17
"Excuse me sir, there was an incomplete cargo delivery in the back docks" Ianto said to the man who wore the most medals like the show-off peacock that all Toffs are "I would not regularly say much but this is the Weapons Room Delivery and I know you would personally wish to know if there is a superior officer required, none more revered and above reproach as yourself."
As expected, the man puffed out his chest and said in a demanding tone "And your name there soldier?"
Ianto smiled softly as he repeated the name of Mister Clipboard with aplomb "I am Carter Sir."
"Carter. If course, you accepted the delivery of my horse!"
Horse? In this planet's atmo? Fucking hell, poor thing" John's voice came over the coms and the sound of a scuffle as Jack reminded him with some slaps to shut up, Taddy was working here. Ianto did not let his face betray the amusement bubbling as he also herd Japanese cursing, Toshiko telling both men to stop it or they go over her knee. The giggling from Jack also telling him that the man spoke the old language.
Ianto led the Toff to the Weapons Rom and they entered to find the empty case still open and the secondary case closed like there was no problem there. "You see sir? It's empty."
"What was supposed to be in it?"
"Thirty round Gerdoff Guns" Ianto said without blinking as he lifted the clipboard and then lowered it to stare at the man for direction.
"What the feck is a…" Jon had started to say only to get another slap "Oh.. oh right. No such thing, fuck… is he blowing smoke up that man's arse?"
The Toff leaned over to look into the box with confusion as Dax had scribbled a little 'fuck you' on the bottom of it while waiting for his release and Ianto slammed the clipboard against the back of his head, the man dropping like a stone. Now Ianto had a pass card that was an all access pass. Yes, Taddy was working alright.
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Dax stood in the middle of the room with his mouth slack, slowly turning in a circle as he drank in the beauty of the place. The Trophy Room was full of bling and bluster. Money…. It dripped of money. Dax was in love with a few pieces that he had no idea the price of, and one he knew for sure was over a million credits. He made a mental note to come back for that once he had the safe open and the stupid jar of dirt.
Finally he came to the portrait of the fat bloated fuck he was about to rob and he grinned at it while reaching out to calmly swing it away from the wall to reveal the safe that…. Wasn't there? Fuck. Dax heaved against the frame that was solidly fixed to the wall, grinding as his feet slid. Nope, not happening.
Dax stood there in frozen alarm.
Where was the fucking safe with the jar of dirt then?
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Ianto was back at the party that was forming, looking for a specific person butt he had no idea what they looked like. Instead he chose one of the servants who looked harried and slid alongside him "Which one is the wife of Moder? He sent me with a message and I have no idea what she looks like."
"The fat one in red over there" the man pointed then took off with his tray of dirty glasses. Ianto straightened up and headed for her with a look of contrition.
"Madam Moder? So you have a moment?" Ianto asked gently. His hand swinging like he was sorry to have bothered her. He simpered a bit and tried to look upset about something.
She turned to look down her nose at him and saw the uniform, becoming slightly friendlier "Yes dear?"
"Madam, I don't mean to take you time but… there is an inequality problem with the female staff and… they are too afraid to approach anyone about it but I said that you would be the one to speak to. I told them, you are a woman of substance and your heart is large. I know if there is anyone here who might be willing to speak up for the females it would be you, we all call you Mama Moder ya know."
Her eyes widened as she clutched at her breasts and he knew he had her, furtively looking around "I will contact you later, I do not want to be seen talking with you as I will be punished. We've been trying to make contact for weeks, so far three have… disappeared, the last one sent was disguised as a man and still had yet to reappear."
Her eyes widened more, her indignation overruled by the knowledge that she was THAT important to the 'cause' that Ianto was making up as he went along. Shen nodded and he bowed like she was a queen, moving away with furtive looks around them.
"Dragon is moving" he muttered as he headed for some staff to make small talk while furtively looking over at her and sometimes nodding in her direction, making sure the staff were all women.
His storyline was being anchored in place.
Plan B.
Just in case.
Not that he didn't trust Dax but… well… Ianto didn't like snipers of any shape of size. Too much open fire lately around his heels, ya know?
This mission was just as deadly.
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Dax looked down at his feet as he turned in a slow circle to think, staring at the floor panels as his mind whirled, then he slowly started to snort with mirth as he noticed the irregular patterns. "Slimy bustard. Of course he was too fat and stupid to have something you have to reach up and into. Of course something you reach down into is easier."
"You there?" Jack's voice crackled over the coms but Dax was in the zone, ignoring him.
"Stupid Dax" he muttered to himself as he fell to his knees and started to feel around the edge of one of the panels that seemed… off. Finally a small click and a portal was now viable. Dax felt this pockets, patting himself down like a twat as he tried to remember where he had put it, wishing he had Ianto's brain. Ah. He removed the small thing black strip from his wristlet where Ianto had placed it in the first place and placed it over the portal then he touched his coms "Darling… Trojan is ready to party."
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Toshiko swung her chair to the other workstation and started to work, the small patch was actually a hacking tool that soon had the lack disengaged and Dax throwing open the floor safe with glee, looking down with confusion at the single thing in there. "It's a bag."
"Grab the bag" Jack said with glee, slapping the back of Toshiko's chair "Get it!"
"You said we could have everything else, there is nothing else… you lying sack of.."
"Snatch and grab" Ianto's voice came over the coms, "Set up complete, come on Owen, you have your eye on some things and the entire fucking room is a vault… pick and choose… quickly, I have Plan B ready to roll. Let's go. Sound the internal alarms."
That was all Owen needed to hear as Jack stepped back from the chair and turned to John who was silting back in his chair with a disinterested air to him. Jack asked "What do you think that means?"
"The Welshonians are double crossing us?" John shrugged "Or… probably did not trust the plan you an I set up and have another one in the background running like a … fuck."
"Like a Trojan" Jack finished for him as he swung back to stare at the screens unable to do anything else but watch as Ianto and Dax executed their own heist that had been hidden in the "Jar of Dirt' one all along. Crafty little pricks were always going to do this, always had a plan and Jack now wondered if they knew on other already too.
"Did we just get played?" John asked with confusion as he started to realize it too "Did those two fuckers have another plan all along? When did they get time to do this?"
"Shut up to I will shoot you both. Like they would leave me and Eli with you if this was a double cross, get your heads out of each other's arses for a moment and let me work" Toshiko said without looking away from the screen, then tapped a button on her keyboard, moving the eyeball.
Now as the ball started to roll from under the furniture and into the room full of people Jack gaped at her. "Toshiko? You too?"
Instead of replying she tapped her coms and said softly "Rat is in the maze."
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"Then let's boogie" Dax agreed as he swung the baton he had flicked open from his pocket, smashing open the display case to a gorgeous one of a kind set of diamond clustered earrings worth at least three million credits, the alarms starting to sound as he swung gracefully without missing a beat to smash another.
Then he calmly started filling his pockets with rare gems.
"Like clockwork" he muttered to himself with delight, lifting up a diamond the size of his fist to look at the pale pink accents in the light "Awww… pretty. A small planet right here in my hand. Brilliant."
"Owen, stop grabarsing and move, time ticks" Ianto hissed over the coms.
"Yes Yan, on it brother" Dax replied, dropping the handfuls of pretty into a pocket and scooping the bag from the floor, running for the door with a high pitched nervous giggle that had him looking quite maniacal, then as the door opened he slid on his arse, exiting low to the ground like he was stealing home plate and as he slid into the far wall he rose to …. Wraith.
No idea why… there was no one even in the corridor.
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As security ran about and people stood in stunned silence as the unfamiliar sound of emergency klaxons, everyone was huddling together like sheep as Ianto watched the door nervously, the time running down in his head.
Where was he?
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"Fuck, I have to get in there" Jack was striding for his weapons on the far table "This has gone too far."
The table was empty, the only weapon in the room levelled at the two men as Toshiko rose from her chair to turned and face them, the Blunderbuss levelled at them with a scowl "I will not tell you again. I am fucking working here! SHUT UP!"
John looked at Jack, who shrugged and settled in a chair. He knew better than to mess with this little one, he has no desire to lose his head today. John considered Jack's decision and decided to go along with it as well, sitting next to him with an accusing glare like this was all his fault. He then hissed "Two of them. Great, two are better than one. Sure, they will NEVER double-cross us, right?"
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Dax entered the main room and saw Ianto with some women, lifting the bag to show Ianto as he continued to wraith on through and Ianto said loudly with sudden alarm "Mama, it's happening. They're coming for the women, please… help me protect my sisters."
The woman gave a sharp squeal as she raced for him, slamming out of the way several guards but one whom had been slowly circling Ianto and had finally got close enough to scan him for facial recognition, raising his weapon at him as he snarled "do not move."
Then it happened.
Dax saw the gun in Ianto's face, the woman too far way and time ticking far too slow.
Dax hesitated.
He stopped his walk and the wraithing faltered. Ianto looked on with horror as Dax became visible in the middle of the room with the fucking bag containing the Jar of Dirt in his hands. Way to screw the pooch. Ianto did not know what else to say as he gaped at the fool.
"Really?"
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"RUN! FOR ALL THE WOMEN OUT THERE… SAVE HER!" the madam yelled as she slammed into the man with the gun, the gun going off next to Ianto's left ear and he yelped as he ducked, hearing something shatter next to him and he started to run for Dax who was now aware of his misstep here.
Fuck.
Dax was about to give the Madam a mouthful that he was a MAN thank you very fucking much but Ianto's hand grabbing at his to yank him into movement sort of belayed that snark. Both men were almost to the doors when the shooting in their direction started for real, Ianto seizing Dax to push in front of him as he engaged his body armour and hoped for the best, both of them skidding from the room and along the corridor.
"You got it? Fuck me… look at that ceramic. Where is the bag it came in?" Ianto panted as they ran.
"I put if back in the hole with some stupid statue in it. He will have a fucking cowlett when he finds it and sees I lopped off the head of his great-grandmother or whatever. Big tits… she had these huge tits like…" Dax lifted his hands to his chest to emphasize the word Tit, the jar exploding as a bullet strafed though it and Ianto now yelled with horror as the contents started to drift into the air.
"Fuck"