The Heart of Destiny
Author: Laura Kenobi
Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, I don't own Star Wars. I do, however, own any original characters, planets, etcetera that I created for this story.
Archive: Please contact me first!
Comments/Reviews: You can email me through my profile, and you can always leave a review!
Author's Notes: ((italics)) represents thoughts and / italics / represents communication through the Force.
This story was first published in its original version beginning on June 21, 2001. In July 2005, I decided that since four years had passed and my skills as a writer had undoubtedly improved since this story was first written and posted, it might be refreshing to return to this story and give it a fresh look and an update. For the most part the overall story remains the same - my goal has been to improve on and expand on the original, so I hope the result will prove enjoyable to all of you who are wonderful enough to read and review. The version of this story below is the updated version. Call it the "Special Edition" version of this story.
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Qui-Gon Jinn start out on a mission, and a lifetime of memories follow.
Chapter Eight
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((There is no emotion, there is peace...))
Obi-Wan chanted the line from the Jedi code over and over in his head. He wanted to tear his eyes away from the burning body of his Master, but he could not. He felt like an empty shell. Just skin and bones. Anakin was standing beside him – his new Padawan.
He had become a Jedi Knight and acquired a new Padawan all in one day. He felt nothing. Where he should have felt happiness and pride, all he felt was emptiness.
Obi-Wan was forcing back tears, and he noticed that Anakin was less successful. Bright blue eyes full of tears turned to the new Knight.
"What will happen to me now?" He asked, curious as always.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath, remembering his vision of the boy. "The Council has granted me permission to train you. You will be a Jedi, I promise."
Anakin didn't smile, he just nodded. This was not a place for smiles. Perhaps that would come later.
((If I can ever smile again...))
As the fire simmered into embers and everyone else left, Obi-Wan stepped wordlessly up to the pyre. Taking a small knife out of his tunic, he grabbed his Padawan braid.
This would usually be a ceremony, where he would be surrounded by his Master and his friends. Many Jedi recounted it as one of the proudest days of their lives, but Obi-Wan felt everything but pride. As tears ran down his face, he silently cut the braid off of his head near his scalp. As it fell into his hand, the tears came flowed more freely.
He laid the braid in his Master's simmering ashes. Then, as a second thought, he took the knife and quickly sliced open his left palm.
He let the blood pool in his hand, and then poured it on top of his braid.
"I promise you, Master, by my own blood, that I will train Anakin with your wisdom. He will be the best Jedi ever to live; I will not fail. I will make you proud..." Obi-Wan bent his head in grief. The action, the words, seemed insignificant. Qui-Gon Jinn had been the best man Obi-Wan had ever known, and it was his fault Qui-Gon had died.
((My fault...))
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"Master!" Gwen rushed over to Master L'arel as she came through the door, "Any news?" It almost pained her to ask.
"I'm sorry my Padawan, but there is no news. The Naboo won the battle, but there is no word on what happened to the Jedi involved." Master L'arel left one thing out. There had been a funeral, late the night before. The rumor was that it was one of the two Jedi, but she had been unable to gather any solid evidence. When she had asked to see the Council, the secretary had refused, reporting that not all members were present and the present members were not seeing anyone at the time being. This heightened her sense that either Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon had been mortally wounded in the battle, but she kept it to herself. She knew how Gwen would react, so she wanted facts, not rumors.
Gwen sank into a chair. Why hadn't Obi-Wan contacted her? It had been hours since word of the victory had reached them, and he always contacted her as soon as possible.
((Not if he's not okay.)) The thought came to her despite her inner rejection of the idea. She would have felt it...
She shook her head in violent denial. He wasn't dead. She would know. She had to hold on to that thought.
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Obi-Wan walked alone through the halls of the Jedi Temple. He had left Anakin with Master Yoda, and was headed for his quarters to see his wife. He felt terrible for not contacting her, but he wanted to tell her in person. He needed to be there, to be able to physically touch her and see her.
The Council had agreed to keep silent about Qui-Gon's death - they would leave spreading the news to Obi-Wan first. He was thankful; he wasn't ready for everyone to know yet. She needed to know first.
He stepped wordlessly up to the door to his quarters. Keying open the door, he stepped into the familiar room. As he looked around, he saw Gwen and – his heart skipped a few beats – her Master, both curled up on the couch, asleep.
Unexpected pain swept through him as he looked at them. Why couldn't Qui-Gon have lived? They had been so happy. He stood there for a few minutes, just watching the pair sleep.
He pondered over whether he should wake them or wait until morning. Finally deciding that they would want to be roused, he moved closer to the two sleeping forms. Kneeling down beside them, he hoped his voice would work.
"Hey... Gwen, Mas– Master L'arel?" He realized briefly that he had no plan. He had no idea what he would say. He wondered how they would react.
Master L'arel's eyes fluttered open. As she focused on his face, she quickly sat upright.
"Obi-Wan!" Her voice sounded terribly loud after the quietness of the sleeping pair. Obi-Wan actually flinched.
At her Master's exclamation, Gwen leapt off the couch in one fluid motion. Her eyes fell on Obi-Wan and a small sob escaped from her lips. She launched herself into his arms as tears of joy poured down her face.
Obi-Wan had never been so glad to see her. Here, with his wife in his arms, the thought crossed his mind that maybe things could be okay again, someday...
He felt her reach up to tug on his Padawan braid. It had become a habit; she always played with it when he held her. Only now it wasn't there. She pulled away from him in surprise.
"Obi-Wan? Have you... You've been..."
"Knighted, yes." His face remained unsmiling. Just a few days previous those words would have filled him with joy.
She did not notice his lack of joy, her own happiness for his achievement momentarily blinding her. "Oh, Obi-Wan, that's wonderful! I'm so happy for you! Master Jinn must be so proud!"
He stiffened visibly, his entire body tightening in pain, and the spell was broken. She paused, and suddenly she could see the fear, pain, guilt, anger, despair that filled his eyes. She couldn't withhold the gasp which escaped from her lips. She had never seen his eyes look so... different.
With her eyes she asked him what was wrong, running her hands down the sides of his face and onto his chest.
Tears. She actually saw tears in his eyes. Searching her memory, she realized she had never seen him cry, nor even come close. She didn't know how to react.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath. "I... he..." He began to shake. He looked up at Gwen, and noting the alarm on her face, he tried to smile. Instead, a small sob escaped his lips.
Gwen took charge of the situation immediately.
"Sit down," she half-forced him into a chair, "You look like you haven't slept in days, Obi-Wan. What's going on?" She probed gently, not demanding an answer.
No, Obi-Wan realized, he hadn't really slept since his Master had been killed. He was too afraid he would have to re-live the entire incident.
"I was – was going to tell you anyway..." he mumbled, not making sense.
She had never seen him so upset. He was trembling as if he were cold, and yet a small layer of sweat covered his brow. She wiped it away gently with the sleeve of her tunic. He gave her a grateful glance, and then tried to begin his story.
"We – Qui... Qui-Gon and I – were on Naboo..."
Obi-Wan wasn't sure if he could actually say the words out loud. He hadn't told anyone. The Queen had told the Council, and Anakin.
"We were in the hanger... and then – then..." He reached a hand up to wipe the tears out of his eyes. He could not cry. If he allowed his emotions to flow he would never be able to say the words he needed to say. He realized suddenly how horrified Gwen looked and realized he needed to get it over with.
"There was a – a... there was a Sith."
It was not what she had expected. "A Sith Lord? But I thought..."
"We were wrong. Believe... believe me, I know... it was definitely a Sith Lord." Oh yes, he knew.
"You battled a Sith?" the realization shocked her, "By the Force, Obi-Wan, you could have been killed..."
He choked softly, and Gwen regretted her words.
"It... It wasn't my day... my day to...to..."
He balled up his fists. Gwen reached out and took a hold of one of his hands. It seemed to snap him out of his momentary trance.
"Not my day to die," he continued, "...but my Master's."
he words were so soft that Gwen was sure she had heard wrong. Master L'arel leaned in closer.
"What?" she breathed, and Gwen knew it was true.
Obi-Wan's vision blurred, and he took a deep, calming breath.
"My Master... Qui-Gon Jinn... he's... that Sith Lord... that Sith killed him. He's gone." Obi-Wan fixed his eyes on his hands. Shame washed over him like a giant wave. Now they knew.
Master L'arel sank into a chair, and Gwen sat down beside Obi-Wan, who continued to talk, faster with each word.
"It was my fault... I couldn't get to him in time... he was alone... my fault..."
He began to sob, truly allowing the pain that had been building inside of him to transform into tears. Gwen pulled him into a tight embrace.
"Shhhh," she tried to comfort him and hold back her own tears at the same time, "I'm sure he doesn't think it was your fault. Nobody thinks it is your fault. He was always so proud of you, my Obi-Wan. I'm so sorry..."
She continued to murmur soothingly to him until his sobs died away. He turned and gave her a small smile. Her heart clutched at the look in his eyes. "It really wasn't your fault, Obi-Wan."
"I just wish..." he knew he couldn't explain, but she understood.
"I know, love. I'm so incredibly sorry."
"I don't know what I'd do... without you." The thought had a horrible effect on the already exhausted Jedi, and he physically shuttered.
"You'll never have to find out, Obi-Wan. Don't think about it."
"I hope not."
He had calmed down, gotten himself under the control only a Jedi can achieve, and now the only indication that he was hurting was in his eyes. Gwen leaned over and kissed him, but he was too tired to smile.
There was a knock at the door. Obi-Wan leapt to his feet, cursing softly. Gwen was surprised; it was very late. As the door slid open, she stood and turned to see who had arrived.
"Sorry I am, but tired he is." Master Yoda looked sympathetically at Obi-Wan. Looking beyond him into the hall, Gwen saw a young Jedi Padawan. Curious, she looked up as Obi-Wan spoke.
"I'm sorry, Master Yoda. I had no idea how late it was. Come in, Anakin."
The young boy entered, looking around as if he had never seen anything so interesting in his life. A huge smile lit up his face.
"Thank you Master," Obi-Wan said quietly, "I'll keep you notified."
"Rest you need, Knight Kenobi." Master Yoda turned and left them alone.
"Obi-Wan?" Master L'arel was the first to speak.
Before he could answer, the young boy broke in.
"Is this where you live? It's so wizard!" The boy looked astounded. Gwen smiled.
"Yes, I guess it's more that what you're used to." Obi-Wan sighed, "We don't have an extra bed, so I'll make up the couch for you tonight. We'll get you a real bed tomorrow." Obi-Wan looked unsure of what else to do.
Anakin yawned, revealing his exhaustion behind his excitement. "Yes... Obi-Wan?"
"You may call me Master," Obi-Wan replied, "I'll show you around the Temple tomorrow."
Then, he turned to look at Gwen and Master L'arel, who were both very much astounded.
"Master L'arel, Gwen... meet my Padawan Learner, Anakin Skywalker."
Gwen felt her eyes widen. A Padawan? He had barely been knighted! But Obi-Wan was still speaking...
"Padawan, meet my wife, Gwen A'mour, and her master, Master Ginger L'arel."
Anakin looked so excited Gwen could barely contain her mirth. The young Padawan gazed at her for a moment before speaking.
"It's nice to meet both of you."
"It's wonderful to meet you as well, Anakin. How old are you?" Gwen smiled at him.
"I'm nine. You're Obi... my Master's wife?"
She inclined her head. "Correct."
"Wow. Then why isn't your name Gwen Kenobi? This is really..." he yawned again, "...exciting!"
"I guess you could call me Gwen Kenobi. Most Jedi don't change their names when –if – they get married."
"Oh."
"Padawan," to Obi-Wan the word was strange, "I think it's time for bed – for all of us. It's been a long trip for the two of us. Let me make up the couch for you..."
As Obi-Wan made up the couch, Gwen had more questions than answers. How did Obi-Wan end up with Anakin as his Padawan? It must have been under unusual circumstances, as Anakin obviously had never been to the Temple. After her Master had left, and Anakin was fast asleep, she pulled Obi-Wan into their bedroom.
"What is going on?"
"I... it's kind of a long story. Qui-Gon wanted to train him. Can I tell you in the morning?" He managed a tired smile and looked like he might fall asleep on his feet.
She nodded, understanding that the answers would come soon. "Goodnight, love." She kissed him quickly, and they climbed into bed.
Obi-Wan was asleep before his head hit the pillow. Gwen sighed. She felt great sympathy for him... losing his master had affected him greatly. She was so glad to have him back at the Temple. She kissed him gently on the forehead, and then switched off the lights.
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End Chapter 8.
More soon! Thanks for reading! - Laura