Carter got back to work soon and was busier than ever. Abby watched him, constantly. She wouldn't let him out of her sight for a moment. His performance as a doctor had weakened but his bad attitude had strengthened and she didn't know why. She studied him like a scientist, observing the unknown. He knew it too. Sometimes, when she was watching and no one else was, Carter would throw her threatening glances. One day, he cornered her in the locker room.
"Listen. You're never going to find what ever it is you're looking for," he whispered, when he backed her up against the wall. It was a menacing whisper, "You'll never find it because it's not there! So stop looking!" he backed away and Abby relaxed. Carter had been right, this was a new him. And no one liked the new him. She was determined to get the old Carter back, the right Carter. She didn't know how, she didn't know when, but she was going to succeed.
At night, Carter would toss and turn. The inner battle within himself hadn't ended.
Lucy, let me out!
**Go away, Carter!**
Lucy, please!
**I'm here to stay. Forgive me.**
No.
**I forgave you!**
And then you took over.
**You wanted me to take over! You were practically begging me! I am in control! I finally have power! I'm alive again! Do you know how good it feels? You take life too much for granted. Not me. I died. I know what it's like to loose life. And now, you do too.**
You aren't Lucy.
**Of course I'm Lucy!**
Lucy didn't lust for power. Lucy was nothing like you!
**You figured me out.**
What?
**I'm not the Lucy you remember. I'm not the perfect, pretty, Barbie doll Lucy you knew. I'm your Lucy.**
What are you talking about? What do you mean?
**I'm your Lucy. I am the Lucy you created. I'm am all your blame, your torture, your anger. I am you.**
No. You aren't me.
**Yes. I am. Lucy is the cause of your pain. That is the part I play. The painful Lucy. The Lucy that is the heart of your heartache.**
Stop!
**No, I don't think I will.**
Please!
**Go back, Carter, you don't belong here anymore. This is my place now.**
No...
**Nice knowing you!**
"I have to tell you, I really don't like the new Carter," Jing-Mei whispered to Abby one day.
"I know what you mean. But, what can we do? I'm trying to find out what happened when he fell into a coma. He must have done more than hit his head. Do you think he's lying about the drugs?" Abby asked her.
"I don't know. A year or two ago, I would have said that Carter would never take drugs, but after that bad incident... I honestly don't know if he's actually over it. But I hope not."
"What are you ladies talking about?" Romano came in to pour himself some coffee.
"Nothing," Jing-Mei said, innocently.
"You know, I think I like this new Carter," Romano said, mostly to himself, his back to them, "He's finally shaped up into something more than a shell of a man. It's good to stand up for yourself and stuff. Before, he was so... well, weak, I guess," Romano took a swig of his coffee. Jing-Mei stood up, abrubtly and nearly launched herself at Romano's throat, but Abby held her back. Jing-Mei settled for words instead.
"You think he was weak before? Carter is one of the strongest people I know! Think of everything he's been through in his life! And he's still hung in there!" Romano turned to her now.
"Yeah, with the help of drugs," he said. Jing-Mei gave out a frustrated cry as she struggled against Abby's grip.
"But he got through that too!" Abby cried, before Jing-Mei could retort, "If you ask me, he was stronger before the coma than he is now! Now, I think he's weaker than ever and that's why he needs our help!"
"My God!" Romano said, no longer listening. He was staring at a chart, "Carter's performance rating has-"
"Dropped? Of course! You see? He's much weaker! He needs our support!"
"Damn! I have to talk to this man!" and Romano left.
"Oh, I could kick his ass good any day!" Jing-Mei said, as Abby let her go.
"Down, Girl. Romano's like that, remember?" Abby asked.
"Your right," Jing-Mei sighed and sank into a chair, "you're right," soon, Kerry came in.
"Dr. Weaver?" Abby asked, standing up.
"Yes, Abby?" Kerry asked. Abby bit her lip. She couldn't believe she was doing this. Again. She lowered her voice to a whisper.
"Would it be possible to get Carter... Tested?"
"Tested?" Kerry asked, looking up at Abby.
"Drug tested," Abby lowered her voice more as if Carter would be able to hear her.
"I'm afraid not."
"Why not? It would be simple. All we have to do is-"
"No, Abby, I mean... we already tested him. He was clean."
"What?" Abby and Jing-Mei both asked.
"He's clean," Kerry stated again, "Nothing."
"Carter, you've sure been different since you woke up from your coma. Did something happen to you?" Dave asked one day when walking with Carter in the hall.
"I'm perfectly fine, Dave," Carter had a false smile on his face.
"Well then how come you've been so nasty to everyone lately. And, no offence, but your work hasn't exactly improved and I'm afraid the chief noticed," Dave was treading on thin ice.
"Let's talk about something else, why don't we?" Carter offered, through gritted teeth.
"Seriously, Carter, I think you need help. You've been really aggressive lately and I think-"
"SHUT UP!" Carter grabbed Dave by the shirt and shoved him up against the wall.
"Whoa, buddy, easy there!" Dave tried to hold up his hands.
"I said shut up! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me there is something goddamned wrong with me because there isn't! I feel just peachy! So LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" everyone around now had heard Carter's screams and was staring at the two.
"Look we only want to hel-" but Dave was cut off, as Carter's other hand swiftly reached for his throat. Carter's grip was firm, but not strong enough to cut off all air yet. He could feel Dave's pulse begin to quicken under his palm.
"You only want to help?" Carter asked, "I could take that from Abby. I could take that from Peter. Because that's all they do. Try to help when they really make things worse. But you! You live to make people miserable. Slime-balls like you never help anything! You egocentric brat!" Carter spat.
"Carter, put him down!" Abby yelled, running to the two men.
"Stay the hell away, Lockhart!" Carter yelled at her. Abby stopped in her tracks. What did Carter think he was doing?
"Carter, let Dave go," Kerry said, slowly.
"Why the Hell should I? Give me one good reason for me to let this bastard live!" Carter was getting angrier by the minute and there was no doubt in Abby's mind that Carter *would* kill Dave if he got the chance.
"Because you could go to jail for the rest of your life. You may even go on death row. Please, Dr. Carter, the man down," Kerry said, calmly. Carter looked at Kerry, then at Dave, then back at Kerry.
"Death row?" he asked
"Yes," Abby agreed, hoping this would get Carter to leave Dave alone.
"I like that..." Carter grinned evilly and turned to Dave again. His grip tightened and Dave's hand's flew to the hand at his throat.
"Carter!" Abby said, running to him again. She tried to pull him off of Dave, but he was so strong, "Let... Him... GO!" She struggled to get Dave free. Finally, Carter let go of his own free will and Dave fell to the floor, gasping for air, staring up at Carter in horror.
"God damn it, Carter!" Abby swore, panting slightly herself, "What the Hell *has* gotten into you?"
"Maybe you just answered your own question," Carter's face was expressionless now and he turned around and began to walk down the hall. Abby stared after him. Kerry ran to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. She swung him around.
"Carter, you could be arrested for attempted murder!" she said, her anger escaping from her would-be calm appearance.
"Relax, I didn't kill him. I was just having a little fun," Carter laughed and Kerry couldn't believe it.
"Fun? You call that fun? You scared Dave half to death! Abby's right, something is wrong and I don't know why you won't tell us!" Kerry shouted. Carter sighed.
"I should have quit before when I had the chance, but I figure, why not do it now? Do you hear that, Weaver? I quit! I have HAD it with all of you!"
"Carter..." Kerry stared at him in shock, and then, her face grew serious again, "Fine," she said. No one could believe it. Kerry was letting Carter go?
"Dr. Weaver-" Abby started.
"No, Carter's right. Maybe it is time for him to go. But I won't let you unless you do me one favor," Kerry said.
"You won't let me quit?" Carter asked, incredulously.
"I will let you leave, Carter, but you have to do me a favor."
"And what is this favor?" Carter asked.
"That you speak with a psychiatrist."
"A psychiatrist?!" Carter was shocked, "A shrink?"
"Yes," Kerry said. Carter threw his arms in the air.
"Fine, whatever!" Carter had given up. The psychiatrist would find nothing, of that, Carter was sure. And so that's why, the next week, when he went, his disguise was shattered.
"Listen. You're never going to find what ever it is you're looking for," he whispered, when he backed her up against the wall. It was a menacing whisper, "You'll never find it because it's not there! So stop looking!" he backed away and Abby relaxed. Carter had been right, this was a new him. And no one liked the new him. She was determined to get the old Carter back, the right Carter. She didn't know how, she didn't know when, but she was going to succeed.
At night, Carter would toss and turn. The inner battle within himself hadn't ended.
Lucy, let me out!
**Go away, Carter!**
Lucy, please!
**I'm here to stay. Forgive me.**
No.
**I forgave you!**
And then you took over.
**You wanted me to take over! You were practically begging me! I am in control! I finally have power! I'm alive again! Do you know how good it feels? You take life too much for granted. Not me. I died. I know what it's like to loose life. And now, you do too.**
You aren't Lucy.
**Of course I'm Lucy!**
Lucy didn't lust for power. Lucy was nothing like you!
**You figured me out.**
What?
**I'm not the Lucy you remember. I'm not the perfect, pretty, Barbie doll Lucy you knew. I'm your Lucy.**
What are you talking about? What do you mean?
**I'm your Lucy. I am the Lucy you created. I'm am all your blame, your torture, your anger. I am you.**
No. You aren't me.
**Yes. I am. Lucy is the cause of your pain. That is the part I play. The painful Lucy. The Lucy that is the heart of your heartache.**
Stop!
**No, I don't think I will.**
Please!
**Go back, Carter, you don't belong here anymore. This is my place now.**
No...
**Nice knowing you!**
"I have to tell you, I really don't like the new Carter," Jing-Mei whispered to Abby one day.
"I know what you mean. But, what can we do? I'm trying to find out what happened when he fell into a coma. He must have done more than hit his head. Do you think he's lying about the drugs?" Abby asked her.
"I don't know. A year or two ago, I would have said that Carter would never take drugs, but after that bad incident... I honestly don't know if he's actually over it. But I hope not."
"What are you ladies talking about?" Romano came in to pour himself some coffee.
"Nothing," Jing-Mei said, innocently.
"You know, I think I like this new Carter," Romano said, mostly to himself, his back to them, "He's finally shaped up into something more than a shell of a man. It's good to stand up for yourself and stuff. Before, he was so... well, weak, I guess," Romano took a swig of his coffee. Jing-Mei stood up, abrubtly and nearly launched herself at Romano's throat, but Abby held her back. Jing-Mei settled for words instead.
"You think he was weak before? Carter is one of the strongest people I know! Think of everything he's been through in his life! And he's still hung in there!" Romano turned to her now.
"Yeah, with the help of drugs," he said. Jing-Mei gave out a frustrated cry as she struggled against Abby's grip.
"But he got through that too!" Abby cried, before Jing-Mei could retort, "If you ask me, he was stronger before the coma than he is now! Now, I think he's weaker than ever and that's why he needs our help!"
"My God!" Romano said, no longer listening. He was staring at a chart, "Carter's performance rating has-"
"Dropped? Of course! You see? He's much weaker! He needs our support!"
"Damn! I have to talk to this man!" and Romano left.
"Oh, I could kick his ass good any day!" Jing-Mei said, as Abby let her go.
"Down, Girl. Romano's like that, remember?" Abby asked.
"Your right," Jing-Mei sighed and sank into a chair, "you're right," soon, Kerry came in.
"Dr. Weaver?" Abby asked, standing up.
"Yes, Abby?" Kerry asked. Abby bit her lip. She couldn't believe she was doing this. Again. She lowered her voice to a whisper.
"Would it be possible to get Carter... Tested?"
"Tested?" Kerry asked, looking up at Abby.
"Drug tested," Abby lowered her voice more as if Carter would be able to hear her.
"I'm afraid not."
"Why not? It would be simple. All we have to do is-"
"No, Abby, I mean... we already tested him. He was clean."
"What?" Abby and Jing-Mei both asked.
"He's clean," Kerry stated again, "Nothing."
"Carter, you've sure been different since you woke up from your coma. Did something happen to you?" Dave asked one day when walking with Carter in the hall.
"I'm perfectly fine, Dave," Carter had a false smile on his face.
"Well then how come you've been so nasty to everyone lately. And, no offence, but your work hasn't exactly improved and I'm afraid the chief noticed," Dave was treading on thin ice.
"Let's talk about something else, why don't we?" Carter offered, through gritted teeth.
"Seriously, Carter, I think you need help. You've been really aggressive lately and I think-"
"SHUT UP!" Carter grabbed Dave by the shirt and shoved him up against the wall.
"Whoa, buddy, easy there!" Dave tried to hold up his hands.
"I said shut up! I am sick and tired of everyone telling me there is something goddamned wrong with me because there isn't! I feel just peachy! So LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!" everyone around now had heard Carter's screams and was staring at the two.
"Look we only want to hel-" but Dave was cut off, as Carter's other hand swiftly reached for his throat. Carter's grip was firm, but not strong enough to cut off all air yet. He could feel Dave's pulse begin to quicken under his palm.
"You only want to help?" Carter asked, "I could take that from Abby. I could take that from Peter. Because that's all they do. Try to help when they really make things worse. But you! You live to make people miserable. Slime-balls like you never help anything! You egocentric brat!" Carter spat.
"Carter, put him down!" Abby yelled, running to the two men.
"Stay the hell away, Lockhart!" Carter yelled at her. Abby stopped in her tracks. What did Carter think he was doing?
"Carter, let Dave go," Kerry said, slowly.
"Why the Hell should I? Give me one good reason for me to let this bastard live!" Carter was getting angrier by the minute and there was no doubt in Abby's mind that Carter *would* kill Dave if he got the chance.
"Because you could go to jail for the rest of your life. You may even go on death row. Please, Dr. Carter, the man down," Kerry said, calmly. Carter looked at Kerry, then at Dave, then back at Kerry.
"Death row?" he asked
"Yes," Abby agreed, hoping this would get Carter to leave Dave alone.
"I like that..." Carter grinned evilly and turned to Dave again. His grip tightened and Dave's hand's flew to the hand at his throat.
"Carter!" Abby said, running to him again. She tried to pull him off of Dave, but he was so strong, "Let... Him... GO!" She struggled to get Dave free. Finally, Carter let go of his own free will and Dave fell to the floor, gasping for air, staring up at Carter in horror.
"God damn it, Carter!" Abby swore, panting slightly herself, "What the Hell *has* gotten into you?"
"Maybe you just answered your own question," Carter's face was expressionless now and he turned around and began to walk down the hall. Abby stared after him. Kerry ran to him and grabbed him by the shoulders. She swung him around.
"Carter, you could be arrested for attempted murder!" she said, her anger escaping from her would-be calm appearance.
"Relax, I didn't kill him. I was just having a little fun," Carter laughed and Kerry couldn't believe it.
"Fun? You call that fun? You scared Dave half to death! Abby's right, something is wrong and I don't know why you won't tell us!" Kerry shouted. Carter sighed.
"I should have quit before when I had the chance, but I figure, why not do it now? Do you hear that, Weaver? I quit! I have HAD it with all of you!"
"Carter..." Kerry stared at him in shock, and then, her face grew serious again, "Fine," she said. No one could believe it. Kerry was letting Carter go?
"Dr. Weaver-" Abby started.
"No, Carter's right. Maybe it is time for him to go. But I won't let you unless you do me one favor," Kerry said.
"You won't let me quit?" Carter asked, incredulously.
"I will let you leave, Carter, but you have to do me a favor."
"And what is this favor?" Carter asked.
"That you speak with a psychiatrist."
"A psychiatrist?!" Carter was shocked, "A shrink?"
"Yes," Kerry said. Carter threw his arms in the air.
"Fine, whatever!" Carter had given up. The psychiatrist would find nothing, of that, Carter was sure. And so that's why, the next week, when he went, his disguise was shattered.