Episode 10 [Season Finale]
"I AM A MAN! *punch*
Ranma and Kenma Hit the Road"
Rob Paulsen as Ranma/Pam Segall as Ranko
Brigitta Dau (episode 1 flashback only) & Pat Musick as Flashback Ranko/Sarah Strange as Flashback Ranma
Jess Harnell as Kenma Saotome
Rick Jones as Flashback Kenma (episode 1 flashback only)
Mike Dobson & Scott Menville as Flashback Kenma (other episode flashbacks)
Grey DeLisle as Akane
Myriam Sirois as Akane (flashback)
Francesca Smith as Ryunosuke
Greg Burson as Genma
Erik von Detten as Ryoga
Michael Donovan as Ryoga & Tour Guide (flashback)
Susan Egan as Nabiki
Hynden Walch as Kasumi
Travis Willingham as Tatewaki Kuno
Ted Cole as Tatewaki Kuno (flashback)
Olivia Hack as Kodachi Kuno
Justin Shenkarow as Daisuke
Andy Lawrence as Hiroshi
James Sie as Soun Tendo
David Kaye as Flashback Soun (episode 1 flashback only)
Danica McKellar as Ukyo Kuonji
Richard Ian Cox as InuYasha
Kira Tozer as Kagome Higurashi
Liliana Mumy as Lum
and
Jason Spisak as Ataru Moroboshi
BARAKA-THOOOOM!
This morning in Nerima, it was raining heavily, thunder & lightning included, and Kenma awoke with a thin layer of facial hair around his mouth. This was mostly attributed to the fact he hadn't shaved yesterday. Not since Shampoo had taken her leave on that fateful night, bounding off into the dark, seemingly never to return.
After that, things returned to what passed for normal around town...except for him. Apart from doing the schoolwork, and trading a few words with Ryno, Hiroshi, Daisuke, and Ranma whenever he got the chance, he didn't acknowledge much else.
When Kuno came traipsing about the schoolyard like a Roadrunner on cocaine, Kenma just put his foot out and tripped him, sending the big windbag falling right on his face. Apart from that, he mostly went through the motions that day. But when he came back to the Dojo, he waited until he saw Ranma, Akane, and Nabiki returning.
"Hey, Nabiki?" he asked the brown-haired girl.
"Yeah?" she inquired.
"I was wondering, would you wanna go out today?" he spoke up. "Y'know...like a date."
Now it was Nabiki's turn to be shocked. This guy was here, asking out the girl known to the student body as 'The Ice Queen of Furinkan High'.
"Oh, your first date!" Kasumi beamed while she was mixing a bowl of something. "This is wonderful!"
"What's with the sudden romantic act?" asked Akane, raising a brow. "You'd better not be planning something!"
Kenma gave her a dismissive glance. "It's just a date. Can't a guy take the girl he likes out for some fun?" he asked with a shrugging gesture.
Akane just shot him an "I'm-watching-you" gesture before she ascended the stairs.
Kenma just rolled his eyes before he put his shoes away and was about to go upstairs, when Nabiki stopped him.
"Kenma..." she started. "...I thought about it, and I guess I can go out with you."
The redheaded boy looked back at her and gave a small smile. "Great. Name the time, and any place you might wanna go that's in town." he replied as he went up the stairs.
Once he got to the top, he found himself staring up at a glaring Genma. The big creep had his arms crossed and his brow furrowed.
Faaaan-fucking-tastic, Kenma thought to himself. Ah, well...not like I needed another excuse to beat the crap out of him, anyway. I have so many listed already...but what the hell, it's a long list as it is.
"So, old man, what's got your dander up this time?" he asked. "Someone put too much starch in your underwear when they did your laundry?"
"That's not the point!" Genma bellowed. "You're a martial artist! You don't have time for such frivolous pasttimes like dates!"
"...certainly you can't be serious," Kenma said, giving the rotund martial artist the chance to take back what he just said.
"Of COURSE I can!" Genma spat. "Your first priority is to forwarding your skill in the Saotome Style and in all fighting techniques!"
"But going on a date is the best way to get to know a girl," Kenma explained. "It allows for something genuine to grow between the both of us."
"Stuff and nonsense, boy!" Genma remarked. "You are engaged! You and your betrothed will learn to love one another!"
"It's that sort of brilliant thinking that got Ranma stuck with Akane, y'know," Kenma stated. "And, I'll wager, got Mom stuck with you. Besides, you happen to be forgetting one very crucial detail."
"And that is...?" inquired Genma, leaning downward to hear his other son.
"...I! AM! A! TEENAGER!" shouted Kenma, nearly bursting Genma's earddrums and sending him flying backwards. "I'd like to do normal teenager things: hang out with my friends, go on a date with a girl, get into hi-jinks that DON'T revolve around some martial-arts gobbledygook, and maybe NOT have to deal with people trying to kill me or my brother."
"You sound just like a—" Genma began his typical shpiel as he got to his feet, but he was cut off by the feeling of Kenma's left hand wrapping its fingers around his neck and surprisingly hoisting his fat body into the air.
"Care to finish that sentence?" he asked. "Go ahead, finish your thought. Give me another excuse. PLEASE."
Genma's only response were a couple of wheezing sounds, followed by gagging noises. With very little effort, Kenma casually tossed the man aside like he was an empty soda can, while heading back to the room he and Ranma shared.
"Here's the long-and-short of it: I'm going on that date, we're gonna have fun, and nobody's going to stop me," the redheaded boy explained. "Especially not YOU."
And he slammed the door shut, leaving Genma to lie on his side.
"So aggressive..." he groaned. "Not to mention ungrateful...!"
"Well, what's the deal?" asked Ranma.
"Whaddyou mean?" Kenma appealed as he got his wallet & some casual clothes, which he put on his sleeping bag.
"You've never gone out on a date before," stated Ranma. "So why now?"
"I at least owe Nabiki that much," Kenma explained. "Figured we could go out and have a pleasant time just once before we leave."
"Ohhhh," Ranma vocalized, understanding to the best of his ability. "I don't really understand that date stuff, but I do wish you all the best."
"Thank you, Ranma," Kenma smiled. "At least there's one member of my family I can count on."
Ranma playfully rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah...save the mushy stuff for your date, okay?" he replied.
"You got it," Kenma replied as he got his date clothes, then went to go take a shower. Whistling as he went, he cheerfully punted Wilbur out a nearby window, the little sausage squealing all the way.
A few minutes later, Kenma came back downstairs, fully dressed in a red throwback cap, a button-up shirt, khaki pants, and red hi-top sneakers. As he got his shoelaces tied, he couldn't help looking around.
I wonder if Nabiki is still up for this, he thought. I hope she didn't decide to back out at the last minute. Maybe I was a little too sudden with asking her out...
Just then, he overheard footsteps coming from the hallway. Getting up and brushing himself off, he saw Nabiki descending the stairs; she was dressed in an orange crop-top and a pair of blue jeans.
Kenma could feel his heart pounding like a drumroll. "Nabiki...you look stunning," he spoke.
"What, this old thing?" the brunette replied. "It's just something I wear for casual outings."
"Still, can't deny it looks good on ya!" Kenma grinned.
"Thanks, hon," Nabiki grinned. "In fact...get a load of yourself, eh? Don't you clean up nice."
"It's the most casual thing I've worn, but I didn't want to look TOO casual," Kenma stated. "Anyway, we'd better get this date on the road."
"My thoughts exactly," Nabiki agreed as she clasped her hand to Kenma's, and they strolled out the door. Seconds later, Soun and Genma came downstairs after overhearing this.
"I must admit, Saotome, Kenma is very proactive," Soun commented.
"You can't be serious, Tendo!" Genma exclaimed. "He's a martial artist! He doesn't have time for dating!"
"So are you suggesting that my daughter marry someone she doesn't even have a connection to?!" growled Soun.
"N-no, no, Tendo!" Genma protested. "I'm just saying that a martial artist has many enemies, and it could put Nabiki in danger!"
"Well, when you put it like that, it makes sense!" Soun retorted.
"Oh, don't be ridiculous," Kasumi stated from nearby. "Can't you just let them have this time to themselves?"
But Soun and Genma were already caught up in their plans for eavesdropping on their children's date.
"Don't leave me out of this!" Akane called out as she joined the discussion, while Wilbur sat by with a tape recorder around his neck. It would be a simple manner of finding the Kuno household and making sure they listened to it, and then they would all be off on a chase.
And so, the date began, with Kenma and Nabiki going out to a restaurant for food. Genma, Akane, and Soun all snuck along, each of them in very obvious disguises as they observed from their table.
Kenma ordered two ravioli dishes for the both of them, as well as a couple of root beers; the waiter nodded and walked off after accepting the orders, while other people were beginning to get weirded out by the chuckleheads in trenchcoats...especially the GIANT FREAKIN' PANDA BEAR.
When one of the waiters went over to ask about what he was doing there, the only response he received was a signpost that read I'M IN DISGUISE, STUPID! HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF BEING INCONSPICUOUS?!
"...sir, a panda in a trenchcoat is not inconspicuous," the waiter stated, facepalming at this man's unequaled idiocy.
"Can we get some Sprites for the table?" asked Akane, trying to stifle the urge to throttle Genma's neck.
"Very well, miss," the waiter said as he made a note and walked off.
Back at the date table, Nabiki had polished off most of her ravioli before Kenma did, and was about to finish cleaning her plate.
"Man, you are just packin' it away," Kenma commented. "I gotta ask: where does it all go?"
"Sometimes to my chest, sometimes to my hips," Nabiki smirked. "It's a mystery in most cases."
"Y'know, that would explain it," Kenma noted as he scratched his chin. A few seconds later, they both had a good laugh about it, but it was interrupted by a waiter. This one was different from the previous one, on account of her being female and having poofy dark hair.
"Excuse me, is there something you need?" asked Nabiki.
"Consider this compliments of the house," the waitress replied in a higher register, making Kenma raise his eyebrow in recognition. The young woman pulled out a massive, trophy-sized cup full of ice cream, topped with sparklers that had been lit.
Nabiki was about to tuck in, when Kenma realized he suddenly heard what sounded like the hissing of a lit fuse.
"Run," he said.
"What?"
"RUN!" Kenma shouted as he tackled Nabiki out of the way seconds before the ice-cream exploded in a haze of translucent black gas.
B-B-B-BA-KOOOOOOM!
Taking two cloths and putting them over his and Nabiki's mouths, Kenma glared furiously into the smoke as the waitress began to snicker. And then those snickers turned to loud, screeching chortles of wicked glee.
Because as any schlemiel would tell you, that 'waitress' was actually Señora Crazy Bitch herself, Kodachi Kuno.
"The 'Ice Queen of Furinkan High'?" she chortled. "Give me a break! As if I could allow this little witch to sink her claws into my darling Kenma's heart! The Black Rose does not give up so easily!"
"Just what I was afraid of..." muttered Kenma as he cracked his knuckles. "ALRIGHT, YOU DAFT BROAD! YOU WANT ME, COME AN' GET ME!"
"With great and unrestrained pleasure, my dear!" Kodachi exclaimed as she sprinted over to Kenma. Of course, she hadn't expected to receive a fist in the jaw that knocked her over.
"...Kenma-darling...you struck me...?" she asked, surprised.
"Yeah. I did," Kenma retorted. "Because I am sick of your bullcrap. Nabiki and I are going to have a nice date, and you and your bozo brother aren't gonna screw it up. So go home, Kodachi. Because I hate you. Loathe with every fiber of my being. DESPISE you."
Kodachi's eyes grew wet as she sniffled. "...very well, Kenma-darling. I shall leave, and satisfy your request." she said as she got up, and surprisingly left the restaurant.
Akane, Soun and Genma were surprised at this. Apart from recently, Kenma had NEVER been this angry before.
Kenma brushed himself off as he helped Nabiki to her feet. "Sorry that happened. You wanna get some ice cream?" he asked. "There's probably a vendor or two nearby."
"That sounds great," replied Nabiki. "Just as long as we get it in time for the movie."
With that, Kenma left a few dollars for the ravioli, and he and Nabiki left the restaurant.
"C'mon!" called Akane. "We gotta keep following them!"
Genma held up another sign. BUT MY SODA ISN'T EVEN HERE YET!
"Let's just go!" Akane yelled as she pulled him along, with Soun leaving right behind them.
Next up, Kenma and Nabiki went to the movies. They decided to see a recently-released spy picture; once they got their tickets and their giant cups of soda, they headed into the theater and took their seats.
"So this is what it's like going to the movies," Kenma commented.
"Don't tell me you've never been?" asked Nabiki.
"Okay, I won't tell you," Kenma responded as the previews started. "Is this when it starts?"
"Nah, it's just previews for a bunch of other stuff," insisted Nabiki. "We've got ample time before the actual movie begins."
"Niiiice."
A few rows up were Genma, Akane, Soun, and a certain obnoxious little piglet; and all of them just kept on eavesdropping. Alas, they ended up falling asleep midway through the trailers, and missed out on most of the movie.
A couple of hours later, the sky was a bit cloudier, but it was still plenty sunny out. So after grabbing an umbrella from the lost-and-found [just in case it started raining again], Kenma and Nabiki went for a stroll through the park, and they even got ice cream.
"Remember the part with the razor-edged bowler hat?" Kenma asked. "Seriously, I was NOT expecting that!"
"Well, what about the guy with those metal chompers?" replied Nabiki. "Somehow that's both scary AND kind of funny."
"Speaking of which..." Kenma said as he rifled around in his pocket and pulled out his notebook. "Here's a sketch I did recently!"
It was of Ryoga, except part of his body was covered in an inky black substance [it's the alien symbiote] and had formed into a massive arm on the left side of his body.
"That's Ryoga, right?" asked Nabiki. "What's with the black goo?"
"It's a symbiote," Kenma stated. "Because let's be honest: he's a stinker, a cheater, even. He'll do whatever dirty rotten trick it takes to win. He doesn't care about fighting fair if he gets to succeed."
Nabiki snickered. "When you're right, you're right," she agreed as she took another few licks from her triple-ice-cream stack cone.
"How's that ice cream treating you?"
"It's good."
"Glad to hear that," Kenma said as they sat down on a bench.
Nabiki looked from side to side a few times, and then spoke up. "So...what exactly made you interested in me?"
"Huh?"
"I mean, think about it. I'm not what you'd call approachable," Nabiki responded. "Not to mention I'm a bit unscrupulous."
"Well, you're at least a lot more open than most people I know," Kenma stated. "And sure, you might not be the most honest, but I know you're at least a good person."
"Thanks for that, monkey boy. Even if I don't believe it myself."
"Maybe the 'ice queen' just needs to defrost," Kenma joked.
"Oh, ha-ha, nice one," Nabiki retorted as she moved closer to Kenma. Before either of them knew it, they were five centimeters away from each other's faces.
"For what it's worth...I am having fun."
"Well, who says the fun has to end just yet?"
Unconsciously, Kenma and Nabiki moved closer to seal the proverbial gap, and...
"STOP RIGHT THERE, VILE KNAVE!"
Kenma was jostled out as he turned forward...and found a wooden bokken pointing right at his face. And of course, clutching it was one Tatewaki Kuno.
"You have five seconds to quit wavin' your stick in my face," Kenma stated blatantly. "Otherwise I'll take it from your hands and shove it up your bum."
"Thou wouldst dare to threaten the great Tatewaki Kuno?!" snapped the upperclassman. "After you have engaged in such vulgar behavior with the sister of dear Akane Tendo?"
"Sure..." Nabiki scoffed. "Oooh, how lewd. He's been holding my hand. Truly, he is a bastion of vulgarity, Kuno-baby."
"I will NOT stand for this!" Kuno roared as he raised his bokken. "TASTE MY BLADE, VILE DEMON!"
Kenma picked Nabiki up in his arms and pulled her away from the bench as Kuno cleaved it in half.
"STOP SWINGING AT MY DAUGHTER, YOU IDIOT!" shouted Soun as he jumped on Kuno's head.
I'll leave it to you, Tendo! said Genma's sign as he was going to sneak away to raid the ice cream cart. However, Akane stopped him from getting too far.
"Oh, no you don't," she snapped as she pushed him back towards the fight. "If you're gonna come with us, you may as well do your share of fighting, too!"
But I didn't even get anything to eat or drink earlier! another sign read, as the panda groaned in dismay from being engulfed in the fight cloud.
"Bwee! Bwee!" shrieked Wilbur as he could see Kenma and Nabiki getting away. But his squeals were drowned out from the loud sounds of the fighting.
"This is getting a little TOO hectic, if you ask me," Kenma decided. "Maybe we should go home?"
"Sounds like a plan," replied Nabiki as she finished off her cone. Suddenly, there was a rumble of thunder overhead. "...and it looks like we picked a great time for it, too."
Kenma quickly put up his umbrella as the first few drops of rain came down, and they were both on their way out of the park.
A little while later, Kenma and Nabiki returned to the dojo and dried themselves off.
"Hey, Kasumi! Ranma! We're home!" called Kenma.
"So..." said Nabiki. "I think the date went pretty well."
"Even with all the interruptions?" asked Kenma.
"I've learned to expect that sort of thing from hanging around with you," Nabiki replied. "Besides, I had fun."
"Well...glad to hear it," Kenma beamed. "I guess I'll see you...well, whenever I see you."
"Yeah," Nabiki replied. "But you better come back. And here's some incentive for ya."
Before Kenma could ask, Nabiki pulled him close and kissed him on the lips for a good two minutes. Finally, she released him, letting Kenma stumble dazedly about the area for a bit as he made his way upstairs.
Ranma poked his head out of the guest room and saw Kenma stumbling about in the hallway. Reaching out, he pulled his brother into their room and saw the lovestruck, dizzy smile on his face.
"So I take it the date was a success?" he asked.
"Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh!" Kenma giggled as he nodded.
"Awesome; glad I didn't hafta go clobber any o' the usual nitwits," commented Ranma, as the little porker came snorting around in the room. "Speakin' of which...there's the little sausage now."
Wilbur squealed and snorted angrily at Kenma, shouting more obscenities at him as he got grabbed up.
"I'd advise you to watch yourself, you miserable little swine," Kenma ordered. "Or else I might tell Kasumi to see you get a trip to the vet."
Wilbur squealed, as if to say, You wouldn't!
"Oh, WOULDN'T I?" asked Kenma. "You crossed a line with that little hose stunt. Next time you get on my bad side, I'll make sure you pay for it. Gonna be hard to impregnate Akane if you have no balls."
Frantically squealing, Wilbur pried himself out of Kenma's hand, and scampered out of the room.
"Good riddance, you little cutlet," Ranma remarked as he laid down on his sleeping bag. "Ah...that was satisfying."
"Ready when you are, dude," Kenma told his brother as he closed his eyes.
Ranma nodded and closed his eyes as well. Though neither of their bodies were in motion, within their minds a battle for the ages was taking place.
They were so lost in concentration that they didn't notice that Soun, Genma and Akane had returned home, completely soaked to the bone...and a little fried from lightning.
AND SO, THE NEXT NIGHT...
Sparring started off with Genma throwing Ranma towards a wall. However, to his surprise, Ranma caught himself on the wall and leapt back at him, bodyslamming him right in his gut and knocking him on his ass.
"Way to come back around, bro," Kenma grinned, while watching from the sidelines.
"What do you MEAN you're going back to China?!" Genma bellowed. "Boys, how can you even THINK of spouting such rubbish at a time like this?!"
"Well, it IS your fault we got into this mess!" Ranma retorted.
"Foolish brat! Haven't I always told you that a martial artist can turn ANY experience into training?" Genma snapped. "How can I expect you to carry on the legacy of the Anything-Goes School unless you train?"
Ranma looked at him, a dull expression adorning his face. "Y'call this training...?" he asked. "What's the big idea, draggin' me to that place, anyway? What'd you expect with a name like 'the Cursed Springs'?!"
-Flashback?
-Flashback.
*cue Arthur flashback beginning noise*
A somewhat paunchy Chinese man in a brown coat and hat gestured towards the area. "Here, sirs. We come to famous Training Ground of Cursed Springs, Jusenkyo." he said, while holding up a sign.
"Uh, Dad, are you sure it's a good idea training at a place with 'Cursed' in the name?" asked Kenma. "That seems like we're asking for trouble."
Genma waved his son's concerns off. "Don't be so whiny, Kenma. That's probably there to scare off unworthy cowards, not like yours truly!" he responded.
"OK..." Kenma shrugged as he sat as far from the water as he could. "You two have fun, jumping around on bamboo poles up there. I'm just gonna be...over here, with my notebook, nice and dry."
"You very strange ones, sirs," said the tour guide. "This place VERY dangerous! No-one use it now, cuz more than one hundred spring here, and each one have own tragedy happen there!"
"Which is PLENTY of incentive for me to stay out of them," Kenma responded as he got out a pencil and began drawing, while Ranma and Genma began sparring.
Soon, Ranma knocked Genma off the bamboo pole and into the water!
"Hey, Pop! Ya done already?" called Ranma. To his surprise, out of the water came not Genma, but a tremendous panda wearing his jacket! And judging from how easily he stood atop the bamboo pole, this panda was very good at balancing.
"What the-?!" exclaimed Ranma and Kenma, both boys equally shocked.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" shouted Ranma.
"That Xióngmāoneechuan," explained the tour guide as he held up a sign. "Spring of Drowned Panda. Very-tragic legend of panda who drown 2,000 year ago. Now whoever fall in take body of panda!"
Ranma glared at the tour guide. "Hey, you never mentioned anything about THIS!" he spat.
"Actually, yes, he did!" Kenma called up, right before Panda-Genma leapt at Ranma, and with one fierce punch, knocked the boy flying right into another spring.
"Smooth move, Dad," Kenma remarked. "You better hope he's okay, or it'll be YOUR head on the choppin' block." he got to his feet and went over to see if Ranma was okay. However, to his surprise, instead of his brother, a very attractive young woman with wide blue eyes and red hair emerged from the water.
"Ah, now you fall Nyanneechuan: Spring of Drowned Girl," said the tour guide. "There, very tragic legend of young girl who drown 1,500 year ago. Now, whoever fall in spring..."
"OK, sir, I think we get it," Kenma said. "...Ranma? Is that YOU?!"
"Of course it is...I think," Ranma responded, before she looked down and saw that her gi was filled out by a very bountiful chest. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Aaaah, is right!" Kenma responded. "...of all the things to get turned into, WHY did my own brother have to turn into something so breathtaking?!"
END of FLASHBACK.
*cue Arthur flashback ending sound*
"Yeah, some 'great training ground' you brought us to!" snapped Ranma angrily. "All I learned was the world's lamest technique that turns me into a girl an' makes me ashamed to be a guy!"
"Well, that was caused by your own sloppiness and lack of maturity!" Genma retorted. "You should be thanking me because you still have your life!"
"Oh, I'll 'thank' you alright!" Ranma retorted as he slammed his fist into Genma's teeth; the resulting ki-infused blow knocking the fat man back and sending him smashing into the wall behind him. "My life is one thing, but my MANHOOD is a completely different story!"
"You sound like a girl, always complaining about what's over and done with!" Genma scoffed as he adjusted his glasses. "You can't spend your life dwelling on the past! At this rate, neither of you will inherit the Tendo Dojo!"
"Oh? And what says we even WANT it?" Kenma asked as he stepped up to do some sparring of his own. "The whole 'fiancee' thing was YOUR brainless plot!"
-We're gonna be doing a lot of flashbacks here, aren't we?
-Oh, like you would not BELIEVE.
Soun gave a little laugh. "Well, now...your problem isn't so terrible after all," he smiled. "My eldest daughter, Kasumi. She's 19. The middle child, Nabiki. She's 17. And, last but not least, Akane. She's 16."
Kenma scratched his chin. "Three great choices. But which of them will I settle on...I'm thinking Akane." he said abruptly.
"Well, congratulations, Kenny-boy," Nabiki smirked. "If you're getting married, then I call first dibs on the wedding gifts. You can sell those for a lot of dough!"
"Hey! Why should I marry him?!" Akane blurted. "He's probably a pervert like his brother!"
"I don't hafta just sit here and take these egregious accusations!" Kenma declared. "My brother's a real stand-up sorta guy, and that goes for me too!"
"What about that incident in China?" asked Ranma.
"In my defense, how was I supposed to know that girl's boyfriend was part of a local gang?" Kenma fired back. "They don't exactly advertise that sorta thing."
"See?" Akane fumed before turning to Ranma. "Besides, you saw me in the nude, you lech!"
"You were the one who walked in on ME!" Ranma retorted. "Ever heard of knocking before you enter?"
"Well, it's DIFFERENT when a girl looks at a BOY!" Akane spat.
"HOW? Explain how it's different!" Kenma countered. "I'm not gonna stand for this character defamation, and neither will my brother, even if you ARE cute!"
"Gimme a break, Ken," Ranma rolled her eyes. "I know I've never said this before, but you can do WAY better. And I guess that talk about us being friends was a load of crap too, huh, Akane? After all, you couldn't stand losing to a BOY, so how could you even be friends with one?"
"I don't wanna marry EITHER of you!" Akane shouted.
"Fine, then," Ranma said. "C'mon, Ken; we're gonna catch us a ride back to China."
"Not a chance!" Genma protested. "Did you forget your duties HERE?!"
"I remember," Ranma retorted. "But I have more important things to think about besides fiancees and all that crap."
But before they left, Ranma turned back towards Akane. "By the way...I noticed you took a pretty good look at me, too," she commented. "So what's the big deal about seeing a naked girl? I've seen myself naked plenty of times...and I'm better built, to boot! Even as a guy I've got more style than you!"
As she laughed, Akane picked up the table and slammed it on Ranma's head, prompting Kenma to roll out of the way.
"...now that, he had coming," Genma muttered.
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
Akane was in the bathub, angrily scrubbing away at herself.
Ugh! The nerve of those...those BOYS! she thought furiously as she lathered the soap onto her skin. She was so lost in her thoughts of anger that she didn't hear Kenma knocking on the door a few times.
"Nobody answered...so it must be empty," he decided with a shrug, before he went into the restroom. As soon as he got in, he began to remove his clothes.
That Akane...physically she's a stunner...too bad that her personality isn't as great as her body, he thought to himself as he got his pants off.
Of course, after he did that, Akane opened the shower door, and saw him just as he was getting his underwear off. Once he did, he looked up...and got an eyeful of Akane's chest.
"Hmm..." he murmured, in a manner befitting a connoisseur, inspecting them with his eyes. "Not too big...but not too small, either. Juuuuust right." he said, giving a thumbs-up.
Akane's brow furrowed, and she wound up to slap him. Kenma ducked as she swung at him, and stuck out his tongue before he suddenly saw the business end of an enormous mallet coming right at him.
Kenma gulped heavily, before holding up a sign that read: Oh, crapbas-!
BONK!
In seconds, Kenma was sent flying into the air. "FOR YOUR INFORMATION, THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT...!" he shouted.
Seconds later, he crash-landed in the living room, still naked.
"OK, so maybe I overdid it a little," Ranma shrugged. "But still, she didn't hafta hit me so hard with that table!"
"Not to mention, how she clobbered me in the bathroom!" Kenma chimed in.
"She's a normal, high-spirited girl who's just a little energetic; don't tell me you think that's a BAD thing!" Genma inquired.
"There's 'being a little energetic', and then there's having a hair-trigger temper!" Kenma retorted. "With that girl, it's like you're always walking on eggshells, cuz the next thing you say could result in you getting smashed into low Earth orbit!"
"She's more like a short-tempered tomboy with the charm of a warthog!" Ranma added.
"Your mouth may complain, but your heart tells a different story!" Genma sneered.
"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" asked Ranma.
A cheeky grin spread on Genma's face. "Aren't we being shy~!" he prodded.
Ranma scoffed. "...grow up, wouldja?" he asked, rolling his eyes.
"Why don't you just admit the truth, Ranma?" Genma asked. "No doubt your insincerity and bad discipline stems from a lack of self discipline."
"Well, then I guess we got more in common than I thought," Ranma shot back. Kenma snorted at that.
"Ranma, you lout!" exclaimed Genma. "How DARE you taunt your father like this!"
"He can't help it, you make it too easy," Kenma remarked with a smirk.
"Besides, I'm the victim here!" Ranma protested. "Thanks to YOU, I got all kinds of weirdos following me around, challenging me to all sorts of duels!"
-Flashback Number Three!
-R-R-R-R-R-Roll 'em!
All of a sudden, something whizzed through the air towards Akane and she snapped it up. Upon closer inspection, it was shown to be a rose. Her face fell into an expression that clearly read, "oh, brother, not THIS shit again".
"Truly, such a boorish lot..." a voice declared with a smooth tone to it. From behind a tree, a dark-haired young man emerged, clad in a robe and carrying a wooden practice sword. "They fought for the pleasure of your company...if they could defeat you, that is. What fools these mortals be!"
Akane rolled her eyes. "Oh, Upperclassman Kuno...good morning," she responded dryly. "I'm gonna need to ask you to move aside, I'm already late for class."
As she tried to go inside, Kuno blocked her with his bokken. "Well then, Miss Tendo...wouldst thou spar with me?" he inquired.
"Who IS this dingus?" asked Ranma.
"Dunno, but he's even cheesier than those Super Sentai shows." Kenma responded, as the both of them got down off the fence.
"Gee, you're real popular, ain'tcha?" Ranma smirked.
Akane didn't dare take her eyes off her flamboyant opponent. "Get out of the way. You'll get hurt," she insisted.
"What, by that chucklehead?" Kenma scoffed. "Yeah, right!"
Kuno's right eye twitched as he turned to face the boys. "You there!" he exclaimed. "Aren't you being awfully familiar with Akane?"
Ranma looked a little confused, while Kenma didn't pay this guy much mind. "And what if we are?" he asked.
The sky seemed to rumble, complimenting Kuno's anger. "ENOUGH OF YOUR INSOLENCE!" he declared, furious. "I demand to know who you are."
"Well, I'm Ra..." Ranma began, before he was cut off.
"It IS custom to give one's own name FIRST, is it not?" Kuno asked. "Fine then...mine, I shall give! Listen well, for you shall only hear this once!"
Ranma could only blink in shock, either at this guy's flamboyance, or at how he seemed genuinely unaware of the fact other people actually existed.
"The rising new star of the high-school Kendo world...my strength is IMMEASURABLE!" Kuno declared. "I am the Furinkan High School Kendo club Captain! My voice alone can silence even the most unruly of crying children, I am a junior in Class E. My peers call me...Furinkan High's Blue Thunder! Tatewaki Kuno: Age 17."
"Don't even get me started on that clown!" scoffed Kenma, clearly regarding his memories of Kuno as VERY unpleasant.
"What th' heck are they even teaching you at that school?" inquired Genma.
"How can I even focus on school with that screwy curse of mine?" Ranma retorted. "And when I'm a girl, things get even WORSE!"
Flashback #5!
"Fan-fucking-tastic...he's LATE," Ranko fumed. "And after calling me here, too!"
"And you went to all this trouble to make sure you looked presentable," Kenma added. "Unrelated note, do you ever find it weird that your girl half just always has on purple eyeliner all the time?"
"...really?" Ranko asked, doing a double-take.
"Did...did you not notice until now?" Kenma replied, surprised.
Before they could continue, the two heard footsteps approaching them. As Ranko and Kenma turned forward, they saw Kuno approaching from nearby.
"The countryside lies in ruins...and yet, the mountains and rivers remain as they were," he said, reciting from something-or-other. "Pride goeth before a fall. It shows that all which prospers, must also decline."
Kenma rolled his eyes and yawned. "...does this mook ever turn off?" he asked rhetorically.
"It is now precisely 5:36 PM," he declared as he stood across from Ranko. "The moment when the sunset here is at its most beautiful. For it is the Rising Young Star of the High-School Kendo World who shines before you. They call me 'Furinkan High's Blue Thunder'...it is I, Tatewaki Kuno, who has beckoned you to me. I bid you welcome, tree-borne kettle girl."
"You still don't get it, do you?" Ranko asked, annoyed...before she took notice of something. "Hey, where's that stick you're always wavin' around?"
Kuno turned his head to the side. "I have no need for such things," he replied dismissively.
"OK, I get it; you wanna go for a little hand-to-hand combat," Ranko smirked. "Here I wasn't sure you even knew what that was."
"What I came to give you...is THIS!" Kuno declared as he swung something to Ranko, who snapped it out of his hand and took a look. To her confusion, she was now holding a bouquet of flowers.
"...this is a bad joke, right?" Ranko asked, blinking in shock.
By now, Kuno had turned and was now leaving the field. "Pony-tailed girl..." he said, before turning back to face Ranko. "...I love you."
Kenma's jaw hit the ground like a lead weight. "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!" he exclaimed.
As Kuno walked away, Ranko was left dumbstruck by those parting words.
Ponytailed girl...I love you.
I love you.
They rang in her ears like bells of doom, and she completely shut down, slumping to her knees.
"Great..." sighed Kenma. "Just what we needed, more problems."
"That schlemiel's been chasin' me around, everywhere I go, bugging me to date him..." fumed Ranma. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life!"
"And that isn't even getting INTO his twisted sister, Kodachi, aka 'The Black Rose'!" Kenma chimed in as he cracked his knuckles. "You thought ONE Kuno was bad? Two of them's double trouble!"
"Quit your complaining!" Genma snapped. "Remember Article 5, Item 3 in the Anything-Goes Martial Arts Code: 'One must follow the paths of a warrior AND a scholar'!"
Ranma blinked in surprise. "...we've got a code?"
"First I've heard of it..." muttered Kenma.
"Oh, you break your father's heart!" Genma exclaimed, the crocodile tears springing to his eyes. "Have I spent the past 16 years bringing up a pair of crybabies?! Haven't I tried to teach you both honor and discipline?! What have I done to deserve such pathetic excuses for children?!"
"You think I like turning into a girl, you old fart?" snapped Ranma. "Don't tell me I got no discipline! For cryin' out loud, I wore a damn leotard to a fight once!"
Flashback #6
"Insolent wench who dares claim relation to my beloved!" scowled Kodachi. "I, the Black Rose, shall bring you to justice!"
She roared and threw her hoop at Ranko, who dodged out of the way.
"If you won't listen to reason...I'm gonna hafta beat some sense into you!" Ranko exclaimed as she took two juggling clubs and twirled them like nunchaku.
"I taught her that," Kenma smiled proudly in the audience.
"How utterly ridiculous," Kodachi sneered. "Am I not the beautiful flower of St. Bacchus? The rising star of the martial-arts gymnastics world? The ONE they call, Kodachi, "the Black Rose"?! Now, witness the Black Rose's secret technique: the Blow of 1,000 Hands!—at FULL FRENZY!"
Immediately, she began trying to strike at Ranko with the clubs while the redheaded girl was blocking each attack.
"She's pretty good," noted Daisuke.
"The way she strikes, you'd swear she was using 10 or 20 clubs," Ryunosuke murmured.
Testing a theory, Akane lobbed a ball between her hands, then threw it. "RANKO!" she called out. Receiving the signal, the redheaded girl leapt up and slapped the ball downward, right into Kodachi's hand. This made her lose her focus and drop the club...or rather, CLUBS she was holding.
"So she WAS cheating!" exclaimed Ryunosuke.
Kodachi used her ribbon to grab the bell, and flung it at Ranko, who held up Wilbur and used him to block the attack. Naturally, the pig didn't take too kindly to this and angrily squealed and bit Ranko, who slapped him.
Once more, the ribbon lashed out, wrapping around a folding chair, which Kodachi threw at Ranko. The redheaded girl managed to avoid the attack, and used her own ribbon to grab the table being used by the announcer, and flung it at Kodachi.
"CHALLENGER SAOTOME HAS COMMANDEERED A DESK!" exclaimed the announcer, while Kodachi wrapped her ribbon around her own brother, and threw HIM at the table. "OH, BUT CHAMPION KUNO COUNTERS WITH HER BROTHER!"
And both table and moron collided head-on in the air.
"It ain't fair, I tell ya," Ranma groused. "I didn't become a martial artist to become a champion of girls' gymnastics, y'know!"
"I hear you, loud and clear!" Kenma nodded firmly. "It's so damned infuriating!"
But then, they heard someone snoring. Glancing over, they saw Genma, having fallen fast asleep, sawing logs as he dozed.
"...here we are, pouring our hearts out..." Kenma fumed, drawing his leg back. "...AND YOU PICK NOW TO START TAKING A NAP?!"
With a grunt, he kicked Genma in the head, and Ranma slammed his face into the wooden floor. "WE'RE ONLY HALF-DONE, YOU CAN'T SLEEP YET!" the black-haired boy boomed.
Soon afterwards, Kenma had Genma in a stranglehold...as in, he was holding his neck in his hands, with intent to strangle.
"L-LEMME GO! C'MON!" Genma wheezed as his face began to turn red.
"Still think I got no discipline?" asked Ranma. "Well, now you know what it's like to be in a tight spot!"
"I got it, I got it!" Genma gagged. "Break! Break!"
"Shut up, or there'll be a break," Kenma snapped. "Maybe your neck."
"It's like everyone's always pissed off at us for stuff we ain't even done," Ranma vocalized.
"Calm down, boy! You've just got a persecution complex!" Genma gasped as his face was now on its way to turning blue. "Lemme go! Lemme go!"
"So then why must we pay for YOUR screw-ups?" asked Kenma.
"You don't! You don't!" Genma exclaimed. "Just stop and relax!"
"Oh, yeah? Well, Ukyo says otherwise!" Ranma spat. "You tricked me, left him behind, and then you sold off the okonomiyaki cart. Cuz of that, I lost my best bud, and now he probably hates my guts."
"Accidents happen sometimes, that's all!" Genma begged as he struggled and flailed, before Kenma threw him to the floor.
"Like your accident with the little black pig in China?" snapped Ranma.
Flashback #7
As Ryoga stood atop a cliff overlooking Jusenkyo, he was suddenly jostled from his soliloquizing by a massive panda barreling towards him like a freight train. Thinking quickly, Ryoga leapt out of the way, but he was completely unprepared for the redheaded girl that was right behind the panda.
"WAIT UP, Y'OLD FOOL!" she called, leaping off of Ryoga like a springboard, and sending him plummeting into one of the Jusenkyo springs.
SPLOOOOOSH!
Seconds later, a squealing, shrieking black piglet bobbed up in the water, flailing for his life.
He was fished out of the water, courtesy of the same panda that he'd run into minutes ago! Holding him by the bandana, the panda skipped merrily down the path leading to a small house.
"Oh, sir, that one tasty-looking piglet you find," the Jusenkyo Tour Guide commented, as the panda presented his catch. Quick as a whip, he brought out a meat cleaver and a carving fork. "How about I whip up my Cantonese sweet-n-sour pork for you?"
The piglet was practically shrieking with fear, while the panda nodded hungrily, his mouth watering at such a prospect.
Soon, the tour guide was busy sharpening his cleaver. "Here in Jusenkyo, there spring called 'Eiton'nichuan'..." he explained as the panda was making sure the water in the wok was nice and boiling. "Black piglet tragically drown there 1,200 years ago. Now whoever fall in spring take body of little black piglet."
He grabbed the pig and glanced at it. "Maybe this human that fall in Eiton'nichuan, yeah?"
The piglet frantically nodded.
"You hear, sir? That a good one, right?" the guide told the panda, as they both laughed while he dropped the piglet straight into the water.
Seconds later, Ryoga shot out of the wok, looking like he could pass for a boiled lobster, and covering his crotch.
"You really is human!" exclaimed the Tour Guide. "No can eat this one..."
Genma scratched his head. "...did that really happen? I don't remember the events transpiring like that..." he muttered, right before Ranma stomped on his back.
"Oh, believe me, it happened. I get a reminder almost every day," he remarked.
"Ranma, Kenma, calm yourselves!" Genma begged. "Hurting me won't solve all your problems!"
"How do you know?" asked Kenma. "We've never tried until now."
"Not to mention, it just didn't stop there," Ranma remarked. "Trying to kill me became his messed-up hobby!"
Flashback #8
"RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!" Ryoga bellowed. The umbrella's tip jutted into the ground, creating a massive circle from the vibrations, as Ranma leapt away and landed on his feet.
Kenma raced over to his brother. "Ranma, what's going on?" he asked.
"Looks like we're gettin' a blast from our past, Ken," Ranma responded as the dust cleared, revealing the boy clutching his parasol.
"At last...I've found you...Ranma and Kenma Saotome!" he declared.
"You went and broke a man-to-man promise! Daring to run off to China with your father and brother?!"
Furious, he swung his parasol at Ranma, but he leapt out of reach and landed a few feet away.
"How is it OUR fault your sense of direction stinks like rotting fish?" asked Kenma dryly.
"I guess you came to finish our fight, is that it?" Ranma inquired.
"FINISH IT…?!" Ryoga asked, a frenzied cackle building in his throat. "IT'S ONLY JUST BEGUN! THIS IS REVENGE!"
He opened his parasol and flung it at Ranma, who dodged the whirling instrument.
"Revenge for what?" asked Kenma as the umbrella came whirling back into Ryoga's grip.
"Don't play dumb with me!" Ryoga spat. "I'm going to destroy your happiness, no matter the cost!"
"And to think, it's all because YOU wanted pork for dinner!" Ranma remarked as he bodyslammed Genma into the floor. "Still say you've got no part in messing up my life?"
"Don't be dense!" Genma groaned. "Remember Article 5, Item 4 of the code? 'A battle can't be won on an empty stomach'!"
"We must've missed that one," Kenma stated dryly.
"A true martial artist should be ready to seize any opportunity!" Genma exclaimed. "That means if you have food, you should eat, and eat, and eat! You never know where your next meal will come from, or when it will come!"
"You just like to eat!" Ranma snapped as he gave Genma one nasty black eye.
"That passion flows in your blood, too, boy!" insisted Genma. "You want proof? Remember that Chinese village of Amazons?"
"I'd rather not." muttered Ranma.
Flashback #9
It had been a while after Ranma and Kenma had found the Spear of Simia, which as always, is a story for another day. Unfortunately, neither boy had eaten a thing since that day, and they were seriously considering murdering Genma in his panda-form and eating him. It wouldn't exactly take a rocket scientist to cover up his "mysterious" death, and outside of Soun Tendo, nobody would really investigate.
"Sirs, we come to rustic village of Nyuchiehzu," said the Tour Guide, interrupting the boys' thoughts of patricide.
"New cheese...what?" Kenma asked. "Izzat some kinda new food?"
"It not food, sirs," replied the Tour Guide. "This is town of Amazon womans!"
All at once, it was like Kenma's thoughts of hunger had completely ceased. "...did you say 'amazon women'?" he inquired.
"That what I said, sir," acknowledged the Tour Guide.
"...well, what are we waiting for? We'd better move it!" Kenma exclaimed as he gained a sudden energy boost. His feet were spinning like a pair of wheels, and he was already kicking up some serious dust. "TEYANDEE~!"
When the smoke cleared, Ranko, Genma and the Tour Guide saw Kenma five feet in front, and he was putting some major distance between them. "C'mon, slowpokes! I'm sooo far ahead~!" he chortled with glee.
And here I thought he was hungry, thought Ranko.
Shortly after they caught up, the tour guide led them into a village that was, true to his word, crammed to the gills with women of all shapes and sizes. And they were all gathered around a stage where two in particular were locked in combat.
"We show up at real good time!" the tour guide explained. "Today amazon women have tournament!"
"Wait, THAT'S a woman?!" Ranko exclaimed in disbelief at the larger, flat-faced female who probably had more in common with a gorilla.
"Here, that one more pretty, no?" the tour guide asked as he gestured to the one on the right; she was smaller, had red eyes, and purple hair.
"That one WAY more pretty!" Kenma nodded, a trail of drool dripping from his mouth. His monkey-tail wagged as he beat his chest a few times. "OOH-OOH-OOH! Hell-oooo, Nurse!"
Needless to say, he was even MORE impressed by the purple-haired girl's athletic ability as she jumped around before knocking her larger opponent off the stage, sending her flying into the air.
"Win tournament is very big honor," the guide said as he smoked a pipe.
"Mm-hmm," Panda-Genma and Ranko said as they tucked into a pile of food that was nearby.
"That girl...*CHOMP*...has some serious power," Ranko said between bites.
"Wait, where did you guys get that food?" asked Kenma. "Have you been holding out on me?"
"No way!" Ranko insisted. "It was right over here!" she gestured to a podium with lots of food around it...as well as a label on the podium that read "First Prize".
The tour guide turned around and saw this. The second he did, his blood ran cold. Before he could respond, Ranko had to leap out of the way to avoid getting smashed by a meteor hammer. Wielding them was the purple-haired girl, and hot damn, was she pissed off.
"*You there, woman and panda! Why you steal my prize?*" she asked in Chinese, although it was translated by the tour guide.
"P-prize?" asked Ranko.
"*Every year this day of martial arts showcase,*" the girl continued, and was translated subsequently. "*I am now champion. BUT HOW IS CHAMPION SUPPOSED TO CELEBRATE IF CHAMPION NOT HAVE PRIZE TO ENJOY?!*"
"Ahhhh...so if I beat you, then we should be alright, yeah?" asked Ranko.
The tour guide translated this to Shampoo, who nodded in affirmation.
TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT...
Shampoo got her ass handed to her on a silver platter.
Shortly after said ass-handing, the purple-haired girl got to her feet, went over to Ranko, and then like a character in a mafia movie, kissed her on the cheek.
"HA, HA, HA!" Genma guffawed. "Like father, like son!"
"Your fault for setting a cruddy example," retorted Kenma. "If we had a real father figure, instead of the layabout we're stuck with, maybe we could've become half-decent human beings."
"Don't act so innocent," Genma scoffed. "Because of your unresolved relationship with that Chinese girl, you've brought a maelstrom of trouble down upon this house!"
"...do you actually believe half the shit that comes outta your mouth?" asked Ranma.
Genma brushed himself off and re-adjusted his neck. "If you scuttle off to China, where exactly does that leave Akane?" he remarked.
"4 words, old man: free-as-a-bird," Kenma retorted. "Besides, I already settled my business with Shampoo. The only reason I'm going with Ranma is to help him find a cure for his condition."
"Where does that leave Akane, indeed," Soun glowered, his overprotective father mode kicking in. "I refuse to stand by while two of my girls are cast aside for another!"
"Daddy, I already TOLD you, Kenma and I have reached a compromise," Nabiki insisted. "If he DOES find Shampoo out there, then that's fine."
"DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE ALREADY HAD YOUR EVIL WAY WITH THAT CHINESE GIRL?!" Genma shouted, attempting to gaslight his redheaded son.
Flashback #10 [I think this is the very last one]
Shampoo got to her feet, the lump on her head having vanished. As though she'd just woken up from a nap, she stumbled over to Kenma.
"Hey, look, I didn't mean anything by it," Kenma insisted. "It was a fluke, see?"
But Ryoga wasn't going to let his archnemesis slip away. "Be a man, why don't you?" he asked. "And TAKE YOUR KISS OF DEATH!"
Shoved forward, Kenma made a mental note to, as soon as possible, begin planning his revenge against Ryoga. He glanced forward as he saw Shampoo wrapping her arms around him, and gazing at him with half-lidded eyes.
...this was NOT the aura of a cold-blooded killer.
"Wo ai ni," Shampoo said in Chinese, before she leaned in and kissed Kenma. Square on the mouth.
Everyone went silent—especially a bewildered Akane, and a VERY disappointed-looking Ryoga. He was hoping Shampoo would've decided to kill both Saotomes. And then with them out of the way, Akane would be all his!
Alas, fate took a very different path.
"KENMA! YOU DIDN'T ALLOW THAT GIRL TO SEDUCE YOU, DID YOU?!" Genma exclaimed.
"SAOTOME!" shouted Soun. "WHAT KIND OF FATHER INSTILLS SUCH LOOSE MORALS ON HIS SONS?! I DON'T WANT MY GIRLS ANYWHERE NEAR THOSE PERVERTS!"
Kenma rolled his eyes. "...alright..."
"...if you wouldn't mind..." continued Ranma.
"SHUT UP ALREADY!" both Saotome brothers shouted, their faces red.
"God, it's like talking to a pair of brick walls!" Kenma wheezed, catching his breath.
"No, talking to a brick wall would be easier," Ranma replied. "Brick walls at least know how to shut up and listen."
Turning to face the doorway, they saw both Tatewaki and Kodachi Kunos, as well as Ryoga, standing in their path with Genma and Akane. On the sides were Kasumi and Nabiki.
"If you think I'm gonna let you two go to China and find a cure by yourselves, think again!" Ryoga smirked.
"Fleeing the country, and leaving our score unsettled?" chortled Kuno. "That is a sad miscalculation, indeed. Let us settle it now, instead!"
But he was bumped to the side by Kodachi, who was amorous as always. "Ranma-darling~!" she exclaimed as she got ready to run to her 'beloved'.
"If you really think you're going to get out of here, then you've got another thing coming!" Genma declared smugly.
"Gee, kinda makes me wish we brought backup," Kenma remarked, right as Hiroshi, Daisuke, and Ryunosuke leapt in through the windows. "...oh, wait. We did." he smirked.
"Sorry we were a little late," said Daisuke. "We had stuff to take care of."
"But hey, at least we made it," Hiroshi chimed in. "Better late than never, right?"
"You cut it a little close," said Ranma. "But ya still got here in time."
"We gotta FIGHT our way outta here," Kenma exclaimed. "You think you guys are ready?"
"Are you kidding me? I was born ready," Ryno retorted. "Just show me where to start punching."
And with that, both sides charged at each other, ready for an incredible battle.
A HALF-HOUR LATER...
Genma hit the floor, both eyes now blackened, his glasses were broken, and five of his teeth were now missing. On each hand, two fingers had been broken.
Kuno was now nursing a black eye as he laid facedown on the floor, next to his unconscious sister.
Ryoga was dangling partway out the window, a massive lump on his noggin. And Akane was in a straitjacket to keep her from lashing out and harming anybody. She had a couple of teeth missing and a few bruises on her face and cheeks.
"Well...if that's all..." Kenma panted, wiping some blood from his face. "...then we'll be on our way."
With that, he walked out of the room to get his backpack and his things. Ranma walked over to Ryoga, who had now fallen backwards and collapsed on the floor.
"Turn off the lights when you're done; OK, Porky?" he asked as he retrieved his backpack.
The only response he received was a low, agonized groan of pain, as Kenma returned with his things all packed up.
[cue music: Pokémon Anime BGM - Meeting and Parting (1997~1998-M04) by Shinji Miyazaki]
"I suppose this is so long, Ranma, Kenma," Kasumi vocalized as she looked upon the two brothers.
"Ah, not really," Kenma shrugged. "It's more of a 'see you later, we'll come back someday'."
"It better be," Nabiki replied as she slipped a picture into Kenma's pocket. "I don't want you forgetting about me."
"Like that'd ever happen," Ranma remarked as he gave Kasumi a hug, before turning to face their friends, who had stuck by them through the good and bad times.
"Tell us all about China when you come back, okay?" asked Daisuke.
"If ya see Shampoo, let her know we say 'hi'!" added Hiroshi.
"Also tell her we miss her!" Ryno chimed in.
"You got it," Kenma gave a thumbs-up to their pals, and then turned to face his brother. "So...you ready to hit the road?" he asked.
"I been ready since the first day we came here," Ranma replied with a smile. "So I say...let's go!"
[cue music: Pokémon Anime BGM - End of an Adventure (1997~1998-M11) by Shinji Miyazaki]
And so, both Ranma and Kenma Saotome have finally left the Tendo Dojo, heading for a new destination: China, baby! Nobody quite knows what adventures and mysteries await them once they return to its shores, but they're definitely going to be interesting—and that's a surefire bet anyone could win big on!
Ranma and Kenma head off into the night, their sillhouettes illuminated by the moonlight.
And elsewhere in China, a familiar face is searching for them, too.
"Ranma Saotome...I won't stop until I've gotten even!" a tough yet feminine voice declared. "You're personally going to pay for my humiliation all those years ago...and that goes for your father, too!"
TO BE CONTINUED
in the next installment...
Ranma 1/2:
The Life & Times of Kenma Saotome, Book 2
but until then, this is THE END!
And now..
for the EPILOGUE OF BOOK 1!
As the curtain fell in the studio, a female with green hair, a tiger-print bra and panties, and a tiny pair of conical horns floated out onto the stage.
"Hi, hi!" she waved. "Lum here, from Urusei Yatsura, or Those Noisy Neighbors! Was that a cool ending, or what? And I get to show up next season, too! I can hardly wait~!"
Just then, there came a shout from behind the curtain. As Lum turned to take a look, Ranko stormed angrily out from behind, dripping with water. Following behind her was Ataru Moroboshi, holding a formerly-full bucket.
"I toldja to bug off, you perv!" Ranko snapped at Ataru.
"Hey, don't be like that, baby!" Ataru grinned. "Sides, you look much cuter that way~! Can I get your email? Your digits? Your blood type, your astrological sign? Has anyone ever told you that you rock the wet hair look?"
Lum gritted her teeth angrily. "...excuse me, folks," she told the readers. "I have to go teach my boyfriend why it's a bad idea to hit on girls who aren't interested...ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!"
She flew off to the right half of the stage, her body sparking with angry electrical energy.
On the left side of the stage, next to Kenma, stood a schoolgirl his age with brown eyes and black hair, as well as a young man with amber eyes, white hair that went down to his back, and a pair of pointed ears.
"Is he like this all the time?" asked Kenma to the girl, Kagome.
Kagome shook her head. "Nope...usually, he's worse." she replied. "Anyways, nice to meet you, Kenma."
Kenma nodded. "Likewise."
InuYasha just snorted under his breath. "Yeah, whatever...just don't go gettin' in my way. Especially since the rest of us are supposed to cameo next season." he remarked.
Kenma nodded. "Well, looks like this is it for Book Number 1. So, until next time…"
The group all got together on stage, even Ataru, whose face was now beaten and battered, and his body was smoking from being electrocuted, for one last line.
"THANKS FOR READING, AND SEE YOU AROUND!"
Kenma winked and grinned. "Teyandee!" he exclaimed, his teeth gleaming for a brief moment.
Ranma blinked. "'Tey-an-dee'?" he asked his brother. "...why does that sound so familiar?"
OPENING/CLOSING THEME:
"Don't Make Me Wild Like You!" (Kitty Records)
Japanese version sung by Etsuko Nishio
English version sung by Myriam Sirois
Composed by Kunio Muramatsu
Arranged by Kazuo Shiina
Original lyrics by Yukinojo Mori
Translated lyrics by Trish LeDoux!
Yappa-paa, yappa-paa; don't know what to do
My heart is not a game-it's mah-jongg to you.
Yappa paa, yappa paa-feel like a shrew
Who needs boys? Don't you dare -
Make me wild like you!
Before you, boys got on their knees
Ranma, Ranma-it's me you always tease.
Since the day I ran into you
Ranma, Ranma you -
Stole my heart and you -
Don't you dare go and -
Make me wild like you!
Somebody tell me, why it's so hard
To say those three words, "I love you"?
(KENMA: Pretty easy for me, actually!)
If I let myself give in to you
I'll become just as -
Wild as you!
Before you come in like a breeze
Won't you stop and ring the bell, please?
Before you make my heart a home
Why not let me love you on my own?
I'd be better off without you -
But just tonight it's alright...
Until tomorrow, all right.
Every time your eyes turn to me,
Ranma, Ranma you -
Make me feel dizzy.
Someday we may be more than "friends"
Ranma, Ranma you've -
Gone and done it true -
Can't you see that you've -
Made me wild like you!
FINALLY! After 5 whole months, we've made it to the end of Book 1 of the Saotome Brothers' adventures. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
But we won't be jumping right into Season 2 for a while, no-siree. Before that, we're gonna be putting out a couple of zany specials that don't exactly take place right after this season, but a little further down the line. Just keep your eyes peeled, and your ears open for any further announcements.
Even though you aren't here for this one, I'd like to thank my original co-writer, DaniFuli for inspiring me during writing of the first version, as well as my new co-writer, Jamtaro Kujo from Discord, for helping me write this new version. Couldn't have made it this far without his help and encouragement, and for that I'm always grateful.
This has been Sonic Thunder Saiyan Turtle, and until we meet again, I bid you all "so long"!