warning, this part has some...... interesting subjects in it. if you don't like reading about suicide (if only briefly) skip this part, I swear it won't be absolutely essential to the rest of the series. again, warning for dark subjects! read at your own risk.
She awoke slowly, wondering at why she was in someone's arms. Then the events of the night before came back to her in a flash. She allowed her self a small smile as she snuggled back into Logan's embrace. But she didn't know that he was already awake, and f she had seen his face, she would have bolted outta there in 2 seconds flat.
"Marie," his voice startled her. "We need to talk about something," Logan's voice held the tone that warned that there was no way around the discussion.
"'Bout what, sugar?" She asked in her sweet southern lilt. Logan turned her to face him as he lifted her arms to eyelevel.
"'Bout this," he traced the scars on her wrists and arms. She violently turned away from him.
"Go ahead, Logan," her voice was pure poison. "Go ahead and tell me that I need help. Tell me that I am a sick fuck and all I need is a little talking to get rid of my "mental problems," Go ahead and tell me that everything will be alright," by now, her shoulders were shaking with emotion. He just looked at her as her bitter voice began where she left off, "Tell me that there are so many people that care. Just fucking say it. Say that I need help, and that death isn't the way out. Everyone else did. "It's alright Rogue,"" she began to mimic the other X-Men's words. ""Let us Help You," "Just tell us about it, things will get better," they said. The don't know me. Just say it Logan." she was sobbing dryly as she made her statements. "Tell me how fucked up I am, just tell me God damnit Logan," All he did was to move closer and take her in his arms again as she kept telling him to say what the others had said, her voice muffled against his chest.
"Wanna tell me why?" he asked gently, knowing how she felt without knowing. She just kept shaking in his arms, and he let her get rid of her pent up emotions as she screamed curses at him.
"They told me that I would get over it," She finally whispered. "But i never have, never will. They said that You and Eric and Carol would leave me alone eventually," unshed tears made her eyes bright. "But Carol was a madwoman, ranting and raving inside my head about how she would kill me, how she would make me kill myself. But it wasn't her will that made me, it was my own, totally my own." The whispers suddenly grew bolder as she approached her next statement " You didn't want me to, said that I shouldn't, that you would protect me," she laughed bitterly "But what use are you in my mind when you can't physically keep me from the knife?" She asked to no one in particular, lost in a reverie. "I missed you so much, thought that maybe if i got hurt, you would come back. But after a month, i figured that there was no way you could know what happened, especially since Scott blamed you for my mental state." she said that last part almost thoughtfully. "But you didn't do it, you tried to make me stop. I did it for a month in here," she was whispering again. "It was weird, seeing the blood in the sink, washing it away, i felt free. Then your personality got the better of me after a month of shutting you away, and plus, Xavier made me get help," her tone was becoming bitter again as tears made tracks down her pale face. "I s'pose that it helped, but it wasn't pleasant, even if she meant well. The only good that came out of it was that I learned to shut out the separate personalities. You haven't told me that I will be all right, Logan," Marie noted his silence.
"I don't plan on it, Darlin'" Logan said, his voice raw and coarse with emotion. "Besides, I shoulda been there for ya," Marie looked at him with those big, shining eyes, and snuggled closer, whispering "You're here for me now, sugar, and that's all that matters."
She awoke slowly, wondering at why she was in someone's arms. Then the events of the night before came back to her in a flash. She allowed her self a small smile as she snuggled back into Logan's embrace. But she didn't know that he was already awake, and f she had seen his face, she would have bolted outta there in 2 seconds flat.
"Marie," his voice startled her. "We need to talk about something," Logan's voice held the tone that warned that there was no way around the discussion.
"'Bout what, sugar?" She asked in her sweet southern lilt. Logan turned her to face him as he lifted her arms to eyelevel.
"'Bout this," he traced the scars on her wrists and arms. She violently turned away from him.
"Go ahead, Logan," her voice was pure poison. "Go ahead and tell me that I need help. Tell me that I am a sick fuck and all I need is a little talking to get rid of my "mental problems," Go ahead and tell me that everything will be alright," by now, her shoulders were shaking with emotion. He just looked at her as her bitter voice began where she left off, "Tell me that there are so many people that care. Just fucking say it. Say that I need help, and that death isn't the way out. Everyone else did. "It's alright Rogue,"" she began to mimic the other X-Men's words. ""Let us Help You," "Just tell us about it, things will get better," they said. The don't know me. Just say it Logan." she was sobbing dryly as she made her statements. "Tell me how fucked up I am, just tell me God damnit Logan," All he did was to move closer and take her in his arms again as she kept telling him to say what the others had said, her voice muffled against his chest.
"Wanna tell me why?" he asked gently, knowing how she felt without knowing. She just kept shaking in his arms, and he let her get rid of her pent up emotions as she screamed curses at him.
"They told me that I would get over it," She finally whispered. "But i never have, never will. They said that You and Eric and Carol would leave me alone eventually," unshed tears made her eyes bright. "But Carol was a madwoman, ranting and raving inside my head about how she would kill me, how she would make me kill myself. But it wasn't her will that made me, it was my own, totally my own." The whispers suddenly grew bolder as she approached her next statement " You didn't want me to, said that I shouldn't, that you would protect me," she laughed bitterly "But what use are you in my mind when you can't physically keep me from the knife?" She asked to no one in particular, lost in a reverie. "I missed you so much, thought that maybe if i got hurt, you would come back. But after a month, i figured that there was no way you could know what happened, especially since Scott blamed you for my mental state." she said that last part almost thoughtfully. "But you didn't do it, you tried to make me stop. I did it for a month in here," she was whispering again. "It was weird, seeing the blood in the sink, washing it away, i felt free. Then your personality got the better of me after a month of shutting you away, and plus, Xavier made me get help," her tone was becoming bitter again as tears made tracks down her pale face. "I s'pose that it helped, but it wasn't pleasant, even if she meant well. The only good that came out of it was that I learned to shut out the separate personalities. You haven't told me that I will be all right, Logan," Marie noted his silence.
"I don't plan on it, Darlin'" Logan said, his voice raw and coarse with emotion. "Besides, I shoulda been there for ya," Marie looked at him with those big, shining eyes, and snuggled closer, whispering "You're here for me now, sugar, and that's all that matters."