Waterloo

by auroraleigh1856

But long story short, it was the story of one green dress, two bracelets, three cigarettes, four (and a half) rejections, five detentions, six glasses of vodka, seven scars, an eight-letter phrase, nine tries, ten laps, eleven slices of chocolate cake, twelve games of rugby and thirteen characters. It was the story of how Lily Evans and James Potter came to be, among other tales.

21. Pandemonium

BOOK THREE: LADY LAZARUS

November 1976.

Pandemonium

(Sometimes Referred To As)

*The One Where Everyone Punches Avery*

A/N: Horrifically long chapter. I apologise in advance. It was undoubtedly necessary, given the topic of discussion- I thought I'd give it it's best shot. A lot of Waterloo is inspired by my wonderful, wonderful school and unfortunately this is straight out of my horrid educational institution of choice.

Although- and I grin madly- 400,000 words later, we have proper Jily scenes. I mean?! Wonderful! I can FINALLY write Jily. Bless you for staying along this long. Is it buried in the 37,850 word chapter? Yes! Will I do anything about it? No. Probably not. In great despair, comes Jily, and in great happiness, comes Jily, because Jily is always needed, but Jily is needed most in times of despair, which is now. And post this chapter there will be SO MUCH JILY. (Upon editing- sorry- more tension- but i promise you in about two chapters there will be so much jily and then two more the jily tropes, plot structure and everything will become the central storyline).

PART ONE

November the 27th

It was a Saturday. A Rugby Weekend. The Ravenclaws had just trashed Hufflepuff. 53- 20. Liam Alton was rather proud of himself, although he felt rather guilty. So was Steve Abbott. It was November the 27th, which meant Lily Evans was in a good mood, though despite the fact that it was only the eleventh month of the year (although a nicely-termed prime number), it was the 27th. Which was three, to the power of three. A superstition that seemed to dismiss the anxiety in her chest.

"The only benefit to this horrid month," Dorcas declared, taking an old ribbon and throwing it around obviously, Hestia pouncing, "is that at least we now know who we are."

"Who we are?" Mary asked. Marlene had quietly put on one of Dorcas's new records, looking rather downtrodden. Lily, who had taken to sleeping next to Madeline, like Liesel apparently used to before Madeline moved to Hogwarts, rotated onto her side. Lily brushed her hair- dressed her- read to her- made her food- made her tea. There was no speaking from Madeline. She was totally silent.

"Well." Dorcas said. "I'd argue Marlene's the friend who beats up anyone and everyone who insults you."

"As shown by this month." Lily muttered.

"We all punched Avery." Marlene said. "Then you, then Mary, then Dorcas. I just did it first, because I'm a trendsetter. Life is woefully hard being popular- everyone follows after you."

"We all are roughly at the same level of popularity." Dorcas said, rolling her eyes, the counterforce to Marlene's under the breath comments. "Don't start going on about that or no one will like you and you'll be the next Meridia Diggory and chasing after Ethan McDogual because he two-timed up with Nikki Chan."

"I'm not popular anymore." Madeline said, with a dreadful little pandemonium-stained whisper. "Because everyone thinks I'm some liar and Remus and I are broken up, so I don't even have a boyfriend anymore."

And then she started to cry. Lily took her in some more and gave her a good motherly hug. Mary turned the radio onto Madeline's favourite jazz station eagerly.

Little trickles of gossip entered the month, because Edward Avery described how he was rudely hauled over and had his innocence, his character, his good name questioned, how this was an absolute hit job and a ploy by the Gyrffindors- a revenge by the Black family, if anything- and if anyone was to ask him any questions, they ought to ask his father, who owned half of Manchester and was on the Board of Governors.

How awful- how truly awful- to go through that whole process- gruelled. Imagine that- your worst problems being slandered, not watching the hallways and having to smell Edward Avery's cologne, recall how-

And they would do the same to Hannah- that was the worst. Madeline was popular, Madeline had Lily and James Potter and Sirius Black and Frank Longbottom and Ethan McDougal and Cordelia King and Lina Hoffman and Steve Abbott and McGonagall behind her and yet she was losing every battle.

Lily had pushed aside her problems for a moment, because they seemed undeserving of the moment. It seemed a war and war dismisses trivial worries.

"Anyways-" Dorcas said, glaring at Marlene, "Before I was rudely interrupted, I'd say Mary is the person you'd go to if you need to hear some desperate truth."

"Like what?" Marlene asked.

"Like- Lily's boyfriend is a three-word-phrase that rhymes with 'police of spit'." Mary scoffed.

"What's that?" Madeline whispered.

"Piece of shit." Lily whispered back, patting her fondly on the head.

"I am the shrink." Dorcas observed. "Or perhaps the writer. I do enjoy analysing people's every move. Although, I am not a conspiracy theorist."

She looked wickedly at Marlene McKinnon.

"I am telling you, Cordelia King not only fancies James Potter-" Marlene said, beginning a lecture they had heard over and over again.

"No she doesn't." Madeline muttered, rising above Lily's lap, red hair falling onto her face as she moved. "She would've told me. I need something happy to cheer me up."

"She is sleeping with him." Marlene declared. "He is sneaking off to all sorts of places and all roads lead to the French Tower."

"She would be cleverer than losing her virginity in the French Tower. Not if Lina Hoffman has anything to do with it-" Mary said.

"We all have Post Lina-Hoffman-French-Tower Traumatic Syndrome." Marlene scoffed. "Goodness. Just do it in the Broom Closet like the rest of us. Don't act so high and mighty."

"Literally." Mary scoffed. "Doing it in the French Tower- you are asking to be caught-"

"Since you are Miss Popular, you shouldn't complain." Dorcas said. "Popular people shag in the French Tower."

"Lina doesn't." Madeline said. "No way in hell Cordelia's dating anyone who Lina's slept with-"

"But that's like-" Dorcas said.

"Every eligible bachelor in this school."

"God." Lily said. "And Lina and Liam have slept together."

"Well, don't mention that to Liam Alton, or he'll have another fit, and I'm not in the mood to clean up the spilt milk of Ravenclaw pampered boys." Dorcas muttered. "Cunt."

"Cunt." Mary agreed. "Not Lina, of course. I like her."

"She's like Lily but without the underlying niceties." Dorcas said.

"Underlying niceties?" Lily scoffed.

"You can be a cow in the exterior." Dorcas said, waving a hand. "But you are quite pleasant once you get to be known."

Lily made a face, but Madeline giggled.

"Don't forget-"

"Whiny." The rest of the girls chorused.

"I said-" Lily said, through gritted teeth, "I was working on it."

"We know, we know." Dorcas said, flicking a hand like the queen. Aslan trotted over and settled in her lap- Madeline gave a little squeal.

"Oh, he's making friends." She said, "It must be because you are wearing my favourite pink skirt. Aslan loves the colour pink. It's his favourite colour. He wees on it the most."

If Madeline had not had the shittiest term ever known to man, the four girls would've kicked the feline out of the dorm, but they did not, because Madeline had had the shittiest term known to man.

"And anyways- Just because you got Frank and Alice right, one time, which became increasingly obvious by the summer-" Lily said.

"But none of you said anything-"

"Because it's rude. And you are a relational conspiracy theorist." Lily said. "Do you want a sweet, Mads?"

Madeline nodded- a specific stash of chocolate had been bought by Lily, with her dwindling scholarship living expenses fund. Despite the three essays demanded on their authentic character by Madam Peeves, two maths tests, one physics lab, one biology lab, Lily had forfeited most of her time to Madeline's well-being. It was almost motherly.

"I ought to plait your hair." Lily said. "It looks so pretty plaited- look at Marys."

Mary turned to show a pretty looking french plait that Lily had done, with ribbon and all. She even had curled the ends with Marlene's expensive french iron.

"Mary looks so pretty." Madeline agreed. "She looks most dignified- like Miss Brodie. I never know why you hate your nose, Mary. It gives your face such character."

"Most distinguished."

"Miss Brodie was most proud of her nose." Lily said. "I do adore that book. I thought about it constantly this time last year. That and why I belong in this stupid house."

"Oh, don't say that." Dorcas said. "Everyone around us is defined by their material worth. We are defined by our ideas and our principles. Ravenclaw gets the best resources so they can save our school average so we can continue to get fat checks from alumni to not fix the girl's bathrooms, Slytherin makes the most politicians and things, Hufflepuff will go and save the world when they stop gossiping about the malicious and violent nature of Madeline's character-"

Mary McDonald snorted.

"But We?" Dorcas said. "Gryffindor isn't really anything. It's a feeling."

"It's a punch Avery in the face feeling." Marlene agreed. "And it's being principled and loyal. Like punching Avery in the face, because he's a cunt."

"Most definitely." Dorcas said. "And Lily's the sort of friend you go to when you need her most. Like- warm hugs. When you need to have a good cry."

"And me?" Madeline said hopefully.

"Oh, well. I think the last two months has proved, if anything, that Madeline makes everyone around her so dreadfully happy. It is hard not to be when you are near Madeline Clarke. Which is exactly the reason I despise the Hufflepuffs, but that's another matter." Dorcas sighed. "God. Where did it all begin?"

"When Slughorn said Avery only had to do two detentions?" Mary scoffed. "And said Madeline lied? And gave him easy detentions, because Avery's daddy said Slughorn would get fired otherwise?"

"Cunt." Marlene said. "I'm tired of this school all acting like cunts."

Mirrorball, Part Two

Madeline Clarke sobbed on Lily Evan's lap for the entirety of the night that ended November the Fourth, after she had said her piece in McGonagall's office.

She didn't really say much; there was no need to. She just cried, and cried, and cried. It was a sort of deep-aching cry. The girls didn't really know what to do. Crying is a wonderfully feminine thing- when you see a girl crying, you run to her, you comfort her. There's the exhaustive crying, the period crying, the tempered crying, the heartbroken crying.

But this?

This was beyond the usual scope- this was deep pain- this was sobbing. This was aching, because she felt utterly abandoned- because she felt horrible- because she still felt guilty- because she felt alone.

The only person who really knew what to do was Lily, who was reminded of the times she spent crying in Petunia's lap, when Petunia cared. In a new way, it presented a new lens- even though she was slowly mourning the loss of her uptight, snob sister, she had something to mourn. It was a gift, being able to mourn, because it meant that there was once joy in the past, and joy could present itself in the present once again. Madeline was mourning the fact that she had no one to cry in, that this was the first time someone had taken her in, like a sister.

The fact of the matter was that it had become increasingly clear by the letters Mrs. Potter sent to James Potter that Liesel and Justin were fighting constantly, which was understandable. Years of being isolated from his family meant that Justin was desperate to regain some sense of it. Years of being ignored by Claire Clarke and doing the work for her meant that Liesel was desperate for some recognition. It was all swept up when Lily came, but by the time Madeline needed them most, they had other things to do.

Liesel and Justin loved Madeline, desperately and wonderfully, but it was unfair of them to love her as they would Caitlyn or Elsie. She was not their daughter. It was not right.

So she cried, because she cried for Liesel, and how her father had treated her. She cried for Remus, because he had understood her pain, but left in the same way that the pain came to be, and she cried because she missed him desperately, and just wanted him there.

She cried because she remembered when her mother and father screamed at each other, when they bothered to try, and she cried because she remembered how Justin winced once when Liesel slammed the door, how broken he became. She cried because Ivan drank himself to death, remembering she once found him in a bathtub, crying with a bottle of vodka in one hand. She cried because she knew no matter how much her mother put her down, or degraded her, or called Madeline ugly and fat and annoying and all the hardened words, it was all just the things she received from her husband, that deep down, she was just a very scared eighteen-year old girl in a foreign country with a husband who grew bored of her.

And above all, she cried for Texas, and the fact that her happiness was learned- it was all a mask, because everyone around her seemed so unhappy, so broken, that she learnt the best way to keep them calm was to give them happiness to feed off. She could be who they wanted her to be. She cried because she acted like the child she was denied to be.

Lily knew how to deal with sobbing, having done a great deal of it this year. Her grief was her grief, but grief in the face of others dissipates into invisible smoke, a loan that drains you later, leaving you numb, numb, numb, but in the face of everything, Lily pooled her entire being that November into making sure Madeline Clarke felt alright. She made tea; she sang songs; she read; she played cards; she tried to knit; she took care of Aslan. There was nothing she didn't do, there was no complaint to be heard. There was only sobbing to be heard, really.

And sob Madeline did.

But Madeline sobbed for the Madeline of September 1976, begging for a new September to redeem herself, for a time when she felt like she could go walking by herself, for a time when smiling still felt natural, for a time she didn't flinch when someone touched her without warning, for a time when her legs felt like legs. She sobbed for the time when she was the mirrorball, because at least the mirrorball was still solid and not on the floor in tears.

Injustice Beyond

(Twenty-Four Days Earlier)

"But I don't understand." Frank Longbottom said. "Look, Miss. I understand- that- in June- but there were special circumstances- and clearly- James Potter has laid off Severus Snape. But two detentions? Miss- I don't mean to act above my authority- but the poor girl-"

"Professor Slughorn feels that it is more than deserved, given-" Professor McGonagall said, pulling down her glasses. "Given several factors."

"Such as what?"

"Mr. Avery thoroughly denies the story, that he ever even met Miss Clarke on the night of the September Slug Club gathering. His father has written in and threatened to withdraw him from the school. Professor Slughorn says that given my decision not to give detention to Mr. Potter and Mr. Black- yes- I understand there were holidays, but it was a symbolic decision, hoping that he would turn a new leaf-"

"But he has!" Frank says.

"Mr. Longbottom." Professor McGonagall said. "I am beginning to understand that it is in your nature, to see the best in people, that you have not considered that sometimes people's souls can- can be so depraved- but unfortunately, and if you wish to be successful in law, you must understand, that sometimes, people's souls are not as pure as you see them. James Potter has received numerous detentions-"

"For fighting Bertram Aubrey- even Liam Alton-"

"James Potter has not shown redemption. In fact, he has a shiny new badge. It appears as if he has been rewarded." Professor McGonagall. "I cannot, ultimately, discipline Edward Avery. If there is to be a repeat incident, then perhaps we shall see, but the Board of Governors dictates that the head of house distributes punishments-"

"But- but-" Frank said. "But she is so scared."

"I know she is." Professor McGonagall said. "I take to it that you've asked your friends-"

"Yes, but- she is still horrified." Frank said. "Everyone is. And Edward Avery is going to do something again, I just know it."

"I cannot do anything. I am sorry." Professor McGonagall. "Unless Professor Slughorn feels that the matter at hand has changed, then Edward Avery will get his token two detentions."

"So Lady Justice is to turn away for Madeline Clarke, because Avery's daddy sent a mean letter?"

"Yes." Professor McGonagall said. "And a word- Steve Abbott has requested a victory bonfire, should Ravenclaw win against Hufflepuff this month."

"But the Ravenclaw game is after Guy Fawkes day."

"Yes, but it would be rather nice. I hope you and Mr. Potter get a word to your team to display exemplary behaviour, personal grievances aside. It would be nice- for the school- to come together. The whole school's been invited."

"I make no promises." Frank said angrily. "I cannot promise that someone doesn't take justice into their own hands and give what Edward Avery deserves."

"We must not become a bunch of hooligan vigilanties." Professor McGonagall said. "We must not deprive ourselves of our dignity."

"Well, Professor Slughorn and Avery have taken away Madeline's dignity." Frank said, "So I see no reason why we cannot do the same."

"My heart is with her." Professor McGonagall muttered. "I really- I cannot imagine. I- If it were different- someone in my house- I- it would not be the same. But Professor Slughorn has made it so."

"Two detentions is just-" Dorcas said. "It makes me so angry. So, so, so angry."

"I'm never going to a Slug Club again." Lily said angrily. "As is Frank and Alice. They've sent off their Oxford Applications already. It's an official boycott."

"I'm disinvited from the Slug Club." Madeline whispered. "Not that I'd want to go back-"

"Obviously not. That was the night that it happened." Mary said. "I mean- they all saw you two go to the Bathroom- what did he think Avery was doing-"

"Killing puppies." Lily muttered sarcastically.

"Not even Daniel kills puppies." Madeline said. "Although he once threatened to give Aslan dry food, so he is practically an animal-killer."

"Daniel's got a big heart, Mads." Dorcas said. "He's so nice to you now. He really is."

"He told Justin." Madeline said.

"Justin is ringing up the school every day trying to make sure Avery's expelled. Daniel is just a boy with a lot of energy and he did the right thing." Dorcas said.

Twenty-Three Days Earlier

"Madeline?" Daniel Clarke asked, as she walked to the library, guarded by Lily Evans and Dorcas Meadowes. He walked up to her, as he never did, but launched into a hug. "Madeline-"

The two siblings never really interacted with each other, given Madeline's hidden intellectualism and Daniel's immaturity and James Potter idolisation. There was nothing in common, but they were quite similar. Both were young enough to remember the thrush of the divorce- both remembered their father's cruelty- Justin's brokenness- Liesel's kindness- their mother's absence and image-obsessed nature. They both just wanted to be loved.

"Madeline." He said in rapid-fire French so no one understood him. "Steve Abbott told me that you went to talk to McGonagall. I- I-"

Madeline's lip began to tremble- Daniel squeezed her tighter. The blonde hair seemed to merge, Daniel in his fourth year glory creeping up to her height. "Do you want me to write to Justin?"

"No." She said, "I'll tell over Christmas-"

"But two detentions- Madeline- that's not fair, it's just not, he can't do that- he can't- he can't- I-"

"Boys will be boys and I will always be a liar."

"But- you're not."

"I'm dumb when they want me to be but clever enough to pull this off." Madeline shrugged, the thickest, most protective black Alice band biting into her ears. "It doesn't matter."

"It does." Daniel said. "I- Come to Hogsmeade with me. I'll get you hot chocolate, ok? I- I'm no Justin, but I can help."

"I just want Liesel." Madeline whispered.

"Call her."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because she's too busy."

"Liesel would drop everything for you."

"I can't call Liesel." Madeline said. "Because then we all admit that she's been more of a mother to me than Mum ever was, and then we'll be admitting how broken everything is, and then I'll have nothing to live for. But I won't tell Mum, because Mum will say there are greater things in the world, but she'd be happy because I'm 49 kilograms, but she'd be horrified, because Remus left me. Not even the poor boys care to stay. I'm a disappointment if there ever was one. God."

And then she ran to the bathroom and cried, like she had done every day for the past month.

But Justin Clarke was rung up by Daniel- he allegedly spent 100 pounds on a phone bill trying to get the School Board to expel Edward Avery (to no avail). Madeline was allocated fifteen minutes of private time in the common room by Frank Longbottom, who felt very guilty about his involvement in the 'June Days', as it was now called, and arranged for Liesel to call Madeline every night.

"We cannot change Avery. Or the Nepotism of the school board." Marlene said. "But you know who pisses me off to no avail?"

"Your father freezing his vodka?"

"People who only know Rhiannon?"

"People who walk slow?"

"Your step sisters coming up to talk to you while you're flirting with Tim Williams?"

"They are not yet my stepsisters, but they are very adorable, and they are being bullied by some idiot in Hufflepuff- God, why did they have to be in Hufflepuff? No, the person at the moment who is irritating me at the very moment is Leah Matthews, that sour, off-colour, fake blonde, fungus-looking bitch. The cuntiest of cunts." Marlene said, fanning her face. "Mary, get me a cigarette. Even just thinking of her makes me have an allergic reaction."

The four girls looked at each other.

"I know we are collectively mad at Lupin," Dorcas began diplomatically, "But I will say- he has handled this whole-"

"Situation?"

"Monstrosity?"

"Affair," Dorcas said diplomatically, "Very well."

Regarding Desperati

Remus Lupin was waiting outside the Hufflepuff Common Room unwillingly, for rounds with Leah Matthews, when he saw that she had box-dyed her hair blonde. It sort of frizzed and crackled and looked rather static. For tactical reasons, Leah Matthews chose not to mention her current gossip theory- that Madeline Clarke was sleeping with Edward Avery, got caught, and lied about whatever she claimed he did to her to get away with it. Idiot Gryffindors.

"I got it done professionally." She told him, as she walked, wearing perfume suspiciously like a knock-off attempt to recreate Madeline's favourite Jo Malone, a sort of tacky floral that made his nostrils flare and his asthma threaten to arrive. Remus gave a farce of a smile and continued, in total silence. "And actually, oh my god, Olivia was telling me- I think Liam Alton is either sleeping with Cordelia King, or Lina Hoffman, because he sometimes sits with them in class, and-"

"Actually." Remus said, growing irritated. "Lily's my friend, so I appreciate not hearing that sort of thing. And Cordelia's friends with M- um- I used to be somewhat friendly with her, but there's no way Lina or Cordelia have the time right now to be sleeping around."

"Oh." Leah said, rather downheartedly. "Oh well. You know- goodness- even I understand- I'm totally failing Biology and Chem. Is there anyone you know who can tutor me?"

"Um yeah." Remus said, amazed at her shamelessness, "You know, Snape is actually really good at Chem-"

"Sordid, off-colour bitch." Mary said. "I cannot believe she dyed her hair blonde to look like Madeline."

"That's not even his type." Marlene said. "Obviously, having light coloured hair helps-"

"He fancied Alice for two days." Madeline whispered shamefully.

"Yes, yes, but if you look at me, you, Meridia Diggory and Alice, we all have larger than life personalities and are not very conventional. We are very loud people, you know. He clearly is attracted to people who speak their mind and things."

"Madeline's quieter than a mouse."

"Yes, because she's rather shy, especially now, because of that fungus cow Leah Matthews, but when she's happy and about, she is rather other-wordly." Lily said defensively. "It makes perfect sense. She is unconventional in every manner, which is what I like about her, because unconventional people make for great friends."

Madeline blushed.

"It's horrid." Madeline said. "I almost feel bad for her. It's so badly done. It's all- frizzy- and staticy- and brassy- and it looks like her hair is going to melt off. She really is quite ugly."

"It's her character." Dorcas said. "And honestly- what she has done- has she no loyalty to her sex?"

"It's totally unfeminist." Mary said. "I read a book on it, you know. Why women can be such cunts to each other. Over the summer. It's a disgrace to her gender."

"Gender traitor."

"I would've never done it to her." Madeline said. "If- if- if Avery did what he did- I would've been up in arms-"

"Yes, you would've." Marlene said. "Even I would've, because Leah Matthews does not deserve it, despite her sour-looking rat face. But to spread a lie like that-"

"And for what?" Dorcas said. "It's not as if Avery gives her any attention. He literally said she looks chronically constipated in Chemistry last month. And Tommy Shane- well-"

"Hey!" Tommy Shane said, walking up to Madeline, the thick of November wrapped around her face. She had been accompanied by Dorcas Meadowes, who gave him a positive glare. "Hey- um- Clarke- can I talk to you for a second?"

"No." Dorcas said.

"Are you Clarke?" Tommy Shane said, making a face.

"No, but I know what you want to say."

"Which is?"

"You want to ask her out."

"And if I do?"

Dorcas rolled her eyes and brought Madeline towards her. Madeline, who was wearing the thickest alice band known to man, brought her satchel towards her chest like some sort of protective gear.

"Well then?" Tommy Shane asked. "Will you go with me to Hogsmeade?"

"Is your name Remus Lupin?" Madeline asked.

"Um- no." Tommy Shane said.

"Then I have no interest in going with you." Madeline said. "And please leave me alone. I don't want to be around a perverted twat like you ever again."

"He looked in absolute shock." Dorcas said. "I have never seen Madeline so- so- so- assertive."

"He literally tried to take photos of us to make some waterproof wank book." Lily said. "And had the gall to ask Madeline out. What a disgusting, foul, loathsome, idiotic man. Honestly. This whole shambles has made Potter look like a gentleman."

"He and Frank take me to Art, when you have Chem." Madeline said. "He gets detention for it, for being late, you know."

"We know." Mary sighed. "He's so- depressed. I've never seen James Potter more downhearted in my life."

"Leah Matthews is just horridly upset because Tommy Shane fancies Madeline now and Madeine is trying to take control of her narrative and she has always been jealous of her because she's far prettier, nicer and more well-liked." Lily declared. "And telling the whole school that-"

Regarding Narratives and Lies

"I'm telling you, she's made up half of this shit." Leah Matthews declared.

Madeline was crying in the bathroom when she realised the world was truly against her.

It had been a regular occurrence, because she hated how Edward Avery looked at her, with a mixture of lust and hatred, for ruining his reputation, for daring to defy, because she hated how everyone now looked at her, with a mixture of curiosity and disgust. She hated how everyone spoke down to her. She hated how her father was ignoring her letters- again. She hated how Frank Longbottom babied her. She hated how Ethan McDougal looked away when he saw her. She hated how Remus stared at her, all lovingly and guilty and perfectly, but she desperately wanted to be with him and cry, knowing he made everything better.

"She's missed English again."

"She got special permission. From McGonagall."

"Bloody Hell."

"It just seems awfully convenient, you know? Like- one month- I mean- what did you hear-"

"My sister says that she walked right into the common room after having snogged Ethan McDougal and didn't even know the definition of molestation."

"Good God! Even I know the definition of molestation. Crikey- I'm telling you- this is some far-fetched ploy to get Remus back."

"Oh, so he's Remus now, huh?"

"Well, we do patrol together."

"God, Leah, you're giggling. What do you even talk about?"

"All things, really."

"Like what? How you want to snog his face off-"

"I do not, Olivia. Just because you like to shag your boyfriend in broom closets does not mean that I reduce myself to such low heights. Who do you think I am? Madeline Clarke?"

"What'd you think of the new hair?"

"Stunning."

"It looks so good on you, Leah, you have no idea-"

"Thanks, Liv." Leah said. "Whatever. Tommy totally believes me, right? I mean- he's a smart guy. Like, really smart. It's clear as day what she's doing."

"I guess. Steve Abbott and Frank Longbottom were all up in arms-"

"Ah yes. Frank Longbottom, who got with his best friend's ex-girlfriend, and Steve Abbott, who cheated on her, are trustworthy witnesses. If I was Avery, I'd be so upset."

"Can you sue a student for libel and slander?"

"I dunno." Leah said. "I hope not- or else we'd be in trouble long ago- goodness- did you see Cordelia King today- apparently she's sitting with Evans and McKinnon in Physics- goodness. My father would die if I took Physics. It's so unbecoming. So unfeminine."

"Apparently her and Lina Hoffman have sworn off men."

"Lina Hoffman's slept with everyone and anyone. I don't know how Lily looks at her- knowing that she slept with her boyfriend- Well. She's burnt all her bridges. Probably gave Josh that greasy patch near his balls-"

"That was told to you in confidence, Leah."

"Oh, confidence smonfidence." Leah muttered. "You could get pimples- you know. Oral sex gives you a chronically confused look- probably why Madeline looks the way she does-"

Madeline wet her eyes and walked out to the sink, where the three Hufflepuffs gawked at her, as she adjusted her hair and did her lipstick, pulling down her skirt and taking out her copy of Hamlet from her embroidered satchel, the bookmark right before Act Four, Scene Seven. She took a good, long look at Leah Matthews's new box-dyed, blonde, frizzy, static, crackling hair, although Leah stood there frozen in fear. "You look really pretty, Leah. With that hair. Blonde suits you."

You know the scary thing was, as she heard her very worst fear come around her (being called a liar), she really meant it. The compliment. It came to her as soon as she said it. It just slipped out.

"I cannot believe you just said that. You look pretty today-" Marlene said. "If I heard that cow- yeast-infection-looking bitch- talking shit about me in the bathroom- I would've said- you look like your mother drank while she's pregnant- half withered inbred Medusa- absolute cunt-"

"Well." Mary said. "That's all she'll ever be. A bathroom liar."

"The diarrhoea of Hogwarts who gets an A in Geography." Lily scoffed. "Geography."

Madeline let out a long sigh. "Now she's going to hate Dorcas."

"And Lily, please tell me, you're going to break up with Liam." Dorcas said. "He really is acting like a total pig-"

Lily Evans and Liam Alton were lying on the grass, not talking, as they often did. Anxious handwriting composed a letter to Liam Alton's mother; numb, pale hands flicked through Rebecca.

"Nice day." Liam finally said, not bothering to ask Lily about the sole subject that her life now revolved around, not bothering to comment on how unjust Slughorn was acting, how unlike him it was, although they both knew it was tremendously like Slughorn to follow the advice of his moneyed parent.

"Nice day." Lily smiled.

"Could be worse." Liam said, rolling onto his back. Lily pulled up his sweater and began drawing constellations on his forearm, a poor imitation of what she used to do with Sev. She traced it.

It was a rather muscular forearm. It was a rather nice forearm. Liam Alton may have earned himself the ironic reputation of the 'Monologuer', but Lily had the rare gift of being one of the few that drew a smile. Liam Alton may have lied about his height, but he was dreadfully handsome, in a sort of tan, brown-haired, sharp cheekbone sort of way.

"Good book?"

"I like it." Lily sighed. "Escapability is in surplus."

Liam said nothing at that. Lily tilted her head.

"It's making me think. You know. The book. Sometimes, I fear I love you more than you love me."

"I'm scared of that, too."

It took Lily a moment to realise that they were talking about the same thing.

"At least he's not as boring as Henry Sutherland." Lily said, with a homicidal smile.

"We don't talk about Henry Sutherland, alright?" Dorcas sighed, rolling onto her face, "He just- is- he just- exists, you know? Nothing much to hate-"

"Nothing much to love." Marlene said, trying to push her boobs out of her bra to ensure maximum cleavage.

With Regards to the Unoffensive

The incident and person they were referring to was the very first person to ask Dorcas Meadowes out- Henry Sutherland, a rather inoffensive character from Hufflepuff, whose only apparent flaw was the decision to grow a rather thick moustache that held him in great favour with the rest of the male cohort (given the ability to grow a proper moustache was a rare one).

Enabled by a common biology class (Dorcas, upon a handful of unwanted and most likely racially motivated comments, fancied herself a paediatrician and made the appropriate course changes), Henry Sutherland approached her, first with three well-executed jokes about the state of Professor Sprout's hair and other likewise romantic topics. As she walked out, thinking about Sirius Black's birthday party, satchel prim against her hip, hair carefully pulled behind her face, he made the appropriate question.

"Hey- I was wondering- would you fancy going to Hogsmeade with me?" He said, rather politely, rather inoffensively, rather uninspiringly.

Dorcas blinked.

It had not occurred to her that her beauty and newfound interests would translate to romantic gain with the masses. Hence, she had not considered ever being asked out. Marlene turned down boys most regularly. Madeline's affinity for having a boyfriend suddenly made sense- being pretty and single meant you collected the affections of the mediocre.

"Oh!" She said, as her friends walked away, convinced it was a done and dusted matter- Dorcas was simply unavailable- "Well, I'm sorry- I'm just so busy- with training- and running- and Potter's giving us ghastly new drills- and A-Level- I just don't see how I could be very committed. To a relationship. You know. Nothing against you, of course, it's just- I don't think I could muster the time. I barely see my friends, as is-"

Her body language gave no indication of mistrust and thus, Henry Sutherland, being an inoffensive, uninspiring, polite figure, walked away rather unbothered.

As did Dorcas, who immediately went to change, so she could help James Potter set up the cones for her least favourite drill- up and down suicides. Dorcas Meadowes did not have time for a boyfriend. Dorcas Meadowes wanted to play rugby, for Madeline and Lily to stop crying, for winter to become the winter of cinnamon and vanilla, to get top marks in Chemistry.

"Well, he may be inoffensive, but he certainly did not fall to the lows of Liam Alton-" Dorcas announced. Oh, Lily don't cry-"

Lily sniffled. "He was so horrid."

Madeline frowned. "You mustn't break up with him because of me- you fancied him for ages-"

"But what he did was unforgivable!" Lily declared.

"And he's boring." Dorcas said.

"And he just wants you fawning over him." Marlene announced.

"He lied to you about his height." Dorcas said.

"But he's so handsome." Mary noted to herself. "And clever."

"Unhelpful!" Dorcas said. "Lily, I command you to break up with him. He is officially un-dreamy. I un-dreamied him. Dick."

"Let's meet up." Liam had said, one night in the thick of November, in an abandoned classroom Lily was using to escape her thoughts and her anger at her boyfriend.

Lily looked up from her chemistry textbook. He had not asked her once about Madeline. He had not noticed once that she had barely spoken to Professor Slughorn- he had not once noticed that she had cried in Physics twice.

And he had said- that- she couldn't even tell her friends- she felt so ashamed-

"I can't." She said.

"Oh?" He said, because Lily generally tried to rearrange her schedule to suit Liam's whim to see her.

"I have a lot going on."

"Right." He said. "But normally-"

"I rearrange things. I can't. Not right now."

"Oh. Ok."

"I'll see you on patrol." She said, taking her books with her.

Liam watched her leave. The fear that Sirius Black had planted in him- that she was using him- twinged, if a little. It was utterly ridiculous, looking back, a vast exaggeration of his own self worth. Liam Alton was not that important in the grand scheme of things. He was not even that important in the grand scheme of Lily Evan's life.

In fact, if anyone had the right to claim victim, it would be Lily, but the streaks of conflict had not permeated the narrative around them yet. Narratives can do that, you know. Say enough and fiddle with the strings a little bit and anything can change.

Aslan let out a great big meow in Dorcas's lap- Madeline took out a sigh.

"He hates James' new cat." Madeline muttered, "Come Aslan- you can have a treat. As long as you let me oil your fur, ok? You need to be so shiny that you can look like a star- yes- good job, Aslan."

"I'm telling you, there is something fishy going on with Cordelia King and James Potter. They know too much about each other for two people whose conversations should only consist of felines." Marlene muttered.

"The day Cordelia King loses her virginity is the day Lily fails a chemistry test." Mary muttered.

"Has no one seen her gigantic hickey?" Marlene shrieked.

"Oh, who cares?" Dorcas said. "She wants to do what she wants to do. Besides, she wants to wait. That's respectable, right?"

"Maybe they're not sleeping together, but something is going on." Marlene said, pointing her french iron in Lily's direction and nearly setting her curtains alight. "And I will find out."

(A McKinnon is Always Right)

"Hey." James Potter said, sliding next to Cordelia as she passed him a tiny little kitten. "You look really nice today."

"You forgot this morning." Cordelia said. "So we have to meet in public."

"Oh." James said. "Look- I'm sorry- but you know how it's been-"

"Then don't agree to make plans you can't keep." Cordelia said, looking at him rather angrily. "We meet in public, so we can't kiss. Here, have this kitten. It's a boy. He's my favourite."

A little kitten mewed and kicked as James held him, tabby marks around his face but with Siamese colouring. "So Hawking was getting some from some street cat, huh?"

"Hawking has dignity."

"And you didn't sterilise her."

"My mother believes it's wrong."

"Doesn't your mother check your you-know-what for your virginity?"

Cordelia stared at him. "How'd you know that?"

"Sirius."

"And why would Sirius know that?"

"Because he saw us. In the French Tower."

"And what was he doing in the French Tower?"

That was an excellent question. Sirius was saying hello to a lot of people nowadays who he did not normally know and he was missing. James assumed it was something to do with the newfound post-shagging Carmen Parisi effect (who Sirius said was the best shag of his life), but truth be told, the chaos of this month meant that everything preceding 10 o'clock that night was mostly forgotten.

"Well. You can tell Lina."

"I'll tell her over Christmas."

"Why then?"

"Because if I tell her now, she'll castrate you."

"Why?"

"Because you haven't asked me out yet."

Ah.

There it was. Cordelia King looked at him rather hopefully, but then when he didn't react, she looked away. If she had any dignity, she would've left him then and there. But she did not.

"Do you want me to ask you out?"

Cordelia shrugged. It was not affirmative, so James did not. It was cruel, he knew, but he figured after Christmas, Cordelia King would run out of things to talk about, realise she was worth something, leave him and date Carter Boot, or something, and make things painfully awkward for James. Whatever.

"What are you going to name him?" She asked.

"Gertrude." James said.

"Absolutely not."

"Then perhaps Schrodinger."

"Oh- that's-" Cordelia said, through gritted teeth. "That's terrible. That's about a dead cat-"

"Do you understand Schrodinger's Cat?"

"Of course I do, but it's rather gruesome."

"I think it's wonderful. It was revolutionary and it fits. Schrodinger-slash-Gertrude Potter. What an excellent cat. You can be our mascot."

"Madeline would love him."

"She would."

"Madeline came to visit the kittens today. She cried."

"She does a lot of that."

"Well, do we blame her? Everyone's so horrible. Leah Matthews is a horrid witch for telling everyone that she lied and I took twenty points today for saying some really horrible things, because I think it's wrong."

"Good on you."

"Well, you're being really rude." Cordelia said. "And I don't like it."

"Are you going to stomp your feet while you're at it?"

"I understand you are having a terrible month, but everyone's had a horrible November."

James Potter bit his lip, avoided saying something he shouldn't have and avoided saying something he ought to (this whole affair is slightly ridiculous and melodramatic and doesn't really have a point and probably should be ended as of right now). He got up, dropped Schrodinger in his cloak pocket and wished her a good day.

"Speaking of James Potter," Lily said, "I will give credit where credit is due. He is the only male who isn't causing even more pandemonium in my life than usual, which is rare, because where there is pandemonium, there is usually James Potter's sticky fingerprints all over it."

"Truly respectable." Dorcas said.

"Very noble." Marlene muttered.

"Coming into his own, I think."

"I really respect it. Submitting himself for detention. Even though it technically lapsed. It was honourable." Lily said. "Perhaps it's the cat."

A Remedy

"Professor?"

"Potter."

"Do you mind if I sit?"

"As long as it's not cover for your shenanigans-"

"No- I have rugby practice in twenty minutes. Sacred, you know."

"Well, glad to see you have some morality in you."

"It's from my mother, Professor."

She resisted a smile, but stirred her tea. "If you are here to petition for justice for Mr. Avery, I remind you of the irony."

"No Mam, I'm actually- well. Can you give me fifteen detentions?"

"Fifteen detentions?"

"I was thinking. You know. About what Avery deserved. And then I thought- 15 detentions. But then I realised that I did the same- and it's sort of- the guilt. It's too much. It's not fair on Frank. Or if Avery does it again- or some pervert does something like that to another girl- I'm watching Rosier, by the way, he looks like he's up to something- I don't want to set a- I don't know the word-"

"Precedent?"

"Precedent, Miss, yes. So- I'll see you on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?"

"The days you don't have rugby practice at night?"

"I schedule rugby practice around on the days you give detention, Mam."

"Honoured."

"I am trying to get the school record. Beat the Prewetts."

"Are you friends with them? That explains a lot, actually-"

"Family acquaintances- Miss."

"Very well. I think my classroom is in need of a clean, don't you think, Mr Potter?"

"As long as it isn't biology."

"We'll have to arrange that, then."

"Oh, Miss, you wouldn't."

"The Sixth Years have a photosynthesis lab-"

"Not photosynthesis, Mam- anything but that-"

"It'll do you good-"

"Kill me now- Kill me now-"

"See you, Mr. Potter. I think this is the right course of action. We all have to carry our crosses."

"I'll make sure Avery carries his, I swear to you."

"I won't have vigilante justice, Potter."

"A wise woman once said in times of war, a higher power applies, Professor."

"I didn't know you believed in God."

"Believe in myself." He shrugged. "See you Friday."

"I think it's really respectable." Mary declared, "And his cat is so cute."

"Oh, Siamese cats are so adorable." Marlene smiled. "Almost as nice as tabbies- Mary Junior, no- that is my favourite bag of chocolate- you will get diarrhoea-"

"James Potter said to me that they all sat around him and tried to make him the Marauder mascot." LIly said, with a suppressed smile. "They didn't know how to take care of him. He ended up snuggling in Peter's arms for days on end."

"When Peter looks better than you, you know you've messed up." Dorcas muttered. Lily threw a shoe at her.

"I will break up with him, ok!" Lily said. "I know what he said was unforgivable. But don't insult poor Peter. He only fancies you. He isn't a creep about it."

"It's just so awkward." Marlene shrugged.

"You know what's awkward?" Dorcas said. "Having to look at Liam Alton- after he said what he said-"

"Totally undreamy." Marlene agreed.

Catalyst

Liam Alton had not properly seen Lily Evans in a week. This was, of course, problematic, because Mr. Alton had the underlying, paralysing fear that Lily had taken advantage of him. She had not. Lily Evans just desperately wanted to be loved and to have some security in her life.

Lily was in a classroom, trying to work on her maths, a bag of chocolates decimated on her lap, trying not to cry. The Slytherins had stared at Madeline with great larceny, the Great Strip Tease, as if she had murdered the soul of the school, burnt down their dormitory. She barely spoke anymore. All she did was cry and cry and cry. All she did was push away her food. She had nothing in her anymore.

Of course, Liam hadn't really processed this. He was gifted in the ability to entertain himself, to disassociate from the social matters of the hour, to blur out things and focus entirely on the matters of his mind. It was how he was able to do so well, an inherent ability. He did not listen to Cordelia and Lina half the time- it was how he had avoided falling in love with the both of them.

He had not realised that his dissociation would present itself as dislike. It only confirmed the fear that all her Gyrffindor friends had implanted in his mind- that she was using him to move on from something-

He slid next to her, which was the first strike, because Lily flinched, her bag of chocolates falling to the floor, immediately searching for an alias, for the crime of yet another binge, that had transgressed into the early afternoon. Lily folded her attempts to feign innocence. She was too tired to make small talk.

So there was silence.

"You have a biology lab coming up, don't you?"

Lily did not want to speak about her biology lab- she did not want to talk about school- she did not want to talk about his rugby games. She wanted him to listen about Madeline, and Avery, to know that her boyfriend was an ally in a war that was not supposed to have been fought.

"Mhm." She said, "Photosynthesis."

Although Liam was, to his core, a very nice person, even that sort of fawning can take someone over the edge. Lily was slowly learning the gift of humility, although all her efforts were now entirely focused on passing Chemistry and Further maths and ensuring Madeline got to bed unharmed, but Liam was slowly amassing a sort of James Potter egotistical approach to life that meant he was very uncomfortable with the fact that Lily had not made any effort to see him outside of class nor was he comfortable with the notion that Lily was using him.

"Should be easy."

"Mhm."

"You look tired."

"Mhm."

"Chemistry does that to the best of us, I guess."

"It's not Chemistry, Liam." LIly said, with a great big scowl, already overwhelmed by Madeline's instability and Liam's apparent indifference to it, and now the threat of being exposed, with the incriminating bag of chocolates lying on the floor. It was perhaps an instinct from being friends with Severus Snape all those years- that any consumption of sugar was wrong, and she would be shamed for it, as a way for him to assert her power. "Chemistry is fine. Well, Slughorn doesn't love me anymore, but I think with a bit of arse-kissing and selling my principles, I should get my A*."

"He does that, sometimes."

"Mhm."

Every so often in a school cycle, there is a sort of revolution, a minor disturbance, however you define it, in the school social structure. You will always have your top dog, but an accumulation of compliments and collective awe suddenly pushes someone into the spotlight every once in a while.

It happened to Lily Evans (until she developed a minor form of anxiety). It was now happening to Liam Alton. One does not forget the true-blue loyalists, the people who did not rely on social status to inform their decisions (Claire Oliver comes to mind), but a good deal of people suddenly looked up from their roast potatoes at lunch and gone- Hey. Liam's actually really, really smart. Good at rugby, too, probably one of the best in his year. And pretty nice too.

It often translates to a pretty large ego boost and an inability to recognise other people's emotions.

"Why don't we get some chocolate from the kitchens?"

"I'm alright, thanks."

"But you like chocolate."

"Not at the moment."

"But aren't you- don't girls-"

He stopped for a moment, confused, but swallowed.

"Don't girls like chocolate when they're on their period?"

Lily gawked at him.

"We can get hot chocolate- or cake- I don't know- I would give you a mars bar- I know you really like them at the moment- but I don't have any-"

Lily, who normally threw things at people when they said things like that, swallowed, calmly collected her things, and got up, trying to hide the floating, incriminating plastic bag formerly full of mars bars under the table.

"You haven't even asked about her." She said, "About Madeline."

"Madeline?"

"You know. The fact that Avery only got two detentions."

"Yeah, well there's nothing we can change about that!"

"Doesn't make it right! And don't tell me I sound like Cordelia and Lina. Please don't. Because then, I'll really be angry."

"But you do."

"Well, we aren't a monolithic thinking body. Have more respect for Cordelia and Lina."

"I do. It's just they all say the same thing. There's nothing to add to the discussion. What are we supposed to do? Say it sucks and whine and sit here in time?"

"No- that's not- Gah!" Lily said, getting up and walking out, before her temper got the best of her. "They are not a monolithic thinking body. And there is nothing wrong with us all thinking there is something collectively unjust here, about how Avery got his daddy to pull him out- about he just outright denies it- doesn't even- have the gall- to blame her- or lie and admit he did something- just outright denies it-"

"Avery is Avery." Liam shrugged, saying the practised, approved, diplomatic response. "There's nothing we can do about him."

"But we can! He ought to be expelled- he ought to be castrated- how would you feel if he did the same to me?"

"He wouldn't."

"Well, what does that mean?"

"I wouldn't let him!"

"Oh, gosh, you are going to follow me to the bathroom to make sure perverts like Rosier don't follow me and put their hands up my skirt?"

"Well, he wouldn't. Guys don't do that to other guys' girlfriends."

"She was dating Remus."

"Yeah, well he's Lupin."

Lily got so visibly angry that her face went red- she blinked twice to calm herself down- hoping her temper wouldn't get the best of her. It reminded her of how Severus used to talk to her, about how he would dismiss her queries about Avery, about how he wasn't 'so bad', of how her father would say he would 'bring home the money', but then he never did. Liam Alton was supposed to be stable- he was supposed to be a solid rock- that was what attracted her to him. Perhaps it was anger, mixed in with disappointment.

"Liam, he's my friend. Despite dumping Madeline, he was still my friend. And that's a really messed up thing to say. I'm going to pretend that you didn't just say that."

"I don't get it." Liam said. "I don't get why you three girls are all up in arms-"

"Because that cunt- Leah Matthews- she's told everyone Madeline lied- and it's completely unjust and-"

"Have you ever considered that she might be right?" Liam said, getting up to leave, "That Clarke might be up to something nefarious."

Lily got so angry she nearly slapped Liam, but she did not. She clutched her satchel for support, taking a hauntingly deep breath. "You do not get to say that."

"Lina once said Madeline looked at Avery funny."

"Oh, so you take an offhand comment from Lina, that probably proves Madeline's story- the fact that she was probably scared out of her wits-"

"It was from fifth year."

"He scares everyone shitless! He carries a knife! He likes to throw it around- near first years- he once drowned a kitten-"

"So you're just going to ignore a comment from Lina!"

"Because it's an offhand comment!"

"Because it's from Lina."

"Oh, so you think I'm judging her, now?"

"I want you to give her some respect, that's all! She's my friend!"

"That's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. Do you hear yourself? Do you actually hear yourself? I like Lina, alright? She's my friend, too. Not as close as you are, but she's my friend. I don't ever bring up the fact that you've slept together-"

"Everyone who's worth something has slept with Lina, don't take it too seriously-"

"You don't get it." She said, slamming her chair as she got out. "You just don't get it. I sleep with her, every night, because she's petrified. She's lost so much weight. She barely eats. She's so scared, she barely goes to class. She sometimes gets so worked up she can't breathe. And now everyone's saying that she's lying- that she's doing it for attention- Madeline hates attention-"

"Then why does she act like she wants it all the fucking time?"

"Because Madeline just wants people to be happy. That's all. She's only ever been kind, sweet and loyal to me, and to all my friends. She let me stay at her house in the Summer because I was sad and she spent the whole summer trying to make me happy- she's the least deserving person of this-"

"Well, that clearly worked." Liam muttered. "And don't come at me with the 'she barely eats'- you barely eat-"

"And maybe you should ask why!"

"Well, then, why?"

"Because- because-"

But Lily couldn't answer, and so she left.

Liam Alton did not talk to Lily Evans for a week after that- he was too proud to admit he was wrong and she was too principled to accept anything less than a hard-wrenching apology.

Of course, Liam was burdened by the fact that Abbott was all up in arms about Avery and called off practice. It was terribly inconvenient, but in the grand scheme of things, one questions the deal of suffering he endured compared to others, for example, the fact that Lily had:

A greatly developing eating disorder, which in part came from Liam's passive belief in her body (while Lily was alright with this, given the history of how Mr. Snape treated hers, Liam never really published a manifesto of his attraction, never complimented her, never really made her feel good about it- she believed in order to attract men like Liam Alton, one had to be completely thin).

A sister who wished her dead.

A dead father.

Or perhaps, take Madeline Clarke, who had been sexually violated in a routine manner, or Marlene McKinnon, who had a dead mother, unable and too ashamed to discuss the origins, or Dorcas Meadowes, who was the butt of every Slytherin's joke for nothing deserved.

The moral of the story- Lily did not talk to him. She ate her lunch alone. She sat next to Lina Hoffman in Chemistry. Lina, of course, inquired, which led to an inevitable scene in the common room.

"I mean," Lily said, with a wicked grin. "I got my revenge."

"Lina can be so scary." Mary said, with a shiver. Madeline shook her head, while knitting.

"She reminds me of a potato." Madeline said. "She just likes to yell."

"She punched Leah Matthews and threw her against a wall." Dorcas said.

"You know I caught her sleeping with Avery on my first patrol?" Lily giggled. "Times have changed."

"She threw Leah Matthews against a wall." Dorcas said to herself. "Don't ever mess with Lina Hoffman."

"ABBOTT." Lina Hoffman said, marching down the stairs. "STEVE ABBOTT."

It is inadvisable to cross Lina Hoffman, given that she has no moral fault lines of her own. She will ruin your life. No doubt about it.

But the beauty of Lina Hoffman was that she was incredibly loyal. You do not cross her friends, or else she will ruin your life and your next.

Steve Abbott, of course, knew this, and sat up fearing for his life. He was greatly relieved when she pointed at Liam.

"Lina, what's wrong?" Said Cordelia, innocently coming up the stairs. Unfortunately for Cordelia King, she had a very large hickey on her neck, which she had not become aware of.

"You have a hickey on your neck." Said Bertram Aubrey. Cordelia went red.

"You lost your virginity without me?" Lina said, immediately switching gear. "You lost your virginity without me?"

"I'm a virgin!" Cordelia said, her voice going high-pitched (she was a virgin, but only a half-virgin as of this morning, or a quarter virgin, as of this afternoon).

"Hickey says otherwise." Carter Boot said.

"Lina, I'm very busy-" Steve Abbott said.

"No, you're not, you're going to have your mid-week shag with some Slytherin, which is gross, by the way, honestly, in the prefect's bathroom. She can miss some below-average sex."

"Didn't you-" Bertram Aubrey said, from behind a newspaper, pulling it down to reveal a full-fledged patchy beard, which he negotiated for after Cordelia and Lina practically attacked him with a razor one night in the Boy's Dorm, on the promise there would be no bacon bits (a once-a-week spinach slip up was tolerated).

"That's how I know it's below-average, alright? And everyone lost their virginity to me, so that's saying something."

"Lina, spit it out." Steve said, looking at Liam Alton for support.

"Mr-Came-In-Four-Strokes here," Lina said, glaring at him, "Apparently said that Madeline is a liar. That's why he and Lily are fighting. Because he said Madeline lied, and he's lucky Lily didn't castrate him on the spot-"

Steve Abbott looked at him with a great deal of anger.

"Excuse me?" Cordelia said, the gigantic hickey taking away her prefect credibility, "Are you messed up in the head? Did your mother drop you as a child?"

"Absolute moron." Betram said. "I mean, I'm Bertram Aubrey, moustache galore, and even I know that Madeline's no liar. I mean, it's Madeline Clarke. She's the closest this thing has to a church mouse, especially since we are all pretending Cordelia's hasn't been shacking up with some random Hufflepuff again."

"I-am-not-sleeping-with-anyone!" Cordelia screamed.

"Then why do you have a hickey?" Lina said.

"It's not a hickey!" Cordelia said. "I was doing- um- acupuncture."

Bertram Aubrey raised an eyebrow from behind a newspaper.

"You're not playing against Hufflepuff." Steve said to Liam Alton.

"What?" Liam said.

"Sorry." Steve said. "You're not playing Hufflepuff. You can be on the bench. Carter will be fly half."

"But Carter's a rubbish fly half!"

"Thanks." Carter Boot said.

"I don't care." Steve Abbott said. "We're not going to win the cup anyways, because we're not playing Slytherin in January. I've decided. I refuse to play against someone like Avery and a team that supports him."

"Why is this such a big deal to you?" Liam said, getting up. "I'm sorry, but I don't see how this matters more than rugby."

Lina opened her mouth in horror. Even Claire Oliver, Liam Alton's number-one fan, gawked at him, the other two mousy-haired girls making a face.

"Oh no, he didn't." Cordelia said. "Liam, you absolute pig. Can you not be like the rest of the boys and pretend to empathise because you have a sister, or something?"

"I don't have a sister." Liam said.

"Oh my god." Carter muttered. "You actually are comically insane, you know that?"

"Liam." Derek said. "Just- think- can you think-"

"No wonder he never talks." Lina said, "Everything he says is utterly stupid. Eat shit, Liam Alton. Bertram, you can take his place in the dining hall. Liam, eat in your dorm. Do you have any idea how awful it is for her? She goes into bathrooms and she just hears horrid bitches like Leah Matthews saying stuff like- she enjoyed it- she deserved it- she lied- she was sleeping with Avery-"

"As if she hasn't been in love with Remus the minute he stepped in to tutor her." Cordelia said, rolling her eyes.

All eyes turned to Steve Abbott. "What?" Cordelia said. "You were a horrid boyfriend. I'd fall in love with Remus too, if I was her."

"You literally cheated on her." Lina said, making a face. "I would too."

"Didn't you-" Carter Boot said.

"Anyways," Lina Hoffman said, "I hope you die and stuff your two-strokes-before-you-come-4-and-a-half-inch-crooked-cock into a pile of nails, and have to have Madam Pomfrey inspect your balls again for Rubella with a pair of TWEEZERS, you insolent buffoon, and I hope Lily dumps you before she ever lets you touch her in any manner, because clearly you don't understand basic human decency and the idea of respect and consent, you demented mongoose monkey-"

"Not cool, man." Bertram said, getting up and nearly tripping over his shoelaces, "Not cool."

"Totally uncalled for." Carter Boot said, the rest of the Ravenclaw boys following him.

"Alton," Steve Abbott said, "I genuinely don't have words for you. If you want to play again, please apologise and get your act together. Think carefully, or I'm kicking you off the team. I won't have a team that's full of egotistical prats anymore."

"Since when does Steve Abbott have a conscience?" Cordelia whispered to Lina.

"Since when have you been shagging?" Lina whispered back.

"I am not shagging." Cordelia said, going red. "You know my mother would kill me."

"Well, we are all dying to know." Lina said.

"Can't tell you."

Lina made a face. "I don't even have time for your nonsense."

Cordelia stared at Liam Alton, who looked aghast. "I am this close to dumping Bertram's live red ant collection on his bed."

"Already done." Lina whispered back, "Why did you think I came down the stairs?"

"She called him a mongoose monkey, good lord." Dorcas said.

"And put Bertram's red ant farm into his bed." Lily giggled. "Oh, Lina Hoffman is a silver lining in this November Pandemonium. She is so funny."

"Lina's so nice." Madeline sighed. "She's so wonderful. You really can't ask for a better friend. Inter-House friendships are so nice."

"I've never had one." Mary said. "Must be fun."

"They are a pain in the arse." Lily said, "But that's just because I'm in a foul mood with regards to Mr. Mongoose Monologuer Monkey."

"Pig." Dorcas said.

Lily let out a sigh and picked up Hestia.

Finito

Lily Evans was going for a walk on her own, to calm herself down, settling near the stairs in the rugby field, watching the Slytherins practice for their game in January. It enraged her- watching Avery play, with no repercussions, the Slytherin team rallying behind him.

Who knew what they said behind closed doors, about Madeline. About her. About her character. About her nature. Justifying it. Avery probably confessed it, you know, took it as something to be proud of. I stuck my hand up her skirt- she just let me- she just stood there- begging me to stop-

And then they would all laugh and clap him on the back.

It made her feel sick.

It made sense that Winter was creeping up, although it was missing the first fall of snow. Unusually delayed, snow was, especially with a Scottish Winter. Winter, harsh and cruel and demeaning, reducing people to hide behind coats, hide behind closed doors.

Two fingers tapped her on the shoulder and she shrieked, looking around. It was Snape. She had no desire to see him. He had said nothing. He seemed to laugh at the jokes made about Madeline. He, too, had been swept up by the Pandemonium, but there was nothing to say about it. The pandemonium had taken him long ago.

"Can we talk?" He said. "I brought cards."

"You don't want your friends seeing you talking to me." Lily said, "Not after all this."

"I don't care." Snape said. "We can talk out in the open- like old times."

"Old times, huh?" Lily said.

"What does that mean?"

Lily shrugged. "Nothing. I don't really feel like talking. Sorry."

"What?"

"I said I don't really feel like talking. Not at the present."

"Oh." Snape said. "I see. You were talking to Alton, though- and you'll talk to your dorm friends-"

"I can't talk to someone who's friends with that monster." Lily muttered. "I won't be friends with someone who's friends with that monster."

"Lily, you're being unreasonable."

"I'm not." Lily said. "He hurt Madeline, and he's lying about it. It's one thing to hurt her- but then to say she just lied- for attention- that's unforgivable. So, sorry, I don't want to talk to you at the present. Not with everything going on."

"What?" Snape scoffed.

"Madeline, you insolent dunce, the fact that he- he-"

"Avery wouldn't do that."

"Well, then, I've got to go."

"What's your deal? Do you not want to be friends with me?"

"Not you at the present, no, thanks."

"I'm the same as I've ever been."

Lily scoffed at that, but she began to trot down the stairs to walk to the Great Hall. The gritty wind bit her cheeks- she looked over at Avery, yelling at some poor first year. "How can you be friends with him?"

"Well, you don't want to be friends with me."

"You-" Lily said, biting her cheek and twisting her bracelet around her wrist so violently she thought it would peel raw. "You- you-"

"I what? Can't you see? You left this friendship-"

"It wasn't much of a friendship at the end of it."

"I tried so hard- you just went off with your friends- with Meadowes- I mean- you replaced me with her- you should hear what Avery calls her-"

Lily spat in his face.

"I don't really care if you insult me." She shrugged, "But don't insult Dorcas, or Madeline, or Marlene, or Mary, or any of them. You- you can't treat me like you did-"

"How could I treat you like I did when- when-"

"Sev," She said, rather desperately, "You called me a cunt. A fat cunt. You constantly berated me for what I did, who I was friends with, ignored me, then begged for me to come back. There was never ever recognition of me-"

"We always did what you wanted for Hogsmeade- of which you blew me off plenty of times-"

"Because I have other friends! It's really difficult to be friends with someone who's in a different house-"

"You seem to get on with the Ravenclaws just fine-"

"Cordelia and Lina are already friends with everyone- the Marauders hate your guts-"

"So you take their opinion into consideration, now-"

"No, but I am trying to be cordial, for the sake of Madeline-"

"Madeline Clarke is an idiot, who pretends she isn't by spending a fortune on books she pretends to read, who is saved by the fact that she has american oil money and she's pretty enough to marry rich. If she knew what was good for her, she'd apologise to Edward. You know, I reckon he likes her enough. If she had any sense, she ought to marry him."

Lily gawked at him. "Are you not listening?"

"And Liam Alton isn't friends with Potter. He hates his guts, because he's probably still in love with you."

"Is that why you hate him?"

Snape gawked at her.

"No- No- I mean-"

"Marlene thinks that's why. I'm just being honest. But you won't degrade yourself, right? Not to someone my level? My size? My crass nature? You can only be friends with me? Does it disgust you? That you were friends with me? "

"Did you ever-"

Lily scoffed. "Given the way you've become- I think I had some foresight there, didn't I?

"Well, don't complain when I return the favour-"

"You ended this friendship." Lily shrugged. "I don't get it. I don't get why you're so obsessed with the word fat. What does it even mean? Undisciplined? Unhealthy?"

"Unattractive." Severus said coldly.

"Well, you're really not one to judge." Lily said, knowing she was lying, that she was undisciplined in her eating, but Mary was not, and fifth year Lily was not. This was fifth year Lily speaking, in the same manner fifth year Lily was protecting fourth year Lily, who was protecting third year Lily. "And honestly- I get up at five to study. I got top marks on my O-Levels. I can walk up the stairs fine. It's just a word. I'm not letting you have any power. And even though Liam and I are fighting-"

"What a surprise." Sev muttered. "You have a habit, you know? Like your mother did. People leave, and you're desperate enough to take them back. You don't really have much dignity."

Lily winced at that, but she regained her composture. She was dreadfully close to tears. "You're a bit rich to speak on matters of family, Sev. At least my father didn't hit my mum, hey? He was just a dreamer who was incapable of keeping a job. Let's not speak ill of the dead."

His face contorted, because she was one of the few who knew about Spinner's End and the Snapes, about his own horrid Summer. "Don't speak ill of my mother."

"She wishes she were dead, so I won't." Lily said.

He winced at that one, because he knew it was true.

"You're still a cunt." Snape snapped.

"And you're dead to me." Lily shrugged. "You can't have it both ways. You can't be ashamed to be friends with me and then want me to fawn over you, then constantly berate me-"

"And yet you claim this is all about Madeline Clarke."

"Maybe it is." Lily shrugged. "Maybe this is tying up loose ends. But you can't- you can't be friends with him. Not anymore. Not if you want to be friends with me. The situation has challenged it. Madeline Clarke and Dorcas are worth 10 times their weight in gold than whatever this once was, and now are worth their weight a thousand times more than what this is."

"Or perhaps thirty shekels of silver-"

"You betrayed me."

"There was no betrayal, Lily, you've lost your mind-"

"You constantly put me down!"

"I gave you everything."

"That's bollocks, and you know it." Lily scoffed. "Whatever. I guess I've lost Liam, might as well bite the bullet and lose you too, but I think I lost you the minute you decided to be friends with Avery. He's ruined you and now he's ruined Madeline and probably has ruined Liam."

"Avery's done nothing wrong."

But Lily couldn't say what this was all about, which was what was most frustrating. Avery had- had hurt- Hannah. But she couldn't say it. She had no proof. Just her intuition. Just her bones.

"Avery's done everything wrong, and one day you'll be back at my dorm, waiting for me to forgive you."

"Oh, I swear, that won't happen."

"Good. It'll save me energy. Please don't ever talk to me again."

"I hope Alton dumps you."

"I hope Avery leaves you for his new project."

"You said always."

"I said forever and always when you were you." Lily shrugged. "Anything else you want to add, Severus?"

But Snape could not say what this was all about, because he had always known that if he had ever said it, he would've been rebuffed, and the only person who had ever given him a scrap of attention was Lily Evans. At least he had Avery and Mulciber. He could not care what Avery did, because Avery had been loyal to him. It was a matter of priority, of survival. Lily Evan's love could be earned, once she got out of this- this phase. Once her friends let her down, which they would. And then he could forgive her, with open arms.

I suppose the one kink in his plan was that the Gyrffindors had become isolated, in a way, at least for the next few months. That meant undying loyalty. It also meant another thing: a common goal between James and Lily.

Which meant another thing, one thing Severus Snape could not fathom.

I'd argue it was November that really sealed the deal for James Potter and Lily Evans, although they did not know it yet.

"Besides, Liam hasn't even come to say sorry."

"He said sorry to me."

"But he's acting so weird."

"I mean, all his friends hate him now."

"Whatever. I'm totally dumping him."

"If all goes wrong, just start licking yourself like a cat. It totally helps."

LIam Alton was lying in bed when Steve Abbott came up to his dorm to tell him his mother was on line one.

"She sounds frantic." Steve said, making a face.

Liam trudged down to the common room, where Derek was watching him. The silver telephone under his ear, he watched Lina Hoffman give him the finger. Steve Abbott watched with intrigue, but nervously tapped his fingers against a couch. Liam tried not to think of Steve Abbott, because it made him feel guilty. He really did miss Lily very much.

"Mum?"

"Oh, Liam." She said. "It's awful. I don't know who to call. I'm besides myself. Your father's back working- far away, and I can't-"

"Please don't tell me you're getting a divorce." Liam said, although he did not suspect it, because Liam Alton was one of the lucky few Hogwarts students whose parents still contained a shred of love for each other.

"Oh, no, not that." His mother said. "I- I just went to the Doctor, you see. We did some tests-"

"You don't have cancer, do you?"

"No, no. I'm just- pregnant. That's all. And don't tell your brother, please, please, please, because it's still early- and with my age- I might just miscarry-"

"You're too healthy for that."

"The doctor thinks-"

"I hate doctors." Liam said, but his mother began to cry, which made him wince, because he disliked female emotion. Entirely unpractical.

"I know, I know, but never mind- Liam, you're 17- well, nearly- and Derek is already in his fourth year- and I can't have another baby, not with your father away and working- Oh. What am I going to do?"

Liam, who was very close to his mother, writing her letters with great regularity, was still recovering from the confirmation that his parents had strong conjugal relations, and to the fact that there was a baby Alton on the way (plus the facts that everyone had been giving him dirty looks at the moment), took a great big sigh, wished her well, went to his bed, and collapsed.

"Well, Steve Abbott has totally redeemed himself." Lily declared.

"Good on him for having a conscience."

"I can't believe we are in support of Abbott and not Alton."

"And he has the audacity of hitting Avery when it became cool to- but then he was all like 'I was trying to separate them- cunt-"

"He cannot be one of them and then one of us-"

"And yet you still haven't dumped him!"

"It's taxing!"

Altercations

It was the week before the Hufflepuff-Ravenclaw Game; tensions were high. Liam Alton and Lily Evans had not spoken, because Liam Alton was too emotionally dense to realise all that was going around him and Lily Evans was too proud to accept anything less. The Slytherins and the Gryffindors had glared at each other all month long. Guinevere Selwyn very loudly defamed Madeline any chance she got.

It was the most horrible month of the year.

"Chemistry." Mary said, with a loud, definitive sigh. "My punishment for the nightmare I was last year."

"You are not a nightmare." Marlene muttered. "You were just sensitive and took it out on everyone, but who could blame you? Everyone's fifth year is horrid."

"Fifth year is perpetually horrid."

"Sixth year isn't much better." Dorcas observed.

"Only by things we can't control." Lily sighed, glaring at Avery.

"Why on earth are you here?" Dorcas said to Marlene, who was taking out a pack of cigarettes and waiting in line.

"I hate Economics." Marlene scoffed. "I can't believe that they put me in the economics class with all the Hufflepuffs. The entire point of taking Economics was so that I could be in the Economics Class with all the hot people, but all the dumb people don't take chem, but they don't want to take Geography, so they get put in my Economics Class."

"Don't you want to study Economics at Uni?"

"Engineering, obviously. The only good thing about Economics is Tarini Palkar has dumped her friends for me, because she can get closer to Sirius Black. I don't know what she's thinking."

"But he doesn't believe in Monogamy."

"Exactly. He shagged her once and she's convinced that he's going to marry her. Boy ran away from home, but she's captivated. What can I say?" Marlene shrugged. "I have to respect the drive. Anywhoo, I best be going."

She walked away, although Rosier stepped in the middle of the lane, so he bumped into her. Marlene rolled her eyes.

"Watch your step." She said.

"Watch yours."

"Listen you pervert, if you want to follow Mussolini's footsteps over there and stick your hands up my skirt, you better get better at it." Marlene scoffed.

"McKinnon, you don't really believe that, do you?"

"I believe the truth." Marlene said, "And I don't appreciate you standing in front of me and trying to intimidate me. Now, please move. I have Economics."

"You miss half your lessons."

"You stalk me now?"

"I know I get better marks than you."

"Actually, no, I get all A stars, so I think I'm fine. Move, Rosier, or I'll punch you."

"McKinnon." Avery said, "Professor Slughorn says-"

"Whatever your daddy pays him to say. I know the drill. You're a coward, Avery, and a pervert, and a skank and I hope your balls fall off into a meat grinder. We can't all get what we want, don't we? Madeline Clarke will never fancy you back and you still exist, so-"

"Marlene." Dorcas said, walking up to her.

Avery whispered something to Rosier, about Dorcas, which made the two of them scowl. James Potter walked up, notably the first time in a month, which resembled remarkable self-constraint. "You take that back."

"I won't."

"You are horrid." Dorcas said. "You're horrid and you're a liar and I'll remind you we beat you at Rugby."

"To no victory of yours, I imagine."

"Meadowes is immeasurable." James Potter said, with a great deal of seriousness. " Absolutely immeasurable. A real talent. Of course, you wouldn't really know what it's like. To play good rugby. You're proper rubbish- remind me, again- did your daddy write Slughorn a letter to let you in like he did this time-"

Lily walked up with her arms crossed, glaring at the two Slytherin boys, glad Madeline was taking her free period in Frank's dorm with Thelia.

"Lily-" Liam Alton could be heard saying, in the background, "Don't make a fuss-"

"The first time he speaks to me in a week, and it's about this again." Lily scoffed to Dorcas. "Fuck it. Avery, if you do not clear the corridor, I'll have to take points. Let Marlene go through."

"I'll report you for abusing your duty."

"I'll report you for being an idiot with a small cock."

"I ought to speak to Professor Slughorn." Avery shrugged. "You Gyrffindors are making up rumours. Now, I know you're friends with her, and Lupin, yes I'm looking at you, staring at her rather pathetically-"

"You do that, don't you?" Lily scoffed. "Sitting at your table, watching her, following her to the bathroom- please, Avery. Did you enjoy it? Did it make you feel like a man? It's ok. We all know what you're compensating for- don't worry-"

"You're all making up lies, and I'll have Professor Slughorn put you all in detention if you spread more rumours. You're degrading yourself to Huffelpuffs."

"Well," Marlene McKinnon shrugged, "I suppose if I get detention, I might as well do something purposeful."

She gave him a solid upper-cut and spat in his face- Rosier immediately sprung into action- Liam Alton running to seperate them- Avery recoiling, holding his jaw- James Potter running to insert himself- Lily gawking at Marlene, who looked totally unbothered-

"You absolute bitch!" He screamed. "Are you insane? What the fuck is wrong with you? What is fucking wrong with you?"

"I have economics. Alton, give me the detention slip later. I'd like to frame it."

"You psycho!" Mulciber said, as she ran away, "You psychotic cunt!"

"Psychotic?" Mary said, tilting her head. "Marlene's not psychotic. Idiotic, but not pyschotic. Use your language properly."

"Do something, Alton!" Mulciber said, as Wilkes turned to follow Avery, trying to take him to the hospital wing, but Avery refused, glaring at Dorcas Meadowes with great hatred, as if she was the one who punched him herself.

"Why not ask Snivellus?" James Potter mused, as Sirius Black came to enforce him. Remus Lupin looked Edward Avery square in the jaw, for the first time in a month. Avery looked at him even more wickedly.

"Come on, Lupin, don't get the girls to do your bidding. Be a man and punch me yourself. Defend your girlfriend."

"He's not her boyfriend anymore." Lily said. "You made sure of that."

"No one has answered why Avery asked Alton to be the prefect of the hour and not Snape." Sirius Black mused, grinning at the greasy fellow. "Kinda useless, huh? Even your friends know that, I guess."

"I did no such thing." Avery said. "Although, I'll give it to her, she is pretty. Dreadfully daft, though."

Lily Evans was the second Gyrffindor to punch Edward Avery that day and given she had gotten into a few schoolyard fights back in her Cokeworth Primary days, she was perhaps much more effective than Marlene.

"Are you crazy?" Rosier said, screaming in her face. "Just wait till Slughorn sees-"

"Well, be Avery's lackey." She said to Liam. "Give me the detention. I don't care. It's what he deserves. At least I'm man enough to do what you all should've done."

"Well, Evans has some bite to her bark." Sirius Black shrugged.

"Although we knew that."

"One would've expected Meadowes, given the state of her- her kind-" Avery muttered, wincing as he rubbed his eye, although he winced further, because Dorcas aimed a solid kick to his genitals, which was ultimately successful.

="Why are you so obsessed with me?"

"Because you're a- you're a-" Avery said, although he was on his knees, trying to hold it together, but even Mary McDonald gave him a great big bitch-slap across the face.

"Oh, I can't believe I slept with him- you absolute wanker-." Lina Hoffman sighed, as Edward Avery got up, but she too, gave him a nice kick to the balls.

"I think the appropriate thing to do," Liam Alton said, totally panicking, "Would be to wait for Slughorn- and let him decide-"

"Oh, be a man, Liam, and just give us detention." Lina scoffed. "Come on, Cords, come with me to McGonagall. Let's submit ourselves for detention. I don't care anymore. I am not doing chemistry with these perverts, knowing they got away with what they did. I won't have it."

"Oh, Frank will be furious when he hears about this." Cordelia said, but she also gave him a great kick across his face. "Oh, Beana, that felt really good. I think I want to do it again."

Rosier tried to intervene, grabbing her arms, but she scowled and bit him, so hard that she drew blood. Rosier tried to seperate her from him by her hips, forcing some sort of sexual uncomfortability, but James Potter too came in and punched him.

And that was when all hell broke loose.

Even Liam Alton got in a few punches.

Points to Marlene McKinnon, the ultimate trendsetter.

"Like I said, I'm just too popular- everyone is follow me now- even Liam Alton-"

"Oh shut up, Mars."

"I will not. Anyways, I'm glad he got detention-"

"I can't believe we got detention and Avery still only has two- cunt-"

Justice?

The entire sixth-year Gryffindor Cohort (and a few others) was facing Professor McGonagall, say for Peter Pettigrew and Madeline Clarke, who were waiting outside with biscuits, hand-knit scarves and moral support.

"Professor- It wasn't-" Lily said, fiddling with her bracelet, "We're sorry, but we stand by it."

"We?"

"Yes, we." James Potter said. "Your students. Lily, Marlene, Dorcas-"

"You stand by violence?"

"I prefer the term redistribution of justice." James Potter said.

"Or 'getting what they deserve.'" Lily smiled, before looking right at Potter. "Say- Potter- do you remember the stocks we used for that Halloween event-"

"Oh, Bless, you know what- we can arrange- Sirius- do we still have the massive collection of rubber bands-"

"Oh, right by the broom closet- the one that Steve Abbott uses to shag-"

"Used to shag." Cordelia King muttered. "He uses the Prefect's Bathroom now."

"We really must get Frank onto that." Remus said. "It is rather annoying seeing his cock out whenever I want a bath."

"And the noises, too-" Lily muttered.

"Enough!" Professor McGonagall muttered. "You, Miss Evans, are behaving beneath yourself, along with the rest of you-"

"Avery did say Slughorn would give us detention if we said he put his hand up Madeline's pants." Marlene muttered. "So we all kinda assumed that we would get detention, because that's what happened, you see."

"Professor Slughorn, Miss McKinnon." Professor McGonagall muttered.

"Professors deserve that title when they aren't corrupt." Lina Hoffman muttered, "And don't pretend like he isn't, Professor. He's been bought off by Avery's daddy and he's too much of a coward to stand by the truth and protect the students."

"I've read into the rules of the school," James Potter said, pointing up his glasses and taking out the School Handbook, "And If you all turn to page 150- Mary, can you give out the copies I brought, yes thank you very much-"

Mary McDonald distributed various copies of the student handbook. James Potter gave a little 'ahem'.

"Professors are not allowed to treat students unequally, nor with any special favour, regarding any characteristic-" James Potter said, giving a little ahem and snapping the book shut for dramatic effect. "So- I assume- Professor Slughorn- I mean-"

"Mr. Potter I would appreciate-"

"If I kept my mouth shut?" James Potter said. "You see, we all know what happened. Avery got what was coming to him. He got beat up by four of our lovely Gryffindor ladies and three lovely Ravenclaw ones too-"

"Only Lina and Cordelia are here." Mary muttered.

"I'm counting Liam Alton." James Potter said, "But nonetheless, he got what was coming to him. No shame in being beat up by a girl. Evans has done it to me plenty times. Give us the detention, I don't care. Give me the detention, take away my captaincy, ban me from playing. I refuse to play with a sex offender. Meadowes will agree. Frank Longbottom will agree- Ethan McDougal will agree-"

"Alright!" Professor McGongall said, standing up. "Mr. Potter, that'll be twenty points. We'll begin in alphabetical order. Mr. Alton-"

"We'll have a vow of silence." Sirius Black said dramatically. "Do the school a favour, I think."

"Rather well-needed." James Potter confirmed.

"Stressful year." Sirius said.

"Yes, rather, weather's been stressful."

"GET. OUT." Professor McGonagall said, her face too, contorted with anger, as the sixth years ran outside, as she recomposed herself.

Bent Double

"I asked each one of you to write an account of what happened." Professor McGonagall said, "On account of your vows of silence."

"Alton's talents are finally coming into use." James Potter muttered; of which even Professor McGonagall had to resist a smile. Lily made a little face indicating a forthcoming laugh, among others, as Liam glared.

"Mr. Potter, you already have fifteen detentions with me on account of your activity last term. I'm considering doubling it, for every Saturday next year." Professor McGonagall muttered. "It seems we've had a problem with them, however. Miss Meadowes, please distribute everyone's accounts-"

They all opened theirs, rather unsurprised.

"I don't see a problem here." Marlene McKinnon shrugged. "After all, this is a war. A higher power does apply."

"Most exactly." Lily shrugged.

"Strange times indeed." Cordelia said.

"This reflects very poorly on your head girl application, Miss Evans and Miss King."

"What? And give it to Guinevere Selwyn, who got the job because she's one of three Slytherin girls, the other two who suffer from foetal alcohol syndrome, or Leah Matthews, whose judgement should already be considered impaired because she dyed her hair box-blonde?" Sirius said.

"And whose judgement should already be impaired because she dated Bertram Aubrey." James Potter muttered, from behind his paper.

"I think it reflects their spirit of character and principles." Lina Hoffman muttered, "Of which matters most in a head girl."

"You all wrote various lines of a poem." Professor McGonagall said, most unimpressed.

"Yes- that was my idea." Mary whispered. "I read a book on it, you know, over the summer. Classic Interrogation techniques-"

"I got the first couple of lines, since I'm first-" Liam Alton said, "Bent double, like old beggars under sacks-"

"Oh, don't read it out, Liam." Lily said, having grown rather frustrated with the fact that Liam had no interest in inserting himself when it was uncouth and unpopular, but now that he was in league with his Ravenclaw friends, took pride in activities he once considered beneath him and Lily. "We all have post Professor-Lee trauma."

"Oh, yes, she was horrid." Marlene muttered.

"You all have a week's worth of detention." Professor McGonagall said. "And I'll take twenty points from each of you. I'll arrange you separately. Mr. Alton, you'll have to miss rugby practice, or do it in the morning. I'll see you all on Friday. Mr. Potter, you still owe me fifteen detentions for your behaviour last term."

"Avery gets two detentions for molesting, and we get more for justice. Fitting." James Potter said.

"A miscarriage of justice." Sirius Black declared.

"I'm having my father write in." Marlene said.

"I'll have my mother pray for Avery, since I think his soul needs it." Cordelia King muttered, which was the greatest insult Cordelia King could've delivered.

"Whatever. We can all hang out together." Mary said naively. "Will be fun."

"You really have never had detention before, have you?" Remus asked, looking anxiously at the door, where a cat was meowing. "God, she's brought Aslan down, hasn't she?"

"Obviously." Lily said. "He's the only thing that once gave her joy that hasn't left her."

The girls gave a little 'hmph' at that, making it very clear their irritation at Remus Lupin for not trying to get back together with Madeline Clarke.

"We are all in need of a little love and a little Hogmseade." Cordelia sighed. "It can only make the word spin a little faster."

Sirius Black raised his eyebrows. "Don't underestimate Professor McGonagall and the power of the mass detention."

Madeline popped her head in, two plaits draping down the doorframe, looped with old ribbon, with Aslan in her arms, Peter watching Dorcas with perverted and simultaneous awe.

"I think I made cookies. Peter helped me." She said to Lily, who scooped up a basket of biscuits and sniffed it with restrictive intent.

"I like the plaits." Lily said, tugging them slightly.

"Oh, thanks!" Madeline said cheerfully. "I feel so happy, you know. Normally I don't condone violence, but it was funny. Imagining Avery getting bitch-slapped. Not even by James."

"I did what was required of me." James Potter shrugged.

"You put him in the hospital wing for at least a week." Lily Evans muttered.

"No," Mary said, "He took Rosier, because Rosier is a pervert. Sirius took Snape-"

"Twas fun." Sirius said, taking out a cigarette and watching a bruise collect under his eye in the reflection of his lighter, "Like old times, before Frank Longbottom inserted himself like a mother does to a pubescent boy."

"Remus took Avery, actually." Cordelia whispered, as the group turned to look at Remus Lupin, who looked down, knuckles bruised.

"I went to the Hospital, like you asked." Peter said, "And listened. Avery's got his nose broken, you know."

"Well done, Moony!" James said. "There you go."

"Violence should never be the answer." Mary mused, "But it does feel rather good."

Madeline squeezed Lily so tight that Aslan nearly had his eyeballs popped out of the socket, but nonetheless, she looked ecstatic that there was an ally in a great world war on the side of Madeline Clarke, but she was most ecstatic that Remus had sent Avery to the Hospital Wing.

But of course, he had done what he always did, which was look away and look to the floor, ignoring every little lingering look she gave in his direction.

"Speaking of cunts, Lily, why were you talking to Steve Abbott? Lina said-"

"I thought we liked Steve Abbott."

"He's still enemy number two for sleeping with Lina."

"Prefect stuff."

"What prefect stuff?"

"First years- um- we are helping this girl-"

"Ew. First years."

"I like first years! They are so cute!"

"Yeah, Whatever. They look like they still wear diapers."

Afterglow

Lily Evans was thumping her fists against the Ravenclaw Tower.

"Someone- someone- someone- please-" She said, as Derek Alton came up, with a rugby ball in orbit, "Oh, bless, Derek. Practice's just ended. Where's Abbott?"

"What do you need Abbott for?" He asked.

"Prefect stuff."

"Talk to Liam. He's coming up."

"No- it's- it's about um- you know how Abbott was there with my friend- the night that-"

"No." Derek scoffed.

"No one's said anything yet?"

"No."

"Oh, ok. Nevermind then- I just need to talk to Abbott."

"He's shagging some Slytherin in the Prefect's Bathroom- he gets top dibs. Frank's got a new booking system in- and seventh years got first dibs- when you and Liam get head girl- please make that go away-"

"Why'd you care about the bathroom?"

"I'm going to be prefect, obviously."

"Not with that attitude, Derek."

"Whatever." He shrugged, but Lily ran to the bathroom, where luckily, she found Steve Abbott drenched in sweat.

"Madeline." She said, "Hannah. Avery."

Steve Abbott looked around, and opened the door. He jerked his head into the bathroom.

"I can't go in, you imbecile. It'll look like I'm sleeping with you."

"Who cares? I'll talk to Alton."

"He'll be sensitive about that- and we can't tell him."

"About what?"

"Hannah."

"She's going to tell soon."

"No- she won't. Not after the school gets ahold of Madeline. Did you hear what Guinever Selwyn said at breakfast today? She said Madeline's an attention seeking whore- and if Avery did what she said he did- which we both know was true- you were there, right after- she said she probably liked it-"

Steve Abbott threw his bag to the floor. "I don't get it. I don't get how Avery got to do that. We both know he was the one who did what he did to Hannah. The knife. The scar. The timing. I mean- clearly, he's got a type."

"Your type?"

"My type?"

"Blonde girls who are younger than you and act below their age,"

"You know, I've only ever dated one blonde-"

"Whatever."

"We have to tell Frank."

"We are not telling Longbottom. He made this detention mess."

"No, but he knows what to do. I've- I've asked Hannah. She still won't tell me. She looked to the side and said 'he graduated'-"

"But that's BS."

"I know. She would've said. She wouldn't have cared if he did, because he would've left and she would've told. He's still in this school. It's Avery. It's got to be Avery."

"I think I'm going to kill him."

"James Potter will beat you there."

"He raped a thirteen year old girl." Steve Abbott said, closing his eyes. "That's almost- Sienna- I- I'm telling you- if it wasn't for my own need not to be expelled- I would've scalped him."

"It's respectable." Lily said. "I know you're a cunt, but actually- you waited. For Madeline. And for Hannah. You didn't force them."

"I did. I said I'd tell Frank Longbottom."

"We both know you wouldn't have." Lily said. "But we have to tell Longbottom about Hannah. Edgecombe did nothing, but Frank Longbottom will have her instituted in the Hospital Wing with a personal bodyguard of the Gryffindor Rugby Team if she wishes."

"She has me."

"You're too busy shagging Slytherins."

"Eat shit, Evans."

"So it's true?"

"It was one time-"

Lily Evans took a big sigh and pinched her nose, walking away as the rest of the Ravenclaw Rugby team came to talk to Steve Abbott, reciting versions of what they had heard about Madeline, wishing to get his perspective, as her ex-boyfriend.

The School knew. The veil had been turned. The worst month of Madeline's Clarke life was due to begin.

And Hannah Smith, as we knew her, retreated further and further into her shell.

"Is that why you were in the Head's Office? Alice was complaining-"

"It's just confidential. She's- she's being bullied"

"Is she?" Marlene McKinnon said, getting up. "My sisters are having a hard time- they've asked me to leave it alone- but once this is over, I'm going to go knock some sense into those cunty hufflepuffs- they need a good Lina Hoffman bitch-slap-"

"Your sisters?"

"Stepsisters, whatever."

"The wedding better happen." Marlene said angrily. "I like Wedding cake. And Champagne."

Frank Longbottom's Goodness

"Edgecombe knew." Frank Longbottom said, face so angry it was tomato-like, "And he put her in the Hospital Wing for a week?"

Lily and Steve stared at each other for a moment, but Steve took a big sigh. Thelia Greengrass looked close to tears.

"Edgecombe-" Steve said,

"Was useless." Lily said. "Let's not skate around the facts. We felt you should know because the teachers said only the Head Boy and the Head Girl should know, but obviously no one told you. It was too late to call the Hospital, as it was a week and a bit from the- um-"

"Incident." Steve said.

"And Hannah- she won't talk. We can't call the Police if she's too scared. We've tried everything. We've written, we've spoken, but she won't crack. She'll go to the death with his name."

"I know Hannah Smith." Thelia whispered. "She's one on my list."

"A list?" Steve asked.

"People- not doing so well. Often scholarship students. Don't have the pre-existing clique." THelia sighed. "But there's only so much I can do-"

She tapped her eyes with a handkerchief; Lily went up to give her a hug. "I'm sorry. It's been a horrid week. I've had to listen to a billion people tell me about Avery's apparent innocence. Anyone who knows him knows he did this. Anyone who knows him knows he likes blondes- anyone who knows him knows he has a thing for Madeline Clarke. It's just so frustrating. It makes me feel so- so-"

"Powerless."

"Madeline is a separate issue." Frank said. "Give me a moment."

Frank spun the telephone round. The three watched him call someone who Lily deduced to be his father. After a round of 'uh-uhs' and nodding, Frank got up and crossed his arms.

"Hannah Smith will stay in my dorm. I'm getting my dad to send a sleeper couch- Thelia- are you fond of the couch in the living quarters-"

"Edgecombe liked to shag there, from what I heard." Thelia said, with great distaste.

"Alright, it's settled. Hannah has rooms here. Alice- Alice and Thelia can take care of her. Thelia-"

"I do not mind." Thelia said. "We can have tea and knit."

Thelia's cat, a long black thing, came and rubbed against Lily. Lily smiled and gave him a loving stroke. "Are we going to ignore the elephant in the room?"

"That being the possibility-" Steve Abbott said, going very white, "That Avery did this to Hannah?"

Frank did not pale. "I considered it. It makes sense."

"April." Steve said coldly. "Her and Remus got together. After he asked her out."

"He cut Mary's hair. He could be angry enough-"

"And then Hannah walks by, because she's always alone-"

"And then. Bam. Knife. Hannah won't speak, because she's petrified."

"I-" Frank said. "I know. I've thought about it. But we don't have evidence. Not if she doesn't speak. We can't do anything.

"Oh, my Hannah." Lily said, trying not to cry. "Why would anyone try to hurt Hannah Smith and why would anyone do that to Madeline? It makes no sense."

"It's pandemonium." Thelia said. "This year has been nothing but Pandemonium."

"That's why you're excited to have your father remarried?" Mary said, raising her roman nose.

"It'll be fun! Life is so boring- no one tells me anything anymore- I can get hopelessly drunk and shag some fit american-" Marlene shrugged, as Mary Junior settled on her face.

"Fine." Dorcas said. "I didn't want to do this, but frankly, we've had a rotten month, so I'll tell you. I know I say that the rugby boys are really quiet and don't gossip, so I can't hear them from the shower, but they are noisy bastards who don't understand the feminine ability to eavesdrop. And I don't care anymore. I've earned my place on the team."

Marlene squealed; Mary gawked; Lily clapped; Madeline squeezed her pillow. Gossip from the locker room? Top-tier stuff. Dorcas had kept it to herself, for fear of repercussions and general paranoia (the woman refused to gossip anywhere outside her dorm, for fear of being caught)

"Where does one begin?" Dorcas said, with a large smile. "Oh, well. Frank always shows up to practise late, and he's always changed."

"Why?" Marlene said, thoroughly disappointed.

"Oh." Dorcas said, grinning madly, like a Cheshire cat, "Because you see, apparently, Alice is so horny, Frank can't keep up. Think of that. She outlasts Frank and Ethan McDougal. Ethan gives Frank tips. He says he schedules it in, you know. Monday, Thursday and Saturday mornings, Friday afternoons. Gives Thelia the heads up- she 'goes for breakfast early'."

Marlene snorted. "He gives Frank tips?"

"They all do." Dorcas smiled. "Apparently she just wants to go and go and go and go."

"But then why did he arrive changed?"

"Because the one time he did, he had bruises all over himself. I didn't even want to ask. Everyone made such fun of him- and I kid you not-"

"Don't say it." Lily said, putting her face in her hands. "Don't say it, don't say it, don't say it."

"He said 'Don't worry, Alice looks worse.'" Dorcas said, before making a vomiting face. "Oh- Madeline, is this making you uncomfortable, or-"

"Oh, no, it's Frank." Madeline shrugged. "He looks like a sexually repressed person to me, so it's easier to pretend."

"Sirius Black smoked so much weed on his birthday party he couldn't get a hard on when he tried to shag Carmen Parisi, James Potter had three hickeys- don't ask- and Diallo Jordan has a fat crush on Marlene. Clevely fancies Madeline, but won't admit it, because I think he also fancies Lily- and James Potter and Sirius are absolutely adamant that Remus is still smitten. There you go."

"That's all?" Marlene said.

"All I can remember." Dorcas said. "We don't really talk much anymore. Everyone's really depressed."

"Well, I mean, it's hard not to be." Lily sighed. "Not when Guinevere Selwyn is going on about how awful Madeline is, and when Leah Matthews is being-"

"A fucking cow." Madeline said, "Oh, I'm going to cry again."

Toothbrush Romance

Naturally, Lily Evans and James Potter got put in the same detention group.

"Reminds me of this time last year." James said, as they scrubbed the bottom of a desk with a plateauing franticity, Lily doing it much slower and much more precisely than James did, "When we were doing that stupid play."

"Oh, I long for the days when my biggest problems were working with you." She said, letting out a great big sigh. "I was a stupid, whiny bitch."

James Potter didn't say much at this, but gave a little shrug to indicate some forgiveness. Lily tucked her head between her knees.

"I say something idiotic- then you throw something at me- then you stammer and frazzle- then I say something idiotic- then we fight- then you throw something at me again- and the cycle repeats." James Potter said, although Lily put her head between her knees and said nothing. "Evans- you know- we have tables to scourge and toothbrushes to use- and from experience- actually doing the work tends to be the most efficient way- Golly, Evans- are you crying?"

Lily looked up and scowled, but she wiped her eyes with the forearm of her ladybug sweater that gave herself away.

"You are."

"Shut up." She said, before crying some more. "I can't believe I have detention- I never got detention last year- not ever-"

"Oh, Lady Justice will turn a blind eye, because Lady Justice too would like to sock Edward Avery in the face, Severus Snape too- hey. Don't say anything. I know what I did, but don't call it bullying. He makes Sirius's life horrible- framing him- taunting him about his parents- you know Frank Longbottom caught him helping those Slytherins put up a Swastika? A swastika?"

"He did?" Lily said, looking shell-shocked at the thought of Sev putting up a swastika.

"Yeah, well, Lina Hoffman kicked him in the nuts." James Potter said dryly. "She said her father was Jewish, even though she hated him, but it was the principle, you know? Anyways, I think she did a mighty job."

"They're using this pandemonium to put up Swastikas because they know the teachers are too busy sorting out their mess." Lily said. "I hate them. I want to stuff a burette up their urethra- no- a mercury thermometer- then light in on fire-"

But then she was crying again.

"I'm just so tired." She said, "And I've carried everyone's crying for the past month- I deserve a cry, don't I?"

"I'll do your scrubbing, if you want." James Potter offered. "You can leave early-"

"Oh, no, I can't do that!" Lily said. "No, I'll take my toothbrush-"

At the sight of the grotty old toothbrush, she began to cry again. "How do you take pride in this? In being the school's indentured servant?"

"Pandemonium. Indentured Servant. You talk funny." He said. "Don't cry, Evans."

"Liam punched Snape." Lily said. "I remember that. He said what he said and he punched Snape, as if he had something to be angry over, even though everything that's ever happened to Madeline is worse than it is to me."

"That's not true-"

"But it is."

"Just- I don't know- talk to him-"

"You, ironically, are the first person who hasn't told me to dump him."

"But you fancied him for ages-"

"And he's been an utter, total, failure. It's almost as if- I made him up, in my head. And now I have to dump him, because it'll be so embarrassing if he dumps me first, and I have to run away from Chem in case he comes up and talks to me- in case he dumps me- when I should be dumping him- even though I gave him everything- everything- I treat him like some battle hero- and he doesn't even bother to give me indiscretions- just ignores me-"

"Then dump him. Aren't you the sort who, you know, charges up to people and tells them that they ought to go to hell-"

"Not when I know them well, intimately. Not when I'm desperate for them to like me back. Not when I don't see them as the devil incarnate."

Lily let out a big sigh. "This month is horrid."

"November does that."

"I want nothing more than to live in the woods forever and roll around with deer and wear magical petticoats and wait for my long lost prince and to discover I'm the forgotten princess and live and dance in a ball." Lily sighed.

"I want to fly a plane."

Lily stifled a giggle.

"I'm getting one for Christmas- and don't call me a spoiled little rich boy- I don't ever talk about it- it's really small, but my parents are going to enrol me in the Wiltshire School of Flying and then I'm going to get a plane and I think I'm going to get Schrodinger-"

"Your cat is so cute."

"Thank you."

"Very chatty, but cute."

"Anyways- I'm going to go fly- and Sirius will be my first passenger- then my dad- then Peter or Remus- whoever is suicidal at the present- "

Lily took a long shaky breath. "When you smash Hufflepuff, can we throw an epic party and get really drunk and make terrible mistakes and forget all about this horrid, horrid, horrid month?"

"I'm offended you didn't think that was already the plan."

"Oh, bless you, James Potter, bless you."

It was a small blessing, that detention, in that Lily Evans initiated some sort of cordial relationship in November, when both of them felt useless, vulnerable and forgotten. Otherwise the schoolyard politics might've tainted it. I do not know if it happened by chance, or by some calculation on someone's part, but it happened, that James Potter and Lily Evans were no longer truly enemies, because they were united by some mutual cause, reminded that they were better allied as parallel beings, rather than opposing ones. Everyone spoke about how James changed for the better for Sirius, or for Lily, or for Madeline, but perhaps, it was an open secret that Lily Evans changed for the better too.

"Humiliating things have happened this month." Lily said. "Did I tell you I cried in my detention with Potter?"

"You cried?" Dorcas said. "Did he do anything- I swear-"

Lily shrugged. "He cleaned my desks for me. He was nice about it, I guess. Didn't ask any questions. Offered to make me tea afterwards, although I declined."

"Because Sirius cries so much." Madeline said. "I don't blame him. Liesel said Justin sobbed like a baby after he- he was disowned. It's been really hard on him. Remus said-"

She looked up, and she swallowed. "Remus said that he gets really bad nightmares. And goes to James's bed, and then he's really nice about it. Especially since he gets back so late and up so early."

"Cause he's shagging Cordelia King." Marlene said, jumping from her trunk, over the end of her bed, and falling flat on her face. Mary. Jr hissed- Marlene flicked her off the pillow, which meant Mary. Jr purred.

"Stop with the conspiracy theories!" Dorcas said, as Hestia turned in her lap and allowed Dorcas to play with her stomach.

"And then he went and helped me with my bio lab and didn't even flirt with me." Lily shrugged. "Ok, he might've, but it wasn't very obvious. He didn't even mention it."

"James is growing up." Madeline smiled. "One of us has to."

"You grow up until as late as possible, understand?" Mary said. "If anyone deserves to have a nice childhood, it's Madeline."

"Bio labs." Marlene said, making a face. "On Photosynthesis. Actually foul. Should be illegal."

Mary Jr. hissed-purred in support.

Photosynthesis

James Potter's first detention was to help with the Biology students, which was rather humbling for a man like James Potter, who depraved biology for its redundancy and alleged uselessness.

"Oh, I dibs Potter." Lily Evans said, hair in a thick plait, after school trying to finish her photosynthesis lab, trying to pretend like she hadn't spent her detention yesterday crying in front of him. "Count the bubbles with me, Potter."

She handed him a pair of lab goggles (Professor Sprout was very picky about these things). The Hufflepuffs looked on with great interest. He leaned in to look at the bubbles, counting them with his fingers.

"James Potter." Lily Evans said, with the force of a stern mother. "Please count them properly. This will constitute a good portion of my biology mark."

"But it's photosynthesis. Surely, you, Miss Prim and Proper, understand the basic workings of Photosynthesis."

"I didn't choose this darn lab report to write, ok?"

"Darn?"

"Damn, whatever."

"Fucking?"

"Let's not be crude in a biology lab. There are Hufflepuffs present."

"Well, when a Carbon Dioxide molecule loves a Water molecule very much, sometimes they go to a bed of light, and then they-"

LIly Evans resisted a smile, but she made a careful note of the number of bubbles produced in a cheaply-produced notebook she took great pride in, then checking her stopwatch to ensure it was entirely accurate.

"Is this really a detention?"

"Minnie went easy on me."

"I still think it's commendable that you-"

"I know. You've said. Three times."

She shrugged. "Have you apologised?"

"No."

"Will you?"

"When I gather the courage."

"I- We had a fight. After Liam and I fought. It wasn't very pretty."

"I assume so. It's with Snivellus. He sucks all the beauty out of anything. It's any wonder you looked the-"

He swallowed, as Lily went red. An awkward silence followed. The Hufflepuffs prickled and giggled, as they usually did, although Leah Matthews was notably working alone, Olivia and Pauline working with Tarini. Tides were turning, Lily supposed, although the masses still held Madeline with whorish regards.

"You'd make a good teacher, I think." She said, "Have you considered being a peer tutor?"

"The Peer Tutor system is a sorry excuse for a program."

"I think you'd be good at it. You have the logistical ability, from rugby-"

"And I'm James Potter. So they'd pay attention. For once. No one but Madeline actually improved from Chemistry, but I think that's just because she pretends to be dumb."

"Do you ever reduce your head?"

"Absolutely never. Mrs Clarke probably forces Madeline to do it, because she thinks she'll get married quicker, and it'll help her lose weight."

"I told you-"

"I know, I know. It's wrong. She's a horrid bitch and I've written to my mother telling her if Mrs Clarke ever speaks like that again she's never going to be allowed to run an event again."

"You did?"

"It's the only thing she really cares about."

"Oh, what a horrid woman. It's a wonder how Madeline has turned out the way she has. She is wonderfully smart." Lily said proudly.

"Although we both know that most GSCEs are easily attainable." James sighed.

"Don't be boastful." Lily sighed.

"I would say, I do pretend to be a teacher sometimes. When I'm really bored, and after I've finished replaying my rugby-cup winning try, and the time I shagged Carmen Parisi, although Sirius finally did the job proper on her a few days ago, though you didn't hear that from me, I used to pretend to make everyone run around in my head like electrons- little rugby balls- in a circuit-"

"Stop talking, Potter." Lily said, waving. "I zoned out after I heard the word 'shag'."

"Dating Liam Alton does that to you."

Lily made a face. "Dunno if it counts anymore."

"Still dating him?"

"I'd consider it 'purgatory', moreover."

"Poor fella."

"Poor fella-"

"Just waiting to be dumped." James Potter said, shaking his head. "At least he'll get to beat Hufflepuff, and go to the Bonfire victorious."

"I thought Hufflepuff was meant to be good. They always beat us."

James Potter, amazed that the average person wasn't as acquainted with every detail of the rugby championship at School, gasped. "No! Only five times, and in the Final, but since all their old players left, and we took their primary motivation away-"

"Wanking at pictures in a plastic bag in a shower?"

"Primary motivation, they've become utter shit. Steve Abbott will thrash them."

"Will we?"

"Obviously. They won't have time to recover before December. And we have Meadowes."

"Is she good?"

"Almost as good as me. But girl form."

Lily shrugged. She put away her notebook in her satchel.

"You're done?"

She nodded. "You came just before I finished my last trials."

"Aren't you meant to have a partner?"

"Dorcas is on Madeline duty. I couldn't do it, because the only day Professor Sprout would let me finish my lab was after-school. So I'm doing it for the both of us, because Dorcas can't do it at night, because rugby practice."

"So I have to help the Hufflepuffs now?" James said, with despair, though the Huffelpuffs began giggling at the sound of that.

Lily winced. "I'll- you know what, I'll take a while to pack up. You help me."

He gave her two very proud thumbs up, although he had a grin on him for the next twenty minutes that did not fade until Remus told him to fuck off and that no one really cared about the intricate details of what Lily said that he was trying to slip in to their post-dinner conversation.

"Things are changing." Mary sighed, "I don't know what. But they are."

"Winter. Sucks the life out of all of us. Except for Dorcas. Looks pretty in Winter." Marlene said. "FYI- Liam Douglas will probably ask you out once the whole Avery thing calms down."

"At least he's considerate." Dorcas sighed.

"Just go for one date, make it disastrous, and then agree to be friends and the romancing will calm down." Madeline said, "As a general word of advice."

"No, I think he's waiting to increase his chances of success." Marlene scowled.

"But he's Liam Douglas." Mary said. "He's the irrelevant Liam, well. Not anymore. Not since Liam went off the deep end."

"I really need to dump him." Lily sighed.

"Didn't you fancy him, for like, two years?"

"I know." Lily said. "So disappointing."

"Things are changing." Mary shrugged. "We are no fifteen percent discount beauties anymore."

"Mary?" Lily said, the day after, sitting in the common room, the effects of having 'cried loads' accumulated on her face. "Can we talk?"

She knew that if she told Dorcas about the fight, there would be much scolding, about the fact that she claimed to be a victim and yet went back. She didn't quite know how Mary could understand, about trusting someone with all of your worries and problems, someone who seemed to affirm her, despite the predispositions you have about yourself, and then doing the exact same back to you, but Mary understood the content of the fight better than everyone.

How over the summers- how in Cokeworth- she had told Sev about the 'cycle', as she would call it, how her father left, and then he would come back, a dreamer, and then he would come back, polluted wisps of his dreams coming through the front door and chimney and starving them slowly, how they would go days on nothing but fish fingers and old bread and butter, and then he would come home, with bags of groceries, from some job and money he found somewhere, with a dream of a restaurant. Her desire for stability.

Liam Alton may have been the most boring man alive (of course, this is hyperbolic), but he was stable and healthy and did not seem to come and go. How she would tell Sev the little details, that summer, all the little thoughts, all the quantitative definitions of happiness, how Marlene would eat this and that, how he seemed to understand, affirming her, It'll be alright Lily, it'll be alright, honestly and then-

The leaving like water, chasing sights of it in grocery lines in Cokeworth, leaving like a bloodstain. How he had become the cycle she had used him to escape.

"Of course we can."

Earlier in January I promised a blossoming friendship with Lily and Mary.

"Do you remember, in January?" Lily asked. "Right before the Steve Abbott shitshow? When you asked me if you were fat? And I was so startled, because if you mentioned being fat, I assumed you were thinking about me, and wondering if you noticed if I was fat, because God, imagine being fat. And now-"

"You are speaking to Snape again, aren't you?" Mary said, with her deadpan Mary McDonald manner.

Lily made a little 'O' shape with her mouth. Mary put her hands in her face.

"You are lucky I'm friends with Marlene." Mary said. "Because she too makes awful decisions. I won't judge. Tell me."

"We got into a fight." Lily said. "I- I've been playing cards with him. It's horrible. He won't apologise. He doesn't get why it would hurt. And I tried to speak to Liam about it- but he- he was just like 'You're not fat, I don't get why you would be upset. I thought you were upset about the fact that he insulted you while you tried to defend him'."

Mary let out a sigh. "But you aren't, you know."

"Well, I mean- I said something. In the fight with S-Snape. I said that it was just a word. Isn't that amazing? It's just a word."

"What do you mean?"

"For the first time in my life, I have not had a physical reaction when I hear the word fat. It doesn't evoke any connotations. It's just a word, right? Why do we give it so much power? Why do Lina and Cordelia skip lunch? Because they don't want to be 'fat'. But what is being fat?"

"Overweight?"

"But what even is being overweight?"

"Overweight."

"See!" Lily said. "It's just a word. And I was so scared, because I wouldn't get a boyfriend, because someone might think- oh- larger legs, I don't know. But honestly, it's just a word. And honestly? Having a boyfriend hasn't changed anything. It's made it-"

"Worse?" Mary said. "We know, Lily. I know."

"You know?" Lily said.

"Eating so much chocolate you feel sick. Then drinking half a litre of water so you don't feel anything. Then not eating the next day. I know." Mary said.

"So it's not just me?"

"Not just you." Mary sighed. "But you're right. I won't let that word have any more power over me. It's just a word."

"If I- If I gain more weight," Lily said, "And I become fat enough- well. Gain enough weight that Liam notices- and he dumps me-"

Mary raised an eyebrow. "Well, you're dumping him, so like, who cares? He can't dump you, because he's an arse."

"I know it's not a coincidence that he asked me out after I started losing weight. Unhealthy weight. I know it'll come back as soon as I start eating again. And I know it's not a coincidence that he liked me because I stopped dressing how I used to. I like him, but I'm not going to pretend it was otherwise."

"If he dumps you," Mary said, "You save yourself two more years of going to Hogsmeade and carrying your conversations. And if he doesn't, then you know he's real and likes you for you. Well. That's when he recovers from being an arse. Ew. Liam Alton. Yuckity-yuck."

And there it was.

"Liam makes me ILL." Lily said. "I really should dump him."

"He only apologised so he could play rugby today." Marlene said. "Can't believe Abbot let him play. The one good thing he did."

"Frank said he was genuine." Madeline sighed.

"Frank's too kind." Marleen said. "And do we really trust-"

"Frank doesn't understand how someone could do something like that to a person." Madeline said. "But Frank knows now. He understands. And he's trying. Not like Liam Alton. Ew."

"Hey." Liam Alton said, slipping next to Lily Evans. "I- I'm really sorry."

Lily Evans raised an eyebrow, but she said nothing, fiddling with a knob on her titration set up.

"I know what I said was wrong. It's not true-"

Lily pulled down her lab goggles and stared at the pale blue liquid. She checked her notebook and the textbook instructions. Lily looked rather pretty with lab goggles, Liam thought. It framed her face well.

"I am really sorry." He repeated.

Lily raised her forehead in her best disapproving look, but she did not say a word. A year of fighting with Snape did that to her.

"I know it was wrong."

"Are you just going to repeat the same three phrases that Steve Abbott wants to hear so you can play rugby again, or are you going to actually be helpful?" Mary said, next to Lily, who had swapped with Dorcas to 'help Mary improve' (a practical excuse so she didn't have to sit next to Liam and so Dorcas could stare him down).

"Is Lily going to say anything?"

"This is how it feels dating you." Lily smiled cruelly, "And apologise to Madeline, not to me, thanks."

James Potter and Sirius Black snickered, although Sirius 'accidentally' poured one of the bottles of sodium hydroxide in storage on Severus Snape, which got both of them their fourth detention that week.

"Boyfriends are rather stupid, don't you think?" Mary sighed.

"I really miss Remus." Madeline said, before crying a little more.

"Oh, I know." Lily said, patting her knee, so Madeline could come and cry into her leg. "We don't mind Remus anymore. Idiot boy, who didn't use his communication skills-"

"What communication skills?" Mary snorted.

"Remus will come back. He loves you too much. He looks so guilty, and so angry. And he did send Avery to the hospital wing."

"That is rather hot." Marlene said. When Dorcas looked at her with irritation, she put her hands up defensively. "Hey! I'm no Leah Matthews. I aint no boyfriend stealer."

"You know she once called me an elephant?" Mary said, turning her nose up in disgust.

"EW!" Lily said. "As if she isn't a rancid cow!"

"Probably just jealous, because she has the hair of a splintering scarecrow and Mary has the prettiest hair you'll ever see in your life." Marlene said. Dorcas snickered at that.

"Leah Matthews sat alone in Bio." Lily smiled wickedly.

"Pauline and Olivia dumped her?"

"Temporarily." Lily shrugged. "Poor thing."

"Serves her right." Mary spat. "Elephant. Not even creative."

On the note of weight, I am proud to announce that for the first time in Mary McDonald's life, she couldn't care less about what she had eaten that day.

Of course, the topic of Mary McDonald's diet was actually a conversation at dinner that day, but Mary lay on her bed, not caring that she had eaten potatoes and feta cheese and pasta and roast vegetables, but she rather happily, rather freely gave herself a second serving of squash.

Madeline pushed her plate forward.

"I don't want to eat dinner."

"You need to eat, Mads." Lily said, who had established herself as the group's resident mother, considering Dorcas was somewhere training or running or studying or avoiding boys how wanted to ask her to Hogsmeade, and thus could not offer sage advice (lines such as Marlene, Do not, I repeat, Do Not, go up to Carter Boot and offer to shag, no, no, or Lily, Liam Alton is a boring cow, and you ought to dump him were notably missing from the dorm).

"No, not that." Madeline said. "It looks like Aslan."

She held up a chicken drumstick and began to cry.

"It had a face." She said, "I can't eat it."

"It's just chicken." Marlene said, after demolishing her usual dinner of three chicken drumsticks and potatoes. "You love chicken. Aslan loves chicken. Mary Junior loves chicken. I ought to save her some."

"It has a face." Madeline said, pushing her plate forward. "I want to be like Mary. No chicken."

"You barely eat as is." James Potter said, who had become rather overbearing and notably quiet over the last month, as he had been the reason for the 'two detentions' Avery had not even suffered (it conflicted with his rugby training schedule, you see).

Frank Longbottom and co, who was busy arguing with Ethan McDougal, had been wedged between the Gryffindor sixth years as a post-break up awkwardness reduction program (Remus had taken to reading as to avoid eye contact with Mary McDonald, who gave him the finger whenever she could).

"Why on earth would the moon freak you out?" Frank could be heard saying to Ethan. "You are Ethan McDougal. You should not be afraid of the moon."

"Honestly, Ethan." Alice said. "If your brain wasn't so hammered from all the alcohol and fights, you'd be a prime candidate to be an astronaut."

"What's an astronaut?" Frank asked.

"Franklin." Alice said. "You are head boy. You should know this."

"I wanted to be an astronaut when I was younger." Sirius said.

"So did I." James said.

"Me too." Peter said. "I watched the moon landing with my Nan-"

"The moon landing?" Frank said, making a face. "What utter nonsense are you guys talking about?"

The Gyrffindors turned to look at him in horror.

"Frank!" Alice said. "How do you not remember the moon landing? You were at my house! Ethan was there! We must've been- gosh- nine- ten- even Steve Abbott was there-"

"Oh yes." Frank said. "I remember that day. His mother made an excellent cheesecake. But I don't remember the moon landing."

"Frank probably ate like, four slices." Ethan shrugged.

"It was an excellent cheesecake" Alice considered. "She is a good cook."

"I did." Frank said. "And proudly. Steve Abbott's insolence must be paternal, because his mother makes a mean cheesecake."

"But you still- Doesn't know about the moon landing-" Alice was muttering to herself, in total shock.

"Is cheesecake vegetarian?" Madeline asked. "No faces?"

"Yes, Madeline." Lily said. "Here, Potter, take Madeline's dinner. Madeline, use my plate, and eat some potatoes and squash."

"I hate squash. It's soggy."

"Well, eat some vegetables. Otherwise you'll eat potatoes for the rest of your life, and who wants that?"

"Like an irishman." Madeline giggled.

"By golly," Alice said, having recovered from the shock of Frank's obliviousness, "I reckon I want to be vegetarian too. Ethan, eat my dinner. Frank, give me squash. I reckon I need more nutrients. So it osmosises in my blood."

"That's not how Osmosis-" Remus said to himself, as he looked up desperately. Lily absently shared a look with him, an old habit (given they were the most natural intellectuals and in the same subjects), but his gaze flickered over to Madeline, who was cutting up her potatoes and quoting A Tale of Two Cities, as she did when she was under great stress (Mary was forcing her to eat squash).

Only Lily noticed him smile.

And so, Mary collapsed on her bed that night, wearing a promiscuous looking nightie Marlene had got for her, curling up with Aslan, who resented Lily invasively sleeping with Madeline to calm her down, feeling a new wave of confidence, truth, beauty and all things good.

Because Lily was right. It was just a word.

"She and Liam can go snog in a bush." Lily said, throwing a tissue into the waste bin and beginning to re-plait Madeine's hair. "For all I care."

"You still like him." Madeline shrugged. "Let this pass over, let him realise, and hopefully it will rebalance."

"Rebalance?" Lily said, horribly offended, "I'm totally dumping him."

"I think Madeline means that it would be nice, if you get back together, if, to have a little bit more of an even power dynamic." Dorcas aptly put. "You sort of fawn after him. I think the reason he got so upset is because this is the first time you are really taking charge of the relationship and acting like your usual self, not just sitting there moping in self-loathing and worshipping the ground he steps on."

"Facts." Marlene said, pointing a finger at Dorcas. "She always hits it on the head, doesn't she?"

"Men are easily read." Dorcas sighed. "And Liam Alton, although he keeps his emotions behind his face, is easier read still."

(A Predictable End)

"Hey, Clarke." Liam said, walking up to Madeline, who was carrying her books. "Hey- Hey- Clarke."

Frank Longbottom, who was accompanying her from English (given no one really fancied more Professor-Peeves exposure), did not pause walking, given he was a very, very busy man. Madeline pulled him to a stop, but smiled.

"Are you alright? If you're lost, I think they give maps of the Castle to the first years- or maybe I can ask my art teacher to sketch you one-" She said, but her voice sounded very broken, very false and very on the verge of breaking into tears. She gave a little smile, but she blinked, and a little tear came out.

Liam Alton, who did not really enjoy displays of emotion, although accosted, knew what Lily said was true, what Madeline said was true. There was no liar in Madeline Clarke's eyes. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Lily probably told you. It was wrong. I didn't mean it. I- you don't deserve any of this."

Madeline blinked, but Liam was gone, walking off. Frank took a deep sigh.

"Seems genuine." He shrugged. "Will tell Abbott. He'll play his rugby. Abbott will win his match. Ironic, isn't it? The two boys who leave November looking their very best are James Potter and Steve Abbott."

"And you." She said.

"I caused this mess."

"Oh, no." She said. "Avery did, and Avery will face the consequences. I know he will. He'll have to face God, and God does not give favour to the wicked. Even if nothing happens, he'll rot in hell for the rest of eternity."

Frank looked rather startled, but she chirped up at a fancy-looking painting. "Oh! That is an excellent painting. It's my favourite, you know. I do love the Rococo era. And you are a very good head boy. I know you're a bit distracted, because now you have Alice, but you mustn't forget, only Frank Longbottom took me to see McGonagall, and it was Frank Longbottom who listened to me that night, because in your heart, you are very kind, and I thought that made you very safe. You are a very safe person. LIke- like- like- hot chocolate or-"

"Pancakes?" Frank offered.

"Oh, yes, with sweet, sugary syrup. My mother doesn't allow me to eat syrup, but I think I should eat it, because I hate my mother. Oh, I shouldn't say that, or I'll cry, but I try to save my crying for Lily. Now we just cry together. It's good fun. That painting is rather pretty. I do love the Rococo era. It's just- marvellous. Don't you think? It's up there with Cats, Dickens and Knitting."

Patrolling Reminiscence

"You know, I empathise with you." Lily said, offering him a chocolate as Remus and her walked home from the Prefect meeting.

"Huh?" Remus said.

"You're a sort of subconscious villain." Lily said. "Obviously, you are an idiot and you should've asked her what was wrong and not dumped her. It is the rule of being best friends with someone that I have to say that. But- it must've been very lonely. She was acting weird. And now you feel like you have to be on the sidelines, not doing anything."

"I did do something. I hit Avery."

"Yeah, but hitting Avery doesn't make Madeline any less scared. You and I both know that justice doesn't equate peace."

"Yeah, whatever."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "I'm not Potter. I'm not going to let you sit there in self-pity and mellow until you feel sorry for yourself. Madeline doesn't just date anyone, you know. She has very high standards. I know you'd rather chew off your own arm than talk about your feelings, because I know that you would've never, ever asked her out or come to terms with the fact that you liked her, but I think a good deal of your problems could be solved if you just didn't let them melt in your brain until they became bigger than they actually are."

She gave off a little huff and crossed her arms.

"And you empathise with me?"

Lily snorted. "I do the exact same. I guess one could say we are on the same boat."

"Lily, you are not on the same level-"

"I didn't tell anyone my dad died until like, three months later. I am what I am."

Remus raised his nose with distaste. "Whatever."

"You know." Lily sighed. "It's the bonfire soon."

"So I can see the Ravenclaws go around yelling about how great they are? They already do that half the time-"

"No, I just thought it would be particularly poignant. A good turning point."

"Is it?"

"Some might say it's romantic. You know."

"Romantic?"

"A good time to you know, say sorry. You haven't spoken to her. You've sort of faded into the background and watched."

"Like Liam Alton?"

"I think I'm going to dump Liam. Night of the Bonfire. I can't bring myself to do it now."

"He's on the list."

"The list of what?"

"People who've wronged Madeline."

"What's the point of a list?"

"Can't do anything now. But when I can, I will."

"Didn't you already beat up Avery?"

"I didn't beat up Avery. I gave him a few punches." Remus shrugged. "But I can't do anything now."

"Not yet."

"Not yet."

They passed a window- where the Ravenclaw rugby team and Hagrid were shepherding old wood and leaves, collecting them somewhere over a patch of grass.

"What a ridiculous idea. They should've used it for Guy Fawkes night."

"It's poignant."

"I suppose so."

"Like a phoenix, I guess."

"From ashes to ashes."

"Dust to dust."

Lily Evans smiled, because she realised, whenever something good happened to Madeline, something had to happen to Lily involving Liam. Like some sort of magical sacrifice. The law of conservation.

Liam Alton looked up at the window, wiping his face, having left the Prefect meeting earlier. There was perhaps a look of great sadness, but not yet a look of acceptance. He saw her. She flickered away with Remus.

The bonfire grew larger.

PART TWO

Picture this.

Fire. Fire everywhere. Ravenclaws run wild. Wind playing with Lily Evans's hair, little curls spring up like winter wreaths in winter air. Liam Alton next to her, although not next to her, but trying to manoeuvre himself to justify an apology. Bonfire- but not for Guy Fawkes day. Remus Lupin stood with his friends. Cordelia King and Lina Hoffman in grey coats, lighting sparklers with second years.

The bonfire sparked, the bonfire fizzled, the bonfire was static. Memories seemed to replay. Memories seemed to enter. Winter was dismissed, for a moment.

Sometimes, in our quest to know trivial and unimportant things, such as 'who are we are', and 'who do we love' and 'why does my house matter', and 'why am I in this house, of all places', it is easier to answer: I was this person and did this in September of 1975, but I am now this in the November of 1976, I will be this in the March of 1977, but then again, March of 1977 seemed to liken itself to the Secondary School Version of World War Two-

But I don't like to talk about March 1977, just like I don't like to talk about April 1976. Happiness and Beauty are besotted with Spring, which is why I dislike Spring, because tragedy follows wherever happiness and beauty go, like some misbehaving Greek spirit.

And in that moment, as I imagined Edward Avery slaving away during his two detentions, I flickered into a place of confidence- where I wanted to go to tell Steve Abbott- this is who did this to me- this is what happened-

But I could not.

I thought it was symbolic that he received two detentions- one for me. One for Madeline. Two measly detentions for ruining our lives. One detention for April 1976; one detention for March 1977.

Perhaps I started this story hoping to tell the story of Lily Evans, who changed my life, because she listened and she cared. Perhaps I was hoping to tell some teenage love story poorly. Perhaps I coaxed you in with the promise of love and reminded you that there are worse things in life than death. Perhaps you now know that I've had to live with a pitfall in my stomach and look in every room for Mr. Avery and his two detentions. Perhaps you now know that I live with the knowledge that if I hadn't been an accomplice to my own murder, a corrobrated star witness, what happened to Madeline Clarke wouldn't have happened.

But that isn't true, is it? No one would believe me; very few believed her. I gathered the courage to tell my story. So here I am. My name was Hannah Smith. I was raped by Edward Avery. He has faced no consequences, no record, because I was far too scared to say what he did. But this is what he did. This is who he hurt. And the fact of the matter is- there are many Edward Averys out there. There are many Hannah Smiths, and many Madeline Clarkes.

You wouldn't have believed me if you went to school with me then, but I hope to God that when you meet the next Hannah Smith, when you see the look in her eyes, I hope to God that you believe her.

But it's easier to read a great love story and pretend that all is well. My anger does not make for a tale, because it is the same old tale. So let's continue.

The bonfire. Steve Abbott's bonfire. Yes.

Mary McDonald thought she was quite pretty, actually, as she looked at herself through Marlene's powder compact. She quite liked the feeling of dwelling on her looks, lingering, checking her face, as if it was something to be admired, something to be celebrated, rather than something she usually avoided.

She gave a little twirl, wearing a loose skirt of Lily's that was a lot tighter on her, but she was too carefree to enjoy it. Even Madeline was having a happy time, although she left early, Ethan McDogual offered to take her up, as a sort of remedy for the havoc he had caused her. His bulk seemed to protect her, as she walked in silence, her pink coat hugging her desolate, war-torn frame.

All eyes seemed to follow Madeline. November had made Mary feel comfort in her invisibility. It was in her invisibility she prepared herself to re-enter the world again, as the new Mary. Not the absolute nightmare who was ashamed of herself and took it out on others. Wonderful, good Mary, who was honest but honest in the necessary ways, Mary who liked animals and wanted to care for the environment, Mary who embroidered, Mary who liked to read to expand her mind.

Mary, who had come to terms with herself. Mary, who didn't really feel the need to 'love herself' per say, but came to a neutrality with her soul, an appreciative friend from afar; Mary, who knew there was nothing really wrong with being fat, Mary; who was summer throughout.

The New Mary sparked in the Bonfire, little flickers of flame pirouetting upwards.

Remus Lupin had left his book on the table.

It was lying flat, right there to be read.

Madeline, who had grown a habit of looking at Remus's books and examining the margins, the little analysis, how different people walked in his books, scribbled in the margins- mostly her. It was always her. Little underline- a stretch of the pencil- a line- written quickly, but with great care:

Madeline.

Madeline, Madeline, Madeline, whenever something good happened in a Room With A View- Madeline was written, all over, not like graffiti, but rather, an incantation. Jane Bennet, in Pride and Prejudice, Madeline, Madeline, Madeline, as if to prove a point. Some sort of incantation that spread through every one of those books, a golden thread between them all, some possessive thought that permeated everything he touched. Madeline, Madeline, Madeline.

He had gone to get a jacket, or something. One of his sweaters. She still had time.

She skimmed the book. The Beautiful and the Damned. She was reading that when she had told Steve Abbott to stuff off- she and Remus had spent the night talking- she remembered that- he was very handsome that night- oh- this was her copy! Hey! She had lent it to him and he had not returned it, little shit. Not so handsome anymore, book-stealing ex-boyfriend. Even if there were little bits underlined, though no Madelines to be found. Hopeful bits. But underlined her copy nonetheless! Only she was allowed to underline his books!

There was:

She was dazzling- alight; it was agony to comprehend her beauty in a glance-

Sweet Remus, she thought, skimming through it quickly. Even though it was her book.

I shall go on shining as a brilliantly meaningless figure in a meaningless world

Mirrorball, she thought, though she skimmed quicker.

In crowded rooms they would form words with their lips for each other's eyes

Well, that was romantic. She had to give him credit for that one. She showed that one to Aslan, although he seemed rather interested in tearing the paper.

She was incomprehensible, for, in her, soul and spirit were one - the beauty of her body was the essence of her soul.

Now she was just blushing.

All I think of ever is that I love you-

But there it was.

That last line.

Written with his exact script.

Madeline.

She skimmed some more, feeling rather enthusiastic, until she heard his voice.

"Madeline? What are you doing?"

She and Aslan looked up, guilty as charged. Aslan made a face and rolled onto his tummy in an effort to appear guilty. Madeline blinked, and then sat down like a cat, in hopes he would think she had fluttered away.

"So you still won't tell me?" Lina asked Cordelia, who wore a thick turtleneck, although given she was Cordelia King, had no need to hide her gigantic hickey, because the bloody school (even Slughorn, by the looks of it) knew the fact that Cordelia King had a secret lover.

"Nope." Cordelia shrugged.

"Why?"

"Because- I don't know."

"I hate him, don't I?"

"Mhm."

"And?"

"Madeline doesn't need to know. I just want to keep it a secret for now."

"It could take away from Madeline. Give the gossipers someone new to target."

Cordelia looked at her, with a great deal of empathy, and irritation, because she wanted Lina to leave the matter alone. The bonfire seemed to eat away at the logs at the bottom. The marauders threw a rugby ball around, daring Peter to light a log on fire. "I thought about that, you know. Just announcing it. I want to scream sometimes. It's just not very fair, although I guessed I asked for it."

"The non-shagging?"

"He won't date me."

"Obviously."

"So there's no point. I like seeing him. I like pretending like he likes me more than he does."

"You probably think of yourself as some princess in a lost Irish Ballad."

"I know. It's all very silly." Cordelia sighed, but she turned to Lina Hoffman, quite teary. "It's just that he treats me very well, and I know we'd be very good together, but we'd be the type of good that would never be as good as that other person, the type of good that'll divorce after twenty years, because fundamentally, there's no spark, but I'd just want him to like me, because I like him so very much, and I- I don't know, Lina. Why doesn't he like me as much as I like him?"

Lina looked at her, very desperately, too heartbroken to admit who she knew Cordelia was talking about, trying to pretend if she admitted it, it would go away. "You only just want to be loved. You'd give away your dignity to be loved."

Cordelia shrugged, and the Bonfire seemed to hiss, then split, revealing James Potter talking to Lily Evans, her making a face, Dorcas Meadowes next to them. It was hard not to see Lily put a hand over her mouth, as James Potter did an imitation of Professor Slughorn handing out papers, or that Liam Alton was watching her, a pariah, or that James Potter looked at her rather lovingly out of the corner of his eye, now that she was on her way to dump him.

"Madeline's gone up." Lina said, hoping to turn the conversation to a neutral topic. Madeline was their common ally- their common goal now. Madeline must be taken care of. "I'll make tea, and why don't we play cards and we'll write letters to your sister, hey? That always cheers you up."

"Yeah." Cordelia said. "You always care, hey, Lina? You always do."

"Of course I do." Lina said, crisp blue gloves mixing in with Cordelia's. "I always have, and I always will."

"Veni, Vidi, Vici." Cordelia shrugged, the fire behind her making her look like some sort of crucified victim, splitting again to reveal Lily Evans asking James Potter, Sirius Black and Dorcas if they fancied going to the kitchens for some late-night-snacking.

"Remus?" She asked, looking up, clutching the book near her chest, "Sorry. I thought this was my copy."

"Oh- I guess it is- forgot to return it- good book though. I like Fitzergald."

"My opinion of him is softening."

"You flip-flopped on him quite a bit."

"Suppose I did."

"Loyal to Steinbeck, though."

"I guess I might've."

"Would you like a bath?"

"A bath?" She said, her voice a little too high pitched. He ran his hand through his hair, rather awkwardly, looking away.

"Bonfire. I'm running a bath. Grit everywhere. Horrid. Would you like a bath?"

"You have a bath?"

"My leg."

"Oh, well, I suppose it wouldn't hurt. Can Aslan come?"

"To the bath?"

"He is bathroom-trained."

"Does he- is he going to bathe- with you?"

"Not unless you want him to."

"Well- um- let me have the bath first, because I was quite close to the bonfire, but then I'll run the water again- and you can have the bath."

"Ok."

"James says it's the only good thing. About the leg. The bath."

"I suppose it would be."

"You can- you can take back your books."

"Ok."

"And- just make sure Aslan- keeps to himself, ok?"

"If you wish."

"And- if you want- you can have my chocolate."

"Oh, goody. I think my period is about to start-"

"I know."

"You know?"

"Always at the end of the month, right? And your- um-"

"My boobs get bigger?"

"Yeah."

"The one advantage. I guess you could say that's my bath."

"Ok- you um- stay on my bed. And you can read. I guess. While you wait for my bath. The rest of them- I don't know where they are. But stay here. I'll- do you want some privacy- or something-"

"I thought they went down to the kitchens. That's what some third year girl who has a fat crush on James said."

"Well, there you have it."

"Can I get my stuff?"

"Your stuff?"

"If I bath, I have to use my shampoo. My hair is very sensitive. And I'll have to put Aslan to bed here, I guess, or else he'll wee."

"Ok." He said. "Just- stay here, ok? Be- be comfortable- while you wait to- bath."

Lily Evans was too scared to dump Liam Alton at the night of the bonfire.

He stood there, the fire constructing some sort of shadow play. Perhaps it was not wise to make drastic decisions now. Perhaps it was wise to do them when she was so numb and did not expend all her emotional energy on Madeline's sanity. Perhaps it was wise to accept that Liam was Liam and Lily was Lily and mutating the two into some sort of fairytale romance would not solve their problems.

She drew a blue scarf over her neck, to hide all sort of paleness from the cold. Liam still had the red one Madeline made her. Fuck.

"Let's go to the Kitchens." She said to James Potter, because she knew by going with someone she would collect an appropriate amount of food. "I fancy some hot chocolate, and I'm in no mood to get a detention."

The bonfire flickered past them. Liam Alton seemed to disappear into the wood like some sort of crisp, burnt film-reel. At least temporarily.

He found Madeline Clarke on the floor under a tower of two books.

"The Two Towers." She said, Aslan sitting on her chest, "See?"

She gave a nervous sort of smile, but got up and clutched Aslan, the way she did nowadays, looking around the room, as if someone was watching her.

"Do you want me to leave the door open?" He said.

"It must be cold." She said, "Sleeping in just your pyjama trousers. I think we ought to call them pyousers, don't you?"

"Not if you have a blanket-" He said, before realising that in subconscious stress, he had forgotten to get a sleeping shirt. Madeline looked up at him innocently. "Go bath."

She toddled over to the bath. "You have my copy of Breakfast at Tiffanies, by the way. I want Lily to read it."

"But it is the greatest love story of all time."

"That isn't true, and you know it." Madeline said, pulling a massive bag into the bathroom.

"Then what is?" Remus asked, but she had pulled the door shut. He pulled on an old sweatshirt but he was left to stare at the top of his four-poster bed, decorated with photographs of his friends and Madeline from the summer, that he had been too ashamed to pull down.

Dorcas Meadowes looked really pretty by the fire, Peter Pettigrew thought, as he watched the light frolic around her face. She had a very good listening face, he thought, as she sat on a tree stump next to Ethan McDougal, watching a sort of nonchalance emerge between the two of them, the sort that emerged out of awkward friendships perverted by flirtations. An acceptance of non-romance.

That comforted him, he thought, although he didn't know why it should, because he had spoken to her once that week and it was to ask if Madeline was alright.

Peter tossed James a ball- he caught it- James's eye drifted away to Lily Evans, who was sitting next to Alice Fortescue and laughing. She had not spoken to Liam Alton all week. She was too proud. She was too serious.

Peter wrapped his coat tighter around him and got up to get something from the kitchen. James offered to come with him, but he wanted to be with Sirius, it was clear, given that his entire body was turned towards him.

There was no Remus to talk to, and Peter wasn't ready to come up with the confidence to make redundant small talk, so he left.

"That's not true. A Tale of Two Cities is the greatest love story of all time." Madeline said, though without the authority she usually carried herself with books. She walked out with great confidence, although with each step it seemed to decrease, like a negative correlation graph. She fiddled with her socks, thin fingers, nails bitten, pressing beneath her ankles, in a moment of punishment. "I thought you would know that. You have read it, have you? Or did you lie to me?"

She pulled down her socks for easier access and thin moon-shaped red marks had slowly seeped out of her skin; this was a habit developed over her period of solitude. "And don't say Tolstoy. I'm not in the mood to be Russian. Russian people are so cold and so bitter. Russian people soldier on and drown their pain in alcohol. I'm no soldier. If I was, I wouldn't cause this pandemonium."

"It's not pandemonium. I'd say more of a mess."

"It's always a mess."

"I think a bigger mess would be if he got away with it."

"He did, Remus."

"He got detention."

"Two detentions. James got more detentions for calling Snape a greasy git."

"You got more detentions for beating him up."

"I shouldn't have done that."

"But you did."

"My anger always gets the best of me."

"I know."

"I always thought the bible had the best love stories." Remus said, eager to change the subject.

"The bible?" She said, in a moment of interest. Perhaps it was the Texan in her, the deep-rooted southern belief in God and the resurrection, but there was a basis to her kindness. A sympathy to God, a tolerance for the ideal of sin and forgiveness and repentance. Her father was a god-fearing man, though his ideals slipped out when it suited him, but she remembered Texas ideally. Texas was when life was far simpler and she was protected by her girlish innocence and look. Texan values, though interpreted rather kindly, seemed a comfort in these trying times.

"My mum told me a few of the stories. Jacob and Rebekah- 14 years of labour for one girl. Michal and David. Delilah and Samson. Even Bathsheba and David."

"Delilah always made me so sad." Madeline said. "He knew she betrayed him, and yet he still told her. How can someone stay with someone knowing that it will lead to your death?"

"Well, Leonard Cohen must've been onto something when he wrote that song."

"I love Leonard Cohen."

"I know. You love Johnny Cash and Nancy Sinatra, because it reminds you of your childhood. You like Woolf, Dickens, trashy romances, Breakfast at Tiffanies and Truman Capote, James Baldwin, as of recent, and your favourite colour is pink. You have an incredible memory, because you remembered one random Picture of Dorian Gray reference one tutoring session. I loved that line, but Lord Henry says so much shit that nobody really remembers- but I guess you do. You know what I love about you? You remember little things. You- you- " He began, as she began to cry, thinking of that moment on Halloween, thinking of how she had been so angry .

"Please don't cry, Dandelion. I hate seeing you cry."

"There's nothing to do but cry."

"Well, don't cry, because crying never suits you. Like pastels. Well, pastels suit you. You only dress in pastels, because your mother insists you look prettiest in pastels, though you look prettiest in any colour, really, but really, you look the best in dark blue, because it suits your hair. You've only been given detention for inappropriate dress. You secretly love the film The Aristocats but you don't publish the information, because you want a sequel made with Aslan as the lead. You despise Hemingway and Tolstoy, and are alright with Steinbeck and Fitzgerald- I never knew if you liked him or not. And your favourite flowers are orchids and dandelions. The dandelion I assume because of the nickname. The orchids I don't know, but I'll remember."

"You remembered all my little rants?"

"I told you, didn't I? I love your little rants."

"They're just rambles." She said, looking at her feet, playing with Aslan's flicking irritating tail, something angelic, out of a film, with the moonlight pressed against her now white-blonde hair.

"Not to me."

"I like orchids because of the colour." She said, with a guilty smile, as if she was upset she had let loose of her anger and succumbed to thoughts of happiness. "They're pretty flowers. Justin used to give me them when I got home from school. I- they were in Liesel's bouquet. They were her favourite flowers, and I always regretted not being at the wedding. So I like orchids as atonement."

"Well. I'll add it to the list."

"The list?"

"Of things to learn about you."

"Nobody's ever tried to learn about me before."

"Damn shame. You'd make a fascinating A-Level."

"A Level?"

"Well, we can't give you to the fourth years, can we? They wouldn't treat you right."

"I suppose." She said. Then the silence came, all the things unsaid, piling around them, the memories rewinding, snow falling back to the sky, leaves falling into place, beach wind falling back to the sea, dewy leaves falling back into the cells of spring as they remembered that day in April, under the tree, when they had kissed good and proper-

"I've missed you." She said. "Nobody makes me laugh anymore."

"I make you laugh?"

"You make me laugh till my stomach hurts."

"I hope I do."

"And you swear like a sailor."

"It's a bad habit."

"And my brothers loved you."

"They did?"

"Mhm. You stood up to my mother. Took balls."

Remus resisted the urge to make a joke in that moment, unaware of her current sentiments about everything. He missed Madeline. He missed Madeline desperately. There was no other way to say it.

She fiddled with her socks some more and pressed her nails into her palms this time, closing her eyes. Little patches of darkness under her eyes signified insomnia. He didn't know how to take it away, but he wished he could.

"Reading boring books helps when I can't sleep." He said. "When I feel sick."

"I'm sleeping alright."

"No. You aren't."

"No, I'm not." She said, and then she began to cry. It was the sort of scream cry that they show in movies, the sort of cry where you clutch your pillow and throw your entire weight into your sob, where you have no air left, practically choking and sputtering, where your face goes red. "I'm not alright."

"I know, Mads."

"I hate him." She said. "I hate him, I hate him and I hate him. He ruined everything."

"I know."

"No, you don't. I hate you too. I hate you. You are a coward, Remus Lupin, and I hate you."

He blinked, as she cried louder onto his bedsheets, pressing her face on her knees, her body rocking back and forth. It was true. He was a coward. Avery had won. He had interpreted the obvious warning signs that had indicated something amiss as evidence for the gaping void of his insecurity. A coward.

"And I hate everyone. I hate Ethan McDougal, for trying to kiss me four days after you dumped me. I hate how he looked at me. I hate Frank Longbottom, for always forgiving James. I hate Professor Slughorn, for saying I was making things up and protecting Avery. I hate Leah Matthews, for telling the whole school that I lied- and calling me- calling me-"

"What did she say?"

She cried harder. In a vastly overcomplicated world, Leah Matthews presented a simple target to hate. Remus shuffled uncomfortably. "What did she say, Mads? I know what she says, but I want to hear it from you."

She clutched Aslan and looked up at him, squeezing the cat with great terror. "She said I asked for it. That I was seeing him on the side."

Remus blinked. Leah Matthews deserved a slice of hell, he thought.

"I don't know why everyone says that I fancied Avery. I hate Avery. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. He's so horrible. He makes me feel ill. He's so scary, Remus. He's so scary. In chemistry, the way he used to look at me- it was so horrible. And then he asked me out, and now the sick thing is, if it hadn't been for Avery, you would've never taken me out, but if it hadn't been for Avery, we would've still been together. And the scary thing is, I think he really likes me. Like fancies me, in his own sick way. And it's so horrible, because he's going to do it again. He does it in my dreams- he comes up to me, and he takes me to a classroom-"

At this point, Remus took Aslan from her, as she had nearly squeezed him to suffocation, and let him roam free under his bed. Madeline reached for the blasted cat. Remus feared his current state, revolving around a great deal of numbness, would seem robotic, unapproachable, but he offered her tissues.

"You're right." He said.

"I'm right?" She said, doubtful. Madeline was never really right, or acknowledged for being right. She accepted the fact that keeping the peace was more advantageous than standing her principles. Thus, she was never right.

"Of course, you're right. We would've gone to different classes and you would've passed chem and then politely talked to me and stayed with Steve Abbott, or gotten back together, and I would've bitterly moved on." He said. "And I am a coward. I'm a big, fat coward."

"No." She said. "A tall skinny coward."

"A linebacker coward."

"But why?"

"I don't know." He said. "Well, I do know. I don't want to dwell on it. I just know I'll never be good enough for you. In the logical equation of teenage society, Remus Lupins don't belong with Madeline Clarkes. It's like- it's like a wolf with a dandelion."

"But I don't need the eyes of the world for me to fall in love with you. I just need the eyes of me and Aslan. And we think you're pretty great."

"I don't know about the cat part."

"Aslan hates everybody. Don't take it personally."

"I believe you."

"You believe me?"

"Why would you lie about something like that, Dandelion? Why? What would you gain?"

"I should've told you. Steve said to tell you."

"I know." He said, his fears still lingering.

"He found me. I was in the corridor."

"That night seems like a merry-go-round of boys who fancy Madeline Clarke."

"Fancied."

"Fancy. He isn't over you."

"Oh, no. Now I feel terrible."

"Don't."

"You're not a Sydney Carlton." She said. She closed her eyes and left her head on his chest, moving up as he breathed, blonde hair moving up towards the sky, then sinking down, as she pulled her arms over her body. "I know you feel like one. I think- I think- you're just Remus. That's why I hate you so much, because I love you."

"Thank you." He said. Madeline Clarke loves me. She loves me. She loves me. She loves me. She loves me- she loves me- she loves me-

"Why do you feel so horrible?" She asked. "How can anyone feel so horrible about themselves all the time?"

"Don't you feel horrible?"

"Yes." She said. "But that's not about myself. That's- that's my circumstances."

"What do you mean?"

"I feel so horrible." She said, allowing a pause, allowing herself to rise up and down again, then looking up at him, for the first time. "I feel like I'm being watched. Constantly. I feel like- like my body isn't my own anymore. In my legs. My legs aren't mine. They feel numb. Like he's cut off the blood supply. And everyone's watching me. Every little movement. It's like he's everywhere. It's like 1984, but Avery's big brother."

She began to cry again, a snotty mess on his shirt, which he wiped off with hidden distaste. But she looked up to him, pleadingly, and he knew she could not have lied, because someone who lied could not have such broken, broken eyes, as if her pupils were a shattered mosaic, cloudy and red from crying. She blew her nose, that pretty little nose, that was one of a thousand things made up on the list of what he liked about her.

"And everyone says you made it up."

"It's like I'm in a dream. It must all be a dream." She said, shaking her head. "I am so weak. I am so weak. My mother would say I am weak. There are worse things in the world than a boy putting your hand up your underpants. It's just how he fancies me. And yet, and yet, I feel like I'm on Golgotha."

"Golgotha?"

"Where Jesus died. He said, He said, my god, my god-"

"Why have you forsaken me- I know the line."

"I have no one anymore." She sighed. "I just want to go home. I want Liesel."

"You have me."

"You don't want me."

"Of course, I want you."

"No, you don't."

"Madeline." He said, and then he took her hands and squeezed them. "I'm just not very good at expressing it."

"I know."

"But it's there."

"Is it really?"

"Of course, it's there, Madeline."

"Then why do you act like it's not?"

"I should be able to carry you- to pick you up- to chase after you- but I can't. Maybe it's all in my head. It's probably all in my head. Is that enough? Will you be happy?"

"I was always happy. You're one of my blessings."

"Blessings?"

"Blessings." She said, "Aslan. Lily. The Potters. All of my friends. I don't hate anybody. I just said I do. I'm just angry. I have so many blessings. I have been so silly. "

"Am I a nice blessing?"

"One of the best." She said, "Am I a blessing?"

"The best blessing."

"Good. Am I a dazzling blessing?"

"Dazzling?" He asked. She reached for her satchel and pushed forth her copy of the Beautiful and the Damned, and his heart gave a little flutter.

"I saw the highlighted bits. It was for me, wasn't it?"

Remus said nothing, but he let out a little smile. "I'm not good at expressing it."

"It's alright." She said. She squeezed Fitzgerald so tightly, burying her face behind it, as it to become the book, letting two beautiful blue eyes, alight with pure, concentrated happiness for the first time in months, pop through. "I've read it over and over. And I don't even like the Beautiful and the Damned. I read it at a bad time."

"Me neither."

"Well, I do. It's my favourite Fitzgerald."

"Is it now?"

"Yes." She giggled, and then she collapsed next to him, looking up, with adoration and great love. "So is it true?"

"True?"

"All the things he wrote." She said. "Is it possible someone could feel that way?"

"If you are living through proxy in a book, the Beautiful and the Damned, plotwise, isn't the one that I'd recommend."

She opened the book and flicked through the pages, reading the bits he had underlined. She giggled. Remus Lupin did not avert his gaze as she looked up at him. She stared at him intently, like a cat, then sat up.

"So, is it true?" She said, closing it. "Can someone really feel that way?"

"I suppose they could."

"You suppose, or you know?"

"I know."

"Have you felt that way?"

"Perhaps."

"Good." She said. She waited for him to say something, but he could not. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did."

She looked at him, immensely irritated, but took a breath for her second. "Why did you lose your leg?"

"What do you mean?"

"If you broke your leg," She said, rationality not quite suiting her, "Then wouldn't you just put it in a cast?"

"I lost blood flow." He said, trying to recall that night. "I- I remember it."

"You do?"

"Yeah." He said. "I was in the back- I was sleeping. For some reason, I lost a lot of blood. It was gushing out of my leg. I think it was the glass. There was a lot of shattered glass. My mum- she was knocked out. There was a lot of blood from her. My dad managed to climb over, and he made a makeshift tourniquet, I don't know how."

"A tourniquet?"

"It stops blood flow."

"Oh."

"That means that basically, from the knee down, I lost all function. Saved my life, but I lost my leg."

"I'm sorry."

"My mum was pregnant."

"She was?"

"Yeah. It was a girl. She was in- she was in her second trimester."

Madeline began to cry a little, her lip quivering.

"What's wrong?" He said, as she climbed under the blankets, and pulled them over her.

"You could've had a little sister." She said, and then she really began to cry.

"I know." He said. "My mum- that was the hardest for her."

She began to cry harder, which Remus didn't even know what to do with, considering it was his sob story. Period definitely due. Damn. These were new bedsheets.

"I'm sorry."

"Everybody says that." He said. "Everybody says they're sorry."

"What else can I say?"

"I don't know. You hate drunk drivers?"

"I do hate drunk drivers."

"I hate cars."

"Cars can go to hell."

"Cars can go to hell."

"Avery can go to hell."

"I'll punch him into hell."

"You already did- and besides- He'll say something. He'll call me a liar."

"He doesn't know you very well, then. You fiddle with your hair when you lie."

"I do?"

"You do."

"I just froze." Madeline began. "I should've screamed. I just stood there. And let him- let him-"

"Dandelion." Remus said. The thunder crackled against the window, Aslan let out a little meow and

pounced onto Madeline's legs. "Avery's a scary guy. He carries a knife. And you're light as a feather."

"I'm 49 kilograms."

"Madeline." He said, turning her over. "How are you alive?"

"Mother says I have to be 55."

"Your mother," He said, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking her straight in the eye, "is a madwoman, who deserves to have a good talking to. You need to be at least sixty."

"No one will want me if I'm sixty."

"Madeline."

"You don't eat."

"I'm sick."

"I know." She said. "So am I. I have head disease now."

"Oh, my Madeline."

Aslan settled between them, tail hitting Remus's face, as another crackle of thunder and gallop of rain turned her attention away from him. Remus Lupin suddenly hated the rain. Horrible weather. Madeline giggled, as if reading his thoughts.

"It's alright, Aslan. Remus will protect us."

Cowboy Like Me

And the bonfire nearby was covered with thick wisps of smoke, with thick wisps of mist, winter ominously threatening it's arrival; the ladies lunching by the edge snacking on cigarettes and cigarettes only; enchantments of gossip ringing in the air; women waltzing by in thick coats and tights. It was an English Winter, through and through.

The night, dry and silver, lit up Carmen Parisi's hair, as she sat near the bonfire, watching Steve Abbott, the man who took her virginity, talk in whispers to Frank Longbottom, the man who took her heart, about some ominous subject, trying to finish The Pursuit of Love, curly hair growing darker under the winter, a black Alice Band pulling it back. Sparkling light fizzed out of a torch. The wind grazed through the grass, her feet resting on a log.

Carmen Parisi was waiting alone, as Alex tried to talk to the tall Huffelpuff Ian, who seemed rather distracted nonetheless. Carmen didn't know his name. She referred to him as the 'Irishman', given he was, you know. Irish. She watched him carefully, absorbing his secrets, his secret glances to the distance of the sixth-year Gryffindor girls, with a supposed nonchalance and a hidden interest.

"Nice fire." Said a rather husky-sounding voice, with a rather thick accent.

"Wasn't my doing." Carmen said.

"Abbott's."

"I know." She said, looking up, as Matteo Zabini took her book and inspected it, trying to give an impression of a qualified literary critic.

"We have the same goal." Matteo Zabini said, taking out a cigarette and offering it to her. Carmen shook her head, jerking it towards McGonagall, who watched them like a Cat.

"Avoiding sleeping with each other?"

"No." Matteo said. "I know you're failing all your A-Levels. I know why."

"Why?"

"You want to get married."

"How'd you know that?"

"You had Nikki Chan ask every boy in the year how many rooms they had in their house, how many houses they owned and where they lived."

"Research for her geography coursework."

Matteo Zabini raised an eyebrow.

"My mother wants me married. Not as soon as you do, but soon."

"Whatever for?"

"You didn't hear?"

"My mother doesn't really have the energy to keep up with gossip. Not anymore."

"I deduced- but you're not as close to your stepfather-"

"He's a saint, bless him."

"We've lost a lot of money."

"And this is of interest to me, how?"

"My mother wants me to get married."

"You have to be joking. You aren't suggesting-"

"Carmen, Carmen, Carmen. Don't be an idiot. I've given it good thought. Both our families make their money out of Italy. A wedding gives good promo. Everyone likes a wedding. We can get married in my second year of University, so we can get back some of the money. Your father needs someone to inherit-"

"He has me and my sister."

"We can have a merger."

"Mergers have to be in the same industry-"

"Conglomerate merger, come on, Parisi, this is O-Level stuff."

"What's in it for me?"

"Never having to work a day in your life?"

"I'll consider it."

It was a perfect solution to all her problems, except it wasn't, because Alice grabbed Frank at that moment and kissed him hard, whispering in his ear that she wanted to leave. Carmen knew this would happen.

Carmen always knew everything. Carmen had years to prepare her heart, to move on from her fifth-year heartbreak, but she was right where Frank Longbottom left her, unable to bear witness to any other love, and Matteo Zabini meant that she had to let loose of her kitchen-table dreams, of pretending like she had any chance with him.

"You promised me a secret." He said. "The great conwoman. You know you have to accept. It's the secret to all our problems. We can get married. We'll have sex once, to have a child- not that you'd be a good mother- but we'd have to. You won't care who I sleep with. I'll treat you well. You can buy all the clothing you want."

"Can I lie naked in the Ritz under the Parisian sun?"

"Every gentleman has his vice, I suppose."

"I thought you said you already knew my secret."

"So you have one?"

"So you lied?"

"Of course, I lied, I lie all the time- come on. Seal the deal with a secret, great conwoman."

Carmen looked at Frank, her Frank, her Franco, tall and handsome and kind, and shaking with the knowledge that the world was not as good as it was in his mind, knowing that he would never be his. Matteo was a solution to the Frank problem- it forced her to move on- but he was to love another, and Carmen was never to love again.

"Forever is the sweetest con." She shrugged, giving Frank one last look, and Matteo Zabini was clever nonetheless, because he caught on.

And with that, both men got up to leave, letting loose a final stream of smoke from the bonfire, as it rose up into the air, mingling with the clouds.

Do-Over

"I'm not a very good protector."

She looked at him sternly, a tendril of her wavy hair falling along her shoulders and down her back, her bangs having long grown out. Moonlight suited Madeline Clarke. Sunlight suited Madeline Clarke, but moonlight was especially fitting.

"Stop saying that sort of stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Self-deprecating stuff."

He said nothing, affronted by her honesty. He was cowardly. He was ashamed of his body. He wouldn't even swim. At least he took off his shirt, but that statement was in of itself a failure, a confession he was ashamed to make. He was Remus Lupin, the third marauder, after Sirius Black, the second, because he was too trouble making to be the first. James Potter was first, and James Potter was supposed to be with Madeline Clarke. He thought about it, for a moment, rationalised the thought that really, he was jealous of James.

James had the body, James was undeniably intelligent, far funnier than Remus, James had two legs. Sirius too. At least he was better than Peter. And then there was the fact that Madeline brought up Steve Abbott in moments that he knew were meant to affirm him- Steve never listened- but it didn't help but remind him that he was second after Steve Abbott, that she had dated Steve Abbott, and thus, was comparing him to Steve Abbott.

"Do you want a do-over, Mads?"

"A do-over?"

"Get back together."

She looked down at the bedspread, red and gold, and the duvet, fluffy. She dug her fingernails into her wrists, then looked at him with great delight. "Of course, I would, Remus. I want nothing more."

"OK." He said, then stood up. "Then we need to talk."

"We are talking."

"Properly. About- about limitations."

"Limitations?"

"Things we don't like. That make us uncomfortable."

"Like what?"

"Like Steve Abbott."

"Steve?"

"You talk about him sometimes. I know he's important to you. Well, was. But, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Sometimes. I know- I know you like me. But he's Steve Abbott."

She didn't defend herself- she just nodded. "It'll be different, this time round."

"How so?"

"Is it alright- is it alright- if we don't touch?"

"Touch?"

"Well. Kiss." She said, "It makes me feel yucky now. He- he kissed me. After he did it. And I know it's not that big of a deal, but-"

"Madeline." He said, "That is a big deal."

"So, you won't kiss me?"

"Only when you want."

"Ok." She said. She released her palms and looked at him straight; a great deal of relief took over her body. "I was worried about that."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"Anything else?"

Remus closed his eyes. "I know you say you don't care. About my leg."

"It doesn't bother me."

"But- but I don't want to say 'I like you despite the leg'." He said, and he realised he was getting a bit cocky. "I know this is a bit- a bit of a funny request- but- is there anything in you that could say- that could say- you like me for the leg?"

Madeline opened her mouth in a funny little 'o', but then tapped it closed with her index finger. She let out a brilliant smile. "Of course, I can!"

"You can?"

"Yes!" She said, "I know- this isn't the nicest thing to say- but it makes you a better person, you know? I know it's selfish. But I don't think you would appreciate kindness the same way. And you certainly wouldn't be as funny."

"I suppose." He said.

"You can tell me when you want." She said, "When you take it off. I won't look, or I will. Whatever you want."

Then she looked down guiltily. "I'm sorry for walking with Ethan."

"It's not your fault, Madeline. He didn't kiss you."

"I knew he was into me."

"We were broken up."

"But I did it to hurt you."

"I know. But I hurt you first, didn't I?"

"We should have a do-over." She said, "We can spin around and talk about who did what but we'll just remember Avery is the source of all our problems."

A Threat

Edward Avery was having a smoke after his detention when he saw me walking along the hallways, after the bonfire.

"You told them, didn't you?" He said.

He walked with a stagger that suggested an element of drunkenness- he walked with a stagger that suggested an element of lawlessness, but that had always been the case. I had never seen someone so on edge, and yet so confident. Perhaps that was his thrill, his sexual release. Either that, or virginal blondes, who enjoyed reading, who spoke softly, who looked younger than they were.

"I haven't."

"Clarke did."

"She did."

"Nothing happened. Nothing will happen if you speak-"

I can't explain the terror one can feel when feeling perpetually frozen, wishing to speak, looking over your shoulder, building up courage, block by block, then having it decimated with a single sentence. Edward Avery, I heard, post-military school, was nothing but a coward, but with people who didn't know better? Absolutely petrifying.

"Actually, something will happen. I mean- two accusations- two people who don't know- I mean- Lily can verify- Madam Pomfrey-"

"No one will believe you, don't you get it? Madeline- she's- everyone loves her- everyone- popular- I mean- she dated Steve Abbott- she's the prime candidate. And no one did."

"Because your daddy saved you. We both know what you did."

"And if you had told Steve Abbott the truth in April, she wouldn't have been hurt, you hear me? You ruined Madeline Clarke's life. You did. Not me. You're too much of a coward to ever matter. It'll be a year old, by the time Evans drags you to McGonagall's office. No one cares about you. You're just some irrelevant scholarship student who spends her time in the bathroom crying. Hear me?"

"If you touch me, I'll tell Steve Abbott. He'll see the bruises."

"I don't need to hit you."

"You did. You don't remember? I have this scar-see- and if you ever talk to me again- if you do- or talk to Madeline- I'll tell Steve Abbott. And Frank Longbottom. And from what I hear, the two of them throw pretty good punches."

"I don't think Frank Longbottom cares enough to ruin his shiny Oxford-"

"Oh, but Ethan McDougal doesn't. He has sisters, no? Steve does too. And I don't think those two care too much about paedophiles?"

"I'm no paedophile-"

Oh, but he was. It was the entire basis of his attraction to me and Madeline. His little guilty secret.

"I know your deepest secrets, Avery, just like I know everyone's. I wouldn't mess with me. Don't do it. I know you love Madeline Clarke for her childishness, her innocence, which is why you raped a third year, and the reason why she can never return the feeling is because she knows it too. She will always love Remus Lupin, because he loves her for her goodness, her proper goodness, the goodness that he can't use or manipulate. And if you ever dare to talk to me again, I'll march right up to Steve Abbott and tell him. You hear me?"

"No one cares- I mean. Your name says it all, right? Hannah Smith. Common Name, forgettable person-"

"If you dare touch Madeline, or talk to her, I'll have the police knocking at your door. No one may care about me, but they certainly do with her, and you're hoping for some little chance that she'll love you back, a little sliver. There's no way in hell she'll ever do if she knows who you truly are. You will have to testify to God for what you've done, you know? He doesn't judge your kind very well, I haven't heard."

He never did speak to me again, although he didn't listen.

March Ninth was evidence of this.

But like almost everyone, we don't speak of March Ninth, 1977.

A Reunion

Remus let out a breath of relief. Madeline got up, suddenly, then settled onto the floor, getting on her knees, closing her eyes, eyelashes locked together like Mary's horrible embroidery. She wiped her nose like a cat.

"Moon dust." She said, to no one in particular. She clenched her hands. "Close your eyes."

"Close my eyes?"

"And close your ears."

"Why?"

"I forgot to pray."

"Pray?"

"I always pray at night."

"For yourself?"

"No, silly. For everyone else."

Remus closed his eyes, as Aslan rolled over and took over Madeline's pillow. She whispered softly, as she prayed, something secretly Texan, a melodic prayer, recounted every night, secretly in the bathroom for fear of her friends hearing.

"Father God, I ask- please take care of Liesel and Justin and the triplets. Please take care of my brothers and my mother. Please help Daniel and make sure he doesn't do anything foolish. Please help my teachers. Especially Professor Peeves. Please help Lily with Liam. Please make sure Frank and Alice get married. Please help James and Sirius, with whatever they need. Please help Mary and Marlene and Dorcas, especially Dorcas, with her rugby. Please help my father, wherever he is. I don't know what he needs, but help him with that. And help Remus heal his heart. Ah-men."

She got up and tucked herself into bed. "I suppose there's no point in putting on Pond's Cold Cream, is there? I'm already wrinkly from crying."

"Why don't you pray for yourself?"

"I suppose someone will pray for me. And God always knows. I just make sure to remind him. To help my friends with what I can't do."

"I didn't know you believed in that stuff."

"God always provides."

"What good god puts you through this?" He asked, because it was true.

"The God of Remus Lupin might only do that, but the God of Elijah and the God of mine always gives me blessings. Like you. God gave me the Potters, after we moved. God took me out of Beauxbatons. God gave me Lily. And God gave me you."

She lifted her shoulders and took out a bag- out fell hair combs, ribbon, hair masks, several bottles of sleakesy products, several jars of pond's cold cream, several tubes of mascara, a hairbrush for her roots, hairbrush for her ends, hairbrush for the winter, hairbrush for the summer. "Shucks." She said, opening another bag.

Dry brushes for Aslan, treats, a toy ribbon, a small pillow, a bunny, a sweater that had been scratched, newspaper and three boxes of cat food fell out. She sorted through the pieces, Aslan playing with a piece of ribbon, before she found a silk hair tie, so as not to damage her hair, braiding it carefully so that it stayed smooth.

"Found it." She said, with a smile, looking at the sheer mess she had made over his bed. She began to pack it away gently, smacking Aslan gently as he tried to get his bag of treats. "Not now, Aslan. You have irritated Remus. No treats. You must be nice to him."

"I don't know." She shrugged, looking at him. "But perhaps there was a reason why you like to read and I moved to Hogwarts. The grand scheme of things have worked out alright. I think it's God. You think it's a combination of likely events given preceding events. No Aslan- that's a hairbrush, not a toothbrush, and I don't want my hair to smell like tuna, because then my books will smell like tuna, god forbid."

She looked up at him, for a final moment. "If I was a colour, Remus, what colour would I be?"

"A colour?"

"Mhm."

"I know you'd want me to say pink." He said. "But that's a bit too obvious, isn't it?"

"Maybe lilac."

"Yellow." He said, finally. "Yellow."

"Yellow?"

"Yellow's the happiest colour out there. Yellow's- yellow's you. Yellow's just…happy, and carefree. Nothing beats yellow."

Aslan looked, guilty as charged, at the two of them, fluff everywhere. Remus felt another asthma attack coming along soon enough, but Madeline let him out into the common room, for fear 'he'd do a poo in Sirius's bed', though she looked around the dorm with the greatest look of distaste at its uncleanliness. Madeline Clarke was nothing but put together.

She patted a pillow that separated them, eyes sealed together, the slumbers of sleep and easy magic of dreams falling upon her. Remus Lupin realised, with a jolt, that there was a girl sleeping in his bed, though she was fully clothed, so he supposed it didn't really count.

Someone would notice her, someone would tease her, she would gather her grievances and display them like a vase of freshly arranged flowers. Madeline Clarke was often part of a narrative. It was just often not true.

And with newfound confidence, Remus, still finding the dorm too hot, took off his shirt and his leg, turned to his right side and faced her, sleep easily surrounding the four-poster and offering a temporary reprieve, a small oasis from the goings-on of the outer world. Bonfires were particularly poignant. Lily was right, although she seemed to have made no progress out of her plateau with Mr. Alton, but Remus couldn't particularly care.

Oh, Madeline. How was she to know?

If only she prayed for herself.

A Fallacy

Peter Pettigrew felt a conjunction of disappointment and loneliness he had not felt in years.

Perhaps it was fickle, perhaps it was vile, perhaps it was weakness, but the sad truth was Peter Pettigrew clung to the cloaks of the three marauders in hopes that they would protect him, in hope that he would ensure his safety. In Hogwarts they certainly would, but Peter felt greatly disappointed that Sirius Black had cut himself out of the Black Family Vault, that there could be no opportunity for Peter there. That James's parents had no future other than sunny-side retirement. That Remus was- you know- poor.

The Marauders were always two pairs- James and Sirius, Peter and Remus. But with Madeline, Remus was in all sorts of moods- happy, withdrawn and grumpy. Peter was tossed to the side and expected to tag along. This commitment to morality, to principles, had meant that the Marauders were no longer the most popular people in the school. They had no standing to protect Peter.

Peter bit his lip and looked at the Bonfire, as Avery walked out of the hallway, looking frazzled. He had a cigarette butt and was looking over his shoulder. He looked like an innocent man, or he feigned enough innocence that Peter felt just in talking to him. Peter didn't really care.

The Marauders had done nothing to help him. Nothing. Nothing at all. They laughed at Madeline shouting at him, ripping the veil, then they defended her.

She didn't even look at him. She didn't even care. It was more of an annoyance. There was no telling her- because now she knew- because Remus probably told her- Remus told her, yes, he probably did. Boys had a habit of slipping secrets reserved for friendship to their girlfriends. She wasn't clever enough to work it out on her own, obviously.

Peter gripped his pockets, enraged.

And Henry Sutherland had asked her out- now she was probably gonna get with someone tall and rugby-fied, like Steve Abbott-

"Your laces are untied." He said to Avery, who walked past him. Avery gawked at him.

"I hate people who tell me to tie my laces." Avery said.

"You'll trip."

"I'll be fine."

Unbeknownst to Peter Pettigrew, Edward Avery had sensed tension within the group. Edward Avery knew Peter Pettigrew's heart, as much as it disgusted him. Edward Avery knew that Peter felt isolated. Edward Avery had no shame talking to people he looked down upon, like Peter Pettigrew, if they offered him something.

"Are you alright, Pettigrew?" He asked, as he bent down to tie his laces. "You look rather depressed."

"Just life." Peter shrugged. "I have Geography homework-"

"I can get you the answers, if you want." Edward smiled. "My friend takes it. She's in your class."

"I know." Peter said.

"Do your friends not help you with your homework?"

"Not really- they don't take most of my subjects."

"Pity." Edward smiled. "Would you like a cigarette?"

"Not really." Peter said. "You hurt my other friend."

"She's not really your friend, though, is she?"

"She's my friend's ex-girlfriend, and you ruined their relationship."

"Their relationship wasn't proper in the first place." Edward said, with a sly sort of smile. "He's been leaving you out, hasn't he? I can tell. Now he must be all moody-"

"It's alright." Peter said. "They're all moody. They'll come around- they always do- we have rugby in December- that means a wicked party- we had one for Sirius's birthday- he slept with Carmen Parisi- but I'm not supposed to tell you that-"

"When was your birthday, Peter?" Edward asked.

"September 9th."

"Did they throw you a party?"

"No."

Of course, this was perfectly logical. It was the first week in school. Peter did not ask for one, and James did mention it, but Peter said that it was too early, and it fell on a school night too, and they had to wait to see how the new fifth-year prefects turned out, whether they were snitches or not. James then said that he would sneak him to Hogsmeade and get tons of chocolate, on James's dime, as a make-up present, which was then spent playing Go Fish, the only card game Peter was good at, till three in the morning. It was a terrifically fun birthday.

"I bet they'll throw Lupin a birthday- and Evans- and Meadowes-"

"I suppose. But I don't think Dorcas wants a birthday party- it's her birthday in December- well it's a rugby weekend- so I suppose it'll tie in-" Peter said.

"You fancy her, don't you?" Edward said, with a perverted little smile that hid his true feelings towards such matters.

"No." Peter said, although he blushed.

"It's alright." Edward said. "Sometimes we fancy people we shouldn't. I'll keep your secret, Peter, don't worry. What do you want to do after school?"

"No idea." Peter shrugged. "Maybe something in business- or I like Geography-"

"I can see if we have an opening or internship in my father's company. I think you'd be good at it." Avery smiled. "I'll meet you here, sometime. What about on Saturday?"

Edward Avery could be very handsome, very charming, very alluring, when he wanted to be. I would say Poor Peter Pettigrew, but really, there was little sympathy to be held for someone so self-pitying, so easily bought, so easily backstabbing. It was he, ultimately, who hurt Madeline Clarke, it was he who initiated March Ninth- it was he, who repeated the cycle. Avery may have been some sort of mutated psychopath, but Peter Pettigrew was a sad excuse for a man.

A Nostalgic Moment

Lily was trying to avoid talking to Liam by running out of Chemistry with Dorcas-speed, down the hallway and taking a left down the corridor that ended with corner stairs that led to the 'lover's corridor' which any good Hogwarts student knew to avoid like a plague.

Ironic, wasn't it?

Perhaps it was a disappointment in the utter failure Liam Alton had transfigured himself into, after two years of awkward pining, too ashamed to even admit it to her friends. Perhaps it was easier to channel her anger at the failures of every adult around her into Liam Alton. But the point remained- she was not going to speak to Liam Alton. A taste of his own medicine.

"Wouldn't go there, if I were you." James Potter said, waiting to her right, tucked away. He ran a hand through his hair, checking his right.

"Why not?"

"Remus and Madeline have gotten back together." James sighed.

"And?"

"Lover's Corridor."

"But-"

"Never resist the power of Remus Lupin's horniness."

"Ew."

"And I wouldn't go to the right, either." James Potter shrugged. "Broom Closet occupied."

"So we can just walk past it-"

"Noises are being omitted."

"So, then, shouldn't you leave?"

"Shouldn't you?"

"I'm avoiding Liam."

"Poor Monologer."

"Stop calling him that."

"He is the Nobel Peace Prize Winner for being the dullest man alive."

"Shut up."

"He might get a second."

"For being a first-class prick?"

"Dump him, already, Evans."

Lily shrugged. "First, there was mutual glaring, you know?"

"And now he's just clingy?"

"I don't think he understands."

"Understands what?"

"I think he thinks this is just about Madeline."

"But isn't it just about Madeline?"

"No."

"You know, for someone who never talks and always seems far away, you'd think he'd muster up something interesting to say once in a while."

"It's not that. I like talking to Liam. He's very understanding. I am- actually- well-"

"Spit it out."

"I'm sort of attracted to the whole brooding thing? He's very stable, and that's all I really want. Some stability in my chaotic life. I'm quite a serious person, you know."

"I know. So you're telling me your type is boring people? Like- Binns?"

"Shut up."

"No wonder you hated me. I'm the exact opposite-"

"I'm going to throw my chemistry textbook at you."

"So why do you hate Liam Alton now?"

"I think we're plateauing."

"Plateauing?"

"Dorcas said it best." Lily sighed. "Dorcas said- that Liam- it was never in my favour, you know? I was always wide-eyed and following him around."

"So in a way- you were the y variable and he was the x?"

Lily made a little 'oh' face. "Oh- that's right- that's brilliant. I was always in terms of Liam. We always had to do what he wanted to do- I always fought to keep the conversation going- I did everything to get his attention- and I know it's premature- but it'll just mean we're going to fight and fight and fight because I'll pretend otherwise and I just am too tired to keep a relationship like that again."

"Which is what happened with the greasy git-"

"Yeah. He refuses to admit it, but that's what happened. I just feel- constantly- tolerated by Liam. Dorcas says I'm too scared to tell him because whenever I told Sev- Snape that- then he would always dismiss it."

"So- you have like- cheap daddy issues?"

"Well, when you put it that way, it just sounds wrong!"

"Dump Alton. It'll free up your mind. Dump Alton, and hey, in December, shag the pants off someone good-looking. Like Ethan McDougal."

"When has any plan involving Ethan McDougal ever gone right?"

"That is a fair question. But in defence of Ethan McDougal, he is generally the stepping stone for good things."

"Good things? He and Frank got into a massive fight-"

"Frank is about as observant as a rock. He would've never realised he fancied Alice if Ethan didn't get his sticky fingers all over her. And Madeline would've never said anything if Ethan didn't shock her with his puckering lips-"

"Puckering lips?"

"He looks like he has puckering lips. And the moustache. Moustaches are gross."

"You say that because you can't grow one."

"Watch me try, Evans. I will have one by January, I assure you."

"Henry Sutherland grew one."

"Henry Sutherland got rejected by Meadowes."

"That doesn't mean anything."

"Henry Sutherland makes Liam Alton look like the Jester of Hogwarts."

"Diplomatically speaking, he is an inoffensive character, yes, but he has a moustache, which is something you don't have, so I'll give credit where credit is due."

"Screw you, Evans, screw you."

"Sometimes, when I talk to Liam, he sits there and just breathes with his eyes closed." Lily sighed. "As if listening to me is the biggest burden in the world."

"As if he talks."

"I know." Lily sighed. "It'll be alright. Right? I just need to pluck up the courage to tell him I'm not going to let it get bad."

"How can you throw shoes at people, and charge up to me to tell me what I'm doing makes Jesus turn in his grave, but are too scared to confront Liam Alton?"

"Because. That's black and white and Liam is just a murky grey. It's easy to confront when it's clear cut. But Liam's become black and white now, so there's nothing to hide from anymore." Lily shrugged. She checked the corridor and saw that it was empty. "Whatever. I'm probably late for Maths- see you."

She ran off, leaving James Potter all alone, watching November wane out of a window.

A Reconstruction

Madeline Clarke pulled away from her recently reunited boyfriend and ran to the staircase, heaving.

"No kissing." She said, "Kissing Bad."

Remus, who was wondering if he really was that bad of a kisser, having been out of practice for approximately 25 days, was further startled by the globules of vomit that she was hurling over the staircases, tactfully avoiding passing first years who had not yet learnt to avoid 'Lovers Lane'.

"Madeline- are you ok- do you need- the Hospital Wing- Are you-"

"No Kissing." She said meekly. "Kissing Bad."

"I shouldn't have-"

"No. I thought I could handle it." She said, "I'm just weak and it's too soon and I don't know-"

"Not Weak." He said. "Not weak."

He tried to wrap his arm around, in a more conservative act of comfort, but she got up and vomited some more over the brassy handrail.

"Sorry." She said, wiping her mouth with a napkin she had stolen from the Art Room. "Can you take me to the Hospital Wing?"

"Hopefully you can convince Mary not to force you to eat anymore squash. Maybe you're allergic."

"I'm 50 kilograms today." Madeline whispered, although some of the vomit was still lingering, at least in smell. "But I think that's because I haven't done a poo in a while, and I am terribly constipated. It happens."

(The Next Day)

"Liam-" Lily said, as she finished saying her piece, which she had practised. It was carefully crafted- well thought out- balanced- took into account both sides-

I think with everything going on, it'll be too difficult to maintain a relationship- I don't like how you treat me- you don't really seem to be engaged- you seem to be somewhere else- I can't support your ego and fawn over you anymore-

Of course, she didn't say what she had been dancing around for the past month, which was Liam Alton had become a massive waste of time and disappointment.

"So we're over?"

"I'm sorry." She said, "I think it's for the best-"

"You didn't even listen to me, you just ran away-"

"I didn't really have the energy to fight, Liam." Lily shrugged. "There were bigger things-"

"I apologised to Clarke."

"It's not about Madeline. She's just the Crucible."

"I thought she was the entire point of why we were fighting-"

"No, Liam." Lily shrugged. "It just revealed that I don't think this will end very well."

"What on earth do you mean?"

"Lina and Cordelia can explain it for you."

"They hate me right now."

"Well, I don't blame them."

"What did I do? Why are you being such a bitch?"

"I'm not being a bitch, Liam. You just said- do you not even remember?"

"What? I apologised to Madeline-"

"Yes, you mentioned it. I'm talking about you being scared of me liking you more than I like you. What sort of statement is that? God. You're such an arse whenever you open your mouth. No wonder you never do."

"Lily- I didn't know that bothered you- you never mentioned it-"

Lily shrugged. "My friends and I are going on a walk to see the kittens in Hagrid's hut. Please don't follow me."

The idea of sinking deep into sea-grass, staying till the world fell and the stars died and the sun swallowed the earth, seemed quite attractive at the present moment.

"Alice," Frank said, a bruise collecting on his face (Ethan claimed that this was because he was trying to separate the fight up), "I need you to do me a favour, alright?"

Thelia and him were pulling sheets over a sleepaway couch, which had inserted itself into the living area of the Head's dorms. A basket (paid for by Steve Abbott, made by Lily Evans) had been constructed, with tea bags and chocolates and books and old scarves Madeline had knitted. "I need you to look after this girl. I can't tell you what happened to her. Please don't ask me. But she's not doing so well, and you, Lily and Thelia are going to look after her, alright?"

"Is she going to stay here for a while?" Alice asked, turning on the heater and running a bath instinctively.

"Yeah." Frank said. "It's really important this is a nice space for her, alright?"

"Mhm." Alice said. "Maybe we can eat dinner with her- I'll bring something up from the Great Hall- do you know if she likes fish or chicken, because you never know-"

Frank and Thelia smiled, because it was in Alice Fortescue's nature to the person the moment demanded. "We're going to sleep in my old dorm, alright?" Frank said. "Some nights. To give Hannah more- more space."

Alice nodded, Thelia wincing at the euphemism.

"No more Head-Boy dorm sex." Alice said. "Got it. Do you think she wants some of my old clothes- because I have these really funky trousers that don't fit me anymore- all this lettuce- lost five pounds-"

Lily Evans delivered me- she had brought a thick Hufflepuff blanket and a stack of books. "Just for the next couple of weeks." She assured me, "Just until things get better."

She paused for a moment. "Hannah, please, I won't ask again- but please, can you just tell me- was it the same person who did it to Madeline- I won't ask again- but please just answer-"

But Alice opened the door and I walked in, silent. Alice never asked me why I was there, entirely trusting in Frank, entirely trusting in Thelia.

Lily never asked me again, who hurt me. I kept my promise until March Ninth.

Deserved

It was a Friday night, once upon a November; with little crystallizations collecting among the dirt of the windows; it was threatening to blizzard; it was threatening to amend; it was threatening to cover everything that had happened in November with a great layer of slow; it was threatening to melt away again and burrow again in the Spring (which it did).

But of course, no one knew that.

The Marauders, as well as the rest of the rugby team, were walking from practice, waiting for Frank Longbottom to do his business in a urinal. I cannot actually give a reason for their gathering. I just know they were there.

Remus Lupin was washing his hands pedantically, although he winced slightly at the water, as it seemed to instil a sort of feverish twinge in his wrists.

"I think Avery knocked something in me." He said to Peter. "The pain- do you remember- fourth year- it's come back."

Peter scowled at Remus's chronic pain issues. "Maybe- make some tea, or smoke some weed?"

"That's the plan." Remus sighed. "But you know how Madeline gets with drugs."

"Women." Ethan McDougal said. Remus and Peter gave him a mutual look of distaste.

"This is why we need Dorcas around." James said to Sirius. "Means we don't say things like that."

Frank, who was thinking his Frank Longbottom thoughts, pants unzipping, fixating on a crack in the wall, did not recognise that five Slytherin six year males had also walked into the bathroom. An instant amount of tension began to brew, along with the usual desire for retribution, as well as the thick musk of testosterone. Remus Lupin narrowed his eyes. Peter Pettigrew scanted his. James Potter looked to his right, as Ethan McDougal pulled him back wisely (an oxymoron by definition of the word, considering Ethan McDougal never really did anything wise).

Edward Avery walked up to Frank Longbottom and began to fiddle with the fly of his trousers. It took Frank exactly 37 seconds to finish doing a piss, before realising there were invaders in green and silver.

Avery walked up to wash his hands. Remus Lupin, who had frozen in the motions of hand-washing, gave him a good stare. There was an awkward moment. The Slytherins knew what Edward Avery had done. The Gyrffindors knew what Edward Avery had done. The slow-suffocating solution of truth and guilt seemed to catalyse a very long moment of silence that bled from under them.

"Did you enjoy it?" Remus asked.

"Enjoy what?"

"Enjoy it." Remus asked. "Putting your hand up Madeline's skirt. I mean. It's caused us all so much trouble. I'm just wondering if you enjoyed it."

Avery pretended like he was offended by the accusation by closing the slits of his eyes. Remus stared down at him, although he continued to lather soap around his wrists. Peter walked up protectively. Avery made a careful note in his mind.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Avery said.

"Avery, don't play dumb."

"If you're talking about the accusations, then I'll have you know the Board of Directors are going to meet-" Avery began.

"You can't even admit it." James Potter muttered. "The accusations. You're disassociating yourself from the word-"

"Do you know how much that has cost me?" Avery said. "I've spent hours in McGonagall's office- unduly interrogated- I've flunked chemistry, because I've barely any time to study-"

"Or Slughorn's stopped covering for you. He knows, Avery. He knows in his heart." Sirius Black said. "He won't acknowledge it. But he knows."

"Let's go, Moony." Peter muttered. "He's not worth it."

"He still hasn't answered my question." Remus said, flicking his hands, the water landing in Edward Avery's eyes. Avery winced. "Did you enjoy it?"

"Are you not listening?" Avery said, growing angry, "Your ex-girlfriend is a liar-"

"Madeline doesn't have a lying bone in her body and you know that." James Potter said. Frank Longbottom, who had a rather large bladder, unzipped his fly again for a second round.

"We all know how you felt about her- you asked her out- in April-"

"Because she's hot." Mulciber said, the sound of Frank Longbottom's piss providing a somewhat comic soundtrack. "Don't pretend like she's any more than just-"

"Listen here, Scrotum," James Potter said, waving a finger, before being interrupted by the sound of Frank Longbottom's piss and Ethan McDougal stepping forward.

I think I once said 'haven't you heard' is one of the worst things you can hear in your lifetime. Avery heard it once; he was about to hear it again.

"Actually," Ethan McDougal said, "Haven't you heard? I don't know if I'm mistaken, or if you guys are just out of the loop, but I saw Madeline and Remus come down the dorm the night after the bonfire- I mean- I probably was drunk- but I saw them in the common room afterwards- both of them were in their pyjamas- so I assumed they spent the night in his dorm afterwards-"

Ethan McDougal may not be very wise, but he knew that the Slytherins thought of him as a lump of bulk and nothing more, and he also knew that he had caused a fair bit of trouble to poor Madeline Clarke in the past month, and thus, this was his payment: insinuating that not only Remus and Madeline had reunited, but they had done so conjugally.

There was a sheer look of horror in Edward Avery's eyes that confirmed it to everyone in that room- even Frank Longbottom, who was once again zipping up his fly, turning around, looking at Edward Avery with great disgust.

"Oh, bumbling bollocks." He said, unzipping his fly again. "How much water did I drink last night?"

"That's two things wrong with that statement, Avery." James Potter said, with a wicked sort of grin, Frank Longbottom's piss-stream-soundtrack in the background, "Madeline's no liar, and she's not Remus's ex-girlfriend, at least anymore."

"Don't claim victim here." Mulciber began, "Don't pretend like your girlfriend wears the shortest skirts known to man- and is the rumour true- did she really snog Ethan McDougal-"

"Do you two, like, take turns ogling her?" Sirius Black asked, "I mean- we all know you do it with Meadowes- that's probably why you five are so obsessed with her-"

"She let me. She just stood there." Edward Avery said to himself, "And no one will believe you, or her. No one will, you hear me? You think McGonagall will believe you- what- I just admitted it? She won't. Your credibility is shot. You think she's going to go up against the board? She just stood there- she didn't do anything-"

The Slytherin boys let out a little 'o' in their mouths, having truly believed Avery's little monologues, Totally unwarranted- a political scheme- my father will hear about this, his cries of innocence, a sure miscarraige of justice.

Remus Lupin said nothing, continuing to wash his hands. He looked at himself in the mirror. Edward Avery let a sick little grin, imprinted in his mirror, believing he had won, well and truly, Frank Longbottom zipping up his fly once and for all. James Potter began to walk up to him, but Remus put up his hand.

Edward Avery began to shake his hands, but Remus, the anger issues he had tried to suppress in third year coming out, grabbed the back of his neck and smashed it against the sink, again and again, Avery's hands pinned behind his back, his nose against the hard porcelain of the sink, his neck pressed against the gold taps, blood trickling into the drains.

And then all hell broke loose, yet again.

Winter

"So- you're telling me-" Lily Evans said, putting her hands in her face, as Madeline and Mary frolicked near the deer, offering them oats in thick gloved hands, listening as James Potter described the night.

"Frank Longbottom broke Rosier's nose? Remus has a broken arm- although Avery's in the hospital wing for a month, poor fellow."

"But Frank-"

"That's confidential." James Potter muttered. "He's Head Boy. He can't go around punching Slytherins. Ethan- Ethan said he started it."

"But Remus did."

"But Remus is a prefect, as well. He can't go around starting fights. Not if he wants Head Boy. Ethan took the blame for everything. He has two months worth of weeknight detentions. Frank said he didn't realise and spent his time pissing, then tried to break it up- which, if you know Frank Lonbgottom, makes total sense. It's Ethan's penance for trying to kiss Madeline."

"But Avery-"

"Well." James Potter said, "Is humiliated by the fact that they got back together, and Remus beat him. Far more honourable being thumped by McDougal, huh?"

"Remus really smashed his face against a sink?"

"It was amazing." James Potter said, beaming. "I feel like a proud father-"

Lily Evans smacked him against his stomach. "Remus can't go around beating people-"

"Oh, he won't. He didn't know what happened to him. Poor thing. It'll be alright, Madeline's taking care of his arm. He's in a lot of pain, now. You know how he used to be in so much pain-"

"I didn't."

James winced. "He doesn't like to talk about it, so don't bring it up."

"I won't." Lily sighed. James offered her some oats. She bent down, little tendrils of red poking out of her baker boy hat, as a deer approached her and nuzzled her gloves. Madeline walked over and adjusted Remus's sling, frowning slightly as she rolled down his sleeve to ensure proper circulation.

"It's only fractured." Remus said, anxiously, looking over his shoulder.

"James said it was broken."

"James is being overdramatic."

"Did he really admit it?" Madeline said, looking up to him and laying her head against his good arm. "Did he really say he did it?"

"I mean. It's not very credible, because the Slytherins will all say he didn't, and we did- you know- beat him up after-"

"But it's the principle." Madeline said firmly. "It's the principle. He knows we know, and he knows he has to sleep at night knowing what he did."

"You'll have new Septembers." Remus said, as a freckled fawn came and rubbed against his leg.

"Careful." Madeline said to it, frowning slightly. "With Remus's luck, he'll be out another limb by the end of tonight."

Remus bit back a little smile, as she played with its ear. Mary McDonald came with more oats, Dorcas chatising Marlene for trying to offer it chocolate.

"It's nice." Lily said to James Potter, "Doing this with all of you. I was worried about not keeping the tradition up. And Madeline seems to enjoy it-"

"Deer are the best animals." James said. "Stags are cool. But not as scary as owls."

"Owls?" Lily said.

"Owls. Horrid animals. With big eyes and weird noses- not even proper birds- russian spies, I tell you, russian spies-"

"Shut up." Lily muttered, but she was smiling. She plaited her hair nervously, scanning behind her. "I broke up with Liam yesterday."

"You did?" James said. "And you haven't told anyone?"

"I have a habit of keeping important life events to myself." Lily said. "But I think it's good. We would've just spent the rest of the time fighting. The honeymoon stage was wearing off. It would've been more trouble than it was worth. Besides. I need to focus on my A-Levels."

"That's what everyone says when they don't get asked out or a relationship fails on them." James muttered.

"Lina Hoffman said it."

"Lina Hoffman slept with Madeline's ex-boyfriend, everyone is grateful Lina's averted herself from future shenanigans. Besides, how hard are A-Levels?"

"It's true. It's exhausting trying to manage friends and a boyfriend and a school and all my societies-"

Madeline's fawn came and rubbed against Lily's leg.

"You stole my deer!" Madeline scowled.

"We ran out of oats, Madeline, because you gave it all of ours."

"Deer are such fickle animals." Marlene said.

"Cats are far superior." Madeline said. "Remus, stop laughing. I know Aslan ate your chemistry notes, but he is just trying to avenge you for dumping me and thinking I cheated on you."

"Deer are wonderful creatures." Lily smiled, rubbing her fawn fondly. "They're my favourite animal."

Lily let out a great big sigh, as her fawn trotted back into the Forbidden Forest. "And she's gone. Oh well. I'm out of oats too."

She collapsed into the snow, as it began to snow, slightly. She smiled. "Oh, the first fall of snow is always so wonderful. November may be a horrid month- the definition of the colour grey- but the first fall of snow is always so magical. Not like January Snow- that's when it becomes an endless void."

"Isn't the second fall of snow?"

"It's still part of the first." Lily said, waving a hand. "I don't really care. Snow is qualitative, not quantitative."

She sat up, as Madeline walked over and lay in her lap, looking up at the snow falling onto their winter-kissed faces. "I'm so much happier." Lily sighed. "Is it wrong that I am happy in such a depressing state?"

"Of course not." Madeline said starkly. "Winter is when you can read a Christmas Carol. Obviously, you would be happy- oh! Remus! I'm reading Rebecca again with Lily and I was wondering-"

She ran off, leaving James and Lily to watch, as the snow fell around Madeline, who was doing amateur ballerina moves, although her coat was too thick and restrictive to allow proper movement.

"I never apologised to you, did I, Potter?" Lily said, getting up.

"For what?"

"Being such a horrid cow this summer." Lily sighed. "I was really a sordid, off-colour bitch. It wasn't fair."

James Potter made an 'O', but shrugged, as if to say 'It'll be alright'.

"It was actually really fun, if you took away my moaning." Lily said. "I wish I could re-do it, and invite everyone to Godric's Hollow. Godric's Hollow would make a great death place, I think. I want my ashes in Godric's Hollow. It's so peaceful."

Peter and Sirius came down, interrupting James's reply. Lily ran off and spun Madeline around, like something in a film, the winter coming round them, as if to make amends for the tragedy that was November, circular and all-encompassing, a layer of peace tangling in Lily's hair.

"Let's get some hot chocolate." Lily declared, "To celebrate the end of November. And the end of Liam and my relationship."

"You dumped him?" Dorcas said. "Jesus, Mary and Joseph- that's a relief-"

Lily shrugged. "It is what it is. Now, hot chocolate. You coming, boys?"

James Potter remembered that he had offered to meet Cordelia King in thirty minutes, but he decided against it. He would suffer the consequences later.

As Lily Evans stirred her hot chocolate, looking deep into her mug, the snow isolating them further into the castle, she came across a thought unmentionable to her fourth year self, which perhaps decreed that her fourth year self's compass and wisdom had finally expired.

If Steve Abbott could be redeemed and Severus lost, and Ethan McDougal a dark-knight sort of saviour, then perhaps, just perhaps, in the grand scheme of November, James Potter wasn't so bad after all.