"See you tomorrow," Tonks said, yawning. She gave a half-hearted wave to Flan and Cai, thankful they'd stayed with her till the end of the training weekend and braced herself for seeing Remus again.

Their last conversation was awkward and uncomfortable. She'd asked for his help with their children, and to her surprise, he'd responded instantly in the affirmative. He hadn't told her that he'd moved back into their home – nor did she understand why he thought she didn't want him around their children. Though it was true that she had been overprotective of Hope, the months since her first full moon had given her distance from it all. While Tonks had hoped Remus would reach out to her after declaring they'd be on a break, he never did. She thought that after all they'd been through, he'd fight for their marriage. He didn't fight for them, and she was too tired to fight anymore.

They went their separate ways. Remus left behind the children, too. He left them all behind, hiding behind his job at Hogwarts and his cowardice. Tonks, sick of being the only one to fight for them, let him go.

She braced herself for another uncomfortable conversation and stepped through into a Floo in the Ministry Atrium and out into the Northumberland home that Remus was evidently living in again.

The home was unusually quiet. It was still Teddy's birthday – she'd celebrate with him later that week, when her mother was home from the hospital – but there wasn't evidence of children in the home.

"You're here," Remus said, his expression guarded. He walked out of the kitchen with a steaming mug in his hands.

"Where are the kids?"

"Asleep. I took them to the London Zoo for Teddy's birthday."

Tonks nodded and murmured, "That's nice of you."

"I'm their father." Remus set his mug down and crossed his arms over his chest. "It's not 'nice of me.' I'm their bloody father, Dora."

"What's wrong with you?" Tonks asked. "Why are you being such a dick?"

Remus' eyes flew open. "Excuse me?"

"What the fuck, Remus? I come here for the kids and you're being an arsehole."

He took several long strides to meet her. His honey brown eyes were dilated, golden and cold in his apparent fury.

"Why didn't you tell me you were struggling after Hope's birth?" he demanded.

"What?"

"Molly told me what those potions were for – why didn't you say anything?"

"I was going to," Tonks countered, heat rising to her chest. "But you decided to go gallivanting off to Hogwarts!"

Remus's lips were pulled back into a snarl. "You couldn't have written? We have owls! You could've sent a Patronus!"

"YOU DIDN'T COME HOME!" Tonks hollered furiously.

"YOU DIDN'T ASK ME TO COME HOME!"

"YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN—"

"Nymphadora," Remus growled, cutting her off abruptly. "How the fuck was I supposed to know I had to come home when you kept pushing me away?"

"I wasn't pushing you—"

"Like hell you weren't! Every bloody time I tried to talk to you, you'd clam up or push me away!"

"What was I supposed to think?" she shouted. "It's not like you've never left us before!"

Remus's face crumpled momentarily. He pulled back and said, in barely more than a whisper, "I have been torturing myself for months, wondering what I'd done to you to make you keep my children away from me. Do you know what that feels like?"

"I never—"

"No, Nymphadora. You don't get to do this. I've been wracking my brains, miserable and alone for months, thinking I deserved what was happening to me…but it was you who did this to me."

Tonks gasped and clapped her hand to her mouth.

"How dare you, Remus…I've been fighting for our family for years…the minute things get hard you fucking walked away." Tonks swallowed hard, feeling the wrath radiating off her body. "You walked away - just like you always do."

"Don't put this on me," Remus barked, his fists balled at his sides. "For once – just this once – I'm not at fault. You've lied to me…kept my children from me…and for what?"

"I didn't do anything to you," she spat. Tonks couldn't believe what she was hearing. Remus hadn't bothered to reach out to her for months and now she was being accused of tearing their family apart.

"Oh, you did plenty to me," Remus seethed. "You made me think I'd destroyed everything we had. How could you?"

Tonks narrowed her eyes at him. Remus had never spoken to her this way or fought with her like this. She took her wand out of her pocket and pointed it at him.

"What the fuck are you doing, Dora?" Remus said, his voice faltering. He put his hands up in the air, defenseless. Her eyes darted to the mug sitting on the tea table.

"What kind of mug did you use the first time you ever visited my flat, only weeks after we met?"

"What?"

"WHAT KIND OF MUG?" she roared, seeing red sparks emerge from the tip of her wand.

"Giraffe," Remus said, confused. "It was shaped like a giraffe."

Tonks lowered her wand. She felt her heart sink – this really was Remus.

"Mummy!" Teddy's high-pitched voice called from the bottom of the stairs.

"Not now, Teddy," Remus snapped. "Back to your room."

"Don't speak to him like that!" Tonks marched up to Remus, angrier than before.

"You don't tell me how I get to speak to my son," he said, his voice dripping with cold rage. He turned on his heel and met Teddy, whose hair was white as snow, a sure sign he was frightened.

"He's scared—" Tonks began shakily. Hope started crying from upstairs and she fought the urge to shove Remus aside on her way up.

"Now look what you've done," she hissed, dashing past him to get to Hope's room. "I'm taking them home."

Remus stopped her on the stairs, with Teddy's face was tucked into his shoulder. Tonks was sure her son was crying, as his cheeks were blotchy.

"This is their home," Remus said firmly. "They're not going anywhere. You can go wherever you like."

Hope cried louder still, and Tonks glared at him, unwilling to dignify his insane declaration with a response. She stormed into Hope's room, picked her up, and got to work to change her soiled nappy.

When Hope was finally calm, clean, and fed, Tonks gathered her things to bring them downstairs. She was knackered and had no intention of staying in the Northumberland home any longer than she had to.

On her way downstairs, she heard Remus talking to Teddy in the kitchen.

"Your mother and I had to talk about grown-up things, Teddy."

"But why?"

"Sometimes that's what grown-ups have to do."

"Mummy said we're going home."

"No," Remus said forcefully. "You're already home. You're staying here now."

"Is Mummy staying here too?"

"I'm not, and neither are you," Tonks announced. "We're going home while your father—"

"This is our home, Nymphadora," Remus said, glaring at her. "You are welcome to sleep in our bedroom. I'll be sleeping on the sofa. This is where all of us belong."

"You can't tell me what to do." Tonks sounded too much like her four-year-old son in that moment, and she began to feel small and childish, despite standing in the kitchen with her daughter on one hip and the baby bag in the other.

"I'm not telling you what to do. I'm telling you that our family is home, and this is where we'll be," Remus informed her. "No one is making you stay or go."

"You're holding our children here against my wishes."

"As if you were any different for the last seven months," he said, nearly growling the words out.

"Fine…have it your way, you bas—" Tonks stopped herself, watching Teddy's hair go white again. She clenched her teeth and said, evenly, "I'll be upstairs, then."

"There's supper for you if you want," Remus added quietly. "I'll leave you alone once I'm done with our son."

Tonks could smell the lamb curry and her stomach gurgled hungrily. She nodded curtly at him and turned back around to go up to Hope's room to figure out how to deal with whatever madness Remus was experiencing.

She set Hope down in her cot and rushed down the corridor to the bedroom she'd shared with her husband. Once there, she collapsed on the floor. Tears began streaming down her face as the conversation replayed in her head. Guilt, shame, and regret all came in waves. She knew she'd been unfair with Remus at times over the last several months, but she couldn't understand why he hadn't fought harder for their marriage. She knew it was a low blow to mention the times Remus had run from their family before, but it wasn't as if it was much different now. He'd run to Hogwarts and communicated with only Teddy.

"No, Nymphadora. You don't get to do this. I've been wracking my brains, crying alone for months, thinking I deserved what was happening to me…but it was you who did this to me."

The pained expression in his eyes…the furious way he choked on the syllables…the heaving of his chest as his fury flowed out from him…all of it came running through Tonks's head as she cried miserably on the floor of her old bedroom. None of it felt fair to her. She wanted only the best for her children, and all her efforts were being flung in her face. None of her hard work mattered anymore.

Wretched, alone, and hungry, Tonks cried herself to sleep, unaware that her husband was feeling just as lonely and desperate only one floor away from her.

…

"How's your mother?" asked Molly, after placing a steaming bowl of beef stew in front of Tonks. "Will she be out of St. Mungo's soon?"

"In a few days," replied Tonks. She dug into her dinner, grateful for Molly's expert cooking. In the last week, Tonks had struggled to feed herself and her children without her mother's help, exhausted by her never-ending duties as Head Auror and shuffling her children to and from the Burrow each day. She ate quickly, having forgotten to eat lunch that day, and sat back in the colorful kitchen chair with a groan.

"Have another bowl." Molly took the empty bowl away and offered a fresh one, filled to the brim with the hearty stew. Tonks couldn't find it in herself to turn it down and dug in for a second helping.

"Hope is asleep and Teddy's with Arthur in the shed. It gives us a little more time to chat, dear."

Tonks recoiled in her seat. She was afraid that Molly would want to talk, especially after speaking to Remus on Sunday night. She went to the Northumberland home for the first time in ages, found it cleaner than she'd ever seen it, and had a loud, painful row with her husband.

"Forgive me for imposing—" Molly began, upon seeing the grimace that crossed Tonks's face.

"Then don't impose," Tonks interrupted briskly, as Molly's face fell. "I'm sorry. I'm being an arsehole. I don't need any help, Molly."

"Nymphadora Andromeda Lupin-Tonks," Molly said, in a scolding tone. Tonks's jaw fell open – Molly never addressed her this way. "I may not be your mother, but you and Remus are like family to me. You and I are going to have a chat for your own good."

Tonks's chin quivered. She'd barely held herself together that day in the office. Her morning started off cordially enough, with Remus insisting that he'd take the children to the Burrow before he had his first class. He reminded her that he had a staff meeting but fully expected to see his children when he was home from Hogwarts.

When she asked what he'd do if they weren't there, his face went blank and he replied, "Don't disappoint me Nymphadora. Not again."

It was a cold punch to her gut and she went to her office in tears, still struggling with Remus's rage and manipulative language.

"I can't," Tonks whispered. "It's too much…don't make me talk about this."

"If you can't talk about it with me, you won't be able to talk about it with Remus. You're both hurting."

"It's not like—"

"Before you go on," Molly said, placing a hand on Tonks's shoulder, "I'm on both of your sides. Both of you have matters you need to discuss with each other."

"We don't need your help," Tonks countered. "We're fine."

"Set your pride aside. You are not fine and it's quite all right to ask for help." Molly clasped her hands together and waited for Tonks to speak.

"What do you want me to tell you? I know I fucked it up. I know that most of this is my own bloody fault, but he's not helping! It's different now – we're married, we have kids!"

"Different…?"

"All of this reminds me of this time I had a panic attack when we were dating…he said some things that I reacted poorly to and I acted like a baby. I stopped talking to him for a month."

Molly nodded. "And?"

"Fuck, Molly, it's like that but it's so much worse! It didn't really matter when we were dating…it was just the two of us! Now we've got a house, kids, jobs – how am I supposed to fix this?"

"It's not just you that needs to work on your marriage," Molly said knowingly. "I spoke with Remus on Friday and he made it very clear that he was under the impression you wanted nothing to do with him. Is that correct?"

"No…I don't know. We're mated…I can't not want to be with him, but he's acting like a total prick right now."

"I'd refrain from calling him names. He's been unhappy for many months."

"So have I!" Tonks shouted, feeling her hair morph to a flaming red. "My hair only changes when I'm really upset! I can hardly morph!"

"I'm not saying you're not unhappy, Tonks," Molly consoled. "But you do need to understand that Remus is hurting and confused. He mentioned the row you had last night—"

"He was being a knob—" Tonks stopped herself, watching Molly's eyebrow quirk disapprovingly. "He wasn't being very fair."

"And?" Molly pressed. "You were?"

"No…but that doesn't mean he gets to treat me like shit."

"It goes both ways, dear. You both need to work on this together."

"You've said that already," Tonks snapped. "Just how are we going to do that?"

"Your mother is in the hospital for a few more days, isn't she?" Molly murmured. "If I'm not mistaken, you'll need my help to watch your children while you and Remus work…and I can refuse to help you, if you refuse to talk to your husband."

Tonks narrowed her eyes at Molly. "What would you have us do? Scream at each other with Teddy and Hope as our audience?"

"Not at all. Leave them with me until tomorrow. You and Remus can start talking to each other tonight, and before you tell me it's impossible, I don't expect you to solve all your problems in one night." Molly put one hand on her hip and wagged her other hand, pointing her finger at Tonks. "All I ask is you begin to communicate. I told Remus the very same this morning."

Tonks gaped at Molly. "You what?"

"Your husband will be home in the next half hour, if I'm not mistaken." Molly glanced at a clock next to the Weasley family clock. "Freshen up and put your best foot forward." She bustled to the other side of the kitchen and pulled out a tin of biscuits.

"Take these with you. Biscuits always help."

With a tin of biscuits in her hand, Tonks was being prodded by Molly to go back through the Floo. As she spun away from the Burrow, Tonks could've sworn she saw Molly smirk.

…

"Right. So."

Tonks wrung her hands nervously in her lap. She and Remus were seated across from the other at the kitchen table of their home, each with a steaming cup of tea in front of them. In the middle of the table sat the tin of chocolate biscuits that Molly had sent with her.

"So," Remus repeated. The lines on his face were more pronounced than ever. He had more silver in his hair than she remembered, and he was thinner, too. Though furious with him, Tonks hated seeing him in this state; it meant he wasn't taking care of himself.

He cleared his throat, traced a line on the table, and said, "Answer me this…why didn't you tell me what those potions were for? The ones Molly brewed for you?"

"I already told you," Tonks said, sounding a little too defensive for her liking, "I was going to tell you, but you decided to stay at Hogwarts that night."

"You couldn't have written?"

"This wasn't something that I wanted in a letter. I needed to tell you in person."

"But we saw each other just days later," Remus countered. "The full moon, remember? We sat in Healer Wallace's office together."

"That – I had just stayed up all night with Hope—"

"They gave her an irresponsibly large dose of Dreamless Sleep," Remus reminded her. "She wasn't awake. How were you up all night if she wasn't awake?"

"I was watching what they were doing to you." Tonks sat back and watched Remus's face fall.

"I see."

"You made yourself into an experiment! How could I not stay back and make sure you were being treated properly?"

"You didn't have to do that." Remus drummed his long fingers on the table impatiently. "But let's not lose the plot. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I could barely hold myself together! How was I supposed to know you actually wanted to know?" Tonks retorted. "You ran off—"

"That wasn't running away, and you know it," Remus said harshly. He caught himself, made his features neutral, and continued. "I tried repeatedly to get you to talk to me. I know I shouldn't have said what I did about Hope, but you have to understand it was a mistake to even think it…I was overwhelmed with guilt and I still am. I know I'm the reason she suffers at the full moon, and I wish things were different, but I don't wish she didn't exist. I was upset, don't you see?"

Tonks inhaled sharply and replied, "You never said that at the time."

"You didn't let me say it…you took her away from me."

A churning sensation coursed through Tonks's midsection. She felt simultaneously hot and cold, and she could feel the blood rising to her cheeks, filling them with her guilt.

"Why didn't you come home?" Tonks asked, closing her eyes.

"I thought you didn't want me here," Remus replied instantly. "You never told me to come home."

"I shouldn't have had to tell you to come home." Tonks pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers in an attempt to keep from crying. When that didn't work, she stuck her tongue to the roof of her mouth, forcing herself not to shed any tears.

"You should've known to come back. You promised to always come back."

"You're right," Remus agreed softly. "But I never really went away. I didn't want to stay away…I only did it because I thought you didn't want me anymore."

"Why didn't you tell me something?" Tonks demanded, feeling the moisture gathering in her eyes, despite her best efforts. "You couldn't have sent me—"

"We can go back and forth on this all night," Remus interrupted. "You should've told me that you were struggling after Hope's birth and I should've reached out to you."

Tonks sniffled and brought her sleeve up to her nose. She nodded, but refused to look at Remus in the eye.

"I have to ask…if you were having a hard time and struggling with the children, why did you ask for your mother's help and not mine?"

"I already told you," Tonks said abruptly. "I didn't think I needed to…and I was still angry at you for what you said about Hope. I didn't want her…I don't want her—" she corrected herself, shaking her head slightly "—I don't want her to be…to think of herself—"

"You didn't want her to feel the way I do about myself," Remus finished. "I understand. Does that really justify keeping me away from her – and Teddy – for over half a year?"

Tonks bit her lip, trying to distract herself with pain. She dug her nails into her palms and replied, "You could've come back anytime."

"Is this how it's going to be? It's all my fault?" Remus said, his voice cracking. "It's my fault alone that I was isolated from my family?"

Tonks clenched her fists in her lap and said, her own voice wavering too, "Why didn't you fight for us? For our family? How come I was always the one to do it all?"

Remus exhaled sharply. From the corner of her eye, Tonks saw him put his face in his hands, rubbing his palms against his tired eyes.

"It's not fair you had to do it all," he said, painstakingly slowly. "But it's not fair you expected me to do all these things without telling me."

"I shouldn't have had to tell you," Tonks snapped. "You should've just known."

"I know I'm partly responsible for the failure of our marriage, Nymphadora…but you can't put it all on me. That's not how this works."

"What do you want me to say? Sorry I didn't tell you about the post-partum—"

"It's not just that," Remus said, shaking his head. "You didn't tell me about that. You didn't tell me to come home. You didn't tell me I needed to fight for our marriage. You moved out of here and made it very clear I wasn't welcome at your mother's. You never offered me a chance to see our children. You told me, months ago, that we were taking a break, but you never said anything until you needed me. At what point was I supposed to figure out that you still wanted me…or you wanted us to work?"

"You could've—" Tonks began feebly, feeling the cold, empty sensation of guilt and shame filling her body.

"No excuses…not anymore, Dora. I know I made mistakes – Merlin, I've made so many – but you never thought to ask yourself if you'd done anything wrong."

Tonks shook with newfound anger. "So what? This is my fault now? I'm entirely to blame for the mess we're in?"

"I told you that you're not," he replied steadily. "I'm partly to blame, but for once – couldn't you see that you've been unreasonable?"

"Unreasonable?"

Remus put his hands on the table and stood. "Yes, Nymphadora. You've been unreasonable. There was no reason I should've gone months without seeing my children. I'm never getting that time back with them – especially not with Hope. I've missed so much, while you kept all these things to yourself, not bothering to think that I was hurting, too."

Tonks opened her mouth to speak, but Remus ploughed on.

"Don't tell me I should've 'just known,' or that I should've written. Yes, I should've sent you a message, but after weeks of trying to communicate with you, can you blame me for thinking my pleas would've been ignored? You wouldn't talk to me at home. If you were me, do you think that writing you a letter really would've worked?"

"It might've," Tonks muttered. "You should've—"

"Please stop telling me what I should or shouldn't have done," Remus retorted. "I'm asking you to take some bloody responsibility for what's happened to us, because if all the failures in our marriage are my fault, we are never coming back from this."

Tonks snapped her head up. Remus stood above her, shaking.

"I know I've fucked up a lot in our relationship, but Merlin, Dora…for the first time in my life, I don't think I deserved this. You knew how much I love our family, and you ripped it away from me because you were too cowardly to tell me how you felt. This family is all I ever wanted and it's been destroyed."

"I'm a coward?" Tonks snarled, standing to meet his gaze.

"We both are," Remus said quietly. "I wanted this to work…but if you can't see that you're responsible for this, too…it's not going to happen. I can't be the one who takes the blame for everything."

Tonks felt the tears fall down her cheeks. Remus was crying too, his eyes and nose now puffy and red.

"You wanted me to fight for us…but now I think it's too late."

"It's not—"

"I never wanted this for us," Remus choked. "But I'm not going to spend the rest of whatever life I have remaining away from my children. I don't care what we have to do…please don't take them away from me again. Whatever is wrong between us…even if you want to blame it all on me…it's not their fault."

He sat back down and put his face in his hands. His shoulders shook with his loud sobs. Tonks felt ashamed of herself, realizing just how much pain he'd endured and how badly the separation had tortured him.

"Remus," she cried, "I don't want it to end like this. It's not too late." She flung her arms around him, and though she was unsure of how they would make it work, she was determined not to let her marriage come to an end.