Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft!
Author's Note: Thank you to the people who reviewed this story! I'm going to keep going, and since school's over, I'm going to make sure I get this finished! So here I go for Chapter 2!
All I Really Want
(Chapter 2:Questions & Memories)
I lazily blinked my eyes.
So tired......
I stretched and yawned. This trip was taking a lot longer than I expected it would. I guess since I'm so used to the Ragnarok. I mean with that thing, it's just *BAM*, and you're where you want to be. Conventional travel is so much slower.....
I glanced around at all the other passengers. They looked just as bored as I was, and many of them had already drifted off. I sighed in envy. I wish I could get some sleep, I can't seem to get my mind to be quiet. I'll be on the tip of consciousness, about to fall, then all of a sudden I have thoughts and questions break their way through and pull me back to reality. I really hate my brain sometimes. Right now, I wanted to just escape and not analyze or worry about anything, because that's what I've been doing for the passed hour and a half.....
I'm having doubts...
Lots of doubts...and fears.
It's all Squall's fault. If he hadn't come running out of that train station, and if he hadn't looked at me so sadly with those gray eyes I wouldn't be having the trouble I am now..It's driving me crazy. What was he trying to say? Was he trying to stop me from leaving? He came to the train station in hopes of....what?
No. It's my fault. I have to let go and face the future. Yeah, my new life away from everyone. It's what I wanted isn't it? Yup, it's what I want..... At least, I hope that's what I want...
Augh! Quistis pull yourself together!
I propped my chin on my hand and looked out the window. Nothing interesting outside, that's for sure. The train was still running underground, making it so that all I could see was a cement wall going by my window at an extremely high speed. I sighed and sat back drumming my fingers on one of my suitcases beside me. Xu was right, I am impatient.
I wonder what's going on back there right now? What's everyone doing? Do they miss me?
What's Squall doing? Does he miss me..?
Oh there you go thinking about him again girl!
I sighed. What if I made a mistake leaving? What if I wasn't supposed to do all of this? Maybe when I reach Deling, I'll just get on the next train back to Balamb.
But.......
What am I hoping to find if I return? I guess I'm hoping Squall will welcome me with open arms.....and tell me he lo-
........Get real.......
As if that's what would really happen, I am delusional. And what am I some sort of hussie? He's already with Rinoa, and their relationship's already been established. Besides, I don't think I could ever be the kind of person Squall really needs. He needs someone like Rinoa to help him really live. I tried to be that person for so long, and failed. So there you have it; conclusive proof that I'm not the one.....
Oh Hyne that's depressing....
I pulled one of my smaller suitcases onto my lad and opened it up. After rummaging through it for a few moments, I found what I was looking for.
My photo album.
I ran my index finger over the silver embossed letters on the cover that read, 'Memories'.
Xu had given this to me for my tenth birthday, saying that it was so I could cherish my childhood. At the time, I had just given her a strange look and a forced 'thank you'. I think I really wanted teddy bear, but now that I'm older I know that this was actually a very good present. Xu was a smart little kid. Ever since myself and the others had realized our memories were slowly fading, I've been looking in this album trying to recall and keep what memories I have left. It's a good thing I have this or else I don't think I'd remember my childhood at all.
I opened up the album to the first page. There was a picture of me holding my whip. I was holding out in front of me with both hands and looking at the camera with a strange face. I think I was trying to look menacing or something.
I chuckled, I must have only been eleven when that was taken. I looked at the picture below it and furrowed my brows. I was standing beside a blond boy about the same height as I was. It looked like we were in the cafeteria. After another moment of staring at the picture, I realized who it was. I rolled my eyes and smiled, I should of known at the sight of the hot dog the boy was holding up in the air. Oh man, I guess Zell will never change. Come to think of it, I don't really remember talking or being around him until I had to teach a few of his classes. How odd.
I flipped the page. There was a picture of me and Xu in the Quad. There was some sort of party in the background......a Garden Festival? Yeah, that's it. We were all dressed up in our Garden uniforms. I looked at the picture below it, and to my surprise it was Seifer, me, and Squall about thirteen-fourteen years old. Those to had each other in head locks, and it looked like they were yelling, and there was me in the background with a desperate look on my face, trying to break them up as usual.
Sigh....
I flipped the page. My eyes widened with surprise.
It was a picture of me and Squall....and he was...smiling? It looked like we were in the field just outside of Balamb Garden. I knew this because I could see Balamb faintly on the horizon. We looked to be about the same age as we were in the last picture, but the thing that's surprising me most is that.......he's got his arms around me.
I don't remember this.... Chances are, neither does he.
My head's leaning on his shoulder and, of course I'm smiling.
I'd probably turn into a heap on the ground if I got that close to him now.
I am so pathetic...
I flipped the next page, and something fell onto my lap. It was the lily I wore yesterday. When did I put it in here?
Now I'm losing my short term memory...how grand. Ugh.
Oh yeah, I put it in here this morning before I left. The petals were still smooth, but they were drying on the edges.
'It's hard enough to leave as it is....Stop doing this to me, before I change my mind.'
'What? What are you saying?'
'If you wanted to tell me, you should of done it earlier. Before Rinoa ca-..'
'N-NO! That's not it!'
'Oh I-I...I didn't..'
'It's-----
I---
I'm just going----
Forget it.'
'What? What is it?'
'Nothing! It's nothing!'
'Don't yell at me like that!!! I just want know what's going on!'
'Forget it!! Forget everything!! Just leave! You can't wait can you!?'
I closed my eyes as the memory of mine and Squall's fight replayed over and over again. I felt my eyes sting with tears. I can't believe that the last time we would talk, would turn into a yelling match.
How many times has he told me off....shut me out......shoot me down..
How many?
All I wanted to give him was my love and friendship, even a little bit more, and yet he still was so cold...so cruel...
Squall will be Squall.....
I will be me....
Nothing will change. Quistis Trepe will never get the happy ending....
Sigh...
My eyes were blinded by a sudden flash of light. I looked out the window and saw the ocean spread out before me. We were above ground again.... We'll probably be in Deling soon.
Soon.
I put the lily back in the album and put them in my suitcase. Others were stirring around me, gathering luggage and whatnot.
I looked back outside at the landscape. It's beautiful...... Looking at the ocean always makes me feel a little more at peace with everything. Why I don't know, but I'm glad. It's good to know there's some kind of peace in a chaotic world.
The landscape of Galbadia came into view. Not much longer now.
I haven't been to Galbadia since that fateful day when Edea and Seifer were in that parade. I guess I just never felt the need to return, but now this place seems suiting as a place to go to get away.
The train started to slow down. People started to stand up, ready to leave. I followed suit and grabbed all of my luggage. My knees were wobbly, I can't tell if it was from sitting for so long, or because I'm.....a little scared....
I watched out the window as our train entered the dimly lit station. The train slowed more, then eventually stopped.
Everyone began to file out. I hesitated though, not sure of myself again.
C'mon Quisty! Don't be a chicken, you can do it! Let's go!
I set my gaze and headed off the train with everyone else.
The muggy air hit me like a ton of bricks as I entered the crowded station. I always hate it when it's like this. I always feel like I'm going to suffocate.
I looked around for the stairs to get out of here. After finally spotting them, I pushed my way through the crowd to get to them.
As I neared the bottom of the stairs, I stopped. I looked back at the trains, then back up the stairs.
'Go talk to a wall.'
I looked back at the trains.
'....I was hoping you'd like them'
Back at the stairs....
'Forget it!! Forget everything!!'
I've waited for him for so many years...like some kind of faithful dog..
He's kicked and beaten my heart, yet I still waited for him....
So much like a dog.....
Just because he suddenly might start to care about me... He just assumes I'll still be there...
Waiting for him.
I'm not his dog. I have dreams, and wants, and needs too. Just because he suddenly says jump doesn't mean I'm going to ask 'how high?'
I took a deep breath, and started walking up there stairs.
Sorry Squall........
Author's Note: Man, things are looking grim....but don't worry. heh heh. Sorry this chapter is so short, my brain's on "final exam mode", so. I hope you liked this chapter, and the next one will be coming soon. So until then, happy reading!
Thank you!
Author's Note: Thank you to the people who reviewed this story! I'm going to keep going, and since school's over, I'm going to make sure I get this finished! So here I go for Chapter 2!
All I Really Want
(Chapter 2:Questions & Memories)
I lazily blinked my eyes.
So tired......
I stretched and yawned. This trip was taking a lot longer than I expected it would. I guess since I'm so used to the Ragnarok. I mean with that thing, it's just *BAM*, and you're where you want to be. Conventional travel is so much slower.....
I glanced around at all the other passengers. They looked just as bored as I was, and many of them had already drifted off. I sighed in envy. I wish I could get some sleep, I can't seem to get my mind to be quiet. I'll be on the tip of consciousness, about to fall, then all of a sudden I have thoughts and questions break their way through and pull me back to reality. I really hate my brain sometimes. Right now, I wanted to just escape and not analyze or worry about anything, because that's what I've been doing for the passed hour and a half.....
I'm having doubts...
Lots of doubts...and fears.
It's all Squall's fault. If he hadn't come running out of that train station, and if he hadn't looked at me so sadly with those gray eyes I wouldn't be having the trouble I am now..It's driving me crazy. What was he trying to say? Was he trying to stop me from leaving? He came to the train station in hopes of....what?
No. It's my fault. I have to let go and face the future. Yeah, my new life away from everyone. It's what I wanted isn't it? Yup, it's what I want..... At least, I hope that's what I want...
Augh! Quistis pull yourself together!
I propped my chin on my hand and looked out the window. Nothing interesting outside, that's for sure. The train was still running underground, making it so that all I could see was a cement wall going by my window at an extremely high speed. I sighed and sat back drumming my fingers on one of my suitcases beside me. Xu was right, I am impatient.
I wonder what's going on back there right now? What's everyone doing? Do they miss me?
What's Squall doing? Does he miss me..?
Oh there you go thinking about him again girl!
I sighed. What if I made a mistake leaving? What if I wasn't supposed to do all of this? Maybe when I reach Deling, I'll just get on the next train back to Balamb.
But.......
What am I hoping to find if I return? I guess I'm hoping Squall will welcome me with open arms.....and tell me he lo-
........Get real.......
As if that's what would really happen, I am delusional. And what am I some sort of hussie? He's already with Rinoa, and their relationship's already been established. Besides, I don't think I could ever be the kind of person Squall really needs. He needs someone like Rinoa to help him really live. I tried to be that person for so long, and failed. So there you have it; conclusive proof that I'm not the one.....
Oh Hyne that's depressing....
I pulled one of my smaller suitcases onto my lad and opened it up. After rummaging through it for a few moments, I found what I was looking for.
My photo album.
I ran my index finger over the silver embossed letters on the cover that read, 'Memories'.
Xu had given this to me for my tenth birthday, saying that it was so I could cherish my childhood. At the time, I had just given her a strange look and a forced 'thank you'. I think I really wanted teddy bear, but now that I'm older I know that this was actually a very good present. Xu was a smart little kid. Ever since myself and the others had realized our memories were slowly fading, I've been looking in this album trying to recall and keep what memories I have left. It's a good thing I have this or else I don't think I'd remember my childhood at all.
I opened up the album to the first page. There was a picture of me holding my whip. I was holding out in front of me with both hands and looking at the camera with a strange face. I think I was trying to look menacing or something.
I chuckled, I must have only been eleven when that was taken. I looked at the picture below it and furrowed my brows. I was standing beside a blond boy about the same height as I was. It looked like we were in the cafeteria. After another moment of staring at the picture, I realized who it was. I rolled my eyes and smiled, I should of known at the sight of the hot dog the boy was holding up in the air. Oh man, I guess Zell will never change. Come to think of it, I don't really remember talking or being around him until I had to teach a few of his classes. How odd.
I flipped the page. There was a picture of me and Xu in the Quad. There was some sort of party in the background......a Garden Festival? Yeah, that's it. We were all dressed up in our Garden uniforms. I looked at the picture below it, and to my surprise it was Seifer, me, and Squall about thirteen-fourteen years old. Those to had each other in head locks, and it looked like they were yelling, and there was me in the background with a desperate look on my face, trying to break them up as usual.
Sigh....
I flipped the page. My eyes widened with surprise.
It was a picture of me and Squall....and he was...smiling? It looked like we were in the field just outside of Balamb Garden. I knew this because I could see Balamb faintly on the horizon. We looked to be about the same age as we were in the last picture, but the thing that's surprising me most is that.......he's got his arms around me.
I don't remember this.... Chances are, neither does he.
My head's leaning on his shoulder and, of course I'm smiling.
I'd probably turn into a heap on the ground if I got that close to him now.
I am so pathetic...
I flipped the next page, and something fell onto my lap. It was the lily I wore yesterday. When did I put it in here?
Now I'm losing my short term memory...how grand. Ugh.
Oh yeah, I put it in here this morning before I left. The petals were still smooth, but they were drying on the edges.
'It's hard enough to leave as it is....Stop doing this to me, before I change my mind.'
'What? What are you saying?'
'If you wanted to tell me, you should of done it earlier. Before Rinoa ca-..'
'N-NO! That's not it!'
'Oh I-I...I didn't..'
'It's-----
I---
I'm just going----
Forget it.'
'What? What is it?'
'Nothing! It's nothing!'
'Don't yell at me like that!!! I just want know what's going on!'
'Forget it!! Forget everything!! Just leave! You can't wait can you!?'
I closed my eyes as the memory of mine and Squall's fight replayed over and over again. I felt my eyes sting with tears. I can't believe that the last time we would talk, would turn into a yelling match.
How many times has he told me off....shut me out......shoot me down..
How many?
All I wanted to give him was my love and friendship, even a little bit more, and yet he still was so cold...so cruel...
Squall will be Squall.....
I will be me....
Nothing will change. Quistis Trepe will never get the happy ending....
Sigh...
My eyes were blinded by a sudden flash of light. I looked out the window and saw the ocean spread out before me. We were above ground again.... We'll probably be in Deling soon.
Soon.
I put the lily back in the album and put them in my suitcase. Others were stirring around me, gathering luggage and whatnot.
I looked back outside at the landscape. It's beautiful...... Looking at the ocean always makes me feel a little more at peace with everything. Why I don't know, but I'm glad. It's good to know there's some kind of peace in a chaotic world.
The landscape of Galbadia came into view. Not much longer now.
I haven't been to Galbadia since that fateful day when Edea and Seifer were in that parade. I guess I just never felt the need to return, but now this place seems suiting as a place to go to get away.
The train started to slow down. People started to stand up, ready to leave. I followed suit and grabbed all of my luggage. My knees were wobbly, I can't tell if it was from sitting for so long, or because I'm.....a little scared....
I watched out the window as our train entered the dimly lit station. The train slowed more, then eventually stopped.
Everyone began to file out. I hesitated though, not sure of myself again.
C'mon Quisty! Don't be a chicken, you can do it! Let's go!
I set my gaze and headed off the train with everyone else.
The muggy air hit me like a ton of bricks as I entered the crowded station. I always hate it when it's like this. I always feel like I'm going to suffocate.
I looked around for the stairs to get out of here. After finally spotting them, I pushed my way through the crowd to get to them.
As I neared the bottom of the stairs, I stopped. I looked back at the trains, then back up the stairs.
'Go talk to a wall.'
I looked back at the trains.
'....I was hoping you'd like them'
Back at the stairs....
'Forget it!! Forget everything!!'
I've waited for him for so many years...like some kind of faithful dog..
He's kicked and beaten my heart, yet I still waited for him....
So much like a dog.....
Just because he suddenly might start to care about me... He just assumes I'll still be there...
Waiting for him.
I'm not his dog. I have dreams, and wants, and needs too. Just because he suddenly says jump doesn't mean I'm going to ask 'how high?'
I took a deep breath, and started walking up there stairs.
Sorry Squall........
Author's Note: Man, things are looking grim....but don't worry. heh heh. Sorry this chapter is so short, my brain's on "final exam mode", so. I hope you liked this chapter, and the next one will be coming soon. So until then, happy reading!
Thank you!