Disclaimer: see part 1
Part 6
Broken reflection
By Random1377
Several days later, Maya asked Shinji to spend the night again. Not really seeing any reason not to, he agreed.
As he gathered his things after school, he bumped into Asuka walking into the kitchen. -Great,- he thought, -the Silent Child.- He sighed internally, "Hey, Asuka... I need to tell you something."
He looked at her blank face and sighed, "Listen," he said, "I'm going to stay the night at Maya's." her eyes widened, but she said nothing, -At least she's listening...- he thought, "If Misato asks, I'm at Kensuke's, ok? I have my cell phone if anything goes wrong, ok?" she just stared at him. "Fine..." he said tiredly, "I just thought you should know where I am..." -Don't ask me why.-
Finally, she nodded... barely, and went to her room. Shinji sighed and walked out the door, determined not to let the encounter spoil the whole day.
**
Driving to her apartment, Maya was filled with trepidation. -What is the matter with me?- she asked herself angrily, -I want to feel close to him... it's not like I asked him to have sex!- she was hit with conflicting images at the thought, some happy... some not.
As they entered her apartment, she took his hand, determined to quell her growing unease. She kissed him, drawing him into her embrace, -I want this... I want to wake up beside him...- her mind spun, a desperate war being waged in her mind. She led him into her bedroom, trying to ignore the sudden realization that this was the first time they were truly alone, where no one could see them... or help if anything bad happened.
They sat down on the edge of her bed. Maya looked into his dark blue eyes, wishing that everything felt like it had when they slept together in her car. -Why? Why won't this feeling go away? I've already decided this was right...- Deep inside she was not sure... the familiar crushing feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. The feel of her room... the feel of him next to her - everything was like a broken reflection of that night, five years ago.
-NO! I won't think about that now!- she pulled him to her, kissing him firmly. She opened her mouth, feeling him do the same, their lips pressed tightly together. -What if it happens again?- a dark voice whispered to her. She frowned, trying to push it away, concentrating instead on the soft taste of his tongue.
Shinji carefully reached up and undid the top button on her shirt, waiting for a sign that he should stop.
-It's starting again...- that same voice whispered in her mind, -just like last time...- shoving it back down inside her, she kissed him harder, running her hands over his
shoulders and back.
Shinji slowly unbuttoned her shirt all the way, leaving her in her skirt and a simple white bra. He lay a hand on her side, feeling the soft texture of her skin.
-He'll be the same, Maya...- the voice promised, -the same as before...-
He ran his hand carefully up her side, stopping just below her breast.
-See? It's started already...- as his hand slowly inched higher, Maya struggled for breath. She was drowning. She was struggling, panic rising inside her. She gasped and pushed him away, "NO!" She backed up on the bed, shaking, and crossed her arms over herself.
"What's wrong?" Shinji stood up quickly afraid that he had hurt her. He reached out slowly.
Her eyes widened, not really seeing him, "Don't touch me. Just get away." Her voice was low and empty.
He backed away, unsure, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-"
She hugged herself tighter.
He remembered her words of a few days prior, "I'm sorry."
She said nothing, just continued to stare.
"Umm... should I... should I leave, Maya?" he asked quietly, 'Say your sorry... then give me some time...' her words, so happy at the time, came back to him.
"Yes..." she said, "I can't make you understand what's wrong... so just leave..."
The anger in her voice shook him. "Please," he said, running his hand thorough his hair,
"I want to understand."
"How could you understand?" she whispered to herself, "You're just a child..."
Shinji swallowed hard, his world shaken. Silently he stood, hoping he had misheard her. She said nothing more... she just stared at the wall. Shinji's heart broke in the silence, -I won't cry...- he promised himself. Instead, he just said, "Goodnight, Maya. I'll give you some time..." but in his heart, he did not think that time would mend the tear in his soul from her words. He closed the door quietly behind him and walked off into the night in silence.
Her mind hardly registered his departure, too caught up in reliving the past. She stared into space, unmoving... until the morning came.
**
As the sun peeked over the tops of the mountains, Shinji tiredly opened the door to the apartment. He had wandered the streets of Tokyo-3 for the entire night, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. It didn't take too long, but he wandered anyway, hoping to come up with a better answer. -I shouldn't have tried to touch her...- he thought sadly, returning to the same conclusion he reached the split-second she had pushed him away.
He slid the door quietly shut, hoping that Misato wasn't awake. She wasn't, but as he came into the kitchen he saw Asuka sitting at the table, already dressed for school. "Hello, Third Child." she said quietly as he drew up short. He was surprised, as it was the first time in the last few days she had spoken to him. His every attempt to apologize again had been met with stony silence.
"Gutten Morgen, Asuka..." he said, greeting her with a bow and her native language.
After a moment of awkward quiet, he turned and started walking from the room.
"Wait a minute..." her voice stopped him. He obeyed without question, his mind running on autopilot. As he turned, she rose to inspect him. "Hmmmm..." she said critically, "Rough night?"
He just nodded, suddenly hit with everything all again. He blinked, fighting back tears, -I will NOT cry!- he thought again. He had been repeating that to himself all night, like a mantra.
"Date went well, then?" she said with a smirk, -Why am I doing this... I... I was going to apologize.- To her surprise, he stared at her blankly, then shook his head... once to the left, once to the right, before turning and walking from the room.
A stunned moment later, she chased after him, catching him at the door to his room, "Wait..." she laid a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry... what happened?" She blinked, realizing that she had just apologized without a second thought.
He looked at her hand, then her face, "I... we... she asked me to leave..." he said, stumbling over his words.
Asuka thought back to the happy look on their faces as they got into the car for their first ride, and was unable to imagine Maya asking him to change a light bulb, let alone leave after asking him to spend the night. "What happened?" she asked.
He looked blankly over her shoulder, "I... touched her, and she screamed and asked me to leave." He looked at the floor, "I never should have touched her..." he whispered.
"Where did you touch her?!?" Asuka said angrily, -If it's where I think, I don't blame her for kicking him out... pervert!- His answer surprised her.
"I touched her breast... barely..." he sighed deeply, "I thought that she wanted me too, or she would have stopped me from taking off her shirt... I'm so stupid..."
-That's IT? He touched her breast... after she LET him take her shirt off??- Since she was quiet, he assumed she was done talking to him so he stepped into his room.
She followed, watching as he moved zombie-like to his bed and flopped down on his back, sighing deeply.
Carefully she sat down on his bed and put a hand on his wrist, "Shinji?" he looked up at her, taking more notice, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I teased you about her, and I'm...I am sorry."
A slight smile drifted across his face like a cloud shadow, "Thank you, Asuka... and I'm sorry that I hurt you." He looked back up at the ceiling.
Asuka didn't move her hand, "Shinji, if you want... we could...hang out sometime..." She looked away, "I wouldn't mind."
He looked at her, astonished, "What?"
"I mean, if it would help. I wouldn't mind." She swallowed and darted her eyes away, embarrassed. She stood awkwardly.
He grabbed her wrist gently, "Asuka, wait. Thank you." He smiled "You don't have to if you don't want to... but thank you."
She considered him for a moment, her mind working overtime, and then she nodded, "Ok. I should get to school..." Her voice trailed off.
She turned to leave, but he still held her hand, "Asuka..." he said quietly.
She said nothing for a moment, thinking of how long they had known each other and the fact that this was probably the only REAL human moment they had shared.
"Asuka?" he said once more, even quieter if possible.
"Shinji?" she said, smiling slightly as she echoed him.
"Will you..." he stammered, suddenly unsure, "will you lay down with me? I promise I won't touch you... I just... don't want to be alone right now..."
She stepped back, surprised and then nodded. "Yeah... I could do that..."
She climbed onto the bed with him, trying to find a place where she would not be draped over him. Finally she settled for lying on her side with her head on his shoulder and one arm around his stomach. -This is... nice...- she thought idly. She studied his face, -he looks so lost... I wonder if we... if I... no...- she rejected the thought as soon as it arose, -Maybe in another time... in another place... but this would be wrong...-
"Asuka?" he said quietly, "Do you... do you think she'll take me back?"
She raised her head to look at him as she answered, "I don't know, Shinji... I don't know her very well." She smiled, "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you did anything wrong... I think if you talk to her things will be ok."
"Yeah..." he whispered, entirely unconvinced. Then he smiled back at her, "Thanks for trying, though..." He closed his eyes.
She frowned, and then put her head back on his shoulder, "Sure..." she said quietly. Together they slept in comfortable silence.
**
Ritsuko looked up as Maya walked into the office, and then did a double take, "Maya, are you alright?" she asked, worried at the younger technician's appearance.
The younger woman looked at her groggily, "I... yes, Sempai... I'm fine." She sat at her desk and pulled her keyboard forward.
Ritsuko stood and walked over to her desk, "Was your date... nice, Maya?" she smiled mischievously, taking in her coworker's tired eyes and disheveled hair. -I wonder if she actually... no... she didn't. But she definitely looks like she was up late...-
Maya looked at her, and she was taken aback by the emptiness in her eyes, "No, Sempai... he touched me, and I asked him to leave..." she looked at her lap, "I'm such a fool to think that he would be different..."
Ritsuko sensed that there was more here than she could see, "He... touched you?" she frowned, "Shinji touched you?" she was confused, -I can't imagine him doing anything before getting her permission... I just can't picture it...- "Do you want to... talk about it, Maya?" she asked, hesitantly, -Damn... I'm no good at this...-
Maya shook her head, facing her computer, "That's all that happened. He was just a little boy after all."
"Just because he tried to touch you? His girlfriend?" Ritsuko was not sure how to feel about this turn of events. She realized that something else may be going on with Maya, but was unsure of what to say to get the other woman to confide in her.
"Maya?" the brown-haired woman turned to face her, "Maya, I... think maybe you should talk to him. I don't think Shinji would do anything to hurt you, he's too sweet."
Maya's eyes flashed, "No! I am tired of being taken advantage of by men!"
Ritsuko did not have a reply, she just stared at the younger woman with her mouth open. Seeing that she would not be able to sway her, she walked back to her desk, "Maya?" she said as she sat down, "At least think about it, ok? He really is a sweet young man..." Maya said nothing.
They spent the rest of the day working in silence.
**
Several days passed without any major changes. Shinji and Asuka became closer, but Shinji still spent much of his time thinking of how he had gone wrong, and the hurtful things Maya had said to him.
The worst part for him was the sync tests. He sat in the LCL, his eyes tightly closed to block out the vision of her sitting calmly in front of him... behind a wall of glass in more ways than one.
After one such test, Ritsuko approached him cautiously, "Shinji?" she began, taking note of the perpetual frown the boy always seemed to wear, "Can I talk to you a moment?"
"If it's about my low sync scores, Doctor Akagi, I'm sorry..." he said, his voice low, "I've had some things on my mind. I'll do better."
She frowned, -Should I tell him? I... well, no one else seems to be talking to him, what with Misato out of town for the week...- "Shinji," she spoke carefully, looking around before proceeding, "I know about you and Maya..."
He looked at her blankly, then fetched a deep sigh, "There isn't a 'me and Maya'... not anymore..." he pushed the release on his plugsuit, allowing it to depressurize, "is that all you wanted to tell me? That you know about it? I said I'll do better..."
She was surprised at the emptiness in his voice, "Well... I..." she didn't know how to proceed, suddenly feeling that it may now be beyond her ability to help. Finally she said, "Shinji, I know that things may look bad now, but try not to let it get you down... I'm sure you guys can work it out." She was amazed at how hollow it sounded.
"Thank you for your concern, Doctor." He said turning from her and peeling the top half of the suit off, "But I don't think we will. Will you excuse me now? I need to take a shower and go home... I have a test tomorrow."
She nodded, knowing that she could not reach him... or Maya. She turned and left quietly.
**
Two days after that, Shinji and Asuka ran towards headquarters as the sky opened up and rain began to fall. "Shinji?" Asuka panted as they neared the huge complex, "When this sync test is over... do you... want me to help you get back together with Maya?"
Shinji thought about it as they ran, "No." he said, a little too quickly. "No, but thank you."
Frowning, Asuka thought, -I'm going to anyway... as soon as we get done, I'll talk to that silly woman...- as they swiped their access cards through the reader and made for the changing rooms she mentally added, -what kind of idiot would let him go?-
**
- Why do I feel like everything's gone wrong?- Maya rubbed her head as she walked back to her modest office, -ARRRGHH!!!- she hated feeling this way. She couldn't deny that she felt strongly for him, but every time she saw him she was struck by how young he was.
The sync tests were the worst. Hours of silently watching his face as he concentrated on reaching out to the mecha. -And he's slipping... badly...- she was broken out of her thoughts by the sight of Asuka waiting outside her office, still in her plugsuit. The girl looked perturbed.
"Asuka..." she greeted the redhead cautiously, "what can I do for-"
"Are you crazy?" the girl cut her off, "Seriously, is there a complicated name for what's wrong with you? Or does just 'nuts' fit?"
"What are you talking-" Asuka was not going to let her finish, as she cut her off a second time.
"Why did you break up with him? Was he too gentle, or was it because he was too nice?" she stepped closer to the technician, "Do you even KNOW what you had?"
Maya regained her composure, "I really don't think this is any of your business, Asuka. I'm much older than he is, and it wasn't working out anyway."
Asuka blinked, "It wasn't? That's funny... up until a few days ago I would have sworn that Shinji was smiling... I always thought that was a sign of happiness."
Maya bristled, "Just because the sun is shining and one person is happy, doesn't mean it isn't raining somewhere else." She waved Asuka off, "I don't have to justify myself to you, you're barely old enough to start your period, let alone know what I feel."
Asuka shook her head in disbelief, remembering the smile on the older woman's face as she got into the car that first day, "Yes, I am young... but I'm old enough to recognize when someone is being stupid." -She is so full of it!-
"What?" Maya flushed, "What would you know about anything?"
Asuka stared at her for a moment, then turned around and walked away. Over her shoulder she said, "I don't know as much as you perhaps, but I did learn one thing in the last few days... I learned how easy it is to crush someone's emotions." She stopped at the corner and regarded Maya, "You taught me that one... proud?" she left without another word.
Maya stared at where the girl had stood moments before. -She's wrong...- she thought to herself, -what does she know? She's just a child...- "Just a child..." she whispered aloud.
For the next three days, Maya slept very little, her dreams plagued by visions of Shinji's unsmiling face in the test plug. When the angel alarm sounded on the fourth day after her discussion with Asuka, Maya felt like she was dead on her feet. As she hurried in to headquarters in the rain she felt like her heart was sufficiently wrapped in a steel box and hidden back away from the world.
The angel's attack would tear her carefully crafted box to shreds.
Continued...
Author's notes: Thanks again to JobFaust for pre-reading and helping out with the story's direction.
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com.
Part 6
Broken reflection
By Random1377
Several days later, Maya asked Shinji to spend the night again. Not really seeing any reason not to, he agreed.
As he gathered his things after school, he bumped into Asuka walking into the kitchen. -Great,- he thought, -the Silent Child.- He sighed internally, "Hey, Asuka... I need to tell you something."
He looked at her blank face and sighed, "Listen," he said, "I'm going to stay the night at Maya's." her eyes widened, but she said nothing, -At least she's listening...- he thought, "If Misato asks, I'm at Kensuke's, ok? I have my cell phone if anything goes wrong, ok?" she just stared at him. "Fine..." he said tiredly, "I just thought you should know where I am..." -Don't ask me why.-
Finally, she nodded... barely, and went to her room. Shinji sighed and walked out the door, determined not to let the encounter spoil the whole day.
**
Driving to her apartment, Maya was filled with trepidation. -What is the matter with me?- she asked herself angrily, -I want to feel close to him... it's not like I asked him to have sex!- she was hit with conflicting images at the thought, some happy... some not.
As they entered her apartment, she took his hand, determined to quell her growing unease. She kissed him, drawing him into her embrace, -I want this... I want to wake up beside him...- her mind spun, a desperate war being waged in her mind. She led him into her bedroom, trying to ignore the sudden realization that this was the first time they were truly alone, where no one could see them... or help if anything bad happened.
They sat down on the edge of her bed. Maya looked into his dark blue eyes, wishing that everything felt like it had when they slept together in her car. -Why? Why won't this feeling go away? I've already decided this was right...- Deep inside she was not sure... the familiar crushing feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. The feel of her room... the feel of him next to her - everything was like a broken reflection of that night, five years ago.
-NO! I won't think about that now!- she pulled him to her, kissing him firmly. She opened her mouth, feeling him do the same, their lips pressed tightly together. -What if it happens again?- a dark voice whispered to her. She frowned, trying to push it away, concentrating instead on the soft taste of his tongue.
Shinji carefully reached up and undid the top button on her shirt, waiting for a sign that he should stop.
-It's starting again...- that same voice whispered in her mind, -just like last time...- shoving it back down inside her, she kissed him harder, running her hands over his
shoulders and back.
Shinji slowly unbuttoned her shirt all the way, leaving her in her skirt and a simple white bra. He lay a hand on her side, feeling the soft texture of her skin.
-He'll be the same, Maya...- the voice promised, -the same as before...-
He ran his hand carefully up her side, stopping just below her breast.
-See? It's started already...- as his hand slowly inched higher, Maya struggled for breath. She was drowning. She was struggling, panic rising inside her. She gasped and pushed him away, "NO!" She backed up on the bed, shaking, and crossed her arms over herself.
"What's wrong?" Shinji stood up quickly afraid that he had hurt her. He reached out slowly.
Her eyes widened, not really seeing him, "Don't touch me. Just get away." Her voice was low and empty.
He backed away, unsure, "I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-"
She hugged herself tighter.
He remembered her words of a few days prior, "I'm sorry."
She said nothing, just continued to stare.
"Umm... should I... should I leave, Maya?" he asked quietly, 'Say your sorry... then give me some time...' her words, so happy at the time, came back to him.
"Yes..." she said, "I can't make you understand what's wrong... so just leave..."
The anger in her voice shook him. "Please," he said, running his hand thorough his hair,
"I want to understand."
"How could you understand?" she whispered to herself, "You're just a child..."
Shinji swallowed hard, his world shaken. Silently he stood, hoping he had misheard her. She said nothing more... she just stared at the wall. Shinji's heart broke in the silence, -I won't cry...- he promised himself. Instead, he just said, "Goodnight, Maya. I'll give you some time..." but in his heart, he did not think that time would mend the tear in his soul from her words. He closed the door quietly behind him and walked off into the night in silence.
Her mind hardly registered his departure, too caught up in reliving the past. She stared into space, unmoving... until the morning came.
**
As the sun peeked over the tops of the mountains, Shinji tiredly opened the door to the apartment. He had wandered the streets of Tokyo-3 for the entire night, trying to figure out what he had done wrong. It didn't take too long, but he wandered anyway, hoping to come up with a better answer. -I shouldn't have tried to touch her...- he thought sadly, returning to the same conclusion he reached the split-second she had pushed him away.
He slid the door quietly shut, hoping that Misato wasn't awake. She wasn't, but as he came into the kitchen he saw Asuka sitting at the table, already dressed for school. "Hello, Third Child." she said quietly as he drew up short. He was surprised, as it was the first time in the last few days she had spoken to him. His every attempt to apologize again had been met with stony silence.
"Gutten Morgen, Asuka..." he said, greeting her with a bow and her native language.
After a moment of awkward quiet, he turned and started walking from the room.
"Wait a minute..." her voice stopped him. He obeyed without question, his mind running on autopilot. As he turned, she rose to inspect him. "Hmmmm..." she said critically, "Rough night?"
He just nodded, suddenly hit with everything all again. He blinked, fighting back tears, -I will NOT cry!- he thought again. He had been repeating that to himself all night, like a mantra.
"Date went well, then?" she said with a smirk, -Why am I doing this... I... I was going to apologize.- To her surprise, he stared at her blankly, then shook his head... once to the left, once to the right, before turning and walking from the room.
A stunned moment later, she chased after him, catching him at the door to his room, "Wait..." she laid a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry... what happened?" She blinked, realizing that she had just apologized without a second thought.
He looked at her hand, then her face, "I... we... she asked me to leave..." he said, stumbling over his words.
Asuka thought back to the happy look on their faces as they got into the car for their first ride, and was unable to imagine Maya asking him to change a light bulb, let alone leave after asking him to spend the night. "What happened?" she asked.
He looked blankly over her shoulder, "I... touched her, and she screamed and asked me to leave." He looked at the floor, "I never should have touched her..." he whispered.
"Where did you touch her?!?" Asuka said angrily, -If it's where I think, I don't blame her for kicking him out... pervert!- His answer surprised her.
"I touched her breast... barely..." he sighed deeply, "I thought that she wanted me too, or she would have stopped me from taking off her shirt... I'm so stupid..."
-That's IT? He touched her breast... after she LET him take her shirt off??- Since she was quiet, he assumed she was done talking to him so he stepped into his room.
She followed, watching as he moved zombie-like to his bed and flopped down on his back, sighing deeply.
Carefully she sat down on his bed and put a hand on his wrist, "Shinji?" he looked up at her, taking more notice, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry that I teased you about her, and I'm...I am sorry."
A slight smile drifted across his face like a cloud shadow, "Thank you, Asuka... and I'm sorry that I hurt you." He looked back up at the ceiling.
Asuka didn't move her hand, "Shinji, if you want... we could...hang out sometime..." She looked away, "I wouldn't mind."
He looked at her, astonished, "What?"
"I mean, if it would help. I wouldn't mind." She swallowed and darted her eyes away, embarrassed. She stood awkwardly.
He grabbed her wrist gently, "Asuka, wait. Thank you." He smiled "You don't have to if you don't want to... but thank you."
She considered him for a moment, her mind working overtime, and then she nodded, "Ok. I should get to school..." Her voice trailed off.
She turned to leave, but he still held her hand, "Asuka..." he said quietly.
She said nothing for a moment, thinking of how long they had known each other and the fact that this was probably the only REAL human moment they had shared.
"Asuka?" he said once more, even quieter if possible.
"Shinji?" she said, smiling slightly as she echoed him.
"Will you..." he stammered, suddenly unsure, "will you lay down with me? I promise I won't touch you... I just... don't want to be alone right now..."
She stepped back, surprised and then nodded. "Yeah... I could do that..."
She climbed onto the bed with him, trying to find a place where she would not be draped over him. Finally she settled for lying on her side with her head on his shoulder and one arm around his stomach. -This is... nice...- she thought idly. She studied his face, -he looks so lost... I wonder if we... if I... no...- she rejected the thought as soon as it arose, -Maybe in another time... in another place... but this would be wrong...-
"Asuka?" he said quietly, "Do you... do you think she'll take me back?"
She raised her head to look at him as she answered, "I don't know, Shinji... I don't know her very well." She smiled, "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think you did anything wrong... I think if you talk to her things will be ok."
"Yeah..." he whispered, entirely unconvinced. Then he smiled back at her, "Thanks for trying, though..." He closed his eyes.
She frowned, and then put her head back on his shoulder, "Sure..." she said quietly. Together they slept in comfortable silence.
**
Ritsuko looked up as Maya walked into the office, and then did a double take, "Maya, are you alright?" she asked, worried at the younger technician's appearance.
The younger woman looked at her groggily, "I... yes, Sempai... I'm fine." She sat at her desk and pulled her keyboard forward.
Ritsuko stood and walked over to her desk, "Was your date... nice, Maya?" she smiled mischievously, taking in her coworker's tired eyes and disheveled hair. -I wonder if she actually... no... she didn't. But she definitely looks like she was up late...-
Maya looked at her, and she was taken aback by the emptiness in her eyes, "No, Sempai... he touched me, and I asked him to leave..." she looked at her lap, "I'm such a fool to think that he would be different..."
Ritsuko sensed that there was more here than she could see, "He... touched you?" she frowned, "Shinji touched you?" she was confused, -I can't imagine him doing anything before getting her permission... I just can't picture it...- "Do you want to... talk about it, Maya?" she asked, hesitantly, -Damn... I'm no good at this...-
Maya shook her head, facing her computer, "That's all that happened. He was just a little boy after all."
"Just because he tried to touch you? His girlfriend?" Ritsuko was not sure how to feel about this turn of events. She realized that something else may be going on with Maya, but was unsure of what to say to get the other woman to confide in her.
"Maya?" the brown-haired woman turned to face her, "Maya, I... think maybe you should talk to him. I don't think Shinji would do anything to hurt you, he's too sweet."
Maya's eyes flashed, "No! I am tired of being taken advantage of by men!"
Ritsuko did not have a reply, she just stared at the younger woman with her mouth open. Seeing that she would not be able to sway her, she walked back to her desk, "Maya?" she said as she sat down, "At least think about it, ok? He really is a sweet young man..." Maya said nothing.
They spent the rest of the day working in silence.
**
Several days passed without any major changes. Shinji and Asuka became closer, but Shinji still spent much of his time thinking of how he had gone wrong, and the hurtful things Maya had said to him.
The worst part for him was the sync tests. He sat in the LCL, his eyes tightly closed to block out the vision of her sitting calmly in front of him... behind a wall of glass in more ways than one.
After one such test, Ritsuko approached him cautiously, "Shinji?" she began, taking note of the perpetual frown the boy always seemed to wear, "Can I talk to you a moment?"
"If it's about my low sync scores, Doctor Akagi, I'm sorry..." he said, his voice low, "I've had some things on my mind. I'll do better."
She frowned, -Should I tell him? I... well, no one else seems to be talking to him, what with Misato out of town for the week...- "Shinji," she spoke carefully, looking around before proceeding, "I know about you and Maya..."
He looked at her blankly, then fetched a deep sigh, "There isn't a 'me and Maya'... not anymore..." he pushed the release on his plugsuit, allowing it to depressurize, "is that all you wanted to tell me? That you know about it? I said I'll do better..."
She was surprised at the emptiness in his voice, "Well... I..." she didn't know how to proceed, suddenly feeling that it may now be beyond her ability to help. Finally she said, "Shinji, I know that things may look bad now, but try not to let it get you down... I'm sure you guys can work it out." She was amazed at how hollow it sounded.
"Thank you for your concern, Doctor." He said turning from her and peeling the top half of the suit off, "But I don't think we will. Will you excuse me now? I need to take a shower and go home... I have a test tomorrow."
She nodded, knowing that she could not reach him... or Maya. She turned and left quietly.
**
Two days after that, Shinji and Asuka ran towards headquarters as the sky opened up and rain began to fall. "Shinji?" Asuka panted as they neared the huge complex, "When this sync test is over... do you... want me to help you get back together with Maya?"
Shinji thought about it as they ran, "No." he said, a little too quickly. "No, but thank you."
Frowning, Asuka thought, -I'm going to anyway... as soon as we get done, I'll talk to that silly woman...- as they swiped their access cards through the reader and made for the changing rooms she mentally added, -what kind of idiot would let him go?-
**
- Why do I feel like everything's gone wrong?- Maya rubbed her head as she walked back to her modest office, -ARRRGHH!!!- she hated feeling this way. She couldn't deny that she felt strongly for him, but every time she saw him she was struck by how young he was.
The sync tests were the worst. Hours of silently watching his face as he concentrated on reaching out to the mecha. -And he's slipping... badly...- she was broken out of her thoughts by the sight of Asuka waiting outside her office, still in her plugsuit. The girl looked perturbed.
"Asuka..." she greeted the redhead cautiously, "what can I do for-"
"Are you crazy?" the girl cut her off, "Seriously, is there a complicated name for what's wrong with you? Or does just 'nuts' fit?"
"What are you talking-" Asuka was not going to let her finish, as she cut her off a second time.
"Why did you break up with him? Was he too gentle, or was it because he was too nice?" she stepped closer to the technician, "Do you even KNOW what you had?"
Maya regained her composure, "I really don't think this is any of your business, Asuka. I'm much older than he is, and it wasn't working out anyway."
Asuka blinked, "It wasn't? That's funny... up until a few days ago I would have sworn that Shinji was smiling... I always thought that was a sign of happiness."
Maya bristled, "Just because the sun is shining and one person is happy, doesn't mean it isn't raining somewhere else." She waved Asuka off, "I don't have to justify myself to you, you're barely old enough to start your period, let alone know what I feel."
Asuka shook her head in disbelief, remembering the smile on the older woman's face as she got into the car that first day, "Yes, I am young... but I'm old enough to recognize when someone is being stupid." -She is so full of it!-
"What?" Maya flushed, "What would you know about anything?"
Asuka stared at her for a moment, then turned around and walked away. Over her shoulder she said, "I don't know as much as you perhaps, but I did learn one thing in the last few days... I learned how easy it is to crush someone's emotions." She stopped at the corner and regarded Maya, "You taught me that one... proud?" she left without another word.
Maya stared at where the girl had stood moments before. -She's wrong...- she thought to herself, -what does she know? She's just a child...- "Just a child..." she whispered aloud.
For the next three days, Maya slept very little, her dreams plagued by visions of Shinji's unsmiling face in the test plug. When the angel alarm sounded on the fourth day after her discussion with Asuka, Maya felt like she was dead on her feet. As she hurried in to headquarters in the rain she felt like her heart was sufficiently wrapped in a steel box and hidden back away from the world.
The angel's attack would tear her carefully crafted box to shreds.
Continued...
Author's notes: Thanks again to JobFaust for pre-reading and helping out with the story's direction.
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com.