TITLE: Dancin' On The Flames O' The Broken
AUTHOR: Ananova Crowe
DISCLAIMER: ...clowns are evil...Wolvie will save me... :0)
"Hey there sugah. How do ya feel?" Ah brush his chocolate brown hair outta his face, watchin' as his crimson eyes slowly flutter open. Ah smile down on 'im to try an' hide mah growin' concern, but ah could tell he knew.
Mah other gloved hand is clamped tight o'round his limp hand, tryin' ta hold mah baby as close ta me as Beast'll allow. But my heart definitely don't feel that it is enough. Ah wanta scream an' lash out at the big blue hairball, but ah restrain mahself.
That ain't gonna help nothin'. So ah bury mah anger deep inside o' mah soul an' hide 'em away inta the darkness. They'll be safe there fer a while, at least 'til they escape. But that don't matter much right now, all that matter's is Remy.
He's pretty much all that ever mattered, at least ta me. He's the only one ah shared a bond with, well, ah guess ah'm kin ta Nightcrawler, but that just ain't the same. I'm not sayin' that the X-Men don't matter ta me, but they belong in a different place o' mah heart.
Remy tries ta mumble somethin' through the oxygen mask, but ah can't make it out, which kinda unburies mah anger a little bit. But ah hafta stay strong fer Remy an' the X-Men, ah can't go losin' my head over not hearin' some words.
In some way, right now ah feel kinda like Wolvie, that ravegin' monster livin' deep inside o' me, just waintin' ta get out. Ah've felt his monster b'fore, when ah touched 'im and part o' 'im went inside o' me.
It's like you're stuck in a livin' nightmare and can't never escape its nasty clutches, frankly ah don't know how Wolvie can do it. But all ah know is that ah didn't much like it, in fact, ah'm scared of it.
Just like ah'm scared fer Remy now; he ain't fairin' so well. He's all covered in bruises an' wounds. But that don't make 'im any less attractive ta my eyes, he's still mah hero. He took a plasma blast in the stomach an' saved me, which somehow ah don't feel that ah deserve.
Remy jerks lightly, the sedatives Beast just flushed inta his system beginnin' ta kick in. Ah can feel his heat through mah glove an' ah give his shakin' hand a reassurin' squeeze. Ah try ta hold mahself tagether as he slips back under.
The heart monitor off ta mah side seems like it wants me ta rip it ta shreds, or at least that's what ah wanta do to it. Mah feelins' are ragin' a bloody battle over mah heart, an' don't much help me cope with mah fear.
Just after Remy's eyes close, a tear escapes from mah clutches an' travels lightly down mah cheek, drippin' onta his bandaged chest. Ah wanta drop ta mah knees an' tear out mah eyes, but a pair o' big, blue hands wraps o'round mah shoulders.
Ah can't look at Beast, all ah can do is bury mah face in mah hands and run outta the room, avoidin' everyone that ah can in the hallways. It ain't easy, but somehow ah manage ta make my way ta my room without havin' ta speak ta anyone.
Once ah reach mah room, ah'm just about ready ta collapse, so ah throw mahself onta the bed an' bury mah face, cryin' mah heart out. Ah can't see nothin' through the darkness but Remy's face, which only brings on more o' the burnin' tears.
When ah'm sick o' cryin' an' got no more tears left in me ah get up an' roughly brush away the drowned tears, forcin' the thoughts outta mah mind. I try ta focus on somethin' else, anythin' that'll take mah mind offa Remy.
A drink. Suddenly ah got this naggin' yearnin' fer some beer, as if ah'm relivin' the experience o' absorbin' Wolvie when ah touched 'im. Like mah gut's on fire an' the only thing to put that out is a big, tall bottle o' ice-cold beer.
Without delay, ah run outta the school an' take a direct flight ta the tavern not too distant from the school. Ah land a way back in the woods, makin' sure no one sees me flyin'. Yeah, ah can fly.
Y'See, ah use ta belong ta the Brotherhood an' Mystique use ta be my adopted mamma. She gave me love an' joy an' trained me as soon as she could. But a while inta my trainin' we got tangled with Miss Marvel an' ah used mah powers ta stop her.
It hurt ta touch her, like it hurts gettin' punched square in the nose with a pair o' brass knuckles. An' ah was screamin' at mah mamma ta help me, but she kept sayin' that ah had ta hold onta her, an' couldn't let go.
Pretty soon, ah could feel Marvel seepin' under mah skin an' clutchin' ta mah organs like a tapeworm, an' with her came her powers. That's also how ah got mah strength, which comes in pretty handy when the X-Men get inta a brawl.
Ah can already hear the boomin' music even from the slush-covered parkin' lot, snow banks gathered tall around the buildin'. Just from the taste o' the air an' the reek seepin' through the wood, ah know this ain't gonna be a pretty time.
But mah mood's just as bad, maybe even darker than the smoke cloaked tavern as ah enter. Then ah'm hit full force with the stench that can't be described as nothin' more than flamin' nasty.
Somehow, ah spot Wolvie at the far side o' the tavern, his back ta me while he's leanin' over the countertop. Ah'm kinda surprised that ah didn't catch his Jeep in the parkin' lot, but the faint confusion only whispers its presence before disappearin'.
Ah feel people watchin' me, their eyes all focused sharp on me as ah make mah way slowly ta Wolvie, givin' cold looks ta all the one's ah catch lookin' at me. Wolvie doesn't hear me comin', no surprise fer how noisy the tavern is anyway.
Without a word, ah slip down onta the barstool next ta him an' pull the cigar from his lips, takin' a long, soothin' puff. He just kinda looks at me as ah place the cigar idly back in his mouth, facin' the stained counter.
"Things ain't goin' so well?" The words sting when they hit me, but ah know that Wolvie was never one fer sensative words, so ah just shake mah head. I think he somehow figured that that hurt me, 'cause he doesn't say somethin' else.
"You want somethin' gorgeous?" Ah look up ta an old, scarred man who looked like he'd been through a meat processor. One eye was hidden beneath a fold o' skin that looked like he had sown down himself.
"Ah'll have what he has…" I mumble, poitin' to Wolvie who only silently takes out his cigar an' drowns it with his beer. B'fore ah can move, the bartender shoves a beer inta my face an' turns away as if ah'm nothin' but a fly.
Frankly, ah'm too sad ta care 'bout it much so ah take a huge swallow o' beer that tastes not far from engine grease an' burns like acid on the way down. Suddenly ah'm coughin' up a fit for at least half a minute b'fore the nasty liquid's down mah esophagus.
"Sorry darlin'," Wolvie raises his hand and wraps it o'round mah shoulder, pullin' my in so ah'm leanin' against his shoulder. The soft leather o' his jacket is soft underneath mah cheek an' bury mah face in it, takin' in his smell.
"That's alright," Ah choke out, mah voice blistered an' crackin' as a cough out the words. Stingin' tears burn mah eyes as ah feel the acid hit mah stomach, and makes an' immediate U-turn. An' b'fore ah know it, ah'm leanin' over ta the other side o' me an' pukin' up mah guts.
Ah'm too sad ta really care what ah'm doin' but in some odd way pukin' makes me feel good. Like it's cleanin' out all the junk inside o' me an' leavin' 'em dyin' on the floor. Ah feel good until ah realize that ah've just puked out mah guts onta the floor.
Ah feel like ah'm dyin'. Like there are nine-inch adamantium claws piercin' the soft flesh o' my heart an' rippin' it outta mah chest. They burn like fire, probably my fear that ah pushed down inside o' me when ah was with Remy, but ah don't care.
Ah can feel Wolvie's arms o'round me as ah stop pukin', feelin' like someone has just ripped out everythin' inside o' me an' left me ta die. Somehow, dyin' doesn't seem that bad right now, but that would be the easy way out. Failure.
Slowly, Wolvie lifts me ta my feet an' we make our way outta the tavern, now ah can feel the eyes starin' cruelly at me, judgin' me. And now fer some reason, ah care. It takes too long ta get ta the front o' the tavern an' ah'm already startin' ta feel the consequences o' the drink.
Wolvie's scared fer me, ah can feel it radiatin' off o' him like the sun. He leads me outta the tavern an' across the parkin' lot, helpin' me inta the passenger seat o' his Jeep. We don't say nothin', 'cause there's nothin' really ta be said.
Wolvie just stands there, starin' at me as ah stare right back at 'im, neither of us movin'. Both of us are thinkin' hard about what just happened in the tavern, but still have nothin' ta talk about. Ah feel like a little uncapable child who can't take care o' mahself, but Wolvie is dealin' with me an' mah problems as best as he can, an' what he knows how ta do.
"Ah can't ride with you Wolvie," ah mutter, beginnin' ta work up mah energy ta get outta the Jeep. He only stands there silently, watchin' me with his beautiful blue eyes. "It just don't feel right…" Words that would come back ta me later, but are ignored.
With a grunt, ah push mahself up outta the Jeep, wrappin' mah fingers around the icy roll-cage bar that extends down by the side o' the door. Wolvie only moves outta the way, lettin' me go. A part o' mean wants him ta disprove me ta go an' stand in mah way, but it ain't winnin'.
Ah take a few steps b'fore stumblin' over mah own feet, takin' a face dive inta a bank o' foul snow. Ah can't move, so ah lie there as ah feel the snow begin ta melt from the heat from my cheeks.
"I take it you're not in the condition to fly home…" Ah heard Logan grunt as he lifted me from the snow bank an' carries mah limp body back ta the Jeep. Again he puts me in the passenger's seat, fixin' it so it's lyin' back like a recliner.
All ah can do is whimper my sorrow an' curl inta a ball, tears beginnin' ta stream down mah face. Ah close mah eyes as he takes off his leather jacket an' wraps it o'round me, tryin' ta keep me warm as he buckles me in.
Without another word, we drive home. Ah can feel the heater blowin' hot air towards mah knees an' it feels real nice. Ah barely open mah tear-filled eyes ta look over at 'im, his hard, scruffy face ignited in the oncomin' headlights.
Ah watch 'im squirm uncomfortably in his seat, knowin' that ah'm watchin' 'im. He glances over ta me an' plasters on a plastic smile, not that ah don't appreciate the effort. But his smile only weakens me further as we pull inta the school's garage.
Ah can't move at all, like mah limbs are prosthetic an' ah can't feel 'em or command 'em. So without sayin' more than a grunt, Wolvie picks me up from the seat an' carries me inta the school like a child.
Ah wrap mah arms around his neck, buryin' mah face inta his plaid shirt an' takin' in his familiar smell. Ah'm hopin' that no one'll notice us, but as soon as the door closes Colossus steps outta the kitchen.
"You alright?" He asked, his Russian accent heavy as he talks. "She's fine," Logan flashes him a cold glance an' he backs down, noddin' his head as he walks by. Fer some reason, mah arm leaves Logan's neck an' touches Colossus on the back o' the shoulder.
Immediately, ah can feel Colossus seep inta me, his mutant powers wrappin' o'round mah bones an' layin' ready just beneath mah skin. Maybe it was an accident that mah hand did that, or maybe some little dark thing in the depths of mah soul is expectin' somethin'.
Wolvie carries me straight ta mah room an' lays me down in mah bed, takin' off mah shoes an' buryin' me under the covers. Just as he's about ta leave, ah grab the collar o' his shirt, pullin' him close ta me.
"Don't tell Beast, please." I whisper, though mah whisper sounds more like someone gratin' two cement rocks o'cross each other ta let me speak. He thinks about it fer a minute b'fore noddin' his head slowly, acceptin' mah request.
Ah can tell he doesn't like it, but he respects mah wishes. He kinda just stands there awkwardly, until ah realize that ah'm still holdin' his shirt collar. Reluctantly ah let go, lettin' him stand back up.
He only flicks his eyes back an' forth, not really knowin' what ta do or what ta say. His fingers are drummin' nervously on the side o' his thighs. "Hey Logan?" Ah suddenly say, not really knowin' where the words are comin' from.
"Yeah darlin'?" He asks gruffly, his scratchy words sendin' a chill down mah spine, makin' me shiver a little. Some strange feelin' is takin' control of me an' ah ain't gonna stop it, it feels too good.
"Will you?" Ah whisper purposely, intentionally makin' 'im bend down ta hear me. "What was that darlin'? I couldn't here ya." He says, his ear inches away from my quiverin' lips. "Make it hurt," Ah whisper seductively, almost so quiet ah can't even here myself.
"What?" He asks, his eyebrows go shootin' up on his forehead in surprise, an' all ah can do is smile wickedly. Suddenly, mah tongue flashes out and ah briefly touch the inside o' his ear; mah hands snappin' up ta keep 'im locked ta me.
"Rogue," His voice comes out shakin', like he wants it so bad, but it's just so wrong. "Hush bright eyes." Ah say, the evil side o' me takin' control an' warpin' mah mind. Colossus' power is shiftin' above mah skin an' turns it into impenetrable armor.
One o' mah hands sneaks out an' wraps o'round the back o' his head, pullin' 'im at an awkward angle so he falls onta the bed, across mah legs. "I can't." He protests, but mah lips are playin' over his neck.
"I know." Ah whisper, mah hands trailin' down his front ta the buttons o' his shirt. Slowly, ah begin ta undo 'em, mah lips still playin' at his neck an' now his shoulders. His skin feels like satin, sweat startin' ta moisten 'im as mah hands slide the shirt from 'im.
"It ain't right darlin'." He keeps objectin', but that don't stop me. Even though ah know he knows it's so wrong, he ain't gettin' up ta get away from me. An' it's when ah hear a faint moan escape his lips that ah know he ain't goin' nowhere.
He shakes his head, tears fillin' his clear blue eyes as he looks at me in trust and disapproval. "It's alright sugah, ah want it." Mah voice is husky as mah lips find the smooth curves o' his chest, mah tongue playin' out.
"Please darlin', it ain't right…" His cheek's restin' on top o' mah head, ah can feel his tears ticklin' mah scalp. "Shh," Ah coax, finally liftin' mah lips from 'im, his body heat on maximum high an' his cheeks flushed.
"Ah never seen yah embarrassed b'fore sugah…" Ah smile as ah pull a yellow, silk scarf outta the drawer in the bedside table, playin' with it between mah fingers. "Turn o'round." He only stares at me like ah'm crazy, an' in some sensible way that ain't that far off.
"Do it." Ah say more directly, but still not losin' the huskiness from mah words. He does as he's told, the smooth curves o' his back flauntin' in the soft light o' the room. Ah slip the scarf over the crown o' his head, slidin' it down the bridge o' his nose.
With practiced effort, ah tuck the scarf between his teeth, feelin' the pressure from his tongue movin' and pushin' against it. Ah lean over an' place mah lips against the base o' his spine, feelin' the top o' his jeans sweep mah chin.
His skin tightens inta tiny bumps as ah move up; placin' little pecks slowly up his spine an' runnin' mah hands slowly down his sides. Mah newly armored arms wrap o'round his belly, his hands claspin' mah wrists as they slide down ta his belt buckle.
He's shakin' his head still, tears slippin' down his red cheeks and landin' softly on mah arms as ah undo his belt, slidin' it slowly from his waist. Ah throw it ta the ground, mah anxious hands itchy ta get closer ta 'im, but havin' ta respect 'im as well.
He's been mah friend through everythin' we ever been through, through life's ups an' downs an' twists an' turns, he's been there fer me no matter what. An' ah've been there fer 'im in a lot o' way too, comfortin' 'im when he ain't got no one else ta turn ta.
But the thing is, we never went this far with helpin' each other, it just ain't ever had to go that far, but now ah feel that this is the only way ta clear mah grievin'. His hands lock on mah wrists as ah move ta the button on his jeans, mah fingertips playin' over the tiny letters.
"Please," He whispers vaguely through the silk, tears streamin' clear rivers down his cheeks, "Please don't do this." He sounds like a child, weepin' fer somethin' that he knows ain't gonna be stopped.
"It's alright sugah, ah ain't gonna hurt yah." Ah back off a bit, leavin' mah lips moist against his shakin' shoulders as he thinks about it. Mah powers are kept at bay through the armor that ah abducted from Colossus in the hallway.
Speakin' o' the walkin' iron wall, ah wonder if he's still lyin' dazed in the hallway or just goin' on his merry way. But merry ain't what Wolvie's feelin' right now that's fer sure. He's full o' grievin', pain, longin', regard, an' disapproval, ah can feel it surgin' through 'im.
Ah pry mah hands from his iron grip on mah wrists, comin' o'round the bed an' pushin' 'im back so ah'm on mah hands an knees over his body as he's lyin' on his back an' lookin' up at me.
Tears now run toward his temples, his crown o' silken hair smashed an' splayed against the disturbed covers of mah bed, lookin' as beautiful as ever. His big, blue eyes stare at me so compassionately that ah can't hold back.
Ah sit up on mah knees, easily pullin' off mah shirt an' lettin' Wolvie drink me in. He closes his eyes an' turns away from me, tryin' ta close me out. But ah ain't givin' up, so with a gentle hand ah pick up one o' his hands and hold against the top o' mah chest.
He breathes heavily now, his callused; shakin' fingers fightin' ta get away. Finally, he looks back up ta me, his blue eyes filled with yearnin'. The tears have stopped though; as if he has finally grasped that ah ain't gonna let 'im go.
"Ah trust yah sugah, it's all right." Ah whisper ta 'im, leanin' down close ta his face, mah lips brushin' the tip o' his nose. Ah let 'im think about it fer a little bit b'fore he reaches up with his other hand an' strokes mah face, gettin' 'imself ready.
"That's it sugah." Ah coax 'im on, wantin' more an' more as he rubs his thumb across mah cheek, breathin' me in. Mah spidery fingers interlock with his as ah lean forward again, placin' mah lips in the cleft of his chest an' slowly make mah way down.
A soft moan escapes from between his lips, coaxing me down as ah inch closer an' closer. His fingers an' hands shake nervously as ah pause at his navel, wantin' 'im ta beg me forward. He does, so ah continue mah way down.
"Make it hurt darlin', take your pain out on me…"
AUTHOR: Ananova Crowe
DISCLAIMER: ...clowns are evil...Wolvie will save me... :0)
"Hey there sugah. How do ya feel?" Ah brush his chocolate brown hair outta his face, watchin' as his crimson eyes slowly flutter open. Ah smile down on 'im to try an' hide mah growin' concern, but ah could tell he knew.
Mah other gloved hand is clamped tight o'round his limp hand, tryin' ta hold mah baby as close ta me as Beast'll allow. But my heart definitely don't feel that it is enough. Ah wanta scream an' lash out at the big blue hairball, but ah restrain mahself.
That ain't gonna help nothin'. So ah bury mah anger deep inside o' mah soul an' hide 'em away inta the darkness. They'll be safe there fer a while, at least 'til they escape. But that don't matter much right now, all that matter's is Remy.
He's pretty much all that ever mattered, at least ta me. He's the only one ah shared a bond with, well, ah guess ah'm kin ta Nightcrawler, but that just ain't the same. I'm not sayin' that the X-Men don't matter ta me, but they belong in a different place o' mah heart.
Remy tries ta mumble somethin' through the oxygen mask, but ah can't make it out, which kinda unburies mah anger a little bit. But ah hafta stay strong fer Remy an' the X-Men, ah can't go losin' my head over not hearin' some words.
In some way, right now ah feel kinda like Wolvie, that ravegin' monster livin' deep inside o' me, just waintin' ta get out. Ah've felt his monster b'fore, when ah touched 'im and part o' 'im went inside o' me.
It's like you're stuck in a livin' nightmare and can't never escape its nasty clutches, frankly ah don't know how Wolvie can do it. But all ah know is that ah didn't much like it, in fact, ah'm scared of it.
Just like ah'm scared fer Remy now; he ain't fairin' so well. He's all covered in bruises an' wounds. But that don't make 'im any less attractive ta my eyes, he's still mah hero. He took a plasma blast in the stomach an' saved me, which somehow ah don't feel that ah deserve.
Remy jerks lightly, the sedatives Beast just flushed inta his system beginnin' ta kick in. Ah can feel his heat through mah glove an' ah give his shakin' hand a reassurin' squeeze. Ah try ta hold mahself tagether as he slips back under.
The heart monitor off ta mah side seems like it wants me ta rip it ta shreds, or at least that's what ah wanta do to it. Mah feelins' are ragin' a bloody battle over mah heart, an' don't much help me cope with mah fear.
Just after Remy's eyes close, a tear escapes from mah clutches an' travels lightly down mah cheek, drippin' onta his bandaged chest. Ah wanta drop ta mah knees an' tear out mah eyes, but a pair o' big, blue hands wraps o'round mah shoulders.
Ah can't look at Beast, all ah can do is bury mah face in mah hands and run outta the room, avoidin' everyone that ah can in the hallways. It ain't easy, but somehow ah manage ta make my way ta my room without havin' ta speak ta anyone.
Once ah reach mah room, ah'm just about ready ta collapse, so ah throw mahself onta the bed an' bury mah face, cryin' mah heart out. Ah can't see nothin' through the darkness but Remy's face, which only brings on more o' the burnin' tears.
When ah'm sick o' cryin' an' got no more tears left in me ah get up an' roughly brush away the drowned tears, forcin' the thoughts outta mah mind. I try ta focus on somethin' else, anythin' that'll take mah mind offa Remy.
A drink. Suddenly ah got this naggin' yearnin' fer some beer, as if ah'm relivin' the experience o' absorbin' Wolvie when ah touched 'im. Like mah gut's on fire an' the only thing to put that out is a big, tall bottle o' ice-cold beer.
Without delay, ah run outta the school an' take a direct flight ta the tavern not too distant from the school. Ah land a way back in the woods, makin' sure no one sees me flyin'. Yeah, ah can fly.
Y'See, ah use ta belong ta the Brotherhood an' Mystique use ta be my adopted mamma. She gave me love an' joy an' trained me as soon as she could. But a while inta my trainin' we got tangled with Miss Marvel an' ah used mah powers ta stop her.
It hurt ta touch her, like it hurts gettin' punched square in the nose with a pair o' brass knuckles. An' ah was screamin' at mah mamma ta help me, but she kept sayin' that ah had ta hold onta her, an' couldn't let go.
Pretty soon, ah could feel Marvel seepin' under mah skin an' clutchin' ta mah organs like a tapeworm, an' with her came her powers. That's also how ah got mah strength, which comes in pretty handy when the X-Men get inta a brawl.
Ah can already hear the boomin' music even from the slush-covered parkin' lot, snow banks gathered tall around the buildin'. Just from the taste o' the air an' the reek seepin' through the wood, ah know this ain't gonna be a pretty time.
But mah mood's just as bad, maybe even darker than the smoke cloaked tavern as ah enter. Then ah'm hit full force with the stench that can't be described as nothin' more than flamin' nasty.
Somehow, ah spot Wolvie at the far side o' the tavern, his back ta me while he's leanin' over the countertop. Ah'm kinda surprised that ah didn't catch his Jeep in the parkin' lot, but the faint confusion only whispers its presence before disappearin'.
Ah feel people watchin' me, their eyes all focused sharp on me as ah make mah way slowly ta Wolvie, givin' cold looks ta all the one's ah catch lookin' at me. Wolvie doesn't hear me comin', no surprise fer how noisy the tavern is anyway.
Without a word, ah slip down onta the barstool next ta him an' pull the cigar from his lips, takin' a long, soothin' puff. He just kinda looks at me as ah place the cigar idly back in his mouth, facin' the stained counter.
"Things ain't goin' so well?" The words sting when they hit me, but ah know that Wolvie was never one fer sensative words, so ah just shake mah head. I think he somehow figured that that hurt me, 'cause he doesn't say somethin' else.
"You want somethin' gorgeous?" Ah look up ta an old, scarred man who looked like he'd been through a meat processor. One eye was hidden beneath a fold o' skin that looked like he had sown down himself.
"Ah'll have what he has…" I mumble, poitin' to Wolvie who only silently takes out his cigar an' drowns it with his beer. B'fore ah can move, the bartender shoves a beer inta my face an' turns away as if ah'm nothin' but a fly.
Frankly, ah'm too sad ta care 'bout it much so ah take a huge swallow o' beer that tastes not far from engine grease an' burns like acid on the way down. Suddenly ah'm coughin' up a fit for at least half a minute b'fore the nasty liquid's down mah esophagus.
"Sorry darlin'," Wolvie raises his hand and wraps it o'round mah shoulder, pullin' my in so ah'm leanin' against his shoulder. The soft leather o' his jacket is soft underneath mah cheek an' bury mah face in it, takin' in his smell.
"That's alright," Ah choke out, mah voice blistered an' crackin' as a cough out the words. Stingin' tears burn mah eyes as ah feel the acid hit mah stomach, and makes an' immediate U-turn. An' b'fore ah know it, ah'm leanin' over ta the other side o' me an' pukin' up mah guts.
Ah'm too sad ta really care what ah'm doin' but in some odd way pukin' makes me feel good. Like it's cleanin' out all the junk inside o' me an' leavin' 'em dyin' on the floor. Ah feel good until ah realize that ah've just puked out mah guts onta the floor.
Ah feel like ah'm dyin'. Like there are nine-inch adamantium claws piercin' the soft flesh o' my heart an' rippin' it outta mah chest. They burn like fire, probably my fear that ah pushed down inside o' me when ah was with Remy, but ah don't care.
Ah can feel Wolvie's arms o'round me as ah stop pukin', feelin' like someone has just ripped out everythin' inside o' me an' left me ta die. Somehow, dyin' doesn't seem that bad right now, but that would be the easy way out. Failure.
Slowly, Wolvie lifts me ta my feet an' we make our way outta the tavern, now ah can feel the eyes starin' cruelly at me, judgin' me. And now fer some reason, ah care. It takes too long ta get ta the front o' the tavern an' ah'm already startin' ta feel the consequences o' the drink.
Wolvie's scared fer me, ah can feel it radiatin' off o' him like the sun. He leads me outta the tavern an' across the parkin' lot, helpin' me inta the passenger seat o' his Jeep. We don't say nothin', 'cause there's nothin' really ta be said.
Wolvie just stands there, starin' at me as ah stare right back at 'im, neither of us movin'. Both of us are thinkin' hard about what just happened in the tavern, but still have nothin' ta talk about. Ah feel like a little uncapable child who can't take care o' mahself, but Wolvie is dealin' with me an' mah problems as best as he can, an' what he knows how ta do.
"Ah can't ride with you Wolvie," ah mutter, beginnin' ta work up mah energy ta get outta the Jeep. He only stands there silently, watchin' me with his beautiful blue eyes. "It just don't feel right…" Words that would come back ta me later, but are ignored.
With a grunt, ah push mahself up outta the Jeep, wrappin' mah fingers around the icy roll-cage bar that extends down by the side o' the door. Wolvie only moves outta the way, lettin' me go. A part o' mean wants him ta disprove me ta go an' stand in mah way, but it ain't winnin'.
Ah take a few steps b'fore stumblin' over mah own feet, takin' a face dive inta a bank o' foul snow. Ah can't move, so ah lie there as ah feel the snow begin ta melt from the heat from my cheeks.
"I take it you're not in the condition to fly home…" Ah heard Logan grunt as he lifted me from the snow bank an' carries mah limp body back ta the Jeep. Again he puts me in the passenger's seat, fixin' it so it's lyin' back like a recliner.
All ah can do is whimper my sorrow an' curl inta a ball, tears beginnin' ta stream down mah face. Ah close mah eyes as he takes off his leather jacket an' wraps it o'round me, tryin' ta keep me warm as he buckles me in.
Without another word, we drive home. Ah can feel the heater blowin' hot air towards mah knees an' it feels real nice. Ah barely open mah tear-filled eyes ta look over at 'im, his hard, scruffy face ignited in the oncomin' headlights.
Ah watch 'im squirm uncomfortably in his seat, knowin' that ah'm watchin' 'im. He glances over ta me an' plasters on a plastic smile, not that ah don't appreciate the effort. But his smile only weakens me further as we pull inta the school's garage.
Ah can't move at all, like mah limbs are prosthetic an' ah can't feel 'em or command 'em. So without sayin' more than a grunt, Wolvie picks me up from the seat an' carries me inta the school like a child.
Ah wrap mah arms around his neck, buryin' mah face inta his plaid shirt an' takin' in his familiar smell. Ah'm hopin' that no one'll notice us, but as soon as the door closes Colossus steps outta the kitchen.
"You alright?" He asked, his Russian accent heavy as he talks. "She's fine," Logan flashes him a cold glance an' he backs down, noddin' his head as he walks by. Fer some reason, mah arm leaves Logan's neck an' touches Colossus on the back o' the shoulder.
Immediately, ah can feel Colossus seep inta me, his mutant powers wrappin' o'round mah bones an' layin' ready just beneath mah skin. Maybe it was an accident that mah hand did that, or maybe some little dark thing in the depths of mah soul is expectin' somethin'.
Wolvie carries me straight ta mah room an' lays me down in mah bed, takin' off mah shoes an' buryin' me under the covers. Just as he's about ta leave, ah grab the collar o' his shirt, pullin' him close ta me.
"Don't tell Beast, please." I whisper, though mah whisper sounds more like someone gratin' two cement rocks o'cross each other ta let me speak. He thinks about it fer a minute b'fore noddin' his head slowly, acceptin' mah request.
Ah can tell he doesn't like it, but he respects mah wishes. He kinda just stands there awkwardly, until ah realize that ah'm still holdin' his shirt collar. Reluctantly ah let go, lettin' him stand back up.
He only flicks his eyes back an' forth, not really knowin' what ta do or what ta say. His fingers are drummin' nervously on the side o' his thighs. "Hey Logan?" Ah suddenly say, not really knowin' where the words are comin' from.
"Yeah darlin'?" He asks gruffly, his scratchy words sendin' a chill down mah spine, makin' me shiver a little. Some strange feelin' is takin' control of me an' ah ain't gonna stop it, it feels too good.
"Will you?" Ah whisper purposely, intentionally makin' 'im bend down ta hear me. "What was that darlin'? I couldn't here ya." He says, his ear inches away from my quiverin' lips. "Make it hurt," Ah whisper seductively, almost so quiet ah can't even here myself.
"What?" He asks, his eyebrows go shootin' up on his forehead in surprise, an' all ah can do is smile wickedly. Suddenly, mah tongue flashes out and ah briefly touch the inside o' his ear; mah hands snappin' up ta keep 'im locked ta me.
"Rogue," His voice comes out shakin', like he wants it so bad, but it's just so wrong. "Hush bright eyes." Ah say, the evil side o' me takin' control an' warpin' mah mind. Colossus' power is shiftin' above mah skin an' turns it into impenetrable armor.
One o' mah hands sneaks out an' wraps o'round the back o' his head, pullin' 'im at an awkward angle so he falls onta the bed, across mah legs. "I can't." He protests, but mah lips are playin' over his neck.
"I know." Ah whisper, mah hands trailin' down his front ta the buttons o' his shirt. Slowly, ah begin ta undo 'em, mah lips still playin' at his neck an' now his shoulders. His skin feels like satin, sweat startin' ta moisten 'im as mah hands slide the shirt from 'im.
"It ain't right darlin'." He keeps objectin', but that don't stop me. Even though ah know he knows it's so wrong, he ain't gettin' up ta get away from me. An' it's when ah hear a faint moan escape his lips that ah know he ain't goin' nowhere.
He shakes his head, tears fillin' his clear blue eyes as he looks at me in trust and disapproval. "It's alright sugah, ah want it." Mah voice is husky as mah lips find the smooth curves o' his chest, mah tongue playin' out.
"Please darlin', it ain't right…" His cheek's restin' on top o' mah head, ah can feel his tears ticklin' mah scalp. "Shh," Ah coax, finally liftin' mah lips from 'im, his body heat on maximum high an' his cheeks flushed.
"Ah never seen yah embarrassed b'fore sugah…" Ah smile as ah pull a yellow, silk scarf outta the drawer in the bedside table, playin' with it between mah fingers. "Turn o'round." He only stares at me like ah'm crazy, an' in some sensible way that ain't that far off.
"Do it." Ah say more directly, but still not losin' the huskiness from mah words. He does as he's told, the smooth curves o' his back flauntin' in the soft light o' the room. Ah slip the scarf over the crown o' his head, slidin' it down the bridge o' his nose.
With practiced effort, ah tuck the scarf between his teeth, feelin' the pressure from his tongue movin' and pushin' against it. Ah lean over an' place mah lips against the base o' his spine, feelin' the top o' his jeans sweep mah chin.
His skin tightens inta tiny bumps as ah move up; placin' little pecks slowly up his spine an' runnin' mah hands slowly down his sides. Mah newly armored arms wrap o'round his belly, his hands claspin' mah wrists as they slide down ta his belt buckle.
He's shakin' his head still, tears slippin' down his red cheeks and landin' softly on mah arms as ah undo his belt, slidin' it slowly from his waist. Ah throw it ta the ground, mah anxious hands itchy ta get closer ta 'im, but havin' ta respect 'im as well.
He's been mah friend through everythin' we ever been through, through life's ups an' downs an' twists an' turns, he's been there fer me no matter what. An' ah've been there fer 'im in a lot o' way too, comfortin' 'im when he ain't got no one else ta turn ta.
But the thing is, we never went this far with helpin' each other, it just ain't ever had to go that far, but now ah feel that this is the only way ta clear mah grievin'. His hands lock on mah wrists as ah move ta the button on his jeans, mah fingertips playin' over the tiny letters.
"Please," He whispers vaguely through the silk, tears streamin' clear rivers down his cheeks, "Please don't do this." He sounds like a child, weepin' fer somethin' that he knows ain't gonna be stopped.
"It's alright sugah, ah ain't gonna hurt yah." Ah back off a bit, leavin' mah lips moist against his shakin' shoulders as he thinks about it. Mah powers are kept at bay through the armor that ah abducted from Colossus in the hallway.
Speakin' o' the walkin' iron wall, ah wonder if he's still lyin' dazed in the hallway or just goin' on his merry way. But merry ain't what Wolvie's feelin' right now that's fer sure. He's full o' grievin', pain, longin', regard, an' disapproval, ah can feel it surgin' through 'im.
Ah pry mah hands from his iron grip on mah wrists, comin' o'round the bed an' pushin' 'im back so ah'm on mah hands an knees over his body as he's lyin' on his back an' lookin' up at me.
Tears now run toward his temples, his crown o' silken hair smashed an' splayed against the disturbed covers of mah bed, lookin' as beautiful as ever. His big, blue eyes stare at me so compassionately that ah can't hold back.
Ah sit up on mah knees, easily pullin' off mah shirt an' lettin' Wolvie drink me in. He closes his eyes an' turns away from me, tryin' ta close me out. But ah ain't givin' up, so with a gentle hand ah pick up one o' his hands and hold against the top o' mah chest.
He breathes heavily now, his callused; shakin' fingers fightin' ta get away. Finally, he looks back up ta me, his blue eyes filled with yearnin'. The tears have stopped though; as if he has finally grasped that ah ain't gonna let 'im go.
"Ah trust yah sugah, it's all right." Ah whisper ta 'im, leanin' down close ta his face, mah lips brushin' the tip o' his nose. Ah let 'im think about it fer a little bit b'fore he reaches up with his other hand an' strokes mah face, gettin' 'imself ready.
"That's it sugah." Ah coax 'im on, wantin' more an' more as he rubs his thumb across mah cheek, breathin' me in. Mah spidery fingers interlock with his as ah lean forward again, placin' mah lips in the cleft of his chest an' slowly make mah way down.
A soft moan escapes from between his lips, coaxing me down as ah inch closer an' closer. His fingers an' hands shake nervously as ah pause at his navel, wantin' 'im ta beg me forward. He does, so ah continue mah way down.
"Make it hurt darlin', take your pain out on me…"