Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma 1/2. Figures, huh? Sorry this took so long, but writing Ranma is hard!! *ducks the flying fruit* Leave a note if you like/hate or anything in between, either way tell me if I stayed in character, k?
Operation: Ransoming Charlotte
Chapter three
"BRRRING! BRRRRINNNGGG!!!!"
"Hello?"
"Do you like scary movies?"
"What? Who is this?"
"Wait... wrong script. I hear you have a pet that's gone missing." The voice on the phone sounded muffled, as though it were speaking through a wad of cloth.
"Yes. His name is P-chan. Tell me you've found him! Is he alright? He isn't harmed is he?" The questions fired out rapidly, tumbling one after the other.
"He is... For now. If you wish to keep him that way I suggest you bring the pig-tailed girl to the back ally behind the Cat Cafe. Tell no one of this call, else your little P-chan will be Boiled Pig." CLICK!
Akane dropped the phone, causing it to sway lightly on it's cord. Her eyes grew large and began to fill with tears. "P-P-P-chan!"
*********
"I don' t like it! You didn't have to scare her!" Ryoga growled at the taller boy. "You could have done it some other way!"
"Like what? Tell her that Ryoga Habiki has been masquerading as her pet for the last few years, and wants to kill her rightful fiancee?" Mousse asked dryly.
"No... But you could have told her that P-chan would be fine! You made her think I.. er.. Her pet would be dinner if she didn't deliver!"
"What makes you think you won't?" Mousse asked with a smirk. "Would you just get over it already? We have a scene to set, and you still haven't talked to Shampoo." He glanced down at the small packet he held in his hand. This had to be timed perfectly for it all to come off correctly. "Now change already, we need the ransom pictures."
"I still say that this is degrading." Ryoga grumbled under his breath.
"You should have thought of that before you tried to feed me to that Kuno fellow."
********
"Ranma! I need your help!" She cried, gazing up at the rapidly backing fighter. There were tears falling down her face, and her hands were in an oddly pleading position.
"Wh-what?" Ranma asked, fear heard clearly in his voice. All of a sudden Akane pulled out her largest mallet and a bucket of water, rendering instant doozy Ranma-chan. "You're going to help me save P-chan!"
"B-but Akane!!" Ranma chan cried as she was dragged out into the night. The sound of her voice lingered in the silent air.
*******
"But... What does the big duck man want with me?" Her big eyes looked up at Mousse pleadingly. "Little Azusa didn't hurt hims, did she? Her just wanted her Juan!" She looked up pleadingly, glancing towards the frying pan she had gone gaga over earlier.
"Lady, this has nothing to do with you, we just need you out of the picture for a little while." He pulled out a blankie and a pacifier form her bag. She kept the strangest things on her person... There was also a pair of matching booties and a bib that would work perfect. Shoving a cloth napkin into her mouth he grabbed up his find and headed towards the other room.
"SQUEE!" The little pig wailed as it saw what was in his hand.
"Now stop complaining! We already discussed this and it's the only thing that will work!" The small pig glared at him, turning it's back. "I was hoping it wouldn't come to this." Mousse said, pulling out a small mallet and knocking the pig out cold. "There now, much better!"
Within seconds a cute little P-chan wearing the perfect baby ensemble of pink and yellow laid unconscious in a basket. Mousse snapped happily away, ever once in a while moving his model to a different position, and posing him with a strikingly familiar shirt.
***********
She found the pictures right about the time Shampoo found him. With a scream Akane turned towards Ranma, a demand for an explanation on her lips. The words died before ever being said as she focused on the sight of Shampoo pouring hot water over Ranma'chan, than hugging Ranma even more happily then ever.
"I suppose she helped you with this as well!" She shouted, banging a mallet over Ranma's head, tossing the file of pictures to the ground, than storming away. Shampoo stopped her daily glomping to pick up the pictures curiously.
"What pig boy doing wearing Groom's shirt? Shampoo wash that shirt! Ranma no baka! And just as Shampoo was thinking of forgiving you!" She knocked him over the head with a bon bori, then waltzed away complaining of unfaithful males.
"Ranma took a few seconds to get over the dizziness then grabbed the muddied pictures up irritably. "Wha!? RYOGA!!!!" He ran off towards the Cat Cafe.
********
(With Mousse)
"Why males always have to be so stupid?? Shampoo love Ranma and he treat her like slave half-wit boy! Shampoo not Mousse!" She gulped down another glass of sake and
turned to the aforementioned slave. "Why Ranma not more like you?" She asked, giggling slightly as she was already well on the way
to being drunk.
"Ranma shall never-er... I don't know my darling. Perhaps there's something you need to think through a little more." She lazily wrapped her arms around his neck, making his heart to beat ten times faster then usual. He looked down, his eyes drifting shut, sure that this would be his first kiss with his beautiful Shampoo... Only to have her belch right in his face, then begin to snore.
His heart broke slightly as he heard her say "Ranma..." in her sleep.
"Baka..." He whispered, not knowing exactly who he meant, Ranma, or himself, than he held her, until he was distracted by a scream.
**********
"Azusa! So that's what happened to you! I bet you never even had Ryoga!" He untied the wriggling girl, only to have her scream in his face.
"GIVE ME JUAN!!" She shouted, quickly grabbing the frying pan and clasping it to her breast. "Azusa leaving now." She stated defiantly than flounced away as the prima donna that she had always been.
"Strange girl... Now where is Charlotte? I know that those pictures were taken around here." He slammed in through the kitchen door, and began shouting for Ryoga to show himself.
A half dressed Mousse came in, pure wrath in his eyes. "How dare you interrupt this time with my darling Shampoo? For that you must die!" Just then Shampoo woke up to find herself wearing Mousse's shirt, and her pants. The horror almost made her keel over, till she heard the bellowing from the front room.
"Ranma! You come to save Shampoo, no?" She shouted, jumping into his arms. Mousse looked back and forth between the two, a confused and hurt look on his face.
"B-but... I thought..."
"What? Shampoo no trade for you! Shampoo have real man!" Shampoo turned and began to attack Mousse in her usual fashion. Ranma ignored them both, seeking high and low to find Ryoga. He gave up after having a horrifying encounter with Cologne in a green beauty mask.
Heading home he thought tiredly that the little pig would show up sooner or later, his revenge would just have to wait. As he reached the door of the Tendo Dojo he was shocked to hear the sound of P-chan's squeal.
"Ranma! Look who came home! I must have been mistaken about you kidnapping him... It must have been Azusa all along!" She hald the blushing pig to her chest like a baby. "Why else would he be wearing such a ridiculous outfit?"
Ranma glanced down to see P-chan dressed in a pair of tights and leotards. "I'm not even going to ask... You ran into Kodachi on the way to comfort Akane, didn't you?" The little pig gave him a pitiful look and nodded.
"I'm going to bed, everyone. Wake me when it's normal again." Ranma called out to the room at large. Kasumi gave him a troubled look.
"What do you mean? Normal?"
"Exactly."
THE END