Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy 8, or any characters therein. The plot for this story is from my own imagination though. YAY Squaresoft!
Author's Note: Well, here it is. The last chapter.... Oh man, I can't believe it.
All I Really Want
(Chapter 5: All I Really Want)
I rolled over groggily and covered my ears with my pillow.
"Oh Hyne just shut up......" I muttered under my breath. My alarm clock was buzzing in that annoying way in which it seems only alarm clocks can......
I reached my hand over and tried to find the off switch. After fumbling around with it for a few minutes I gave up trying and sat up, yawning.
I hate mornings....
Reaching over, I unplugged the noisy little piece of technology. At least now it would stop buzzing....
Swinging my legs off the side of the bed I stretched and stood up. I'm glad I wore my shorts and t-shirt to sleep, the room was boiling hot last night.... Looking out the window, I sighed. It was a beautiful day, not a rain cloud in sight.
I did my morning ritual; wash my face, and brush my teeth. I could probably do those in my sleep by now. I grinned a little...
I think I have done those in my sleep a few times...
As I neared my door, a strange smell wafted into my nostrils.....
What is that? Is something burning......?
I opened my door to be faced with a room full of smoke. I coughed and covered my nose with the neck of my t-shirt. Looking around, I couldn't see Squall anywhere...
Where did he go?
I quickly crossed over to the kitchen, the source of the smell and the smoke....
"Dammit...." I heard someone scowl.
I rubbed my eyes. Squall was standing there muttering an array of curses under his breath.
Looking around...I noticed the various dishes lying here and there....
My kitchen.. It was a disaster!!!!
"What happened....?" I asked.
Squall turned around and coughed, "Nothing much....."
My eyes widened a little and I looked around again, "I dunno, looks like you've been busy......"
He kinda scratched his head and turned back to whatever he was doing. I pulled my nose out of my t-shirt and set to opening all my windows..... I can't stand smoke, it always makes my eyes sting and water...
I sighed and sat down on my couch. The room was still a bit misty, but it was a lot better than before...
I looked up to see Squall stumble out of the kitchen. He stopped and shrugged.
"Sorry about that...."
I shook my head, "It's fine... At least the place didn't burn down...." I raised an eyebrow, "What were you trying to do anyway..?"
He shifted his stance and awkwardly looked at the wall, "...I....was trying to make breakfast....."
I blinked and stared at him in surprise. I don't know what astonished me more, the fact that I woke up to a smoke filled apartment, or the fact the Squall was actually trying to cook....
In the Garden, we never had to make our own meals, we'd just go to the cafeteria and order what we wanted. There just wasn't enough time for some people to bother with learning how to cook...
I'm not saying I'm any better at it now, but I managed to learn how to make a few things from Dylan. He's quite the connoisseur.. He taught me a thing or two, baffled by the fact that I was nineteen years old and hadn't ever stepped foot in a kitchen...
I blushed, "I-I could make you something if you want."
He shook his head, "It's fine..."
I stood up, "I don't mind."
He opened his mouth to say something, then just shrugged, "Whatever...."
After going through all my cupboards, I managed to find enough for a decent breakfast....
I poured the pancake batter into the frying pan and evened it out. Pancakes were my starting off point when I was learning how to cook, so I guess I wasn't that bad at making them. I just hope I don't mess up and end up with
charred little crisps....
I looked back at my poor toaster. Squall had forgotten to check the toast he was making and ended up almost setting the thing on fire, thus the smell that had tickled my nose this morning...
Looking back to the frying pan, I flipped the pancake over and set my spatula down. This is kind of strange..... I shook my head, who knew I would ever be making him breakfast.... I felt myself blush.
"Here you go..." I set the plate down in front of him and headed back to the kitchen to make some coffee.
When I returned, he was already absorbed into the now diminishing stack of flap-jacks.
At least he seems to like them okay.... I set down a steaming mug of coffee beside him and then sat down at the other side of the table with my own mug in hand.
"....Thanks." he said without looking away from his plate. I nodded and took a sip of the hot liquid. I furrowed my brows and shook my head...
Blech..... I made mine too strong... Maybe it'll help me wake up though....
There was an awkward silence during the whole breakfast. I would've tried to talk about something, but chances are I'd be met with three word responses...
I set my half empty cup down. I couldn't take another drink... it just tasted too awful. That'll teach me I guess..
I looked at Squall. He sat back and stared at the empty plate.
"Good..?" I asked.
He nodded, "..Yeah.." I nodded and looked him over. He was back to wearing his gray t-shirt and black pants. I didn't notice before, but the t-shirt was a little torn and tattered. I booted myself mentally.
Of course it was, he had cuts all over his chest.
".....Y-You can keep the clothes you wore yesterday you know..." I said slowly spinning my cup by the handle.
I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye, "Huh?"
I blushed, "..Well...You're shirt's all ripped.... I just thought that you'd need a new one..."
He raised an eyebrow, "Why are you fussing over me all of a sudden...?"
I looked straight ahead and felt my face get hotter. I didn't mean to be, I was just trying to be helpful.....
Wasn't I?
"...Just trying to be helpful...." I said.
He crossed his arms, "I'm not a little kid.... I can do this kind of stuff on my own." I looked at him.
This coming from the guy who showed up all beaten up on my doorstep, and almost set my kitchen on fire trying to make himself breakfast... I bit my tongue though. No point in arguing about it, I'll just let him think what he wants...
I shrugged and got up, "... O-kay..." I reached out and grabbed the plate from in front of him and headed into the kitchen.
I sighed as I placed the dishes in the sink...
I hate washing dishes too..... I'm such a procrastinator when it comes to house work.
Turning on the tap, I let the sink fill to the brim with hot water. Taking off my watch and setting it on the window sill, I dove my hands in and set to work. Might as well get this done as fast as I can..
I looked out the window in front of me. The sun was shining, flooding the room in a warm soft glow... It felt nice, and sort of soothing. I smiled and looked back down at the dishes.
I looked around, making sure Squall wasn't in the room. I think he was in the bathroom having a shower or something.
Satisfied that I was on my own, I recalled the piano music from the other night. It kept playing crystal clear, in my mind over and over.
I submitted to the melody, and started to hum it softly as I ran the dish cloth around a glass. I blinked my eyes lazily as I set the glass on the tea towel beside the sink to dry.
I'm glad she's going to play at the bar again tonight. I can't wait to hear her music. I found at her name was Angela Snow, from a blushing Dylan. I grinned as I remembered how red his face was as he watched her play....
Maybe this is a repeat of Julia and Laguna....
Hopefully with a happy ending this time.... But, I guess there was a happy ending in their case. I mean, they both found they're true loves and married them to have the children that grew up and who stood side by side in the face of destiny...
I leaned against the counter and stared way off at the horizon. I had forgotten about Squall & Rinoa.... Here I am all thinking that they're not together, when I don't even know for sure.... I guess I just assumed---
I don't know, maybe they just had a fight or something, and that's why he left. That would expain why his ring wasn't with her anymore, but it dosen't explain her strange behavior......
Why did she hug me after I practically said I loved him..? And why did she say I wasn't supposed to be there when she opened the door...?
It's all so strange... I guess there's no use asking myself questions I can't answer.
I realized I was still humming. I guess I was so deep in thought I forgot I was doing it... but music does that to me sometimes. It makes me think, and I like that... It's sort of like a meditating, except my mind's not the thing at peace..... It's more like, everything around me gets shut out leaving me with my thoughts.. No interruptions. I just end up in my own world...
Hm, sort of like Squall.
I closed my eyes for a moment then started to finish up the last of the dishes. Hearing the floor boards shift, I looked over my shoulder and blushed.
Squall was standing there with his arms crossed leaning against the wall. He had exchanged his grey t-shirt for the nave blue one.
The left side of his mouth was turned up making a little smirk.
"H-How long have you been standing there..?" I asked trying to hide my blushing face by looking back down at the sink.
I really thought I was all alone in here for the passed while.
He shrugged, "Not long.."
There was a moment of silence. I could feel his gaze still on me. I turned to look at him.
"W-What..?"
His features softened, he shook his head, "It's nothing..." He came and walked up beside me, staring out the window. I looked back down at the sink and reached my hand in, pulling out a plate.
I blushed a little more as I felt his arm brush against mine.... I bit my lip and tried to concentrate as hard as I could on the dish I was wiping clean in my hand.
He can distract me very easily sometimes...
"...That was a nice tune... Where'd you hear it?" he asked still looking outside.
I felt embarrassment wash all over me. I was hoping he hadn't heard me humming...
"...At the bar last night."
I kinda looked at him, he nodded and said no more. I noticed the bandages that I had wrapped around his head the other day were gone.
"Why'd you take them off...?" I asked searching the sink for any stray utensils.
"Huh.?"
I found a fork and pulled it out of the water, "The bandages..... You should leave them on until the cut's completely healed...."
".....I heal quickly.." he answered somewhat absently. I glanced over at him.
"Let me see..." I said.
He gave me an odd look than held his hair back with his hand. I slowly reached up and turned his head so I could see the wound.
To my surprise, he was right. I could barely make it out.... It must be handy to have a quick recovery rate..
".... Huh. You're-" I realized he was looking into my eyes.. sort of like yesterday, "---right..." I finished quickly, letting my hand drop back towards the sink. He looked away.
I cleared my throat and pulled the plug out of the sink. I just stood there and watched the soapy water spiral then little by little disappear. Squall left my side and headed back towards the living room. I thought for a moment and decided that now would be good time to ask some of the questions I know he's been avoiding to answer....
I watched from the kitchen as he sat on the edge of the couch with his arms crossed resting on his lap. Maybe I should wait a little longer...
No. He's been putting this off long enough....
I took a deep breath and headed toward him. Taking a seat in the easy chair, I faced him straight on.
I built up my courage. He's gonna answer my questions whether he wants to or not.
At least I'll try to get him to answer them....
"...Squall..?" I asked.
He looked up from the floor.
"...Um.... I think we should talk."
He raised an eyebrow at me, "About what..?"
I kind of fiddled with the hem of my shorts, "Well...... You've been here for a couple days now, and I'm still wondering about the how and the why of it all..." I shook my head, "A-And I'm not going to take 'I don't want to talk about it as an answer'..."
I hope I got my point across okay.
He sat back and took a couple breaths. I'm still curious as to why he didn't just tell me what was going on first off....
He looked at me then straight ahead, "You're not gonna lay off huh?"
I crossed my arms trying to look as if I was impatient.
He finally sighed and crossed his arms, "...... I left because..... I had to get away and... think."
I sat back and waved my hand in front of me, "..That's it..? That's why you took off leaving everything and everyone behind."
He glared at me for a moment then looked at his lap, "Yeah. So..... What did you want me to say?"
I blushed and shook my head, "I just want an explanation...."
He threw his arms up, "Well that's the only one I've got okay!"
"Whoa! Take it easy!" I retorted, "I'm sorry...." I nodded my head, "Keep going..."
He rolled his eyes and resumed to his thinking position, "..It's hard to explain.."
I shook my head. I know in his case the sword is mightier than the pen but......
".. Try your best?..Please?"
"...Fine...
..... That day," he began quietly, "the day I left.... I don't know, there'd been some really rough passed couple of weeks. I couldn't concentrate at all.... I have no frigin' idea why.... The stacks of paper work and reports that I had to sign and respond to were piling up, I still had to organize and approve SeeD mission contracts, do initiation lectures, on top of all that I always had some ass harassing me about some kind of problem, or asking me millions of questions about this and that...Bitching about why there were cutbacks in their area. Even though I'm not the one who handles the goddamn budget...." he ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. I could tell he was getting a little stressed...
"It was just getting to be too much. I couldn't do anything at all... I started to have doubts about everything...
So, I guess I just sort of snapped. I left everything that reminded me of Garden behind, and told Zell this bull story that I was going to train around Balamb for a while...... Next thing I knew, I was in Balamb train station buying a boarding pass to Timber..."
I nodded. Makes sense, though I still wish he had just told someone he had to get away...... I suppose he's had a lot more pressure on him than I thought he did.
"You had to get away and think...." I summarized. He slowly nodded.
"You had to just go somewhere with no reminders of Garden, or SeeD, or anything..." I said, "Why didn't you talk to the others? Maybe they could of helped..."
He snorted, "..Whatever..."
I sat back a little in surprise. I can't believe this... I thought Rinoa had cured him of being so cold and introverted towards the people who just wanted to be his friends...
"Even after everything, you still won't talk to them....?"
He shook his head, "I'm talking to you aren't I?"
I blushed, "That's not what I mean.... It's just you know they're always there for you and--"
"I don't want their help!" he scowled swiping his hand in front of them, ".. How can they help, how can anyone help if I don't even know why I started thinking this way! Why I all of a sudden am unsure of things I thought I had wanted.. Thinking of it now, I didn't even want to be SeeD's leader. I got pushed into it without a say in anything!!!"
I sighed.... I didn't really know what to say to him that might help at all..
He stood up, "When I got to Timber, I spent a couple nights in the hotel.... I just sat there like a worthless ball of nothing. Even when I was hundreds of miles away from Garden, I still couldn't think..."
I stood up and took a few steps toward him....
"Then, I don't know...... I got the notion that maybe YOU might be able to help me. I thought that since you had quit, you might've gone through the same thing....
So I coughed up the gil for a rental car and started to head my way here, to Deling..."
"Is this where the explanation of why you were half dead on my door step comes in...?" I mused placing my hand on my hip.
He glanced back at me and then faced me, "I ran out of gas about 3/4 of the way here. I figured if I stuck to the road, I'd be just fine..... Of course judging how well things had been going for me that far, I shouldn't have been so assuming. I was at the city outskirts when I had an encounter. I was too exhausted and worn down to even lift a finger, so needless to say, I tried to get away...
Thing is the damn monsters managed to knock me around a bit before a could escape...." he turned away from me and put a hand on his hip, "Don't ask me how I got to your building, because frankly, I have absolutely no clue......"
I was silent...
"...I just remember having this strange feeling..... Good thing I went with it or else who knows where I'd be now...."
I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. He just stood there looking at the wall....
".....And I'm still trying to figure out what Rinoa was talking about before I left...."
My eyes widened a little with curiosity.
"..What did she say.....?" I asked hoping he'd actually tell me.. I mean, we were on a roll so far. He shook his head..
"......She handed me back my ring.... and started saying something about...." he turned around to face me. He stood there and studied me for a long moment.... searching my eyes... then he shook his head and walked toward the door, snatching his jacket off the rack on the way. I let the hand that was on his shoulder just moments before fall to my side as I watched him turn the doorknob.
"..Sorry Quistis. I need to get out and get some air...." he said quietly, still facing the door. He pivoted his head and looked at me for a moment, then he opened the door.
I just stood there and watched him shut it behind him as he stepped into the hall.
The little apartment suddenly felt cold and lonely.. The fear started to manifested until it thundered through my mind;
...what if he never comes back....?
It had been several hours.... No word from Squall...
I was on my bed in the fetal position... just laying there..
What if he never comes back..?
The notion wouldn't stop gnawing at the back of my mind...He was really stressed.. But even if he doesn't come back... at least I got some answers... Even if they weren't answers I was hoping for...
..........?
He was right, what DID I want him to say....?
Was I hoping he'd just cry out, 'I left because I'm crazy about you!!!!'...
I laughed bitterly... Even after all these months... I'm just as delusional as ever....
Squall.......
I wish there was some way I could help you. I wish that I could just know everything, and put your mind at ease...
Maybe I should've become a psychiatrist. I'd probably be more of a help.
I sat up. An idea hit me...
I know someone who may be able to help, even if they weren't a shrink.. They seemed to have a better clue about this than anyone else, especially considering what Squall had said a little before he left.
With that I reached my hand toward the phone on my night stand.
"Hello...?" the light hearted voice answered.
"Hi Rinoa...."
There was a silence on the other end.
"..Quistis?"
"Yeah..."
"Hi! Got the news yesterday! Everyone's relieved that he's okay..."
I nodded, "Yeah, me too..."
"Have to say, I AM a little surprised..."
"Huh..? About what..?"
There was a pause, "...Didn't he tell you..?"
"..Tell me what?..." I waited a moment, "Wait a sec, what makes you think he's here..?"
Another pause, "I had a feeling he'd find his way there....." she said in a-matter-of-fact tone..
I raised an eyebrow, "..What?" I feel kind of dumb... I have absolutely no clue what she's going on about.
She giggled, "..Oh nothing. Forget it..... So anyway, how are things..?"
I shrugged, "They're alright I suppose... Um... I was just calling to ask you some things."
"..Like what..?"
I took the phone chord and entangled it around my fingers, "Well.... I was talking to him today.. and I managed to get a better understanding on what's happened... but, well you know him, he can't ever seem to express how he really feels and--"
I heard a snort on the other end, ".Hmm, that's what got him into this whole mess in the first place..."
"Huh..?"
There was a sigh, "... Well, since he probably left this out, I'll tell you.
He's been acting real weird, I mean more than usual, for the last several months. Remember I told you he was upset that night at your party..?"
I nodded, "Uh huh...."
"Well, picture that attitude all the time...."
I let the chord fall from my grip, "Oh..."
"Anyway..... he was shutting everyone out, again. Even me.... I didn't know why for the beginning little while, but when he did talk to me, I listened, I mean really listened not to what he was saying, but to what he WASN'T saying. Sort of 'reading between the lines'.."
Where's she going with this...?
"Then, it hit me. I realized why he was acting the way he was..."
I sat on the edge of my bed, "What..? What'd you realize..?"
"Hey, where is he anyway.?"
"..He left hours ago.."
"Left.? You mean LEFT left?"
"I'm not sure... He hasn't come back yet."
She groaned, "Oh Squall..... The answer was right in front of you..." she said quietly. It sounded like she was saying it more to herself than to me..
"Just give him some time.... I know he'll figure it out soon.."
I stood up, "Figure what out? What are talking about..?"
I heard a muffled, "Just a minute!" Sounded like she was calling to someone.
"Sorry Quisty, I'm gonna have to let you go. Selphie's beating my door down..."
"But---"
"See ya!" Click....
I took the receiver away from my ear and looked at it. What the hell was all that about? I hung it up and dropped the phone on my bed.
"Well all that was about as clear as mud....." I muttered walking out into the living room. So much for getting any help from her...
So much I still don't get......
You think you're getting some where, when you actually just end up in more confusion than you started out with.... Man, Rinoa was sure talking weird. I mean, what's with all the little riddles and games, what's she trying to pull..?
I sat down in front of my television, completely dressed and ready to go to work.... Even though it was a good half an hour or so before it was time to go... I brushed my fingers through my hair. I decided I'd leave it down tonight...
Picking up the remote control, I started flipping through the channels. Sunday nights are about as bad as weekday mornings....
I passed by a couple of talk shows, but didn't stop to watch them. It was kind of funny, every one I passed someone was either yelling or throwing something at another guest.
What's T.V. coming to when people call THAT kind of stuff entertainment..? Everyone's going crazy....
At least, that's what I think...
With a scornful groan I hit the power button on the remote and watched the picture flicker then disappear..
Silence....
Silence really bites sometimes...
I got up and paced around the ever darkening apartment. A million things running though my head...
Why couldn't I just be able to have a normal life... like everyone else.? Why is it that all this weird ass stuff seems to happen to me? My life was on track, I was settled in..New friends, new job, new way of life.... Then that day I saw the report on Squall.. missing, since then my eyes seem to be getting more and more clouded with each passing moment.. Same with my mind.
To top it all off, Squall has to run off and make me worry.... again.
Why is it he seems to be the one causing me the most trouble? I try to be here for him, I try to help and understand him, then I end up getting swept up in it all, then left alone to sort it all out....
He better be worth all the heart ache and trouble he's caused me... I'm so pathetic.
Oh no..
I'm not gonna start that all over again. I'm truly pathetic if I start wallowing in self pity. I should just do what I always do....
Pick myself up, dust myself off..... and hope for the best. Though I don't know how many times I can keep doing that before I can do it no more...
I pulled on my jacket and purse. Wouldn't hurt to start work a little early would it..?
The brisk walk to the hotel was refreshing and what I needed. The sun was starting it's descent towards the horizon, sending golden streaks of colour over everything. This was always my favourite time of day, especially when there were some clouds in the sky. Their beautiful change from fluffy white, to purples and pinks always seemed to capture me.
I couldn't help but smile a little, my mind was at piece. For now at least....
I pushed open one of the double doors leading into the hotel. After a quick look around, I headed toward the staircase that descended into the lounge.
Seems like I wasn't the only one who decided to come early.......
Tera was leaning against the bar talking to Nina, who's back was towards me. Dylan was no where in sight, which I thought was a little strange because he's usually always around either one of them.
I shrugged and walked up.
Tera pointed at me causing Nina to turn around. The green eyed girl smiled and put her hands on her hips.
"Early again? I hope you're not going to make a habit of this.."
I nodded and stood in front of her, "Hah hah... Very funny." I started to take off my jacket, "Have you guys seen Dylan?"
Nina shook her head and Tera started to laugh.
"Heh, last time I saw him he went stumbling after that piano player.."
I raised an eyebrow, "How do you even know who the piano player is? You weren't here yesterday."
She shrugged, "Dave pointed her out."
Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder...
"Well speak of the devil." Tera said with a crooked smile. I pivoted my head to see a tall young man with curly blond hair smiling down at me.
"Hi!" I grinned.
Dave shook his head, "Haven't seen you around for a while."
I nodded, "Yeah, what you've been up to?"
"Ah, not much. I was just enjoying the spectacle in the lobby."
"What spectacle..?" Nina piped up.
He chuckled, "I just saw Dylan and Angela Snow come off the elevator..."
"What?!" we all chimed in.
He nodded, "You should of seen him... His face was redder than a drunk's. I overheard him going on and on about how 'inspirational her music was' and how 'it really touched him'..."
I crossed my arms..
Dave shrugged, "It looked like he was trying to do some heavy ass kissing."
"I feel bad for the girl." We all turned to look at Tera. She was standing there with her hands on her hips, "Remember the last woman he tried to 'woo'?"
Nina giggled, "Didn't she end up in the hospital with a broken nose..?"
"When did that happen?" I asked.
Tera glanced at me, "A little after last Christmas. He tried to take this girl that he'd been drooling over for months ice skating. He was so nervous he ended up stumbling on the ice and tripping her." she started laughing, "It was yet another priceless moment."
Nina cocked her head, "You were there?"
She nodded, "It was a double date."
Nina looked like she was thinking for a moment, "Hey... I think you told me about that. Didn't it end up your date helped Dylan's date to the hospital..? I heard they got married last month. Seems you're not any better off than Dylan huh..?"
Tera's face started to flush, "................"
"..Or were you going to casually leave that part out?" Nina continued. Tera got a wild look in her eye and gave the 'don't screw with me' glare.
Dave and I backed away from the impending cat fight. That woman gets pretty scary when she gets irritated...
"ANY-way...." I said turning to look at him, "What are you still doing here? I thought you got off work early on Sundays?"
"Some overtime doesn't hurt now and then." he answered looking behind me. I could hear those two still bickering
"Come on you two! Lighten up. If it makes you feel any better, you both suck at dating..." he called to them waving his hands. I felt my eyes widen. I don't think that was the smartest thing he's ever said... The bickering stopped and I watched Dave get a look of horror in his eyes.
"Whoops. Gotta go!" he cried as he fled from the lounge, chased by a yelling Nina and Tera. I sighed and thanked Hyne that the area was semi empty. It's not really professional to beat up co-workers in front of customers....
So there I was, left standing by the bar all alone. I checked my watch, my shift officially starts in about..
5...4....3......2....1.
Ah, there we go. I picked up a tray and looked around. I hope they all get back soon before they get busted for chasing each other around the hotel...
The night started off the same as yesterday. Pretty slow...
Nina, Tera and Dave got yelled at by the hotel manager for causing a disruption in the lobby. I felt kind of bad for them, but I kind of wished I was there... Probably was a funny little scene...
Dylan DID show up, late mind you, but he came. He just kept smiling and boasting about how he had a date with Angela next Friday. Tera bursted his bubble though by commenting on how the girl probably said yes so he'd stop hanging off of her.
Maybe secretly, she's a little jealous... I hear Tera had had a thing for Dylan a little while ago, but nothing came to pass. I never asked her about it though..... If she's anything like me, she'd probably rather not talk about it...
I was just heading back towards the bar after handing out about six coolers to this group of giggling college students when the place broke out into applause. Looking around in confusion, I noticed a woman clad in blue silk come gliding down the stairs.
It was Angela of course. Her dress was stunning, and I couldn't help but wonder if her family was wealthy considering how much it probably cost.
Her face sort of flushed as she bowed when she reached the piano. At least she's not letting all this popularity go to her head....
I continued my walk to the bar and leaned against it. Now that she's going to start playing, I'll have a little break from serving drinks... Everyone just seems to get totally absorbed in her music...
"I'm going out with her." Dylan announced triumphantly. He scared me half to death just popping up out of no where like that.
I rolled my eyes grinned, "That's the hundredth time you've said that in the passed two hours.."
He smiled, "I know, but I just don't seem to get sick of saying it."
I shook my head and looked back to the grand piano. She took a deep breath and set her fingers to the ivory keys.
Her song...
I felt my heart ache a little. It was just the tone of her music, the sound...the feeling it emitted.
An incredible sense of longing throbbed in my heart....
I kind of turned my face downwards... I didn't want to cry in front of room full of people.. but I still felt my throat choke up, and salty tears spring to my eyes.
.......I wish Squall was here......
To share this with me....
..I've really gotta stop thinking like that. I should embrace the future, and not look back....
.....Screw that!! I don't want to be alone for the future.. I want to face it all with someone. I want to share all the pain, the laughter, the smiles, the tears... I don't want to bear it all alone.
I don't want to be alone... I don't want to be alone!!!
The phrase repeated itself in my head, and gradually got so loud I was practically screaming inside. Feeling a slight touch on my shoulder, the shouting in my head stopped... the moment disappeared.
"..I know her music's great and all, but you don't have to look like it's killing you.."
I looked at him, "... Sorry."
"What for?"
I shook my head, "Nothing. Never mind.." He raised an eyebrow and grinned.
"You are really odd sometimes you know."
I nodded and forced a smile, "..Yeah. I know..." Just as I was turning to look back to Angela, I got this really creepy feeling. The feeling like someone was watching me.. I glanced around the large room, but I found no one even looking in my general direction...
I shivered....
"See you guys later!" Dylan smiled as he walked up the stairs. Tera, Nina and I all smiled and giggled as he winked at Angela, who was still sitting at the piano. She smiled and waved at him.
"What a lady killer.." I joked.
"Yeah, that's what we should be afraid of." the blue eyed girl muttered scornfully. Nina elbowed her in the ribs.
"Why are you on his case tonight? Give the guy a break...."
I watched Tera's features soften and she shook her head, "I know...... Sorry." Nina smiled and gave her a hug.
"There ya go!" The taller brown haired girl grinned slightly and patted Nina's back.
I went behind the bar and set my tray on one of the shelves. The place was closing up so there was no use in having it with me anymore.
I was about turn away and get started on gathering up the empty glasses and bottles when I heard chuckling. I peered over the counter to see Nina and Tera whispering.
"What's with the jacket?"
"..I don't know but he sure is gorg----"
"What are you two doing..?" I asked standing up. I seemed to have startled them because they both jumped. A hint of red on their faces.
Nina looked around slightly and leaned over, "Some strange guy's staring at you..And he's kinda cute!"
My eyes widened a little and I tried to non-chalantely glance around.
"Don't look!!" she cried in a hushed voice. I furrowed my brows and gave her a crooked stare.
And Dylan said I was odd....
She stepped back and looked around again. I shook my head and turned to the back counter. I picked up some empty bottles that the 'Casanova' forgot throw away before he left.
"You know you guys..." I said over my shoulder, ".You ARE weird some-" I caught sight of Nina out of the corner of my eye. She was gazing up at something with this look of awe on her face.
What the-?
I turned around to be faced with a familiar visage.. Those eyes staring into mine..
"Squall?!" I cried dropping the bottles. They fell to the carpeted floor with a soft thud.
"...Can I talk to you..? Outside...." he asked. There was a little bead of sweat on his brow..
He looks kinda... nervous?
I kind of nodded absently, "S-Sure.... Just give me a minute.." I finished as I snatched up my coat and purse from the bottom shelf.
I pulled them on as I walked out from in behind the bar.
"...Shall we go?" he asked stepping out of my path. I nodded and walked ahead.
As we ascended the stairs I shot back a quick glance to Nina and Tera. Tera was still standing there staring, and Nina smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I felt my face flush, then I turned away.
The night air was cool and refreshing as Squall and I walked down the wind blown streets of Deling.
He had his hands in is pockets, and was looking at the ground. I gripped my purse strap and swallowed hard.
What does he want to talk to me about..?
We came to junction. He glanced at me shook and motioned to the path.
"This way..."
I followed.
We ended up in the park. Not another soul in sight....
I stopped and gazed around at the quiet scenery. Squall walked passed me and up to the edge of the water.
I took a deep breath and walked up to his side.
"So...." I began. My heart was thundering in my chest, "Where've you been?"
He shrugged, "Walking around..... Thinking mostly.."
I nodded, "I'm glad you were able to.. Do you feel any better?"
He nodded and kicked a stone into the moonlit waters, "..A little."
"....Were you able to find the answers you were looking for?"
He looked up at the sky and smirked, "....Yes."
"....So... What did you want to talk about.?" I asked carefully sitting down on the grass.
I took off my heels and set them beside me.. My feet were killing me..
Squall took a seat beside me, our shoulders touching...
"..I was at your work tonight.."
I blushed a little and nodded, "I thought you were just there for the last little bit?"
He shook his head.
"How come you were there..?" I asked clasping my hands in my lap.
There was a delayed answer, "..I....wanted to see you.."
My heart pounded more and more....
"... Like I said.. I've been thinking ever since I stepped foot out of your apartment.."
He shifted slightly and brushed back his hair, "..... I think I know what was wrong.."
I smiled, "Really? I'm glad...."
"Yeah well.... I'm pretty slow.."
I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, "What do you mean..?" He reached into his pocket and after a moment or so, pulled out shimmering little circular object.
I recognized the lion engravement... His ring.
"Just before I left... I spoke to Rinoa..." he looked at the ring, "... She said that she figured I'd be going, and handed me back my ring.... I didn't know why she was doing it, but she said it was for the best.... and that if I follow my heart, she's sure I'll find what I'm looking for... I asked her what she meant, but she just shook her said I had to figure it out on my own....
So a little later, I left. And I realized that she had just broken up with me. I had no clue why..."
I sighed and shook my head, "I'm so sorry Squall...."
"..It's alright."
"Huh..?"
"I'm not finished yet.." he said with a little grin as he looked out over the water. A soft breeze blew around us, and I suddenly felt a little tug on my memory. This is the same atmosphere as the party... when I had that fight with him...
I gulped, I hoped that this evening wouldn't end the same as it had then....
"..Like I was saying..." he continued, "..But.. I think I know now...."
He gazed at the ring, his features softened, "..She such an intuitive girl.... She knew even before I did..."
I furrowed my brows.. What's he talking about?
"When I saw you the first night I came here, I was really relieved.... There was something else though, but I just shoved it aside and ignored it. I got the strange feeling again. The one that I had followed that ended me up where you found me that night..."
I licked my lips and clasped my hands tighter. No words can describe how nervous I was..
".... Then, after I finished changing this morning and came out, I saw you in the kitchen humming.... That feeling from the night before last creeped up again... It was soothing...."
He shifted so he was sitting facing me.
"..That day you left on the train, I was trying to avoid saying good-bye.. It wasn't because of the fight.."
I sighed and looked at him, "Really?"
"Yeah.... I was afraid to say good-bye to you, because if I did, it would feel more final that you were leaving......
But, after I heard you had already taken the car and headed toward Balamb.. I panicked, because I realized that no matter what, you were going away. I got in one of the cars and took off after you...
When I got to the station though, you were already on the train...."
I nodded recalling that day. The hurt look in his eyes....
"..I felt horrible, because I was so rude to you, though the problem was with me... I guess I took it out on you..."
I shook my head, "That was a long time ago..... It's doesn't matter.."
He continued on not regarding my words, ".. For the following months, I...." he cringed a little, "..moped.... around the Garden."
Squall moping?
".. I wanted to call and apologize, but I couldn't do it...... So I just buried it, and continued on with my life....
.. Without really knowing it, I slowly started to withdraw from everyone and everything again.."
..Just like Rinoa had said......
"... There was this.... I don't know, ache. I didn't know what it was, or why it was there but I tried to ignore it....
After a while, I just couldn't concentrate or think properly...... That pretty much leads up to what I told you earlier today..... And I know everyone wanted to help..... But I knew they couldn't.... There was only one person that could possibly-"
He kind of took a deep breath, "I want to apologize to you....... I've treated you like shit, shut you out when all you wanted was to help... I'm sorry.."
My eyes widened. I slowly placed my hand on his shoulder, "...It's alright... You have your reasons.."
He shook his head again, "It's not alright.... I still can't believe I treated you like that.... The person I-"
He stopped. My heart jumped in my chest...
"Rinoa was right, I did find what I was looking by following my heart...."
He took my hand gently, "..And it led me-" he placed the ring in it and closed my hand, "--to you."
My eyes stung suddenly with tears.. My breath came quicker..
"... I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out.... I just hope that you were willing to wait for me...." he smiled. He was trying to sound calm, but the look in his eyes said quite different. He looked so vulnerable.. so human. My heart ached...
He let go of my hand and I opened it up. The moon glinted off of the ring's metallic surface.
His ring..... The ring I've dreamt about.... It signified everything I longed for, and it was mine.. I realized Squall was still sitting there looking at me, nervously awaiting an answer.
I looked at him through blurry tear filled eyes. In one quick motion I threw my arms around him and started to cry into his shoulder, "I waited...." I sobbed, "I've always waited for you..."
I felt him put his arms around my quivering form.. It all felt like a dream...
I pulled back a little and sniffed. He smiled at me, took off his glove, and tenderly wiped my tears away.
"... But," I began, "What about Garden? I thought you talked to Cid the other day..?"
He looked surprised for a moment then shook his head, "I did...... To say that I was resigning.."
I took in a shape breath... That's what Rinoa meant by the thing she was surprised that he didn't tell me....
Everything, for once, is starting to make sense. I felt the clouds in front of my eyes vanish, I could see everything so
clearly..............
.............. That night that I had returned to Garden, when Rinoa said I wasn't supposed to be there, it was because she knew Squall would come looking for me.....
She asked me if I loved him because she knew he had the same feelings..
I gave a somewhat crooked grin...
She knew everything before we did...
Remembering what he had just said, I snapped out of my train of thought, "..W-Why did you quit...?"
".. I wise person told me once, that we follow a set path for a time in our life...." he brushed back a stray hair that had swept onto my face, "..and that once we've walked that path, we were free to live our life as we chose...."
I felt more tears caress my cheeks as I chuckled, "..Wow, they must be really wise.." I said smiling.
He nodded, "..The wisest I know..."
He leaned in closer, "...Quistis Trepe...You're all I really want..."
I smiled and leaned in too, ".. You're all I really want....Squall Leonhart..."
Under the light of the shining crescent moon, our hearts became one, sealed by a kiss that will forever be etched in my heart.......
I've found my new path.....
and all I've ever really wanted.
The End
Author's Note: *sniff* Just a little choked up is all. Can't believe that I actually finished! Oh man.... So what did you all think? I hoped you like it and before a say good-bye, I'd like to thank all the readers, and especially the reviewers...
You're kind and encouraging words helped me through this long and difficult process of writing..
Thank you everyone!!! *blows a big kiss*
So until we meet again, see you, and thank you! -_o ~Kelli
Author's Note: Well, here it is. The last chapter.... Oh man, I can't believe it.
All I Really Want
(Chapter 5: All I Really Want)
I rolled over groggily and covered my ears with my pillow.
"Oh Hyne just shut up......" I muttered under my breath. My alarm clock was buzzing in that annoying way in which it seems only alarm clocks can......
I reached my hand over and tried to find the off switch. After fumbling around with it for a few minutes I gave up trying and sat up, yawning.
I hate mornings....
Reaching over, I unplugged the noisy little piece of technology. At least now it would stop buzzing....
Swinging my legs off the side of the bed I stretched and stood up. I'm glad I wore my shorts and t-shirt to sleep, the room was boiling hot last night.... Looking out the window, I sighed. It was a beautiful day, not a rain cloud in sight.
I did my morning ritual; wash my face, and brush my teeth. I could probably do those in my sleep by now. I grinned a little...
I think I have done those in my sleep a few times...
As I neared my door, a strange smell wafted into my nostrils.....
What is that? Is something burning......?
I opened my door to be faced with a room full of smoke. I coughed and covered my nose with the neck of my t-shirt. Looking around, I couldn't see Squall anywhere...
Where did he go?
I quickly crossed over to the kitchen, the source of the smell and the smoke....
"Dammit...." I heard someone scowl.
I rubbed my eyes. Squall was standing there muttering an array of curses under his breath.
Looking around...I noticed the various dishes lying here and there....
My kitchen.. It was a disaster!!!!
"What happened....?" I asked.
Squall turned around and coughed, "Nothing much....."
My eyes widened a little and I looked around again, "I dunno, looks like you've been busy......"
He kinda scratched his head and turned back to whatever he was doing. I pulled my nose out of my t-shirt and set to opening all my windows..... I can't stand smoke, it always makes my eyes sting and water...
I sighed and sat down on my couch. The room was still a bit misty, but it was a lot better than before...
I looked up to see Squall stumble out of the kitchen. He stopped and shrugged.
"Sorry about that...."
I shook my head, "It's fine... At least the place didn't burn down...." I raised an eyebrow, "What were you trying to do anyway..?"
He shifted his stance and awkwardly looked at the wall, "...I....was trying to make breakfast....."
I blinked and stared at him in surprise. I don't know what astonished me more, the fact that I woke up to a smoke filled apartment, or the fact the Squall was actually trying to cook....
In the Garden, we never had to make our own meals, we'd just go to the cafeteria and order what we wanted. There just wasn't enough time for some people to bother with learning how to cook...
I'm not saying I'm any better at it now, but I managed to learn how to make a few things from Dylan. He's quite the connoisseur.. He taught me a thing or two, baffled by the fact that I was nineteen years old and hadn't ever stepped foot in a kitchen...
I blushed, "I-I could make you something if you want."
He shook his head, "It's fine..."
I stood up, "I don't mind."
He opened his mouth to say something, then just shrugged, "Whatever...."
After going through all my cupboards, I managed to find enough for a decent breakfast....
I poured the pancake batter into the frying pan and evened it out. Pancakes were my starting off point when I was learning how to cook, so I guess I wasn't that bad at making them. I just hope I don't mess up and end up with
charred little crisps....
I looked back at my poor toaster. Squall had forgotten to check the toast he was making and ended up almost setting the thing on fire, thus the smell that had tickled my nose this morning...
Looking back to the frying pan, I flipped the pancake over and set my spatula down. This is kind of strange..... I shook my head, who knew I would ever be making him breakfast.... I felt myself blush.
"Here you go..." I set the plate down in front of him and headed back to the kitchen to make some coffee.
When I returned, he was already absorbed into the now diminishing stack of flap-jacks.
At least he seems to like them okay.... I set down a steaming mug of coffee beside him and then sat down at the other side of the table with my own mug in hand.
"....Thanks." he said without looking away from his plate. I nodded and took a sip of the hot liquid. I furrowed my brows and shook my head...
Blech..... I made mine too strong... Maybe it'll help me wake up though....
There was an awkward silence during the whole breakfast. I would've tried to talk about something, but chances are I'd be met with three word responses...
I set my half empty cup down. I couldn't take another drink... it just tasted too awful. That'll teach me I guess..
I looked at Squall. He sat back and stared at the empty plate.
"Good..?" I asked.
He nodded, "..Yeah.." I nodded and looked him over. He was back to wearing his gray t-shirt and black pants. I didn't notice before, but the t-shirt was a little torn and tattered. I booted myself mentally.
Of course it was, he had cuts all over his chest.
".....Y-You can keep the clothes you wore yesterday you know..." I said slowly spinning my cup by the handle.
I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye, "Huh?"
I blushed, "..Well...You're shirt's all ripped.... I just thought that you'd need a new one..."
He raised an eyebrow, "Why are you fussing over me all of a sudden...?"
I looked straight ahead and felt my face get hotter. I didn't mean to be, I was just trying to be helpful.....
Wasn't I?
"...Just trying to be helpful...." I said.
He crossed his arms, "I'm not a little kid.... I can do this kind of stuff on my own." I looked at him.
This coming from the guy who showed up all beaten up on my doorstep, and almost set my kitchen on fire trying to make himself breakfast... I bit my tongue though. No point in arguing about it, I'll just let him think what he wants...
I shrugged and got up, "... O-kay..." I reached out and grabbed the plate from in front of him and headed into the kitchen.
I sighed as I placed the dishes in the sink...
I hate washing dishes too..... I'm such a procrastinator when it comes to house work.
Turning on the tap, I let the sink fill to the brim with hot water. Taking off my watch and setting it on the window sill, I dove my hands in and set to work. Might as well get this done as fast as I can..
I looked out the window in front of me. The sun was shining, flooding the room in a warm soft glow... It felt nice, and sort of soothing. I smiled and looked back down at the dishes.
I looked around, making sure Squall wasn't in the room. I think he was in the bathroom having a shower or something.
Satisfied that I was on my own, I recalled the piano music from the other night. It kept playing crystal clear, in my mind over and over.
I submitted to the melody, and started to hum it softly as I ran the dish cloth around a glass. I blinked my eyes lazily as I set the glass on the tea towel beside the sink to dry.
I'm glad she's going to play at the bar again tonight. I can't wait to hear her music. I found at her name was Angela Snow, from a blushing Dylan. I grinned as I remembered how red his face was as he watched her play....
Maybe this is a repeat of Julia and Laguna....
Hopefully with a happy ending this time.... But, I guess there was a happy ending in their case. I mean, they both found they're true loves and married them to have the children that grew up and who stood side by side in the face of destiny...
I leaned against the counter and stared way off at the horizon. I had forgotten about Squall & Rinoa.... Here I am all thinking that they're not together, when I don't even know for sure.... I guess I just assumed---
I don't know, maybe they just had a fight or something, and that's why he left. That would expain why his ring wasn't with her anymore, but it dosen't explain her strange behavior......
Why did she hug me after I practically said I loved him..? And why did she say I wasn't supposed to be there when she opened the door...?
It's all so strange... I guess there's no use asking myself questions I can't answer.
I realized I was still humming. I guess I was so deep in thought I forgot I was doing it... but music does that to me sometimes. It makes me think, and I like that... It's sort of like a meditating, except my mind's not the thing at peace..... It's more like, everything around me gets shut out leaving me with my thoughts.. No interruptions. I just end up in my own world...
Hm, sort of like Squall.
I closed my eyes for a moment then started to finish up the last of the dishes. Hearing the floor boards shift, I looked over my shoulder and blushed.
Squall was standing there with his arms crossed leaning against the wall. He had exchanged his grey t-shirt for the nave blue one.
The left side of his mouth was turned up making a little smirk.
"H-How long have you been standing there..?" I asked trying to hide my blushing face by looking back down at the sink.
I really thought I was all alone in here for the passed while.
He shrugged, "Not long.."
There was a moment of silence. I could feel his gaze still on me. I turned to look at him.
"W-What..?"
His features softened, he shook his head, "It's nothing..." He came and walked up beside me, staring out the window. I looked back down at the sink and reached my hand in, pulling out a plate.
I blushed a little more as I felt his arm brush against mine.... I bit my lip and tried to concentrate as hard as I could on the dish I was wiping clean in my hand.
He can distract me very easily sometimes...
"...That was a nice tune... Where'd you hear it?" he asked still looking outside.
I felt embarrassment wash all over me. I was hoping he hadn't heard me humming...
"...At the bar last night."
I kinda looked at him, he nodded and said no more. I noticed the bandages that I had wrapped around his head the other day were gone.
"Why'd you take them off...?" I asked searching the sink for any stray utensils.
"Huh.?"
I found a fork and pulled it out of the water, "The bandages..... You should leave them on until the cut's completely healed...."
".....I heal quickly.." he answered somewhat absently. I glanced over at him.
"Let me see..." I said.
He gave me an odd look than held his hair back with his hand. I slowly reached up and turned his head so I could see the wound.
To my surprise, he was right. I could barely make it out.... It must be handy to have a quick recovery rate..
".... Huh. You're-" I realized he was looking into my eyes.. sort of like yesterday, "---right..." I finished quickly, letting my hand drop back towards the sink. He looked away.
I cleared my throat and pulled the plug out of the sink. I just stood there and watched the soapy water spiral then little by little disappear. Squall left my side and headed back towards the living room. I thought for a moment and decided that now would be good time to ask some of the questions I know he's been avoiding to answer....
I watched from the kitchen as he sat on the edge of the couch with his arms crossed resting on his lap. Maybe I should wait a little longer...
No. He's been putting this off long enough....
I took a deep breath and headed toward him. Taking a seat in the easy chair, I faced him straight on.
I built up my courage. He's gonna answer my questions whether he wants to or not.
At least I'll try to get him to answer them....
"...Squall..?" I asked.
He looked up from the floor.
"...Um.... I think we should talk."
He raised an eyebrow at me, "About what..?"
I kind of fiddled with the hem of my shorts, "Well...... You've been here for a couple days now, and I'm still wondering about the how and the why of it all..." I shook my head, "A-And I'm not going to take 'I don't want to talk about it as an answer'..."
I hope I got my point across okay.
He sat back and took a couple breaths. I'm still curious as to why he didn't just tell me what was going on first off....
He looked at me then straight ahead, "You're not gonna lay off huh?"
I crossed my arms trying to look as if I was impatient.
He finally sighed and crossed his arms, "...... I left because..... I had to get away and... think."
I sat back and waved my hand in front of me, "..That's it..? That's why you took off leaving everything and everyone behind."
He glared at me for a moment then looked at his lap, "Yeah. So..... What did you want me to say?"
I blushed and shook my head, "I just want an explanation...."
He threw his arms up, "Well that's the only one I've got okay!"
"Whoa! Take it easy!" I retorted, "I'm sorry...." I nodded my head, "Keep going..."
He rolled his eyes and resumed to his thinking position, "..It's hard to explain.."
I shook my head. I know in his case the sword is mightier than the pen but......
".. Try your best?..Please?"
"...Fine...
..... That day," he began quietly, "the day I left.... I don't know, there'd been some really rough passed couple of weeks. I couldn't concentrate at all.... I have no frigin' idea why.... The stacks of paper work and reports that I had to sign and respond to were piling up, I still had to organize and approve SeeD mission contracts, do initiation lectures, on top of all that I always had some ass harassing me about some kind of problem, or asking me millions of questions about this and that...Bitching about why there were cutbacks in their area. Even though I'm not the one who handles the goddamn budget...." he ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath. I could tell he was getting a little stressed...
"It was just getting to be too much. I couldn't do anything at all... I started to have doubts about everything...
So, I guess I just sort of snapped. I left everything that reminded me of Garden behind, and told Zell this bull story that I was going to train around Balamb for a while...... Next thing I knew, I was in Balamb train station buying a boarding pass to Timber..."
I nodded. Makes sense, though I still wish he had just told someone he had to get away...... I suppose he's had a lot more pressure on him than I thought he did.
"You had to get away and think...." I summarized. He slowly nodded.
"You had to just go somewhere with no reminders of Garden, or SeeD, or anything..." I said, "Why didn't you talk to the others? Maybe they could of helped..."
He snorted, "..Whatever..."
I sat back a little in surprise. I can't believe this... I thought Rinoa had cured him of being so cold and introverted towards the people who just wanted to be his friends...
"Even after everything, you still won't talk to them....?"
He shook his head, "I'm talking to you aren't I?"
I blushed, "That's not what I mean.... It's just you know they're always there for you and--"
"I don't want their help!" he scowled swiping his hand in front of them, ".. How can they help, how can anyone help if I don't even know why I started thinking this way! Why I all of a sudden am unsure of things I thought I had wanted.. Thinking of it now, I didn't even want to be SeeD's leader. I got pushed into it without a say in anything!!!"
I sighed.... I didn't really know what to say to him that might help at all..
He stood up, "When I got to Timber, I spent a couple nights in the hotel.... I just sat there like a worthless ball of nothing. Even when I was hundreds of miles away from Garden, I still couldn't think..."
I stood up and took a few steps toward him....
"Then, I don't know...... I got the notion that maybe YOU might be able to help me. I thought that since you had quit, you might've gone through the same thing....
So I coughed up the gil for a rental car and started to head my way here, to Deling..."
"Is this where the explanation of why you were half dead on my door step comes in...?" I mused placing my hand on my hip.
He glanced back at me and then faced me, "I ran out of gas about 3/4 of the way here. I figured if I stuck to the road, I'd be just fine..... Of course judging how well things had been going for me that far, I shouldn't have been so assuming. I was at the city outskirts when I had an encounter. I was too exhausted and worn down to even lift a finger, so needless to say, I tried to get away...
Thing is the damn monsters managed to knock me around a bit before a could escape...." he turned away from me and put a hand on his hip, "Don't ask me how I got to your building, because frankly, I have absolutely no clue......"
I was silent...
"...I just remember having this strange feeling..... Good thing I went with it or else who knows where I'd be now...."
I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. He just stood there looking at the wall....
".....And I'm still trying to figure out what Rinoa was talking about before I left...."
My eyes widened a little with curiosity.
"..What did she say.....?" I asked hoping he'd actually tell me.. I mean, we were on a roll so far. He shook his head..
"......She handed me back my ring.... and started saying something about...." he turned around to face me. He stood there and studied me for a long moment.... searching my eyes... then he shook his head and walked toward the door, snatching his jacket off the rack on the way. I let the hand that was on his shoulder just moments before fall to my side as I watched him turn the doorknob.
"..Sorry Quistis. I need to get out and get some air...." he said quietly, still facing the door. He pivoted his head and looked at me for a moment, then he opened the door.
I just stood there and watched him shut it behind him as he stepped into the hall.
The little apartment suddenly felt cold and lonely.. The fear started to manifested until it thundered through my mind;
...what if he never comes back....?
It had been several hours.... No word from Squall...
I was on my bed in the fetal position... just laying there..
What if he never comes back..?
The notion wouldn't stop gnawing at the back of my mind...He was really stressed.. But even if he doesn't come back... at least I got some answers... Even if they weren't answers I was hoping for...
..........?
He was right, what DID I want him to say....?
Was I hoping he'd just cry out, 'I left because I'm crazy about you!!!!'...
I laughed bitterly... Even after all these months... I'm just as delusional as ever....
Squall.......
I wish there was some way I could help you. I wish that I could just know everything, and put your mind at ease...
Maybe I should've become a psychiatrist. I'd probably be more of a help.
I sat up. An idea hit me...
I know someone who may be able to help, even if they weren't a shrink.. They seemed to have a better clue about this than anyone else, especially considering what Squall had said a little before he left.
With that I reached my hand toward the phone on my night stand.
"Hello...?" the light hearted voice answered.
"Hi Rinoa...."
There was a silence on the other end.
"..Quistis?"
"Yeah..."
"Hi! Got the news yesterday! Everyone's relieved that he's okay..."
I nodded, "Yeah, me too..."
"Have to say, I AM a little surprised..."
"Huh..? About what..?"
There was a pause, "...Didn't he tell you..?"
"..Tell me what?..." I waited a moment, "Wait a sec, what makes you think he's here..?"
Another pause, "I had a feeling he'd find his way there....." she said in a-matter-of-fact tone..
I raised an eyebrow, "..What?" I feel kind of dumb... I have absolutely no clue what she's going on about.
She giggled, "..Oh nothing. Forget it..... So anyway, how are things..?"
I shrugged, "They're alright I suppose... Um... I was just calling to ask you some things."
"..Like what..?"
I took the phone chord and entangled it around my fingers, "Well.... I was talking to him today.. and I managed to get a better understanding on what's happened... but, well you know him, he can't ever seem to express how he really feels and--"
I heard a snort on the other end, ".Hmm, that's what got him into this whole mess in the first place..."
"Huh..?"
There was a sigh, "... Well, since he probably left this out, I'll tell you.
He's been acting real weird, I mean more than usual, for the last several months. Remember I told you he was upset that night at your party..?"
I nodded, "Uh huh...."
"Well, picture that attitude all the time...."
I let the chord fall from my grip, "Oh..."
"Anyway..... he was shutting everyone out, again. Even me.... I didn't know why for the beginning little while, but when he did talk to me, I listened, I mean really listened not to what he was saying, but to what he WASN'T saying. Sort of 'reading between the lines'.."
Where's she going with this...?
"Then, it hit me. I realized why he was acting the way he was..."
I sat on the edge of my bed, "What..? What'd you realize..?"
"Hey, where is he anyway.?"
"..He left hours ago.."
"Left.? You mean LEFT left?"
"I'm not sure... He hasn't come back yet."
She groaned, "Oh Squall..... The answer was right in front of you..." she said quietly. It sounded like she was saying it more to herself than to me..
"Just give him some time.... I know he'll figure it out soon.."
I stood up, "Figure what out? What are talking about..?"
I heard a muffled, "Just a minute!" Sounded like she was calling to someone.
"Sorry Quisty, I'm gonna have to let you go. Selphie's beating my door down..."
"But---"
"See ya!" Click....
I took the receiver away from my ear and looked at it. What the hell was all that about? I hung it up and dropped the phone on my bed.
"Well all that was about as clear as mud....." I muttered walking out into the living room. So much for getting any help from her...
So much I still don't get......
You think you're getting some where, when you actually just end up in more confusion than you started out with.... Man, Rinoa was sure talking weird. I mean, what's with all the little riddles and games, what's she trying to pull..?
I sat down in front of my television, completely dressed and ready to go to work.... Even though it was a good half an hour or so before it was time to go... I brushed my fingers through my hair. I decided I'd leave it down tonight...
Picking up the remote control, I started flipping through the channels. Sunday nights are about as bad as weekday mornings....
I passed by a couple of talk shows, but didn't stop to watch them. It was kind of funny, every one I passed someone was either yelling or throwing something at another guest.
What's T.V. coming to when people call THAT kind of stuff entertainment..? Everyone's going crazy....
At least, that's what I think...
With a scornful groan I hit the power button on the remote and watched the picture flicker then disappear..
Silence....
Silence really bites sometimes...
I got up and paced around the ever darkening apartment. A million things running though my head...
Why couldn't I just be able to have a normal life... like everyone else.? Why is it that all this weird ass stuff seems to happen to me? My life was on track, I was settled in..New friends, new job, new way of life.... Then that day I saw the report on Squall.. missing, since then my eyes seem to be getting more and more clouded with each passing moment.. Same with my mind.
To top it all off, Squall has to run off and make me worry.... again.
Why is it he seems to be the one causing me the most trouble? I try to be here for him, I try to help and understand him, then I end up getting swept up in it all, then left alone to sort it all out....
He better be worth all the heart ache and trouble he's caused me... I'm so pathetic.
Oh no..
I'm not gonna start that all over again. I'm truly pathetic if I start wallowing in self pity. I should just do what I always do....
Pick myself up, dust myself off..... and hope for the best. Though I don't know how many times I can keep doing that before I can do it no more...
I pulled on my jacket and purse. Wouldn't hurt to start work a little early would it..?
The brisk walk to the hotel was refreshing and what I needed. The sun was starting it's descent towards the horizon, sending golden streaks of colour over everything. This was always my favourite time of day, especially when there were some clouds in the sky. Their beautiful change from fluffy white, to purples and pinks always seemed to capture me.
I couldn't help but smile a little, my mind was at piece. For now at least....
I pushed open one of the double doors leading into the hotel. After a quick look around, I headed toward the staircase that descended into the lounge.
Seems like I wasn't the only one who decided to come early.......
Tera was leaning against the bar talking to Nina, who's back was towards me. Dylan was no where in sight, which I thought was a little strange because he's usually always around either one of them.
I shrugged and walked up.
Tera pointed at me causing Nina to turn around. The green eyed girl smiled and put her hands on her hips.
"Early again? I hope you're not going to make a habit of this.."
I nodded and stood in front of her, "Hah hah... Very funny." I started to take off my jacket, "Have you guys seen Dylan?"
Nina shook her head and Tera started to laugh.
"Heh, last time I saw him he went stumbling after that piano player.."
I raised an eyebrow, "How do you even know who the piano player is? You weren't here yesterday."
She shrugged, "Dave pointed her out."
Just then I felt a tap on my shoulder...
"Well speak of the devil." Tera said with a crooked smile. I pivoted my head to see a tall young man with curly blond hair smiling down at me.
"Hi!" I grinned.
Dave shook his head, "Haven't seen you around for a while."
I nodded, "Yeah, what you've been up to?"
"Ah, not much. I was just enjoying the spectacle in the lobby."
"What spectacle..?" Nina piped up.
He chuckled, "I just saw Dylan and Angela Snow come off the elevator..."
"What?!" we all chimed in.
He nodded, "You should of seen him... His face was redder than a drunk's. I overheard him going on and on about how 'inspirational her music was' and how 'it really touched him'..."
I crossed my arms..
Dave shrugged, "It looked like he was trying to do some heavy ass kissing."
"I feel bad for the girl." We all turned to look at Tera. She was standing there with her hands on her hips, "Remember the last woman he tried to 'woo'?"
Nina giggled, "Didn't she end up in the hospital with a broken nose..?"
"When did that happen?" I asked.
Tera glanced at me, "A little after last Christmas. He tried to take this girl that he'd been drooling over for months ice skating. He was so nervous he ended up stumbling on the ice and tripping her." she started laughing, "It was yet another priceless moment."
Nina cocked her head, "You were there?"
She nodded, "It was a double date."
Nina looked like she was thinking for a moment, "Hey... I think you told me about that. Didn't it end up your date helped Dylan's date to the hospital..? I heard they got married last month. Seems you're not any better off than Dylan huh..?"
Tera's face started to flush, "................"
"..Or were you going to casually leave that part out?" Nina continued. Tera got a wild look in her eye and gave the 'don't screw with me' glare.
Dave and I backed away from the impending cat fight. That woman gets pretty scary when she gets irritated...
"ANY-way...." I said turning to look at him, "What are you still doing here? I thought you got off work early on Sundays?"
"Some overtime doesn't hurt now and then." he answered looking behind me. I could hear those two still bickering
"Come on you two! Lighten up. If it makes you feel any better, you both suck at dating..." he called to them waving his hands. I felt my eyes widen. I don't think that was the smartest thing he's ever said... The bickering stopped and I watched Dave get a look of horror in his eyes.
"Whoops. Gotta go!" he cried as he fled from the lounge, chased by a yelling Nina and Tera. I sighed and thanked Hyne that the area was semi empty. It's not really professional to beat up co-workers in front of customers....
So there I was, left standing by the bar all alone. I checked my watch, my shift officially starts in about..
5...4....3......2....1.
Ah, there we go. I picked up a tray and looked around. I hope they all get back soon before they get busted for chasing each other around the hotel...
The night started off the same as yesterday. Pretty slow...
Nina, Tera and Dave got yelled at by the hotel manager for causing a disruption in the lobby. I felt kind of bad for them, but I kind of wished I was there... Probably was a funny little scene...
Dylan DID show up, late mind you, but he came. He just kept smiling and boasting about how he had a date with Angela next Friday. Tera bursted his bubble though by commenting on how the girl probably said yes so he'd stop hanging off of her.
Maybe secretly, she's a little jealous... I hear Tera had had a thing for Dylan a little while ago, but nothing came to pass. I never asked her about it though..... If she's anything like me, she'd probably rather not talk about it...
I was just heading back towards the bar after handing out about six coolers to this group of giggling college students when the place broke out into applause. Looking around in confusion, I noticed a woman clad in blue silk come gliding down the stairs.
It was Angela of course. Her dress was stunning, and I couldn't help but wonder if her family was wealthy considering how much it probably cost.
Her face sort of flushed as she bowed when she reached the piano. At least she's not letting all this popularity go to her head....
I continued my walk to the bar and leaned against it. Now that she's going to start playing, I'll have a little break from serving drinks... Everyone just seems to get totally absorbed in her music...
"I'm going out with her." Dylan announced triumphantly. He scared me half to death just popping up out of no where like that.
I rolled my eyes grinned, "That's the hundredth time you've said that in the passed two hours.."
He smiled, "I know, but I just don't seem to get sick of saying it."
I shook my head and looked back to the grand piano. She took a deep breath and set her fingers to the ivory keys.
Her song...
I felt my heart ache a little. It was just the tone of her music, the sound...the feeling it emitted.
An incredible sense of longing throbbed in my heart....
I kind of turned my face downwards... I didn't want to cry in front of room full of people.. but I still felt my throat choke up, and salty tears spring to my eyes.
.......I wish Squall was here......
To share this with me....
..I've really gotta stop thinking like that. I should embrace the future, and not look back....
.....Screw that!! I don't want to be alone for the future.. I want to face it all with someone. I want to share all the pain, the laughter, the smiles, the tears... I don't want to bear it all alone.
I don't want to be alone... I don't want to be alone!!!
The phrase repeated itself in my head, and gradually got so loud I was practically screaming inside. Feeling a slight touch on my shoulder, the shouting in my head stopped... the moment disappeared.
"..I know her music's great and all, but you don't have to look like it's killing you.."
I looked at him, "... Sorry."
"What for?"
I shook my head, "Nothing. Never mind.." He raised an eyebrow and grinned.
"You are really odd sometimes you know."
I nodded and forced a smile, "..Yeah. I know..." Just as I was turning to look back to Angela, I got this really creepy feeling. The feeling like someone was watching me.. I glanced around the large room, but I found no one even looking in my general direction...
I shivered....
"See you guys later!" Dylan smiled as he walked up the stairs. Tera, Nina and I all smiled and giggled as he winked at Angela, who was still sitting at the piano. She smiled and waved at him.
"What a lady killer.." I joked.
"Yeah, that's what we should be afraid of." the blue eyed girl muttered scornfully. Nina elbowed her in the ribs.
"Why are you on his case tonight? Give the guy a break...."
I watched Tera's features soften and she shook her head, "I know...... Sorry." Nina smiled and gave her a hug.
"There ya go!" The taller brown haired girl grinned slightly and patted Nina's back.
I went behind the bar and set my tray on one of the shelves. The place was closing up so there was no use in having it with me anymore.
I was about turn away and get started on gathering up the empty glasses and bottles when I heard chuckling. I peered over the counter to see Nina and Tera whispering.
"What's with the jacket?"
"..I don't know but he sure is gorg----"
"What are you two doing..?" I asked standing up. I seemed to have startled them because they both jumped. A hint of red on their faces.
Nina looked around slightly and leaned over, "Some strange guy's staring at you..And he's kinda cute!"
My eyes widened a little and I tried to non-chalantely glance around.
"Don't look!!" she cried in a hushed voice. I furrowed my brows and gave her a crooked stare.
And Dylan said I was odd....
She stepped back and looked around again. I shook my head and turned to the back counter. I picked up some empty bottles that the 'Casanova' forgot throw away before he left.
"You know you guys..." I said over my shoulder, ".You ARE weird some-" I caught sight of Nina out of the corner of my eye. She was gazing up at something with this look of awe on her face.
What the-?
I turned around to be faced with a familiar visage.. Those eyes staring into mine..
"Squall?!" I cried dropping the bottles. They fell to the carpeted floor with a soft thud.
"...Can I talk to you..? Outside...." he asked. There was a little bead of sweat on his brow..
He looks kinda... nervous?
I kind of nodded absently, "S-Sure.... Just give me a minute.." I finished as I snatched up my coat and purse from the bottom shelf.
I pulled them on as I walked out from in behind the bar.
"...Shall we go?" he asked stepping out of my path. I nodded and walked ahead.
As we ascended the stairs I shot back a quick glance to Nina and Tera. Tera was still standing there staring, and Nina smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I felt my face flush, then I turned away.
The night air was cool and refreshing as Squall and I walked down the wind blown streets of Deling.
He had his hands in is pockets, and was looking at the ground. I gripped my purse strap and swallowed hard.
What does he want to talk to me about..?
We came to junction. He glanced at me shook and motioned to the path.
"This way..."
I followed.
We ended up in the park. Not another soul in sight....
I stopped and gazed around at the quiet scenery. Squall walked passed me and up to the edge of the water.
I took a deep breath and walked up to his side.
"So...." I began. My heart was thundering in my chest, "Where've you been?"
He shrugged, "Walking around..... Thinking mostly.."
I nodded, "I'm glad you were able to.. Do you feel any better?"
He nodded and kicked a stone into the moonlit waters, "..A little."
"....Were you able to find the answers you were looking for?"
He looked up at the sky and smirked, "....Yes."
"....So... What did you want to talk about.?" I asked carefully sitting down on the grass.
I took off my heels and set them beside me.. My feet were killing me..
Squall took a seat beside me, our shoulders touching...
"..I was at your work tonight.."
I blushed a little and nodded, "I thought you were just there for the last little bit?"
He shook his head.
"How come you were there..?" I asked clasping my hands in my lap.
There was a delayed answer, "..I....wanted to see you.."
My heart pounded more and more....
"... Like I said.. I've been thinking ever since I stepped foot out of your apartment.."
He shifted slightly and brushed back his hair, "..... I think I know what was wrong.."
I smiled, "Really? I'm glad...."
"Yeah well.... I'm pretty slow.."
I raised an eyebrow and looked at him, "What do you mean..?" He reached into his pocket and after a moment or so, pulled out shimmering little circular object.
I recognized the lion engravement... His ring.
"Just before I left... I spoke to Rinoa..." he looked at the ring, "... She said that she figured I'd be going, and handed me back my ring.... I didn't know why she was doing it, but she said it was for the best.... and that if I follow my heart, she's sure I'll find what I'm looking for... I asked her what she meant, but she just shook her said I had to figure it out on my own....
So a little later, I left. And I realized that she had just broken up with me. I had no clue why..."
I sighed and shook my head, "I'm so sorry Squall...."
"..It's alright."
"Huh..?"
"I'm not finished yet.." he said with a little grin as he looked out over the water. A soft breeze blew around us, and I suddenly felt a little tug on my memory. This is the same atmosphere as the party... when I had that fight with him...
I gulped, I hoped that this evening wouldn't end the same as it had then....
"..Like I was saying..." he continued, "..But.. I think I know now...."
He gazed at the ring, his features softened, "..She such an intuitive girl.... She knew even before I did..."
I furrowed my brows.. What's he talking about?
"When I saw you the first night I came here, I was really relieved.... There was something else though, but I just shoved it aside and ignored it. I got the strange feeling again. The one that I had followed that ended me up where you found me that night..."
I licked my lips and clasped my hands tighter. No words can describe how nervous I was..
".... Then, after I finished changing this morning and came out, I saw you in the kitchen humming.... That feeling from the night before last creeped up again... It was soothing...."
He shifted so he was sitting facing me.
"..That day you left on the train, I was trying to avoid saying good-bye.. It wasn't because of the fight.."
I sighed and looked at him, "Really?"
"Yeah.... I was afraid to say good-bye to you, because if I did, it would feel more final that you were leaving......
But, after I heard you had already taken the car and headed toward Balamb.. I panicked, because I realized that no matter what, you were going away. I got in one of the cars and took off after you...
When I got to the station though, you were already on the train...."
I nodded recalling that day. The hurt look in his eyes....
"..I felt horrible, because I was so rude to you, though the problem was with me... I guess I took it out on you..."
I shook my head, "That was a long time ago..... It's doesn't matter.."
He continued on not regarding my words, ".. For the following months, I...." he cringed a little, "..moped.... around the Garden."
Squall moping?
".. I wanted to call and apologize, but I couldn't do it...... So I just buried it, and continued on with my life....
.. Without really knowing it, I slowly started to withdraw from everyone and everything again.."
..Just like Rinoa had said......
"... There was this.... I don't know, ache. I didn't know what it was, or why it was there but I tried to ignore it....
After a while, I just couldn't concentrate or think properly...... That pretty much leads up to what I told you earlier today..... And I know everyone wanted to help..... But I knew they couldn't.... There was only one person that could possibly-"
He kind of took a deep breath, "I want to apologize to you....... I've treated you like shit, shut you out when all you wanted was to help... I'm sorry.."
My eyes widened. I slowly placed my hand on his shoulder, "...It's alright... You have your reasons.."
He shook his head again, "It's not alright.... I still can't believe I treated you like that.... The person I-"
He stopped. My heart jumped in my chest...
"Rinoa was right, I did find what I was looking by following my heart...."
He took my hand gently, "..And it led me-" he placed the ring in it and closed my hand, "--to you."
My eyes stung suddenly with tears.. My breath came quicker..
"... I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out.... I just hope that you were willing to wait for me...." he smiled. He was trying to sound calm, but the look in his eyes said quite different. He looked so vulnerable.. so human. My heart ached...
He let go of my hand and I opened it up. The moon glinted off of the ring's metallic surface.
His ring..... The ring I've dreamt about.... It signified everything I longed for, and it was mine.. I realized Squall was still sitting there looking at me, nervously awaiting an answer.
I looked at him through blurry tear filled eyes. In one quick motion I threw my arms around him and started to cry into his shoulder, "I waited...." I sobbed, "I've always waited for you..."
I felt him put his arms around my quivering form.. It all felt like a dream...
I pulled back a little and sniffed. He smiled at me, took off his glove, and tenderly wiped my tears away.
"... But," I began, "What about Garden? I thought you talked to Cid the other day..?"
He looked surprised for a moment then shook his head, "I did...... To say that I was resigning.."
I took in a shape breath... That's what Rinoa meant by the thing she was surprised that he didn't tell me....
Everything, for once, is starting to make sense. I felt the clouds in front of my eyes vanish, I could see everything so
clearly..............
.............. That night that I had returned to Garden, when Rinoa said I wasn't supposed to be there, it was because she knew Squall would come looking for me.....
She asked me if I loved him because she knew he had the same feelings..
I gave a somewhat crooked grin...
She knew everything before we did...
Remembering what he had just said, I snapped out of my train of thought, "..W-Why did you quit...?"
".. I wise person told me once, that we follow a set path for a time in our life...." he brushed back a stray hair that had swept onto my face, "..and that once we've walked that path, we were free to live our life as we chose...."
I felt more tears caress my cheeks as I chuckled, "..Wow, they must be really wise.." I said smiling.
He nodded, "..The wisest I know..."
He leaned in closer, "...Quistis Trepe...You're all I really want..."
I smiled and leaned in too, ".. You're all I really want....Squall Leonhart..."
Under the light of the shining crescent moon, our hearts became one, sealed by a kiss that will forever be etched in my heart.......
I've found my new path.....
and all I've ever really wanted.
The End
Author's Note: *sniff* Just a little choked up is all. Can't believe that I actually finished! Oh man.... So what did you all think? I hoped you like it and before a say good-bye, I'd like to thank all the readers, and especially the reviewers...
You're kind and encouraging words helped me through this long and difficult process of writing..
Thank you everyone!!! *blows a big kiss*
So until we meet again, see you, and thank you! -_o ~Kelli