AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story is a combined effort done by ASIG and Viper25. Although Viper25 has posted this story, ASIG was there to help with the writing.
So let's start with a quick review. We were sittin' around the coffeehouse, like what else is new, when Rachel came bursting in telling us all how Eddie had returned. Now you all remember Eddie don't you? You know he was that guy who watched me sleep. You remember don't ya'?
Anyway, the final event that topped it all off was when I ran straight into Eddie while running out the door.
As you may recall, his first words were, "Hey roomy! Gee, what crawled up your pants?"
I then stood up and brushed off my shirt as if everything was cool. It wasn't, but I was still breathing – barely, but the facts remain. "Oh nothing man, I was just practicing my dance moves. Yeah, you know, that jazz stuff."
"Oh," Eddie began, "well I'll tell you what crawled up my pants." Then, he reached down his pants and pulled a little something out. NO, NO, NOT THAT! What is wrong with you people? "It's these leeches, boy I'll tell ya', you can't get rid of these things!"
"Oh, my, God!" Well, I guess nothing's changed here. "Still the same old Eddie." I said regretfully.
"Yeah I know pal, that's what you love about me best isn't it?"
Fortunately for me, (and yes I know it's a miracle), Gunther decided to play hero and actually came out from behind the counter!
"Hey pal, would you mind not holding the door open like that?"
"Oh yeah, sure Sparky," Eddie replied.
At this point I ceased my only opportunity for escape. It's kinda' like when you're throwing rocks at the neighbors cat, when it falls off the fence with a high-pitched screech followed by a loud thud, and then you run off, hoping nobody saw you.
Oh yeah, and then there was that story I was telling, AHEM: I did the only sane thing that was left.
"Gunther," I said, cowering behind him, "save me!"
"Look Chandler, I know we all have our different choices of lifestyle out there, but I'm not really into that kind of thing."
Then Monica stepped in, "Umm, excuse me! But we are married!"
"Oh I'm sorry, does that upset you?" Gunther asked, his face turning red.
Then she came back with, "Uh, yeah, just a little!" It almost sounded like me. I was so touched I almost cried, hehehe, yeah, but I didn't!
Gunther headed back to his duties, but he couldn't help himself, "I'm sorry, Rachel."
Then Rachel commented in a confused manner, "Okay Gunther."
I wasn't comfortable with the silence so I said, "Hey Eddie, don't you have to go feed your fish or something?"
"Oh yeah thanks man. Hey, can someone get me a muffin over here?"
Things would have been okay from there if he hadn't pulled a real goldfish from his pocket.
"Sorry man, but pets aren't allowed in here," Gunther told him.
Eddie, being the strange little man that he is, decided that it was necessary to discipline his fishy friend. "You stupid fish! Why'd you have to get us in trouble like that?"
To everyone's relief, he jammed the fish back in his pocket and walked out.
"Oh thank you God." I then casually returned to the couch and asked, "So, now, would anyone like to question that guy's mental status?"
"Oh yeah, so that's Eddie. Yeah, he was always such nice guy."
"Phoebe, what's wrong with you? Did you not just see him pull a live fish out of his pocket?" Monica was getting on her case, and quite frankly, can anyone blame her?
"Well, the fish needs a home. I mean, where else would he put it?"
I decided to use this perfect opportunity: "How about in a bowl of water?"
"Yeah, like anybody does that anymore."
After receiving the look from all of us, Phoebe added, "Oh, right, sorry, that's not until after the near apocalypse of '09."
This looks like a good spot to leave you, so, now you can all sit back, and scratch your heads while you try to figure out what just happened.