Huge tears fell from her eyes. Why had she done it? She didn't love Carter, she didn't even like him in that sense. He was probably the best friend she had ever had and they had just ruined their friendship.
She looked at his figure oh her bed, wishing it were Luka. Why had she been so horrible to him? She hadn't meant to shut him out but she was scared of telling him too much in case he disapproved or was disappointed. She had tried being close to someone before, Richard, and she refused to let herself be hurt again. However the fight she had had with Luka the night before had hurt her more than she realised. As she was thinking, or regretting, a voice called out her name from across the room.
"Abby" Carter looked at her and noticed the tears. "Are you OK?" He asked, and concern was painted across his face, and he began to get out of bed.
" Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, I just came in to get some scrubs for work. I'm fine Carter" she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks " I'm going to have a shower and get ready for work, I have to be on in an hour."
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm not" She didn't want to tell him the reason for her tears as she didn't want to hurt him. The day before he had told her he had feelings for her and later that night, she had kissed him. She wished she had said to Luka 'I love you' when he had said it to her, and how she wished that she had had the strength to resist Carter last night. She could blame him, but she knew she had to take most of the blame. After the fight with Luka, she wanted someone to hold her and talk to, and that person turned out to be Carter. At least she had the willpower to stop it before it went further, but that didn't matter. She still believed that kissing Carter had meant she had been unfaithful to Luka, and she hated herself for it. The main reason she despised Richard was because he had slept with half of Chicago, and now she was as bad as he was. Why was her life always such a mess?
She walked quickly into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She knew Carter would be lying in her bed and he had probably guessed that she was still upset, even though she hadn't told him why. She would have to face him, but at this moment, she couldn't. She was afraid of losing both her best friend and boyfriend in the same day. She stepped into the warm shower and relived the past 24 hours…
She and Luka walked out the ER side by side. Neither one of them dare break the tense silence that lay between them. She was angry that he had returned the application, and he was hurt. Why did his girlfriend Abby find it easier to talk to Carter? He had done everything he could to get her to open up to him but she had built a wall around herself and wouldn't let Luka in. Eventually he plucked up the courage and spoke, knowing that what he had to say could make or break their relationship.
"I'm sorry Abby. If you had told me that you were have doubts about going back to med school then I would never had turned in the form" He said gently, the hurt apparent in his voice
"I should have told you I'm sorry"
A few moments passed and he slowly said what had been concerning him for the past few months.
"Why won't you talk to me?" He asked
"I do talk to you" She replied
"Not properly you don't. If you are worried or angry you go to Carter, and not me"
"He's my friend" she said quietly
He knew this was hurting her and he didn't want to, but he knew that if he didn't get this off his chest, their relationship was doomed "But I'm your boyfriend"
"I know that" she said quietly
"Well why won't you talk to me? You can trust me"
"Look Luka, I'm sorry. I really don't feel like talking about this today. I'm really tired. Can we discuss this in the morning?" He looked at him and she knew what he was going to say, she could tell by the expression on his face.
"No, I think we should talk now"
"Why? I'm sorry if me being friends with Carter annoys you but I'm not going to stop being friends with him just because you are uncomfortable or jealous. I don't tell you who to be friends with" Her angry tone surprised Luka but he knew that he had to tell her how her felt.
"This is isn't about who your friends are. I don't care who you are friends with but I do care about you and I want you to talk and confide in me"
"I don't feel comfortable talking about how I feel. I did that with my mom and Richard and look where that got me! Now can we just go, Im starving and tired" She looked at him, hoping he would give up his argument.
"When will you realise that I am not Richard,, I'm never going to cheat on you or hurt you" He said in a angry tone which startled Abby . He then mellowed and continued to say "I'm sorry Abby, but I want to be on my own tonight. I love you. I've fallen in love with this beautiful, intelligent caring lady" He could see the shock on her face as he carried on speaking, "But do you really think we can stay together, if you can't talk to me? I'll see you tomorrow" He didn't want to hurt her but she had to know how he was feeling. He walked towards his hotel, his head hung low to match his emotions. She simply stared, too stunned to speak.
Tears started to fall from Abby's eyes. She started to walk quickly as she hated people to see her cry. Why had Luka done this? She was happy with their relationship. They had been going out for about 8 months and things were going great. She had got to know him well and he had supported her with her. She realised that she talked to Carter more, but she hadn't realised how much this had hurt him. Still, he had hurt her tonight and she was angry. So what if she did speak to Carter, he was quite close to Kerry? She didn't have a go at him for talking to her. She started walking towards the El, brushing her tears away.
"Abby?" He recognised Carter's voice but she didn't respond
"Are you OK?"
"I'm fine thanks"
"You don't look fine, why are you crying?"
"It doesn't matter" She said quietly, meeting his eyes
"Are you sure? If you don't mind me saying, it obviously does matter to you because otherwise you wouldn't be crying?"
"Well I said it doesn't matter, OK?" She replied angrily
"Fine" he said "Where are you headed? Not with Luka? I thought he had just finished" He knew he shouldn't talk to Abby about Luka, especially after his revelation that day but he hoped she would realise that he could make her happy/
"Yes, he's gone. Im headed home. You?"
"I was thinking of getting something to eat, are you hungry?"
Her stomach lurched and reminded her that she hadn't eaten since the mourning. "Yeah, I was gonna order a pizza"
"Fancy some company?"
"What happened to you not wanting to be friends with me?"
"I thought about it and I realised that I shouldn't have put you in the position. I admit, I do like you but if figured that if nothing can ever come of that, I definitely want to have your friendship in my life. Am I forgiven?"
"Ok"
"Wanna order pizza then? My treat?"
She nodded and they started walking towards his car. She had stopped crying but Carter could tell she was still upset.
"So are you gonna tell me what is wrong, or am I going to have to guess?"
"You don't want to know, and besides I don't really want to talk about it"
"By that response Im guessing it is Luka but if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine by me. Shall we go to your apartment? We could to mine but my gamma…"
Abby interrupted "That's fine"
They drove in silence. Abby wondering if she should thank Carter for his support and then go to see Luka. She hated the thought of him being upset but she knew that if she went to his hotel, he would want to talk and she couldn't face that.
Carter drove, his eyes focus the dark road ahead. Had Abby and Luka broken up? He didn't think that was the problem because he knew that although Abby wouldn't admit it, he could tell that she loved Luka. Maybe Luka had slept with someone else? Maybe Abby had slept with someone else? No, he knew that couldn't be the problem because Abby hated people cheating and he couldn't imagine Luka doing that, he seemed so moral. Maybe they had…
"Carter" He jumped
"What?"
"You drove straight past my apartment" She laughed
"I did?" He looked around and realised that he was right
"Sorry, I was thinking" He stopped the car and they got out.
Silently the walked up to her apartment until eventually Carter broke the silence, as she was unlocking the door.
"What sort of pizza do you like?" He said, picking up the phone
"Whatever, I'm not fussed"
He ordered the pizza, 1 extra large vegetarian supreme and two cokes
"Wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure"
"But we'll have to sit on my bed 'cause the video's in my room"
"OK. What films have you got?"
She pointed to the stack of videos next to her TV, and pressed her answer machine. She was secretly hoping there would be a message from Luka, apologising, but there wasn't. She looked and saw Carter looking at her video collection
"Any preferences?"
"No, not bothered"
"Ok, I got one"
"Are you gonna cheer up?"
She smiled, although not very convincingly
The film started and between bites, Carter spoke
"Why is your VCR in your bedroom, and your videos in the lounge?"
"Well I like watching movies but I always fall asleep before the end, so I figured it would be easier to move it here" She said, as the credits began.
The credits went up and Carter looked up and saw Abby was still awake.
"I thought you fell asleep during movies" he said, knowing that she hadn't really watched the movie
"I wasn't really watching"
"I know. Wanna tell me what's wrong now?"
"Not really. Why is life so complicated?"
"I dunno. Guess it makes it more interesting"
"You know that I'll always be here for you, don't you? Even if it is just to supply pizza"
"Thanks" she said looking at him
Before she knew what was happening, she leaned in and kissed him. Carter kissed her back, and then she realised what she was doing and pulled away.
They both sat there, in awkward silence.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I don't know why I did, it's not fair on you"
"Its OK. I know you are upset. I should be going", he said looking at the clock. It was 1:54am
"Listen I don't want things to be awkward between us. Why don't you sleep over? Your already half asleep"
"Are you sure?"
"Well I could use the company. You can stay in here, I'll go in the spare room, I insist"
"OK, I wont argue"
"Don't worry Abby. Things won't change between us but what are you going to tell Luka?"
"Goodnight" she whispered closing the door. What had she done? Watching that movie had made her realise she loved him. Had she ruined everything?
She looked at his figure oh her bed, wishing it were Luka. Why had she been so horrible to him? She hadn't meant to shut him out but she was scared of telling him too much in case he disapproved or was disappointed. She had tried being close to someone before, Richard, and she refused to let herself be hurt again. However the fight she had had with Luka the night before had hurt her more than she realised. As she was thinking, or regretting, a voice called out her name from across the room.
"Abby" Carter looked at her and noticed the tears. "Are you OK?" He asked, and concern was painted across his face, and he began to get out of bed.
" Sorry I didn't mean to wake you, I just came in to get some scrubs for work. I'm fine Carter" she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks " I'm going to have a shower and get ready for work, I have to be on in an hour."
"Why are you crying?"
"I'm not" She didn't want to tell him the reason for her tears as she didn't want to hurt him. The day before he had told her he had feelings for her and later that night, she had kissed him. She wished she had said to Luka 'I love you' when he had said it to her, and how she wished that she had had the strength to resist Carter last night. She could blame him, but she knew she had to take most of the blame. After the fight with Luka, she wanted someone to hold her and talk to, and that person turned out to be Carter. At least she had the willpower to stop it before it went further, but that didn't matter. She still believed that kissing Carter had meant she had been unfaithful to Luka, and she hated herself for it. The main reason she despised Richard was because he had slept with half of Chicago, and now she was as bad as he was. Why was her life always such a mess?
She walked quickly into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She knew Carter would be lying in her bed and he had probably guessed that she was still upset, even though she hadn't told him why. She would have to face him, but at this moment, she couldn't. She was afraid of losing both her best friend and boyfriend in the same day. She stepped into the warm shower and relived the past 24 hours…
She and Luka walked out the ER side by side. Neither one of them dare break the tense silence that lay between them. She was angry that he had returned the application, and he was hurt. Why did his girlfriend Abby find it easier to talk to Carter? He had done everything he could to get her to open up to him but she had built a wall around herself and wouldn't let Luka in. Eventually he plucked up the courage and spoke, knowing that what he had to say could make or break their relationship.
"I'm sorry Abby. If you had told me that you were have doubts about going back to med school then I would never had turned in the form" He said gently, the hurt apparent in his voice
"I should have told you I'm sorry"
A few moments passed and he slowly said what had been concerning him for the past few months.
"Why won't you talk to me?" He asked
"I do talk to you" She replied
"Not properly you don't. If you are worried or angry you go to Carter, and not me"
"He's my friend" she said quietly
He knew this was hurting her and he didn't want to, but he knew that if he didn't get this off his chest, their relationship was doomed "But I'm your boyfriend"
"I know that" she said quietly
"Well why won't you talk to me? You can trust me"
"Look Luka, I'm sorry. I really don't feel like talking about this today. I'm really tired. Can we discuss this in the morning?" He looked at him and she knew what he was going to say, she could tell by the expression on his face.
"No, I think we should talk now"
"Why? I'm sorry if me being friends with Carter annoys you but I'm not going to stop being friends with him just because you are uncomfortable or jealous. I don't tell you who to be friends with" Her angry tone surprised Luka but he knew that he had to tell her how her felt.
"This is isn't about who your friends are. I don't care who you are friends with but I do care about you and I want you to talk and confide in me"
"I don't feel comfortable talking about how I feel. I did that with my mom and Richard and look where that got me! Now can we just go, Im starving and tired" She looked at him, hoping he would give up his argument.
"When will you realise that I am not Richard,, I'm never going to cheat on you or hurt you" He said in a angry tone which startled Abby . He then mellowed and continued to say "I'm sorry Abby, but I want to be on my own tonight. I love you. I've fallen in love with this beautiful, intelligent caring lady" He could see the shock on her face as he carried on speaking, "But do you really think we can stay together, if you can't talk to me? I'll see you tomorrow" He didn't want to hurt her but she had to know how he was feeling. He walked towards his hotel, his head hung low to match his emotions. She simply stared, too stunned to speak.
Tears started to fall from Abby's eyes. She started to walk quickly as she hated people to see her cry. Why had Luka done this? She was happy with their relationship. They had been going out for about 8 months and things were going great. She had got to know him well and he had supported her with her. She realised that she talked to Carter more, but she hadn't realised how much this had hurt him. Still, he had hurt her tonight and she was angry. So what if she did speak to Carter, he was quite close to Kerry? She didn't have a go at him for talking to her. She started walking towards the El, brushing her tears away.
"Abby?" He recognised Carter's voice but she didn't respond
"Are you OK?"
"I'm fine thanks"
"You don't look fine, why are you crying?"
"It doesn't matter" She said quietly, meeting his eyes
"Are you sure? If you don't mind me saying, it obviously does matter to you because otherwise you wouldn't be crying?"
"Well I said it doesn't matter, OK?" She replied angrily
"Fine" he said "Where are you headed? Not with Luka? I thought he had just finished" He knew he shouldn't talk to Abby about Luka, especially after his revelation that day but he hoped she would realise that he could make her happy/
"Yes, he's gone. Im headed home. You?"
"I was thinking of getting something to eat, are you hungry?"
Her stomach lurched and reminded her that she hadn't eaten since the mourning. "Yeah, I was gonna order a pizza"
"Fancy some company?"
"What happened to you not wanting to be friends with me?"
"I thought about it and I realised that I shouldn't have put you in the position. I admit, I do like you but if figured that if nothing can ever come of that, I definitely want to have your friendship in my life. Am I forgiven?"
"Ok"
"Wanna order pizza then? My treat?"
She nodded and they started walking towards his car. She had stopped crying but Carter could tell she was still upset.
"So are you gonna tell me what is wrong, or am I going to have to guess?"
"You don't want to know, and besides I don't really want to talk about it"
"By that response Im guessing it is Luka but if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine by me. Shall we go to your apartment? We could to mine but my gamma…"
Abby interrupted "That's fine"
They drove in silence. Abby wondering if she should thank Carter for his support and then go to see Luka. She hated the thought of him being upset but she knew that if she went to his hotel, he would want to talk and she couldn't face that.
Carter drove, his eyes focus the dark road ahead. Had Abby and Luka broken up? He didn't think that was the problem because he knew that although Abby wouldn't admit it, he could tell that she loved Luka. Maybe Luka had slept with someone else? Maybe Abby had slept with someone else? No, he knew that couldn't be the problem because Abby hated people cheating and he couldn't imagine Luka doing that, he seemed so moral. Maybe they had…
"Carter" He jumped
"What?"
"You drove straight past my apartment" She laughed
"I did?" He looked around and realised that he was right
"Sorry, I was thinking" He stopped the car and they got out.
Silently the walked up to her apartment until eventually Carter broke the silence, as she was unlocking the door.
"What sort of pizza do you like?" He said, picking up the phone
"Whatever, I'm not fussed"
He ordered the pizza, 1 extra large vegetarian supreme and two cokes
"Wanna watch a movie?"
"Sure"
"But we'll have to sit on my bed 'cause the video's in my room"
"OK. What films have you got?"
She pointed to the stack of videos next to her TV, and pressed her answer machine. She was secretly hoping there would be a message from Luka, apologising, but there wasn't. She looked and saw Carter looking at her video collection
"Any preferences?"
"No, not bothered"
"Ok, I got one"
"Are you gonna cheer up?"
She smiled, although not very convincingly
The film started and between bites, Carter spoke
"Why is your VCR in your bedroom, and your videos in the lounge?"
"Well I like watching movies but I always fall asleep before the end, so I figured it would be easier to move it here" She said, as the credits began.
The credits went up and Carter looked up and saw Abby was still awake.
"I thought you fell asleep during movies" he said, knowing that she hadn't really watched the movie
"I wasn't really watching"
"I know. Wanna tell me what's wrong now?"
"Not really. Why is life so complicated?"
"I dunno. Guess it makes it more interesting"
"You know that I'll always be here for you, don't you? Even if it is just to supply pizza"
"Thanks" she said looking at him
Before she knew what was happening, she leaned in and kissed him. Carter kissed her back, and then she realised what she was doing and pulled away.
They both sat there, in awkward silence.
"Sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I don't know why I did, it's not fair on you"
"Its OK. I know you are upset. I should be going", he said looking at the clock. It was 1:54am
"Listen I don't want things to be awkward between us. Why don't you sleep over? Your already half asleep"
"Are you sure?"
"Well I could use the company. You can stay in here, I'll go in the spare room, I insist"
"OK, I wont argue"
"Don't worry Abby. Things won't change between us but what are you going to tell Luka?"
"Goodnight" she whispered closing the door. What had she done? Watching that movie had made her realise she loved him. Had she ruined everything?