Trigger warnings: mentions of drug usage, death, mentions of suicide
Spoiler Warnings for Dabi's history as canon with manga chapter 350

Hoo boy, chapter 70 and it's been a whole year since I started writing this story. This has to be some kinda milestone. I don't know. Anyway, thank you for sticking with me for so long, it means the world, new followers and old alike. Thank you. Reading your comments and such gives me life.

Song suggestions are as follows: Cross My Heart by Fabvl, Insane by Black Gryph0n and Baasik, Killer by The Ready Set, Hawk in the Night by Madds Buckley
All song suggestions are under the Short Temper playlist by Luna Sylvies on Spotify

Enjoy!

"Where exactly are we going?" Leinei huffs, her voice slightly distorted under her mask as she and Dabi slip down alley ways to avoid the general public. They'd gone a good distance away from where the meeting was being held, having taken a subway and a bus to get where they were in this rundown part of some town she didn't know existed. She'd asked that question at least ten times before, each time getting silence in return.

I wish Keigo had come along…

Her stomach was in knots as they left the alley they were in, Dabi leading her past a few people in tents, some ducking into rundown buildings to avoid them. It was deathly silent, almost eerie with the way the others were watching them with bated breath. She looks at each of them with pity, feeling heavy with each of their terror, their pain, their want for death. She stops, seeing one violently seizing on the ground, a needle sticking out of a festering, putrid smelling hole just underneath the inside of their elbow, and makes to go to help them, her training kicking in. Dabi grabs her wrist, not looking at her as he continues to drag her forward away from the dying addict. She wanted to protest, but something kept telling her not to.

"I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't recognize any of this," he remarks as they turn a corner and head towards a decrepit house. Spray paint coated the outside in nondescript symbols and letters. The weeds had started to break into the walls, sending cracks up into the foundation and starting to spiderweb the stone walls. The door was ajar, as if having been kicked in one too many times.

"Why would I?" she asks softly, her voice harsher than she had meant it to come out. He shrugs without looking back at her. With a shaking hand, she pushes her mask from over her face and lets it sit on her head as they walk inside the house. Trash and paraphernalia littered the floor, spots on the carpet that she hoped wasn't blood. The walls had been bashed in and torn apart, dead wires hanging out and pipes missing as he led her through the shell of a home. She feels so sick, the lingering emotions of people dying, getting high only to have a horrid experience, of abuse and terror that seemed to have ingrained themselves into each corner of this God forsaken house eating at her very being.

"After the fire I started at Sekoto Peak, I woke up in a facility," he tells her softly, having stopped in what seemed to be a bedroom. There was only a ratty mattress on the floor away from a boarded up window, springs sticking out of it in the middle. "I'd been asleep…maybe two or three years. My body rejected my quirk, and the good doctor found me and made me into this patchwork quilt you see today." He lets out a scoff like chuckle, his hands in his pockets as he lets his head hang. "I ran away from that damned place. Too bright, too happy. I just wanted my dad. So I did. Went right back home. Walked in, and saw…they'd replaced me with that golden bastard Shoto. They shoved every memory of me in a room, locked away as if I was some bad dream, a mistake. It was like I never existed. A shrine as to what not to become. I saw dear old Dad beat Shoto, who replaced me. The perfect quirk, perfect child to replace the bastard who should've never been born. Nothing had really changed."

Leinei is quiet as she listens to him, her hands in fists at her sides as he lifts his head and turns to face her. His sapphire eyes are blazing with hellfire, a half crazed smile tugging at his lips. Despite that smile, she felt nothing coming off him. No sense of mania, or passion, or hatred. He was devoid of emotion in that moment, and that's what scared her most.

"I was stupid enough to be upset. To be hurt they moved on so fast. Did they even look for me? Did they even mourn me? Or were they just relieved to be rid of the fucking failure Mommy Dearest couldn't bear to look at half the time?" He lets out a laugh, shaking his head as he takes a step towards her. On instinct, she takes one back, her legs shaking as he tilts his head. He studies her for a moment, before closing his eyes and letting his head fall back. "I know now that they really didn't care. But that's fine. I can make them care. They will care. I'll force them to remember me. And this time I won't let them forget so easily."

She didn't know how to respond, his voice low and terrifying even to her. He walks past her, rolling his eyes as she turns her body away from him as he walks out of the bedroom. She hesitates before following him out, seeing him kick a dirty needle to the side. It skitters across the ruined floors, until it catches on a risen slat and rolls forward an inch before stopping again.

"It's almost maddening how easy people can forget things," he tells her softly, his shoulders slumped. "How they can be so content in their regular lives they forget what it's like to struggle, to be scared every moment of the day they might not make it."

"You can't blame them for wanting to forget their pasts," she finally speaks up, her voice breaking a bit as he turns on his heel to face her. Her chest rises as she takes a deep breath, her fists tightening to keep them from shaking.

"No, I guess I can't. But in some cases, they should be grateful to forget. Like I'm sure you're glad you forgot this place."

"What are you talking about?" she demands, finally exasperated with his riddles. "I've never been here before. Never. Why do you keep talking as if I have?"

"Well, the doctor did say you were just a baby the last time you were here, so I guess you really wouldn't remember huh?" He laughs at her confused and scared expression, shaking his head. "You were the product of a quirk marriage, Lei. Just like me."

"No, I wasn't. You've really lost your shit now, Dabi, if you think I'm gonna believe that crap," she scoffs, rolling her eyes as she walks past him towards the door. "You met my entire family-"

"Reina's mom had a basic version of her quirk. Her dad had a speed quirk," he tells her, their backs to each other as she stops just before the door. "Nowhere in their family tree is a quirk anything like yours. You had to have known you weren't actually their kid. You look nothing like Reina."

"Keep her name out of your mouth."

"You were adopted out by the Commission, after they found you in this house with your real parents dead."

"No, I wasn't," she retorts, turning on her heel as he finally turns halfway around. "My parents-my parents died in a fucking freak car accident because of me. Because I thought you-Touya-was dead."

"Well, I guess having parents was never supposed to be in your cards. You killed both sets, biological and adopted."

"Shut up!"

"Your real parents' names were Keiko Ennui and Emes Ardor. They were drug addicts that the doctor got into rehab. They got clean, they had you. You were supposed to be a villain from the day you were born. You were supposed to be at the same damn facility I woke up at."

"Stop it. You're lying to me. This is all a fucking lie."

"All For One and Dr. Ujiko orchestrated your birth from the time they discovered your parents' quirks. One could weaponize emotions, the other could sense them. Put them together, and well...look at how far you've come. You were supposed to be a guard dog for whatever successor the old bastard chose." He stops talking for a moment, seeing the way her eyes were fixed at a point on the floor, tears rolling down her cheeks. "Hell, with how you are, you could've even been his successor. Jaded with the world, forsaken by friends and parents alike. Keiko and Emes only agreed to have you so they could pay for their rehab."

"Please stop…" she pleads almost pathetically, her voice soft.

"Why? Because you know on some level it's true?" He takes a breath, walking towards her as she lets out a soft sob. "You were six months old when Dr. Ujiko came to collect. He found your parents dead on the ground, and you sitting in a swing with those deadly purple eyes of yours. Of course, they'd already had a history of being addicts with a rap sheet, so it wasn't hard to make it look like an overdose. Unfortunately, the cops came before he could grab you and take off. That's how the Commission got their hands on you."

"And how do I know you're not lying?" she whispers, finally looking up at him. She seemed confused and exhausted. He smiles in return, raising an eyebrow.

"Easy. Ask Hawks."

Keigo fidgets as he stands in an alley nearby where Dabi and Leinei had boarded their initial train at. He didn't like that she hadn't checked in yet, having gotten her a new burner phone so that they could still communicate. He glances towards the station, praying in his head for some sign of them coming back.

He jumps as his phone goes off in his pocket, pulling it out and seeing the name he'd placed her burner phone under. Relief floods him, and he answers it, greeting her. She's quiet on the other end, and that made his stomach turn. Something's wrong.

"Hawks. I…need to ask you something."

"Yeah, what's up?" he replies, not liking the monotonous voice she had. His heart was jumping in his chest, and he felt dizzy and sick. "You okay?"

"...you knew Reina wasn't my actual sister, didn't you?" she asks. He lets out a soft gasp, clenching his eyes shut as he curses Dabi in his head. Of course he'd fucking know. "You knew my parents…weren't actually my parents."

"Ye...yeah, I did," he mumbles. She's deathly silent on the other end. "The Commission told me."

"...how long ago?"

"Right after Reina's funeral. When you were at school."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was placed under a gag order. Lei Bay, please, I wanted to tell you."

"...bye."

He curses as she hangs up, trying desperately to call her back. It goes straight to voicemail and he has to fight to strangle a scream of anger and heartbreak. He cursed the Commission, the President, Dabi, and himself. She didn't even give me a chance to explain…

Leinei pulls the mask down over her face as Dabi smirks behind her. From her demeanor, he knew Hawks confirmed everything he just told her. Not that he was lying. Dr. Ujiko filled him in right before they went off to fight Machia and he went on his little recruiting spree. She was their personal request, both from Ujiko and All For One, and for himself. Why would the good doctor need to lie?

"Come on, we have one more stop on our little walk," he tells her, placing his hand on her shoulder to start steering her away from the house that would've been her childhood home had she not been cursed from the moment she was born. She says nothing, letting him as they walk past the other homeless addicts lining the street. The same man she'd tried to help now lay dead on the ground, his eyes dull and foamy spit trickling from the corner of his mouth.

'I want to see you work.'

'Is that really necessary?'

'You have to prove yourself loyal to us. You did come from UA.'

'...fine. Did you have something in mind?'

'I have someone in mind, yes. The question is, do you have the ability to go through with it?'

'Go through with what?'

'Getting revenge on those who broke you.'

Their final stop was a familiar one, a place she'd only been once before. It was in Kamino, but a smaller building with fluorescent lighting illuminating the windows. The familiar visage of a portly man walks past one as Dabi opens the door and gestures for her to walk in. He closes it behind them, making sure to lock it and test the knob to make sure.

"I apologize but my office is closed for the weekend," the familiar voice of Dr. Gorlov calls as Leinei walks into the waiting room. He stops as he sees Dabi step in behind her, watching the burnt man walk over to the windows and close the blinds one by one. "I'm sorry, I don't believe we have an appointment, so you will have to leave."

"Oh, we don't need one. We won't be long."

"Ah well, the office is still closed-"

"Oh you can drop the kindly doctor bullshit," Leinei finally speaks up as Dabi finishes closing the blinds. Gorlov flinched at the familiar voice, narrowing his eyes and peeking through his glasses to study why the girl suddenly seemed so familiar to him. He let out a soft choking noise as he realized who it was, and why she might be there. He goes to reach for the panic button underneath his reception desk, only to lose all feeling in his arms and legs. He crumpled to the ground, panic settling in as he lost his sight as well. He could only hear the click of her heels as she strode behind the desk, each click getting louder, louder, louder until they finally stopped. He started hyperventilating, trying to shake his head and failing almost laughably as he let out garbled noises.

"You see, my little recruit here needs to prove her loyalty to our cause," Dabi speaks up as the doctor slowly regains his sight. The man sees Leinei lift her mask, seeing her familiar blue eyes bleed into purple. "And from what I understand, she wants to repay-"

"I want to repay all of the wonderful help you've given me over the years. Moment by moment, minute by minute, hour by grueling hour." Her voice is harsh, despite her wicked smile as she takes the mask off fully and sets it on the desk. "Without that, I probably wouldn't have discovered my…penchant for villain work. Seeing you work gave me ideas too, so I have to thank you for that. How do you like my new tricks? I found out if I just…target your emotion receptors, I can overload your nervous system."

Gorlov's mouth goes dry hearing her talk, dread and terror filling his stomach as he looks towards Dabi. The scarred man is just smirking, watching her turn back to the man laying on the floor. He flinches in twisted sympathy hearing her heel slam into his ribs, the sickening crack of one snapping as he howls in pain. She shushes him as she crouches down, his voice cutting out as she giggles.

Dabi wasn't sure to be impressed by the way she seemingly snapped, or concerned enough to bring it up to the good doctor upon their return. The more he watched, the more he realized she hadn't entirely snapped. She's calm. Her talking is coherent, her movements methodical. She's alternating between using her quirk to throw him inside his own head, to letting him feel every inch of her torture, to numbing him. He sobs, begging for her to stop, for forgiveness.

"Forgiveness?" she repeats, stopping for a moment to tilt her head and study him for a moment before a hysterical laugh bubbles from her lips. She throws her head back and stands up, turning on her heel to face Dabi. "Did you hear that? Forgiveness. Like he deserves it. How many others did you do the same shit you did to me?" she asks, staring over her shoulder at Gorlov now. When he doesn't answer her, still sobbing and whimpering, she turns back to him and slams her heel into the same rib she'd broken a few minutes earlier. He howls again, arching his back before trying to curl into a fetal position. "Fucking answer me, you stupid coward!"

"I-I had twenty other clients," he chokes out, shivering as her glare turns icy.

"Twenty. Twenty kids just like me," she clarifies. "Twenty children who needed help, not to relive those fucking moments and be told they're just horrible people. You're making them scared of their quirks, just like you did me. But guess what?" She crouches down, grabbing his neck and making him look up at her as her face is shadowed over. "I'm not scared anymore. And you won't be much longer either."

"Please..please…Don't do this..." he croaks out, feeling her fingers tighten around his windpipe. "I-I'll stop my practice-"

"It's too late for that," she whispers. "From what I heard, you have plenty to be guilty for…so you're going to earn your forgiveness through whatever means I deem fit. And if you die…well…" she looks up and over at Dabi. "He'll get rid of your body for me."

This is wrong.

But it feels so good. He hurt me for so long…

I need to stop. I'm not a villain. I'm not what they all expect me to be.

But his screams are so wonderful…I screamed just like this…

That doesn't make it right.

His blood is gorgeous. I can see why some people are obsessed with it.

He's going to die if I keep going. I have to stop. Just stop, just stop, just stop-

Shut up. Be quiet. Let me have this. Let me enjoy this. Let me stop holding back!

This isn't how it was supposed to go.

Leinei takes a breath, her hands shaking as she steps backwards. Her heel slips a little in the pool of blood leaking from the body that used to be a living breathing person, leaving a small skid that fades from crimson to pink. Conflicting emotions race through her, the sane part of her begging to run and report this, to get Hawks and finish this mission before it even begins. The sane part wanted to go home, to curl up in bed with Mr. Spokes and Katsuki, forget this ever happened, that she ever left.

This…isn't…me…

But it is me.

The darker side of her relished the blood. It relished having seen this man's final breath, seeing the light leave his eyes. After all the pain he'd inflicted on her for years, it was over. She paid him back tenfold, and it felt good. Oh so good. It made her heart forget how to beat for a few seconds, hearing the way he screamed. It took her breath away as he begged for his life, for some semblance of mercy.

Mercy is only for those deserving…

"Didn't think you actually had it in you."

She looks back at Dabi, her hands shaking and her legs ready to give out. Tears are burning her eyes and leaving rivulets of lava as they track their way down her cheeks. A hysterical laugh leaves her, a mix of genuine enjoyment, disgust, and horror that left her struggling to catch her breath afterwards. It's a broken sound, deranged almost as she curls her fingers in her hair and doubles over.

"I-I didn't…I don't-I'm not.." she keeps stumbling over what words to say, breaking into hysterical laughter between each half sentence. Dabi sighs, shaking his head as he rolls his eyes, and stretches his hand out as his trademark blue flames engulf his fingers. They jump from his hand, letting diamond-like sparks flutter into the air before dying away, and caress the doctor's body as Leinei finally starts to compose herself again.

When he looks at her after Gorlov's body was nothing but ashes, her blue eyes are empty. She has that broken look to her that he was craving to see on her face, her shoulders slumping as it slowly dawns on her how much more blood she would have on her already tainted hands. And he smirks to himself, proud of his long game and the outcome.

"Lets head back," he tells her, patting her shoulder. "I think Toga and Twice are running up more of the company credit card on food, and they'll wanna actually meet you."

"Yeah," she mumbles, using her fingers to wipe her tears away as they start to leave the office. Dabi has his hand on the door when he stops her again and looks at her over his shoulder, seeing her mask in place over her face.

"You should probably have a name picked out so that you don't have to go by your actual name," he tells her. "Since you were supposed to have committed suicide and all that."

"Apathia," she says without thinking, just ready to go back and forget this happened. "Just call me Apathia and be done with it."

"Whatever makes you happy, Apathia."