Chapter 6

Dimitri

I had half a mind to think she did this on purpose. How else could she have put that on. But Rose often didn't realize the effect she had on men. Or on me. She was just naturally that beautiful, naturally that graceful.

But Damn, I was human, sort of. Even if I told myself there was nothing left between Rose and me emotionally, my body hadn't gotten the message. And then she stretched. Now I know she had done that on purpose. You really didn't need to stretch that deep. I hoped the enamel on my molars would hold from the grinding I was doing.

Rose was turned away from me, so she didn't actually see me and neither did Mia, but Mikhail looked at me, raised his eyebrows and just chuckled. Bastard.

And the way she had looked at me. Like she was affected by my presence too. Maybe she was experiencing the same thing I was. She couldn't possibly be interested in me, not after what I had done, but physical connections were hard to control. It had always been that way for us. Doesn't mean she wanted me emotionally. Besides, she had a boyfriend, didn't she?

I was still feeling the effects of that stare hours later on the way back to the hotel room. It was like a little bit of electricity running across my skin the whole time. So while everyone waited on dinner, I took a shower, hoping to clear my head and to get rid of this feeling. I needed to be in the right headspace to fight tonight.

Because this would be the first time facing Strigoi after I had been turned back. I knew Rose and I could handle three Strigoi, but it wouldn't be easy. And I hadn't fought with my Dhampir strength for a couple of months. I had gotten used to fighting as a Strigoi. I needed my head in the game.

I ate in silence. Mia and Rose were in a conversation about Lissa and Christian and how stupid they were being for not being together yet. I just focused on chewing. It was still strange to me. But I started to enjoy the different flavors again. I would kill for my mother's cooking right now.

Damn, my family. Had anyone told them I was alive again? Rose had told me that she had to tell my family I was dead. So I doubt anyone would take the time now to tell them the reverse. I didn't know if I could face them yet. I wasn't the same person as they remembered. But I had time. I didn't need to contact them right now. I know letting them believe I was dead wasn't ideal. But better that they think I was dead, than broken. I just needed a bit more time.

After dinner, we started to prepare. There was an eerie silence in the room. Rose looked outside and I could see the sun setting. It was time. I could tell Mia was a bit apprehensive. This would be her first time after all. Mikhail was too experienced to let the nervousness show, but I knew it was there.

But Rose and I didn't seem to feel it. Fighting Strigoi had never made us nervous. I knew technically it was dangerous and we could die, but I didn't feel that fear and neither did Rose. Maybe in the moment, but not now. I knew the only reason Rose was apprehensive was because she wanted everyone else to come out alive.

I drove towards the location. Rose had determined we put the car around the corner, a block away. Far enough so they wouldn't hear us coming but close enough for escape should we need it. Rose went over the plan one more time with Mia and Mikhail, asking mostly about how they would escape should we meet a horrible horrible death.

I rolled my eyes. We would be fine. I knew of these Strigoi, they were idiots, former Moroi and one human. No special skills. I knew better than to underestimate Strigoi, but we had dealt with a lot worse. Hell, Rose had dealt with me.

We left Mia and Mikhail in their position and it was just us now. Things went from relaxed to strained in a matter of moments. I really would prefer a Strigoi nest over this tension between us.

"So you said you had a plan to get the Strigoi to separate?"

She turned to me. "Yes, I thought you could pretend to be Strigoi and offer me as a snack. I am sure a tasty little dhampir would draw them out."

I recoiled at her plan. How could she say it so casually. "Absolutely not."

She put her hands on her hips. "Why not? I would obscure your Dhampir scent, they won't know and it will give me the element of surprise if the 'bitten' snack plunges a stake in their heart."

Why? She was asking me why? Because it was too close to the truth. Although I would never have offered her to others, I did feed from her. How can she ask me this? I needed to focus, and the image of Rose closely pressed against me as I 'fed' from her wouldn't help me focus. For several reasons.

She started to pull her stake from her pocket and make a small gash in the corner where her neck met her shoulder.

"Stop it Rose." I pulled her arm away, but the small trickle of blood was already there.

"Don't be such a baby Dimitri. It is a good plan and you know it. You call them, they come out, you throw me against one of them as a reward or something, and I'll have him staked before he can even ask why your eyes are brown again."

This really wasn't bothering her. She was willing to be my 'victim' so willingly. Was she not haunted by the things I did to her in Russia? Didn't she wake up in the middle of the night still feeling my fangs in her neck? Because I sure did. If I thought hard enough I could still taste her blood.

I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. This isn't about you Dimitri. Not everything is about your trauma or hers for that matter. Because she was right. This was a good plan.

"Fine." I growled, as I psyched myself up to be him again.

We walked towards the building. When we were close enough, Rose breathed a couple of times and when she turned to me, her eyes were watery and she seemed scared. A great performance, but it still tugged on something inside of me.

I pulled her close to me with her back to my front, so I didn't have to look at her. Although my hand around her stomach and her ass against my groin did nothing to help me relax or play my role. Although it did make me growl again.

I took a deep breath and started to yell.

"I brought a snack if you idiots hurry, you can have my leftovers." I felt my own stake in my hand which was obscured behind Rose's jacket. Her own stake was safely in her hand which was a little behind her. They wouldn't be looking at her hand anyway.

"Belikov?" One of them asked. I could see another in the doorway, but the third chose to stay inside. It was standard protocol, don't leave the merchandise unguarded. Which would work out very well. Rose takes the first one out and with the element of surprise, I take the second one, and we could handle the third together.

I had my head lowered so they couldn't see my eyes. It was close to Rose's bloody neck so they probably assumed I was feeding or about to feed. For good measure Rose whimpered in my arms.

"Oh, a dhampir. It has been long."

"Not that you two idiots deserve it. I am gone for a couple of days and you think you can slack off."

"No, we didn't, we didn't."

I gave Rose a small nudge letting her know I was about to throw her into the arms of Strigoi. I looked a little to the side and so did she, our eyes locked, our faces inches away from each other. In any other situation you would think we were about to kiss.

But I didn't think about kissing her and I doubt she did too. We were in battle mode.

I flung her towards the Strigoi. "Here, I am done with her."

Rose stumbled towards the Strigoi who was eager to catch her, his teeth bared towards her. But he never got the chance. She had stumbled right into his chest, her arms in front of her. She actually did it in a way the second Strigoi couldn't see what she had done until I was on him. I was amazed. She had a lot of control, even in a fake stumble she was able to hit her mark.

Her Strigoi slumped to the ground. I had hit the second across the chest, but at the last moment he had stepped back, making me miss my mark. Rose moved inside the house, ready to eliminate the last one, while I was busy with the second one.

We were now fighting. He had hit me hard in the face, but I pushed him back against the door opening kicking him in the ribs. I heard something crack, but knew the wound wouldn't last long. not for a Strigoi.

They were evil. Unnatural evil that should be eliminated from this world. I hit him again, this time breaking his jaw. But he was already moving like his ribs had healed and I knew his jaw wasn't far behind. But I would make sure he would never use that jaw on any victim ever again. I hit it again and again, pinning him to the wall. Some of his blood splashed on me. That wasn't even his blood. it was probably blood from some poor person he fed from. Someone he stole their lifeforce from just so he could live for eternity.

I made sure he had no time to heal before I inflicted more pain on him, compounding the injuries. He would suffer, just like he had made his victims suffer.

Just like I had made them suffer.

The Strigoi's face seemed to shift and I recognized the person staring back at me. It was me. I had done all those things this Strigoi had done and did them better. Or worse depending on context.

I hit myself again, enjoying the groan I got in return.

"Why don't you just die!"

I kept hitting my Strigoi reflection, until the face didn't resemble me at all, the face didn't resemble anything anymore. I took my stake and plunged it into his chest. I felt the tension leaving his body, but it hardly registered.

He needed to die. They all did.

I punched the stake back in, hoping if I killed the Strigoi part of him, I could kill the Strigoi part of myself.

My hands were warm with his blood. No, not his blood, his victim's blood. It enraged me again and there the stake went in his chest cavity. And it was a cavity. There was no skin or ribs or even a heart to speak of anymore.

I vaguely remember hearing my name, but I didn't listen. I didn't have time. This evil in him, inside of me, needed to die.

"Dimitri, please. He's dead."

She pulled my bloodied hands away from the corpse, and I dropped my stake in the proces.

"He is not dead. He'll never be dead. He'll always be inside of me."

She turned me away from the bloodied mess and towards her. "No, he is gone." She tilted my head when I wouldn't meet her eyes. "You are nothing like him."

I shook my head. "You are the only one Rose. The only one who saw what I was like. The only one who saw the horrible things I have done." I grabbed her shoulders, practically digging in my fingers, bloodying her shirt as well. She didn't seem to care. "Nobody else would understand."

"I understand Dimitri. But you are nothing like him. I would know. I can tell the difference. Strigoi can't appreciate life, can't see beauty, can't find peace."

I looked around. We were in the building, but just barely. It was a shitty building, probably on the list to be condemned, in a neighborhood that didn't care if someone ended up dead. The building was dark and dank and now held the stench of death and blood.

"There is no life here, no beauty."

"Yes, there is, life always finds a way. Just look around."

I didn't have to look around. I looked at Rose. Although with her dark colors she sort of blended in the dark building, yet somehow she stood out like a bright sun. Her eyes were near black, but I saw life and concern in them. I knew in better light, they would be an array of brown, ranging from near black to almost gold. I could spend hours gazing in her eyes, tracing all the different patterns in her irises. Her skin was soft like silk. I knew she didn't have an elaborate skin care regime, so this was all her. And her hair.

"Your hair is beautiful." She looked a little taken back by my statement, but I just ran my fingers through her soft hair. It had almost the same nuances as her eyes. Some of the more stubborn strands had been freed from her ponytail during the fight. I always had to fight my instinct to run my hands through them in training. I didn't fight now.

"See, you found something beautiful in a place that seemingly has none. You aren't Strigoi Dimitri."

"You guys okay?"

Rose looked over my shoulder to Mikhail, judging by the voice. I had my back turned to him, for which I was glad. He didn't need to see my breakdown. Neither did Mia for that matter.

Rose stood up and walked around me, giving me one last squeeze on my shoulder.

"Three confirmed and dead. Would you mind calling the Alchemists, Mikhail?"

I think he agreed because he didn't say anything else and walked away, giving me a bit of privacy.

It took me a couple of minutes. I vaguely heard Rose say that I would guard the perimeter until the Alchemists would arrive, and then we could leave.

On the ride back to the hotel, nobody commented on my rather bloody appearance, but I was allowed the first shower.

Once I was clean again after running the water for several minutes, before the water was clear from blood, I dried myself and put on my pajama buttons. I was walking into Mikhail's and my room when I noticed her.

She had wet hair too. No doubt she took the first shower in the girls room. I had gotten a bit of blood on her too. She had opted for a rather comfortable pair of shorts and a tank top. Perfect for the warm weather in the summer for going to bed. Very bad for silencing the voice in my head that said Rose and I were over.

She stood in my doorway, leaning against the doorpost, arms over her chest.

"I am sorry, Dimitri."

"For what?"

"I didn't realize this would be so difficult for you. I should have thought about how pretending to be him would be hard and triggering."

I sighed deeply and sat on the bed. I ran my hand through my wet hair. It was still unbound and I would probably keep it that way until morning. "It wasn't hard to pretend to be him, which is kind of the problem."

She sat down next to me. Close enough to try and give me comfort, far enough away to keep some emotional distance between us too. "You know you aren't him right."

I nodded. I did know that, but in those moments when I would pretend, I could practically feel him infiltrate my mind. I might not be him anymore, but he also wasn't gone. I didn't look at her any further. I really didn't know what to say. I broke down in front of her. I know she doesn't judge me on that, but I wanted her to know I could do this. That I needed to do this.

"I will do what I have to Rose, for this mission to succeed and if that means pretending to be him, I can do that."

She took my hand, squeezed it tightly, released it again and stood up. She moved towards the door and when she was almost gone, she turned around. "I know Dimitri, I know I can always count on you to do the right thing, even if it is hard. And that should tell you all you need to know about how much Strigoi is still inside of you."

How could she have so much faith in me? Even after what I had done to her. But I wouldn't betray that trust. I would do what I needed, because it really was the only way any of us would be leaving this mission alive.

Rose's phone pinged in her pocket and she was obviously too curious to wait for the privacy of her own room. She scanned the text. I imagine it was Hans asking about how today's mission went, but when her eyes widened, my own curiosity got the better of me.

"What is it?"

"I asked an Alchemist friend of mine to look into Lissa's sibling. I had a lead on a bank account from Eric Dragomir to some mystery woman. She found an in-case-of-emergency contact on an old version of that account."

I didn't know where to begin dissecting that particular sentence. She had an Alchemist friend? We didn't have Alchemist friends. We had contacts that did the bear minimum that was expected of them, we didn't have friends who did us favors. And she already had a lead? We were on the road for two days? And in that time she killed two Strigoi, led the mission and had to deal with complications because the Queen got murdered.

I was rather impressed.

But I didn't have a chance to say that to her, because of the name I saw in the text as she was holding up the phone for me to see.

"Sonya Karp."