TITLE: MY Perspective
Author: --Starbuck--
Category: Humor
Rating: G
Spoilers: BIG Existence Spoiler
Disclaimer: I wish they were mine, but they belong to the surfer dude and 1013.
Summary: From a different point of view...
Feedback: Appreciated
I sat in the backseat of the car, facing the scenery we were leaving behind. My brain was throbbing at the moronic sing-a-long songs that filled the car. I tried to tell my mother,
"MOM! PLEASE! Turn that off!"
But all that came out was
"Gurgle goo ahaha!"
And she laughed and looked over and the driver, Daddy. He grinned. I wondered why he was so ecstatic. It was driving me insane,
"Daddy! Turn it off! Stop smiling! Pull over or I'll steal your gun and blow the radio up!"
And I banged my head against the back of my carseat as I heard what actually came out of my mouth,
"Dada goo hahaha gurgle hee gurgle goo boom!"
Inside I was screaming "NOOOOO!" and I didn't know I had said it out loud.
"WAAAAAAH!"
Mommy turned around and looked at me.
"Are you ok, William?"
I turned and rolled my eyes at her. She, of course, found that hysterical.
"MOTHER! STOP IT!"
"Mama!" and some weird gurgling sound.
I pounded the carseat I was sitting in and pulled at the seatbelt. She couldn't see so turned back and talked to Daddy. I didn't want to hear what they were saying.
I wondered why they underestimate us. When I get old enough to talk properly, I'm going to remember all this and scream it at them. Really loud. And then, when they're all sitting there staring at me with their bottom lips touching the floor I'm going to smile all happily and laugh my head off.
Laugh really, really hard.
When I get home I'm going to write this all down.
Wait, there's a piece of paper and a pen right over there. I reach out for it and smile evilly as I try to write.
"Mommy and Daddy,
Please turn the music off! Don't underestimate me, you will make a powerful enemy. Yes, yes, I love you too, but I'm sick of this tape that we've listened to 298701974 times and everything! Give me a break! PLEASE!
William."
When I saw what was actually written on there, nothing but scribbles and shapes, I crumbled up the paper and threw it at Mommy. Daddy was driving and I didn't want to have a crash before I could get my revenge.
Maybe I'd shut them in their basement office and force them to listen to this annoying tape forever.
Yes, that's it!
I didn't want to wait, but this body didn't allow me to walk yet. Not without falling down every two seconds.
So we're not at home. I'm grumpy. Mommy's taking me into the office for the first time. Daddy stops the car in front of a tall building. I look up to it and instead see the sun, so I turn away. Daddy turns the stupid tape off--THANK YOU--and Mommy picks me up and takes me out of the car seat--THANK YOU.
Mommy takes me by her boss's office. Well, I guess that old bald guy with glasses is her boss. He's smiling too, and it drives me crazy.
"I just need to get something from the office, I won't be long."
Good, because I'm wondering why she and Daddy were taking me to work with them. I guess it's her first day back at work.
I feel sorry for the bald man. At least I'll grow hair. When I grow up I might give him a toupee. Anonymously, so I won't get my parents in trouble.
We get in the elevator and go to the basement. It's dark down there, no windows. Just file cabinets. Yukk.
We go in the office and there's the three weird guys from Mommy's apartment. I remember seeing them when I came home. One of them looks like a hippie, with long blonde hair. The other one looks like some business man, but he didn't have a briefcase. And the short guy just looked...funny.
I've heard Daddy call them the Lone Gunment, and I've gathered that they are computer hackers. I think that's very, very cool and I want to grow up to be able to do that. I feel very smug at the thought that my parents have three computer hackers as friends and they can teach me how to hack when I get older.
If I could laugh properly I would. But I know all that'd come out is this giggle, and it gets on my nerves too.
They say they were just waiting for us, to see how we were doing, blah blah blah. All these technical terms. I guess I better learn them though, so they'll think I'm some genius at the mere age of twelve. I'll have to wait until then. It just seems 'right'.
The office is really cool. The gunmen are gone--I've just noticed. There's a poster with a UFO on it and "I WANT TO BELIEVE" in big letters. It must be Daddy's. There's a picture of Mommy and Daddy from a few years ago stuck in the corner of a bulletin board, with pictures of spaceships and aliens.
Mommy doesn't have a desk. Daddy's name thing is on the desk--FOX MULDER. Fox. I'm glad Mommy didn't name me that. Phew.
Mommy's name is on the door though, DANA SCULLY. Maybe I'll work down here and get my name on the door too. I wouldn't take down any of the posters or anything. And I wouldn't get my partner a desk. It'd be too crowded.
There's a computer on the desk, and I wonder if the weird guys were doing something to it. But I don't think so, since they were just standing around looking at all the pictures and posters.
I don't want to go, but Mommy has her pocketbook and Daddy's locking the door. I sigh and look down at the floor. Daddy's carrying me now.
Daddy has hazel eyes and I have blue eyes. Mine are full of irritation, but his are happy. I decide to smile up at him, just to make him happier. He's always happy around me or Mommy.
I have blue eyes like my mother. And her skin color. I didn't really want to go to school and be pale, but maybe that'll change. I hope so, I might get made fun of and it'd be hard to make friends.
Ack.
I hope they won't call me Spooky Jr, either. But how would they know about Daddy's nickname? Hahaha. They probably have boring parents, like dentists or something. That's funny, heeheehee.
Now we're at home. Mommy made Daddy go back to his apartment. I haven't been there yet, but I want to go.
Mommy puts me in my crib now. I'm not sleepy. And I'm sick of the little twirling things that serve no purpose other than to make me dizzy. So I look away and watch Mommy leave.
Ok, so I'm a little sleepy.
When I wake up, Daddy is back. He wants to take me to his apartment. I clap my hands and reach toward Daddy. To parents, I think, that means "I wanna go!", but I'm not sure. I don't get it either.
Well, it seems to have worked, because Mommy is letting me go. By myself. I'm amazed, by the way she talks about Daddy she wouldn't let me go with him by myself.
If I could have smirked back at her I would. And laugh. Hahaha.
Daddy's apartment number is 42. I've heard from a lot of people that a lot of people have died in here. Mommy almost did once. Or more. I heard that there was this mean guy who tried to tear her heart out or something.
But I don't care, we're here. Daddy's apartment is the opposite of Mommy's. It's a mess. He has fish over in the corner though. There's a little spaceship thing floating in them. Yeah, that I WANT TO BELIEVE poster is his.
I like Daddy's apartment. He takes me over to the sofa--I think he sleeps there--and puts me down. Then he stands up and goes to get something. I look around and settle myself on the sofa. I like it here.
He comes back with something. He gives it to me and I hold it. It's round and has a picture of something that looks like a temple engraved on it. In the middle is a statue of somebody. It's Buddha.
Geez, I'm smart.
He tells me,
"A year ago your mother's life changed here." He pointed at the Buddha statue in the middle of the thing. I hold it tightly. He reaches under the shelf with the fish on it and pulls out a statue of Buddha. He lets me hold it, but it's too heavy for these puny arms.
Ack, I hate being this little.
After he finally notices it's too heavy, he puts it back. He winces and touches his head. There's a really bad cut on there. And scars on his cheeks. I reach up and touch them, and he laughs.
"Hopefully that won't happen to you. It's kind of crazy. See, I was abducted by aliens in Oregon. And I wasn't found until a few months ago. I was dead, and then Scully--er, your mother, figured out how to bring me back. I'm glad she did."
He laughs again. "And you don't understand a word I'm saying."
I nod, trying to tell him that I *do* understand, and I try to say,
"I understand everything! AAAH! This is maddening..."
And, once again, all that comes out is meaningless sounds. Yuck.
He looks at me strangely, like he understood that. But I know he didn't.
"Let's get you home, 'k?"
I don't want to leave now, but I have no choice. I helplessly let him take me to the car and back to Mommy. I still have the thing with the Buddha on it.
I decide not to show it to Mommy yet, she'll take it away.
"Hey, back so soon?" she asked as Daddy gave me to her.
"Yeah, you know, not much to see over there."
That made Mommy laugh, and I just rolled my eyes. I am sooooo underestimated. They think I'm so shallow just because I'm a few weeks old.
Hmph.
I'm not going to be like that when I grow up, no way.
Daddy's gone and Mommy's putting me back in my crib. All they think I do is eat, sleep, eat, sleep, ride in car, eat, sleep.
I'm not sleepy.
Ok, maybe a little.
Ok, I'm asleep.
Hmph.
Author: --Starbuck--
Category: Humor
Rating: G
Spoilers: BIG Existence Spoiler
Disclaimer: I wish they were mine, but they belong to the surfer dude and 1013.
Summary: From a different point of view...
Feedback: Appreciated
I sat in the backseat of the car, facing the scenery we were leaving behind. My brain was throbbing at the moronic sing-a-long songs that filled the car. I tried to tell my mother,
"MOM! PLEASE! Turn that off!"
But all that came out was
"Gurgle goo ahaha!"
And she laughed and looked over and the driver, Daddy. He grinned. I wondered why he was so ecstatic. It was driving me insane,
"Daddy! Turn it off! Stop smiling! Pull over or I'll steal your gun and blow the radio up!"
And I banged my head against the back of my carseat as I heard what actually came out of my mouth,
"Dada goo hahaha gurgle hee gurgle goo boom!"
Inside I was screaming "NOOOOO!" and I didn't know I had said it out loud.
"WAAAAAAH!"
Mommy turned around and looked at me.
"Are you ok, William?"
I turned and rolled my eyes at her. She, of course, found that hysterical.
"MOTHER! STOP IT!"
"Mama!" and some weird gurgling sound.
I pounded the carseat I was sitting in and pulled at the seatbelt. She couldn't see so turned back and talked to Daddy. I didn't want to hear what they were saying.
I wondered why they underestimate us. When I get old enough to talk properly, I'm going to remember all this and scream it at them. Really loud. And then, when they're all sitting there staring at me with their bottom lips touching the floor I'm going to smile all happily and laugh my head off.
Laugh really, really hard.
When I get home I'm going to write this all down.
Wait, there's a piece of paper and a pen right over there. I reach out for it and smile evilly as I try to write.
"Mommy and Daddy,
Please turn the music off! Don't underestimate me, you will make a powerful enemy. Yes, yes, I love you too, but I'm sick of this tape that we've listened to 298701974 times and everything! Give me a break! PLEASE!
William."
When I saw what was actually written on there, nothing but scribbles and shapes, I crumbled up the paper and threw it at Mommy. Daddy was driving and I didn't want to have a crash before I could get my revenge.
Maybe I'd shut them in their basement office and force them to listen to this annoying tape forever.
Yes, that's it!
I didn't want to wait, but this body didn't allow me to walk yet. Not without falling down every two seconds.
So we're not at home. I'm grumpy. Mommy's taking me into the office for the first time. Daddy stops the car in front of a tall building. I look up to it and instead see the sun, so I turn away. Daddy turns the stupid tape off--THANK YOU--and Mommy picks me up and takes me out of the car seat--THANK YOU.
Mommy takes me by her boss's office. Well, I guess that old bald guy with glasses is her boss. He's smiling too, and it drives me crazy.
"I just need to get something from the office, I won't be long."
Good, because I'm wondering why she and Daddy were taking me to work with them. I guess it's her first day back at work.
I feel sorry for the bald man. At least I'll grow hair. When I grow up I might give him a toupee. Anonymously, so I won't get my parents in trouble.
We get in the elevator and go to the basement. It's dark down there, no windows. Just file cabinets. Yukk.
We go in the office and there's the three weird guys from Mommy's apartment. I remember seeing them when I came home. One of them looks like a hippie, with long blonde hair. The other one looks like some business man, but he didn't have a briefcase. And the short guy just looked...funny.
I've heard Daddy call them the Lone Gunment, and I've gathered that they are computer hackers. I think that's very, very cool and I want to grow up to be able to do that. I feel very smug at the thought that my parents have three computer hackers as friends and they can teach me how to hack when I get older.
If I could laugh properly I would. But I know all that'd come out is this giggle, and it gets on my nerves too.
They say they were just waiting for us, to see how we were doing, blah blah blah. All these technical terms. I guess I better learn them though, so they'll think I'm some genius at the mere age of twelve. I'll have to wait until then. It just seems 'right'.
The office is really cool. The gunmen are gone--I've just noticed. There's a poster with a UFO on it and "I WANT TO BELIEVE" in big letters. It must be Daddy's. There's a picture of Mommy and Daddy from a few years ago stuck in the corner of a bulletin board, with pictures of spaceships and aliens.
Mommy doesn't have a desk. Daddy's name thing is on the desk--FOX MULDER. Fox. I'm glad Mommy didn't name me that. Phew.
Mommy's name is on the door though, DANA SCULLY. Maybe I'll work down here and get my name on the door too. I wouldn't take down any of the posters or anything. And I wouldn't get my partner a desk. It'd be too crowded.
There's a computer on the desk, and I wonder if the weird guys were doing something to it. But I don't think so, since they were just standing around looking at all the pictures and posters.
I don't want to go, but Mommy has her pocketbook and Daddy's locking the door. I sigh and look down at the floor. Daddy's carrying me now.
Daddy has hazel eyes and I have blue eyes. Mine are full of irritation, but his are happy. I decide to smile up at him, just to make him happier. He's always happy around me or Mommy.
I have blue eyes like my mother. And her skin color. I didn't really want to go to school and be pale, but maybe that'll change. I hope so, I might get made fun of and it'd be hard to make friends.
Ack.
I hope they won't call me Spooky Jr, either. But how would they know about Daddy's nickname? Hahaha. They probably have boring parents, like dentists or something. That's funny, heeheehee.
Now we're at home. Mommy made Daddy go back to his apartment. I haven't been there yet, but I want to go.
Mommy puts me in my crib now. I'm not sleepy. And I'm sick of the little twirling things that serve no purpose other than to make me dizzy. So I look away and watch Mommy leave.
Ok, so I'm a little sleepy.
When I wake up, Daddy is back. He wants to take me to his apartment. I clap my hands and reach toward Daddy. To parents, I think, that means "I wanna go!", but I'm not sure. I don't get it either.
Well, it seems to have worked, because Mommy is letting me go. By myself. I'm amazed, by the way she talks about Daddy she wouldn't let me go with him by myself.
If I could have smirked back at her I would. And laugh. Hahaha.
Daddy's apartment number is 42. I've heard from a lot of people that a lot of people have died in here. Mommy almost did once. Or more. I heard that there was this mean guy who tried to tear her heart out or something.
But I don't care, we're here. Daddy's apartment is the opposite of Mommy's. It's a mess. He has fish over in the corner though. There's a little spaceship thing floating in them. Yeah, that I WANT TO BELIEVE poster is his.
I like Daddy's apartment. He takes me over to the sofa--I think he sleeps there--and puts me down. Then he stands up and goes to get something. I look around and settle myself on the sofa. I like it here.
He comes back with something. He gives it to me and I hold it. It's round and has a picture of something that looks like a temple engraved on it. In the middle is a statue of somebody. It's Buddha.
Geez, I'm smart.
He tells me,
"A year ago your mother's life changed here." He pointed at the Buddha statue in the middle of the thing. I hold it tightly. He reaches under the shelf with the fish on it and pulls out a statue of Buddha. He lets me hold it, but it's too heavy for these puny arms.
Ack, I hate being this little.
After he finally notices it's too heavy, he puts it back. He winces and touches his head. There's a really bad cut on there. And scars on his cheeks. I reach up and touch them, and he laughs.
"Hopefully that won't happen to you. It's kind of crazy. See, I was abducted by aliens in Oregon. And I wasn't found until a few months ago. I was dead, and then Scully--er, your mother, figured out how to bring me back. I'm glad she did."
He laughs again. "And you don't understand a word I'm saying."
I nod, trying to tell him that I *do* understand, and I try to say,
"I understand everything! AAAH! This is maddening..."
And, once again, all that comes out is meaningless sounds. Yuck.
He looks at me strangely, like he understood that. But I know he didn't.
"Let's get you home, 'k?"
I don't want to leave now, but I have no choice. I helplessly let him take me to the car and back to Mommy. I still have the thing with the Buddha on it.
I decide not to show it to Mommy yet, she'll take it away.
"Hey, back so soon?" she asked as Daddy gave me to her.
"Yeah, you know, not much to see over there."
That made Mommy laugh, and I just rolled my eyes. I am sooooo underestimated. They think I'm so shallow just because I'm a few weeks old.
Hmph.
I'm not going to be like that when I grow up, no way.
Daddy's gone and Mommy's putting me back in my crib. All they think I do is eat, sleep, eat, sleep, ride in car, eat, sleep.
I'm not sleepy.
Ok, maybe a little.
Ok, I'm asleep.
Hmph.