Disclaimer - I don't own them.. have mercy on me.
Of Shiv and SNIKT
Chapter 2 - They Talk
They then entered a period of companionable silence during which several beers were demolished and a couple of the less timid stool-seekers glared down into mewling puddles of goo. Then one of Riddick's pockets began to buzz.
"Fuck." Logan only raised an eyebrow as Riddick groped through his pockets, cursing up a storm until he finally came up with a ridiculously small bit of metal which was beeping very loudly and very annoyingly. He glanced apologetically at Logan as he flipped the device open, revealing a small ear and mouthpiece. "Jack never lets me set the damn thing on vibrate…"
"What? …. No….. Because I'm busy." Logan started smirking as his sensitive hearing picked up tones from the receiver. "You don't need to know…. Jack, lemmie talk…" Logan's smile widened as the speaker on the other end started giving Riddick and earfull. "Jack…. JACK….!! Not yet, later! Now get a fuckin' grip, I'll be home soon enough." The voice on the phone lowered to tones too soft for even Logan to hear, but he already had a good idea of what was going on. "Damn!….. No….. Forget it…. sigh.. Alright, but only this once…" Riddick then proceeded to turn his back on Logan, mumble something rapidly into the phone and then hang up as quickly as possible. Turning back to his companion, all he saw was a huge, feral grin.
"What's so funny?" After what he had just been through, Riddick was in no mood to be mocked.
"You poor bastard, lemmie buy you a drink." Logan gestured to the bartender and then turned back to Riddick. "They gave you one too."
"I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, old man." Riddick gratefully accepted the fresh pint, taking a huge, stabilizing gulp.
"Just be thankful you don't exist in more then one form of media, like me. I have TWO (and let's not even go into fanfic here)!"
"Two what?"
"Two 'Jacks'."
"Huh?"
"Look, I'm assuming here that 'Jack' isn't a boy, because if he is, well, then you and me are gonna have some words…"
"No… no… Jacks a girl…. but I don't like what you're implying…"
"Forget it… young, isn't she? Cute and spunky? Gonna make a hell of a woman someday? Your general busybody pain in the ass?"
"Yes to all and absofuckinlutely to some."
"I have two of em…. two 'Jacks.' Three if you count Kitty, but I usually don't…."
Logan looked closely at Riddick who clearly didn't know what the fuck the Wolverine was talking about. "Shit, you're probably half-smashed by now…. I tend to forget that not everyone is cursed with a healing factor… Lemmie try again…. this may take some time."
Riddick looked at his watch and then looked at the little phone surrounded by soggy pretzels in a beer puddle on the counter. "Fuck it…. I need a good story."
Logan clapped his hand on Riddick's shoulder. "Bub, it's OUR story." Looking at Riddick's semi-glazed expression, Logan began…"Lemmie assume a few things about you, my friend. To begin with… well shit, let's just start a list, shall we? Logan grabbed a stack of napkins then stole a pen and slapped the rear of a waitress before be wrote down the following:
1) Baddass
2) Good woman/Lost
3) Physical and Emotional Pain - Extreme
4) No purpose in life/struggle for humanity
Logan shoves the napkin over to Riddick who looks at it blankly for a moment. "Are we clear on these first four points?" Logan asked. Riddick nods slowly. "Baddass, check. Good woman lost forever. Check. Those bastards made me lose several, great women, all of them! Extreme pain, physical and emotional, check and check. It never stops raining shit no matter what I do! Struggle for humanity…. I was fuckin' feral for YEARS! Livin' in the damn woods like an animal! Aimless as all hell!"
Logan's voice had raised about 50 decibels with every sentence. He pulled out another cigar and lit it angrily as Riddick's finger slowly traced the lines of ink on the napkin. "Goddamn writers."
"What the fuck does all this shit mean?" Riddick's voice was dangerously quiet. He turned towards Logan shaking a clenched fist holding the napkin in his face. "What the FUCK does this SHIT MEAN!?!"
"It means that we're the ones they torture." Logan puffed his cigar pensively, almost sadly. "First they rip everything away from us and then…. then they make us care."
"Fuck me." Riddick settled back into his stool with a thunk. "Fuck me."
"It gets better." Logan pulled another napkin forward and wrote:
5) Life and Death Situation
6) Enter Kid. Cute Kid.. Way too fuckin' young for you kid.
7) Save Kid or Kid saves you, either physically or emotionally.
8) Stuck with Kid who LOVES you.
9) Trouble is, you love the kid.
10) But you're a baddass!!
11) Kid doesn't care - won't leave
12) TOO YOUNG FOR YOU
13) Get my point?
He passes the napkin over to Riddick who reads it, sets it on the counter, reads it again, and then starts barks a short, inhuman laugh full of bitterness and self-loathing. He downs the rest of his pint, heaves a huge half-laughing sigh, then looks towards Logan. "So what do we do?"
"What can we do? We're stuck how we're written! Loving the girl, hating ourselves for even wanting the girl, or her love. We're screwed."
"How did they manage to saddle you with two?"
"I'm in two main medium, comic and movie. I'm just happy they didn't give me a third in the cartoon!"
"Tell me about them."
Logan looked at Riddick quizzically. "Why?"
"I need some pointers from an expert." Riddick grinned. "Since it looks like I'm stuck with her, I may as well ask for help from someone who understands."
Logan looked into his beer and began talking. "Well, the first time I had an inkling of anything like this, it was with Kitty. Smart girl, but not an orphan, not clingy… just got herself into a bad situation and needed a friend. No problem. A few years passed and I didn't think anything of it…. only now I realize that it was just a bunch of damn foreshadowing!" The back of his hands itched just thinking about it.
"When Jubilee entered the picture, I was in pretty bad shape. She saved me in more ways then one… she still does in a lot of ways, whenever those fuckin' puppet masters actually let me see her! I got to keep her around for a few great years; she was my touchstone. Beautiful, Chinese with crystal blue eyes. Heart bigger then anything. Slim, athletic, brave and smart as a whip." Logan waved for another round. "God I love her."
"What does she think about the other two?"
"Jubes hates Kitty, but they work together pretty well when they have to. Got me out of a rough spot a while back." He chucked some money at the bartender and reached for the pretzel bowl. "Marie's a different story altogether."
Riddick took a swig of his new beer and eyed Logan's pretzels. "Howzzat?"
With a sigh, Logan snagged a handful before pushing the pretzel bowl down the bar to Riddick. "Marie is from the movie; Kitty and Jubes are in the movie too, but we don't have the same history. Shit! They're barely the same characters!"
"Interesting." Riddick managed to say around a mouthful of stale pretzel.
"It gets better. Marie is also called 'Rogue.' She exists in my comic reality, but we don't have the same kind of relationship… and she isn't a kid. In the movie, however, she's this runaway that I develop a bond with…."
"Sounds familiar, " said Riddick around an exhalation of pretzel dust.
"No shit. Anyway, this girl has killer skin…"
"Great complexion?
"Yeah,….but no! Killer skin in that you touch her she sucks your body and mind dry!"
Riddick looked up…. "Ugh. That's…horrible! Can't your healing factor compensate though?"
Logan glanced over at Riddick. Kid wasn't as dumb as he looked. "Nah. She's too strong. Hasn't killed me yet, but sure puts me out of commission for a while."
"Bummer." Riddick reached for his beer. "But at least that stops you from touching her, right?"
"Wrong. No one touches her besides me, really. Can you imagine what it's like to go through life without being touched by anyone you care for? I wouldn't put her through that. There are ways around direct skin contact…." Logan trailed off, snagging back the pretzel bowl and shoving more of them into his mouth then could possibly fit at once.
"Teenager?"
"Yeah," Logan mumbled. "Maybe seventeen if I'm lucky."
"We're too fuckin' old."
"Yeah."
"We're really screwed."
"Yup!"
"Would Marie happen to have a white stripe in her hair?"
"Howdja know?" Logan looked up surprised, eyes following Riddick's pointing finger to the doorway where, to his surprise, Marie was standing next to Jubilee. Comic Jubilee. "Shit!"