Standard Disclaimer Apply.
IMPRESSIONS
It's funny how life is…Two years ago, I would never have thought that I would end like this. It's ironic really how I ended up marrying my enemy, the one that destroyed the little happiness that I had in this lifetime.
This man…no, this boy, besieged by his demons, his sanity hanging on a thread, had somehow intertwined his fate into mine. And here, I am, lying beside him. Both of us doomed, I guess. And no matter how I tried to hate him, I couldn't because I know that he carries with him all the guilt, and the pain that he had created.
Yet, I couldn't really forgive him. Sometimes, I want to shake him for his recklessness and stupidity. Oh, how this war had played with all our minds, destroying what little sanity that this nation had.
Though I can see that he tries so hard to fight for what is right, all I can see is bloodshed and goddamned stupidity. This idea of fighting for the future is the most absurd thing that I ever heard. For I believe in the past and the present. And what I see at present, are idiots fighting with goddamned stupid ideals losing slowly their sanity as I am.
Everyone is so enamoured with what they believe in, that they couldn't really see what reality is. This senseless war is the result of foolish people convinced that they could create the ideal world.
"Utopia," I scoffed at the word. For I know that this much bloodshed won't create the ideal future. For the blood that was spilt on this land is cursed. Yes, they maybe peace but happiness??? I doubt it. Happiness in this bloodied country will always be tinged with sadness for this country had lost what truly is important, which is the present.
Everyone is looking forward to the future and had closed their eyes to the present for their eyes are filled with visions of their glorious future. What future would this country have, if everyone doesn't care about what is happening today?
And Yes, I am one of them. A silly woman trying so hard to build my future that I had lost my grasp of the present. Picturing myself happy soon but the future can be so bleak when one doesn't enjoy the present because happiness is what we make of the present.
I again watch this boy that I had married as he slept. And as he sleeps, I can see that his nightmares still haunts him for he had not yet grasped what is really happening. He had been used as a weapon to destroy. Whatever beautiful words they had used to convince him is slowly deteriorating as he sees what he really is. A doomed murderer.
Oh, he may have tried convincing himself that it was the future he was fighting for but he knows that it is nothing but a lie. For he had made himself a demon with a conscience that is eating him alive.
I pity him for he is so much like me. Fighting for a future that I thought was taken from me and the truth was, I have also masked my reality. The future wasn't taken from me. It wasn't about him killing my fiancé, it had always been about me not even trying to fight what we had in the present and now it had become a part of the past…this happiness that I could have had.
Yes, I encased my heart in ice for coldness is good and the future no longer matters. And as I lie beside my enemy, I smiled as I watched him thrashing, fighting his demons. For I realized that I no longer belong to the future, his future. And Tomorrow, I would confront my past and my present and bid farewell to the future that I would never have.