Survivor 20XX
Fun-well done-hot dog bun-my sister's a nun
*the Survivor 20XX theme song, Garth Brooks' 'Two Pina Coladas', plays as the camera pans to Iwannamilliondollar's Central HQ. Inside, Indy is sitting by her CD player with a box of hankies. Sailor Saturn is sitting at the indigo colored Imac, obviously reading something hilarious. Protoman comes in wearing a pair of red and silver swim trunks, his bandanna, and a pair of Ray-Bans.*
Proto: Hey, girls, we got a show to do. Indy, what's the matter?
Indy: *sniffle* This song with Eminem and Dido... it's so terribly, terribly ironic... the poor guy went crazy because Em didn't write him, and Em's letter finally arrives- after he drives his car off a bridge with his pregnant girlfriend in the trunk. *blows her nose*
Proto: OhhhhKayyyy... and Saturn, what's so danged funny?
Saturn: Well, first off, the fact that you're wearing a bandanna around your neck while laying out on the beach- you're going to get a screwed up tanline, y'know. Secondly, have you READ this RFWF thing? It's HILARIOUS! A lot better that THIS two-bit parody, that's for sure.
Proto: Well, Mags, Black Draco, and the rest of the RFWF crew are paid professionals.
*at RFWF HQ...*
Mags: WTF?!? We get PAID?
BD: That's news to me.
*Vile walks in, everyone goes nuts, and he nods in satisfaction and walks out*
Mags: That was pointless as hell.
*back at Survivor 20XX's HQ...*
Proto: Okay, now that we have all the plugs and cameos out of the way...
Indy: *sniggers* Yeah, right.
Proto: Can we PLEASE get to the show?
Indy: Oh, Okay. Last time, we got rid of one evil scientist and one piece of purple chicken crap. The scientist went back home, and I do believe the chicken crap drowned.
Saturn: But... if Vile drowned... then how was he just... oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed.
Great Gazoo: *popping in* Silly dum-dum girl! You should know by now that Survivor 20XX makes absolutely no sense whatsoever! *pops out*
Indy: But the problem still remains that we have a psycho loose on the island who is driven by an insane thirst for vengance and blood and perhaps a Coke. We don't know where he is exactly, but we know he's not here at Central, because we're protected by a great big fence, and in case someone gets past the fence, we have a massive horde of attack Mets.
*outside, said Mets waddle around, looking as cute as all get out and as threatening as a daisy chain.*
Indy: And so, secure in the fact that the residents and guests of Central are perfectly safe, let's go to the Mega tribe's side of the island.
Vegeta: *who's been lounging on the couch this whole time* Yes, let's already!
*camera cuts to the Mega tribe camp, where only Pluto, Tengu, and Mega are present.*
Mega: I hope those two get back soon.
Tengu: Me, too. I'm famished.
*suddenly, a horrific scream rips through the jungle, followed by a crazed, evil laugh.*
Mega: *panicked* ROLL!!!
Pluto: *shaking his head sadly* Neh, Roll's fine, but I guess our bald crazy pal doesn't like flowers much. C'mon, let's go see if there's anything left to put together...
*the three trek through the jungle, and eventually come upon Sigma pulling at the petals on Plant Man's head, ripping them off. Plant Man himself is quite unoperational.*
Sigma: Let's see... she loves me, she loves me not. She loves me...
Tengu: Put the pansy down promptly, you putrid pussy!
Sigma: *chuckling darkly* Pathetic. *raises his Beam Sabre* And what are you antiques planning to do about it?
Roll: *runs in* Guys, I heard a scream! What the heck is going Oooooooh shit.
Sigma: How quaint. I just did away with a flower, now I get to rid myself of a little blue hero, a young girl, a... um... flying masked guy and a... a... *eyes Pluto, baffled* a... what in the HELL are you?
Mega: He's a space cat!
Roll: I thought he was a wolverine.
Tengu: He's obviously a polar bear!
Pluto: *slightly offended* Come ON! You guys don't even know what I am? Fine friends you are.
Sigma: *flustered* WHATEVER! I'm going to kill you all now anyway, so in a moment, it won't matter. *raises his sabre to Roll's throat* Ladies first.
Voice from behind: LIKE HELL! *three violet plasma shots burst from out of nowhere, singing Siggy's shoulder and causing him to drop the sabre*
Mega: What in the heck?
Bass: *stepping out of the brush* I've been a very bad boy. *smirk*
Roll: *giggling* Have you? *kissies*
Mega: OKAY, BREAK IT UP, YOU TWO! *pushes them apart* Bass, what are you doing here?
Bass: Saving your asses, it would appear, Blue Boy.
*Mega and Bass stare each other down, and things look like they might get ugly*
*cut back to HQ*
Indy: Ooh, close shave for the Mega tribe... poor Plant Man, tho. It's a real shame- he never did no harm to no one... eh, I need a drink. *shuffles barward*
Proto: WTF? Bass? He's not supposed to be here! He's... *looks behind him, sees Indy headed toward the bar* Indy, wait up!
*Indy walks into the Central HQ bar, a very classy joint with classy booze and a REALLY classy bartender.*
Indy: *sits on the bar* Lowell... I need some sauce...
Lowellius: *hurries in from the back* Sorry, Indies. *smooches her* What can I get you?
Indy: *giggles, tickles Lowell's chin* The usual'll be fine, sweetie.
Lowellius: *blush* Right away, Indy. *brings her an ice cold Mike's*
Proto: *standing at door, agape* What in the... INDY! Aren't you getting a bit too... friendly... with the bartender?
Indy: No, why? *to Lowell* How much do I owe you?
Lowellius: Nothing, of course. Little Indy's drinks are always free at my bar. ^^
Proto: *coughs in surprise* LITTLE Indy? What, are you pulling a Washu now?
Indy: Never mind, Proto. We've got to go to commercials now. *winks at Lowell* I'll see YOU later.
Lowellius: *starts polishing the bar, winks back* Right. See ya, you fine thing you.
*cut to commercials as Proto looks back and forth at Indy and Lowell*
*commercial break. Ads for Mega Man X5- The game that has the FDA's daily recommended allowance of explosions, Indigo X's Lost Decade- MM history gets a new chapter coming this summer, Lowellius' bar- pink haired chicks named Indy drink free everyday, and Budweiser- WAZZZUUUUUPPPPPP?*
*return to Central HQ. Indy's sitting by Vegeta on the couch, whittling something. Saturn's STILL reading RFWF and laughing hysterically, and Protoman has a baffled look on his face.*
Vegeta: What are you making?
Indy: An ocarina like Link's.
Vegeta: Why?
Indy: I dunno. Just want one, I guess.
Saturn: Heehee... Vile, you're the man.
Proto: WHAT IS IT WITH THAT BARTENDER?!? SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME!
Indy: *setting her ocarina-in-progress down* I think it's time to go to the X tribe's camp. We're just not all that interesting anymore. Go on. We'll be here when you get back.
*cut to the X- tribe's camp. X, Zero, and Colonel are playing a game of kick-the-snail. Crystal is curled up in his shell, being kicked about. Finally, Colonel boots him into a black colored goal.*
Colonel: HA! GOAL!
X: *marks down the point* You're good at this.
Crystal: *pokes his head out* Oy... how come I have to be the ball?
Zero: Because you're the only one of us that can curl and roll.
Crystal: Why can't we use a coconut or something?
Colonel: Because coconuts don't make that nifty squealing noise when we kick 'em.
Crystal: Oh. *curls back up, the game continues*
*cut back to Central HQ*
Proto: Well, that was a huge waste of time.
Indy: Yup. Sure was.
Saturn: Hey, after commercials, it's voting time. Maybe that'll be interesting.
Vegeta: Maybe.
Proto: What are you DOING here?
Vegeta: *shrugs* I have to be. The author has a crush on me.
Proto: Oh.
Indy: Well, after the break, it's voting time. And, our last chance today to actually be interesting. My gosh, our ratings are probably down the toilet by now...
*cut to commercial. Ads for Push It- the epic serial by Indy's muse Amp, Hannibal- take a bite out of crime and chase it with a fine wine, WWF No Way Out- see Austin kick HHH's sweet patootie, and 'Anything', Indigo X's WWF serial, being presentented at Mechadrake.com.*
*cut to the Mega tribe's meeting place. Roll is seated on Bass' lap, and the others are looking a bit skittish.*
Proto: Okay, gang. You know the drill. Let's make it good.
*the Mega tribe casts their votes.*
Proto: Okay, let's see... Tengu, Roll, Roll, and... Roll? Oh, boy. Roll, I'm sorry, but you're off. *puts out Roll's torch* The tribe has spoken.
Roll: No biggie. Bass can take me home.
Proto: OH, NO HE CAN'T. You're both heading home on separate boats.
Bass & Roll: *grumble*
*cut to the X tribe's side, where Indy has finally gotten the X tribe to stop playing kick-the-snail.*
Indy: Okay, the sooner the vote's over with, the sooner we can get back to your game... the remaining 3 of you, anyway.
*the X tribe votes.*
Indy: Okee... X, Crystal, Crystal, and Crystal.
Crystal: WHAT? How come, guys?
X: Eh, we were getting sick of playing kick-the-snail.
Crystal: Oh, okay.
Indy: Well, now that that's over, I guess I'll say goodbye by playing something on my new ocarina... *puts the ocarina to her lips and plays the New Wave Bossa Nova.*
*suddenly, the whole island starts to rumble and rise out of the ground until it's evident that Iwannamilliondollar Island is not an island at all, but a gargantuan turtle. The turtle lazily swims out to sea, away from the boats and further away from the mainland.*
Indy: Oh, crap.
*camera cuts off as the turtle swims further out*