Title: Darkness Invades (1/1)
Author: Melissa
Email: princessbuffy79@hotmail.com
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Come on, if I owned any of these characters, would I be
begging anyone to please read my stories? Sadly, Buffy and co. are
owned by Joss, Mutant Enemy, 20th Century Fox, The WB, and whoever
else holds rights. I'm just borrowing them for my own twisted
pleasure for the moment. K.O.???
Summary: Angst and...well, just read it.
Spoilers: None really
Distribution: If you want it, go ahead. Just let me know where it's going.
Feedback: Feedback is good, very good.
I walk a fine line, the line between good and evil. But there is a huge expanse of gray between the two extremes. And now, I find myself drowning in that sea of gray. I can't see the good anymore. Sometimes, I wonder if I ever really did. I can't fight it anymore. I'm tired of trying. I close my eyes and want to give up. I have nothing left to give. It's just too hard. There is a tug-of-war deep inside me and it's tearing me apart. Please make it stop. Let me go! There is nothing left for me to fight for.
I glance around at the ruined building around me. Debris is all that remains of this small town. The bodies of my fallen friends surround me. I choke back a sob, struggling to keep my sanity. I'm holding on to it by a thread. A very thin, unraveling thread. One by one, they had been struck down. I couldn't protect them. They gave their lives to help me. And I couldn't save them.
One by one, I lost both my friends and my family. With them, I lost my reason for living. God! Why did HE spare me? I know the answer. He wants me to suffer. To drive me crazy. Well, it's working. I can feel the madness eat away at my mind. The pain is excruciating, but I deserve it. I deserve what I get.
I can't hold myself up anymore and I collapse into a sorry mess on the ground. I notice Xander's fallen form and the tears fall freely. He had been so brave. I had been so stupid. If I had only noticed him sooner, then none of this would have happened. Giles, Mom, Willow, Tara, Dawn…they'd still be alive. And Xander? Maybe we would've had a chance to be happy.
I roll Xander's body over and sit here, cradling his head in my lap. I run my fingers through his hair and try to ignore the gaping wound in his stomach. I had tried to stop the blood by tying a shirt tightly around his waist. I don't know if it worked, but I'm too scared to find out. Not that it matters. Now it is too late. Xander is gone, and along with him, my heart.
I'm so tired, but I don't want to close my eyes. Each time I do, all I can see is that final battle. And Xander. He stood in front of me, mocking our tormentor. Our friends lay around us, soaking the ground with their blood. The emotional pain is so great, the physical pales in comparison. I can still see my beloved's face. He never gave up on me, on our love.
I can feel it inching closer, the ever-present darkness. It's getting closer. I want to give up, give in to the darkness. Let it consume me. If I don't, I will surely go mad. But I don't have the strength or the will to fight. My injuries are many, but the Slayer-healing is already at work. HE never meant to kill me, not yet anyway. Instead, he went after my reason to fight, my reason to live. Now I am truly alone.
I look down at Xander. He looks so peaceful, like he's asleep. He reminds me of a child. I can almost pretend we are at home and I am watching him sleep. Our relationship is so new. Everything about him fascinates me. The way his hair curls under when it grows longer. How he talks in his sleep. The way his eyes light up when he gets excited. Now I'll never know what it is like to grow old with him. I was so excited this morning. We were going to go on a little trip together tomorrow. He had told me that I needed a break, a congratulations for getting good grades this semester. He had been so proud of me. I wanted to make him proud.
I look down at his face once more. My face is soaked with tears. I can taste the salt as the tears mix with blood. Whose blood, I'm not sure. Looking at Xander, I can almost see his chest move. Maybe, if I want it bad enough. I just want to be able to say good-bye. I want…
"Buffy"
I almost don't hear him. I can't bring myself to look at him. I must be hearing things. I squeeze my eyes tight, trying to block out the voices in my head.
I can't ignore the hand that grabs mine, gently squeezing. I can't breathe. I'm too afraid to hope. Slowly, I open my eyes and look down. My heart leaps into my throat. He's looking back at me. His beautiful brown eyes are filled with sorrow and concern.
"Xander!" I exhale. I can feel the darkness fading into the background. It cannot beat me, not today.
"Hey," he whispered. He begins to cough and the sound rips at my soul. He's hurt pretty badly. I know he needs medical attention. Soon.
"You're hurt. We have to get you to the hospital."
"Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound." I laugh slightly; the sound takes me by surprise. I never thought I would be able to laugh again. I can hear sirens in the distance, drawing closer with each passing second. They sound like music to my ears. I silently urge them to hurry.
"Did we win?" Xander's question breaks into my thoughts. He winces as I check his wound. The bleeding has stopped and his breathing is stable. I nod my head in response, not knowing what to say.
"Anya?"
"Shhh," I try to soothe him. I know I can't lie to him. "Willow and Tara sacrificed themselves, but they took Anya along for the ride."
"Angelus?"
"Stake through the heart," I shudder at the memory of the massacre our former loves had caused. It's going to be tough, but I believe we can rebuild what is left of our shattered lives. I at least have Xander.
The darkness screams, knowing it has lost once again. I take a deep breath and prepare to fight once more. I haven't come this far just to give up.
"You okay?" Xander sounds weary.
"No," I answer honestly. I can see the worry in his eyes and I want to reassure him. "But I will be," I promise him.
He rests in my arms and I realize those words hold the truth. Together, Xander and I can do anything. Even overcome tragedy as great as this. An ambulance races into the lot, siren wailing. I give Xander a gentle squeeze.
"WE will be."