off on his shirt, his walked towards
the door. 'Some
people…'
"Heero?"
he said in absolute shock at seeing his best friends standing at his front
door. More amazing was the fact
that Heero's eyes were red and puffy, and even though he tried to hide it
with indiscrete itching of the eyes, Duo guessed he had been crying too,
although, knowing Heero he could probably put it down to no sleep. Duo moved aside instantly, and without
speaking Heero stepped by him, and into Duo's small makeshift apartment.
Duo showed him into the kitchen, as close to a living room as he had, and
motioned for Heero to sit, which he did wordlessly. Duo was about to offer
Heero a drink, when he thought the better of it. Whatever the guy was going through, alcohol would not help,
so instead he pulled out a glass and started pouring some water. Setting it down on the table, he
started sipping at his own glass, waiting for Heero to talk.
The two sat in
silence for some time, Duo watching Heero intently, and Heero occasionally
looking up at Duo, opening his mouth, like a fish out of water, and then
closing it again and looking back down into his glass, which after several
hours was still relatively untouched. Duo's rolled his glass on the table from on hand to the other, starting
to become really uncomfortable in the silence.
"You plan on
staying?" Heero shook his
head. Duo decided enough was
enough. "Heero, what
happened?"
"I found
her," even though Duo had been expecting this, the way Heero was acting
completely caught him off-guard. Shouldn't he be happy? "Did Trowa leave soon after I did?" Duo could only shake his head no.
"What
happened?"
"Nothing
important."
"Like hell it
isn't Heero. I don't
want to have to ask you again. What happened?"
"I said
nothing!" Heero yelled back.
'At least
he's making eye contact,' Duo noted. "So why did you come over?"
"I felt like
it," Heero said, looking back into his cup. Duo stared in wonder, he had never seen a glass of water
hold someone's interest like that.
"You could lose
a personality contest to a rock, you know that right?"
"Hn."
'Maybe I should
have given him the alcohol, he might have at least said something more than 7
words long at a time.' Then he shook his head; no he wouldn't force
Heero to say anything he didn't want to; even if not knowing was going to
drive him insane. Duo's
thoughts of torturing Heero into talking were cut short when the phone rang.
"Hello? …
Yes, he's here… No, he didn't say so… Yes, I'll ask him…
Tomorrow…" And he hung the phone back up on the cradle. "Heero, why did you really come
here?"
"I felt like
it…" Duo felt like
screaming. It was like extracting
the truth from a small stubborn child, which in many ways Heero still was, but
Duo's temper only lasted so long, at least with Heero.
"Really."
"Lady Une asked
me to tell you some things." Duo didn't know if he was more hurt by the thought that Heero
wouldn't have shown up by himself or that he wouldn't tell him his
real reason right off; but Duo knew Heero better than that. Knowing Heero, he would have a good
reason. Duo motioned for him to
continue. "I found
her."
"I think you
said that before, and?"
"She's
alive."
"Yeah, I
guessed as much… And that's why Lady Une sent you?"
"She
called?"
"You are sure
quick to catch on to things today."
"Hn."
"Yes, for your
information that was Lady Une on the phone. Anything else you are supposed to tell me?" Seeing the look on Heero's face,
"Other than her being found and alive."
"Zechs was
there," Heero said swirling the water round the glass, ignoring the
droops that sloshed out onto the table.
'Surprise
surprise.' "Where is there?"
"Zechs'
and Noin's house." Duo
whistled his surprised.
"He's
sure going to regret that one." Heero shook his head, somehow he didn't agree. He would have done that for Relena, but
would have was
a thing of the past and it was her brother that she ran to not him.
"Yes, well there's
a meeting tomorrow, everyone's going to be there. Lady Une wants us there. She's quite… Overwhelmed by
all this I think." Duo
cringed mentally, knowing that overwhelmed was completely the wrong word to use
for Lady Une and the temper she was known to have on occasion. "Anyways," Heero said
setting the still full glass on the table, "I'd best be going I
think." Duo thought to himself
and tried to give a none to suspicious invitation for Heero to stay
longer. To be honest, Heero looked
terrible, black shadows clouding around his eyes; which in their own had now
faded until they served only to filter the colours of the world to black and
white. At least that's what
Duo saw; Heero would have disagreed, his eyes saw far too well for his
liking.
"Heero would
you…" but Heero was gone, and although he was not surprised, Duo
felt disheartened, in the way that only a friend convinced of their failure
can.
Heero went back to
his apartment after he left Duo's. Looking at his watch, he knew he had walked slowly, but he remembered
nothing of it. His apartment smelt
of the stale air that collects after even just a few day away. Blindly he walked from room to room
pushing all the windows up, not caring that the air wafting in was just as
undesirable as that inside, being filled with the sick heaviness of hot tar and
exhaust. Life in the city makes
one oblivious to this though, much as it had with Heero. If he had a T.V. that worked Heero
might have turned it on and watched one of the low budget soap operas and talk
shows sporting other 'couples' with problems, or if he taken the
time to collect books he might have poured over the great classic story of the
immortal heroes and heroines of fiction; but he had neither. So, he lay down on the couch, not
bothering to change out of his coat or travel clothes, humming to himself a
tune he had never been able to place. Soon he had drifted off into a light sleep, clutching his jacket around
himself as the night breeze turned cold. If Relena had been able to see this sight, she might have looked away
with eyes brimmed with tears of pain, but she was tossing and turning in her
own bed, unaware that her discomfort was equalled.
~~~
If the day had
started off odd, it had only gotten more so. When he had first opened his eyes, painfully aware of the
tight feeling in his chest, and the itchy hospital clothing rubbing against his
skin, Trowa had been greeted by the tired face of Noin. As surprised as he had been to see her
sitting by his bed keeping a silent vigil, he could not understand her next
actions. She had stood paced round
his bed several times, which caused Trowa to feel rather uncomfortable. When she did stop, she stood at the
foot of his bed, looking him up and down with narrowed eyes,
"You're
feeling better." She had not
waited for his affirmation though. He had felt better, although looking in the mirror now he didn't
know how on earth she had seen that. Well, after that she had thrown some clothes, approximately his size,
though not belonging to him, at him, turned and left the room, leaving Trowa,
mind still hazy with sleep to wonder what was going on. After some reluctance and discomfort
Trowa had gotten dressed and washed as best was possible in the tiny bathroom
adjoined his room. His shoulder
was still tender, and he guessed it would be for some time still to come, but
he had experienced things far more painful than this before. While he was checking the room for
anything of his (the thought never occurred to him that in the rush to bring
him there or the few people that had come to visit him no personal effects of
his were there to be left behind) Zechs appeared at the door. He stepped in but made no move to sit. Trowa had been shocked at the way the
darkness around his eyes and his pale skin had contrasted with the light of his
hair.
"You shot
me." Seeing the flash of
something in the older mans eyes Trowa knew that it had not been on purpose. Even if it had, by way of his
temperament or his current physical condition would not have tried to grind
salt on the wound.
"I didn't
mean to." Trowa nodded,
though slightly baffled as to why he was there. "I meant to shoot Heero."
~~~
There had been
many empty houses in the past, and there were likely to be many in the
future. This was the way of real
estate. This fact alone though,
never prepares one for having an empty home. When Heero had pushed open the heavy front door, and stuck
his head round the edge of it he had felt rather than saw that it was
empty. Apart from the usual
clutter, which had vanished, or at least her share of it, the hallway looked
just as it always had. Closing the
door behind him, he set on a further look. The kitchen looked the same, dishes neatly packed away into
the dishwasher or respective cupboards, fridge bare, table piled with mail that
needed to have been looked at; no, there was no visible difference here. The
same was true of every other room too, quiet and organised, pictures here,
books there. Every room expect the
bedroom. That was empty, of
everything hers. Not like when it was clean, because then, when he opened the
closet her stuff would be there. Now it wasn't. No,
the house felt empty, as it would for some time.
~~~
"Fine mess this
is," Sally muttered wearily from the chair across from the desk. Wufei nodded his agreement. "I don't get what's
happening anymore. Chaos
that's what; complete chaos." She picked her coffee cup up off the table and cradled it between her
hands. "So tell me one more
time."
"We are meeting because Relena was found; alive,"
Wufei flipped the page on his desk, and Sally watched, and repeated in what
could have been mistaken as awe or disappointment. "By Heero. She was with Zechs, Noin and Trowa, who is
coming to the meeting later from hospital." Sally nodded again. "That's all I know."
"That's
all?"
"Why? You expect me to know more? We seem to have been behind on the
times all along, what more do you expect now?" Sally noted the irritation in his voice and chose her words
carefully.
"I just thought
that maybe, you know, Lady Une knew anything else?"
"Not that she
told me. Apparently Heero was
rather, incoherent when she talked to him last. He'll be there today, then maybe we'll know
more." He closed one folder
and opened another, not paying any attention to Sally, who was sitting back,
eyes glazed over in thought. "They should all be here by ten," he added and she looked at
the clock; two hours. She sat back for a while, and Wufei, in his tired
irritable state was thinking he was going to get some work done, when she
opened her mouth again, but he quickly interrupted, "I am not going to say it again."
"I was actually
going to ask if you wanted anything to drink?"
"No."
"Fine,
I'll be back in a bit. Maybe
when I get back you can tell me again?" She winked and was out the door in a flash. Wufei rolled his eyes, and leaned back
in his chair, glad for some time to himself. With all that had been happening, he was falling
behind. Now to get something
done…
"Don't
even think about it. Turn around
go get your coffee and let me be. We'll find out later, I…"
"Wufei,
man. You okay?"
"Duo! You're not Sally!" Duo's eyebrows furrowed together
and he looked down at his body and then back up at Wufei's face.
"Ugh, you
noticed too." Wufei dropped
his head in his hands. "Can
I, er, come in?"
"As long as you
don't start asking questions. Shut up and you can stay." Duo shook his head and was about to protest when he saw Wufei was in no
mood to be argued with. So, he sat
down in the chair Sally had been in before and watched the clock awaiting the
arrival of Noin, Zechs, Trowa and Relena, much like a chess player awaits a
great opponent.
