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Spoilers: There most likely is.
Dedication: To those who have told me they like my
stories.
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Fade
to Black
Chapter
4
I sat and stared at the space in the doorway that Angel had occupied only moments before and knew my life was once again going to be turned ass over feet like it had the very first time I met him and I wasn't sure where to begin sorting out the mess.
//
Is there a problem ma'am?
Yeah there's a problem. Why are you following me?
I know what you're thinking. I don't bite.
//
I wasn't really focused in on anything, well except Angel; my mind was too preoccupied to focus. So preoccupied that I didn't hear Kevin come into the room.
"Hey."
I turned my head to see Kevin leaning on the doorframe almost hesitant to come in. Come to think of it, it looked as if he was waiting for an invitation or else he was otherwise denied just like a vampire.
"Hey. You can come in and sit down."
"I know, I just wasn't …I didn't want to bother you."
I couldn't help the guilty feelings that surged through me.
"You…you don't bother me Kevin."
"Could've fooled me."
Kevin's words were so soft that if I hadn't had the enhanced super hearing of a Slayer I wouldn't have heard him. Again I felt my cheeks flush, stained with guilt. It was in that moment that I knew Angel or no Kevin and I were done.
There was an awkward silence that hung thickly in the air and before I could say anything further to Kevin the doctor walked in.
"Miss Summer's?"
"Yes."
"I…I'll catch up with you later Buffy."
"We'll talk later. Promise."
He just nodded and I reached out and took his hand and squeezed it gently. I gave him a weak smile and he leaned in and kissed my cheek.
"Goodbye Buffy."
"Goodbye Kevin."
With tears in my eyes I watched him retreat out of my room and it pulled at my heart to know that his goodbye was permanent. I turned my attentions back to my doctor who had busied himself with forms while I spoke to Kevin.
"So what's the scoop?" I asked trying not to sound as if my whole world was just pulled out from underneath me.
"Well Buffy, we can't find any medical reason for the episode you had yesterday.
"So what does that mean for me?"
"That means…that you are coming home with Willow and me and we are going to make you rest and get better even if it means I have to tie you to the bed and sit on you if you misbehave." Xander quipped as he and Willow and Giles wandered back into the room.
"So I'm going home?"
"Yes I am going to discharge you this afternoon. I want you to rest and I have given instructions to your friends as to what your limitations are. If you experience anything similar to yesterday then I want you to come right back here okay?"
"Yes doctor."
"Remember Buffy, rest."
"Yes cause if your bad…(Xander pulled out a pair of handcuffs and smiled evilly) are you feeling bad Buffy?"
SMACK
"Wh…wh…what? Can I just say OW?"
"You are so disgusting Xander. I'm having major
gross imagery, no offense Buffy, it's just Xander…bondage…"
After unwittingly allowing that mental image to
form.
"EWWWWWWWWW," Willow and I said in unison.
"Okay now that hurts." Xander replied with a
hangdog look on his face.
"Yes, quite. If we could maybe do without any
references to Xander's sexual fantasies."
"Sorry Buffy, Willow, Giles. I'll just start taking
Buffy's stuff down to the car.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The gang had wanted to make a production about me being home from the hospital but I feigned fatigue and managed to convince them that all I wanted to do was curl up on my couch under my comfy blanket and watch TV until I fell asleep.
We arrived at my condo and they all came in and began hovering. It became quite apparent that it was going to take some doing to get a little Buffy alone time.
"Guys I thought we went over this. I'm tired and I'm going to veg out. You know lay like broccoli in front of the boob tube until I pass out."
I watched as Xander paced back and forth in my living room. I knew what was buzzing around in that head of his just from the intense look on his face and so I sat down on the couch and just waited for the inevitable.
Xander was so predictable. I almost had to bite back a smile as I watched him muster of the courage to begin his speech because as fucked up as he thought I might be I was still the Slayer and could wipe the floor with his ass. He stopped pacing and I began to count. 5…4…3…2…1…
"Buffy." Bingo!
"Buffy about Kevin…"
"Kevin is none of your business."
"Yes I know but…"
"No buts, Kevin is my business and I don't want to discuss him with you."
"You're going to break up with him aren't you?"
"Xander."
He wasn't going to let up on this. I could see that much in his eyes and the fact that he was blatantly ignoring the warning I held in my voice.
"And another one bites the dust. Why Buffy, Kevin is a nice guy. What did he do?"
All right he wants to do this fine. I just hope he remembers that when you play with fire you always get burned. I take a deep breath, stood up and then looked him plainly and squarely in the eye.
"I know Kevin is a nice guy Xander. They've all been nice. Believe me I feel guilty as all hell for what has happened with Kevin, with all of them but there's nothing I can do about it."
"You can too do something. You just don't want to. I think you enjoy this Buffy pity party."
"Xander you walk a mile in my shoes and then you judge me."
"I have Buffy. I'm there every step of the way with you. I have fought what you have, seen what you've seen, I understand so don't tell me…"
I could feel my blood begin to boil and I suddenly didn't care about saving face anymore. To put it quite plainly I snapped.
"Don't you DARE try to tell me that you understand. You understand shit Xander. My life hasn't been my own since I turned fifteen. YOU didn't have your life ripped upside down because you were supposed to be some chosen one. YOU didn't have your parents spilt up because of their "problem child". YOU didn't have your so called friends totally snub you even after you saved their miserable asses from vampires who would have drain their pathetic lives dry had I not been there. YOU didn't have to see your Watcher die because you weren't good enough. YOU didn't have to move to a completely new town only to find out that you are sitting on top of the worlds fucking largest demon magnet. YOU don't have any idea what it's been like for me everyday since I became the Slayer."
I was shaking with both anger and grief. Xander took a step towards me but I pulled away. I wasn't finished.
"I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask to be the Slayer. I didn't ask to have my normal life ripped from my hands. You know where the door is. I suggest you use it."
With that I turned on my heel and stormed down the hall and slammed my bedroom door so loudly behind me that the walls shook. Sometimes Slayer strength wasn't a good thing.
Things got real quiet in the living room and I paced my room trying to get control of the rage that was flowing through my veins chilling me like ice. I began doing Tai chi, remembering how Angel and I had done it to gain focus. I don't know how much time had passed before I ventured out towards my kitchen. I walked out and down the hall but instead of turning right towards my little kitchenette I turned left back towards my living room. Sitting in the dark quietly was Willow.
Seeing her sitting there somehow made something click in my heart and my head.
"You knew about Angel didn't you?" Although it was a question it sounded like a statement.
"Yes, I did."
I knew in my heart that it was true. I had seen it in her eyes earlier at the hospital, felt it when she squeezed my hand but to hear that come from her mouth. To hear the actual words 'yes I did' come out of Willow's mouth. Needless to say it hurt.
"Cordelia and I have stayed in touch over the years. You know keeping each other apprised of the going's on in our respective cities."
"You mean gossiping about me and Angel."
"It wasn't like that Buffy."
Is that how he found me? Is that how he happened to be on that beach?
"Angel being here was a pure coincidence. He didn't know we where talking either." She said as if she could read my thoughts. "So what are you going to do?"
"I'm going to start with hello."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: What can I say…I need it…I crave it…. Feedback. How am I doing?