Chapter Five - Choices
December 1965
It was winter once again, but Danny Jr. could hardly feel the cool nip in the air as he walked down the Arizona Memorial. After coming back from a brief training stint in Washington D.C., anywhere seemed warmer. Hawaii especially. It had been over a year since his squadron's first successful bombing of North Vietnam, but the war was still going on. South Vietnam was practically overrun with U.S. Marines, and he had been on a few other bombing missions.
Danny Jr. wished he could say that it got easier every time, but if anything, he thought, it got even more difficult. The end of this war was nowhere in sight, and countless Americans were giving up their lives for a private feud between North and South Vietnam. His first bombing had felt triumphant, but after that they had become more and more painful each time, and nothing seemed changed.
Something Rafe had once told him was ringing in his ears. "Danny, when it comes to war, just be anxious to matter."
Well, are all these bombings mattering at all? he couldn't help thinking.
He looked reverently at the names engraved on the wall. "Those were the people who mattered," he said softly to himself. They were the people who had sacrificed themselves for something. For the dawn of America's greatest glory.
As far as Danny Jr. could see, the Vietnam War was getting to be a long, protracted, and pointless siege. It isn't even our business to interfere in the first place, he thought angrily. He looked once more at the names, and bowed his head in respect. He turned and walked away. As he did so, he bumped into someone.
"Oh, I'm sorry..." said a female voice, then as he looked up the voice paused for a moment. "Danny? Is that you?"
Danny Jr. blinked.The figure who stood before him now looked very familiar. She had dark brown hair that fell down her shoulders in waves, twinkling eyes, and somewhat uneven teeth that showed when she smiled. There was something about that infectious grin she was wearing, that evoked memories from his childhood. That girl...the one I used to play with when the grown-ups were talking...
"Stephanie!" he cried. "What are you doing here?"
"So it is you, Danny! I thought you'd vanished!" she said, giving him a light punch on the shoulder.
Danny Jr. laughed and returned the punch. He remembered very well those days when his mother's friend Sandra would visit with them often, when she lived in Tennessee with her husband before moving to Minnesota. While the grown ups talked, Danny Jr. and Stephanie found their own amusement in playing with their toy planes. She used to bop him on the head with them because he wouldn't wait for her to catch up when they ran, he recalled.
"You been here all these years?" Stephanie asked.
Danny Jr. nodded. "I'm a pilot. You? What have you been doin'?"
Stephanie wrinkled her nose in that irritated way Danny Jr. recognized. "Mom and Dad wouldn't let me be a pilot, so I'm a nurse. Just got posted here from Minnesota."
"Wanna go and grab some supper?" Danny Jr. offered. "We've got lots to catch up on. My treat."
"You said it, Danny!" she laughed roguishly.
***
"...so this guy comes in and tries to get fresh with me," Stephanie said as she stirred her soda.
"Bad news for the guy," Danny Jr. murmured.
"And how!" she smiled impishly. "He was sort of collapsing over me, and going, 'Ooh, Miss, I feel so weak, I can't walk no more...' And I tossed him on the chair and looked him over, and all he was having was 'flu!" Her eyes widened expressively. "Can you believe his nerve?"
"This is getting interesting," said Danny Jr.
"Well, I didn't want to let him get away easy, so I looked really solemn...like this..." she arranged her features into a mask of professional concern, mouth turning down slightly at the corners. "Then I said, 'Mister, you're suffering from bronchitis. I'm afraid it's almost terminal.'"
Danny Jr. smiled to himself. This was exactly like the tough-cookie childhood playmate he used to know. "You haven't changed at all, Steph," he said, shaking his head in disbelief.
"You bet," she said. "Anyway, listen. So he looks really shocked, and he grips my arm and goes, "Miss, you're kidding me.' So I say, no, it's true. And I mix him a huge bottle of some really nasty tasting stuff — tomato juice and chilli sauce, and the like — and I tell him, if he wants to recover, he has to take two teaspoons of this every day until the whole course of medication is complete." She spread her hands wide apart. "The bottle was this big!"
"He believed you?" Danny Jr. asked incredulously.
Stephanie shrugged. "I never saw him come back to me after that incident," she said. "How I miss him." She draped a hand over her forehead theatrically.
Danny Jr. laughed. "You're impossible!"
"He shouldn't have tried to mess with Stephanie Grace McMillan in the first place," she said, laughing along.
***
Danny Jr. lay awake in his room. The lights were out and dark had settled long ago. Tyler had fallen asleep, but Danny Jr., as hard as he tried, couldn't.
He kept thinking about his chance meeting with Stephanie. When he wasn't thinking about her, he had the Vietnam War chewing on his mind.
It had been so nice to be able to spend some time with an old friend again, he thought. Especially Stephanie, whom he hadn't seen since her family moved away when he was eight. And she hadn't changed at all. He'd kind of forgotten her after she left, but only seeing her had made Danny Jr. realise how much he'd missed her company.
As wonderful as supper with Stephanie had been, the Vietnam War still bothered him whenever he let his thoughts drift a little. He was growing increasingly fed up with America's involvement, and he knew before long new orders would surely come in for him to go on another air raid. When will this ever end? he wondered.
Suddenly a stray thought floated to him. You could resign, Walker. Bail out of this mess.
He shook his head fiercely, as if trying to force the thought away. "No," he whispered softly to himself. "That's the coward's way out."
Still, the idea nagged at him.
***
Danny watched as Danny Jr. walked down the beach again. He smiled fondly at his son. If he hadn't been a pilot, he thought, he could have been a surfer. He seemed to have inherited his parents' love for beaches.
He looked like there was something bothering him. Danny wasn't sure through the darkness, but he seemed to be muttering to himself, and absently kicking stones out of his way. It looks serious, he thought. Seeing Stephanie again ought to have perked him up. Why's he still like this?
Perhaps it was time for a real father-son talk. They hadn't had one in too long. Before he could have any second thoughts, Danny slipped into visibility and walked over to his son. Danny Jr. was so preoccupied that he didn't notice Danny until he was practically on top of him. On seeing his father, his face lit up and he smiled slightly. "Hi Daddy!" he said, sounding somewhat glad. That's an improvement, at least, Danny thought.
"What's up, Danny?" he asked, giving his son a light clap on the shoulder. "I can see there's something on your mind."
Danny Jr. looked at his father with troubled eyes. "The Vietnam War," he said simply.
"What about it?" asked Danny, confused. "You seem to be doing great."
Danny Jr. brushed some sand off a rock and sat down. "Yeah, but America isn't."
Danny seated himself next to his son. "What d'you mean?"
Danny Jr. shrugged. "I don't know, but it seems we aren't going anywhere with this war, and we keep bombing them but nothing ever happens. I just feel like wanting out sometimes. Get away from it all."
Danny thought for a while. "When we went on the Doolittle Raid, we hardly devastated them," he said. "But it was...right through their hearts." He recalled Doolittle's words, with some bitterness, but mostly pride.
Danny Jr. looked at him, frowning. "But at least you had a reason. I mean, that was getting them back for Pearl Harbor. That I understand. But we're just sticking our noses into this Vietnam business. I mean, if trouble wants me, I'm ready — but why go lookin' for it?"
Danny's eyes widened. Those were almost the exact same words he'd said to Rafe, back in happier days. He could certainly see how it applied to America and Vietnam, but he could also see what Danny Jr. couldn't — that America would come out of this war learning something, even if she failed. Because anything that doesn't break you just makes you stronger, he thought.
"This is war, Danny," he began. "I used to think that there were no winners and no losers, just guys who turn into broken down wrecks — " He paused, swallowing. Like my father. But he couldn't say that. It hurt too much. He tried to continue. "But I was wrong. We'll all be winners at the end of the day."
Danny Jr. looked questioningly at him.
He sighed. "Fly on, and you'll grow much more than you will by just sitting at home. The war's gotta end some time. And we'll learn something from it."
***
Author's Note: I never expected this to be the longest of all my fics, but it looks that way now. I hope it isn't getting cheesy or corny. Thanks once more to Bobby Laurent for the father-son talk suggestion. I was considering it anyway, but your mentioning it helped it along. Next chapter: you'll see Stephanie again (I kinda like her), plus the war finally ends. It should be the last chapter. Thanks for reading, and as always remember to review. ~HuntressMinerva