Happy Week after the Premiere! I'm so grateful that for once in over a year, the show didn't disappoint our Surrera lovin' hearts. As if we needed any proof, Robert and Andy's chemistry is just as off the charts as it always has been. S6 is definitely looking up – xo, Ash.
"I just wanted my job back," Maya said callously to Andy as if that somehow justified her actions. She barely turned around and continued shuffling around the conference room.
Throwing her arms wide in amazement, Andy was nearly speechless. "Maya? Seriously. That's it?"
Finally straightening up to face what she knew was a disapproving gaze from her friend, Maya looked in Andy's direction. "What else is there to say?" She questioned with a shrug of her shoulders.
Confusion washed over Andy's face as she tried to make sense of Maya's words and behaviors. "Wanting your job back is one thing, blackmail is something entirely different." How could she not see that?
Maya took a breath before responding, but jutted her chin not intending to back down. "It was an impulse," She'd used that line before with Sullivan and now it seemed fitting again. It was true, blackmail hadn't been her best move, but she just felt so god damn desperate. She'd been left with no choice, but to play the cards she'd been dealt.
Andy ran frustrated hands across her face then clenched and unclenched them in front of her. "Running to the store at midnight for chocolate ice cream is an impulse. Texting your ex at 2am when you know you shouldn't is an impulse. Blackmail is a crime." Andy finally said firmly.
"I don't need a lecture." Maya quipped back. Attitude and audacity was thick in her voice. Andy had been a hot mess for months and only after her assault seemed to have a reckoning of sorts. She wasn't interested in a high and mighty act from her.
"No, not okay. It's not just a crime, Maya, it's so far beyond wrong." Andy talked with her hands, especially when she was passionate about something and this time was no different. "I mean hell, I always knew you were driven and ambitious... how you got captain wasn't exactly..." she wouldn't go down that rabbit trail today. "But this..." Andy struggled to find the words and reconcile how her friend, someone she thought she knew, could act this way.
"Look, was it a bad call?" Maya's shoulders raised again. At the rate she'd been shrugging things off lately, it felt like they could take up permanent residence there. "Probably. Am I sorry about it? No. Because that demotion wasn't fair and we both know it. If I'd been a man, I'd still have my job and there is nothing you could say to convince me otherwise." That was her truth and she was sticking to it.
Andy shook her head at Maya's logic. They had both been women in the SFD for years, taking the crap, talking about working their way up the ladder to finally be in a position to do things differently. Maya had gone and done the exact opposite. She'd stooped to their level... and against another woman no less.
Andy was still conflicted on Chief Ross. Initially she'd liked her a lot and was impressed by her, but she operated a lot like the old boys club and that didn't sit well with Andy. However, she did respect the work she knew it had taken for Ross to climb the ladder to her position as Chief.
"Unfair things happen on the job all the time, that doesn't mean you commit a crime and give your CHIEF an ultimatum," Andy's voice was raised as she tried to get Maya to see the error of her ways.
Maya rolled her eyes and stuck her hands in her pockets. "Guess we know where you stand." Her tone was dry and emotionless. She knew what Andy was saying was right, but she wasn't in the mood.
Andy took a step back. Maya's attitude was so dismissive. "What is that supposed to mean? I've been standing by you Maya. I haven't gone anywhere. I stormed the Chief's office with you. I had your back." Andy was yelling now, her own emotions beginning to get the best of her.
When Maya said nothing, Andy continued.
Seeing the hard set of Maya's jaw and the glint in her eye, Andy could see the conversation wasn't going to end well so she figured she may as well say what she really wanted to say.
Finding her breath she replied, "Not to mention, I blew up my marriage for you. Took your side over the man I loved." The anger and frustration couldn't be missed in Andy's voice.
She knew her statement wasn't entirely true, but there was some validity to it. Andy had immediately felt pulled between Robert and what the rest of the team would think about his actions. When she'd sided with Maya it felt like that is what had been expected of her.
"Don't you dare put that on me, Andy. I was a convenient excuse. You blew up your marriage for you. We both know you got married too fast and were looking for a way out." Maya's candor was shocking, like an electric jolt to the system.
Andy was seething at this point and rightfully so. "That is not true and you of all people should know it. You knew how I felt about Robert long before anyone else...and you used that information to get a job you hadn't earned." She needed to get out of there.
Nodding her head, Andy pivoted and moved to leave the conference room. Turning back she added, "I don't know what happened to you, but you are not the Maya Bishop that's been my friend for years and you sure as hell don't deserve to be captain."
Not giving Maya a chance to reply, Andy walked furiously towards the beanery. Blood pounded in her ears and her body tingled with rage. What Maya said was wrong on so many levels. She'd only taken a few steps in the hallway before running into a broad, familiar chest.
"Whoa," Robert said easily, as he reached for Andy's shoulders and helped her steady herself.
"Robert," She breathed. Guilt flitted across her face and she hoped against all hope that he hadn't overheard what Maya said. The look in his eyes told her that it was pointless though. It was there...barely, but it was there. Pain. And it instantly pricked at her heart.
"Uhmm, I..." Andy tried to find a quick block of thought to fill the awkward air between them, but luckily was saved by the bell.
"Ladder 19, Engine 19, Aid Car 19." Blared loudly through the firehouse. The two former lovers shared one more quick glance and both raced in the direction of the barn.
Hours later…
"Sleep is precious around here..." Andy said as she moved closer to the man holding up in front of the stove. Joggers and a station t-shirt accentuating his strong muscular build. The tea kettle was boiling and a single mug sat on the counter next to Robert. "Shouldn't you be trying to get some shut eye?" She asked lightly.
He looked over at the woman making her way into the beanery and took a deep breath. Andy donned her typical overnight uniform. Shorts, a tank and a zip up station hoodie. Her face was washed clean and curls hung loose around her shoulders. She would always be so damn beautiful to him.
Offering Andy a small smile, he responded. "Guess I could be asking you the same thing."
Andy shrugged her shoulders lightly. "Yeah..." Motioning to the tea kettle just barely beginning to whistle. "Enough for two?"
Wordlessly Robert nodded and reached into the cupboard to pull down another mug while Andy grabbed a tea bag from a nearby cabinet. "Some call, huh?" He figured small talk was the best recourse here. They'd responded to an apartment fire that had taken hours to put out.
Over the past six months they'd found their footing again as friends and while it wasn't delicate, he didn't want to rock the boat. He wasn't supposed to hear Andy and Maya's conversation but the door had been cracked and they were yelling. It didn't seem right to bring up something he wasn't the intended audience for.
"You don't have to do that." Andy replied gently as she watched Robert pour steaming water into both mugs.
"What?" Robert tried to play a little coy, but Andy was having none of it. She gave him a look with her eyes that said, "seriously". He chuckled a little, added honey to both of their teas and handed her a warm mug. "There's nothing to say." His shoulders raised slightly as he spoke.
Andy leaned against the counter across from him and really took in the sight of him. He was as handsome as the first time she'd laid eyes on him all those years ago. Despite life not being the easiest for him the past few years, you could barely tell. And these days especially... he seemed so much more happy and at peace.
"6 months you knew what she'd done and you didn't say anything." Andy said plainly.
There was no hurt in her voice, just confusion. She'd made it clear how disappointed she was with Robert's actions. Hell, it was the straw that broke the camel's back in their marriage. And while she knew her response was completely over the top, she still didn't like what he'd done. It was obvious she'd feel similarly with Maya.
"What difference would it have made?" Robert asked honestly, the warmth from his beverage cascading over him.
"Robert," Andy breathed and dragged out his name. Her head tilted to the side just slightly as she looked across at him. She wanted to say, of course it would have made a difference, but truthfully she didn't know that it would have.
The relaxed tone and tenor of Robert's voice couldn't be missed. It wasn't that he didn't care, there just wasn't a bunch of highly charged emotions connected to the situation anymore. At least not with Andy. "I figured the truth would come out eventually. It always does."
They stood in silence for a few moments, letting truths spoken and unspoken swirl between them. Managing to find friendship again after everything had been tricky but here they were. They'd never really unpacked how or why exactly things had gone wrong and since it was clear they weren't making any efforts to get back together romantically, there didn't seem to be a good reason for opening up Pandora's box.
"She wasn't totally wrong," Andy searched out Robert's eyes as she spoke. She knew Robert had heard what Maya said and though it wasn't required, she figured putting the cards on the table was better than avoiding it. "I did blow us up." She added.
Robert looked away briefly and took a measured breath before responding, internally acknowledging Andy's growth and his too. There was a time, they would have both avoided the hard, but necessary conversation. Now they were jumping into the deep end together. "Our marriage was a ticking time bomb. If it hadn't been that, it would've been something else."
It was a painful realization, but it was true. They'd stopped talking. After months of chaos, both of them just wanted things to be easy and so they'd bicker, smooth things over, but not fully resolve anything, enjoy great sex later and move on... but the pile of crap under the rug kept getting bigger and bigger.
"We never really talked about it," Andy said, breaking the silence. "You just gave me a pass...a big one and I never had to own my part or apologize. We just moved on."
"You don't have to now," Robert said soberly.
Andy had been a wreck at the end of their marriage. "I feel brittle, like a strong wind could break me." Her words spoken on inspection day haunted him for months after she was gone. She had been spiraling and it was apparent that she was angry at more than him. He was just a convenient target. There was a time he'd beat himself up for not doing more to help her, but he'd forgiven himself. There was no changing the past.
When she'd told him about sleeping with Beckett in such a cold, callous way, he knew her intention was to wound. You only respond that way to someone when you're in deep pain yourself. He also knew, just like he'd had to face his own demons, she would have to do the same. And thinking back on Andy's growth over the past six months, it seemed she had.
"But I want to." Andy said plainly. "You could've been awful to me like I was to you, but you weren't. You aren't. It's how I can be so sure that you're still one of the best humans I know."
"That means a lot coming from you." Her opinion had always mattered and the reassurance flooded Robert with a sense of peace.
They were still facing each other, leaning on opposite counters. Andy sat her mug down and shuffled her feet a bit as she gathered her internal courage.
Looking back up, she began. "I am sorry, Robert, for how I treated you. Leaving and not coming back. How I handled the divorce...just everything at the end." She wouldn't mention Beckett, but when she said 'everything' it was there. "I couldn't see past my own anger and you deserved better."
Empathy, warmth and compassion washed Robert as he took in her words. Hearing Andy drop her armor and say things, he'd given up the hope of ever being told felt surreal. It was then that he realized he'd been right. He didn't need them to really forgive her. He'd done that a long time ago.
"You didn't have better to give, Andy." Robert's tone was soft and laced with understanding.
"You don't have to make excuses for me." Andy felt stronger at this season of her life than she ever had. She was more secure in herself, flaws and all. She had learned that she didn't have to avoid so much because she was strong enough to face it. That made dropping her guard safe again and with Robert... it still felt so damn natural.
"Not excuses, just truth." They shared a meaningful gaze. "One of the things you learn in NA is that to make peace with your past, you have to give up the idea that it could have gone any differently or been any better. Just like I can't change how I handled myself after the injury and I've had to forgive myself for the pills, you have to do the same with us. You were doing the best you could."
Andy smiled wide at his explanation. "Wow... Look at you zen master. That's a very evolved perspective." They both chuckled at her comment. "I'm proud of you." The familiar warmth of friendship was again swirling between them.
"Thanks, I'm proud of me too." Robert was finally able to take pride in his recovery. See his journey as something that gave him a gift, new lessons, greater wisdom versus taking something from him. "It took longer than I thought it would to feel like myself again...and I do, but I also feel different. Better somehow, you know."
"Yeah... I get that." Andy said. "Like you finally stopped seeing the light at the end of the tunnel and now you've actually reached it."
Robert nodded and thought to himself just how amazing it was that with both of their defenses down, with an intention to just hear the other, their connection was so strong and they still understood each other so well.
"I'm still sorry," Andy reiterated. One thing she'd learned more clearly than ever before was that leadership was about taking responsibility. And before she could lead a team, she had to lead herself. She had to be able to admit when she messed up and with Robert she had. It had also been a doozy. "It's taken a long time for me too. Longer than it should have to be able to admit I was wrong, but I was."
"I forgave you a long time ago, Andy," Robert's tone was warm and genuine. "I think we were both spiraling in different ways and looking for something to hold onto. Instead of just being together, we were trying to fix things in each other and it..." his voice faltered as he searched for his words.
"...made our foundation weak." Andy filled in for him softly.
"Yeah..." Robert nodded his head. It was a bittersweet moment, the two of them were in. "It was real though. The love we shared was real."
He'd told her in the PRT that it was just bad timing. Not totally buying it when he said it, he also wasn't sure why they hadn't been able to figure things out when clearly they did love one another. It had to be that, right?
Andy wrung her hands in front of her, swallowed hard and took a calculated risk before making her next statement. "It's still real." She held Robert's gaze and they seemed to have a conversation without words.
Andy thought back to how Robert covered her body with his own to protect her during the twister and how so many times in the past 6 months she'd looked out for him on calls. "You good?" She would ask. Like maybe in some strange way she was still looking after him as a wife would. She wasn't sure, but one thing was clear…no matter what had gone wrong in their marriage, love would always be there with each other.
More silence stretched on between them and the hour drew later. They would both need to head to bed soon. Rest was a luxury in a fire house.
"So…you and Ross." Andy cringed inwardly as she said it. Somehow managing to keep her expression neutral. Or at least she thought she did.
"Why the face?" Robert chuckled. He wouldn't try denying it with Andy. She knew him, knew his tells and he'd seen the expression on her face as she'd come down the stairs the other night.
"What face? I didn't make a face." Andy shrugged her shoulders slightly and mentally berated herself for her inability to conceal her facial expressions. "Don't think I haven't noticed you deflecting."
Robert tilted his chin slightly and shuffled back and forth a bit in his spot. After taking a sip of his much cooler tea, he began. "We... have history. Served together in the marines, were close, had something back then that didn't last and when she got here we... explored."
Andy couldn't help the laughter that erupted from her and she slapped a hand over her mouth to catch it. It was the middle of the night and the ones who had sense were actually sleeping. "Explored." Her eyes rolled and when she caught Robert's gaze, she couldn't help the grin. "Aka hopped into bed long lost lover style."
Robert shook his head and attempted to be annoyed, but couldn't help his amusement at Andy's accuracy. They knew each other so well in many ways and he was deeply grateful that they had found a way to reconnect.
He'd missed their conversations and laughs. It had been nice to have that back again. Although...if he were being honest, he'd say what they had was definitely more than friendship.
"We tried to see if something was still there and if it could work. There was, but you know how impossible it is to..." Robert answered, but was interrupted.
"...have a relationship with your boss." Andy finished for him.
"Exactly." Robert said. That really always had been the issue for them. They could never seem to outrun the chain of command.
"So Maya wasn't totally off base." Andy said matter of factly. It was more a statement than a question, but still wasn't filled with heat or judgment.
"She had suspicions, but no proof. It was over before it ever really got started and Bishop... she was way outta pocket." Robert said firmly. "She's lucky to still have a job."
He had definitely found his inner zen master, but was tired of her pissy attitude and ready to not see her everyday around the firehouse. He'd accepted the consequences of his actions, taken his demotion even though it was unfairly harsh and worked hard everyday to earn back the team's trust. She had whined and complained about hers for nearly two years and done nothing to show she deserved to be back in command.
"Oh, I know." Andy said knowingly. She wasn't sure their friendship would recover from this. A line had been crossed that seemed hard to come back from. "For the record, I'm not judging you."
"I know." Robert said simply and he felt it.
"I'm glad...you're putting yourself out there. You're a catch. Someone will be lucky to claim you." Andy replied with a grin. He'd protected his heart for a long time, but after he'd let her in she saw it was big and he loved deeply. He deserved happiness.
"Glad?" Robert questioned with a smirk. "I saw your face on the stairs. It didn't look glad."
"Okay that could be a stretch..."Andy said with a chuckle. She didn't love the idea of thinking about him with other people. It was silly and irrational, but if she were being honest it was true. "But I do want you to be happy."
"You deserve that too." Robert countered. He glanced at the clock and noted the time. It was probably smart to at least try and get some sleep. "I'm gonna see if I can't catch some z's." Andy nodded as he opened the dishwasher and loaded his mug.
Watching Robert make his way out of the beanery a question struck her. "Hey, Robert?" She said quickly to get his attention. When he turned back she continued. "Did you ever think we'd get back here?"
"Where's here?" Robert replied, curious to see how she would categorize where they'd landed.
Once both of their tempers had cooled and their hurt feelings had been soothed, it seemed so easy to pick back up where they were. Easy banter that eventually led to important conversations and support which had been the foundation for their friendship and ultimately led them down the aisle.
Andy smiled and it reached her eyes as she thought about it. "Friends again."
She'd missed him. His calm to her crazy, his broader perspective to her sometimes impulsive, narrow ideas. The way he didn't judge her or intentionally make her feel wrong. When he'd done it before, it was something special and she'd appreciated it, but after who she'd been at the end of their marriage... how he was still able to do that now, was invaluable.
Robert grinned in that charming way he knew once made her weak in the knees. "We'll always be more than friends, Andy." Unable to resist putting a cherry on top of a statement he knew would send her mind into overdrive, he held her gaze and gave a quick wink. "Always." Seeing the reaction he'd been hoping for, he turned on his heel, smiled inwardly and whispered to himself. "Still got it."
"God damn him, "Andy thought to herself as a chill ran through her body at his words. He was nothing if not potent. Laughing to herself as she put her mug in the dishwasher. Andy wondered, would their interactions always have an undercurrent of heat running just below the surface? And if so... what did that mean for them?
Hope you enjoyed this oneshot that was supposed to be a drabble… 3800 words later, here we are. Let me know what you think!