Deal
by
Disclaimer: I disclaim. I don't own anything. Melinda Metz and Jason Katims own all, the WB, Fox, maybe even UPN own some portion. I'm not them!
Author's Note: I think that Isabel didn't really deal with Alex's death in the show. So, what better time to handle it than... summer?
Summary: It's summer 2001, and though Alex was killed weeks ago, Isabel Evans hasn't had the time to process and deal with her grief. What will her summer be like?
Rating: By chapter.
Chapter Two--PG
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The Crashdown materializes before my eyes, and I immediately turn, searching for Alex in the busy restaurant. I find him, draped casually over the counter, laughing with Maria. She is ringing up a customer who has part of her attention, and listening to him halfway, I can see.
"Alex!" I call, and he looks over at me. He stops laughing, but the smile remains, so gloriously comfortable on his open, handsome face. He walks forwards, closer and closer until he's within reach and I take a step and fall into his arms.
I press my lips to his, and he responds in kind, pushing gently with his tongue against my lips. I open them eagerly, allowing him to explore the inside of my mouth with the kind of gentle, relaxed pace that he usually- used to- employ as a philosophy of life.
Retreating his tongue, he takes my lower lips between his teeth, and worries it gently. My knees are getting weak, and I slid into a booth, pulling him so that he's half-lying on me, and half- sitting in front of me. He pulls his lips from mine, and I'm about to complain, but then he re-latches them onto the sensitive skin on my neck. I moan gently.
And right then, Alex pulls away, a serious look suddenly in his deep, handsome eyes. "This is just a dream, Isabel. I'll still be gone when you wake up," My dream version of my dream boyfriend reminds me.
Tears spring to my eyes at the reminder, but I nod. "I just want to be with you, Alex. I know I shouldn't be here, I know it just makes it worse, but I can't help it! I can't live without you in my life somehow!" I plead.
He smiles gently, and plants a soft kiss on my lips. "It's okay, Isabel." He turns, and snuggles me against him, where I fold my long frame into a smaller shape that he can more easily cuddle. I love being in his arms in a way that I love no other place.
"Want to go somewhere more private?" He asks.
I look around, remembering our location. Because it's my dream, no one pays any attention in our direction, but still, in my head, the Crashdown is a public place, and it would be more comfortable to be out of it if we're going to talk, or kiss... or something else.
I close my eyes and concentrate, turning the room abruptly into my bedroom, sunlight shining in the window, both me and Alex spilled across the bed. My head is on his chest and his arms are cradling me. It's a pose that I had thought about, time and time again before he died, but which we had never actually been in.
He puts a gentle kiss on the top of my head, and I cuddle a little closer. We could talk, we could talk about anything, in a dream, but I don't want to, I just want to lie here, and bask in his company. I feel like this could be forever...
Then he's fading, and I'm losing my grip, and I call his name, trying to hold onto the dissipating fog that was once his form... The fight seems to go on forever, and I call his name again and again...
And suddenly, I'm jarred out of my restful state into the world where Alex is dead and Tess killed him and Max is so tied up in being the King that he forgets about me and what I need, and I'm one of four, now three, aliens on earth, who don't belong and are constantly being hunted.
Mom is crouched by the side of my bed. There's pinkish light streaming in the window, it must be about dawn, long before the people in my home usually get up, and she's using a wet washcloth to rub sweat from my face, and I can feel it, hot and sticky all over the rest of my body.
I look up at her, and know that I must have woken her up, probably with my cries of Alex's name. From the state of my covers, I can tell that I must have been thrashing around a lot, too.
"Thanks," I say softly, and she looks up at me from where she was dipping the washcloth. I give her a humorless smile, and she returns the gesture with a gentle, quiet smile meant only to convey love.
"I was dreaming about him again..." I say in the same soft tone, and she looks pained for me. Meanwhile, though I'm increasingly aware of the world that surrounds me, I'm still basking in the gentle glow of the dreamworld.
It breaks apart fast though, and the realities of this world begin to come back into focus, making me turn my head away from my mother to hide the tears creeping down my cheeks. She waits a moment, then quietly picks up and leaves, obviously sensing my wish to deal with my emotions alone.
Later, I drag myself out of bed, in no particular hurry and almost unaware of the fact that school has been in session for almost two hours and Max is long gone from the house. Breakfast tastes sour, so I don't eat it, and everything on the television is crap, so I don't watch it. Mom is puttering around the house, apparently home from work to baby-sit me, but after a few failed attempts, doesn't try to speak to me.
Later, I go out to visit Kyle at the Crashdown, where we can both simply vent our anger and share our fears with each other. Since Alex's death, and later, when we learned about Tess's betrayal, this has been an important step in dealing, for both of us. Michael, Maria and Liz are there, and Max would be, except that he's grounded for coming in so late a few weeks ago after he was with Tess, getting the Jeep totaled, and never telling anyone where he was all those times.
It's funny. Alex was just one person, but without him, I feel like I've lost all of my friends. I watch them as they work.
Liz doesn't hate me anymore, but I wouldn't name her as my best girl friend, either, and Michael and Maria are both over each other more than they're either working or paying attention to me. Michael came by our table once, mine and Kyle's, told me I looked horrible, and asked if he could do anything, looking rather pained as he did so.
I told him no, and he left as quickly as he had come.
I go to Alex's grave every night if I can. Sometimes, I just look at it impassively, and sometimes I cry, and sometimes I talk to him. In my more sane moments, I occasionally worry about this, I'm not supposed to see dead people, am I? but most of the time, I'm just so grateful for his presence, to ease the constant ache in my chest even for mere moments, that I don't bother to question.
Tonight, I take my book, and I lie on his grave, the earth still fairly fresh, my hand touching his gravestone the whole time. I don't know why, but it makes me feel closer to him, even though I don't believe that there's anything of Alex in the ground here. What's here is just bones and flesh and the case that housed him, nothing of his soul.
I fall asleep this way, and am roused about midnight by a rough shake on my shoulder. My mother is again, leaning over me as I awake, but this time, her face is sharp with anxiety and concern, slightly tinged with anger.
"Isabel! We were worried about you! And you shouldn't fall asleep, alone in a graveyard! Who knows what could happen to you?"
I shrug, not having considered it. Of course, my parents don't know that I possess powers capable of incinerating someone with a mere thought, so I can see how they might have been a bit worried. This would have been a stupid move for a human to make, indeed.
I don't speak as they pull me to my feet and load me into the car. When we arrive home, I undress and change myself, but I still don't acknowledge the presences of anyone other than myself. Max comes in to say goodnight, and doesn't seem bothered by my indifference at all, but my mother begs me to speak to her for so long that I finally consent and mumble a goodnight as she is leaving.
This day has been too damn long.
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