DISCLAIMER: All recognizable characters belong to Tamora Pierce and are used here without permission for no personal gain.
Part 4: Home
When I look into a mirror, I wonder if I will ever be who I truly am. To most I am Count Isas fer Yorvan's only daughter, Madigan fa Yorvan. Even my brothers and father know only this version of me. My father is like a walking ghost, and my brothers are both completely wrapped up in their own lives, leaving me to live my own alone.
I am an interesting mix of my mother and father. I have an affinity for plants, although it is more muted than Nik's or, I think, Alba's. I am like my mother was when she was a girl: an active, energetic tomboy. I have her spirit and temper.
However, there is a lot of my father in me. Or perhaps it is not his influence as much as it is Yorvan itself's. This place is my home, and I embrace it more fully than my brothers. Even my father rejects it because this is where my mother died. I alone can drink in the land and the sky and let it soak into my. Only I look at the beauty of this place and know that forever and always I am home.
I am the only one who wants to be the count. Alba does it because he must, and Nik would rather do anything else. But I truly want to rule this land. I have a head for mathematics, and I love to pour over my father's record books. But more importantly, I love this land more than either of them ever could.
But of course, I was born a girl. It doesn't seem fair that Alba should have to be count even though he doesn't want to be and I can't be count even though that is all I want to be simply because I wasn't a boy. An accident of birth, that's all it is.
My father has never stopped grieving for my mother long enough to notice this, though, and as for Alba, he would never do anything that he thought might hurt our family. Alba is the ultimate older brother. He has tried to care for and protect the family since before our mother died. But even his supreme loyalty and dedication to his family cannot make him as good a count as I would be. For him it would only be duty, but for me it is my dearest wish.
I was thinking these thoughts while brushing my long brown hair in front of my mirror when my father slowly made his way up the stairs and knocked on the door.
"Come in."
I expected it to be Alba, so I was surprised to see my frail father at at the door. "Father, are you all right?" I asked as I ran to help him into the room.
Leaning on my arm, he slowly made his way to my bed and sat down on the edge of it while motioning for me to do the same.
"I wanted to talk to you about your future," he said, pausing as though he wanted to choose his words carefully.
"You probably think that I have not noticed much these past years, and you would be correct. I have lived in my grief for your mother...I missed parts of your life, and I regret that now. I look and see that Albannon is a man, Nikolai is going off to Winding Circle, and you are a woman. And I know...I know that all of you are unhappy with your lots. I know that. But I don't know what to do except..." He took a deep breath. "You know that I cannot make you my heir...the other counts would never accept that...but I will promise you that you will never need to marry unless you want to. You can remain here and rule with your brother...he will need your wisdom..."
I was touched by my father's words. He had given me my dearest wish--I could remain in Yorvan. I would never have to leave my home. But more importantly, my father had not been blind to me all of these years. He had noticed me. He did love me.
I wrapped my arms around his thin body. "I love you, Father. Thank you."
"I love you too, Madi," he whispered.
I pulled away. He looked so tired. "Come, Father. You should rest."
"Yes, now it's time to rest," he mumbled.
I slowly led him out of my room and into his own. He looked so thin and old, but strangely calm. His eyes were not haunted and weary, but simply tired, as though he needed to rest.
"Yes, it's time to rest now," he whispered again as he lay down.
His words sent a chill down my spine. "I'll be back Father," I promised as I backed out of the room. Then I ran for my brothers. I wasn't sure how, but somehow I could tell that our father was dying.
Part 4: Home
When I look into a mirror, I wonder if I will ever be who I truly am. To most I am Count Isas fer Yorvan's only daughter, Madigan fa Yorvan. Even my brothers and father know only this version of me. My father is like a walking ghost, and my brothers are both completely wrapped up in their own lives, leaving me to live my own alone.
I am an interesting mix of my mother and father. I have an affinity for plants, although it is more muted than Nik's or, I think, Alba's. I am like my mother was when she was a girl: an active, energetic tomboy. I have her spirit and temper.
However, there is a lot of my father in me. Or perhaps it is not his influence as much as it is Yorvan itself's. This place is my home, and I embrace it more fully than my brothers. Even my father rejects it because this is where my mother died. I alone can drink in the land and the sky and let it soak into my. Only I look at the beauty of this place and know that forever and always I am home.
I am the only one who wants to be the count. Alba does it because he must, and Nik would rather do anything else. But I truly want to rule this land. I have a head for mathematics, and I love to pour over my father's record books. But more importantly, I love this land more than either of them ever could.
But of course, I was born a girl. It doesn't seem fair that Alba should have to be count even though he doesn't want to be and I can't be count even though that is all I want to be simply because I wasn't a boy. An accident of birth, that's all it is.
My father has never stopped grieving for my mother long enough to notice this, though, and as for Alba, he would never do anything that he thought might hurt our family. Alba is the ultimate older brother. He has tried to care for and protect the family since before our mother died. But even his supreme loyalty and dedication to his family cannot make him as good a count as I would be. For him it would only be duty, but for me it is my dearest wish.
I was thinking these thoughts while brushing my long brown hair in front of my mirror when my father slowly made his way up the stairs and knocked on the door.
"Come in."
I expected it to be Alba, so I was surprised to see my frail father at at the door. "Father, are you all right?" I asked as I ran to help him into the room.
Leaning on my arm, he slowly made his way to my bed and sat down on the edge of it while motioning for me to do the same.
"I wanted to talk to you about your future," he said, pausing as though he wanted to choose his words carefully.
"You probably think that I have not noticed much these past years, and you would be correct. I have lived in my grief for your mother...I missed parts of your life, and I regret that now. I look and see that Albannon is a man, Nikolai is going off to Winding Circle, and you are a woman. And I know...I know that all of you are unhappy with your lots. I know that. But I don't know what to do except..." He took a deep breath. "You know that I cannot make you my heir...the other counts would never accept that...but I will promise you that you will never need to marry unless you want to. You can remain here and rule with your brother...he will need your wisdom..."
I was touched by my father's words. He had given me my dearest wish--I could remain in Yorvan. I would never have to leave my home. But more importantly, my father had not been blind to me all of these years. He had noticed me. He did love me.
I wrapped my arms around his thin body. "I love you, Father. Thank you."
"I love you too, Madi," he whispered.
I pulled away. He looked so tired. "Come, Father. You should rest."
"Yes, now it's time to rest," he mumbled.
I slowly led him out of my room and into his own. He looked so thin and old, but strangely calm. His eyes were not haunted and weary, but simply tired, as though he needed to rest.
"Yes, it's time to rest now," he whispered again as he lay down.
His words sent a chill down my spine. "I'll be back Father," I promised as I backed out of the room. Then I ran for my brothers. I wasn't sure how, but somehow I could tell that our father was dying.