A Long Time Coming
The three warriors (that is, two warriors and one warrior wanna-be) were walking down the road to Corinth. One was feeling a little bored at the silence of his companions, and he decided to start singing to pass the time."Joxer the Mighty"
He could see the look that passed between his companions. He knew what they thought of him and his theme song. If he didn't love Gabrielle so much and if Xena weren't capable of kicking his ass
"Hold up a second, Joxer. I see someone up ahead."
They waited until the figures were close enough to be identified. Their guards were let down when they saw it was just Hercules, Iolaus, and King Iphicles. The men hurried when they saw their friends waiting for them. Hercules and Iolaus came up and hugged Xena and Gabrielle, and Iphicles grasped their hands in warrior greetings.
"Hey, guys!" Joxer decided to make his presence known.
Hercules and Iolaus exchanged a glance, then turned to the uniquely dressed man. "Hi Joxer," they chimed.
"Joxer?" Iphicles looked him over with a strange look.
"Yes, Joxer the Mighty, also known as Bloody Joxer, at your service. And you might be?"
Iphicles looked at his brother who just lifted his shoulders. "I'm King Iphicles of Corinth."
"What a coincidence, we're heading that way right now."
The others began speaking again and Joxer felt mildly annoyed at being left out of the conversation.
All of a sudden, they were interrupted by a bright flash of light. There, in all her rose splendour, was Aphrodite holding a struggling Autolycus by the vest.
"Okay kiddies, this little thief says he knows you guys."
Hercules spoke up first. "What did he do now, Sis?"
"He tried to steal one of my prettiest necklaces. If he wanted to steal something, why doesn't he steal some of that grody fish they keep leaving me."
"But Autolycus doesn't like fish." They all turned to look at Joxer. "What?"
They were all distracted by yet another flash of light.
"Dite, I thought I told you to stay out of Sparta! They're my soldiers!"
"Oh, don't throw a connip Arry. That lieutenant needed a good lay and you know it."
Joxer looked over at his father's favourite God and noticed he wasn't wearing his usual boots, but brown bunny slippers. He immediately began laughing.
"What's so funny, mortal?"
"Bunny slippers?" He broke out laughing even harder.
"And? I was sleeping when I found out about Dite's little fix in Sparta. What of it? Damn, I shouldn't expect any better from YOU. You've got to be the most annoying mortal in Greece! I should have blasted you a while ago."
"Come on Arry," Dite interrupted him, "he's good for a few laughs. Did I ever tell you about what your grandson did?"
Gabrielle shook her head. "Please don't remind me! At least you two don't have to travel with him."
"That's for sure," Xena broke in. "Sometimes I wish he'd stayed dead on that repeating day."
"Well at least he doesn't go around chasing after you to be his sidekick!" Iolaus had to add in. "After I met that other Joxer, I have no idea why this one is so inept."
They all continued bickering over who was annoyed by Joxer the most. He looked on in shock. He couldn't move, couldn't speak. He could feel the rage rising inside him, threatening to spill over.
"SHUT UP!!!"
They all stopped and stared at the sound of his raised voice.
"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! You have got to be some of the most stuck-up, obnoxious hypocrites in the known world!"
Hercules tried to open his mouth to reply, but Joxer didn't let anyone get a word in edgewise.
"Look at you, Ares. All you ever do is go around interfering in other people's lives. Who cares who gets hurt as long as you get your way. The only reason you have any fighting skills is because you're a God. Without your powers, you'd be as weak as I am."
Aphrodite turned a smug look to her brother.
"And don't look so smug, miss Goddess of Love. Sometimes I think they must have switched you and Discord at birth. Gods know you've caused more trouble in people's love lives than anyone else."
"Now hold on here Joxer"
"Oh, can it Iolaus! You talk as if that other Joxer is better than me because he can fight better. Well, at least I haven't died yet. How many times has it been so far? I wonder what you do to convince Hades to let you out? I bet because he knows you won't give it up for him if you stay there permanently."
Hercules' jaw dropped in shock.
"And what about you? I've got news for you. We're all pretty sick of that holier than thou crap! You're just as bad as the rest of us. In fact you're probably worse because you deny it all the way!"
Gabrielle crossed her arms and harumphed.
"And speaking of holier than thou, look at little miss perfect there. You hit me with your stick, you pull on my nose, you put me through any amount of torture and I just let you because I love you. Do you think I get even a little bit of respect? NO! Well I've got news for you too. You're not worth it! At least not anymore!"
"Joxer, that's enough"
"Oh, I've just gotten started, Miss I've got many skills. You've got to be one of the biggest hypocrites here. For the Gods' sake, you treat your horse better than you do your friends. You work through intimidation and fight your way through any situation, and have the nerve to say you're oh so different from the Xena you used to be. Well, you aren't. Once a bitch, always a bitch!"
"Yeah." Autolycus made the mistake of nodding as he agreed with Joxer.
"And don't get me started, your highness. If it weren't for the fact that you were with me and Gabrielle, Jett would have killed you where you stood. But Gods forbid that should mean me getting a bit of respect from the King of Thieves.
"And speaking of kings, I don't know you that well Iphicles, but you're pretty stuck up for someone who obviously wasn't born to royalty since you're Hercules' brother.
"See, I'm not as clueless as everybody thinks I am. I see every look you pass behind my back. I hear every comment thrown about me. I just choose to ignore it because, hey, I thought you were my friends. I should have known better.
"For all I care, you can all go fuck yourselves."
Joxer turned on his heel and headed off down the road. The well-chastised group suddenly found the ground to be very interesting.
"He isn't right, is he?" Iolaus couldn't help but ask the question on everyone's mind.
"We were kind of mean, weren't we," Gabrielle said, looking as guilty as she felt.
"Well duh," Aphrodite said, loosening her grip on Autolycus.
"Well, what are we going to do about it?" Hercules said, looking quite remorseful.
"How 'bout I blast him to a million pieces."
"No Ares!" they all chorused.
* * *
Joxer could feel the tears streaming from his eyes as he walked away from his supposed friends. He'd finally done it, he'd said all the things he'd always fantasized about telling them. The problem was, he didn't feel any better. All he could feel was this hollow ache in his chest.
He stopped where he was and looked around him. There was no one around, no one to see him but the birds in the trees. He took his sword out of the scabbard his father had given him. He ran his hand along the length, cutting his finger in the process. He brought the bloody digit to his lips and licked away the red liquid. He looked at the sword, which was now marred by a small bloody trail where he'd cut his finger.
He held the sword by the hilt and turned it around so that it pointed at his stomach. He held it in place, taking a deep breath to steady his shaking hand enough to drive the blade into its destination.
"Joxer, NO!"
The unexpected sound shocked him so much he dropped the sword. Turning, he saw them all coming toward him, even Ares and Aphrodite. His legs were no longer able to take his weight, and he collapsed to the ground into a sobbing heap. The others hurried to his side, afraid they were too late.
Joxer found himself surrounded by more arms than he could count, and many voices apologizing and asking forgiveness. When Joxer's sobs subsided, they all pulled away slightly to give him some breathing room. That's when they noticed Ares standing off to the side. Aphrodite left Joxer's side to pull on Ares' arm.
"All right, all right. I'm sorry! There, I've said it. Now leave me alone." He disappeared in yet another flash of light. Aphrodite said her goodbyes then left in a similar fashion. The others got up and headed off to Corinth.
Iphicles arranged for rooms for all his guests, and everyone was anxious for sleep after the day they'd had. Joxer was impressed at how luxurious his room was. He removed all his armour and his clothing, then tucked himself into bed, blowing out the oil lamp on the nightstand. As he rolled over to try to get to sleep, he felt a familiar weight on the bed next to him.
"I'm still mad at you."
"Come on, Jox. You know I have a reputation to protect."
"That doesn't mean you have to be so enthusiastic about it."
"I said I was sorry."
Joxer made no response.
"You know, I was actually kind of impressed today. It took a lot of guts to say what you did."
"Or stupidity. At least it all turned out ok."
"As I said, I'm really sorry. You know how hard it is for me to say that."
"I know. The only reason it hurt so much is because I love you."
"I love you too. Now come over here."
"I'm just not in the mood tonight."
"Who said anything about that. I just want to sleep with you in my arms.
"Oh, all right." Joxer moved over and lay his head on the always familiar chest of his lover.
"Just promise me one thing Jox."
"Anything."
"Never make fun of my slippers again."
The End.