Disclaimer: Everyone knows these characters aren't
mine. If they WERE, I wouldn't be writing stories for free, now would I ?
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I turn my head slowly away from the computer I've sat at for the past two days, attempting to get at some new information about the latest smugglers and thugs. I pull my glasses from my face, and rub my eyes tiredly. Spinning around in my chair, I realize that it's almost dusk again. The little pitter-patter of raindrops telling me their secrets are the only contact I've had in days. It's a welcomed misery of sorts.
I reach around, flick off my computer and start toward my large window to the world. I stare down at a couple that had set up a picnic at the little so-called beach across the street. She's attempting to pack things away, while he's trying to keep her from getting soaked. A smile crosses my face as they realize the little blanket isn't going to keep them dry. Instead, he folds up the blanket, and puts it in the basket. He wraps his arm tightly around her shoulders, trying to keep her warm. She merely smiles at his gesture and kisses him sweetly. They glance into each other's eyes, not noticing that they're now drenched. A crack of thunder breaks them from their trance and they hurry on from my sight.
After they're gone, I realize that a semblance of a frown has taken up residence upon my face. An aching grows from deep within my heart up to my throat, and I emit a little exasperated sigh of defeat. I realize that all of the women that I have ever loved never truly loved me back. Who knows why I became so enthralled with the woman who broke into my house a year ago? Is it her beautiful soft coffee eyes, her great knowledge, and strength? Or is it her laughter and antics that sends chills through my spine? It's everything…her mind, body and soul. I have attempted to show her how I feel, but then again, I can't think of anything right to say.
She's never really loved someone, I mean, really loved, and I only wish that someday that first lucky man could be me. But, I take a look at her features, and it's because of this that I see why I've never had the courage to say anything about my feelings. She could never love someone like me…a helpless cripple. Max deserves someone who can take her dining and dancing every Friday night, take her through strolls in the park, and walk silently in the rain holding hands. I can do none of this. My shoulders slump and I feel little droplets of water hitting the backs on my hands resting on my cursed legs. I look up to see if there is a leak from the rain, but see nothing. I slowly bring a hand up to my face and realize I have been crying. Crying for the woman I love so dearly and true. Crying for my pitiful existence. Crying for my long hours spent as Eyes Only to realize that I never truly make a difference at all. I think it's just an excuse to continue living.
After the incident with the gun, I had decided that I wouldn't and couldn't go by my own hand. After all, I still have morals and some portion of my dignity. But what if I had done the deed? What would have become of my dear neighbor? Would anyone have really missed me at all? Would Max come to my apartment and sob into my pillow, or would she claim my things, and walk out, pretending nothing happened? There's no way to know, I guess, unless I ask her.
I look across the room at the calendar hung haphazardly upon my wall near my desk. The exact day that Max and I met is today…circled and highlighted over and over. A flash of lightning followed by another loud crack of thunder orders me to look back at the melancholy rain crashing down on the earth. The lights suddenly flicker thrice and go out for good. Once again, I am shrouded in darkness, left to grope my own way through my troubles and sins. Unable to grasp a rope to pull me from my dark abyss, I fear that I have already gone too far down the hole to be saved by anyone. But, who knows, maybe a flicker of hope will save me from my misery.
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To continue or to not continue. Please Review!! Tell me why you thought it sucked, or why you liked it! I'd like to get better at this!