Reading -OR- The World's Most Boring Story Written Since The Script to Vice Versa
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fanfiction Story
Author: Jason Thompson
Pilamsega@worldnet.att.net
June 27, 2001
Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a guy he wrote a story with characters and settings
he didn't own, but he put a disclaimer on his story and that made it a little less illegal. BTVS and
Angel are owned by Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. I don't own anything except the
situation characters are in.
Category: None
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Summary: BOR-ING
Rating: Rated G
Distribution: Ask First.
Notes:
Dedication: Dedicated to Bri, Mary, Duchess, Dale, Nate, Stone Cold, Aslan, Vega, Jen
Zimmer, Louise, Sairs, and Queen Angel who have allowed me to bounce my ideas off them, and
Krac, cause she has the evil bunny slippers.
Reading -OR- The World's Most Boring Story Written Since The Script to Vice Versa
Xander sat down in a chair, the place doesn't matter, the time doesn't matter, all that mattered was
that Xander sat down in a chair with a book under his arm. The book you ask? Why? No, no it's
not a book of demon lore or some ancient prophecy, this was in fact "Ivanhoe" though some
might argue the book itself is a demon. In Xander's hand was a cup of water.
After getting comfortable, Xander opened his book and began reading silently. The clock in the
corner silently ticked the seconds away. Xander broke the relative silence when he licked his
thumb and turned the page, continuing to read.
His mouth became dry and Xander took a drink of his water. The only sounds were the rustling
of Xander's leg as he repositioned in his chair, his silent breathing and the occasional rustle of the
pages of the book which was punctuated with Xander's small sounds of reaction to the contents of
the tome he was reading.
Oh yes, and the ticking of the clock. The constant, unending, relentless, maddening ticking of the
clock that only served to drive the reader of this story into a soul-crushing maddening rage
directed at the author. How dare he write something like this anyway! For the love of GOD,
HE'S JUST READING! NO SEX! NO VIOLENCE! NOT EVEN WITTY BANTER! I MEAN
THERE ISN'T EVEN ANOTHER PERSON! Not Buffy, not Willow, not Giles or Spike or even
Anya. HE'S JUST READING!
Wait! Xander's moving! He's getting out of his chair and he's crossing the room! Now
something's going to happen… he opened the door to the bathroom and closed the door. A
tinkling drifted through the door and Xander's groan of pleasure was a clear indication of what he
was doing. After a minute the toilet flushed and the sink could be heard. There was a pause long
enough for him to dry his hands and the door handle turned. Xander exited the bathroom and
returned to his chair and Ivanhoe.
And the ticking refilled the room….
Seconds drifted into minutes…
Minutes stacked up into hours… God this is a long book. How much longer can he just sit there
and read anyway? Isn't something Hellmouth-like going to happen? Or maybe something
Pythonesque? Yeah! Like a big safe falls on him! But nothing! He just sits there, quietly
turning pages and occasionally reacting with a chuckle or a sigh or a shake of his head.
It has to stop soon, right? Right? Please?
Nothing! This writer's a real bastard! He's sick son of a… What? This is G rated? G RATED!
Well MOTHER ##%#%#^$#^#^ and let me tell you @$#%%@#%@#$@#%@$%$@##$. This
bites. How much longer can this go on? Well, screw this I'm not going to find out. I'm outta
here! For the record, this author's a Grade-A Jerk!
Yet Xander continued to read.
--End--
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fanfiction Story
Author: Jason Thompson
Pilamsega@worldnet.att.net
June 27, 2001
Disclaimer: Once upon a time there was a guy he wrote a story with characters and settings
he didn't own, but he put a disclaimer on his story and that made it a little less illegal. BTVS and
Angel are owned by Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. I don't own anything except the
situation characters are in.
Category: None
Spoilers: None
Warnings: None
Summary: BOR-ING
Rating: Rated G
Distribution: Ask First.
Notes:
Dedication: Dedicated to Bri, Mary, Duchess, Dale, Nate, Stone Cold, Aslan, Vega, Jen
Zimmer, Louise, Sairs, and Queen Angel who have allowed me to bounce my ideas off them, and
Krac, cause she has the evil bunny slippers.
Reading -OR- The World's Most Boring Story Written Since The Script to Vice Versa
Xander sat down in a chair, the place doesn't matter, the time doesn't matter, all that mattered was
that Xander sat down in a chair with a book under his arm. The book you ask? Why? No, no it's
not a book of demon lore or some ancient prophecy, this was in fact "Ivanhoe" though some
might argue the book itself is a demon. In Xander's hand was a cup of water.
After getting comfortable, Xander opened his book and began reading silently. The clock in the
corner silently ticked the seconds away. Xander broke the relative silence when he licked his
thumb and turned the page, continuing to read.
His mouth became dry and Xander took a drink of his water. The only sounds were the rustling
of Xander's leg as he repositioned in his chair, his silent breathing and the occasional rustle of the
pages of the book which was punctuated with Xander's small sounds of reaction to the contents of
the tome he was reading.
Oh yes, and the ticking of the clock. The constant, unending, relentless, maddening ticking of the
clock that only served to drive the reader of this story into a soul-crushing maddening rage
directed at the author. How dare he write something like this anyway! For the love of GOD,
HE'S JUST READING! NO SEX! NO VIOLENCE! NOT EVEN WITTY BANTER! I MEAN
THERE ISN'T EVEN ANOTHER PERSON! Not Buffy, not Willow, not Giles or Spike or even
Anya. HE'S JUST READING!
Wait! Xander's moving! He's getting out of his chair and he's crossing the room! Now
something's going to happen… he opened the door to the bathroom and closed the door. A
tinkling drifted through the door and Xander's groan of pleasure was a clear indication of what he
was doing. After a minute the toilet flushed and the sink could be heard. There was a pause long
enough for him to dry his hands and the door handle turned. Xander exited the bathroom and
returned to his chair and Ivanhoe.
And the ticking refilled the room….
Seconds drifted into minutes…
Minutes stacked up into hours… God this is a long book. How much longer can he just sit there
and read anyway? Isn't something Hellmouth-like going to happen? Or maybe something
Pythonesque? Yeah! Like a big safe falls on him! But nothing! He just sits there, quietly
turning pages and occasionally reacting with a chuckle or a sigh or a shake of his head.
It has to stop soon, right? Right? Please?
Nothing! This writer's a real bastard! He's sick son of a… What? This is G rated? G RATED!
Well MOTHER ##%#%#^$#^#^ and let me tell you @$#%%@#%@#$@#%@$%$@##$. This
bites. How much longer can this go on? Well, screw this I'm not going to find out. I'm outta
here! For the record, this author's a Grade-A Jerk!
Yet Xander continued to read.
--End--