I don't own them - Aaron Sorkin does. Lucky him. And he'd never in a million YEARS write this into the actual show, which might be a blessing and a half right there! LOL
Depending on how you look at it, this was spawned by the Aflac duck, a joke, or Priya and I being crazy in the morning. Or all of the above. Probably all of the above.
This is rated a strong and solid R for sexual innuendo and... um.... perversity of the totally amusing kind.
Blowing Bubbles in the Park
by Rebecca A. Anderson
sniggles@claudia-jean.net
June 2001
"Hey, CJ," Josh said, bracing one shoulder on the doorframe to her office door.
CJ glanced up and sighed. "Hello, Joshua Louise - what does your esteemed self require?"
"Well, I wanted to see if you wanted to hear a joke, but since you're being such a..."
"Stop while you're still behind and this pen is still in my hand," she growled, rubbing her eyes. "It's 10:30 PM, Josh - hit me with your best shot."
"Okay." He grinned. "But don't say I didn't warn you."
"Fine, whatever."
"Okay, there were these three ducks that went before a judge, because they'd all been arrested."
"Josh, ducks don't get arrested unless they like bite someone."
"Shut up. Anyway, the judge says, 'Well, tell me your names and what you did. You first. What's your name?' And the first duck replies, 'Quack.'"
"Oh, how original."
"Would you just shut up - you're ruining the joke! Anyway, the judge says, 'Well, Quack, what did you get arrested for?' And Quack says, 'I was blowing bubbles in the park.' The judge is all like 'Okay.... You - what's your name?' 'Quack Quack.'"
"Josh, is there a purpose to this joke?"
"Yes! So shut up so I can finish it already! 'Well, Quack Quack, what did you do?' 'I was blowing bubbles in the park, too.' Now the judge is just going 'What the... Okay, and I bet you're gonna tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack,' to the last duck."
CJ groaned.
"The duck shakes his head and says, 'No, I'm Bubbles.'"
There was absolute silence.
"CJ, it's funny - you're supposed to...."
"Josh, there's no way in hell a duck could give another duck a blow job. Y'know, the beak isn't..."
"CJ... semantics don't matter, okay?!"
"I mean, how technically could a duck...."
"How could a duck what?" Sam asked, joining Josh in the doorway.
"....Give another duck a blow job," CJ finished.
"What?" Sam said, looking a little alarmed. "CJ, have you been drinking too much coffee or something?"
"No - Josh told me this joke about ducks and blowing Bubbles, and I'm just trying to..."
"Oh, he actually TOLD you that?!" Sam said, looking a little flabbergasted. "Y'know, the first time he told me that joke, I got this totally nasty picture of like the Aflac duck giving a normal park duck a..."
"SAM!" CJ managed to choke out.
"Yeah, well..."
"Okay, you two just frighten me in some vaguely prison movie kind of way," Toby said, coming up behind them. "When Josh fist told me that joke, I threw something at him."
"Yeah, you almost killed me with a half-peeled grapefruit," Josh muttered under his breath, scowling at Toby.
"Ducks don't actually, y'know, get imprisoned unless they're like rabid or... bite someone," CJ added.
"You said that already," Josh sighed. "It's just a joke - it's supposed to be funny!"
"What's just a joke, and what are all of you doing standing around in CJ's doorway?" Leo asked, coming up behind Toby.
"Josh, tell him the joke," Toby ordered.
"I will not tell him the joke!" Josh spluttered.
"Why not? You chicken?" CJ said with a smirk.
"Hey.... Okay, fine," Josh said with a sigh. He told the joke, and Leo just stared at them all.
"You people have too much time on your hands," Leo muttered in disgust.
"What was the first picture that popped into your head?" Sam pressed.
"Well, it wasn't so much a picture as the Aflac duck commercials," Leo said, rubbing his forehead. "And now I'm, sadly enough, wondering if the Aflac duck screams 'AFLAC!' at the height of passion."
"Yeah, well, I can't get over that the ducks were able to give Bubbles a blow job anyway - the beaks aren't exactly condusive to... y'know... uh..." CJ broke off suddenly, blushing and staring over everyone's shoulders.
"Well, well, are we having a conference?" the President inquired.
"No, sir, we're talking about ducks and blow jobs," Toby supplied wryly.
"Like that duck in the commercials...?" the President said, looking more than a little amused.
"The Aflac duck," Leo supplied.
"The Aflac duck?" the President continued.
"Um, kind of."
"Well, that duck must be a very sexual animal, because I just saw on CNN an Aflac commercial where the duck is in bed with a couple making love, and at the end, there's the two pairs of human feet, and..."
"A pair of duck feet!" Sam piped up. "Isn't that just the funniest commercial, sir?"
"Not particularly - I found it terrifically... perverse," the President said with a disapproving scowl.
"Well, Leo wonders if the Aflac duck screams 'AFLAC!' in moments of passion," CJ muttered.
"And you were arguing about ducks going to prison and their beaks not being condusive to actually giving blow jobs," Josh said with a smirk. "Don't blow Leo's thing out of the water."
"Okay, Josh, that was a terrible pun," Toby spoke up.
"Pun? What pun?" Josh asked, looking slightly confused.
"Okay, people, this has really been interesting, but I'm going back to the Residence to make a few calls, and die for the night - however, I am going to be left with images of the Aflac duck giving a blow job for the rest of the night," the President said, rolling his eyes.
"The Aflac duck gets some, and..." CJ sighed, glancing back down at her file. When she looked back up, everyone else had scattered but Josh. "What?"
"Why did the turkey cross the road?"
"Because I'm coming after him with a butcher knife instead of a Presidential pardon," CJ replied.
"Okay, now, that just totally defeated the purpose of..."
"Get out now, Josh, before I hit you with my pen."
"Hey, we could do some fencing!"
"OUT!"
He turned to leave, but then grinned over at her. "Y'know you're gonna be up all night, trying to figure out how a duck gives a blow job, right?"
"Shut up, Josh."
"You are!"
"Probably, so damn you anyway," she grumbled.
Josh chuckled and walked back out into the hallway. "My work here is done," he said to no one in particular, as no one was in the hall with him. Then he paused and said, "Okay, now, that picture of the Aflac duck in a threesome is just gonna haunt me for the rest of my life."
finis
Depending on how you look at it, this was spawned by the Aflac duck, a joke, or Priya and I being crazy in the morning. Or all of the above. Probably all of the above.
This is rated a strong and solid R for sexual innuendo and... um.... perversity of the totally amusing kind.
Blowing Bubbles in the Park
by Rebecca A. Anderson
sniggles@claudia-jean.net
June 2001
"Hey, CJ," Josh said, bracing one shoulder on the doorframe to her office door.
CJ glanced up and sighed. "Hello, Joshua Louise - what does your esteemed self require?"
"Well, I wanted to see if you wanted to hear a joke, but since you're being such a..."
"Stop while you're still behind and this pen is still in my hand," she growled, rubbing her eyes. "It's 10:30 PM, Josh - hit me with your best shot."
"Okay." He grinned. "But don't say I didn't warn you."
"Fine, whatever."
"Okay, there were these three ducks that went before a judge, because they'd all been arrested."
"Josh, ducks don't get arrested unless they like bite someone."
"Shut up. Anyway, the judge says, 'Well, tell me your names and what you did. You first. What's your name?' And the first duck replies, 'Quack.'"
"Oh, how original."
"Would you just shut up - you're ruining the joke! Anyway, the judge says, 'Well, Quack, what did you get arrested for?' And Quack says, 'I was blowing bubbles in the park.' The judge is all like 'Okay.... You - what's your name?' 'Quack Quack.'"
"Josh, is there a purpose to this joke?"
"Yes! So shut up so I can finish it already! 'Well, Quack Quack, what did you do?' 'I was blowing bubbles in the park, too.' Now the judge is just going 'What the... Okay, and I bet you're gonna tell me your name is Quack Quack Quack,' to the last duck."
CJ groaned.
"The duck shakes his head and says, 'No, I'm Bubbles.'"
There was absolute silence.
"CJ, it's funny - you're supposed to...."
"Josh, there's no way in hell a duck could give another duck a blow job. Y'know, the beak isn't..."
"CJ... semantics don't matter, okay?!"
"I mean, how technically could a duck...."
"How could a duck what?" Sam asked, joining Josh in the doorway.
"....Give another duck a blow job," CJ finished.
"What?" Sam said, looking a little alarmed. "CJ, have you been drinking too much coffee or something?"
"No - Josh told me this joke about ducks and blowing Bubbles, and I'm just trying to..."
"Oh, he actually TOLD you that?!" Sam said, looking a little flabbergasted. "Y'know, the first time he told me that joke, I got this totally nasty picture of like the Aflac duck giving a normal park duck a..."
"SAM!" CJ managed to choke out.
"Yeah, well..."
"Okay, you two just frighten me in some vaguely prison movie kind of way," Toby said, coming up behind them. "When Josh fist told me that joke, I threw something at him."
"Yeah, you almost killed me with a half-peeled grapefruit," Josh muttered under his breath, scowling at Toby.
"Ducks don't actually, y'know, get imprisoned unless they're like rabid or... bite someone," CJ added.
"You said that already," Josh sighed. "It's just a joke - it's supposed to be funny!"
"What's just a joke, and what are all of you doing standing around in CJ's doorway?" Leo asked, coming up behind Toby.
"Josh, tell him the joke," Toby ordered.
"I will not tell him the joke!" Josh spluttered.
"Why not? You chicken?" CJ said with a smirk.
"Hey.... Okay, fine," Josh said with a sigh. He told the joke, and Leo just stared at them all.
"You people have too much time on your hands," Leo muttered in disgust.
"What was the first picture that popped into your head?" Sam pressed.
"Well, it wasn't so much a picture as the Aflac duck commercials," Leo said, rubbing his forehead. "And now I'm, sadly enough, wondering if the Aflac duck screams 'AFLAC!' at the height of passion."
"Yeah, well, I can't get over that the ducks were able to give Bubbles a blow job anyway - the beaks aren't exactly condusive to... y'know... uh..." CJ broke off suddenly, blushing and staring over everyone's shoulders.
"Well, well, are we having a conference?" the President inquired.
"No, sir, we're talking about ducks and blow jobs," Toby supplied wryly.
"Like that duck in the commercials...?" the President said, looking more than a little amused.
"The Aflac duck," Leo supplied.
"The Aflac duck?" the President continued.
"Um, kind of."
"Well, that duck must be a very sexual animal, because I just saw on CNN an Aflac commercial where the duck is in bed with a couple making love, and at the end, there's the two pairs of human feet, and..."
"A pair of duck feet!" Sam piped up. "Isn't that just the funniest commercial, sir?"
"Not particularly - I found it terrifically... perverse," the President said with a disapproving scowl.
"Well, Leo wonders if the Aflac duck screams 'AFLAC!' in moments of passion," CJ muttered.
"And you were arguing about ducks going to prison and their beaks not being condusive to actually giving blow jobs," Josh said with a smirk. "Don't blow Leo's thing out of the water."
"Okay, Josh, that was a terrible pun," Toby spoke up.
"Pun? What pun?" Josh asked, looking slightly confused.
"Okay, people, this has really been interesting, but I'm going back to the Residence to make a few calls, and die for the night - however, I am going to be left with images of the Aflac duck giving a blow job for the rest of the night," the President said, rolling his eyes.
"The Aflac duck gets some, and..." CJ sighed, glancing back down at her file. When she looked back up, everyone else had scattered but Josh. "What?"
"Why did the turkey cross the road?"
"Because I'm coming after him with a butcher knife instead of a Presidential pardon," CJ replied.
"Okay, now, that just totally defeated the purpose of..."
"Get out now, Josh, before I hit you with my pen."
"Hey, we could do some fencing!"
"OUT!"
He turned to leave, but then grinned over at her. "Y'know you're gonna be up all night, trying to figure out how a duck gives a blow job, right?"
"Shut up, Josh."
"You are!"
"Probably, so damn you anyway," she grumbled.
Josh chuckled and walked back out into the hallway. "My work here is done," he said to no one in particular, as no one was in the hall with him. Then he paused and said, "Okay, now, that picture of the Aflac duck in a threesome is just gonna haunt me for the rest of my life."
finis