DISCLAIMING THAT I NO OWN BUFFY OR SPIKE OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT SOMEONE ELSE DOES, BUT THE PIRES AND ATTENDANT GROUPS OF MEN (EXCLUDING THE CHARACTERS OWNED BY OTHERS) DO BELONG TO ME AND ARE ORIGINAL.
Last time we left the Pires they were happily doing something I am sure. Now once upon a Pire moment the Pires known as the michellepire and hooded peanutpire were happily sitting upon the ground. Now there was a moment in which the juliepire entered their minds but was soon forgotten as the juliepire had lately been no fun due to a nasty virus known as toadstoolbottom of the mushpond duck squeaking. So she slept a lot and had barely enough time to get around to "visiting" all the men. Anyway so as the two pires sat there a man came running out of the forest and ran smack into some chickidoodle who came running out of the forest in the opposite direction. Now normally this would be a common occurrence in Pire world, except that the michellepire and the hooded peanutpire had never seen the man before and the chickidoodle was not a Pire. Anyway so the Pires, being lazy creatures like all sensible mosses, decided it might be fun to sit back and enjoy what could possibly be a show. (Attention all readers, there will be graphic and horrifying violence in the next few moments, if you are unaware of this please keep reading, if you don't care please race madly about in circles like a grasshopper with one leg.) Suddenly the man-did I mention he was extremely hot-looked deep into the chickidoodle's eyes and said (great accent please): 'I love you Buffy.' Now Pires were confused and searched around with their eyeballs and listened with their earballs for the sacred and holy katydid eating dog Buffy but found nothing. Suddenly the juliepire woke up and murmured 'it's the chickidoodle.' before returning to her nap. Now the two Pires who were awake were mostly miffed as only great little doggies are allowed to be named Buffy. Anyway so the hot man standing there was obviously confused, because who could love a chickidoodle when a Pire was nearby? So the Pires arose from their oh so comfy pine needles and walked over. Now the hot man was saying to the chickidoodle that he realized she was a Slayer and killed vampires like him. The Pires gasped and stared at each other in shock and horror. You know in Pires world vampires are very rare creatures-there are Pires and vimpires and vamps, but no vampires –or at least not many. So yo the Pires looked at the chickidoodle for a moment then went into a heap/huddle. Meanwhile the Terumiwitch went flying over cackling madly. So then the chickidoodle was looking at the vampire strangely and told him that she was going to stake him. The Pires leaped out of their huddle with a rusty toothpick and a little pink sock with hole in the little toe. The proceeded to attack the chickidoodle and pull out all her hair on her head and place such hair in a bonfire which they danced around until being overcome by the fumes. Luckily before they expired of yucky smellness Lara Croft –the Pires good friend and exciting woman chick-drove up and snatched them from the brink of doom. The Pires explained-it only took two years-and Lara Croft said she would guard the sleeping juliepire from the evil chickidoodle. Anyway the yucky smell and the lack of hair on chickidoodle's head woke the vampire named Spike from his moment of stupidity of loving stupid chickidoodle with no hair and he immediately turned to give the Pires "mouth to mouth resuscitation." Anyway the hooded peanutpire noticed a problem, you see there were 2 Pires and only 1 vampire and these are not good odds. Now 2 vampires and 1 Pire… So the Pires began fighting over the Spike man but he-being very brave as well as foolish-waded into the fight and told them to wait. He disappeared into the trees and the pires sat and sat and sat and sat and fought over a limp noodle and sat and sat and rolled over a rock and sat and sat and were about to fight over the same noodle when he reappeared. He brought friends. There was not only Stupendous Spike, but Luscious Lestat, Lovely Louis, Awesome Armand (Interview with the Vampire men), Dangerous D, and Delicious Dracula (2000). Now these were much better odds so the Pires "sucked blood" and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Now the juliepire woke from her nap but saw nothing as she was turned toward the comforting warmth of a warthog. All of a sudden the chickidoodle came back with friends and stakes and fried chicken. The pires were infuriated and rushed up-getting staked a few times but stake are like acupuncture to a Pire- and the pires hopped on the chickidoodle the michellepire them proceeded to give her a makeover so the chickidoodle had no hair and was dressed in banana peels. Then the two Pires threw the chickidoodle and friends to the mango tree who wouldn't eat them so they fed them to the breadfruit tree who will eat anything.
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