Differences
Chapter 2: Prelude to Mourning Hiroki (In the Line of Duty)
[AN: I started out to only write a second part depicting Hiroki Hida's funeral. Then I realized that Hiroki Hida's death was the defining moment for Cody Hida's character as he appears in the 02 series, the event that establishes certain of his personality traits and secured others. Next I realized that, rather than simply referring to such powerful trauma as Cody stood graveside, it would be more effective to show it as it happened to him. I think it turned out to be devastatingly effective. Hiroki's funeral will now be chapter three. -- BM]
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There's nothing that says fate must wait to teach people lessons until they are old enough. Young Cody Hida had always liked learning lessons, even those that older people first thought he was simply to young to master. More often than not, little Cody was a surprisingly fast and capable learner. At the seemingly reasonable age of six Cody was unknowingly fated to learn the lesson titled "Life Can Be Unfair." Many children Cody's age learned the same lesson by not getting their choice of dessert after dinner or permission to keep pets, but for him the reasonable lesson took an unreasonably severe form. Cody Hida learned that life could be unfair when his mother had to tell him that his father was dead. Nor was Cody spared the meaning of this lesson by childish ignorance. He wasn't a baby, after all. Dead meant "gone forever". Cody certainly knew what "gone" meant, and children had a stronger sense of "forever" than grown-ups kept. He remembered each moment of that terrible lesson vividly --
One night he was taken from his bed before he was even completely awake and bundled over to the neighborly Inoue apartment for safe keeping. Mom had to go with other policemen to see Dad really fast. He needed to be a good boy and go back to sleep and she would say hello to Dad for him. Mrs. Inoue made Cody comfortable on their couch. She did not make ten year-old Yolei go back to bed with the rest of the family stirred by Cody's arrival. Instead, she told the boy that the girl could sit up with him if he promised to drink a nice, warm cup of milk with her. He politely accepted and downed the offered beverage. Yolei was good company, though she looked worried about something. Soon enough she chattered away like she always did. The sight of her familiar face, added to the sound of her familiar voice, helped Cody drift back into sleep.
The next morning it wasn't the sun that awakened Cody from his bed as usual. The sound of a grown-up woman sobbing roused him from the Inoue couch. He knelt on the couch and peered over its back into the Inoue kitchen. His Mom, still wearing her coat, cried at their kitchen table. Cody scrambled off the couch and raced to her. He didn't even noticed Mrs. Inoue embracing Yolei as he moved past them to his Mom. Yolei instantly hugged him. Cody thought she was just trying to greet him affectionately, and squirmed away from her. He never took his eyes off his mother, so he didn't see that Yolei's face was very white and she was crying too. Seeing Cody brought fresh sobs from Mrs. Hida. Finding her this sad had made the boy's own bottom lip quiver, had he done something wrong? Cody's Mom lifted him up into her lap and held him for a time while she cried. He asked her shakily, "Mom what's the matter? Please tell me."
His Mom didn't answer right away. She looked at Mrs. Inoue, who nodded and guided Yolei to another room. Mrs. Hida composed herself as best she could for what she said next. She looked at Cody, took a deep breath and began. "Cody last night while Dad was doing his job as a policeman some ... some very bad men they ... they hurt Dad very badly ... so badly that even the very best doctors couldn't make him better. Sweetheart, because Dad hurt so much and so badly he just couldn't stay in his body anymore, so he died. He went to be with Grandma Hida. Now Dad doesn't hurt anymore. No one can hurt your Dad ever again Cody. But ... that means he can't be here with us like we want him to be ... like he wanted to be ... Your Dad loved you so much. He'll always be with you in spirit. But ... in person he's gone. I'm so sorry honey. I'm so sorry.
Cody had started sobbing when his Mom had said his Dad had been hurt, and trying to listen to her tell him everything had been the only thing holding him back. When she finished he screamed, and the scream became a series of terrible, loud wails. Cody wasn't thinking of the future: not the promised kendo lessons, all the school days and graduations, or the lifetime of other moments that would be lost. The little boy who shook in his mother's arms mourned the moment. In that moment he just wanted his Dad. Cody broke free of his Mom, only to ball up on the floor. He wanted to be strong for his Mom and be as brave as his Dad was ... had been. Cody couldn't do it, simply couldn't gain control, and this frightened Cody almost more than what his Mom had just told him. His breathing became ragged and he was inconsolably shuddering and thrashing out, trying to physically compel himself into his usual reserve.
What stopped Minako Hida from crying was the fact that her son could not. More of the Inoue family awakened, and learned the terrible news. Minako decided she had to get Cody home. Mrs. Inoue insisted on coming with her because Minako didn't need to be alone. The women thought it best to securely wrap Cody in a blanket to calm him down and keep him from hurting himself. Yolei had dressed quickly and offered to help with Cody. Mrs. Inoue agreed because she had to help Mrs. Hida make phone calls and other difficult arrangements. Someone else would have to watch the boy. The four of them made the short trip over to the Hida apartment quickly. The women put the still restrained Cody gently into his own bed and told Yolei just to watch him, a vigil she dutifully kept as his wails became sobs, sobs became whimpers, whimpers became sighs, and his sighs became silence.
Later Cody awoke. He stirred and struggled against the blanket that encased him, but he didn't have any strength left. Gentle and familiar hands quickly loosened the wrapped layers around him and pulled him up into a sitting position on his bed. Cody had to blink his vision clear before recognizing Yolei as his liberator. She sat down next to him and put her arms around him. She smiled weakly at him, though she had meant to do better. She said quietly, "It's good to see you awake Cody." The boy found the statement odd. Why shouldn't he be awake? The light coming through the bedroom window clearly indicated it was past midday now. Why was Yolei dressed while he was still in his pajamas from bedtime? That was embarrassing. Why weren't they both in school today? He was a first grader now, and Yolei's fifth grade was in the same building. The morning routine of the Hida household was clear. Mom stayed home while he went to school and Dad ... was dead. Cody recalled the events of the early morning. His Dad was dead, that would be the way of things now. Cody's eyes felt hot and stinging streams escaped them again, but he made no sound.
Yolei watched her little friend as he puzzled all this out and finally put the darkest pieces back into place. When his tears came again she held him tighter. She guessed it was good that he let himself cry again , even if he insisted on being so quiet about it. There had been a time when Yolei had believed she could protect Cody ... her Cody, from anything. But she hadn't been ready for this, and the fact that no one had, or could have been was little consolation to her. She'd liked Mr. Hida a lot, such a nice man and a great dad. What's more the man had been her friend and not just someone her parents knew. She'd miss Mr. Hida badly. The man had told her several times how grateful he was that she watched out for Cody. Imagine a grown-up police officer thanking a young girl for protecting his son, but that's just the kind of guy Mr. Hida ... had been. She resolved that she would be dedicated to giving Cody at least some of the happiness she knew Mr. Hida wanted for the little boy. Even if it turned out to be just the tiniest fraction of that happiness it would be worth it to her. She loved Cody, and besides it would be her own special tribute to the man who had been her friend. She'd start right away but carefully. She realized at the beginning of this mission that she'd always have to give Cody time to be sad if he felt that way, she would draw him toward happiness as soon as the sadness gave her a chance. She looked down at him and saw that he had stopped crying and was just holding on to her. This was her chance. The little guy had to be starving. Food would make him feel better. "Cody, I bet you're hungry. You know it's past lunchtime and you haven't even had any breakfast yet. My Mom fixed some great soup for your Mom, and there's plenty left. It's really good so would you like a big bowl?"
In response Cody, who was very hungry, mouthed the words "Yes, Yolei, thank you very much." His eyes widened with surprise when he realized that, though he had said the words, he hadn't made any sound. He scowled at himself and tried again, "Yes, Yolei, thank you very much." When speaking produced no sound again the boy's eyes widened in fear. Yolei didn't know what to make of this, and took her best guess.
"Come on Cody. If you're trying to politely let me know you'd like something other than Mom's soup, that's OK, you can tell me."
The little boy, already scared, now feared that he would not be able to make his older friend understand. He desperately made eye contact with her, and seized her hand as hard as he could. Cody brought Yolei's hand up to his own throat. Shaking his head from side to side vigorously, he mouthed the words, "No sound, Yolei!" over and over again. His eyes begged her to understand. Yolei's coaxing expression faded quickly with realization and concern.
"Oh Cody. Oh Cody!" she understood. "I'll get you help." She raced out of Cody's bedroom, and down the hall to the Hida living room, where her Mom and Mrs. Hida sat waiting for Cody's Grandpa Hida. Subtlety had never been one of the girl's strong points, and she had no time for it now. "Cody's awake but I don't think he can talk anymore!"
It seemed like Mrs. Hida was instantly at her son's room. Seeing him mouthing the words "Mom, I'm sorry." and struggling vainly to give them voice as he saw her in his doorway was almost more than the already grieved woman could bear. Still, if it took every last ounce of strength she had left, she would not let her own grief and fear weigh on her son now. She would be the grieving widow later, it was time to be the concerned Mom. She made sure that's how she looked and sounded to Cody. She came over and hugged him firmly, then looked him at him squarely saying, "Cody, I understand something's wrong, don't strain yourself trying anymore. Is your throat sore?" He shook his head no. "Open up and let me have a look." The boy obeyed and opened up his mouth wide. Nothing looked inflamed. She checked his forehead and found no fever. "I need to have a doctor look at you Cody." she told him truthfully. He silently winced and his mother saw the defeated look Cody only used when he had disappointed himself. She hugged him again, "Cody don't blame yourself, this obviously isn't your fault." The woman thought of something more seriously and added very carefully, "You know that none of this is your fault. Cody it's really important to me that you know that, OK." He looked at her and knew what she meant. He nodded. She held him close and rocked him, relieved. She got up, allowing him to stay sitting up in bed. "I'm just going into the other room to call the doctor. I'll send Yolei back in here with you. Oh, and Grandpa Hida will be here soon too."
Cody looked up, concerned. Grandpa Hida had to be formally received in the house. It was a custom of respect that Dad always observed. Grandpa Hida had told the boy many stories about great warrior families where the role of a slain father always fell to the oldest son. Cody realized he was now the "man" of the Hida household, it would be his responsibility to observe such customs now. He had to get up and get dressed, the doctor would have to wait. He threw his cover off and was about to climb out of bed when his mother stopped him. "No Cody. I think I know what you want to do, but I want you to stay in bed as you are until I can get you checked out, I'm sorry but that's final. Grandpa will understand." Cody obediently stayed in bed. His Mom started out the bedroom door, and met Yolei coming in with a large bowl of soup on a tray.
"This is for Cody." the girl explained.
"Thank you Yolei. I'm sure he needs it. Please stay here and make sure he doesn't move from his bed while I see about a doctor for him." said Mrs. Hida gratefully.
"Don't worry," Yolei confided to her, "I'm going to make him eat every bite of this so he'll be too stuffed to move." The young girl was serious, but the humor of her statement touched the troubled woman greatly.
Mrs. Inoue was already on the phone with a pediatrician she knew would make a house call if necessary. Hanging up, she told Minako not to trouble herself because a very capable doctor was on the way. Minako was very grateful for this kindness and all the help the Inoues were providing today. Trying to express her thanks, she lost all the composure she'd mustered for Cody's sake and broke down again. Mrs. Inoue guided Minako to the couch and sat with her until someone knocked at the apartment door. Both women knew it was too soon to be the doctor. It had to be the senior Mr. Hida. Minako moved to get up and answer the door, but Mrs. Inoue was up first. "Sit and rest Minako. I can see him inside." Mrs. Inoue opened up the apartment door and saw Hiroki's father. The older man, while concerned to see someone other than his daughter-in-law answer the door, greeted her.
"I'm Mr. Hida, Hiroki's father. I've come to be with his family."
Mrs. Inoue greeted him by explaining who she was and expressing great sympathy for his loss. Then she ushered him in to Minako. His daughter-in-law stood to greet him. The elder Mr. Hida was not a tall man, but age had not diminished his physical presence. He often described himself to his grandson as "spry". Mr. Hida embraced Minako, and he maintained his hold as he helped her sit back down on the couch. It was a sad thing to outlive one's child, but the older man knew that Hiroki had belonged more to his own wife and child than to him for some time. Their loss was greater today. He comforted his son's widow. "Daughter, you were my son's strength and love, your son was his joy and light. Let me be your strength now and lighten your burdens in this time of sorrow. Please tell me everything that has happened and everything that still needs to be done. I'm glad to know that my son's family has such friends in their neighbors, but I can tell there are things you have held back in grief. Let them be my burdens now, and take nothing more upon yourself today."
Minako Hida related everything to her father-in-law in private, finally finding someone close enough and strong enough to share the most wrenching details with. She held nothing back about the last night or this day: Hiroki's rare night duty, the late night phone call, taking Cody to the Inoues', the ride to the hospital, the unsuccessful attempt to save Hiroki, the necessity of identifying the body, and the sketchiest of details surrounding the shooting itself because Hiroki's assignment had been some kind of diplomatic security. She continued with the events of the day: returning to the apartment building, having to tell Cody, how badly the boy took the news, coming home, dealing with calls from police officials, initial funeral arrangements, and finally Cody's sudden loss of speech and requiring the boy to remain in bed until a doctor arrived. Letting go of these things, much less explaining them took both time and effort. Minako was clearly exhausted when finished.
Mr. Hida told her. "It is wise that you kept Cody at rest daughter, and I think it will be even wiser if you got some rest now yourself." She objected, saying she couldn't possibly rest until she was more sure of Cody's condition. The older man insisted. "Until the doctor who is coming has seen Cody there is little else to do. You will want to be at your best when the doctor has something to tell you, for that you need rest too." He turned to Mrs. Inoue. "Please see her to her room, while I see my grandson." The sensible Mrs. Inoue took charge of Minako, who reluctantly agreed because she was so very tired.
Mr. Hida made his way to Cody's room. The door was slightly ajar and he could see a young girl fussing over his grandson, who was just finishing a meal she had obviously prepared. So this was Cody's friend Yolei Inoue. The elder knocked on the boy's door as he swung it open. "Greetings, my grandson. I see they are treating you well." Cody's eyes lit up for the first time that day. The fact that he only mouthed a shout of "Grandpa!" was proof enough that he couldn't speak. Yolei barely had time to move the lunch tray before Cody bounded out of his bed. The boy was about to rush to the older man when he stopped himself. He could still receive his Grandpa into his room. Of course Cody realized he was still in his pajamas, and for now he couldn't talk. His reception wouldn't be ideal, but it was the best he could offer today. Cody put his feet together and arms at his side. The boy looked at his Grandpa and bowed as deeply as he could while still standing, then gestured the man in. Yolei noted that Cody's grandfather did not cross the threshold of the room until Cody finished. Circumstances may have made such formality unnecessary today, but the older Mr. Hida let the boy have the moment. Grandpa Hida stepped into the room and returned the boy's bow. "Thank you Cody. I am most honored by your greeting." With that he let the boy fall into his arms, and held him.
Yolei decided to make herself scarce and let Cody be with his Grandpa. She made her exit saying, "Excuse me while I clear this tray away."
"Thank you child, you are most kind." offered Cody's Grandpa.
Yolei decided as long as she was clearing dishes away she could wash them as well just to be helpful. She was just about to get started when the Hida's doorbell rang. The girl called out quickly "I'll get it!" She went to the door and a moment later she called out "It's Dr. Kusho here for Cody!"
The pediatrician, Dr. Kusho, examined Cody in the presence of his mother inside the boy's room while Grandpa Hida and the two Inoues waited back in the living room. When the doctor was finished he and Mrs. Hida joined the others, Yolei noticed Cody's Mom looked only slightly more relieved. Minako let Dr. Kusho explain things.
"First of all," the doctor began, "My condolences to everyone on the death in the family. The good news here is that Cody appears to be physically healthy. All his vital signs are normal and stable. His condition causes him no pain."
"Condition?" Yolei wondered. "I thought you said Cody was OK?"
Dr. Kusho clarified. "Physically he's in no immediate danger, but there is a reason he can't talk."
Grandpa Hida spoke up. "Just what is that reason doctor?"
The doctor continued. "Yes, of course sir, I'm getting to that now. Cody's vocal chords are paralyzed, temporarily I'm sure. I would say this paralysis is an extreme manifestation of sympathetic shock in reaction to the news about his father."
Mrs. Hida looked pitifully at Grandpa Hida. "I swear I told him as gently as I thought I could. I almost wish I didn't tell him ... but I had to."
"Daughter of course you did, and no one else could have. Neither you nor Cody could have predicted this reaction, so don't blame yourself." When the older man had consoled her he continued with the doctor. "You say this paralysis is temporary? How long will it last?"
Dr. Kusho clarified again, "I said I believe it's temporary sir. It's clear the shock has impacted on an involuntary level. It's a physical sign of a coping mechanism -- he had to lose something too or shut down completely, so he's lost the ability to speak but otherwise functions normally. As soon as Cody can voluntarily begin to handle the impact of his father's death, he should regain the ability to speak. I'd like to do a series of tests at the hospital, but Cody has indicated his refusal to go, and Mrs. Hida has sided with him."
Minako explained, "Cody wants to be here with me now, and he normally hates to have people fuss over him. As long as he's not in physical harm I won't make him go through that away from home."
Grandpa Hida nodded. "My grandson may have lost his speech for now, but he knows his own mind. We'll keep a close eye on him though, if his voice does not return soon we will bring him in for the tests you recommend."
Dr. Kusho sighed. "Very well. However, I think it's important that no one press Cody to speak before he's ready. Keep him home from school, and keep him resting today, but afterwards it shouldn't be necessary to keep him in bed."
"Yes doctor." Minako agreed.
"Good. I'll be in touch to see how he does. Again, my condolences to you all." With that, Dr. Kusho left.
Mrs. Inoue indicated that her other children would be returning from school, so she and Yolei would be leaving to give the Hidas time to themselves. She added that if their help was needed again at any time they would only be a phone call away. Yolei said their goodbyes to Cody, promising him to see him soon and lovingly ordering him to feel better soon. The Inoues headed home with the Hidas many thanks.
Mr. Hida insisted he could settle himself into the apartment's small guest room himself. This left Minako free to be with Cody. He was still dutifully in bed and no longer flustered by the disruption of medical attention. Cody was paging through a set of his beginner storybooks, he would be an excellent reader. Minako came and sat down beside him, so he put his book down. She spoke to him gently "Cody I want to make sure you understand what the doctor was telling you about your voice. He thinks that you're not ready talk yet after what happened to Dad, even though you want to. But Cody, please don't worry about it. When you are ready your voice will come back. You can't force it, you'll just know when you're ready. Until then, nobody will make you try to talk, and promise me you won't try until you know you're ready, please." The boy nodded and she hugged him. "Thank you Cody. There are difficult days ahead, but I'll let you be a part of as much as I can because I know you want to be. Together we'll get through them."
Cody Hida knew this was true. As bad as this day had been, the days ahead would be hard. He would have to say goodbye to his father. Six-year old Cody Hida also wondered if he would be as unready to talk again as he was unready to step into his father's role, as he felt he must.