Survivor 20XX
bibidi-babadi-buu
*as the camera once again sweeps over Iwannamilliondollar Island, loud music can be heard as the camera approaches Central HQ. VERY loud music. Very loud 80's party music. Upon entering HQ, we find Indy and Sailor Saturn dancing up a storm to Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Round (Like A Record). Protoman is sitting on the couch, making a face.*
Indy and Saturn: *singing karaoke* You spin me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby, right round round round...
Proto: Note to self. Karaoke is Japanese for 'tone deaf.' *to Indy and Saturn* Hey guys... *gestures to camera*
Indy: Oh, YEAH! *turns music down* Hey, there! Welcome back to the island! I crushingly hug you, O faithful viewer! First off, I'd like to point out that my scrumdiddlyumptious co-host, Protoman, has made a glorious full recovery from, well, one hell of a shock he had last week. I know you're just as happy to have him back as we are.
Voice from somewhere: Boo! Proto's a schmuck! Boo!
Indy: *looking around* Humph. Wonder who that was.
Proto: *kicking back, sighing happily* I don't really care. I'm in a great mood, and I'm all ready to do the show again.
Indy: *smirking* Yeah, therapy'll do that to ya. Anyway, all mystery jerk-heads aside, we're all happy to have Proto back. *Saturn and Indy hug Proto whilst saying 'Awwwww!'* And on that note, on with the...
*suddenly, a siren goes off throughout Central. Chibi-Moon bursts into the common room, panting and slightly roughed up.*
Chibi: Indy! Proto! Hotaru! There's a...
Saturn: *quietly, through her teeth* Rini! Ix-nay on the Otaru-hay!
Chibi: Oh. Sorry. Indy! Proto! Sailor Saturn! There's a big problem in the Time Travel Department! Hurry, come with me!
*the gang hurries to the Time Travel Dept., and upon arriving, see the place in a shambles and Sailor Pluto, the Grand Pooh-Bah of Time Travel, bound and gagged on the floor, with her staff broken over her head.*
All: SATURN!
Indy: You had a guy over? Geez, I didn't know you were into that sort of...
All: INDY!!!
Indy: Sorry, sorry!
*carefully, the gang unties Sailor Pluto, who shakily stands up, rubbing a large bump on her head.*
S. Pluto: Owww. *groans* Thanks, guys.
Proto: What happened here, Pluto?
S. Pluto: Well, I was about to send Sigma back to his time. Everything was going fine, until I started to open the Time Warp.
*Indy starts humming 'The Time Warp', Proto shoots her a 'Don't Even Start' glare*
S. Pluto: I started to open the warp, when suddenly Sigma lashed out at me, snatched the staff from my hands, and hit me over the head with it. When I woke up, I was tied up here.
Chibi: I tried to use my Pink Sugar Heart Attack... *looks down* But he just laughed and knocked me over as he ran out. He's somewhere on the island, guys!
All: *gulp*
Indy: Ummm... heh heh... It seems, folks, that we've got a bit of a situation. *dashes to control panel, talks into mic* Ummm... attention all Survivors. This is your Islandmaster. We have a problem... Sigma is loose somewhere on the island. Now, we don't want to lose any ratings or anything, so the game will continue as scheduled... just be a bit extra careful out there, OK? Over and out.
*mass gasps, groans, and whimpers throughout the island*
X: *clearly audible from any point on the island* WE'RE ALL DOOMED!
Indy: Heh heh... in any case, all genocidal psychopaths aside, last time on the Mega Tribe's side of the island, Bass was voted off the island after a wild turn of events involving...
Proto: *twitching violently* Um, Indy, could you please, as a personal favor to me, skip that part of the recap?
Indy: *looking at her partner in a concerned fashion* Uh, yeah. Sure, buddy. *to camera* Anyway, let's just say that Bass was voted off the island last time after certain... complications arose.
Proto: *smiling* Thanks, Indy. You're a real pal. *slips Indy a manila envelope* Open it later.
Indy: *sparkly eyes* Okee! *to camera* So, without further adieu, let's go to the Mega tribe!
*over on the East side, the Mega tribe is all huddled up around the fire, terrified of Sigma. Well... almost all of them.*
Wily: *lounging in his hammock as per usual, looking with disgust at the frightened robots* Come on. I'd expect this kind of behavior from Mega Man and his sister, but not you three. Tengu! Pluto! Plant Man! Where are your guts? We've nothing to fear from Sigma.
Plant: But...but... he's a killer, sir!
Pluto: He HATES us 'lesser models'! And he hates you humans even more!
Tengu: I'm too GORGEOUS to die!
Mega: *looking up suspiciously* And how would YOU know that we don't have anything to fear from Sigma? Do you know something we don't, Wily?
Wily: Of course not, blue dweeb. He... just dosen't seem like such a bad guy, that's all.
Mega: *stretching out by the fire* Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you?
Roll: *getting up, brushing the wrinkles out of her skirt* I'm going into the jungle for some fruit. Be back soon.
Mega: *sitting up* Into the jungle ALONE? Sigma could be in there! Let me go with you.
Roll: *smiling* I'm not afraid. I can take care of myself, big brother. *kisses his cheek, grabs a basket, heads into the jungle*
Mega: *calling after her* Be careful!
*Roll goes into the jungle, and fills her basket with coconuts, papayas, mangoes, and other jungle fruits. As she works, she is unaware of a crunching of tree branches, the presence of someone else. Suddenly, she realizes she is not alone, gasps, and whirls around to face...*
Roll: *breaking into a huge smile* BASS!
Bass: In the titanium flesh. *raises a finger to his lips* Ssh. If they find me here, I'll be in a lot of trouble. *shakes his finger, tsks quietly* Little girl, you shouldn't be out here alone. Who KNOWS what kind of lunatics you might run into?
Roll: *giggling, hugging Bass tight* What kind, indeed? I'm glad to see you, tho. I missed you.
Bass: Well, darlin', isn't that a co-inky-dink. I missed you, too. That's why I'm here. *grins wolfishly* So, baby, shall we shag now or shag later?
Roll: *smirking, setting her basket down* Um, let's see... now's good.
*Back at camp...*
Pluto: *sharpening his claws on a rock, stops suddenly and perks up his ears* Hey guys, do you hear a...
All: *glaring at Pluto, still remembering the results of the last wild goose chase that he led them on* DON'T START.
Pluto: Okay, okay. *rolls eyes* Sheesh. *goes back to sharpening his claws*
*camera cuts back to HQ*
Indy: *purposefully ignoring the Bass thing for Proto's sanity's sake* Hmm. Not much tonight in the way of activity. Everybody's scared to death of Sigma... except Roll. What a brave girl. She's not worried about Sigma at all. After all, she's got other things on her mind. *winks at camera*
Proto: *looking suspiciously at Indy* Other things like what? Is there something I should know?
Indy: *defensively* Of course not! I simply meant that she...um... has a big responsibility, gathering fruit and all that for the whole tribe.
Proto: *smiling proudly* Yup! That's my sis! Never afraid of extra responsibility!
Indy: *cackling to herself* Nope, she sure isn't... Okay, folks, when we return, we'll see how the X tribe is dealing with the Sigma crisis. Sooo, keep your derrière in your chairy-air, 'cuz we'll be right back!
*commercial break. Ads for RFWF- the reigning kings of parody, George W. Bush- thank you for voting early and often, Amp- Read her stuff 'cuz she kicks arse, plug for 'Dude, Where's My Car?', and the mandatory invitation to 'come to the mountains of Busch.'*
*cut back to Central HQ. Indy is somersaulting gleefully about the common room, Saturn is giggling, and Proto is standing with his arms folded in his usual manner, looking pleased with himself.*
Indy: WHEEEE! Welcome back to Survivor 20XX! Over the break, I opened the envelope Proto gave me... and it's the Gundam Wing manga that he stole from me ages ago! He gave it back! He's such a SWEEEETIEEEEE....
Proto: *blush* Well, no problem. Just... know when and when not to read it, m'kay?
Indy: *nodnod* Okee. Anywho, for the latest on the Sigma situation, let's go to our eyes in the sky, Za, Omega, and Gyro Man in the Rateater 1.
Proto: *confused* We have a helicopter?
Indy: Duh! We've had it since day 1, remember?
Proto: Oh, yeah. I wonder if we've been paying the copter crew....
*cut to the inside of the VERY posh Rateater 1.*
Za: Thankees, Indy! No, we haven't been getting paid, but Indy's been keeping us well stocked with supplies to say the least...
Omega: *slurred, obviously hammered* Yeah, where's our dough, you cheap-ass little....
Za: *breaking in* That would be the side effect to all the Mike's that Indy sent up. Anywho, we're circling the island relatively lowly, trying to see if we can catch a glimpse of the renegade Sigma. It's doubtful, seeing as there's plenty of cover down there, but we'll try our best to... OMEGA! Get out of the hot tub!
Omega: *splashing, fully clothed in decidedly non-swimwear attire* I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!
Za: *sweatdrop* Um, back to you, Indy.
*back at HQ, everyone in range is glaring reproachfully at Indy*
Indy: WHAT?
Proto: Remind me to have a loooong heart-to-heart with you about the evils of alcohol.
Indy: *sighs* I'm a bad, bad girl. *to camera, brightly* Now let's go over to the West Side to see what the X tribe is up to. Last time, if you'll recall, a botched Immunity Challenge led to the untimely demise of Toxic Seahorse, and thanks to Sigma could have lead to X's demise as well. But X is a clever little fellow, so he's just fine. *shows clip from last time of X's triumphant return from the Swamp of Doom, bearing a dead crocodile* That bit of courage on X's part, adding to the fact that Sigma pushed him into the swamp in the first place, resulted in Sigma's exile. So without further hoopla, here we are now going to the West Side!
*camera cuts to the X tribe's camp. Vile is sitting on a large sand dune near the beach, where he has an excellent vantage point of anyplace someone might enter the campsite through the jungle. As he keeps watch, the other surviving members of the X tribe prepare for their evening meal.*
X: Oh, shoot. I'm out of coconuts. I need to go and get more.
Zero: Not alone, you're not. Sigma wants to kill you most of all. I say if we need to go in there, we all go together.
Crystal: Sounds fair to me.
Colonel: Vile, stay here and guard the camp. If anything that isn't us comes out of that jungle, blast the crap out of it. Understand?
Vile: *snappily saluting* Yessir, Colonel, sir!
*and so, the four members of the X tribe venture forth into the deep, dark jungle. After searching for a while, they come upon a small coconut grove- just what they were searching for. Climbing up the trees easily, X (borrowing Colonel's beam sabre) and Zero carefully slash down all the best fruits while Colonel and Crystal catch them in baskets. The four are enjoying themselves- so much so that they don't notice an ominous figure creeping nearer... nearer... until finally!*
Sigma: *bursting from the underbrush and snarling terribly at X* YOUR LIFE IS MINE, BOY!
All: OH, SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
*The four run like mad, with Sigma gaining hot pursuit. Unable to keep up, Crystal does what he always does in panicky situations- withdraws into his impenetrable shell and waits for the danger to go away, while rolling the shell after the others as best he can. Soon, the four find that they're running (and rolling) right to camp. Frantically, they yell to Vile for assistance.*
Vile: *looking to the woods, seeing what's coming* Oh, CRAP. Crap crap crap crap craaaapppp... *suddenly seized by an epiphany of inspiration, Vile grits his teeth and fires his shoulder gun at some trees. These fall and make a heavy wooden wall that will perfectly succeed in keeping Sigma out... however, it also does a good job at keeping the other tribesmen out.*
Zero: *reaching the wall* Oh, shit. VILE! VILE, LET US IN!
Colonel: No time for that! Come on, then, we need to get through this wall!
*while X and Crystal use their X-Buster and Shell Roll attacks to keep Sigma at bay, Colonel and Zero slash furiously at the wall. Finally, they have a hole big enough to slip through.*
Zero: COME ON, GUYS! HURRY, HURRY!
*the Tribe slips through, and Colonel uses a large loose log to seal the hole in the wall.*
Sigma: *from other side* I'll get you! I'll get you when you least expect it!
Vile: *approaching the tribe nervously* Uh, guys? You OK?
All: *panting, downright nasty glares at Vile*
Vile: *chuckling nervously* What?
*camera cuts back to Central HQ*
Indy: Well, there you have it. The X tribe nearly escapes being Sigma's victims... no thanks to Vile, who I must say deserves the Golden Chicken award for that grade-A display of cowardice and abandonment of one's friends.
Proto: I'll second that.
Saturn: No arguments here.
Indy: Yeah. Well, after the break, the voting commences! Who will stay and who will go?
Saturn: *cough* Vile. *cough* Excuse me. It's a tad dry in here. *drinks a Mike's*
Indy: Most agreeable coughing fit I ever heard. Well, keep your heiner in the recliner, 'cuz Survivor 20XX will be right back!
*Commercial break. Ads for Mike's Hard Lemonade- the cast of Survivor 20XX gets wasted off of it, you should, too!, Comedy Central's Battlebots- really awesome gratuitous destruction, Mega Man X5- whoops Majora's Mask in the tucas, one of those really nifty 'Truth' ads (the one with the bodybags being piled up around the Philip-Morris building), and a plug for the upcoming WWF pay-per-view.*
*cut to the Mega tribe meeting site, where Protoman is preparing to conduct the evening's vote.*
Proto: Wait a second, where's Roll?
Pluto: Hasn't she come back yet, Mega?
Mega: *wringing his hands worriedly* I hope nothing happened to her...
Proto: *narrowing his eyes... maybe* Nothing had BETTER have happened to her.
Roll: *bounding in with two VERY full fruit baskets* Sorry I'm late, guys! Took me a while to find what I needed.
Mega: *tilting his head slightly* You're all sweaty...
Roll: It's hot.
Tengu: Your dress is ripped...
Roll: I caught it on a snagger bush. *narrows eyes* Are you guys insinuating something?
All: No! Of course not!
Proto: *sighing* Okay, okay. Now that we're all accounted for, can we get on with the voting, please?
*the tribe comes forward one by one and casts their votes.*
Proto: Okay, let's see... Mega Man. Wily. Wily. Tengu. Wily. Pluto. Wily, come forward.
*Dr. Wily comes forward, none too happy.*
Wily: Which one of you three was it? Huh? I'll find out and make you pay! I swear to it, I will!
Proto: Dr. Albert Wily, you have been voted to leave the island. *puts out Wily's torch* The tribe has spoken.
Wily: *curses, trudges off towards the dock*
Proto: Hey, just between us, which one of you three Wilybots voted for Wily?
Plant: Guilty. *chuckling* His Godawful snoring was driving me crazy.
All: *laugh*
*camera cuts over to the X tribe meeting place. Colonel, Zero, X, and Crystal are sitting close together, far away from Vile. After all, there are certain things that a group of people can't do without becoming closer friends, and fighting off and narrowly escaping a crazed maniac is one of them. Plus, they all hate Vile's guts.*
Indy: Guys, I'd like to commend you on escaping Sigma using the awesome force of teamwork. Together, there's nothing you can't accomplish. *turns to Vile* As for you, Vile... *tucks her hands into her armpits and waves her elbows like wings, makes chicken noises. The others follow suit.*
Vile: *hangs head in shame* Come on, guys...
X tribe: SHUT UP!
Indy: Look, I think we all know how the vote's going to turn out. Why don't we save time and just kick Vile's butt off the island?
X tribe: YEAH!
Vile: But that's against the rules...
Indy: *malevolently* I AM THE ISLANDMASTER! I MAKE THE RULES!
Saturn: *over Central's PA system* WHOOHOO! YOU GO, GIRL!
*whistling 'Heigh-Ho', the four members of the X tribe each grab one of Vile's limbs, pick him up, walk to the dock, and heave-ho him right into the ocean.*
Indy: *nodding* THAT was a beautiful thing. Well, a nice, productive evening here on Iwannamilliondollar, with two big heels, Wily and Vile, getting the boot. 'Till next time, this is Indigo X for Protoman and Sailor Saturn, saying that Ice Blue X's mom works for the phone company, so beware of prank calls from Canada! Peace out!
*camera fades out, catching some audio of Vile crying out that he can't swim*
bibidi-babadi-buu
*as the camera once again sweeps over Iwannamilliondollar Island, loud music can be heard as the camera approaches Central HQ. VERY loud music. Very loud 80's party music. Upon entering HQ, we find Indy and Sailor Saturn dancing up a storm to Dead or Alive's You Spin Me Round (Like A Record). Protoman is sitting on the couch, making a face.*
Indy and Saturn: *singing karaoke* You spin me right round, baby, right round like a record, baby, right round round round...
Proto: Note to self. Karaoke is Japanese for 'tone deaf.' *to Indy and Saturn* Hey guys... *gestures to camera*
Indy: Oh, YEAH! *turns music down* Hey, there! Welcome back to the island! I crushingly hug you, O faithful viewer! First off, I'd like to point out that my scrumdiddlyumptious co-host, Protoman, has made a glorious full recovery from, well, one hell of a shock he had last week. I know you're just as happy to have him back as we are.
Voice from somewhere: Boo! Proto's a schmuck! Boo!
Indy: *looking around* Humph. Wonder who that was.
Proto: *kicking back, sighing happily* I don't really care. I'm in a great mood, and I'm all ready to do the show again.
Indy: *smirking* Yeah, therapy'll do that to ya. Anyway, all mystery jerk-heads aside, we're all happy to have Proto back. *Saturn and Indy hug Proto whilst saying 'Awwwww!'* And on that note, on with the...
*suddenly, a siren goes off throughout Central. Chibi-Moon bursts into the common room, panting and slightly roughed up.*
Chibi: Indy! Proto! Hotaru! There's a...
Saturn: *quietly, through her teeth* Rini! Ix-nay on the Otaru-hay!
Chibi: Oh. Sorry. Indy! Proto! Sailor Saturn! There's a big problem in the Time Travel Department! Hurry, come with me!
*the gang hurries to the Time Travel Dept., and upon arriving, see the place in a shambles and Sailor Pluto, the Grand Pooh-Bah of Time Travel, bound and gagged on the floor, with her staff broken over her head.*
All: SATURN!
Indy: You had a guy over? Geez, I didn't know you were into that sort of...
All: INDY!!!
Indy: Sorry, sorry!
*carefully, the gang unties Sailor Pluto, who shakily stands up, rubbing a large bump on her head.*
S. Pluto: Owww. *groans* Thanks, guys.
Proto: What happened here, Pluto?
S. Pluto: Well, I was about to send Sigma back to his time. Everything was going fine, until I started to open the Time Warp.
*Indy starts humming 'The Time Warp', Proto shoots her a 'Don't Even Start' glare*
S. Pluto: I started to open the warp, when suddenly Sigma lashed out at me, snatched the staff from my hands, and hit me over the head with it. When I woke up, I was tied up here.
Chibi: I tried to use my Pink Sugar Heart Attack... *looks down* But he just laughed and knocked me over as he ran out. He's somewhere on the island, guys!
All: *gulp*
Indy: Ummm... heh heh... It seems, folks, that we've got a bit of a situation. *dashes to control panel, talks into mic* Ummm... attention all Survivors. This is your Islandmaster. We have a problem... Sigma is loose somewhere on the island. Now, we don't want to lose any ratings or anything, so the game will continue as scheduled... just be a bit extra careful out there, OK? Over and out.
*mass gasps, groans, and whimpers throughout the island*
X: *clearly audible from any point on the island* WE'RE ALL DOOMED!
Indy: Heh heh... in any case, all genocidal psychopaths aside, last time on the Mega Tribe's side of the island, Bass was voted off the island after a wild turn of events involving...
Proto: *twitching violently* Um, Indy, could you please, as a personal favor to me, skip that part of the recap?
Indy: *looking at her partner in a concerned fashion* Uh, yeah. Sure, buddy. *to camera* Anyway, let's just say that Bass was voted off the island last time after certain... complications arose.
Proto: *smiling* Thanks, Indy. You're a real pal. *slips Indy a manila envelope* Open it later.
Indy: *sparkly eyes* Okee! *to camera* So, without further adieu, let's go to the Mega tribe!
*over on the East side, the Mega tribe is all huddled up around the fire, terrified of Sigma. Well... almost all of them.*
Wily: *lounging in his hammock as per usual, looking with disgust at the frightened robots* Come on. I'd expect this kind of behavior from Mega Man and his sister, but not you three. Tengu! Pluto! Plant Man! Where are your guts? We've nothing to fear from Sigma.
Plant: But...but... he's a killer, sir!
Pluto: He HATES us 'lesser models'! And he hates you humans even more!
Tengu: I'm too GORGEOUS to die!
Mega: *looking up suspiciously* And how would YOU know that we don't have anything to fear from Sigma? Do you know something we don't, Wily?
Wily: Of course not, blue dweeb. He... just dosen't seem like such a bad guy, that's all.
Mega: *stretching out by the fire* Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you?
Roll: *getting up, brushing the wrinkles out of her skirt* I'm going into the jungle for some fruit. Be back soon.
Mega: *sitting up* Into the jungle ALONE? Sigma could be in there! Let me go with you.
Roll: *smiling* I'm not afraid. I can take care of myself, big brother. *kisses his cheek, grabs a basket, heads into the jungle*
Mega: *calling after her* Be careful!
*Roll goes into the jungle, and fills her basket with coconuts, papayas, mangoes, and other jungle fruits. As she works, she is unaware of a crunching of tree branches, the presence of someone else. Suddenly, she realizes she is not alone, gasps, and whirls around to face...*
Roll: *breaking into a huge smile* BASS!
Bass: In the titanium flesh. *raises a finger to his lips* Ssh. If they find me here, I'll be in a lot of trouble. *shakes his finger, tsks quietly* Little girl, you shouldn't be out here alone. Who KNOWS what kind of lunatics you might run into?
Roll: *giggling, hugging Bass tight* What kind, indeed? I'm glad to see you, tho. I missed you.
Bass: Well, darlin', isn't that a co-inky-dink. I missed you, too. That's why I'm here. *grins wolfishly* So, baby, shall we shag now or shag later?
Roll: *smirking, setting her basket down* Um, let's see... now's good.
*Back at camp...*
Pluto: *sharpening his claws on a rock, stops suddenly and perks up his ears* Hey guys, do you hear a...
All: *glaring at Pluto, still remembering the results of the last wild goose chase that he led them on* DON'T START.
Pluto: Okay, okay. *rolls eyes* Sheesh. *goes back to sharpening his claws*
*camera cuts back to HQ*
Indy: *purposefully ignoring the Bass thing for Proto's sanity's sake* Hmm. Not much tonight in the way of activity. Everybody's scared to death of Sigma... except Roll. What a brave girl. She's not worried about Sigma at all. After all, she's got other things on her mind. *winks at camera*
Proto: *looking suspiciously at Indy* Other things like what? Is there something I should know?
Indy: *defensively* Of course not! I simply meant that she...um... has a big responsibility, gathering fruit and all that for the whole tribe.
Proto: *smiling proudly* Yup! That's my sis! Never afraid of extra responsibility!
Indy: *cackling to herself* Nope, she sure isn't... Okay, folks, when we return, we'll see how the X tribe is dealing with the Sigma crisis. Sooo, keep your derrière in your chairy-air, 'cuz we'll be right back!
*commercial break. Ads for RFWF- the reigning kings of parody, George W. Bush- thank you for voting early and often, Amp- Read her stuff 'cuz she kicks arse, plug for 'Dude, Where's My Car?', and the mandatory invitation to 'come to the mountains of Busch.'*
*cut back to Central HQ. Indy is somersaulting gleefully about the common room, Saturn is giggling, and Proto is standing with his arms folded in his usual manner, looking pleased with himself.*
Indy: WHEEEE! Welcome back to Survivor 20XX! Over the break, I opened the envelope Proto gave me... and it's the Gundam Wing manga that he stole from me ages ago! He gave it back! He's such a SWEEEETIEEEEE....
Proto: *blush* Well, no problem. Just... know when and when not to read it, m'kay?
Indy: *nodnod* Okee. Anywho, for the latest on the Sigma situation, let's go to our eyes in the sky, Za, Omega, and Gyro Man in the Rateater 1.
Proto: *confused* We have a helicopter?
Indy: Duh! We've had it since day 1, remember?
Proto: Oh, yeah. I wonder if we've been paying the copter crew....
*cut to the inside of the VERY posh Rateater 1.*
Za: Thankees, Indy! No, we haven't been getting paid, but Indy's been keeping us well stocked with supplies to say the least...
Omega: *slurred, obviously hammered* Yeah, where's our dough, you cheap-ass little....
Za: *breaking in* That would be the side effect to all the Mike's that Indy sent up. Anywho, we're circling the island relatively lowly, trying to see if we can catch a glimpse of the renegade Sigma. It's doubtful, seeing as there's plenty of cover down there, but we'll try our best to... OMEGA! Get out of the hot tub!
Omega: *splashing, fully clothed in decidedly non-swimwear attire* I AM THE LIZARD QUEEN!
Za: *sweatdrop* Um, back to you, Indy.
*back at HQ, everyone in range is glaring reproachfully at Indy*
Indy: WHAT?
Proto: Remind me to have a loooong heart-to-heart with you about the evils of alcohol.
Indy: *sighs* I'm a bad, bad girl. *to camera, brightly* Now let's go over to the West Side to see what the X tribe is up to. Last time, if you'll recall, a botched Immunity Challenge led to the untimely demise of Toxic Seahorse, and thanks to Sigma could have lead to X's demise as well. But X is a clever little fellow, so he's just fine. *shows clip from last time of X's triumphant return from the Swamp of Doom, bearing a dead crocodile* That bit of courage on X's part, adding to the fact that Sigma pushed him into the swamp in the first place, resulted in Sigma's exile. So without further hoopla, here we are now going to the West Side!
*camera cuts to the X tribe's camp. Vile is sitting on a large sand dune near the beach, where he has an excellent vantage point of anyplace someone might enter the campsite through the jungle. As he keeps watch, the other surviving members of the X tribe prepare for their evening meal.*
X: Oh, shoot. I'm out of coconuts. I need to go and get more.
Zero: Not alone, you're not. Sigma wants to kill you most of all. I say if we need to go in there, we all go together.
Crystal: Sounds fair to me.
Colonel: Vile, stay here and guard the camp. If anything that isn't us comes out of that jungle, blast the crap out of it. Understand?
Vile: *snappily saluting* Yessir, Colonel, sir!
*and so, the four members of the X tribe venture forth into the deep, dark jungle. After searching for a while, they come upon a small coconut grove- just what they were searching for. Climbing up the trees easily, X (borrowing Colonel's beam sabre) and Zero carefully slash down all the best fruits while Colonel and Crystal catch them in baskets. The four are enjoying themselves- so much so that they don't notice an ominous figure creeping nearer... nearer... until finally!*
Sigma: *bursting from the underbrush and snarling terribly at X* YOUR LIFE IS MINE, BOY!
All: OH, SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
*The four run like mad, with Sigma gaining hot pursuit. Unable to keep up, Crystal does what he always does in panicky situations- withdraws into his impenetrable shell and waits for the danger to go away, while rolling the shell after the others as best he can. Soon, the four find that they're running (and rolling) right to camp. Frantically, they yell to Vile for assistance.*
Vile: *looking to the woods, seeing what's coming* Oh, CRAP. Crap crap crap crap craaaapppp... *suddenly seized by an epiphany of inspiration, Vile grits his teeth and fires his shoulder gun at some trees. These fall and make a heavy wooden wall that will perfectly succeed in keeping Sigma out... however, it also does a good job at keeping the other tribesmen out.*
Zero: *reaching the wall* Oh, shit. VILE! VILE, LET US IN!
Colonel: No time for that! Come on, then, we need to get through this wall!
*while X and Crystal use their X-Buster and Shell Roll attacks to keep Sigma at bay, Colonel and Zero slash furiously at the wall. Finally, they have a hole big enough to slip through.*
Zero: COME ON, GUYS! HURRY, HURRY!
*the Tribe slips through, and Colonel uses a large loose log to seal the hole in the wall.*
Sigma: *from other side* I'll get you! I'll get you when you least expect it!
Vile: *approaching the tribe nervously* Uh, guys? You OK?
All: *panting, downright nasty glares at Vile*
Vile: *chuckling nervously* What?
*camera cuts back to Central HQ*
Indy: Well, there you have it. The X tribe nearly escapes being Sigma's victims... no thanks to Vile, who I must say deserves the Golden Chicken award for that grade-A display of cowardice and abandonment of one's friends.
Proto: I'll second that.
Saturn: No arguments here.
Indy: Yeah. Well, after the break, the voting commences! Who will stay and who will go?
Saturn: *cough* Vile. *cough* Excuse me. It's a tad dry in here. *drinks a Mike's*
Indy: Most agreeable coughing fit I ever heard. Well, keep your heiner in the recliner, 'cuz Survivor 20XX will be right back!
*Commercial break. Ads for Mike's Hard Lemonade- the cast of Survivor 20XX gets wasted off of it, you should, too!, Comedy Central's Battlebots- really awesome gratuitous destruction, Mega Man X5- whoops Majora's Mask in the tucas, one of those really nifty 'Truth' ads (the one with the bodybags being piled up around the Philip-Morris building), and a plug for the upcoming WWF pay-per-view.*
*cut to the Mega tribe meeting site, where Protoman is preparing to conduct the evening's vote.*
Proto: Wait a second, where's Roll?
Pluto: Hasn't she come back yet, Mega?
Mega: *wringing his hands worriedly* I hope nothing happened to her...
Proto: *narrowing his eyes... maybe* Nothing had BETTER have happened to her.
Roll: *bounding in with two VERY full fruit baskets* Sorry I'm late, guys! Took me a while to find what I needed.
Mega: *tilting his head slightly* You're all sweaty...
Roll: It's hot.
Tengu: Your dress is ripped...
Roll: I caught it on a snagger bush. *narrows eyes* Are you guys insinuating something?
All: No! Of course not!
Proto: *sighing* Okay, okay. Now that we're all accounted for, can we get on with the voting, please?
*the tribe comes forward one by one and casts their votes.*
Proto: Okay, let's see... Mega Man. Wily. Wily. Tengu. Wily. Pluto. Wily, come forward.
*Dr. Wily comes forward, none too happy.*
Wily: Which one of you three was it? Huh? I'll find out and make you pay! I swear to it, I will!
Proto: Dr. Albert Wily, you have been voted to leave the island. *puts out Wily's torch* The tribe has spoken.
Wily: *curses, trudges off towards the dock*
Proto: Hey, just between us, which one of you three Wilybots voted for Wily?
Plant: Guilty. *chuckling* His Godawful snoring was driving me crazy.
All: *laugh*
*camera cuts over to the X tribe meeting place. Colonel, Zero, X, and Crystal are sitting close together, far away from Vile. After all, there are certain things that a group of people can't do without becoming closer friends, and fighting off and narrowly escaping a crazed maniac is one of them. Plus, they all hate Vile's guts.*
Indy: Guys, I'd like to commend you on escaping Sigma using the awesome force of teamwork. Together, there's nothing you can't accomplish. *turns to Vile* As for you, Vile... *tucks her hands into her armpits and waves her elbows like wings, makes chicken noises. The others follow suit.*
Vile: *hangs head in shame* Come on, guys...
X tribe: SHUT UP!
Indy: Look, I think we all know how the vote's going to turn out. Why don't we save time and just kick Vile's butt off the island?
X tribe: YEAH!
Vile: But that's against the rules...
Indy: *malevolently* I AM THE ISLANDMASTER! I MAKE THE RULES!
Saturn: *over Central's PA system* WHOOHOO! YOU GO, GIRL!
*whistling 'Heigh-Ho', the four members of the X tribe each grab one of Vile's limbs, pick him up, walk to the dock, and heave-ho him right into the ocean.*
Indy: *nodding* THAT was a beautiful thing. Well, a nice, productive evening here on Iwannamilliondollar, with two big heels, Wily and Vile, getting the boot. 'Till next time, this is Indigo X for Protoman and Sailor Saturn, saying that Ice Blue X's mom works for the phone company, so beware of prank calls from Canada! Peace out!
*camera fades out, catching some audio of Vile crying out that he can't swim*