Part 6
Boston, Thursday 7:45 am
It was just after sunrise when Bella and Hamilton returned to the airport. They sat in the waiting area as the time neared for Hamilton to board the plane. During the early morning , they trekked around the city, driving in Bella's truck, then getting off and taking the T, and later, exploring the city on foot. Hamilton should have been exhausted, considering the minimal amount of sleep he had been getting the past few days, but instead, he was like an excited little boy, eager to see things and go places. His energy surprised Bella, herself fighting fatigue. She didn't see him or speak to him much, so she mustered the power to keep on going.
She'd last seen Hamilton when he visited Rawley in August, just prior to his trip to Australia. His stay was brief—two days—and they were only able to see each other for lunch at Friendly's the day he left. When the wedding was canceled, she was furious with him for breaking Jake's heart and thought him selfish. As time passed, she learned to accept his choice and their friendship was renewed, even though it was never exactly the same.
It was strange, but they managed to get through the day without mentioning New York or Jake or what he was going to do when he got there. But very quickly, that changed.
"So Ham, you ready?" Bella questioned trying to sound nonchalant.
"Oh…yeah…well…"he sounded almost scared to answer her, "I am. I umm…I'm just nervous I guess. I don't know…maybe this is a big mistake."
Leaning in closer to him, she put her hand on his arm. "No, it's not Hamilton. Not going back would be a big mistake." He was still distraught and his fear now showed in his eyes. Bella wanted to do something to calm him down, yet she had no clue what she could do. Her mind raced thinking of what to say or do to help him and then it dawned on her. She opened her mouth and told Hamilton something that she had never told anyone.
"I was in love with Scout," she said plainly. This caught Hamilton's attention. She smiled at the change in his demeanor and continued. "I forced myself to believe that I wasn't. The truth is, I was mad for him. You see… when you take away the passion, the feeling, and the romance in a relationship and you discover that you still care about that person, that's love. And that's how I knew I loved him. Because, all of those things were taken away from our relationship—our strange, misguided one—and I found myself, still wanting to be with him. Still caring about him and loving him."
"Why did you tell him that you didn't love him when you actually did?"
"Because by the time I stopped lying to myself, we were graduating and our plans were made. And I didn't want to take any of that away from him. I loved him and I wanted him to move on with his life and on to better things. To leave behind the fantasy he had of what it would be like if we were together. So, I lied."
"Oh god Bella. I can't believe you put yourself through that."
"It got easier. It did," she assured him. "I survived."
She put her hand on his shoulder and went on. "I'm telling you this because I want you to know that Jake…she survived too. She might act as if she doesn't care and that she forgot about you, yet in fact, it's the exact opposite. I know, because I'm doing the same thing. If things were different, if I was different, then I would be doing what you're doing now. Things just aren't that way and its been too long. But you… it's not too late and things are different, but at the same time…they're not. Because one thing hasn't changed—you love her and she loves you."
They were interrupted suddenly when a voice boomed, "Flight 239 to New York City now boarding at Gate 31."
"Go Hamilton," she smiled and embraced him. "Don't give up."
He let go of her, flashed her a smile of confidence and headed into the tunnel, journeying closer to his destiny.
Unlike his previous flight, this one was less eventful. Instead, Hamilton sat in his seat, contemplating what he would say to her, what he would do when he saw her. Less than an hour and a half later, they landed in New York and soon Hamilton was in a cab on his way to a hotel. It was nearly 11 o'clock when he arrived at The Mercer, which was just a few minutes walk from Jake and Will's apartment. Depleted of energy, Hamilton dropped onto the bed and sighed, "I'm home Jake. I've come home for you."
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
New York, Thursday 12 :30 p.m.
"Oh man," grumbled Will, rubbing his eyes. The sun poured through his window, striking straight at his eyes. Realizing how late it was, he sat up, and winced in pain as his temples throbbed mercilessly.
"Ahh fuck!" he yelled placing his finger on both his temples, falling back down on the bed. He pulled the blanket off of him and rubbed his the sides of his face. "Now I remember why I hate getting drunk!"
The events of the hours since he left the bar were a little hazy. He remembered getting put in a cab, coming into the apartment, being carried up to his room, being tucked into bed by Jake and…wait…Jake! "Oh my god! What did I say to Jake?" he said frantically "Shit, Krudski. You are in deep shit. You come home, drunk as hell, and you say something to her, but like the idiot you are, you can't remember!" his mind screamed at him.
Will got out of bed and fumbled as he made his way to her room, using the wall as support. He opened the door to Jake's room to find her still in bed, bundled up under the blankets and hugging a pillow. He smiled at her, admiring how peaceful and calm she looked. It was a change from the Jake he had seen the past couple of days—nervous, preoccupied, not herself at all. She hadn't been getting much sleep either and it was good to see her finally rested.
"God you're beautiful," he whispered.
Jake stirred and rolled over which caused Will to panic. "Will?" she muttered. Slowly, she opened her eyes and set them on Will. "What are you doing in here?"
"I just came to see if you were up. And you weren't, but you are now—obviously."
"Are you okay Will? I mean, you come home smashed and start crazy talking. Some of the things you said earlier… I don't know. Something is definitely up."
He gave her a perplexed expression. Will knew he said something, but didn't know exactly what. "I don't know Jake. I was really out of it. I don't really recollect what I said to you."
"Well you said that you weren't lucky. That you didn't have me."
"I uhh…I don't know…I don't know what I meant. It was probably just drunken mutterings."
Jake didn't know what to think. He was pretty out of it. Maybe it did mean nothing. "I guess so. But what did you mean right now? What did you mean when you said I was beautiful?"
Will saw this as his chance to tell her how he felt. But instead, he choked and found a way to dance around telling the truth. "What I meant was… you're the most beautiful thing I have in my life, Jake. I've experienced a closeness with you that I've never experienced with anyone else. Our friendship…it's the most important thing I have. I cherish us, I cherish you. I don't know what I was saying last night about not being lucky, but I am. Because I have you as a best friend."
Jake smiled at him and the two embraced. But still, she couldn't help but sense that he was keeping something from her. Something important. However, she accepted what he said. She believed what he said. What they had was special and was something to be cherished. Their friendship was beautiful.
"Thanks Will. I feel exactly the same way."
"If only Jacqueline," he thought to himself. "If only."