Chapter 2
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Buck arrived at the restaurant early, then sat in his car stressing about meeting his sister for so long that he was almost late. It was killing him not knowing how Maddie was going to react? He so wanted to reconnect with his sister and he hoped things would go better than the night before. Would she be mad at him for not going to the hotel with her. Would she understand now why they were upset with her breaking into their apartment? How could she have thought she had the right to just walk into his home when he wasn't there without bothering to let him know she was coming after three years of total silence on her end? Why had she stopped answering his calls and replying to his texts and postcards? Would she even like the person he'd become?
He rushed in and looked around the dining area wildly, calming down when he saw Maddie sitting in the back corner. She looked relieved as if she hadn't believed he would come, and he smiled and made his way over to her table, pausing awkwardly unsure if he should bend down and hug her, before taking his seat.
"Thanks for meeting me alone, Evan," Maddie said as they read through the menu.
"Is there any reason that you didn't want me to bring my fiancé?" Buck asked warily. Was that what she'd been relieved about? That Eddie hadn't come with him? Why would she be relieved he hadn't brought someone with him? He was suddenly glad that they were in public.
"No of course not. I just don't think that he liked me very much," Maddie replied, thought in reality she was relieved that Eddie had let her brother come out to lunch on his own, that he wasn't trying to control their interactions.
"He's very protective of Christopher. He didn't like the fact you broke into our son's home, at a time he would normally have been there without either of us. I didn't either but at least I knew the Maddie I used to know would never hurt a child," Buck replied.
"It seemed to be more than that," Maddie said dismissive of Buck's explanation and concern.
"I think you're underestimating how rude and threatening your behaviour seemed to him, invading the home of someone you'd never met, acting like you owned the place and then refusing to apologise," Buck replied.
"You're my brother," Maddie retorted.
"And yet I haven't been welcome in your home at all since you moved in with Doug, let alone free to walk in and make myself at home. Eddie and Christopher haven't met you before, they don't know you at all," Buck reminded her.
"That's different!" Maddie insisted.
"No, it isn't! You just want it to be more acceptable because it's you. If anything, it's worse because Doug would at least have known who I was. Your sense of entitlement shocked Eddie and Athena," Buck retorted.
Maddie looked genuinely surprised at this and Buck frowned.
"Finding a stranger in the house would have frightened Chris, and made him feel unsafe in his own home even if you didn't intend to overtly threaten him," Buck said bluntly.
"I'm your sister, I shouldn't be a stranger to your kid, why haven't you shown him photos of me?" Maddie asked, hurt.
"Maddie, the only photo's I have of you are from before you left for college. He wouldn't have recognised you," Buck said bluntly. "It was you who dropped all contact with me, not the other way around, so don't criticise me for the consequences."
"I'm sorry, I needed to be with someone who cares for me. I didn't think about how your life had changed. I expected you to be thrilled to see me like you used to be," Maddie belatedly apologised.
"You assumed that I'd been sitting waiting for you all this time instead of growing up and making a life for myself?" Buck asked, still angry with his sister. "I still don't understand why you couldn't have come to the Fire station like anyone else would. Or when you found out I wasn't home, simply come back later and knocked on the door like a normal person."
Maddie looked down without answering, and Buck let it go realising that no matter what she said there was no reasonable answer to give and that even her apology today lacked the sincerity of a true understanding of why she shouldn't have got the super to let her into the apartment without contacting Buck first.
"Were you that frightened of Doug finding you that you couldn't get a hotel room, or wait for me to finish work. Do you have a reason to think that he's already here in LA?" Buck asked.
"Noo," Maddie said slowly.
"What's he done to you, what happened to the confident take on the whole world sister I used to know?" Buck asked sadly.
"I don't want to talk about Doug," Maddie said.
"Do you really believe that he'll come here looking for you?" Buck asked.
"I said I don't want to talk about him!" Maddie said fiercely.
"This isn't just about you anymore. I'm trying to determine the level of threat to my family, Maddie. Is he going to come to LA to find you? What would he do to me, or to my son and his carer, if he finds us before he finds you?" Buck asked.
"I don't know. I never thought he would hurt Liana. It isn't at all like him," Maddie replied. "I can't predict what he'd do next, and I don't want to think about it."
"Okay then, what are your plans? Are you going to stay in LA. There's some great hospital's here," Buck asked.
"I don't know yet, I haven't decided what I want to do," Maddie said dismissively. "What about you. This is the longest you've ever stayed anywhere. Do you think that this is where you want to live?"
"Yeah, I do. I've found a family here and a purpose. I love firefighting and the 118. I don't think I will ever want to leave them," Buck said smiling.
"You always were an adrenaline junkie, throwing yourself into one risky activity after another, I should have known this sort of job would appeal to you," Maddie commented.
"It's less about the risk and more about being able to help others in a very real and immediate way. As an ER nurse I thought you'd understand that," Buck replied frowning.
"I'm worried that you chose such a dangerous profession with such a high risk of injuries given your past history of deliberately risking injuring yourself frequently," Maddie stated.
"I'm not the lonely neglected child that needs to get hurt to get attention from my sperm and egg donor anymore and it was never about self-harm for its own sake. I stopped hurting myself a long time ago, when you left for college and Phillip and Margaret started reacting to my injuries with frustration instead of concern. I have no need to want to be injured anymore, Eddie and Chris and our family show me all the love and support I need every day."
Maddie looked at him doubtfully and Buck shook his head determinedly when she went to protest again. "I grew up Maddie. I'm twenty-eight and I have a family to come home to. I don't take unnecessary risks on or off the job these days."
The silence stretched out and Buck was contemplating whether meeting Maddie had been the right thing to do or whether he was just opening himself up to being hurt by her again when their food arrived.
Buck started eating, trying to hide his nerves. He shouldn't be this anxious with his sister. He'd dreamed of her getting back in touch one day and it made him sad that he couldn't just be glad to see her.
"Eddie's not the sort of person I pictured you with," Maddie said.
"Because he's a guy?" Buck asked, frowning at the judgement he heard in her voice. He hadn't thought she'd be homophobic but he couldn't think what else she'd be objecting to.
"No of course not, but I was a little hurt that you never told me that you were gay," Maddie said surprised. "You always seemed to want to care for others, I guess I thought that you'd be with someone who'd be open to being looked after. Eddie strikes me as being very controlled and self-sufficient. "
"I didn't know what I was before you left, l was a kid, desperate for parental attention and affection that I was never going to get, doing everything I could to earn their approval, until I realised that was also impossible," Buck retorted. "You and I haven't exactly had much time for adult conversations over the years, but for the record, I'm not gay I'm pansexual. It's the person who matters not the packaging."
"It's not just that he's a man. He's too stern and controlling. And he's too old for you. He's got a child and responsibilities you're not ready for. You're going to break his son's heart when you get tired of not being able to go out clubbing and decide you've had enough of playing house.
"That's a horrible thing to say and you clearly don't know me at all if you think that I'd do anything like that! I love that kid as if he were my own, and I will never turn my back on Christopher even if Eddie and I aren't together anymore. Eddie's not stern or controlling, we're partners. We both look after each other. Can't you see that I'm not a kid anymore. I know what I want from life and I've always wanted a loving family," Buck said adamantly. "Where did you get the idea that he's controlling? He's nothing like Doug was, he doesn't call me checking up on what I'm doing and when I'll be home, trying to stop me from doing things without him or attempting to influence my choices so I'd push my family away and depend only on him."
"He made the decision to leave the apartment and started packing your stuff without even talking to you about it, and he's clearly used to being in control," Maddie said.
"It's not like I disagreed. I'd already told him not to bring Christopher back to the apartment until we'd sorted out how you got in. As for packing for me, I would've done the same for him if the Super had let Eddie's sister in instead. I would've packed for him and Christopher while he sorted his sister out. He and Athena are right, it wasn't safe to stay in the apartment with Chris, if that arsehole is circumventing our security. Especially if your arsehole of a husband might know how to find where I live and may be going to come looking for me because he thinks you'll be with me or I'll know where you are. Doug's already put one person in the hospital because he thought they knew where you were, did you really expect Eddie to risk his son being the second?" Buck replied.
"I'm worried about you," Maddie said.
"I've warned my old housemates about Doug. They promised that they wouldn't give my address to anyone else but I told them that they should give it to him so he doesn't hurt one of them and then ring the police as soon as he leaves. We won't be there anyway and hopefully he will be caught breaking in. I had a friend rig up a silent alarm," Buck said calmly.
"That's not what I meant. I'm worried about the choices you're making. I'm worried that you're not safe here," Maddie said.
"Why?" Buck asked.
"I'm your sister and…" Maddie began.
Buck interrupted her. "Why worry now when you didn't worry back when you knew you were leaving me with people who could barely stand the sight of me? I was a child and you left me there fully dependent on people who honestly only provided for me at all because of how it would have looked to the neighbours if I'd starved to death in their home, or been seen in public wearing ragged outgrown clothing, or what the housekeeper would tell everyone if they started keeping me in the cupboard under the stairs. I'm all grown up and capable of managing my own life, and living with a family who love and want me. My life has never been this happy," he said bluntly. He knew he was being unfair. Maddie had barely been eighteen when she left for college and in hindsight he wouldn't have wanted her to give that all up to look after him even if her leaving had hurt.
"Mom and Dad love you," Maddie stated.
"Bullshit! I don't believe that and I don't think that you really do either. Love needs to be expressed to mean anything. Margaret and Phillip Buckley never once in my life showed any genuine affection or even interest in my life. They were only ever kind in public, in front of people whose good opinions mattered to them more than I did. The only reason they didn't turn me out on the streets was the thought of what their friends would say," Buck refuted.
"You're grossly exaggerating, they loved us, they just didn't know how to show it," Maddie argued.
"Why the hell not? Don't make excuses for them. I had no example of parental love and I can still show Christopher that he's important to me and give him the attention and affection he needs and deserves!" Buck said scathingly. "They were intelligent people, they could have read any number of parenting books and all of them would've told them that children need to be learn that they matter to the people who are supposed to love them, they need parental attention and affection just as much as they need food and material possessions."
Maddie could see that arguing with him further wasn't going to change his mind, she couldn't explain the grief her parent's suffered every time they looked at Evan. She had told herself things would get better once he was older and no longer reminding them of Daniel at the same age, that finally they'd see Evan for who he was. She'd fixated on that comfort for so long she had trouble accepting that it had only ever happened in her hopes and expectations.
"Are you really going to have the super fired?" Maddie asked, changing the subject.
"Yeah, we were paying more than we would've elsewhere for a manned security desk, only to find we would've been safer without his negligent arse. Aside from the safety issues we have to break our lease and find a new place with the security we were supposed to have where we were, and all the hassle of packing up and changing our address everywhere," Buck said.
"You didn't use to be so unforgiving," Maddie said regretfully.
"It's not unforgiving to penalise someone for deliberately failing to do the job you're paying them to do. He chose to ignore the protocol and let you into our apartment instead of contacting me. He had no legal reason to unlock our door. Chris isn't the only child that lives in that building and the other parents will demand that he be replaced when they hear that he can be so easily manipulated into letting strangers into their homes," Buck said flatly.
"But I am your sister, I wasn't lying and I didn't mean any harm, maybe he's a great judge of character," Maddie argued.
"What do you care, you talked to him for what five minutes while you were persuading him to help you break into our home?" Buck asked, annoyed that she was continuing to question his judgement like this. "How would you know his motivations or what sort of man he was?"
"He was nice to me," Maddie said.
"He was nice to you? Being nice to a pretty woman he'd never met before was more important to him than doing his job and keeping the residents under his care, safe. It's not exactly a great character reference there!" Buck repeated bluntly. "Maddie if you lived alone in an apartment and someone who had bever met me and had no way of knowing that I was your brother let me into your home, how would you feel? Would it make you feel safe in your home after that?"
"You're blowing this all out of proportion!" Maddie insisted.
"No, I'm not blowing this out of proportion or being hypervigilant or inappropriately paranoid, or whatever other dismissive label you want to put on my justifiable reaction to having my family's home broken into with the aid of one of the people who was supposed to prevent it. I'm an ex SEAL, an infiltration specialist. I have enemies, and not just the sort who'd spread a nasty rumour behind your back, steal your lunch from the fridge at work or key your car. The sort of enemies that would take pleasure in killing my husband and torturing my son while they waited for me to get home so they could make me watch him die, and some of them are women, the wives and mothers who blame me for their husband's or son's deaths," Buck said bluntly. "The Super knew all of that and he knows I struggled with PTSD when I was discharged from the Navy, but he let a stranger into my home anyway. You're very lucky I thought you were Eddie, and that my PTSD isn't making me hyper vigilant or I'd have had a knife to your throat before I recognised you, and I wasn't trained to take prisoners unless it is a stated part of the mission."
"You were what?" Maddie exclaimed in shock.
"I am a fully trained Navy SEAL. After you gave me the jeep instead of coming with my like we planned I moved around taking odd jobs here and there for a few months, but I didn't enjoy travelling around the country on my own as much as I thought I would. I was in Oregon when I met this guy who was planning to join the Navy and he talked me into signing up when I was eighteen. It was the best thing I could have done. SEAL teams are closer than most families. I loved being on the team, but the things I have done to keep this country safe have left their mark on me," Buck explained.
"Why did you give it up then?" Maddie asked curiously.
"Medical discharge, I had no choice. I'm fine now," Buck replied dismissively.
"What happened to you?" Maddie demanded.
"I cannot talk about it. The mission remains classified and I'm fully recovered," Buck said firmly.
"But I'm your sister," Maddie protested.
"You do not have the clearance to know and you do not need to know. I'm not going to risk going to Leavenworth or worse for telling you about a classified operation Maddie. I need you to drop it," Buck growled.
"But…" Maddie began.
Buck got up from the table and threw enough money down to cover his meal and drinks before turning to leave.
"Evan!" Maddie yelled.
"Encouraging people to break the law for you, seems to be your MO these days. I'm disappointed in you. It was nice to see you Maddie and I'm glad you got away from that Arsehole you married but I'm not going to sit here and listen to you disrespect my privacy while you interrogate me about things that are official secrets and none of your business. Have a good day Maddie, I'll call you soon," Buck said before walking out leaving Maddie shocked and shaken that her brother could keep such a huge secret from her for years and then dismiss her like that.
"How'd it go with Maddie?" Eddie asked hesitantly, when Buck arrived home. He could see from the expression in his eyes that something had upset his fiancé.
"Not the way I'd pictured it. She didn't tell me anything more about Doug. Acted like it was none of my concern, even after I told her I was worried he'd find me. So she refused to talk about pretty much everything on the last nine years while at the same time trying to get all up in my business over every decision I've made since she saw me last," Buck said scowling.
"She was deflecting," Eddie suggested.
"No I could have forgiven her if she was but it was more than that. if she was just deflecting, then she would've backed off when I told her I couldn't talk about classified shit," Buck replied.
"You told her about being a SEAL?" Eddie asked in surprise.
"Yeah, it came out when she kept defending the Super and telling me that him breeching our security shouldn't be as big a deal as we were making it. I can't believe that Maddie still can't see anything wrong with breaking into our apartment and moving in like she'd been invited," Buck said. "And then she had the nerve to question our relationship!"
"She expected you to be happy about her being here, and she blamed me for her disappointment," Eddie replied thoughtfully.
"I kind of am happy to see her, or I would've been if she hadn't broken in to our home. I think that I could have forgiven her for it if I lived alone and it was just me whose home she invaded. I've missed Maddie a lot since she left for college. I feel like I have barely seen her, since then," Buck admitted.
"How long ago was that? She's quite a bit older than you?" Eddie asked.
"I was nine when she left home, she came home a couple of times in the first few months but then she met Doug and she was always busy with him," Buck remembered. "Even when she came home after that he was all she could talk about, and she was always on the phone talking to him. She argued with Mom and Dad about him and then she came home even less."
"They didn't like him?" Eddie asked. He didn't have a high opinion of Buck's parents or of Doug from all he'd heard of the three of them, but he was surprised that the Buckleys hadn't approved of their daughter dating and marrying an eminent cardiologist.
"No, they boasted to their friends about their daughter dating a Doctor from such a good family and were very supportive of the relationship in public, even in front of Doug when they first met him, but they thought he was too controlling, and that he was taking Maddie away from them which was stupid when it was Mom's constant criticism and the lack of care from either of them that drove her away the moment she had the ability to leave," Buck replied. "I don't know whether they could see something of the abuser that he would become in his behaviour or they just didn't like that they were no longer the one's in control of Maddie's future."
"So you've never really known her as an adult? Last time you knew her she was eighteen or nineteen and you were seeing her from the point of view of a child," Eddie said slowly.
"Yeah we've both grown and changed since then but she's still my sister. She pretty much raised me until she left," Buck replied.
"I'm not questioning your feelings for Maddie, and nothing excuses the way she acted yesterday. But think about it, the last time you spent quality time together, you were a child living in her childhood home where she was free to come and go at a whim. I doubt that she would have broken into anyone else's house like she did. Last night she was acting like nothing has changed, that she had the right to be in your home and that we were being unreasonable to be upset about it. Maybe she's trying to get back to the person she was before she met Doug, or to deny that anything has changed between you. That doesn't give her the right to treat you like your still a child, but if the lack of contact was a result of the way Doug was controlling her life the I can understand why she doesn't want to think too much about how long it's been and that you've grown up without her being there," Eddie said.
"She all but brought me up you know. She was more of a mother to me until she left to go to college than Mom ever was," Buck admitted.
"Even if she was your real mother, it wouldn't give her the right to break into your home now that you're an adult, "I'd be furious if my Mom broke in," Eddie said, unimpressed. "It's time for her to realise that you and the rest of the world moved on and grew and changed while she was keeping you at a distance."
"You think that she still sees me as a child?" Buck asked uncertainly.
"She certainly doesn't see you as an adult with rights to the privacy and security of your own home," Eddie retorted. "Her seeing you as still being a child who is still dependent on her the way you were before she left for college, is the kindest motive for that I can think of. That or she's a raging narcissist who thinks that you were put on this earth for her convenience which really doesn't tie in with being a domestic violence victim."
"You can't think that she made that up!" Buck exclaimed, horrified.
"No, I believe she was abused, emotionally at the very least. She reacts to his name with genuine fear every time it's mentioned, which rules out her being a raging narcissist, I think that the only thing she was lying about was how long the abuse has been going on, and I'm not sure if she's in denial about that or she's lying to you to protect you," Eddie replied. "But she's deluded to think that you're still a child she's responsible for and therefore she has rights to enter your home."
"Do you think she's trying so hard to go back to the person she was before they met that she really thought I was still a kid?" Buck asked.
"She needs therapy if she did," Eddie said uncompromisingly. "But no, she could be trying to block out the memories of the years she spent being abused but I think the problem was she's in such a terrible situation that she's not able to even see other people's point's of view, not that that excuses her behaviour. Don't you dare start feeling guilty for having reasonable boundaries and prioritising Christopher's safety."
"She's going to need therapy anyway. Who knows how long Doug's been controlling her, even if this is the first time he's actually beaten her which I really don't believe," Buck replied.
"No, Athena wouldn't have dropped her anger at her for breaking into our home and accepted her as a victim of domestic violence if she wasn't sure, and she's had way too much experience to be fooled by theatrics," Eddie agreed.
"Do you think that we're safe here, that Christopher is safe?" Buck asked.
"He's safer now we've moved out of the house your sister found you at so easily. Athena called earlier and suggested we get a PO Box as our official address and for me to pick up the mail until Doug's been located to make sure you're not followed from there. She's going to increase patrols around the 118 at the start and end of our shifts, and she wants us to start changing up what routes and times we travel to and from work and being more aware of the cars that we see regularly," Eddie replied.
"Street called and offered us the use of his place until we find somewhere we're happy with, they're been spun up in a week or two and have been told to expect to be away several months, so we'd have time to find the right place and do whatever security checks we need to prevent this from happening again. Street and Hondo also suggested that we take someone with us when we go back to the apartment," Buck said. "Street's place is a lousy commute to the 118, though it gives us a lot of options to vary our route, but it's pretty good for Durand and Carla."
"And it's nearly as secure as living in the middle of a Naval base," Eddie said. "Are you going to see Maddie again?"
Buck looked torn. "I want to but I don't want to risk leading Doug to her hotel if he knows where I work and Maddie didn't get around to giving me her new phone number," he said. "I didn't realise that before I walked out."
"You made sure she has your number, and I think you were right to leave rather than keep arguing when she refused to respect your boundaries," Eddie reminded him, hoping that Maddie would try to stay in touch for Buck's sake.
"Yeah, I guess it's up to her if she wants to contact me again," Buck said sighing. He couldn't even leave her a message at the hotel Athena had taken her to because he didn't know what name she'd been registered under and hanging about the entrance in the hope of running into Maddie would get him arrested. He only hoped it didn't take another three years for her to reach out again.
A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed followed or favourited this story for your support.
Please stay safe everyone.