The Fine Art of Falling (in Love):
Chapter 2: Music and Revelations
A/N: I had to have a description of a punk gig in one of my stories, since they're such fun, it fitted nicely here. See what you think.
**
That was how Harry found himself standing in what Ben told him was one of the nicer music venues in London, surrounded by people who had hair in all colours of the rainbow, and waiting for the first band to come on. It was dark and smoky, and smelt of things he could only half identify, sweat and stale beer and weed.
Harry looked at the place with undisguised mistrust. "I really don't think this is my sort of thing, Ben, I don't mind the music, but..." he trailed off.
"Relax and enjoy it, Harry, you need to go out and have some fun. We'll see some bands, chat some people up, and just relax. You should do it more often."
Harry paused for a moment to form his answer, and to watch a guy with a very tall mohawk go up to the bar."
"Do you think he's cute?" asked Ben, noticing his interest. Harry couldn't tell if he was being serious or not.
"No, it's just...his hair! I was wondering how he gets it like that. How do you think he sleeps with hair like that?"
"Why don't you go and ask him?"
"No way!"
"Why not? Come on, Harry, this is a punk gig. Hair like that is pretty normal."
"I know, I can see, I just can't quite believe it. "
"Well, believe, Harry. Welcome to the world of punk. We'll have you moshing and skanking like a regular in no time at all. The first band's just setting up, let's go and have a look."
They watched the band, which had trumpets and a trombone, and which Ben said was 'ska punk' whatever that was. The music was very fast and upbeat, not what Harry had been expecting. They watched from a little way back, not amongst the fans who were dancing in front of the stage, if you could call it dancing. It seemed to consist mainly of throwing yourself around and bashing into the person next to you as hard as possible. A few people were kicking their legs up in time to the music, and swinging their arms. In a break between songs, Ben explained that the people in front of them, were 'moshing' and 'skanking'. "We'll wait until the main band is on" he said.
"I don't know if I want to do that." said Harry, but the band had started up again, and Ben didn't hear him.
They stood back for the second band as well, but when before the third, Ben pulled Harry further forward, and said "We have to mosh for this one, they're really good. They're the last band, I'm pretty sure you'll like them. Don't worry about it, you'll be fine."
The band started before Harry could protest. Guitars pounding and the heart wrenching voice of the singer came from the speakers, as if they would take over the world. The crowd pushed forwards, and Harry was pulled away from Ben, trying to avoid the flailing elbows. He panicked, he couldn't see his friend, and he didn't think he'd be able to find him in the mass of people.
He began to move with the music, it made it easier to avoid hitting people, although that was difficult, since he was crammed together with everyone else. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. It was friendly, somehow, as if he was sharing the experience with everyone around him. He worried about Ben, though, he didn't know where he was.
The band went into a new song. Harry couldn't hear the words, but he could hear the anger and desperation in them. Suddenly something made sense to him. Whoever had written the song understood what he was feeling now.
He wanted to find Ben because he liked seeing him, and he didn't like feeling like this.
He liked Ben. He missed Ben.
He was attracted to Ben.
Damn. Not again.
Harry let the crowd sway him forward, hardly able to believe what he had just realised. He was attracted to another guy. To his friend. It had happened before, but he had always managed to hide it under a veil of aggression, of hate. An image of blond hair and a mocking smile was all he could see for a moment, then his vision cleared.
He fought his way out of the crowd and watched the rest of the gig from further back, where people were watching, not just dancing. He felt alone, as if this realisation meant he could no longer be friends with Ben.
He found Ben when the music had finished. He looked hot and sweaty, and Harry realised, even more attractive. He could only nod when Ben asked him if he had enjoyed himself, and they wandered out together into the night to find Ben's father, and the way home.
***
It was now or never. If he didn't own up to his feelings today, right now, he never would, then he'd be left with a feeling of regret all his life. Harry had decided that this was the best thing to do, to clear the air. It had been a few weeks since the gig, and he still felt uncomfortable. He took a deep breath and let it out, letting the slow motion calm him and stop his instinctually nervous response.
He couldn't tell him here. There were too many people around. Luckily the weather had cleared up, so he invited Ben out for a walk by the lake. He wasn't sure if they were actually allowed out there at the moment, but it would be more private than the Griffindor tower.
They walked for a while, chatting about inconsequential things, then they both stopped by the edge of the lake, on a stony patch of ground, where the water came almost to their feet. Harry decided that now was a good a time as any.
"Ben, I wanted to talk to you about something."
"Sure, about what?"
"Well, I've been.. I mean I think I ... err.." he'd had this so well worked out, but now it sounded stupid, and he couldn't find the words. He looked up at Ben and saw the other boy looking at him with a worried look on his face.
"Umm, Harry, before you say anything, there's something I have to say first. I don't tell many people this, but I think I should tell you. You see, my background isn't pure wizard."
"I don't care about that." interrupted Harry, but Ben continued.
"I'm not saying that I've got muggle blood, I've got some Veela blood in me." Harry looked at him, wondering where this was heading. "That means that quite often I get people becoming attracted to me more than they would usually."
Harry sighed with relief, or something less straightforward "So the feelings I've had for you aren't real, then? I'm not gay or anything?"
"Actually, Harry, the Veela part of me only magnifies feelings, it doesn't invent them. I couldn't have made you gay Harry, you had the possibility of being attracted to guys there in the first place, I was just one of them. I told you this because I thought you might want to tell me that you liked me, and I didn't want you to be too offended that I don't feel that way about you. You're a great mate, Harry, and a brilliant guy, but there's a girl I'm seeing in Beauxbatons. She's not here, she got sent to Durmstrong, most of my friends got sent there."
Harry nodded, his eyes scanning the lake rather than looking at Ben. "What's her name?"
"Claire." Harry nodded again, still not looking in Ben's direction "Don't feel bad about your sexuality, Harry, it's not like it's anything to be ashamed of. So, you like guys? So what?"
"I suppose so" said Harry, turning back to Ben.
"There must have been someone else. Before me, I mean." Ben watched as Harry threw a stone into the lake, and stared at the ripples it made that spread out and came lapping at the shore.
"There kind of was. Well, kind of is. He's..." He stopped and sighed, shaking his head, and picking up another stone. "Doesn't matter."
"Come on, Harry, I've just told you all about my life, you owe me one. I won't tell anyone, promise."
"Cross your heart?"
"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye, pull it out and eat it." Ben intoned, mock solemnly. "I won't tell Harry."
"You'd better not. I got really good at curses last year, and I'll try them all out on you if you do. You see, it's" he lowered his voice "Draco Malfoy"
Harry looked up at Ben, and was surprised that he didn't look too surprised. "What's wrong with Draco?" he asked "he's cute"
"You obviously haven't spent more than five minutes around him. He's arrogant, his parents are Death eaters, and he hates me."
"Maybe, but I can't help thinking that perhaps he's not that bad."
"What are you talking about? He hates muggles and people with muggle blood! The guy's basically a death eater himself!"
"I'm not saying he's not, I'm just saying to look at it from his point of view for a bit. He's been told all his life that muggles are beneath him, you were brought up as one. You can't expect him to go against what he's been taught if no one teaches him any different. I'm not saying that you could definitely change him or anything, I'm just saying not to write him off. He hasn't actually joined the death eaters yet, has he?"
"No, but his father's one of their major supporters. I heard him talking about muggle torture as if it were a sport! I want him to be able to change, but I don't know if he'll be able to. I wish I could believe that he was so different from his father, but from what I know about him, I don't think he is."
"Watch him more closely, Harry. You've been looking at him and thinking of all the years of fights and anger and stuff you've had between you. Have another look. No one's that bad, believe me Harry. If he's really that nasty, then he must have a good reason for it. He's been perfectly alright to me. Yes, I agree, he seems to go out of his way to annoy you, but perhaps that's just to hide something else."
"Something else? You mean something worse?"
"I was thinking that he might be attracted to you, but just didn't want to admit it."
Harry stared at him, not able to believe what he had just heard. "Attracted to me? Are you crazy?!"