Disclaimer: see part 1
Buffy's eyes were watering yet again from reading the pages, she flicked through more of the pages, the hospital when he faced Angelus. The death of Jenny the pain and suffering, the humour from the love spell- she remembered that one.
Feb 15th 1998
Oh man I do not believe the last two days, the most screwed up of my life. Cordelia dumped me I think really that's where I should begin. Jesse man if you had been there you would have pissed yourself laughing so much. Yeah yeah I know if it had been the other way around It would have been just as funny, well all I can say is I came as close as I am ever going to get to my dreams. But I couldn't do it I couldn't have made out with Buffy when she wanted to- just like I said Not when she's like this. Spells suck even if it did get me back with Cordy.
I made a mistake with this even if they speak to me again this goes right up there with Hyena Boy, I've never forgiven myself for that attempted rape of Buffy and for the horror I put Willow through. I'm surprised that any of them even still talk to me after everything I've done to them. Maybe one day I'll end up on that side- left alone and not thought of by anyone.
You know when I said about Buffy- she almost have me a heart attack, wearing nothing but a raincoat and high heels. It took everything I had to stop from taking her on her offer and saying NO to her, Amy, Willow, Buffy, Buffy's Mom, Drucilla Yeah Drucilla too- well she's attractive in the tie me down and hurt me way. But I'm not into dead girls it's definitely moving living breathing girls for me. No jokes about Ampheta Please.
I think that I, wait I know I have no chance with Buffy anymore she made that clear once I'm going to give up on it and try to keep it going with Cordy. I love Buffy but I can't keep waiting anymore.
Buffy kept turning pages and she stopped at one entry that she had to see had to know about.
May 14th
We did it we stopped the Bastard, I should be happy we stopped Angelus and stopped the world from ending. Why aren't I happy, because I lied, I lied to Buffy about Willow retrying the spell and she killed him, I think the spell worked and she still had to kill him and you want to know why? I'll tell you, I didn't want to die. Pure and simple, If I had told her, she wouldn't have fought and would have died and so killing me, Willow, Oz and everyone else on the planet. I chose the world over that bastard an over my own conscience.
The other reasons- my best friend is stuck in a wheelchair for a month and my other best friend and woman I love has run away.
Dammit Why the hell did she run didn't she know we were here for if she needed us, I'm here I was always here. Anytime she needed help or someone to talk to or just to make sure she wasn't alone any more. I love her and I want to go after her, she needs us needs me and I want to help her but I can't with Buffy gone there's only the others left.
I was always there if she ever needed a friend, she's lost the man she loves- twice her mother has thrown her out of their house. She's wanted for murder and has been thrown out of school, she's done nothing except what she was born to do- fight evil and ill demons and what happens her own personal inner demons have won her the fight for her mind and soul. I wish there had been something that I could have done for her, she still pushed me away even after I tried to help, I'm not incapable of helping her she just doesn't want my help. But she had it whether she likes it or not .
I said I would not wait anymore- well I have to, without Buffy in my life things have changed, I still have Cordelia but I told Willow I loved her.
My life is hell- what am I going to do.
Buffy had closed the Diary at that point and held it close to her chest she never knew and even now that she did she couldn't do a thing about it- not a thing.
End Flashback
The magic Box- Current time
"Have you opened it yet B" asked Faith
Buffy shook her head in the negative, she hadn't had the nerve to open the photo album since she found it. She looked up at Faith, faith looked almost as bad as she did, he hair was dirty and stringy her face red and tear streaked- she missed Xander as much as anyone ever had. She had looked better, she had realised too late- much like all of them had that Xander was one of the most important pieces of their lives- her only real friend and a man she had feelings for. Real Feelings, she knew she had held a place in his heart, the story had said so.
"Are you going to." She asked.
"Faith, I'm not sure if I want to, I don't know what's in here what if there's things he had never wanted anyone to see."
"Buffy." Faith said quietly, Buffy looked at Faith and knew that Faith was trying to get her to open the Book, Faith only ever called her by her full name when she was a little annoyed at her or inpatient about something. "Open the Book, it's the only way you'll ever see what's in there."
Buffy nodded and opened the Album, she knew Faith was right, it was the only way to remove some of her inner Demons. Maybe one day she would look on these pictures with happy thoughts and warm feelings but for now it would be sorrow and hollow feelings for a very long time.
On the first page.
The Scooby Gang
March 1997
Buffy Summers
Alexander Harris
Willow Rosenburg
Rupert Giles
November 1998
Daniel Osbourne
Cordelia Chase
Jenny Calender
Kendra
September 1999
Dawn Summers
Joyce Summers
Faith Williams
November 2000
Tara Maclay
Anya Emerson
Riley Finn
Foreword By Alexander L. Harris
Well I suppose If anyone's reading this I'm either Dead or Married either way I'm in trouble. Well Hey guys bet you didn't know about this did ya, well I've been getting pictures of everyone we've ever had in the Scoobies and put them in here. I hope you like them, they are set in order so you should remember some of them.
See you around guys I hope so anyway- your friend
Xander
Lifting over the pages they came to the first photo- the almost infamous one of Buffy, Xander and Willow laying down on the ground together looking at the camera. Xander's head in Buffy's lap, they all seemed happy there and they had been.
Next was a Picture of all of them, The four core members, Joyce, Oz even Cordelia from the year later. Xander's face was one of contentment and he seemed happy for everyone.
Again another of them all- the picture had been taken the night before Cordelia had left for LA, the two of them had finally got on well together and there had always beenm the rumour that they ahd left each other that night- the next morning to be exact Cordelia having given Xander her greatest gift.
There were other pictures, some with them as teens even a few over the last year, Tara had once said that she felt like she had never fitted in until an innocuous comment from Xander where he said 'Here's my three favourite ladies' in the magic shop. She knew she was a Scooby right then.
One of the last pictures was of the six of them just after her Mother's death, Xander was trying to cheer her up and managed to get Willow, Tara, Dawn and Giles to take a picture with her and Xander. What she had never realised that as she was hugged in Xander's arms in the picture that's he felt safe and cared for, for the first time in along time.
Buffy started to tear up again at the pictures, one however caught her eye, Xander in his Puffy Suit as she hugged him the day before her mother died. Somehow he had got a picture of that and he had kept it.
"I miss him Faith more than I missed anyone- even Angel as much as I miss Mom."
"I know B, so do I. I mean he was the only person ever to like me as ME. He made me laugh he was fun and one hell of a ride even if I never told him." She brought her hands up and help them a distance apart. She nodded at Buffy's widened eyes.
"Yep like that, made me a little sore for a while too. Goes like a stallion."
She smiled at Buffy's slight smile, the first for a while, she had had no reason to. But Faith was more like Xander than she let on mostly. Faith also had a serious problem, one that could shake her tenuous friendship with Buffy apart one that she couldn't get into for a long time.
"Come on B lets get some sleep."
Buffy picked up the two books and held them close to her chest letting the dark haired woman lead her to a bed.
(Mind out of the gutter People)
Buffy's eyes were watering yet again from reading the pages, she flicked through more of the pages, the hospital when he faced Angelus. The death of Jenny the pain and suffering, the humour from the love spell- she remembered that one.
Feb 15th 1998
Oh man I do not believe the last two days, the most screwed up of my life. Cordelia dumped me I think really that's where I should begin. Jesse man if you had been there you would have pissed yourself laughing so much. Yeah yeah I know if it had been the other way around It would have been just as funny, well all I can say is I came as close as I am ever going to get to my dreams. But I couldn't do it I couldn't have made out with Buffy when she wanted to- just like I said Not when she's like this. Spells suck even if it did get me back with Cordy.
I made a mistake with this even if they speak to me again this goes right up there with Hyena Boy, I've never forgiven myself for that attempted rape of Buffy and for the horror I put Willow through. I'm surprised that any of them even still talk to me after everything I've done to them. Maybe one day I'll end up on that side- left alone and not thought of by anyone.
You know when I said about Buffy- she almost have me a heart attack, wearing nothing but a raincoat and high heels. It took everything I had to stop from taking her on her offer and saying NO to her, Amy, Willow, Buffy, Buffy's Mom, Drucilla Yeah Drucilla too- well she's attractive in the tie me down and hurt me way. But I'm not into dead girls it's definitely moving living breathing girls for me. No jokes about Ampheta Please.
I think that I, wait I know I have no chance with Buffy anymore she made that clear once I'm going to give up on it and try to keep it going with Cordy. I love Buffy but I can't keep waiting anymore.
Buffy kept turning pages and she stopped at one entry that she had to see had to know about.
May 14th
We did it we stopped the Bastard, I should be happy we stopped Angelus and stopped the world from ending. Why aren't I happy, because I lied, I lied to Buffy about Willow retrying the spell and she killed him, I think the spell worked and she still had to kill him and you want to know why? I'll tell you, I didn't want to die. Pure and simple, If I had told her, she wouldn't have fought and would have died and so killing me, Willow, Oz and everyone else on the planet. I chose the world over that bastard an over my own conscience.
The other reasons- my best friend is stuck in a wheelchair for a month and my other best friend and woman I love has run away.
Dammit Why the hell did she run didn't she know we were here for if she needed us, I'm here I was always here. Anytime she needed help or someone to talk to or just to make sure she wasn't alone any more. I love her and I want to go after her, she needs us needs me and I want to help her but I can't with Buffy gone there's only the others left.
I was always there if she ever needed a friend, she's lost the man she loves- twice her mother has thrown her out of their house. She's wanted for murder and has been thrown out of school, she's done nothing except what she was born to do- fight evil and ill demons and what happens her own personal inner demons have won her the fight for her mind and soul. I wish there had been something that I could have done for her, she still pushed me away even after I tried to help, I'm not incapable of helping her she just doesn't want my help. But she had it whether she likes it or not .
I said I would not wait anymore- well I have to, without Buffy in my life things have changed, I still have Cordelia but I told Willow I loved her.
My life is hell- what am I going to do.
Buffy had closed the Diary at that point and held it close to her chest she never knew and even now that she did she couldn't do a thing about it- not a thing.
End Flashback
The magic Box- Current time
"Have you opened it yet B" asked Faith
Buffy shook her head in the negative, she hadn't had the nerve to open the photo album since she found it. She looked up at Faith, faith looked almost as bad as she did, he hair was dirty and stringy her face red and tear streaked- she missed Xander as much as anyone ever had. She had looked better, she had realised too late- much like all of them had that Xander was one of the most important pieces of their lives- her only real friend and a man she had feelings for. Real Feelings, she knew she had held a place in his heart, the story had said so.
"Are you going to." She asked.
"Faith, I'm not sure if I want to, I don't know what's in here what if there's things he had never wanted anyone to see."
"Buffy." Faith said quietly, Buffy looked at Faith and knew that Faith was trying to get her to open the Book, Faith only ever called her by her full name when she was a little annoyed at her or inpatient about something. "Open the Book, it's the only way you'll ever see what's in there."
Buffy nodded and opened the Album, she knew Faith was right, it was the only way to remove some of her inner Demons. Maybe one day she would look on these pictures with happy thoughts and warm feelings but for now it would be sorrow and hollow feelings for a very long time.
On the first page.
The Scooby Gang
March 1997
Buffy Summers
Alexander Harris
Willow Rosenburg
Rupert Giles
November 1998
Daniel Osbourne
Cordelia Chase
Jenny Calender
Kendra
September 1999
Dawn Summers
Joyce Summers
Faith Williams
November 2000
Tara Maclay
Anya Emerson
Riley Finn
Foreword By Alexander L. Harris
Well I suppose If anyone's reading this I'm either Dead or Married either way I'm in trouble. Well Hey guys bet you didn't know about this did ya, well I've been getting pictures of everyone we've ever had in the Scoobies and put them in here. I hope you like them, they are set in order so you should remember some of them.
See you around guys I hope so anyway- your friend
Xander
Lifting over the pages they came to the first photo- the almost infamous one of Buffy, Xander and Willow laying down on the ground together looking at the camera. Xander's head in Buffy's lap, they all seemed happy there and they had been.
Next was a Picture of all of them, The four core members, Joyce, Oz even Cordelia from the year later. Xander's face was one of contentment and he seemed happy for everyone.
Again another of them all- the picture had been taken the night before Cordelia had left for LA, the two of them had finally got on well together and there had always beenm the rumour that they ahd left each other that night- the next morning to be exact Cordelia having given Xander her greatest gift.
There were other pictures, some with them as teens even a few over the last year, Tara had once said that she felt like she had never fitted in until an innocuous comment from Xander where he said 'Here's my three favourite ladies' in the magic shop. She knew she was a Scooby right then.
One of the last pictures was of the six of them just after her Mother's death, Xander was trying to cheer her up and managed to get Willow, Tara, Dawn and Giles to take a picture with her and Xander. What she had never realised that as she was hugged in Xander's arms in the picture that's he felt safe and cared for, for the first time in along time.
Buffy started to tear up again at the pictures, one however caught her eye, Xander in his Puffy Suit as she hugged him the day before her mother died. Somehow he had got a picture of that and he had kept it.
"I miss him Faith more than I missed anyone- even Angel as much as I miss Mom."
"I know B, so do I. I mean he was the only person ever to like me as ME. He made me laugh he was fun and one hell of a ride even if I never told him." She brought her hands up and help them a distance apart. She nodded at Buffy's widened eyes.
"Yep like that, made me a little sore for a while too. Goes like a stallion."
She smiled at Buffy's slight smile, the first for a while, she had had no reason to. But Faith was more like Xander than she let on mostly. Faith also had a serious problem, one that could shake her tenuous friendship with Buffy apart one that she couldn't get into for a long time.
"Come on B lets get some sleep."
Buffy picked up the two books and held them close to her chest letting the dark haired woman lead her to a bed.
(Mind out of the gutter People)